Reunion

[Missocki]

Okay so I just started reading this fic and I MUST have more. This is a refreshing plot and I love it.

Although I still want to slip the Willow for marrying some "nice Jewish boy" when we ALL know she wants the "kickass wiccan woman".


I can't wait for the next installment!

[Tujeky]

Ooh I'm loving it. All this angst and miscommunication. And this hope, this possibility, that both of them are in total denial about (15 years of denial - must be pretty potent)

Can't wait for their meeting, however strained it may or may not be.

And this from Dawn, not pivotal to the story, and perhaps accidental (?), made me laugh:
“I know, I still feel like I’m house sitting for some rich person who’s going to show up any minute and yell ‘get out!’"

*getoutgetoutgetoutsnickerdork*

[Willowtree252]

Please Cam soon my friend

[Axel_Avalon]

Dude, how late am I? I've been away from the board for WAY too long. I'm loving the angst. Your writing is so vivid and descriptive without being boring and going into every last detail.

I concocted ridiculously detailed fantasies about Tara walking in one night and…well, it varied…usually depending on whether or not Benjamin was out of town and I had the house to myself. He was gone quite a bit; I went through a lot of batteries.

That cracked me up. I'm soo waiting for an update.

[tarawhipped]

I know I initially said this would be a 3 or 4-parter, but now it’s looking like 6, if not 7. Part 4 is up next, but first, replies to part 3…

imjustme:

She held out her hand? not for a handshake i hope

Uhh…’fraid so. Keep in mind, though, it’s not just an ex issue…it’s an ‘ex who’s now married to a man’ one, so Tara’s a little unsure of how to behave. It also makes for a really awkward moment, no? Heehee. Sorry for the delay, but Willow’s pov is next. Thanks, Andi.[br]
dlline: I’m glad you liked the moment with the stupid name tag, Diane. We had to wear them at my 10 year H.S reunion, even though there were less than 200 people in my class, most of whom had grown up together.[br]

We're back to the palpable discomfort that you paint so well. I hope it gets better soon

Hmm…define ‘better.’ It’ll be ebbing and flowing in this next one, and I’ll let you judge. Thank you.[br]
Dianneswillowtree: Naked snuggles huh? Not gonna happen anytime soon, but I hope a heartfelt hug will suffice. Thanks.[br]
diamondforever:

My emotions were literally bouncing back and forth on the angst scale.

That pretty much sums up Willow in the next chapter, so you’ll be in good company! I’m very glad you’re enjoying this, and thank you.[br]
musicmad10: I’m glad this is all coming across vividly, as description is not one of my strong suits, but it’s kind of important for differentiating between the two voices. Tara always struck me as the more observant of the two, while Willow is often too stuck in her own head, so it seemed fitting to have Tara be the one to describe stuff like the ballroom, decorations, Willow, etc. Sorry for the delay in getting this next part out, but thanks for the feedback, Hannah.[br]
writerfreak: *blushing now* Thanks again, though now I have performance anxiety![br]
sadie:

You actually feel the awkwardness!

Oh goodie! Stay tuned, more to come. Thanks.[br]
Fin: I’m very glad you like it, Fin, and the actual reunion (the party, that is) is next. Thank you.[br]
mole:

I saw this as less of a preparation for a handshake and more of a reaching out toward something fragile, something lost and found again, something that you need to touch in order to believe it's really there. A reconnection, I suppose.

Ooh, I like your take on it. I’d say it’s both, but then, I don’t see a handshake as a bad thing. Ever since you mentioned their magic connection, I’ve been thinking about including it, even in some small way, and as we all know, they first felt that connection through their hands in Hush. Not that inanimate objects are going to start whizzing around the ballroom, of course. That would be silly.[br]
I’m glad you liked the humor. As I’ve said before, I don’t want them to come off as all doom and gloom, and being able to write a more mature, happy Dawn was actually really nice, as well as showing how much they all still care about each other, even if they don’t see each other as often as they’d like. Thank you.[br]
willohand: This was took a bit longer than expected, as it’s not only the party, it’s also a transition of sorts. I appreciate everyone’s patience and comments, though. Thanks.[br]
db:

Communication is hard but, Tara's got a PhD -- can't Tara just *tell* Willow that she doesn't think that Willow is evil? Sheesh. Can't Willow admit that she married for convenience 'cause she would never love again 'cause Tara's the only one for her.

Ummm…no. You’re right, though. Talking is key. And what better place to have a heart-to-heart than in a room filled with music and hundreds of people? Heh heh…there will be booze, though.[br]
witchlove: Thank you Steph, and Willow’s update will pick up a little before Tara’s left off, so there won’t be a lot of Willow’s day in there. I can sum it up, though: wake up, panic, travel travel travel, panic, lunch with Xander, panic, shower, panic freak panic. There, now you’re all ready for the update![br]
Reallybigpineapple: Why thank you, but hey! No mentioning my other neglected stories! I’m glad you like it, despite the set-up. I love the types of stories you mention, but I’m a huge angst-junkie as a reader. As a writer I’m trying not to string it out too much.[br]
JustSkipIt: Thanks, Debra. Initially I was just going to jump right into the reunion, but then I started thinking about all the extraneous things like “where are they staying?” “how long are they here for?” “what are the other Scoobies up to?” and it just snowballed. It was nice to ground Tara a little before she has to go out, and I’ve never enjoyed writing Dawn ‘til now. Willow is arguably the more high strung of the two, so I knew her update would not be as relaxed. The party is up next.[br]
ringwaldoeuvre: Thank you so much, Mary. It’s always great to get feedback from you (not quite as great as an update to Huddled Masses, but close) ‘cause you express yourself so well. The different takes on a simple conversation was so important, even if neither realizes the extent of it. While they had already split up, that was the moment that their connection was severed. I won’t play coy and ask “can they get it back?” since you all know they will, but that’s what the rest of the story will be.[br]
watty:

I was in a headache-induced haze at the weekend, for not figuring out where they lived. I'm such a dimwit sometimes, no wonder you sounded confused.

