Okay, this part got pretty introspective. I think it's important, though. I small bit of this will be familiar. The scene you'll recognize was extremely important on the show, and it is equally important here. I've changed the bulk of the dialogue, to tailor it more towards this story. But there were a couple of lines, well, I just couldn't change. I mean, how can you improve on perfection? (The show's perfection, certainly not mine!)
***barnabasvamp - You're prepared to beg a lot? *rubs palms together wickedly* You know, anyone suggesting panty throwing would not be accused of crazy-talk...
***mollyig - I think one of the beautiful parts about this part of their relationship was their reluctance, on so many levels. Because their reluctance speaks of the level of their connection, I think - what they feel is so new and powerful, it frightens them a little.
***Tulipp - You like that line, huh? Hehe. It was totally a last minute addition, so I'm glad it worked!
***xita - I totally agree! That's always why I thought she lied from the very beginning - because even though she didn't want to know, she knew... ya know?
***Grimaldi - Well, I was gonna have them finish the spell, but I'm a big fan of hand-holding, so...
***Murasaki S - That's one of the thing I love about writing any W/T fic - all the little jokes I just know you all will actually get!
***ally02 - How can highlighter overprotection be wrong? *G*
***vix84 - Glad it's what you needed. It's hard to translate all the little looks Aly and Amber give Willow and Tara, but I try...
***BFR from Paris - Mine was my Eighth grade English teacher. Sigh.
***MissQuirky - Well, ya didn't have to wait too long!
***XWickedXWiccan - Yeah, Ms. Calendar was swoon-worthy, wasn't she?
***MadeinNZ - You liked that line? Well, that was my favorite, too. *G*
-BB
Title: The Truth of Deception - Part 6: Objects At Rest
Author: blameburner
Feedback: Sure… Always a plus
Summary: AU, baby! So you all know by now... Tara is part of the Initiative. Plenty of questions remain, however, and the answers will be revealed... eventually.
Spoiler Warning: S4. Everything up to "Hush" is canon. After that, this story veers off. There will be some similarities to S4, but definite differences. Basically, if it happened after "Hush" on the show, assume it
didn't happen unless I mention it specifically.
Disclaimer: Not my characters, but oh how I wish they were! Joss, blah, blah, ME, blah, blah.
Rating: Generally R, but some NC-17 (maybe). Just be prepared.
Pairings: W/T, of course.
Angst: Maybe a 3 for a little internal conflict, but nothing major.
Part 6
A couple of weeks had passed since Willow and Tara had floated the rose. A couple of glorious, magnificent weeks. Willow had seen Tara practically every day, sometimes only for a few minutes, sometimes for hours. They had done a few more spells together, nothing major, all of it pretty basic casting.
Most of the time, though, they had simply sat talking. Talking and laughing and sharing stories and secrets. Willow had told Tara all about Buffy being the Slayer, about the Scoobies and their adventures in high school. Tara had told Willow about her family, about growing up in northern California, and about her mom dying two years earlier.
That had been a particularly emotional night, the pain of the loss still fresh on the blonde's tender soul. Willow could tell that Tara liked to think she had it all under control, but it was obvious that the wounds were still raw. Her mother's death had not yet scarred her, because the wounds had not yet begun to heal. Willow could tell, too, that Tara was holding back. She wasn't sure what, but she knew there was something... something.
But no matter how much time she spent with the blonde, it never seemed like enough. All Willow could think of was the next time she'd be able to see Tara. To be near her. To see the smile that warmed her heart and pushed back the shadows of her own tortured youth. To be sure, Willow had not suffered the physical loss of a parent, yet her own loss was just as real. Just as profound.
Willow had spent her whole life seeking her parents' love, but she had always missed out. She was sure that deep down, somewhere lurking in the depths, was the affection she so desperately sought. Yet it had always been, and it still remained, hidden. Willow supposed that it always would.
So Willow had turned elsewhere, turned to others to find the approval that would make her complete. Make her whole. But she hadn't found it. No matter how hard she tried, no matter how accessible or funny or helpful she tried to be, it was never good enough. She was always the outsider, always the geeky little girl who was too smart, unless of course someone needed her to tutor them or do their homework.
