The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: TPITPOL revisited: Here without you
PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 2:22 pm 
Hey everyone, I've decided after a lot of thinking to revisit my old fic, The Pain In The Path Of Love. I know a lot of you loved that fic, but I wasn't happy with it. Mainly, it has been enriched, sometimes it's not obvious, but other times it is. I hope you all will like this rewrite more than the original. As you see, I've also changed the title, cause the old one kinda irked me (and this one is the title of an incredible song from Three Doors Down, it rocks). Here we go!



P.S.: Don't worry, I'm not giving up on my other fics. :grin



TITLE: Here Without You

AUTHOR: Washi (ZWS)

FEEDBACK: I love it, I live for it, give it to me!

RATING: R, I think for implied sex, although some steamy scenes are planned.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the characters, Joss does or whoever. If I owned them, do you really think I would let season 6 happen? And why the hell would I be writing this?

So yeah, all belongs to Joss, ME etc...

The lyrics in this piece are owned by their respective owners.

SPOILERS: None, this is AU. It’s set in Sunnydale, but without the whole Hellmouth thingy.

TIMELINE and NOTES: Willow is about 23, Tara is 24, etc…

I read two kickass fics about Willow being in love and Tara being unsure, which are ‘Beholden’ by cinderlust and ‘The Heart Rules the Mind’ by DarkWiccan. Since both these fics aren’t finished, I thought I’d try to write about it.

Also, this fic contains angst, the road to an endless love contains a heartbreak in general.

This is also a way for me to exorcise my own inner demons.

I also hope my music taste doesn’t make people flinch.

Don’t worry, still working on the ‘Sex Journals’, but I needed to get this out of my system.

Do I need to tell you how this ends? Didn’t think so.

Finally, this fic is pretty much written already. I'm just working on the last chapters.

FEEDBACK: I love it, I live for it, either here or by email, although here is better.

ARCHIVE: Wherever, just let me know first.

DEDICATION: This is for Yel and all the people who ever fell in love with their best friends, and who suffered through a love that’s not returned.



Thoughts are in < >, flashbacks in italics, and lyrics in bold.



*****





You got it, You got it bad

When you're on the phone

Hang up and you call right back

You got it, you got it bad

If you miss a day without your friend

Your whole life's off track

You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house

You don't wanna have fun

It's all you think about

You got it bad when you're out with someone

But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else

You got it bad



Usher








Willow Rosenberg was on her bed, looking at the ceiling of her bedroom, her eyes unseeing, lost. The room was dark, only one small candle dancing to the soft sounds of yet another sad love song that strummed at the frail strings of her heart. By the time the song reached it’s crescendo, the singer’s voice was raw, full of emotions. Another love song started, this one less sad, basically ending well. The lyrics reached Willow’s brain, and she smiled sadly.







Her thoughts drifted to the woman she loved more than anything, Tara Maclay. Tara had moved to Sunnydale three years ago, while Willow had been in her second year of college. They became friends, but after a while, Willow’s feelings had budded from sisterly-love into so-not-sisterly love. In fact, Willow had been wildly in love with the blonde woman since last year.



She knew that if given a chance, she’d be able to make Tara happy, but there was one slight problem. Willow was gay, but Tara wasn’t. At least from what she understood.



she thought sadly.



She had never tried to tell Tara about her feelings, afraid she’d scare the shy girl away and lose her as a friend. And even if she had to suffer, she’d never do anything to hurt her, in any way. In fact, she was happy to just have her as one of her best friends, loving her from a distance.







She couldn’t even think of living without the blonde curvaceous goddess in her life.







Yet, it was getting more and more difficult to live with only that. She had to control her words, her gestures when she was around her to not show any emotions stronger than ‘best friend type’ feelings. Because, when she was around Tara, Willow’s body seemed to have a mind of it’s own, her heart pounding gleefully at any shared secret, any goodbye or hello hug, any shared glance or joke, anything. Every passing day made her love only stronger, and made her self-control waver just a bit more.



And it was getting harder and harder to control her emotions. Whenever they were at the Bronze, any love song became background music for Willow’s feelings. She’d look at Tara, and get immersed in her staring. Some lyrics would talk about how much she wanted Tara to love her back, other how angry at the situation she was in. Sometimes, their eyes would lock, and Willow would lower her head, looking at the ground, or into her drink, as if it held all the answers. The answers she so needed.



Willow was frustrated. Frustrated by the fact that she couldn’t say anything, tell Tara that she loved her and that she would do anything to protect her, to make her happy. She couldn’t tell the woman she loved that she loved her more than her own life, more than her mere existence.







Tears of sadness and frustration itched to escape from behind her eyelids, to get out. And they did as she let her sadness have it’s release in the darkness of her room. They fell slowly down the sides of her face, like a lingering caress, like fingertips languidly tracing her cheekbones.



Lately, all her sadness drowned her, and everywhere she went, the image of Tara and her smile had followed her through Sunnydale. It haunted her conscious life, as well as her dreams.



Willow thought as flashes of her dreams shook her already frail heart.



They had started with nothing more than a kiss, one chaste kiss where her lips would sensually brush against Tara’s. And then, more erotic dreams followed, dreams where Tara and she would make love, rocking against each other, bodies entwined, hands exploring soft, wet folds, as tongues darted in and out of mouths, following the rhythms of their thrusting fingers, moans and soft emotion-filled noises bathing them in a surreal music their bodies created. The music would swell, the rhythm would become more and more feverish as drums would enter the melody of soft guitars, the beating of these drums following the tempo of their hearts as they soared higher and higher until they reached their peaks, the melody becoming a complex orchestra of release.



And yet her dreams did nothing to relieve her, to make things easier. In fact, all they did was make matters worse. She would find herself staring at Tara’s blue eyes, imagining them darken, the pupils dilating with desire. Staring at her lips, crushing hers in a passionate kiss, at her tongue, which would lick at her most sensitive place, at her breasts, on which Willow would feast, taking the swollen nipples in her mouth and bathing them with her warm wet tongue, at her fingers, which would drive her wild, thrusting, seeking, filling, releasing, at her hips, which would rock against her own in a passionate and amazingly choreographed dance of ecstasy.



Willow shook her head.



she asked herself, even though the answer was already on her lips.







Every time she thought of her unreturned love, Willow felt her heart squeezing tightly, as pain filled her chest. Filled her chest with a hurt so strong, it was bound to kill her inside in time. She once again thought back to the term of the illness that possessed her heart







Only two people knew of her true feelings and a handful suspected: Buffy Summers and Xander Harris, her other two best friends. They had both understood her and supported her. In fact, Xander had consoled her many nights since they shared the apartment as she had cried her heart out on his shoulder, begging him to make it stop, to make her feelings disappear. He’d held her and told her that everything would be okay in time. Now, one year later, she was worse.



