Fic Challenge - Jingle Bells, Buffy Smells, Riley Flew Away.

[tommo]

It came upon the midnight clear...that an angel visited me and told me that I had to post a new challenge. Although you know, I had overdosed on Cheetos, so it could just as well have been Deb telling me to 'stop bloody snoring'...



So here it is, the Christmassy Fic Challenge. In these uncertain times we're going through, I thought we might need a bit of a pick-me-up. Or a put-me-down. Or even a hold-me-up-against-the-wall-and-do-unspeakable-things-to-me-with-a-feather...



Ahem.



Kittens, your challenge is clear. All you have to do is rewrite the Christmas Song The Twelve Days of Christmas in Buffy 'stylee'. This can involve characters and/or ideas from the show. But you know, we'd obviously like it with a Willow/Tara twist to it, naturally.



For those of you who are scratching their heads and going 'huh?', here is a source of inspiration. Warning - this site has a truly frightening musical accompaniment. Watch out for the bagpipes, is all I'm saying... *shudder*



Origins of the Twelve Days of Christmas



And the lyrics themselves, just as a reminder:



On the (first) day of christmas

my true love gave to me

A partridge in a pear tree



On the (second) day of christmas

my true love gave to me

Two turtle doves and

A partridge in a pear tree



On the (third) day of christmas

my true love gave to me

Three french hens

Two turtle doves and

A partridge in a pear tree



On the (fourth) day of christmas

my true love gave to me

Four calling birds

Three french hens

Two turtle doves and

A partridge in a pear tree



On the (fifth) day of christmas

my true love gave to me

Five gold rings

Four calling birds

Three french hens

Two turtle doves and

A partridge in a pear tree



On the (sixth) day of christmas

my true love gave to me

Six geese a-laying

Five gold rings

Four calling birds

Three french hens

Two turtle doves and

A partridge in a pear tree



On the (seventh) day of christmas

my true love gave to me

Seven swans a-swimming

Six geese a-laying

Five gold rings

Four calling birds

Three french hens

Two turtle doves and

A partridge in a pear tree



On the (eighth) day of christmas

my true love gave to me

Eight maids a-milking

Seven swans a-swimming

Six geese a-laying

Five gold rings

Four calling birds

Three french hens

Two turtle doves and

A partridge in a pear tree



On the (ninth) day of christmas

my true love gave to me

Nine ladies waiting

Eight maids a-milking

Seven swans a-swimming

Six geese a-laying

Five gold rings

Four calling birds

Three french hens

Two turtle doves and

A partridge in a pear tree



On the (tenth) day of christmas

my true love gave to me

Ten lords a-leaping

Nine ladies waiting

Eight maids a-milking

Seven swans a-swimming

Six geese a-laying

Five gold rings

Four calling birds

Three french hens

Two turtle doves and

A partridge in a pear tree



On the (eleventh) day of christmas

my true love gave to me

Eleven pipers piping

Ten lords a-leaping

Nine ladies waiting

Eight maids a-milking

Seven swans a-swimming

Six geese a-laying

Five gold rings

Four calling birds

Three french hens

Two turtle doves and

A partridge in a pear tree



On the (twelveth) day of christmas

my true love gave to me

Twelve drummers drumming

Eleven pipers piping

Ten lords a-leaping

Nine ladies waiting

Eight maids a-milking

Seven swans a-swimming

Six geese a-laying

Five gold rings

Four calling birds

Three french hens

Two turtle doves and

A partridge in a pear tree.



And there, as they say, you have it. Good luck. And Merry Christmas...HO HO friggin' HO...



------------------



Anyway, here's my effort. I say effort in that it really is naff. But I just wanted to get the ball rolling, so to speak. Where it rolls to I don't really give a crap.



Title:The 12 Wiccan Days of Christmas

Disclaimer: Joss, blah blah, Mutant Enemy, blah blah...I own nothing but a really well developed sense of bitterness...