So intelligence and education had become her avenue of tacit acceptance, her own means of escape. She worked hard and lived for those sporadic moments when someone would need her. When they needed her, she was accepted, if only for a little while. And that had been okay. Willow had accepted the world as it was and her role in it. That is, until Buffy came along and showed her the real world.
Buffy had been Willow's lifeboat in the raging sea of insecurity. Buffy had befriended her, not because she needed something from Willow, but because she actually liked the shy redhead. For the first time in Willow's life, someone had seen who she was, who she truly was, and had not run off in the other direction screaming.
Or so Willow had thought. Yes, Buffy was her best friend. Yes, she and Buffy had shared a lot, about themselves and about the world around them. Yes, Buffy loved her. But meeting Tara made Willow realize that Buffy didn't really know Willow, not completely.
It wasn't Buffy's fault, though. It was Willow's, because as much as Willow trusted Buffy, she had never opened herself up completely. She had never allowed Buffy in to all the secret corners of her heart, to see all the fear and doubt that lay within. This was who Willow really was, and she feared the day that Buffy saw down to the depths of her insecurities. For on that day, Willow knew, Buffy would realize she'd been wasting her time, and she, too, would run away screaming.
And then along came Tara. Tara who had spent countless hours with Willow, just talking. Tara who had made Willow feel like anything was possible. Tara who in just a few weeks already knew more about Willow than anyone, maybe even Buffy and Xander. Tara who made Willow feel like she could strip herself completely bare, and everything would be okay. Tara who would not run away screaming.
Willow looked over at the blonde from where she lay on the bed on her stomach. Tara was sitting cross legged on the floor, her eyes glued to her Art History book. Willow loved to watch Tara study. She had spent a lot of time doing that, just watching Tara. When they weren't talking or doing spells, they were studying - though truthfully, Willow often went home and had to spend many hours reading in order to make up for the time she was supposed to be studying with Tara but spent watching her instead.
Willow didn't mind, though. It was totally worth a little lost sleep. She couldn't help but smile as Tara bit her bottom lip and chewed thoughtfully, obviously intent on what she was reading.
That's my girl, Willow thought.
Wait a minute... my girl? Oh boy, here we go again.
She was about to launch into yet another internal Willow-babble about how Tara was a girl and she, Willow Rosenberg, didn't like girls, when Tara looked up.
Uh-oh, Willow thought.
She caught me staring. Then Tara smiled, and all rational thought was lost to Willow.
"Uh..." Willow sputtered. "Whatcha doin'?"
"Playing soccer," Tara said with a straight face.
"That's good. Wait... huh?" Willow said, completely confused. Tara laughed, and Willow grinned sheepishly. "Oh, yeah, well... I suppose the book on your lap should have been a dead giveaway, huh? Well, you know me, all with the asking of questions before I think."
Tara laughed again. "I think it's cute," she said. Her smile was as big in the inside as it was on the outside. In the weeks they had spent together, Tara's stutter had almost completely disappeared. It had been strange, really, how it had even come back in the first place. Until she met Willow, Tara hadn't stuttered since her early days in the Initiative. Now the stutter only re-emerged occasionally, when she and Willow were talking about particularly intense things. Or when Tara had to lie.
Thankfully, Tara had not had to lie too often, at least not to Willow. Really, she had only lied when they had talked about the time after her mother's death, and even then, it had been a lie of omission. Tara had simply left out the parts about her joining the Initiative. Still, no matter how she tried to rationalize it, omitting things didn't make them any less lies.
Actually, she had been lying more to Maggie Walsh than to Willow. Tara had submitted two reports now, detailing the spells they had done and the progress of their relationship. Except once again, Tara had omitted things. She hadn't told Maggie that they spent more time talking than doing spells, or that they had become quite close in the previous weeks. Better Maggie not know all the details, Tara had decided.
It had disturbed her, though, that she was lying to her superior. Her mentor. Her savior. She owed Maggie so much, but there was just something about all of this that bothered her. Something... something. She had considered that it might just be a simple matter of her feelings for Willow, that her emotions were clouding her judgment and causing her to make bad decisions. After all, she had a job to do. A duty. And yet here she was, shirking that duty, all because she had the hots for Willow.