Her inner thoughts were disturbed when she heard the front door open and two people giggling and talking softly. Willow smiled in spite of her sad dark thoughts.







*****



Willow’s thought continued harassing her. She smiled sadly as she thought about the past, about how she was before she fell in love with Tara. Before she lost her light. There were better times, simpler times, in which she was happy, alone, but happy.







The phone rang, but she didn’t pick up, only stared at it, thinking that it was maybe Tara. Maybe one of her dreams would come true, and Tara would tell her on the phone that they needed to talk, and then, they would talk and become a couple, the way it happens in all romantic movies. But she didn’t dare hope that much.



Someone picked up the phone, for it stopped ringing.



She continued staring at the ceiling, as if it held all the answers she was seeking, but the only things the wall showed were the shadows from the car lights outside.



There was a knock on her door before Xander poked his head in.



“Hey Will.”



“Hey Xan. How are ya? And how’s Anya?” she asked, knowing her best friend’s girlfriend was in the living room. Anya was rude sometimes, and outspoken, but she loved Xander dearly, and Willow found her truthfulness at times refreshing. At times.



“I’m fine. She’s great.” Xander replied, smiling boyishly. “Actually, we were all planning on going to the Bronze. Come with us.”



“Xander, my mood is not contagious, or, maybe it is, and all of you would feel like hell by the end of the night. I really don’t feel much like going out.” she replied, her face showing her sorrow, her pain reflected by the rosy light on her face..



“Aww, come on Will! We’ll cheer you up! Besides, I know a certain blonde-haired, blue-eyed mermaid that’s swimming around there.” he begged, smiling cheekily.



“Hey! That’s my mermaid you’re talking about! I mean… You know what I mean. And oh, hey, she’s gonna be there? Gimme twenty minutes to get ready!” she said, leaping off her bed.



Xander chuckled to himself and closed the door, sitting down next to Anya on the couch.



*****



T.B.C. tomorrow night with the next part. Feedback is greatly appreciated. :grin

-------------------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa



The course of love doesn’t always run smooth, especially for the neurotic and accident-prone. ~ LadyB



.:Dark-bliss.net :. .:Blink.Flash.Sparkle.:. .:My blog:. .:Blood and Ink:. .:Washi's 70s Site:.

Edited by: Washi  at: 2/29/04 4:10 pm


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 Post subject: Re: TPITPOL revisited: Here without you
PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 3:40 pm 
Hey Washi,



I loved the first version and I have full faith in you that this one is going to be even better...one question though, unrequired love? I think you meant unrequited love? (see here)

--------------------------

Tinna Karen

-tölvunörd í fyrsta ættlið



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 Post subject: Re: TPITPOL revisited: Here without you
PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 3:45 pm 
Washi..That was amazing, as always, so filled with emotion. i loved it :heart Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)



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 Post subject: Re: TPITPOL revisited: Here without you
PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 3:51 pm 
Hey Tinna, weird thing is that I've seen on a love song site that it's unrequired love, for some reason. Weird. :lol

-------------------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa



The course of love doesn’t always run smooth, especially for the neurotic and accident-prone. ~ LadyB



.:Dark-bliss.net :. .:Blink.Flash.Sparkle.:. .:My blog:. .:Blood and Ink:. .:Washi's 70s Site:.



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 Post subject: Re: TPITPOL revisited: Here without you
PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 4:27 pm 
Heh, that is weird. The dictionary doesn't list unrequired as being a "real" word...but you know how it goes, one person misquotes a saying and before you know it has integrated itself into society ;)

--------------------------

Tinna Karen

-tölvunörd í fyrsta ættlið



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 Post subject: Re: TPITPOL revisited: Here without you
PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 1:04 am 
Great read :read



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 Post subject: Re: TPITPOL revisited: Here without you
PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 4:17 am 
Hey!



Can i just say, that im totally hooked? :D

Very great start! So many of the things Willow was thinking, just spoke out of my heart. So sad. :sob ...sigh

Can't wait for more!



s79

I look at horses and I see really big ponies.

The greatest thing you'll learn, is just to love and be loved in return.







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 Post subject: Re: TPITPOL revisited: Here without you
PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 12:26 pm 
Hey Washi, this was a wonderful start. After reading, I realized I had read the original version, and I can't wait for this to continue.



Marcia



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 Post subject: Here without you replies and part 2
PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 4:56 pm 
Hey everyone! It's that time of night. :lol

Here are replies, and then, part 2.



tinnakaren: Hey Tinna! I'm glad you liked the first version, and I hope you find this one better. Thanks for replying and reading, and hope you enjoy!

Yeah, you mistake one word, and suddenly, it's being used. :lol It's strange.



sam darls: Hey Sammi! I'm glad you liked it. Thanks so much for your compliments, and I hope you'll like this one more than the original. Thanks.



SJ: Hey you! I wanna thank you, cause you've supported me on Pens. :) I'm glad you like it, and I hope you'll enjoy the rest.



snuggle79: Hey! I'm glad you felt Willow's pain. It's hard to actually make it palpable, ya know. I'm glad it works. Thanks a lot. :grin



marciam: Hey! I'm glad ya liked it, and I believe this version will be better than the original one, well, I hope so anyways. Thanks.



And on to part 2:



TITLE: Here Without You 2/ 10 (I think)

AUTHOR: Washi (ZWS)

FEEDBACK: I love it, I live for it, give it to me!

RATING: R, I think for implied sex, although some steamy scenes are planned.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the characters, Joss does or whoever. If I owned them, do you really think I would let season 6 happen? And why the hell would I be writing this?

So yeah, all belongs to Joss, ME etc...

The lyrics in this piece are owned by their respective owners.

SPOILERS: None, this is AU. It’s set in Sunnydale, but without the whole Hellmouth thingy.

TIMELINE and NOTES: Willow is about 23, Tara is 24, etc…

I read two kickass fics about Willow being in love and Tara being unsure, which are ‘Beholden’ by cinderlust and ‘The Heart Rules the Mind’ by DarkWiccan. Since both these fics aren’t finished, I thought I’d try to write about it.

Also, this fic contains angst, the road to an endless love contains a heartbreak in general.

This is also a way for me to exorcise my own inner demons.

I also hope my music taste doesn’t make people flinch.

Don’t worry, still working on the ‘Sex Journals’, but I needed to get this out of my system.

Do I need to tell you how this ends? Didn’t think so.

Finally, this fic is written, and will have one update a day.

ARCHIVE: Ask and ye shall receive.

DEDICATION: This is for Yel and all the people who ever fell in love with their best friends, and who suffered through a love that’s not returned.



Thoughts are in < >, flashbacks in italics, and lyrics in bold.





