A Moment of Truth

[Sapphire eyes]

I really wish that I could have gone too,

[Auriam]

It's so difficult right now for me.
I open my heart for a long time now i want to close it cause it hurt too much but i can't.
I'm scary cause if i close it i may not open it again.
It feel like i can't stop to cry, i can't stop the pain.
It's like i don't know who i'm anymore, what i have to do.
I try to change the way i feel, I try to be happy, it will take time, lots of time.

[JujuDeRoussie]

I don't like to be helpless, I wish I could erase pain from their hearts. And I don't know how I can help the slightest. I remember feeling that way and be tired of people trying to help me, or angry at them because they were distant. I truly don't know the just middle. It scares me, annoys me.

[Sapphire eyes]

I am a really good swimmer!

[Anonymous]

okay its my turn now....pay attention please!! lol

i tell u what...i easily gain weight and im getting fat and fat and fat...omg....thats not good ait?

[wettyh]

I justed wanted to say that i am so glad i found this place (kitten board, and then this thread) because this place is really cool, you know, being amongst people who understand what it is to be les/bi. This is actually my first post, and i spose it's the reason i became a member here, because i have so many things that i cant share with my family or friends, so thanks guys
here goes:

Four people in my family have died of cancer, three recently, i'm really sad, but every time I bring it up with my family they all kinda turn away (no one wants to face it i spose) and i have this really selfish fear of getting cancer myself, because from what i've seen, it isnt an easy way to die. Stupid actually, seeing as im still young, but yeah.

I'm a lesbian, but cant tell my parents , because i brought up the topic once and my mum wouldnt speak to me for days. She hasnt acted normal towards me since. Im scared to tell my dad, because i dont want to ruin the father/daughter thing. So i pretend to be heterosexual, and its so painful.

This is gonna sound completely lame, but im so in love with my best friend, and she's straight. Plus, i have this huge problem with intimacy, you know, hugs and stuff, which makes it worse, cos i feel that if i hug her i wont let go...i dont know what to do.

righto! that's it....for now

[wettyh]

ooooooh, another one

i tell jokes to cover up how i really feel...quite decieving

[singgirl]

I knew she really liked me. She's a good friend. I don't see a relationship with her, though. But, when she made a move, I went ahead and slept with her anyway. It was awesome, but now I know I'm a bad person, because it's likely I ruined a friendship for the sake of hormones... I was aware the whole time of what I was doing and now best possible scenario, I'm going to really hurt my friend...

[writerfreak]

She makes the pain go away.......and I think that I'm going to hurt her.......I hate that.

writerfreak

[LestatDraconus]

I tried to read all the posts so I could have an idea what to post but I only managed to read the first two and the last two pages.

Years ago I told my friend I loved her and I hung onto that like a lifeline even though we're 10,000 miles away (she lives in Germany). I eventually let it go after I realised what I was doing; how stupid it was to hold on hope that a friend I had never met yet developed an amazing friendship with could just instantly fall in love with me and we could be together (even though we physically couldn't).

I always feel I am going to say something inappropriate or stupid or inflammatory against one of her partners, and the checks I hold myself in with are coming away. One by one.

It doesn't help that she knows I like her that way and sends me hot pics of her every once in a while.

[Sapphire eyes]

Some days are so hard.

[mangled_monkey]

Any time she messages me now, I want to cry. It hurts so much that she claims she wants to be my friend but can't even understand that any negative reaction that I have is because I'm concerned about her, not because I don't want her to be happy or anything else like that. I really think the choice she's making will negatively affect her health, but she's never really been one to take that into consideration when she makes a decision.

I want her to be happy, I think she deserves happiness more than many people. I always have felt that way. I used to think I wanted to be the reason she was happy, but I think we were both too fucked up to be anything but a fucked up couple. I still love her dearly, and I wish there were something I could do to make her see that besides lying and pretending I'm happy for her when I'm not. I always thought part of being a friend was being honest, but I guess that was a faulty assumption.

I don't really understand how things have gotten to the point that they're at. I mean, logically and psychologically, I can trace it. I can see the connections. But I don't understand WHY things happened the way they did. And for someone as connection-concerned as me, this is very frustrating. I think I'm finally on my way to becoming the wonderful woman that I want to be, and that burst of self-esteem is amazing and powerful. But I could never convey that to her because she never gave me the chance. I'm really starting to see my future in a positive light just because I'm myself and I'm going to MAKE something of myself. I don't need her in it anymore. I don't need anyone in it anymore to make me happy.

But I still wish I could have her in my life anyway. Not needing someone isn't the same as not wanting someone. There are many someones that I want in my life. None that I need. And that's how I think it should be. I'm learning to stand on my own and really prosper while doing so.

I wish she could know how much I love her, and I hope she reads this. She was a very important person in my life for awhile. Hell, she WAS my life for those few months. But that's not healthy, that's not what builds strong futures. What builds a strong future is a strong person. I want a strong future, so I need to be a strong person.

She's SO strong, and she'll have a strong future. I just hope it's the right kind of strong, and the right kind of future.

If you're reading this, you already know it's you. I love you. I really do, I just wish you to know that. You're still an integral part of my past, even if you don't want to be in my future.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

i'm not doing great right now, and no matter how many excuses i make to others, i know it's because i've lost motivation, and i don't know why. i fear i'm getting depressed again.

[gorn]

I inadvertently became a Vixen ... and it wasn't even a Thursday. I feel like I've squandered it, you know? I feel cheap.

[Sapphire eyes]

My nephew is like a little ray of sunshine and I don't even care if he gets gurgly-spit in my face. I love that little dude.

[umgaynow]

it's been 9 years and I still have dreams about her

[Sapphire eyes]

My Mum deserves better.

[singgirl]

i miss being on drugs more than is healthy

[Auriam]

Sometimes people are so blind they think everything is around them

[Sapphire eyes]

Sometimes i wonder if someone will see if i disapear.

I mean it's like on this board that i love so much when i don't post for a long time. i don't think someone see it.

In my life i feel the same if i stop calling my family they won't bother to try to call me either my "friend".

If i died tomorow in my place how much time after it somebody are going to see my lake of presence?

I am sure in time things will get better for you, you have alot of friends and I am sure that deep down your family loves you. I know it feels really bad now but things will get better. Perhaps you could sort out some councelling or someone to talk to that could help you. I don't think working long hours helps either but at least you have got money. Quite ofetn people have alot of good things going for them but its hard for them to see. Relax and enjoy being young! Take care.

[Floyd]

I feel really alone.

[gorn]

You're not alone - you've got a guinea pig with a pancake on it's head, and you've got all of us, too. Willow & Tara fans might often feel lonely, but they're never really alone.

[Floyd]

It's a rabbit. :( But you can't see his ears ;cause he has a pancake on his head.

I want a rabbit called Pancake.

But.. Cheers.

[sweet satin lover]

I am never ever going to have plastic surgery. Gross. Painful. I am me and I like the way I look.

[umgaynow]

I want a rabbit with a pancake on its head!

[ambercissism]

[Yours]

She could have told me, just one little text... Well when she's feeling better I'm gunna kick her ass!

[sweet satin lover]

Some people can make the world a beautiful place just by being in it.

[Yours]

I need a hug

[sweet satin lover]

I need a hug

Hugs you lots!