But there was more to it than that, she knew, no matter how much she didn't want to know. There was the fact that she, Tara MaClay, was falling in love with Willow Rosenberg. She had tried to talk herself out of it, but her heart had just put in earplugs and refused to listen. This wonderful, amazing, caring, intelligent, funny, beautiful woman had captivated her heart, and Tara had no choice but to follow where her heart led. Damn the consequences.
And still, there was even more to it. It wasn't just love that made Tara lie to Maggie. It was that the entire situation didn't sit well with the blonde. Ever since the day Maggie had come to her front door, Tara had always believed in her duty. But this... this just wasn't right.
That day, Tara had invited Maggie into her father's home, and she had listened as Maggie explained what had happened the previous night. Tara had saved three of her agents from a werewolf. And she had used magic to do it. Tara just sat and listened as Maggie explained about how the Initiative had been created to assess and stop the demon threat.
"There are demons in the world'" Maggie had said,
"as real as you or I sitting here in this room. And they are out there hurting people. They must be stopped." "What c-can I do?" Tara had asked.
"I'm n-n-nobody." "That's not true, Tara," Maggie had said.
"I've researched your lineage. You've had a witch in your family for every generation in the last five hundred years. You have a proud, powerful heritage. Your mother taught you, didn't she?" Tara had nodded.
"Good. We need people like you, Tara. We have technology, funding, and some highly intelligent people. But there are forces at work that right now we just don't have access to, or even thorough understandings of. Forces that are being used against us, that we have no defense against. Forces that are getting stronger every day. We need to harness those forces, Tara. And we need people like you to do it," Maggie had explained.
"But s-surely someone e-else, s-someone w-w-with..." "No, Tara. You. We need you," Maggie had said with conviction.
"You have more strength than you know. And I'm not just talking about magical strength. Last night you ran into a situation you had no understanding of, and you saved the lives of three men." "S-Stupid," Tara had muttered.
"Courageous," Maggie had countered.
"What you did took guts, Tara. It took strength. I need that strength. Your strength. Or I fear we've already lost."Just then, Tara's father had walked in the house.
"What in the hell is going on here?" he had bellowed.
"Mr. MaClay, my name is-" "I don't care what your name is, lady," Mr. MaClay had said angrily, turning to Tara.
"And you! You get your butt upstairs, right now!"In a moment that seemed like forever, Tara had realized that this was her chance. Her one and only chance for a different life. A better life. And she had grabbed it with both hands.
"No," she had said simply yet defiantly, with all the strength she could muster.
"What did you say to me?" her father had said, disbelieving.
"I said no," she said, with even more conviction.
"Why you little bitch!" he had shouted, lunging at his daughter. he didn't know what hit him. He suddenly found himself on his back on the floor, with three very large men aiming three very large guns at his head.
"I wouldn't advise that, Mr. MaClay," Maggie had said warningly, with just a hint of amusement.
"You see, it's a federal offense to threaten an agent of the United States Government."Mr. MaClay hadn't said anything. He had been too scared to move, lest he upset the big, angry looking men with the guns.
Maggie had turned to Tara, putting a hand on her shoulder. She had asked Tara if she was okay, and Tara had nodded that she was, unable to tear her eyes away from her father lying on the ground. He looked as scared as she has felt all her life, but it brought her no comfort. She only felt pity for him. Maggie guided Tara to the door, and just before she walked through it for the last time, she had turned to her father and had simply said,
"Good-bye, Daddy."It had been more than two years since that day, and she had never regretted her decision. The Initiative had helped her find her inner strength, had shown her how to use her power, had given her something to fight for. The Initiative had always represented what was good in the world, at least until now. Now Tara felt as though an infection had set in, poisoning what had once been honest and true. She didn't know why or what, but there was something... something.
So Tara did the best she could, balancing her duty and loyalty to the Initiative and to Maggie against that which was tugging at her soul.
Willow.
"You do?" Willow asked, bringing Tara back to the present. "You think... it's cute?"
Uh-oh, Tara worried.
Way to push things too far. "Um... yeah?" she said uncertainly. Willow's bright smile in response set Tara's mind at ease.
"So... should we get back to studying?" Tara asked, hoping the redhead would say no.