Rating: Well it's pretty much NC-17, given your understanding of certain metaphors in the show. Ahem.

Props: To Julia. Oh yes. Get the lube out.



***



On the first day of Christmas

My afternoon was free

So I spread right out beneath my Willow tree



On the second day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Two sassy eggs

So I spread right out beneath my Willow tree



On the third day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Three tummy rubbings

Two sassy eggs

And I spread right out beneath my Willow tree



On the fourth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Four Willowhands

Three tummy rubs

Two sassy eggs

And I spread right out beneath my Willow tree



On the fifth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Five flaming o’s

Four Willowhands

Three tummy rubs

Two sassy eggs

And I spread right out beneath my Willow tree



On the sixth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Six crystals humming (at least, I think they were crystals, I mean, they were long and hard…)

Five flaming o’s

Four Willowhands

Three tummy rubs

Two sassy eggs

And I spread my legs for my Willow tree



On the seventh day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Seven singing solos

Six crystals humming

Five flaming o’s

Four Willowhands

Three tummy rubs

Two sassy eggs

And I spread ‘em wide right under Willow tree



On the eighth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Eight floating dances

Seven singing solos

Six crystals humming

Five flaming o’s

Four Willowhands

Three tummy rubs

Two sassy eggs

And I spread my legs for my Willow tree



On the ninth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Nine naughty witch looks

Eight floating dances

Seven singing solos

Six crystals humming

Five flaming o’s

Four Willowhands

Three tummy rubs

Two sassy eggs

And I just spread wide beneath my Willow tree



On the tenth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Ten VampWillow neck slurps

Nine naughty witch looks

Eight floating dances

Seven singing solos

Six crystals humming

Five flaming o’s

Four Willowhands

Three tummy rubs

Two sassy eggs

And I spread out wide beneath my Willow tree



On the eleventh day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Eleven biker outfits (and she made me wear them…)

Ten VampWillow neck slurps

Nine naughty witch looks

Eight floating dances

Seven singing solos

Five flaming o’s

Four Willowhands

Three tummy rubs

Two sassy eggs

And I levitated up to Willow tree



On the twelfth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Twelve tempting smutfics

Eleven biker outfits

Ten VampWillow neck slurps

Nine naughty witch looks

Eight floating dances

Seven singing solos

Six crystals humming

Five flaming o’s

Four Willowhands

Three tummy rubs

Two sassy eggs

And Willow’s head fell in between my knees





Merry bloomin' Christmas.

[Wiccagrrl]

Ok, I'll give it a try... I'll just skip to the last verse.

On the (twelveth) day of christmas

my true love gave to me

Twelve Slayers Slaying

Eleven Watchers Watching

Ten roses floating

Nine Scoobs patroling

Eight vamps a-vamping

Seven O's a-flaming

Six Dawns a-dancing

Five Claddagh Rings...

Four wooden stakes

Three nerdy villains

Two sexy witches and

Miss Kitty climbing a pear tree

[TrueXena]

On the first day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

A vamp slayed with a pear tree



On the second day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Two Bargaining Eps

And a vamp slayed with a pear tree



On the third day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Three After Life's

Two Bargaining Eps

And a vamp slayed with a pear tree



On the fourth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Four Flooded Basements

Three After Life's

Two Bargaining Eps

And a vamp slayed with a pear tree



On the fifth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Five Life Serial Boxes

Four Flooded Basements

Three After Life's

Two Bargaining Eps

And a vamp slayed with a pear tree



On the sixth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Six All The Way's (or do hookers call them 'Round the World's' now?)