*****



He's drunk again, it's time to fight

She must have done something wrong tonight

The living room becomes a boxing ring

It's time to run when you see him clenching his hands

She's just a woman... never again



I hear her scream from down the hall

Amazing she can even talk at all

She cries to me... "go back to bed"

I'm terrified that she'll wind up dead in his hands

She's just a woman... never again



Been there before but not like this

Seen it before but not like this

Never before have I ever seen it this bad

She's just a woman... never again



Just tell the nurse you slipped and fell

It starts to sting as it starts to swell

She looks at you... she wants the truth

It's right out there in the waiting room with those hands

Lookin' just as sweet as he can... never again



Seen it before but not like this

Been there before but not like this

Never before have I ever seen it this bad

She's just a woman... never again



Father's a name you haven't earned yet

You're just a child with a temper

Haven't you heard "don't hit a lady"

Kickin' your ass would be a pleasure



He's drunk again, it's time to fight

Same old shit, just on a different night

She grabs the gun, she's had enough

Tonight she'll find out how fuckin' tough is this man

Pulls the trigger fast as she can... never again



Seen it before but not like this

Been there before but not like this

Never before have I ever seen it this bad

She's just a woman... never again



Nickelback






*****





Less than an hour later, Willow was sitting on a couch in the corner of the Bronze, sipping her drink, her eyes never leaving the Bronze’s entrance. Xander and Anya were already on the dance floor, dancing at a feverish rhythm. The only people missing for now were Buffy, her sister Dawn and Tara. Buffy and Tara lived together in an apartment while Dawn was settled in her own dorm room on campus. Tara didn’t have family in Sunnydale, actual blood-kin. Her father and brother made an appearance not long after she realized she was in love with her. She remembered that night vividly, all her anger focused on Tara’s male relatives.





“Tara, get in that car! Now!” Tara’s father barked at her, his tone rough. His face was unkind, his beady eyes scanning their faces for someone who would disobey his orders.



Tara was crying her heart out as she saw the looks her friends were giving her. Mostly disbelief and hurt. After hanging out with someone for two years, you expected them to tell you the truth, and not to lie about your whole life. She had lied about everything, and now, their trust had been shattered. She was crumpled on the wet grass outside of Buffy’s family home, in the backyard. The whole life she had tried so hard on building was crumbling like a soaked sandcastle, soaked with salty tears of guilt.



Her brother Donnie looked at her, still on the ground and grabbed her by her long hair, yanking at it in a forceful pull.



“Didn’t you hear what he said? Get up you worthless piece of shit!”



Tara winced as pain shot up her body. She whimpered, but didn’t cry out. She was used to the pain, to the hate, to the anger, yet, raising her eyes to her friends’, she didn’t expect the dismayed looks to hurt her so much. They hurt her more than a really hard beating, the kind her father gave her when he drank too much. And it pained her more knowing she put that hurt there. She looked down and sighed, knowing that nothing would save her from her own personal hell, her family home.



For a second, Willow thought she was dreaming, living some kind of twisted nightmare. But the look on Tara’s face, a look of despair and hopelessness, a look of defeat, made something snap inside of her, shaking her out of her shock. She lunged herself at Donnie and punched him in the face, sending him back, reeling from the shock of getting hit.



“You touch her again, and I’ll kill you.” she told him, her voice calm despite the maelstrom of feelings that were going through her.



She stood unmoving between Tara and her brother. The rest of the group having shaken off their shock had now all taken a protective stance around the girl. Tara’s father was considering his options. They were two against five, six if you counted the crying Tara. He was a coward at heart, and he knew that it was better for him to make a stealthy escape while he wasn’t hurt or bruised. He started towards the car, muttering under his breath.



“Fine, you take her. Tara, don’t ever think of me as your father again.” he finally said, his mouth set in a tight line, his beady eyes still gleaming with hate and anger, as he stood in front of his car, which was in the driveway. “Donald, let’s go.”



But Donnie was stubborn. He didn’t understand how his meek little sister had befriended these people.







He got up and faced Willow, his fists tightening by his sides as he straightened to his full height.



“I’m gonna beat her to a bloody pulp, and you’ll be able to do nothing to stop me.” he said as he tried to get past her.



Willow reacted on instinct, her instinct to protect Tara from anything hurtful. She punched Donnie again and then kicked him, knocking him down. She straddled him and started raining punches down on his face as he struggled to get free, punching her two or three times in the process. She didn’t feel the pain and continued punching him. Now knowing what the pain in Tara’s eyes was, she wanted to make his pay.



“Never again will you put a finger on her. Never again!” she muttered as she continued punching him, feeling her hand starting to swell. She felt herself being pulled off of him by Buffy’s strong arms, but she continued thrashing against her, wanting to make Donnie regret ever putting his tainted hands on his sister.



“Buffy! Let me go! Get off me!” she yelled, trying to break free of her friend’s grasp. But Buffy was unnaturally strong, and skilled, being a black belt in the martial arts. She had been teaching her the arts, but she was way more experienced than Willow, and she had her in a death grip. And even then, she seemed to struggle to keep the redhead restrained.



Xander picked up the barely conscious Donnie, and tossed him towards the car. Donnie walked towards it, blood dripping down his face onto his shirt.



“You bastard! If you ever come near her again, I’ll kill you! I swear to god I will!” Willow continued yelling from Buffy’s arms.



He turned around and spat on the ground, two or three of his teeth rattling on the concrete.



“Keep her bitch! She’s not worth this trouble!” he spat out at her before he got in the car and they drove off.







Buffy released Willow who wiped her bloodied nose on her shirt sleeve.







She ran her tongue on her upper lip and tasted blood. She raised her fingers to her nose and felt the pain, as if she had just then been punched.







She looked at the astonished looks on her friend’s faces and didn’t bother try to explain. She ran to Tara, who was still on the ground. Her mind ran to conclusions and she felt her heart break.







She dropped to one knee in front of her, looking at her friend’s down-turned head.



“Tara, are you ok?” she said in a surprisingly calm and tender voice. Tara looked up at her, her eyes watery. Willow cupped her face in both hands while Tara raised a shaking hand and touched Willow’s upper lip, which was now beaded in blood.



“You’re h-h-hurt.”



“I’m okay. They’re gone, you’re safe now.” Willow whispered, her thumbs slowly caressing her high cheekbones as Willow drew her to her arms.



Tara locked eyes with Willow and she burst out crying, burrowing herself in Willow’s warm embrace. Willow wrapped her arms around her and rocked her slightly, whispering soothing words to her. Willow raised her own tear-filled eyes and looked at her friends, knowing they needed to process everything before they could talk.