Oh good, you remembered. I was afraid I’d have to slap you, or you know, get someone actually intimidating to do it for me. [br]
Thank you for pointing out how much Tara still fits in with her Sunnydale family. That’s exactly what I wanted to show. I have friends I only see very rarely, due to distance, but when we get together it’s like no time has passed. Thus Tara and Willow focusing on their “different lives/personalities/etc.” is partly a delusion based on geography. Not that there won’t be awkwardness and self-doubt, and even spazziness, but there will also be familiarity and comfort, and love.[br]

Interesting that Slayer powers only last till 35, but sense of responsibility never dies. That's a useful snippet to build another (albeit Buffycentric) fic on, don't you think?

Sure…go ahead and write it. I don’t know why I put that in there, except that I liked the thought they were all leading more “normal” lives, and of course, Tara thinking about how hard it was for Buffy to give up something that was such a big part of her life was not really about Buffy at all. You got that, right? I wouldn’t want to be accused of subtlety. Thanks, watty.[br]
EasierSaid: Thank you, Heather. I’m going to stick with the POV-switching each chapter, and am really glad I started with Tara, since she got the more relaxed lead-in, and Willow (now with even more High Strung action!) gets the big event. As for Buffy, I think people will be alternately cheering and cursing her after the next part, but she’s been privy to both sides of this drama for years and knows what they both need and want (hint: it’s the same thing). She’s not going to break anyone’s confidence, but she’s very convenient for alleviating nerves and fears (Buffy the Inner Demon Slayer? Hmm).[br]
I like your comments about their perspectives on each other, though for all Willow knows Tara could be married too (I like to think that by 2018 same-sex marriage will be nationwide) or a nun…other than the fact that she wrote a book, Willow don’t no jack. So while Tara is focusing on Willow-now, who she thinks she won’t know at all, Willow is focusing on Tara-then, who left her and presumably went on with her life. Jeez, what a mess, huh? I sure hope it works out for those crazy kids![br]
Alcy: Wow, thanks for the praise, Alcy. I say “right back atcha,” since What’s Your Tale, Nightingale? and Sin City couldn’t be more different in setting and tone, but both are amazing pieces of work.[br]

How painful this is for our two girls, after 15 years they're still not over each other (I tend to think that 2 months is an awfully long time to get over someone).

Yeah, I don’t know why I did 15 instead of 10, which would have been a perfectly acceptable level of angst. It took me two years to get over my first love, who nothing even happened with, so I guess that was my frame of reference. Maybe I’m just slow. Part 4 coming up, and thanks.[br]
Safuega:

So sorry, I did not know I had evil secret powers.

That’s okay…admitting these things is the first step in overcoming them. Or using them to take over the world. Whichever.[br]
Once again your analysis is spot on. I always assume that people who use the word ‘closure’ don’t actually have any, and probably want just the opposite, so that was my lil joke to myself.[br]

with Willow catching the frown and most likely interpreting as a sign that even after all these years Tara has not forgiven her and would rather eat nails than spend even a couple of hours with her.

That’s it in a nutshell.[br]
Willow does indeed still live in Boston, since in part 2 Buffy offered to fly out there and drag Willow onto a plane if necessary. That will come into play at some point, but not yet. As for the handshake, I’ll direct you to my replies to mole. *points up* I didn’t realize it would be so controversial. I originally had Tara holding up her hand to high-five Willow, but thought that would be weird. Hmm.[br]

Looking forward to more pain and suffering with no hope of any relief in the near future.

Okay, since you asked so nicely. Thank you![br]
JujuDeRoussie:

I don't know exactly what word can explain what i feel...

Hey, as long as it’s not ‘bored’ or ‘disappointed’ or ‘sick of this stupid story’…okay, that’s 5 words…I’m happy. Thanks Julia.[br]
Emms: Thank you so much, Emmy. I really liked writing this Dawn, and giving her the normal nuclear family that she never had. I wanted to show how much they all still care for each other and do get along despite living so far away, which will be expanded somewhat (to include Willow) at Xander and Anya’s BBQ.[br]

I wonder if they'll get on with each other or if there will be tension between them when they talk for the first time