Five Life Serial Boxes

Four Flooded Basements

Three After Life's

Two Bargaining Eps

And a vamp slayed with a pear tree



On the seventh day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Seven Musical's, With Feeling

Six All The Way's

Five Life Serial Boxes

Four Flooded Basements

Three After Life's

Two Bargaining Eps

And a vamp slayed with a pear tree



On the eighth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Eight Tabula Rasa's (clean slates are cool to draw pictures on)

Seven Musical's

Six All The Way's

Five Life Serial Boxes

Four Flooded Basements

Three After Life's

Two Bargaining Eps

And a vamp slayed with a pear tree



On the ninth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Nine Smashed up Slayer's

Eight Clean Slates

Seven Musical's

Six All The Way's

Five Life Serial Boxes

Four Flooded Basements

Three After Life's

Two Bargaining Eps

And a vamp slayed with a pear tree



On the tenth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Ten Wrecked Witches

Nine Smashed up Slayer's

Eight Clean Slates

Seven Musical's

Six All The Way's

Five Life Serial Boxes

Four Flooded Basements

Three After Life's

Two Bargaining Eps

And a vamp slayed with a pear tree



On the eleventh day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Eleven Make-up Sex, sex scenes

Ten Wrecked Witches

Nine Smashed up Slayer's

Eight Clean Slates

Seven Musical's

Six All The Way's

Five Life Serial Boxes

Four Flooded Basements

Three After Life's

Two Bargaining Eps

And a vamp slayed with a pear tree



On the twelveth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Twelve Future episodes to follow

Eleven Makeup Sex, sex scenes

Ten Wrecked Witches

Nine Smashed up Slayer's

Eight Clean Slates

Seven Musical's

Six All The Way's

Five Life Serial Boxes

Four Flooded Basements

Three After Life's

Two Bargaining Eps

And a vamp slayed with a pear tree



BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA



Happy Holiday's Kittens!





Ok so I already posted a Twelve Days of Christmas thingy for the challenge. BUT I'm not about to start a whole new thread for this silly little piece of fluff either. So here ya go.....

Twas the night before Buffy and all through our house,

not a creature was stirring, except Amy (who is a rat, but I think of her as a mouse).

Wooden stakes were carved with such care;

cross shaped cookies lay cooling on some ovenware.

The kids were all nestled, all snug in their beds,

musical posters hung on the wall by their heads.

And Mom in her VampWillow leathers and I in my Xandman best,

had just settled down for a peaceful night's rest.

When out in the yard there arose such a sound,

I sprang up from my bed, stumbled over the chair,

and landed at the window with a crashing bound!

And what to my wondering eyes should appear?

But an army of vamps - I drew back in fear!

They filled up my yard ... every cranny and nook,

all with their fangs and raised bumpy head look,

They proceeded to wryly voice their collective disfavor

of my family's Tuesday night romps with the slayer!

I shook in my boots ... I took a step back,

knocked over our "Buffy Lives" snow globes and let out an AAACK!!!

I paused and I focused, then with an arched brow,

smugly thought, "I think I know just what to do now."

"DUST THEM ALL!!!!" I screamed as I ran down the hall,

my family, god love 'em ... they answered my call!

We grabbed our blessed water guns, and our crossbows on slings;

we picked up our crosses and many wooden pointy things.

Through the front door we stormed with our best Buffy Puns,

(not that we can do them as well as she, but we had so much fun).

In no time at all we had 'em defeated,

we herded 'em indoors and had 'em all seated.

Tied 'em up in front of the set... so they couldn't roam far,

then pushed the play button on our VCR.

And after a few eps. they began to clearly see;

they'd been blindly judging both Buffy and my family.

They begged forgiveness and asked if they

could stay for all of Buffy Day!

As we untied them- we said "Of course you can stay!

But you'll have to keep your bumpy heads and fangs at bay!"

And they were heard to exclaim as we turned out the light:

"Happy Tuesday to all, and to all a good Buffy night"

[tyche]

Wrote this really quickly, so apologies if it doesn’t quite scan.