They looked at Willow in shock. They had never seen her so angry, so fierce, and yet so tender and loving. They knew something was up. Willow tried to get up and raise Tara, but her shoulders were still shaking with sobs, her hands clutching at Willow, holding her in a vice-grip. She looked like she wasn’t going to let go of her anytime soon. Willow looked at Xander.



“Xander, where’s the car? Tara’s coming with us tonight.” Her tone didn’t leave any space for argument.



Xander nodded. “The car’s just outside.”



Willow nodded thankfully and wrapped one arm under Tara’s knees before lifting her up. The redhead wasn’t the strongest person in the world, but she lifted Tara with no problem, some strength coming from her anger at Tara’s family.







Willow slid Tara slowly into the backseat as Xander started the car. She slid in next to her and Tara grasped her again, still crying. They drove silently until they arrived at their apartment building. Willow was feeling somewhat weak, the pain from her nose making her slightly dizzy.



“Tara, can you walk?” Willow asked her friend, knowing she was spent from the night. Tara simply nodded against her neck.



They walked into the apartment, Willow’s arm clasped between Tara’s. Willow led them into her room, making Tara sit down on her bed. She disentangled herself from Tara’s grip, earning a whimper that broke her heart. Willow looked at Tara’s tear-stricken face, noticing her swollen lip.



“Tara, did they hit you?” Willow asked slowly, knowing the answer that was fueling her anger even more.



“D-d-d-d-donnie sl-sl-slapped m-m-me b-b-before y-you…” Tara stuttered.



“I get it. It’s okay now. Let me get the first aid kit.” Willow said in a comforting voice. She started getting up when Tara’s whimper made her sit down again.



“Willow, d-d-don’t l-leave me.”



Tara sounded so lost, so scared. She looked at Willow as if she was her safety net, the person who’d stand by her no matter what. It broke Willow’s heart to see her eyes so sad, so pained, so hurt, so terrified. She vowed to herself to try to erase that expression from her eyes and fill it with happiness.



“Xander, can you get the first aid kit?” Willow said, noticing her best-friend standing awkwardly in the doorway. Again he nodded and returned a few minutes later with the kit, a bucket of ice and a bottle of water.



Xander treated Willow and told her that her nose wasn’t broken. He turned to Tara, but as he got closer, she whimpered and crept closer to Willow, clutching her arm. Xander looked at Willow, his brows knitting in confusion.



“I’ll do it. Get some sleep, we’ll talk about all this in the morning.” Willow told him, her eyes saying a silent thanks. He nodded again and left the room.



Willow carefully treated Tara’s swollen lip. She then made Tara dress in an old tee shirt and sweat pants before she herself changed her clothes and slipped next to Tara in the bed. Tara’s tears hadn’t stopped flowing yet, but they had lessened. As soon as Willow got in the bed, Tara crawled slowly to her and had wrapped one arm around her, resting her head in the crook of Willow’s neck. Willow stroked her hair, and soothed her, until Tara started talking about the abuse she had suffered just for being wiccan and her running away to build a new life. She told Willow everything. She told her about her mother’s death, and how the only person she loved was taken away from her, leaving her with her abusive brother and father. She released her inner demons and let the truth come out. And Willow hadn’t stopped stroking her hair all the time. Tara finally slept, tucked tightly against Willow.



In the morning, they had talked to the gang, and they had all been supportive of Tara, their hurt being dissipated by the story of Tara’s life. Before Tara left, she had hugged Willow tightly before kissing her on the cheek.



“Thanks Willow. Thank you so much for being my friend.”



Willow had simply smiled and replied: “Anytime.” she continued wistfully in her mind, a sad smile etched on her lips..




*****



T.B.C



Questions? Comments? Insults? Praise? Love me for reviewing it? Hate me for it? :grin





-------------------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa



The course of love doesn’t always run smooth, especially for the neurotic and accident-prone. ~ LadyB



.:Dark-bliss.net :. .:Blink.Flash.Sparkle.:. .:My blog:. .:Blood and Ink:. .:Washi's 70s Site:.



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 Post subject: Wow.
PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 6:09 pm 
Wow... this is so much more...intense.. than my fic. I like it! And major blush that my fic partly inspired you to try this angle of writing.



Makes me want to try and finish "The Heart Rules..."



Anyway... I love fierce protective Willow getting all large with the butch... and poor sad heart-sick Willow...



Please more more more



:)



cheers

DW :pride





"Promise me you'll never be linear." "On my trout."



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 Post subject: Re: Wow.
PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 8:48 pm 
Liking muchly, even it is a rewrite :applause



-shuyaku

Oh God, Willow—you’re giving me the gift of Karen Carpenter. Just when I think I grasp the full extent of your love." - Tara

"Why do birds suddenly appear? It’s because, you are queer…" - Willow (Gods Served and Abandoned by AntigoneUnbound)



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 Post subject: Re: Wow.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 02, 2004 1:15 am 
Great update :read



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 Post subject: Re: Wow.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 02, 2004 1:53 am 
Wow! Willow did kick some ass. Very impressive. :heart

I loved how she took care of Tara. :love

Awesome update!



s79

I look at horses and I see really big ponies.

The greatest thing you'll learn, is just to love and be loved in return.







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 Post subject: Re: Wow.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 02, 2004 2:23 am 
That was amazing washi..so amazing :heart Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)



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 Post subject: Re: Wow.
PostPosted: Tue Mar 02, 2004 7:01 am 
Hey Washi



Good fic chic. Its intense... and quite real. Took me back to a darker time in my life... *hugs* To me that is when you know you've stumbled onto a good writer, when they can make you 'feel' what is happening. This story does that for me.



Sky



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 Post subject: Part 3 and replies
PostPosted: Tue Mar 02, 2004 4:08 pm 
Hey everyone. Thanks muchly for the feedback. Individual replies and part 3:



DarkWiccan: Hey! Wow, this little piece of fic more intense than yours? No way. For example:



Quote:
“Okay”, Tara agreed, “Thanks, Willow.” Then, for some inexplicable reason, the blonde felt compelled to add, albeit in a silly almost childish voice, “I love you!”



On the other end of the line, Willow swallowed a near-audible gulp. “I…” she began, trying to sound nonchalant, “I love you too.”




I mean, come on, your fic makes me cry every time I reread it.

