Morning Edition:Chapter One Hundred and Nineteen: When in This Grace
There must be time to understand….there must be time to think about…all of this…
But still I kneel by her chair…oblivious to all of the signs… And still I grasp her porcelain cool hand in mine and press my cheek against the tops of her slender fingers….
And still I look up into her face…so like my mother’s …so like my own….
You do remember…don’t you….?
I do remember……I remember thinking…so many years before this…. that she and my mother were twins….for most of my young life, I harboured the fantasy that they could finish each other’s sentences…or be mistaken for one another at the drop of a hat…just like in the television shows…
Though my mother was almost three years Aunt Acacia’s junior…and I KNEW this…I still liked to pretend that they were two sides of the same coin…
But it turned out the only thing they did share was a remarkable resemblance…
Where my mother had been talented, shy, and reserved with her abilities…she was also unfathomably loving and kind…
Aunt Acacia had turned out to be Mother’s polar opposite… Brash…and flippant with the magicks…and mildly possessive…vaguely insane…and wholly jealous of everything that her sister possessed…especially her special little girl….the little girl with so much raw natural ability that it waned her own…
Even knowing all of this…I loved her fiercely...
And Aunt Acacia had loved me more than anyone…as much as she knew how to love…
"You look like your mother." Acacia says to me now…stroking my cheek with the back of her hand. I blink back tears and look up again to take in her every last detail.
She hasn’t aged a day…And she still wears that wide red satin ribbon around her throat…and those fitted black dresses…she always wore black dresses….Her honey-blonde hair pulled up away from her shoulders…
As I had gotten a older…I quickly realized that my mother and her sister did not look as much alike as I had first thought…especially not twins….And that my Aunt bore more than a passing resemblance to the 80’s actress, Linda Hamilton. Her features slightly stronger and more defined than my mother’s…or my own…
On occasion..with the tilt of my head or a certain smile…I find I can pull a little bit of Sarah Connor out of my own little expression hat.
But it hadn’t occurred to you until now? Why do you think that is, Tara? What MADE you forget all of this…?
" Come…sit down with me…a while…." She says…and I am lulled by her even voice, and depthless blue-green eyes…
Because this is all a trick…. There is something you have to do for them…something they want from you….
I stand up and walk over to the chair opposite her at the small round table. I place my hands on the warm surface….I gaze down at the symbols on the table before me….they make no sense…just disjunct pictures and shapes…words… in a language I do not recognize…
A fog has invaded my peripheral vision….and the only thing that I can see is the table…and my hands upon its smooth surface...
What does it mean? What does it say?
" We love you, Tara….We want you…to stay here….to…remember for us…." She says gently…motioning lightly to Sir Fustian…who hops down off my shoulder and scampers out of my line of sight.
Love…..love……. Panic surges through my veins…
" Willow!….Where is Willow?" I say groggily…trying to look around…trying to find a way to get out…to find Willow….but I can’t bring myself to move…
…Something is terribly, terribly wrong here….
And there are some things best left forgotten…best left buried deep within….Tara…
" Some things you have to sacrifice…some… people….hold you back from your potential…but they will soon be nothing…." Aunt Acacia croons.
She’s NOT talking about Willow and the others…..She couldn’t be… I fight to have my own thoughts…my own mind…
And I gasp as the pictures on the table move beneath the lacquer…
" That’s right…remember…." Aunt Acacia presses.
" I don’t…want to…" I say defiantly…unable to keep from watch that table churn…and reveal itself to me…..
But you do….Oh Goddess…you do…..
And now there is nothing…nothing except this table…and I have the sudden sinking feeling that I’ve been duped…tricked …by this woman who should love me…
And it wasn’t the first time…
Wasn’t it why we left? Why Momma took her family…and ran away from this…?
Acacia points to a spot on the table…where the words writhe into place…she looks from the table to me… a newfound anxiousness in her eyes….her lips pulled back in anticipation.
I close my eyes….
Sometimes…you used to leave places…you used to just shimmer away…..Momma used to call you her Little Pixie…..and then you forgot….you forgot how to shimmer…. But right now you need it more than ever…before something awful happens….
I strain at the edges of my memory…trying to recall how it is done…how a little girl could go from place to place….how…
But nothing happens….nothing at all….disappointment washes through me….
" Say it…." Acacia demands. I shake my head…my eyes opening on their own accord….I find I HAVE to look at those awful words…the words I know….the words that will…
I shake my head and she doubles her efforts.
"Such pretty words…soft on the tongue….lovely when spoken….such pretty words….just say them…and I’ll let you go…I’ll let you find your Willow and the others…and I’ll let you leave here…because I love you…because you’re FAMILY…" She says.
You heard her…she’ll let you go….all of you….
I look at the first circle of words….
" Promise me you’ll let my friends go…" I say.
" Of course…I promise…." She says…pointing to the words again…..
I look down at them…and they come together for me…and only me…. I take a deep breath….and read…
" Ili se ut Chakna te peli Shelna…"
I call first to the Keeper of the Primary Lock
" Et Shelna pe tagora em ilato sei…."
And the Lock will turn on this night…..
" Et Shelna pe Hanem shen sei….."
And the Lock will find its housing this night…
" Et Gredasim Shelna se vigrestas m’tet…."
And the People of the Lock shall be set free….
" Et Gredasim Shelna pe takleta im’ efetate…"
I look up at my Aunt from across the table…eyes wide….unbelieving…
The ground begins a steady shudder beneath us…and I feel my heart clench….
And the People of the Lock will rule over the Plane of the Living for all time…..
" The first lock alters the reality enough for them to arrive…..It greases the wheels of the bizarre… so to speak…" She says excitedly…..
" This is…wrong…this is…BAD…" I moan…trying to turn my face away from the table…as a little girl did so many years ago when her Momma came to save her…to take her away from this place….
" No…. I won’t do this…." I say, and stand up…but only long enough to stop my upward momentum…
…I am slammed back down into the chair by an unseen force…
" You WILL read the other two circles, Tara" She says… and points down at the table.
And that is when the most horrific sound I have ever heard begins…
TBC…
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"You're *NOT* the source of me." - Buffy
" I mock you with my monkey pants!" -Oz
" Tremble!" Gachnar (Fear Itself)
[This message has been edited by wiccachica (edited March 28, 2002).]