On the first day of Xmas my true love sent to me

One kitten playing naughtily



On the second day of Xmas my true love sent to me

Two candles, extra flamey



On the third day of Xmas my true love sent to me

Three banners pinned up by Riley



On the fourth day of Xmas my true love sent to me

Four balls of sunshine, glinting merrily



On the fifth day of Xmas my true love sent to me

Five trolls conjured accidentally



On the sixth day of Xmas my true love sent to me

Six flaming O spells breathing heavily



On the seventh day of Xmas my true love sent to me

Seven dolls’ eye crystals sparkling prettily



On the eighth day of Xmas my true love sent to me

Eight relatives sent running quickly



On the ninth day of Xmas my true love sent to me

Nine WillowBots spanking happily



On the tenth day of Xmas my true love sent to me

Ten Taras smiling happily



On the eleventh day of Xmas my true love sent to me

Eleven Gileses grinning flusteredly



On the twelfth day of Xmas my true love sent to me

All of us beneath our Willow tree





11 Gileses grining

10 Taras smiling

9 Willowbots spanking

8 relatives running

7 crystals sparkling

6 Flaming O spells

5 conjured trolls

4 balls of sunshine

3 Riley banners

2 flamey candles

.. and a kitten playing naughtily

[tommo]

I couldn't help it. I'm feeling festive. Or something. Anyway, I like Christmas Carols and I only wish I could sing this one...heh. Naturally.



O Come, Lesbo Street Cred



O come, Lesbo Street Cred, come and touch my crystals,

Oh come ye, O come ye to Sunnydale;

Come and stake vampires, watch the naughty witches;

O come, let’s do a spell; o come let’s do a spell; o come let’s do a spell and float more than pencils.



LevitatingTara, spread for Willow tree

Lo, she abhors not the Willowhand;

very good, not magically created:

O come, let’s do a spell; o come let’s do a spell; o come let’s spell and go downtown…



Sing, Tara girl, sing in ecstasy,

sing, all ye citizens of Sunnydale;

Glory is gone: Tara’s got her brain back

O come, let’s do a spell; o come let’s do a spell; o come let’s do a spell, and make a flaming o.



See how the Scoobies summoned to Giles’ shop,

wonder when Tara’s going to be on top;

we too will thither lend our joyful fanfic;

O come, let’s do a spell; o come let’s do a spell; o come let’s do a spell and hit top ‘C’.



Yea, Joss, we greet thee, please don’t give us angst;

Rebecca, to thee be glory given;

word of the Joss-man, nude lesbo flesh appearing:

O come, let’s do a spell, o come let’s do a spell, o come let’s do a spell and write more smut.

[GiftofAmber]

On the first night of Buffy,

My Willow gave to me:



A spell to de-rat Amy,

Two Buffy bots,

Three Troll Gods,

Four scanned demons,

"Spike's washboard abs",

Six Hacked Computers

Seven Bedtime Stories

Eight Urns off Ebay

Nine Floating Tara's

Ten Broadway nightmares

Eleven Computer Subs

Twelve "Hello, Gay now"s.



Ok, I had way too much fun with this.

[GridMonkey]

Here's my contibution, but I chose a different song:



Joss rest ye merry, Sunnydale

But only during day

For Buff our nightly savior with Spike is getting laid

To save the town perhaps a witch could cast a spell-oh wait

They're busy with Willowhand which makes Tara sing

So busy that they can't do a thing

[Dub]

Dubs Festive Advent Challenge – Day 17

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My relatives gave to me
Twelve empty bottles
Eleven scathing comments
Ten full bin bags
Nine queried choices
Eight re-gifted tat
Seven police callouts
Six looks of judgement
Five argue-ments
Four Cheeseboard crumbs
Three odd socks
Two headaches and
A breakdown of my sanity.

Challenge aside, every entrant in this challenge is a winner, each has a good bit of Buffy flare to a tune we all know and who doesn’t like hearing a tune and associating it with your own lyrics. While I’m sure many will want the twelfth day of tommo’s Christmas, I’m sticking with TrueXena, it’s the rewrite of series six gift wrapped in a Christmas melody.