Heehee, I was tired when I first read this and missed the ‘with’ and was very shocked at you! Though after I reread it and realized my mistake, I wasn’t at all shocked at me. Huh. There will be tension, but it’ll all be better eventually.[br]
cantbefredless: I hope you haven’t been dancing in circles for the past 2+ weeks. Sorry for the delay, and thanks.[br]
sacinema: Thank you so much. It’s always great to get props on the style, and especially on the first person POV, ‘cause I’m not a fan of it, either. It’s just how it started coming out, and seemed appropriate for the amount of time spent on each of their feelings. I could never keep it up for a long story, but for a limited time I’m okay, and am glad it’s working so far.[br]
I loved your synopsis of Buffy and her role here. She’s fully aware of both sides, and knows that if Willow and Tara will just stop being idiots and spend some time together, they can get with the big gay love before they’re both too old to enjoy it. I can’t have her come right out and smack them and tell them they both love each other, but she can certainly prod them along. Glad you’re enjoying it, and more is on the way.[br]
Missocki: Even Willow knows she still wants the “kickass wiccan woman,” but she’s under the assumption that it isn’t an option and hasn’t been for a loooong time. Thanks for writing.[br]
Tujeky:

And this from Dawn, not pivotal to the story, and perhaps accidental (?), made me laugh:
“I know, I still feel like I’m house sitting for some rich person who’s going to show up any minute and yell ‘get out!’"

Oh no, not accidental, though definitely not pivotal either. Just me having fun. The meeting is up next. Thank you.[br]
Axel Avalon: So good to see you back, Axel, and I’m glad you liked Willow’s admission that she’s pretty frequently naughty. Seeing this back at the top of the page got me off my butt to finish part 4, which is coming right up. Thanks![br][br][br]

[tarawhipped]