You finishing "The Heart Rules" would make me love you forever and ever and ever and ever. Hell, I'm a big fan of yours, so yeah! Any update on any fic would be loved. :grin

I'm glad you're liking the multiple facettes of Willow's character. Thanks a lot, and every night, there shall be an update!



shuyaku: Hey! I'm glad you're liking this, nd I hope you'll enjoy the rest. :grin



SJ: Hey! Thanks a lot, and hopefully, you'll continue enjoying this. :grin



snuggle79: Hey! Yeah, Willow got all large with the butch there, but I think that when you love someone that much, you'll do anything to defend them. Anything. Thanks, and I hope you'll enjoy the rest.



sam darls:Hey Sammi! I'm glad you're liking the rewrite. Thanks a lot. :grin



WhiteSkyFire: Hey Sky! I'm happy you felt the pain, the despair in the characters, not that I like you to feel pain, but I'm glad the pain was palpable enough. It makes me feel kinda proud of myself. Kinda, sorta... :lol

Thanks, and I hope you'll like the rest. :grin





TITLE: Here Without You 3/ 10 (I think)

AUTHOR: Washi (ZWS)

FEEDBACK: I love it, I live for it, give it to me!

RATING: R, I think for implied sex, although some steamy scenes are planned.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the characters, Joss does or whoever. If I owned them, do you really think I would let season 6 happen? And why the hell would I be writing this?

So yeah, all belongs to Joss, ME etc...

The lyrics in this piece are owned by their respective owners.

SPOILERS: None, this is AU. It’s set in Sunnydale, but without the whole Hellmouth thingy.

TIMELINE and NOTES: Willow is about 23, Tara is 24, etc…

I read two kickass fics about Willow being in love and Tara being unsure, which are ‘Beholden’ by cinderlust and ‘The Heart Rules the Mind’ by DarkWiccan. Since both these fics aren’t finished, I thought I’d try to write about it.

Also, this fic contains angst, the road to an endless love contains a heartbreak in general.

This is also a way for me to exorcise my own inner demons.

I also hope my music taste doesn’t make people flinch.

Don’t worry, still working on the ‘Sex Journals’, but I needed to get this out of my system.

Do I need to tell you how this ends? Didn’t think so.

Finally, this fic is written, and will have one update a day.

ARCHIVE: Ask and ye shall receive.

DEDICATION: This is for Yel and all the people who ever fell in love with their best friends, and who suffered through a love that’s not returned.



Thoughts are in < >, flashbacks in italics, and lyrics in bold.



*****



Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it

And I'm going the extremes to prove I'm fine without you

But in reality I'm slowly loosing my mind

Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside

Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly

'Cause I don't want to reveal that fact that I'm suffering

So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night

And turn down all the lights and then break down and cry



Mariah Carey







Willow was startled out of her reverie when Xander and Anya sat down in front of her after their dances. Willow smiled softly.



“Will! Whatcha thinking?” Xander asked, his eyes twinkling.



“I bet I know what she’s thinking of. Or should I say who?” Anya said smirking before pointing at the Bronze’s entrance. Willow turned her head and saw Tara coming in with Buffy and Dawn.



Willow’s mouth was open as she let her eyes wander down Tara’s body, taking in the golden hair, the finely chiseled face, the curvaceous body, covered up by a dark red leather coat.



love that coat! I wish I was Tara’s leather coat, no wait, I wish I was Tara’s bra, or no wait, her panties. Or no, I just wanna be her lover, cause panties and bras don’t move, and I wanna be able to touch, and mold, and lick, and suck, and…>



“Will, you might wanna close your mouth. You’re gonna drool. Very unsexy.” Xander whispered to her, smiling cheekily.



Willow closed her mouth and glared at him. She composed herself as the three girls made their way to them. When they finally arrived in front of them, Willow had already put up her ‘best friend only’ smile.



“Hey guys!” Buffy, Dawn and Tara greeted them.



“Hey.” they all responded.



Tara plunked herself next to Willow on the couch. She smiled at her and gave her a quick 'best friend type' peck on the cheek. Willow felt her heart start dancing around again. She wished she could just reach out and kiss her properly, on the lips, but she knew she couldn’t, and her heart ached once more. Her smile faltered, and she quickly put it back in place, but it was somewhat cracked, as if her whole façade was about to crumble.



“Whatcha drinking Will?” Tara asked as she eyed Willow’s drink.



“Just a Pina-colada. Want a sip?” she asked, her smile firmly back in place, as she eyed her drink.



“Sure.” Tara said before leaning over and sipping the drink using the little straw. Willow’s eyes were locked on her lips, as they parted slowly, touched the straw, encircling it before she sucked lightly. Willow felt arousal sweep through her body at the simple gesture. Tara pulled away.



“Yummy.” she said, licking her lips.



Willow thought, restraining herself to not point at Tara and shout that. She took a few deep breaths.



“Want one?” Willow asked calmly instead.



“Sure.” Tara replied smiling. Willow called a passing waiter and Buffy and Dawn ordered drinks along with Willow.



A while later, Willow was drinking her third drink while gazing at Tara discreetly, or as discreetly as a half-drunk person could. She liked feeling kind of light-headedness, but she inwardly berated herself for drinking. Her body had now a mind of it’s own, and all she wanted to do was grab Tara in a huge embrace and kiss her until she fainted. She had already caught her hand moving towards Tara’s thigh a couple of times and finally decided to clasp her hands in her lap securely. She felt the ache of having to restrain herself start again, and she swallowed audibly a fresh wave of sadness and tears.

She knew she should just give up and try to find love somewhere else, but she couldn’t, her heart wouldn’t allow her that. So, she just gazed at Tara, looking at her Greek profile, at the way her lips curled up in a lazy smile, or at the way only the left side of her mouth raised up in a sultry grin.

Willow wanted to trace her lips, just to touch them lightly. To feel their texture and fullness under her fingertips, and she fidgeted slightly, clasping her hands tighter in her lap. There were so many things Willow wanted to do, but she never did any of them. So, she just stared, stared and love from a distance, even though she was sitting close to Tara.







In her staring, Willow was suddenly aware of a man walking towards them, seeing him from the corner of her eyes. He walked casually up to Tara, and then crouched down in front of her.



“Hey Tara.”



“Hey Brad. How are you?”



“I’m good.” He said, running his hands in his thick black hair. His piercing blue eyes connected with Tara’s. “Wanna dance?”



Willow, who had been quietly sipping on her drink almost choked and she glared at him, her eyes narrowed in jealousy. Her eyes then softened as she recalled that Tara never danced with anyone.



Willow thought, smiling slightly in victory.







“Must be your lucky day Brad. I feel like dancing tonight.” she answered, putting her hand in his extended one. He smiled, showing his dimples as he led her to the dance floor.



Willow couldn’t breathe. She felt her heart being torn as she watched the love of her life go with someone else. Her whole world seemed to crash around her. She stared as the song they were about to dance to slowed down as a slow song came up. Willow closed her eyes, trying to shove her jealousy, her pain and heartbreak down. She opened them again to see the couple dancing, his arms around her waist, and hers over his shoulders, their faces close. She put her hand over her heart, feeling it being shred to pieces. She gasped silently as she watched the couple swaying lightly under the soft lights, smiling at each other. She felt her eyes getting moist, and she closed them to dismiss the tears that were inevitably going to fall. She felt the searing pain travel from her heart to her whole body, giving her goosebumps. The pain hit her, wave after wave, like a rippling pond. She opened her eyes when she felt a hand on her shoulder.