Willow groaned and flopped dramatically face-first onto her physics book. "No! No more!" she yelled, her voice muffled by her arms.
Tara giggled, then stood and walked over to the bed. She laid down on her side, resting in an elbow. "I'm telling you, you should take drama next semester."
Willow propped her chin up on her palm to face Tara. "Ya think? I could do drama. I could be all big with the dramatic."
"Really? Gee, I wouldn't have guessed," Tara laughed.
"Oh, I see," Willow said. "You're making fun of me, aren't you?"
"Who, me?" Tara said with feigned innocence. "Never."
"Uh-huh," Willow said. "I'm not buying it. You know what that means..." she said with a devilish glint in her eyes.
"Willow..." Tara warned, but to no avail. Willow pounced, tickling Tara with all her might. She pinned the blonde between her knees, making Tara squirm as she ravaged her sides. After a good solid two minutes, Willow relented, moving back to sit on her haunches.
Tara seized the opportunity and flipped Willow onto her back, pinning her hands above her head. "Now we'll see who gets the last tickle!" she laughed.
Willow laughed too, but quickly stopped as she noticed the nearness of Tara's face to her own. Time seemed to stand still as the two girls stared into each other's eyes. Tara felt as though she were caught in Willow's gravitational orbit, unable to do anything but descend. Her head lowered slowly, and she wondered if she was imagining that Willow's head was rising towards hers. She paused for the briefest of seconds and licked her lips, imagining what Willow's were going to feel like against her own.
The pause in Tara's descent snapped Willow out of her trance, and she panicked. She shifted out from underneath the blonde, who was too stunned to put up any resistance.
Oh, Goddess, Tara thought as she watched Willow stalk across the room,
I pushed too hard. Hell, I shouldn't have been pushing at all.Willow picked up the phone and called Giles. It was all she could think of to do. There was no answer. She turned back towards Tara, who looked as miserable as Tara felt. Willow would have slapped herself upside the head if she wasn't afraid it would freak Tara out any more than she was probably already freaked.
Nice going, Rosenberg, she mentally berated herself.
How many times do you need to be reminded? You. Like. Boys. End of discussion. And now you've managed to upset Tara by putting moves on her..."Sorry, I... uh... just remembered I needed to check in with Giles," Willow said lamely. "I've been out of touch all day, ya know? It's good to check in."
"O-Of course," Tara agreed, sitting up on the bed. "I-It's not l-like any of the S-Scoobies know w-where you a-are."
Willow frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Uh..." Tara said, "well, I mean, t-they don't even know I exist, r-right?"
Suddenly this situation had gone from bad to worse, and Willow felt horrible. First she had practically attacked Tara on the bed. And what was that all about, anyway? Had Willow really been about to kiss Tara? Willow knew, but she didn't want to know. She returned her thoughts to berating herself over her treatment of Tara.
"Tara... I..."
"Willow, it's o-okay," Tara said gently. The last thing she wanted was for Willow to feel any worse than she already did. "I just... it's really okay," she said again, this time her voice strong and sure. She could be strong for Willow.
Willow sat down next to Tara, taking her hand. "I'm sorry, Tara," Willow said sincerely. "I never thought about it that way. It's not like I don't want my friends to know you. I just... it's like there's all this craziness, you know? In my life and in my head? And then... then there's you, and you're like this calm force. You make me feel... safe. And I guess... I guess I'm being all selfish girl, because I don't want to share that with anyone, you know?"
Willow squeezed Tara's hand. "I kinda like having something that's just... you know... mine?"
Tara placed her other hand over Willow's. "I am, you know," she said softly.
Willow looked directly into Tara's eyes. "What?"
"Yours," Tara answered softly.
Willow couldn't help the shiver that ran down her spine.
Mine, she thought.
****************************
TBC with Part 7: Twilight
"I feel like someone ran me down with a car, and then got out to give me a really great pair of shoes." - sassyeggsglobal
by Murasaki S » Fri Sep 20, 2002 9:46 pm 
32 parts?
But I caught up and its all good 
Very cute how their relationship is developing *sigh* And very funny when Willow was going mad about her highlighters! So does that mean it is wrong to be over protective of your highlighters 
Aly xxxx 