Reunion
by Tarawhipped
Rated R
Feedback: Please!
Distribution: Different Colored Pens & Mystic Muse. All others please ask first.
Disclaimer: All things Buffy are the sole property of Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy
Summary: See part one.[br][br][br]
Willow[br][br]
I managed to make it to the bathroom just in time to lose the entire lunch Xander had bought me. Ugh. And I thought hot peppers burned going down. I brushed my teeth, gargled, rushed back to the toilet, lost the remains of my airplane breakfast, brushed, and gargled again. I avoided looking in the mirror, ‘cause I knew I’d look paler than a vampire. For about the hundredth time since arriving, I thought about bolting for the airport and getting back on a plane. Except Buffy had already warned me that if I wasn’t downstairs by 7:30, she was going to come up and drag me down by my nostrils, and I’m not entirely sure she was joking.[br]
That only gave me ten minutes to get dressed, and the continued queasiness actually helped there. No way was I wearing a dress…if I had to sprint to the bathroom to barf again, I was not going to do it in heels. I pulled on my least wrinkled pants and buttoned my shirt, the latter task more difficult than necessary due to my shaking hands. I grabbed my jacket, ran a lint brush over myself as well as I could, and left the suite. I thought about waiting for Buffy to come get me, but that would be silly, and besides, she was right; I needed to do this on my own.[br]
The elevator came much sooner than I expected, which I put down to Murphy’s Law, and as each floor passed with an annoyingly chipper ‘ding,’ my nervousness increased. I knew by now she was coming. Over lunch Xander had mentioned a barbeque with the whole gang, plus extras, and the ‘extras’ part had started the current round of tummy-rumblings that showed no sign of ending anytime soon. Did she have a girlfriend? I mean, logically, I sort of figured she would. What kind of dummy would let a catch like that slip away? Oh right, this dummy. Of course she’d have a girlfriend. But it was one thing to hypothesize said girlfriend, another thing entirely to have it proven fact. I’d only barely prepared myself mentally for seeing her…but her with someone else…that was not a variable for which I’d allowed.[br]
The doors opened at the lobby, and I stepped out into the crowd flocking toward the check-in table. They found my badge after a brief delay due to a misspelling, and I crossed out the ‘farb’ and wrote ‘berg’ above it, adding a smiley face for good measure. I felt too sick to my stomach to smile, but at least my nametag could look friendly. There was a bottleneck of people entering the ballroom around me, and I merged with the group through the doors, after which it diverged into subsets of twos and threes, allowing me to see the room.[br]
‘Jeez, welcome to the prom or what?’ I thought, wondering how much of the $250 dollars I’d sent in had gone toward paper streamers. There were so many people it was hard to focus on individuals. I hoped that if I stood in the doorway long enough, Buffy would see me and come to my rescue. I tried massaging the shake out of my hands, with little success, and to my dismay they’d also started sweating profusely. I wiped them on my pants and stuck them in my pockets.[br]
Looking out over the roomful of faces, I could barely concentrate on any. The crowd was a swirling mass of laughter and smiles and dancing, and I felt unreasonably irritated by the celebratory mood in the air. I turned away from it, and then she was just there, eighteen and a half feet away.[br]
I almost didn’t recognize her, but I blamed it on the dress. I’d never seen her wear anything so…daring…not in public, anyway. It seemed as though the only thing holding it up was the ‘Hello, my name is’ sticker over her left boob. My head felt spinny and I hoped I wasn’t about to pass out, but the feeling dissipated when I looked up and saw her expression.[br]
Did she think I wouldn’t be here? Did she still despise me so much that my mere presence gave her frowny feelings? I felt completely deflated and turned away to leave, but before I could move, Buffy crossed the distance and grabbed my arm.[br]
“Whoa, Will, where do you think you’re going?”[br]
“This was a mistake, Buffy. I never should have come.”[br]
“You’ve been here for all of a minute. Give it a chance.”[br]
“She hates me,” I stated through gritted teeth, willing myself not to start blubbering. I glanced back in her direction, and could see she was still there, staring at me like I was a demon.[br]
“She doesn’t. Will, she’s nervous too, but trust me, she does not hate you.”[br]
“Buffy,” I said, practically pleading, “I can’t do this.”[br]
“You can,” she insisted, squeezing my arm. “Come on, I’ll go with you.”[br]
She steered me back toward the bar, toward her. Even without her Slayer strength Buffy could still kick my ass, and I was too weak from all the vomiting to struggle. I kept my eyes down until we were standing right in front of her, and saw her hand reach out. She said my name, and it was real. We were there, in the same room, and I was most definitely awake. I thought I might collapse, or burst into tears…I wanted to throw myself into her arms, but how completely inappropriate would that be?[br]
I took a deep breath and looked up and…God, she was more beautiful than I remembered. Her eyes were soft, and warm, and full of concern…not even the slightest bit reproachful. Her hair was still long, though she wore it up, and she’d stopped dyeing it. At least, I assumed the golden brown was her original color. I’d never actually seen it. Well, not on her head, anyway. And that line of thinking was really not helpful, though at least it brought some color back to my face. Buffy nudged me with her elbow, and I realized I’d been standing there staring. My stomach felt queasy again and blood pounded in my temples, but I forced myself to smile, and reached out my own hand; shaky, sweaty palm be damned.[br]
And then we were touching…and okay, so it wasn’t the kind of touching that I’d been imagining for all these years, but she’d already set the boundaries by offering her hand, and it was a start, right? The moment our fingers touched I felt a jolt of electricity pulse through me, and I didn’t know whether to be relieved or concerned to see her suck in a sharp breath. I couldn’t believe the connection, after all this time. Before I could jerk my arm back, her hand closed firmly around mine. In the all too brief seconds before she let go, so many emotions flashed through my head I couldn’t tell if they were coming from me or from her. Uncertainty, anger, contentment, regret, love, fear. I finally settled on relief, and the tension that had been building over the last few weeks subsided. This moment I’d been dreading for so long had finally happened, and I didn’t run away, and the world didn’t end, and I didn’t yak up on her shoes. Yay me. Maybe I’d get through the evening.[br]