“Willow, are you okay?” asked Buffy, a concerned look on her face.



Willow managed to stamp a weak smile, one that barely even touched her lips, on her face. “I’m… I’m… ok. But I’m… gonna go… Headache. I… I have a headache.” she managed to say, as she felt her whole frame being hit by the molten pain.



Her breathing hitched, her nostrils twitched and her eyes watered. The song ended, and Tara was making her way back to her seat, smiling softly. Willow tossed some money for her drinks and got up hurriedly. She knew she was about to crack at any second now, and she didn’t want Tara to see her anguish. She should be happy for Tara, she told herself. It had been one of the only times Tara had accepted an invitation to dance, and Brad was a genuinely nice guy. But Willow didn’t think it would hurt her so much to see Tara, the love of her life, in the arms of another. The other part of her mind was telling her to let Tara see how much simple dance with another could hurt her. That it was just wrong for her to be in someone’s arms… someone who wasn’t Willow. She shook her head and slowly started walking towards the exit, ignoring Xander calling her and telling her he had the car keys. She kept walking, putting one foot in front of the other mechanically. She felt the numbing pain travel her whole body, making walking a difficult skill she couldn’t quite manage. She stopped however when she heard Tara telling her to wait.



“Willow… don’t leave yet!”



Willow turned around to face Tara, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.



“I… I don’t feel… good. I… I need to lay down… and sleep.” Willow told her, her voice cracking.



She turned around once more, looking down at her feet and heading to the doorway. And stopped again when Tara touched her arm. She forced herself to turn around, one lonely tear making it’s way down her cheek.



“Willow, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Tara asked, searching Willow’s green eyes. And finding such pain, sadness and sorrow that her heart clenched.



“I… I’m not okay… I… I hurt… I’ll… I’ll call you… in a few days. Bye.” Willow hiccupped, her words coming out in broken syllables, before she turned around and ran to the door, still trying to hold in her tears.



Tara fought the urge to run behind her, something telling her that she needed to be alone for a while. She made her way back to her seat on the couch, now empty without Willow.



“What happened? Willow was fine a minute ago.” Tara asked the group, who had watched the whole scene.



Buffy and Xander were feeling their hearts breaking as they saw the sorrow in Willow’s expression while she talked to Tara. They hated seeing her hurt like that. Willow didn’t deserve to suffer like that. Her heart had been broken too many times, way too many times for such a good person. Xander cleared his throat.



“It was sudden. It just came out of nowhere, and, she wasn’t ready for it. It took her by surprise, at the moment she least suspected it to.” Xander said, resting his forearms on his knees.



“What did?” Tara asked, her frown lines deepening.



“Her headache!” Buffy nearly shrieked out. “The headache took her by surprise. You know how those things are… sneaky and all.” Buffy continued more calmly.



“Oh please!” Anya said, exasperated. “She was upset because she saw you dan…” Anya stopped, not finishing because of Xander’s hand covering her mouth.



“Wait? My d-dancing with Brad upset her? Why?” Tara asked, confused, and feeling completely sorry.







Xander and Buffy looked at each other before they decided to end the pain.



“Your dancing with Brad…” Xander began.



“It broke her heart into jagged little pieces. It tore it apart as if someone had mauled it. Your dancing with Brad shred her heart like grated cheese. I have many other metaphors, but I think you understand.” Anya explained.



“But why?” Tara asked, her own heart breaking as she thought of causing so much pain to her friend.



Tara thought, the thought making her body and soul fill with a happiness she couldn’t explain. The happiness was instantly eclipsed by the thought of the pain she had caused her dear redhead. She had practically danced over her heart, stomping it to a bloody mess. She felt horrible.



she thought as tears found their way into her eyes.



“She’s in love with you Tara. Can’t you see it?” Xander told her, his voice full with sadness.



“I sh-should go after her…” Tara started, getting up.



“No, don’t. It’ll just hurt her more. Give her a few days to compose herself again. Then, talk to her.” Buffy said, patting her hand awkwardly.



Tara nodded and sank into a gloom she hadn’t known since her mother died as she thought of Willow.







*****



TBC...

-------------------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa



The course of love doesn’t always run smooth, especially for the neurotic and accident-prone. ~ LadyB



.:
Dark-bliss.net :. .:Blink.Flash.Sparkle.:. .:My blog:. .:Blood and Ink:. .:Washi's 70s Site:.

Edited by: Washi  at: 3/2/04 4:11 pm


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 Post subject: Re: Part 3 and replies
PostPosted: Tue Mar 02, 2004 5:57 pm 
Ooh, ooh, ooh - I totally forgot that they tell Tara! :shock I loved this fic the first time around - and I love this version too :D



-shuyaku

Oh God, Willow—you’re giving me the gift of Karen Carpenter. Just when I think I grasp the full extent of your love." - Tara

"Why do birds suddenly appear? It’s because, you are queer…" - Willow (Gods Served and Abandoned by AntigoneUnbound)



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 Post subject: Re: Part 3 and replies
PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2004 3:11 am 
:sob You got me teary eyed here. phew. Well, at least, Tara knows now. Curious to see what happens next! :)



Great update

s79

I look at horses and I see really big ponies.

The greatest thing you'll learn, is just to love and be loved in return.







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 Post subject: Re: Part 3 and replies
PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2004 3:35 am 
Washi..amazing as always. Loved it :heart Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)



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 Post subject: Re: Part 3 and replies
PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2004 2:13 pm 
Washi... incredible, just incredible. Your writing is wonderful and the emotions come through so well. I eagerly await the next update.



Marcia



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 Post subject: Part 4 and replies:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2004 5:11 pm 
Hey everyone, it's that time of the night again! :lol

Replies and then update:



shuyaku: Hey! I'm glad you're following this. And yeah, they told her. Bad bad people. :lol

Thanks, and I hope you'll like the rest.



snuggle79: Hey you! I only got you teary-eyed? I must be losing my touch. :lol Hope ya like the rest and thanks.



sam darls: Hey Sammi! I'm glad you liked it. Here's the next part! :grin Thanks



marciam: Hey Marcia! Incredible? Nah. I'm glad it works, but no way is this incredible. But I'm happy you think so. :lol

Hope you'll enjoy the rest.



And Thanks to everyone who's reading!



TITLE: Here Without You 4/ 10 (I think)

AUTHOR: Washi (ZWS)

FEEDBACK: I love it, I live for it, give it to me!

