The Questions and (un)-Answers game

[FineyMcFine]

A: Love didn't pay the mortgage on time and the bank foreclosed.

Q: When is a spade not a spade?

[umgaynow]

A: When it's a peanutbutter and tunafish sandwich

Q: Why do fools fall in love?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: Because she lost the key.

Q: How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

[Leafsdude]

A: All the wood that he ate earlier that day.

Q: Why does the government need all that money, anyway?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: I'd tell ya, but then I'd have Bush's cronies after me. And I don't want that.

Q: Will I get through this week without wanting to kill anyone?

[Patches]

A: Apply this formula—Stress: the confusion created when one’s mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the life out of some idiot who desperately deserves it. In all probability: No.

Q: If two people in the same room, at the same time say, “I’m surrounded by idiots,” do the identical thoughts cancel one another out, and thus there are no idiots in the room; or are they all idiots, including the ones who had the thought in the first place, since two people have said, they’re surrounded by idiots?

[dark_chylde]

A: each of the two people is probably sitting in the middle of a circle of different idiots, so none of them is touching the surroundings of the other. therefore, both are surrouned of idiots, without implicating each other, and one of them is obviously me as I am surrounded by idiots - at least today all of the present collegues in this room behave like it

Q: Why can't I be paid for having to answer more than stupid questions all day ? ( I would be sooo rich already.....)

[LtSticks]

A: Because if you did get paid the boogeymen would come after you for every cent

Q: How do they put the jelly in a jelly donut?

(I'm eating one right now, half choking from laughing at the old answers, you all killed me Kitties!)

~Emma

[Patches]

A: c.f. answer for ice gnomes and # licks to get to the centre of a lolly-pop for manufacturing specs. Jelly gnomes (first discovered in an isolated Borneal forest by a travelling band of organ grinders in search of suitable primates for exploitation, err use on the streets of London at the turn of the century), like their genetically unrelated second cousins twice removed by marriage, the honey bees who digest pollen and puke honey, eat fruit and puke jelly; Krispy Kream donuts, which we all know are frozen then thawed, are produced by Nordic Jelly gnomes in Greenland.

Q: Why was everyone Kung Fu Fighting?

[Naeryn]

A: Jackie Chan grew older, and began to require stunt doubles. In the hopes of achieving this role, geeks all over the world began training themselves hard and altering their DNA slightly so every one of them would look like Jackie Chan from behind - including the girls.

Q: Who put the ram in the rama-lama-ding-dong?

[Emms]

A: The ram breeder

Q: Why do we laugh to keep from crying?

[umgaynow]

A: Because if we farted to keep from crying, everyone would leave the room and there'd be no one there to cheer us up.

Q: What's so fun about a barrel of monkeys?

[Patches]

A: YOu know the expression, shooting fish in a barrel? Well, it was originally monkeys, but you know, bad taste and all, but the monkeys got all up in arms about losing such a popular saying to fish, so in the late 1960's they convinced a group of record execs to form a band (changing the name to monkees and thus dropping the several hunderd thousand children from the spelling bee honour roll) to compete with the Turtles, who aren't really fish, but you know....

Q: Why do they say, "History repeats itself," when it is a fact that historians merely repeat one another?

[ambercissism]

A: I really don't have the slightest idea. Maybe reincarnation could explain us why we keep on being recycled, and yet it's the same story!

Q: Why does Rudolph has a red nose?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: Because his parents...well...you know...

Q: Why do I unnecessarily worry about things?

[umgaynow]

A: Because your brain has nothing better to keep it occupied...you should think about sex more...it makes an excellent distraction and is a lot more fun than worrying...so next time you start to get all tweaked out, just picture Amber in that number from the Stuff magazine shoot

Q: What was Daddy doing while Mommy was kissing Santa Claus?

[FineyMcFine]

A: Daddy was on the rooftop kissing Vixen (much to both Mommy and Comet's dismay).

Q: Why are no two snowflakes exactly alike?

[LtSticks]

A: Because the Powers that Be decided that if two snowflakes were the same, they would end up ruling the world.

Q: Why is there an ever lasting debate on whether dogs are better than cats?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: Because if it ever stopped, those filthy cats would win.

Q: Do you think anyone would get the joke I just made?

[lollipopgirl]

A: Ummm.... Maybe in China

Q: Why am I always the relationship counsellor for my friends?

X-Katie-X

[dark_chylde]

A: You are either in no relationship yourselves, so your friends
(a) assume that you have a lot of time on your hands to solve their problems
(b) think that they cheer you up about being single by showing you how stressful relationships can be
or
your own relationship is considered so happy and problemfree that they think you need a dose of reality

Q: Why do some colleagues stay home sick with the slightest of coughs while others come to work being seriously ill just so their work will be finished ?

[umgaynow]

A: It has recently been scientifically proven that having a stick up your butt, coupled with no sense of fun and the feeling that not only your office but the world revolves around you and would fall apart in your absence, greatly increases both the capacity of a body for tolerating illness and the joy of passing said illness on to innocent others.

Q: Why do gay men identify so strongly with the character of Dorothy in The WIzard of Oz, when the Lion is so clearly a big ole queen?

[sakkara]

A: because of the shoes. one of the latest studies of the gbprc (gay behaviour pattern research center) showed that all gay men dig red shoes whereas being barefoot turned out to be a major turn-off.

Q: why do we say "bless you" when someone sneezes but not when someone choughes?

[GayNow]

A: It's a well known fact that a sneeze is basically akin to a full-body orgasm. Thus, when someone sneezes we feel a sense of awe, or even envy, toward that person. So saying "bless you" is a way of thanking the person for allowing you to witness his/her orgasm.

Q: How do the Christmas lights, that you so carefully packed away last year, become tangled in the box...which is in the attic...when you get them out to decorate this year?

[JustSkipIt]

A: Entrophy. No just kidding. The real question I think we could be asking is how much did you contribute to charitable organizations? It's not so much that elves sneak into your attic as it is that elves sneak into your attic. The amount of disarray they create in your lights is inversely proportional to the amount you donated to charitable causes in the prior year. Remember: giving is good and not just during sex...

Q: Why do people think it's necessary to follow up saying that your infant or toddler is cute by then warning you how terrible they will be as a teenager?

[dark_chylde]

A: So you will not be dissapointed when your kid turns a teenager and behaves like one, or, if they're mean people so that they can tell you they already knew it back then .... or maybe they are just jealous because your toddler is so cute (I can tell from the picture )

Q: Who said we should have a christmas tree for christmas when we are celebrating the brith of christ which didn't take place in a wood (at least not to my knowledge) ?

[FineyMcFine]

A: It was the National Association of Evergreen Tree Farmers who issued that decree. Not for any financial gain, of course.

Q: Why did the kittenboard crash yesterday?

[ambercissism]

A: Try asking the animals in the forest! Coz last Christmas I saw the bear "holding hands" with the rabbit on his left, and on his right his "holding hands" with the squirrel. Then later on the fox joined them together with the sheep and they all went around the tree on a winter night singing, "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus!"


Q: What does the moon made of?

[dark_chylde]

A 1: The kittenboard crashed because it couldn't hold all the impossible answers posted in this thread.

A 2: The moon is definitely made of cheese, everbody knows that

Q: Why am I always in a hurry to catch my train for work even though I'm getting up 1 1/2 hours before I have to leave the house ?[/b]

[SithLordWiccan]

A: Because you're spending all your time here.

Q: Why am I doing the exact same thing?