“It’s good to see you,” she said with obvious sincerity.[br]
Crap. I forgot about the talking thing, though just the sound of her voice made my brain begin to form all sorts of atrociously bad poetic similes that are better left unsaid.[br]
“You too.” Okay, that went well. She smiled…encouraging me to go on? Okay. “You look nice.”[br]
“Thanks, you too.”[br]
This is a nightmare. And where the hell did Buffy go?[br]
“Are you enjoying the party?” I asked, hoping she’d figure out a way to string more than five words together, since I obviously could not.[br]
“Yeah, it’s um, bigger than I expected, more people,” she observed, and I nodded in agreement. “We actually just got here.”[br]
“We?” I winced at the sound of my voice, not to mention the question. Jealous much?[br]
“Me and Buffy?” she answered quizzically, looking confused.[br]
“You didn’t bring your…you didn’t bring anyone?” Subtle, Rosenberg.[br]
“My, um…what? Was I supposed to bring someone?”[br]
“No! I mean, no, I don’t think it’s required, or at least I hope not, since you know, I didn’t either. I just assumed you’d have brought a uh, you know, if you have—not that it’s any of my business whether you do or not—but if you did, this is the kind of occasion that, for instance, you might have brought a, uh…” God, just shut up already![br]
“Girlfriend?”[br]
Did she just smirk? I think there was most definitely smirkage there. What the frilly heck does that mean?[br]
“Yes?”[br]
She dropped her eyes, and when she looked back up at me there was something there…a sadness? I used to feel like I could read everything in her eyes, could know just what she was thinking, but now…I could barely communicate with her.[br]
“I’m not seeing anyone right now.”[br]
“Oh. Well, that’s…I mean…yeah…me neither.” If this gets any more awkward I’m going to strangle myself with streamers.[br]
She looked at me like I’d grown a second head, which, considering we were in Sunnydale was a possibility, though I like to think I would have been the first to notice.[br]
“I um, I heard you’d gotten m-married,” she said, averting her eyes and taking a sip of her wine.[br]
Shit. I guess Buffy really had told her. Not that I’d ever told her not to—just the opposite, in fact—but it had never felt so wrong before.[br]
“I did. I mean, I am. He’s not here,” I added quickly.[br]
“That’s great…I mean…it’s great for you,” she mumbled, still not looking at me. “Any kids?”[br]
I was thankful that I hadn’t gotten a drink yet, as I would have spit it all over her at that question. Clearly she hadn’t gotten the full memo on my ‘marriage.’ But what could I say? ‘No, we don’t have any rugrats ‘cause we don’t even sleep-sleep together, much less the naked kind of sleeping together, and adopting a tax break into our business arrangement didn’t seem fiscally viable considering the inherent cost outlay.’ Or there was always the truthful ‘I only married him ‘cause you broke my heart when you moved on, and I’d given up hope.’ But how pathetic would that sound?[br]
“No, no kids. I’ve been really focused on my career, and he’s away a lot.” Okay, that was all true, but still. Coward. “You?”[br]
“I’ve fostered several—short-term, at-risk kids. It’s been a while, though. It’s hard…letting them go, you know?”[br]
I nodded, knowing exactly how hard it was to let go of someone you loved…even if that’s not exactly what she meant. A waiter passed by with a tray of hors d’oeuvres and I snatched a handful, shoving a stuffed mushroom into my mouth as I tried to think of something to say. I swallowed.[br]
“You never wanted to keep one?” No! Bad, loaded question![br]
“I did, but…I always thought, if I did, that I’d be raising them with…someone.”[br]
She smiled slightly then, looking sheepishly at me, and I couldn’t help but remember the summer after Buffy had died. As trying as it had been—keeping Sunnydale safe and ignorant of the Slayer’s absence—there had been moments of levity. Tara had taken weeks to recover from the physical and emotional wounds inflicted by Glory, and Dawn had been less than supportive. After one particularly bad episode of teen petulance, complete with shouts of “you’re not my mother!” followed by stomping off and door slamming, Tara had turned to me and said “I know we talked about adopting a baby someday, but this really isn’t what I had in mind.” Neither of us had laughed so hard in months, and it was the moment that I knew that whatever happened, we’d be okay.[br]
Of course, we hadn’t been. I’d gone and decided I had to ‘fix’ everything, and manipulated the others into agreeing with me. God I was an idiot…a big, blind, selfish idiot. All these years I’d been wallowing in how much I had lost due to my bad decision making, and it had never once occurred to me to wonder what she might have given up.[br]
“I’m sorry.”[br]
I didn’t even realize I’d spoken, and could barely recognize my own voice, my throat was so raw. It took me a second to realize she was all blurry ‘cause I was crying, and the next thing I knew, she was moving towards me. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders, and I could feel the stem of her wine glass pressing against my back, but all I could think was ‘she smells so good.’ The shock of feeling her against me stopped my crying jag cold, but I was afraid to move for fear of losing this moment.[br]
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” she whispered, her breath tickling my ear in a way that made my whole body shudder.[br]
She must have mistaken it for a sob, as she shushed me and stroked my hair. It was so familiar, and intoxicating, and I knew I had to step back before I did something stupid. She was simply comforting an old friend…nothing more…and I was taking way too much pleasure in it. I straightened a little and cleared my throat, and she slowly withdrew her arms. She looked worried—for me or the hug, I don’t know—but I smiled and she returned it.[br]
“Why are you two still standing in the doorway?”[br]
I shot a death-glare at Buffy, but if she noticed, she chose to ignore it. She grabbed us both by an arm and steered us towards the bar.[br]
“Come on, I need a refill. I’ve already run into three guys I dated, and only two of them are fat and or balding. I think the third one might be gay. You remember Kevin, right?”[br]
I rolled my eyes and let myself to be dragged along. Buffy continued to chatter on about the DJ, who was apparently very studly even if he was jailbait. I was in mid-roll when I caught Tara’s eyes over Buffy’s head. The left corner of her mouth curled up in a familiar grin, and for the first time all day, the fluttering in my stomach was of the non-pukey variety.[br][br][br][br]
We’d barely gotten our drinks when the aforementioned Studly took over from the orchestra, making conversation all but impossible. Buffy took up residence on the dance floor—within clear eyeshot of the DJ booth—as a non-stop barrage of music I hadn’t heard since graduation had people who had neither tripped nor hopped in years boogieing like teenagers. I had a brief, unpleasantly familiar image of the band candy incident at the Bronze flash through my head, and took a healthy sip of wine. Buffy had given up on us dancing with her after several turns each of half-heartedly shuffling along.[br]