RATING: R, I think for implied sex, although some steamy scenes are planned.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the characters, Joss does or whoever. If I owned them, do you really think I would let season 6 happen? And why the hell would I be writing this?

So yeah, all belongs to Joss, ME etc...

The lyrics in this piece are owned by their respective owners.

SPOILERS: None, this is AU. It’s set in Sunnydale, but without the whole Hellmouth thingy.

TIMELINE and NOTES: Willow is about 23, Tara is 24, etc…

I read two kickass fics about Willow being in love and Tara being unsure, which are ‘Beholden’ by cinderlust and ‘The Heart Rules the Mind’ by DarkWiccan. Since both these fics aren’t finished, I thought I’d try to write about it.

Also, this fic contains angst, the road to an endless love contains a heartbreak in general.

This is also a way for me to exorcise my own inner demons.

I also hope my music taste doesn’t make people flinch.

Don’t worry, still working on the ‘Sex Journals’ and Dark Core, but I needed to get this out of my system.

Do I need to tell you how this ends? Didn’t think so.

Finally, this fic is written, and will have one update a day.

ARCHIVE: Ask and ye shall receive.

DEDICATION: This is for Yel and all the people who ever fell in love with their best friends, and who suffered through a love that’s not returned.



Thoughts are in < >, flashbacks in italics, and lyrics in bold.



*****



My shattered dreams and broken heart

Are mending on the shelf

I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else

Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone

I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do

But have one last cry



Brian McKnight



Living will always be a struggle looking for someone to love you

Looking back at single horrors, this madness makes me want to hide

Slowly, internally, I’m dying

Pillow case is wet from all my crying

There is nothing more for me to live for

Take me away, I can’t live that life no more



Alicia Keys





As soon as Willow walked out of the Bronze, she let her tears flow. She walked unsteadily to an alley near the Bronze and threw up, the sight of seeing Tara in someone else’s arms being totally rejected by her body. She rested a clammy hand on her forehead, feeling the hot skin underneath it. Willow didn’t want to break down completely there. She felt rage engulfing her and she started running towards her apartment at full speed, tears streaking down her face as she thought of Tara, her Tara dancing and smiling at Brad. She ran until she felt her leg muscles burn with the effort as her feelings charring inside her with molten searing pain. She ran up to her apartment. She reached into her purse and took out her keys before trying to insert it into the lock, trying unsuccessfully a few times, her hands shaking with suppressed pain. She was crying, however it was nothing but the tip of the iceberg that was digging into her heart. She finally flung open the door and closed it behind her, before collapsing in front of the it on her knees and letting it all go.



She cried tears of sorrow, of pain, of rage and of a maelstrom of emotions she couldn’t quite name. Her mind told her she was being foolish, that it was just a dance. But her soul and her heart told her that it was more than that. In the last year, Tara hadn’t danced with anyone in front of Willow. That had always filled her heart with hope, telling her she had a chance, as tiny as it may seem. But now, Willow knew it was over, that Tara wasn’t waiting around for her to make her move slowly. Tara had feelings, but she didn’t share the love Willow felt for her. That was what hurt most. The knowledge that she had lived one year of her life, one year loving someone she would never, and could never have. That she had hoped, she had dreamed, she had wished for something that was out of her reach. And now, all the hope she had built by replaying Tara’s words over and over in her head, looking for a hidden message, all that hope that had sprung into her heart whenever Tara smiled at her, or hugged her, or gave her a kiss on the cheek, or called her, or laughed at her jokes, all that hope just crumbled down, shattering her soul and breaking her heart into a million pieces in the process. And to make matters worse, she knew that she would forever love Tara, no matter what would happen. She’d love her ‘til her dying day and in afterlife. Tara would never love her, but Willow had given up her entire life living in a false hope. Willow felt dead.



She cried over her lost hope, over her shattered soul and her broken heart. Life without Tara and without hope wasn’t life. Willow cried over her own death.



*****



Xander walked to his apartment and pushed the door lightly. The door wouldn’t open though, and he tried poking his head in, only to find Willow on her knees in front of the door, weeping sorrowfully, hitting the floor with her fists.



“Willow…” he whispered tightly.



The redhead looked up, and Xander felt his heart break. Her eyes were glossy and red, and her green depth now only held monumental pain. Her mascara was running, leaving dark tears of pain on her smooth face. Her hair was damp, and stuck to her face. She looked like a fallen angel, an angel who’s wings had been crushed, who lost all hope, everything.



“Xan?” she whispered, her voice raspy and coarse. She raised her hands, and moved slightly, and Xander walked in, moving immediately to hold the redhead in his arms.



“Shhh…” he whispered as she grasped his shirt and started crying uncontrollably. “Shh Willow… Shhh… Everything’s gonna be fine… Shh…”



“Xander, why? Why me?” She hiccupped. “Why do I have to always be the one whose heart is broken? Why Xander? Why?”



“I don’t know Will, I don’t know.” He whispered, not knowing what exactly to say.



She continued crying, soaking up the comfort of being in her best friend’s arms, yet wishing they were Tara’s.



*****



Tara lay on her bed, her eyes swollen from crying, tears she never knew she had streaming down her face. Once again, she thought of the pain she had inflected to her friend, to her savior, to Willow.

Looking at the ceiling, Tara couldn’t help but see again in her mind’s eye the look of despair and of pain in Willow’s eyes just before she left the Bronze.

Tara turned on her side, trying to fall asleep, but her mind just wouldn’t be quiet.







And yet, Tara didn’t know why she felt that bad. Of course, she should feel bad for her friend, but this wasn’t just compassion, this was heartbreak. She was feeling her chest tighten as she once again thought of her redhead.



My redhead? Where did that one come from?>



She dismissed the idea and turned on her other side, and yet, the image of Willow never left her mind. She quietly started thinking of the redhead while sniffling. She thought of the way she laughed, of the way she smiled, or drank something, or cried. And suddenly, it hit her.







She closed her eyes and tried something, something she had read about. She opened her mouth and whispered to the night the name of the redhead.



“Willow.”



And the quiet sound was answered by the frantic beating of her own heart. She sat there, confused and tried another name.



“Buffy.”



Her heart slowed down and started beating regularly. And she tried again.



“Willow.”



Her heart sped up once more. Was she?







She felt her heart soar and then crash down. And once more, she cried.



*****



Willow thought to herself as she sipped her coffee on Monday morning.



Xander came into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes.



“Morning Willow. How are ya feeling today?” he asked, sitting down and pouring himself a cup of coffee.



“Numb.” she replied, her eyes hollowly looking inside her coffee cup.



“Numb? Is that better than sad and depressed? Or crying?” he asked, taking a sip of the too-strong coffee and thinking about her devastating weekend, spent crying and throwing up. He made a face and poured some milk in his mug.