Tara and I sat at one of the tables, occasionally shouting over the noise as one or the other of us spied an old classmate, or noticed someone trying in vain to pretend they were still twenty. Mostly we just sat there, a respectable but not unfriendly distance apart, a not too terribly awkward air between us. We both picked at the appetizers we’d accumulated and more than once when I snuck a glance at her, she was doing the same.[br]
Just as I was contemplating the idea of asking her if she wanted to go to the nice, quiet lobby to talk, the first notes of “Believe” blasted through the speakers, and Buffy all but sprinted off the floor to join us. Nice to know her timing hasn’t changed…or her aversion to the divas.[br]
“Just when I thought I’d stricken this song from my memory! Who needs a refill?”[br]
Tara demurred, as she’d already decided she would be driving home, but I handed over my glass and excused myself to go to the ladies’ room. I hadn’t noticed how badly my ears were ringing until the ballroom doors shut behind me, but the minute the noise was gone, my head started pounding. I crossed the lobby and was halfway to the door when it swung open and a familiar-looking woman walked out. She looked at me as though trying to place me too, and we both seemed to realize at the same moment. I stopped and looked around for a plant to hide behind, but she just smiled and kept approaching.[br]
“Hi…Willow, right?”[br]
“Yeah. Hi Leslie.” I hoped her ears were also ringing too loudly to hear my teeth grinding.[br]
“I thought I saw Tara earlier. I’m glad you two are still together.”[br]
“What? I mean we’re not…we’re sitting together, but we’re not together-together.” And thanks for throwing it in my face, you girlfriend-stealing—[br]
“I’m sorry, I just assumed. We lost touch after graduation, and since we’d stopped dating because of her feelings for you, I—”[br]
“Her—what are you talking about?”[br]
“Tara broke up with me because she was still in love with you,” she stated matter-of-factly, and I knew I hadn’t drunk enough for my head to feel so woozy. “She wanted to get back together with you…and she never told you any of this, did she?”[br]
“No,” I whispered, feeling all the air rush out of my lungs.[br]
“God, I am so sorry,” she cringed, and I might have actually felt bad for her embarrassment if I wasn’t so completely thrown by the admission. “Are you alright?”[br]
“Fine,” I answered automatically, “I’m just going to—” I gestured vaguely toward the rest room and walked past her, my mind reeling. Tara had wanted to get back together? When? Why had she never said anything?[br]
Duh, I mentally smacked myself. Maybe because you completely shut her out of your life and refused to even hear about her. Buffy’s voice echoed in my head. From the night before my wedding: “she’d want to know,” “she hasn’t moved on.” From earlier this evening: “she doesn’t hate you; she’s nervous too.”[br]
Could she still…no, that’s narcissistic and ridiculous and impossible…right? Just because I’ve never stopped loving her doesn’t mean she feels the same way. Just because she wanted to get back together fifteen years ago doesn’t mean she still wants to. After all, we’re different people now.[br]
I splashed cold water on my face and looked at my reflection in the mirror. All the years spent in classrooms and labs, out of the sun, have kept even the beginning of wrinkles at bay. My hair’s just starting to be peppered with barely noticeable patches of grey. I feel like I should look older. I’ve changed so much…haven’t I? And if I haven’t, then…has she?[br]
When I walked back into the party, the music had shifted. I recognized the opening bars immediately, though I hadn’t heard it in years. It wasn’t ‘our song’ in the first time meaningful sense, but after Tara’s birthday, it had found its way into our bedroom CD player rotation. She was still sitting at the table, absorbed in conversation with Buffy, but as I watched her profile I saw cock her head as she noticed the tune. From across the room I could see the smile spread across her face, and then she was turning in her chair, her eyes raking over the crowd until they met mine. I held my breath and waited to see what she would do. She leaned over to say something to Buffy, who grinned and nodded.[br]
And then she was on her feet, walking toward me. By the time she’d crossed the room, she was no longer smiling, and I recognized the look on her face. It was the same one she’d worn the night she’d come out to me; the same as the day she’d offered me the doll’s eye crystal; the one when she’d first told me she loved me. After all this time…after everything I did, and didn’t do…how can she still? And how can I possibly deserve her?[br]
“We thought we’d lost you,” she said.[br]
Never. I lost you. I didn’t trust my voice yet, so I forced a shaky smile and shook my head.[br]
“Do you w-want to dance?”[br]
I don’t think I’d ever wanted anything so badly in my life, but my head was pounding with too many questions and I knew that if I held her in my arms right now and had to let her go again, I couldn’t survive. And maybe that’s hyperbole, but whatever the hell’s made it possible for me to live without her for all these years has disintegrated to practically nothing, and I knew I was almost to the point of being incapable of rational thought. Before I’d talked to Leslie, I would have assumed it was nothing more than a friendly dance for old times’ sake, but now…I needed to think it through.[br]
There were too many things to figure out. First and foremost, was it really possible that even after fifteen years she was still interested? She knew about Benjamin, but did she know how not an issue that was? And sure, she’d said she wasn’t seeing anyone right now, but that didn’t mean she’d been waiting around for me. I wanted so much to believe it was possible, and that I wasn’t about to throw away my one opportunity. I couldn’t allow myself false hope before we could sit down and talk, and this was not the time or place for that conversation. If there was even the tiniest fraction of a chance, then it would still be there tomorrow.[br]
“Actually, I’ve got a bit of a headache,” I said as apologetically as I could. When she predictably lowered her head and crossed her arms over her chest, I reached out and cupped her elbows, holding on loosely until she looked back up at me. “I’ll see you at Xander’s tomorrow?”[br]
She nodded, but I could see her disappointment…and it only added to my resolve.[br]
“I’m going to try and get some sleep, but I’d really like to talk…tomorrow, you know, without the music and four hundred people.”[br]
She nodded again, smiling at last, and I turned to leave but she caught my hand.[br]
“Willow…I’m glad you came.”[br]
I squeezed her hand and smiled.[br]
“Me too.”[br][br][br]
TBC[br][br]

[Willowtree252]

I know what it is like to wish the floor would open up and you just get swallowed up but that never seams to happen so Willow is going to face the music one way or another miscomunication is killer so thay need to get this out in the open and well rid themself of all the deep pain. I feel for them both T W the update is a vital piece in the puzzle my friend take as many chap..... as you need it is so worth it my friend

[teenwillow]

im loving this story, its a great idea, cant wait to read more and see what happens, update soon. i want smoochies!!!!

[tazraven]

I dunno whether to cry or smile. Willow's grief is so palpable, but then you gave us that little glimmer of hope. I just hope that they can work past the years of misunderstandings and pent-up emotions. Willow needs to explain her sham of a marriage. I know once that happens, their issues will be so much easier to work through. Darn it. I know it's gonna end up happy, but the journey is so darn angsty. *Checks in the mirror to make sure I didn't pull too much hair out* Eagerly awaiting the next update.

~Sara

[JustSkipIt]

Cam - Just today I was thinking that I thought this was going to be quick but that it had been a while since the last update. You must have heard me. This update is just so chock full of Willowness. I mean she's babbling in her head and I can virtually feel the clammy hands, naseau (sp). She's just such wreck. You know? Tara seems much more together in her updates than Willow does in this one. I like that they seem to have a real connection and certainly Leslie spilling the beans was wonderful. I'll be interested to see them talk and maybe lower a few walls. You know?

Great.

[db]

Bravo!

Really. Truely.

This was... wow. Willow’s perspective was really rough. That girl sure does know how to work herself into a freakshow of stress… she is still so delightfully spaz-o-licious!

Your characterization of Willow-y-ness was so perfectly spot-on. I just, wow. I couldn’t believe how caught up in her emotions I felt… talk about tense!

Bless you for throwing in some awesome giggle-inducing one-liners that made me laugh out loud:

I’d never seen her wear anything so…daring…not in public, anyway. It seemed as though the only thing holding it up was the ‘Hello, my name is’ sticker over her left boob.

Her hair was still long, though she wore it up, and she’d stopped dyeing it. At least, I assumed the golden brown was her original color. I’d never actually seen it. Well, not on her head, anyway.

This moment I’d been dreading for so long had finally happened, and I didn’t run away, and the world didn’t end, and I didn’t yak up on her shoes.

They did a great job of breaking the *extreme* tension! I think *I* might’ve tossed my cookies from the stress if you hadn’t been so frickin’ witty!

Oy – and Leslie! In the Bathroom. Thank god for Leslie is what I have to say… she just up and spilled the beans (which, thank goodness *someone* finally did). I guess it was a lot to process for poor Willow, but still, I wish Willow had accepted Tara’s offer to dance – I can only imagine how Tara felt being turned down.

Everything is so precarious, and ripe for misunderstanding. I hope Tara was able to read Willow better than Willow could read Tara. I’d hate Tara to be embarrassed or feel like Willow thought it was inappropriate or whatever. Theirs is a tangled web of misunderstandings and heartache.

I also want to mention that when you described Tara walking toward Willow on the way to ask Willow to dance… it was beautiful.

And then she was on her feet, walking toward me. By the time she’d crossed the room, she was no longer smiling, and I recognized the look on her face. It was the same one she’d worn the night she’d come out to me; the same as the day she’d offered me the doll’s eye crystal; the one when she’d first told me she loved me. After all this time…after everything I did, and didn’t do…how can she still? And how can I possibly deserve her?

All these defining moments between them captured in a look – and you therw in a glimmer of hope… thank the goddess for the glimmer.

Please don’t torture me waiting for the next update! I can't wait to read Tara's perspective and see what happens at Xander's shindig.


Like I said. Wow.

db

[cantbefredless]

I dont know either if i should Cry or smile too.. wow.. just wow! i want more! more please?

[Axel_Avalon]

That was intense. Poor Willow, her emotions are all over the place. Her sadness is so real as well as her shock at actually being in the same place and interacting with Tara.

Also I wanted to mention how much I love the way the story's being told from both of their points of view. I love William Faulkner and this story, in a way, reminds me of some of his work. (I mean that as a compliment. It's been brought to my attention that not eveyone appreciates Faulkner's work the way I do lol.)

[dlline]

Wow, Cam, that was a lot to take in. It was great, but a lot.

I am filled with hope, but you didn't make that easy. To be so nervous that actual puking is going on. Wow. I do totally get why Willow is so scared, and you did make me feel much better with the interaction with Leslie in the ladies room. I have, as I'm sure a lot of us have, wanted something so badly that we just wouldn't allow for the possibility that we could actually have that object of our desire. But now, Willow has hope. Tenuous though it may be, it is hope nonetheless.

Everyone else has pretty much broken down everything that I noticed about the update, so I won't repeat it here. Suffice it to say, this is a great premise for a story, and everyone's emotions are palpable. I love it. Keep up the good work.

Diane

[kisstheviolets]

I held off on reading any fics while I was studying for the bar and the payoff was having this gem waiting for me!

Oh Cam, this is wonderful and by wonderful I mean heart wrenching, stomach-turning, angsty goodness. But there's hope! And hand squeezing! And upcoming BBQs! Oh, I'm just too excited (and a little emotionally exhausted from the rollercoaster you had these girls on). I always enjoy your fics so much and am so glad you're sharing this with us. Thanks! I can't wait for the next installment.

[mole]

Wow...what a wonderful update. I loved it all - Willow's babbling, Tara's apparent strength laced with old insecurities, Buffy's lousy timing.

Such wonderful characterizations and visceral emotions.

So, we're going to get the BBQ from Tara's perspective? Yippee!

Looking forward to more.

[Emms]

I could live in this story--that was the first thought that entered my mind as a finished reading this chapter. I could live in this story. Everything--the way you write--everything is just so real. I was nervous for them the entire time; When Willow was puking, when she got in the elevator, when she crossed out "farb" and added "berg", when she drew the little smiley face...just everything... The way you wrote it, I could just feel the nervousness in the room...it was thick enough to cut.

There is still something there between them...it's so painfully obvious and I was so hurt and sad and disappointed when Willow declined Tara's offer to dance... but I understood why she did it--she was afraid of losing control, of putting herself out there and being rejected... poor Willow...