“Numb means I’ve cried enough to not feel anything anymore. I’m cried out. Do you get it? I feel numb.”



“Willow, you have to shake yourself out of this.” he eyed her coffee mug. “And how the hell can you drink coffee that strong black?”



“It makes me feel even more numb. The caffeine keeps me going. Or, I’m gonna break down.”



“Maybe you wouldn’t break down if you ate something. Willow, you’re killing yourself.” he said, touching her hand.



“I died Saturday night.” she replied, looking at her watch. “I gotta go or I’m gonna be late. I’ll see you later Xander.” she said, closing the door behind her.



*****



“Tara, coffee?” Buffy asked her friend, who was sitting down in the kitchen, looking miserable.



Tara barely acknowledged her, shaking her head. Buffy frowned. Tara had been in this pensive mood ever since Willow left the Bronze two nights ago. She kept seeing in her mind’s eye over and over the look of despair in Willow’s eyes, and the tears that were running freely down her cheeks. She sighed loudly, wishing she could have done something about it, instead of let her leave.



“Tara?” Buffy asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. Tara started at the contact.



“Yeah?”



“Are you okay?”



“I’m chipper.” The dark-blonde replied, her tone dripping with sarcasm.



“Talk to me Tare. What are you thinking about?” Buffy asked, her eyes boring into Tara’s.



“Willow.” she whispered.



“Uh huh. You feel guilty?” Buffy asked. Tara simply nodded. “You couldn’t have known.”



“Yes, I could have, if I hadn’t denied everything I was feeling. I love her Buffy. I don’t wanna hurt her.” she finished in a whisper.



“Of course you don’t. We all love Willow.”



“No, I don’t think you understand Buffy. I’ve been thinking, and I realized that I loved her.”



“Huh?”



“I love Willow! I’m in love with her!” Tara replied, her voice shaking.



“Oh! Well, that’s a good thing.”



“But, I broke her heart Buffy.”



“Look Tara, Willow is the strongest person I know. You two just need to talk. Everything will be okay.”



“I hope you’re right, I really do.” Tara said, her eyes tearing up at the thought of her red-haired love.



She had thought of Willow all weekend, of why she felt like killing herself when she understood she had broken her heart. She had always felt something for Willow, but on thinking more about it, she understood that she loved her. And the dreams she kept having only strengthened that theory. She loved Willow and she broke her heart by her doubt, by her denial.



*****



“Willow, could I talk to you for a minute?” Rupert Giles said, popping his head in her office.



“Sure.”



She followed her English boss to his office. He motioned her to sit down.



“You do know that we’ve been working on the new database for the “Benson Foundation” in San Francisco?”



“Yeah, I do. But, I thought that Marti and Faith had it covered.”



“Yes, well, a small incident has happened, and Marti has broken her legs in a fall. Which means that she cannot go.”



“Oh. You want me to fill in?” Willow said, thinking about how good it would feel to get out of Sunnydale for a while to clear her thoughts.



“Why yes, but they were supposed to head there tonight.”



“Oh.” Willow thought, thinking about the time she’d need to pack her stuff.



“I do know this is very short notice, but you looked like you could use sometime from Sunnydale. You can refuse, of course.”



“No, I’ll go. I just need to pack. How long am I going to stay there?”



Giles smiled. “Well, three weeks or so I suppose. Is that alright for you?”



“Sure. Can I go pack?”



“Why, yes of course, you have the day off to pack. I have the plane tickets ready. You should meet Faith at the airport at six.”



“Sure thing. Thanks Giles. I won’t disappoint you.”



“I know Willow. Here’s the layout.” he said, handing her a thick manila folder. She nodded and headed towards the door.



“Oh, Willow.” He called her. She turned around, expectantly. “Try to smile my dear child. I rather do not like you looking so bleak.” he said, smiling softly at her.



“I’ll try Giles, thanks.” she replied, her voice low, before stepping outside.



*****



TBC ...



-------------------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa



The course of love doesn’t always run smooth, especially for the neurotic and accident-prone. ~ LadyB



.:Dark-bliss.net :. .:Blink.Flash.Sparkle.:. .:My blog:. .:Blood and Ink:. .:Washi's 70s Site:.



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 Post subject: Re: Part 4 and replies:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2004 5:36 pm 
Argh! Washi.. you said it was weak.. I think its a little to close to what happen to me and Ayn! (by the way.. if you cant tell.. I like)

I spent a few months pining over Aynsley. She had even asked me a couple times if I was falling for her. heh.. i lied.. and said no. Long story short... well.. you know where we stand.



Sky



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 Post subject: Re: Part 4 and replies:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2004 5:46 pm 
Yes, Washi, Incredible. :clap Loving the nightly updates so keep 'em coming, okay?



Marcia



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 Post subject: Re: Part 4 and replies:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2004 6:01 pm 
Great update Washi :applause I don't know for sure, but that part seems significantly different from the first go round on this story... Am I right :confused



:kgeek I love that emoticon - hee hee.

-shuyaku

Oh God, Willow—you’re giving me the gift of Karen Carpenter. Just when I think I grasp the full extent of your love." - Tara

"Why do birds suddenly appear? It’s because, you are queer…" - Willow (Gods Served and Abandoned by AntigoneUnbound)



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 Post subject: Re: Part 4 and replies:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 03, 2004 6:10 pm 
It's nice to see Tara's thoughts through her revelation - we didn't see that in the first version - it really strengthens the story.

--------------------------

Tinna Karen

-tölvunörd í fyrsta ættlið



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 Post subject: Re: Part 4 and replies:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2004 1:24 am 
Great update,amazing writing :read



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 Post subject: Re: Part 4 and replies:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2004 2:21 am 
*sigh* And now she's leaving. Darn. I hope they will see each other before Willow is gone. But then again, i have the feeling that you won't give us that satisfaction yet, right? :hmm

Great update! :)



snuggle79

I look at horses and I see really big ponies.

The greatest thing you'll learn, is just to love and be loved in return.





Edited by: snuggle79 at: 3/4/04 2:22 am


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 Post subject: Re: Part 4 and replies:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2004 2:35 am 
That was amazing and so beautiful :love Love Sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)



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 Post subject: Re: Part 4 and replies:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2004 11:42 am 
more....



I...NEED....MORE...





*giggles*





lovin this!! keep it coming!



-Nickole

"All fear is the fear of loss. And only through that fear, can we truly love."



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 Post subject: Re: Part 4 and replies:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2004 12:47 pm 
Hey! Remember me???

well for the first 3 parts, you can look at my feedback at the first edition's thread :p

However I must say that I liked the remodeling you've done on chapter 4, it explains Willow's hasty departure to SF...

I also liked the whole heart beating thing!





More???





~Arwen

Hear That Baby? You're My Always... Willow



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