There is so much I could say about this chapter, Cam... but my heart is still in my throat, so I'll end this for now. Thank you for writing this. I absolutely love it.

xoxo
Emms

[Reallybigpineapple]

Excellent story, as is always the case with your writings. Instead of the hysterical overdone soap opera intrigue that sometimes hides behind the term "angst" this is very believable and very real.
A jolly good read! Thank you for entertaining us.
Martina

[sadie]

Aw that was an awesome update! The emotions... weeww!!

I'm glad Willow is so...wise? about this. Careful maybe. Although a dance would've been nice, chances are she'd feel worse after letting her go again (like she said). So I think it's good, and one on one talks without crowds and music are always better!


Thanks for the update, it's amazing

[Safuega]

Cam,

What the....? Where is the never ending pain and suffering you solemnly promised to deliver? Why, this latest update looks suspiciously like a resolution to me! And then you go and make it incredibly funny so that not only am I chuckling but I am outright laughing when I'm supposed to be weeping!

Also, you completely mocked me in one of my previous replies when I said that now that they are older they should be able to work things out because they are more mature. And lo and behold in this update you have Willow behaving rationally, and one might even say maturely, as she decides to take time off to think things through before having what sounds to me like a mature talk with Tara at the BBQ. So again, what the....?

Tantrums aside the update was great. I enjoyed it immensely. Thank you very much.

Safuega

[JujuDeRoussie]

Hello!
nice update

I can just hope Tara heard the words spoken by Willow without changing them... Oh and I hope Willow is not gonna think too much during the night, because when she thinks too much the goes wrong in her thought and then nothing would happen!

Tara was very brave to ask for the dance... she must be really disappointed and sad, isn't she? but she and Willow are gonna talk and all at Xander's barbecue please???

Thank you

Julia

[DaddyCatALSO]

I sympathize with Willow 's being afraid of exploding (and, given they'll bee seeing each other the next day, turning down the dance) as I can remember a couple times when "someone I hoped would be there" walked into a dance and I'm totally serious saying my heartbeat would suddenly race to the point where I would almost collapse. . So I can see the dance being just too much in that sense. But there's progress in the important arena of Willow 's own head.

[writerfreak]

Performance anxiety???!!!!???? You shouldn't have any, my goddess you are beyond great. Every single time you update it just gets better and better. Wow you amaze me.

writerfreak

[ringwaldoeuvre]

Golly, Willow sure is a spaz. I mean, really. And you see, the thing about the shifting first-person perspective is that you' ve left us totally anxious to see what Tara thought about the developments. Crafty, albeit frustrating, strategem, Cam. It seems like Willow is desperate and hopeful, and Tara will be reticent and withdrawn, and things will go very, very slowly once we get to Tara's side of things.

That said, wow, Willow is a little crazy, yes? She's so eager, which can be so ambiguous, considering the time that has passed. Still, it makes this reader looking for more.

And, um, yeah, I plan to update one of my stories, Huddled Masses, for example... eventually. The spirit is willing, the schedule is weak. Saving people's homes and running task forces is harder than it looks, dude. Maybe I'll surprise you all with a story about the fascinating work of local government! It could be a ... hot story... about the... fascinating work of local government?

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I am totally in love with this story! hope to see an update soon

[watty]

Age hasn't dulled Willow's spazziness, or tendency to overthink, overworry and over-everything she does. Everything seems to be conspiring against her doesn't it -- elevator arriving too fast (that's a first), her name mis-spelled, and the puking. Now,

“She hates me,”

and

“You didn’t bring your…you didn’t bring anyone?”

Jumping to conclusion much, Willow? I chuckled when Tara smirked back.

I'm glad it was Leslie who provided Willow with the lightbulb moment, though I can't help feeling Leslie was so helpful she'd been bribed by Buffy or Dawn to say just the right things. Willow squandering dancing (and touching!) goodness? They can dance, and talk later! Oh wait she's right, talk first.

Nice that they're making some progress, let's hope they communicate properly at Xander's. Nice update, Cam.
[br]

[WillowRulez]

Haha, the line about Willow not dating anyone had me rolling on the floor.
Cant wait for the barbecue! Hope they will finally talk about the big elephant in the room.

[witchlove]

more please! need them together ! they are so in love with each other. please help them see the light

[Emms]

Aww... I keep seeing this at the top and thinking there's an update.

please let there be an update soon...

[Alcy]

Hi Cam, I’m a bit late to the party but I’m here nevertheless!
Willow’s train of thought at the start was fun to read, and spot on characterisation wise and I felt my own nervousness grow for her! Fantastic description as Willow and Tara lay eyes on one another and you’ve captured all the thoughts running through their mind to convey the anxiety and outright terror of what such a meeting would feel like.
I like dependable Buffy stepping in to prop Willow up (although I am waiting for her to be killed off!)
The conversation between Willow and Tara was realistic and believable, I liked the fact that they didn’t meet after so many years and immediately know what the other was thinking. They’ve been apart a long time and their conversation reflected the awkwardness that comes from two people finding they no longer know each other. But the old feelings are still there of course!
And while the next chapter looks very promising indeed…I fully agree with Safuega’s comment about ‘never ending pain and suffering’, and I can’t help but think there may be a few hiccups on the road to that happy place where Willow and Tara get back together and spend the rest of their lives making hot gay love.
I can’t wait to find out what you have in store
Cheers
Alcy