Thanks everyone for being patient. Wow, this whole feedback thing is a bit addicting. Thanks.
Xita - Thanks for the feedback. I had not really thought about Willow's guilt until I wrote it but it did seem to make sense with Willow's personality.
VampireNo.12 - Thanks for your thoughtful post. I am still trying to figure out the answers to what happened to Tara. You know, she has had such a hard life and with the amnesia, she doesn't have that baggage. I am not sure how I am going to introduce it yet. Enigmatic - glad you like Willow in the last update. I hope I stayed true to her character is this new update.
Bobos Mom - My dear loyal reader, YOU are wonderful. Thanks for your meaty comments. I certainly considered them as I wrote this section. I am still having trouble with Willow speak but I will check out that essay you suggested. I hope this update has given a little more of the thoughts of Tara and Willow. I really value your comments. Thanks again! Oh, and as for your second post, the weekend was almost as hectic as this past week. But thanks for asking!
jdcioffi - I felt like I did go a little fast through the Willow conversation but I amglad you liked it.
Trish03 - please don't pout. I don't mean to torture you but I am glad that you are enjoying the story.
Pixie gishmock - whoo -wooo, I have had panties flung at me. My life is complete. Yes, I am probably way to excited about panites.
Rally - Thanks for reading and commenting!
tommo - Yippee, one of the queens of the Willow/Tara Ficland is reading and not regretting it. Thanks.
Blue77 - Thanks for the thumbs up!
sheila wt - I did have to stop right there and you are probably going to hate where I stop this most recent update. I'm sorry but I am happy you are reading. Thanks.
. The Rose24 - I am sorry it took so long to update but I hope it is worth the wait.
wiltar - Bon a petit - I hope you enjoy this next serving.
pikescoob - Thanks for the feedback. Dealing with all the emotions that would be in this type of reunion has been a challenge and hopefully I have juggled them properly.
bzengo - ah, thanks, my story was your first fiction at the board. There are so many awesome writers. They humble me. Happy reading.
BigMac - The problem with catching up with stories is that you then have to wait for the next update. I will try not to keep you waiting long. Thanks for reading.
Drakkenfyre- I don't want to kill you but you know, begging is pretty cool. I hope this update releaves a little of the pain.
ExtraFlameyWT - here's more, thanks for reading.
BabyJune - What More, you want MORE? Well, puppy dog eye's are affective. I
tkheaven - sorry to keep you waiting and congratulations for being a floating rose. I am the eternal Blessed wannabe. It's okay, I am secure with that. I hope you like this next section.
Again, thanks to everyone. I hope this next week treats you all well!
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Willow froze in her place. She and Buffy were standing about thirty feet from the riding ring. She stood with her mouth slightly open watching the woman she loved gently help children down off their horses. She was in a trance and her focus was entirely on Tara. She did not notice that two of the children went from sitting on horses to sitting in a wheel chairs. She watched as Tara started to sign to one of the riders and wondered if Tara had always know sign language. The rider must have signed a joke because after a moment, Tara laughed appreciatively. From the distance, Willow could not see the changes in face old lover's face but she recognized the smile. It was the same smile that still made her knees go weak.
Buffy had expected to have to hold Willow back once she saw Tara. She was not been prepared to have her friend freeze. She searched her face to get an idea of what she was feeling. What she saw was joy, hope and fear. As she looked at her friend, she remembered seeing that look. She had seen that look on her twenty-first birthday when Tara and Willow were still separated. Buffy had invited Tara to her party. Willow had spent two hours getting ready to see Tara again. And as Willow came down the stairs, her face wore the same look of confusion that it did now. As she looked between her friend and the ring, Buffy wondered what her role should be in this reunion.
Willow wanted to throw her arms around Tara and never let go. She wanted to run her fingers through her hair, to feel Tara's heart beating against her own. She wanted to smell her again. She wanted to kiss her. She wanted everything. And yet she was paralyzed with fear. She didn't want to scare Tara off. She was afraid to blink because Tara might disappear again. She tried to convince herself that just standing and staring at Tara was enough. And yet she knew it was not. She wanted and needed to get closer. Maybe slowly, she could move closer. She just couldn't yet.
"Don't you want to move closer?" Buffy was acting more eager than her friend. She was also wondered how she could get Willow to stop squeezing her hand. She thought that her fingers would be blue soon from the lack of circulation. They couldn't just stand there. With her aching hand, Buffy pulled Willow towards the split rail fence that surround the ring. "Don't tell me you are too afraid of horses to go closer."
In a whisper, Willow pleaded to her friend. "Buffy, tell me this isn't a dream. Tell me that is really her."
"It is her, Will. In the flesh."
"How can she be even more beautiful than I remember. I didn't think is was possible for anyone to be as beautiful as she was. I was wrong. How can she be so much the same and yet so different?" Willow's heart was beating so hard, she was afraid everyone could hear it.
Before Buffy could answer, Tara turned and saw the two women. She tried hard not to do a double take but couldn't help it. She had been excited about seeing Buffy again and meeting another person from her past but she had not expected to be so attracted to this new woman. She was not prepared for such a physical reaction. Hoping that her hand was not obviously shaking, Tara waved at them. She cleared her throat and started to speak but couldn't find her voice. Again, she cleared her throat and managed to say, "Hey, Give me about fifteen minutes to finish up here. Okay?"
"Sure, we will just stand by the fence," replyed Buffy as she pulled Willow over to the fence.
Willow felt chills go up her back as she heard Tara's voice. It was music to her ears. She craned her ears to hear Tara talking to the riders. She had never heard such a beautiful sound. Why was it suddenly so hot outside. She started chastising herself. She was afraid that the intensity of her emotions would scare Tara. She took deep breaths and tried to do one of the meditation exercises that she used to resist magic. The deep breaths did not help. Instead, she began to feel even more light headed.
Buffy continued to watch Willow. She looked even more pale than usual. She was still clinging to her hand. She was breathing heavy and really looking nervous. "Will, you have got to calm down. It is okay. Really, it is okay."
"I know, I know, it's just, it's just, it's just that it is Tara. It's really her."
Tara fought to pay attention to the riders. This was her favorite class. It consisted of five physically disabled children. She had always felt so connected to them. She never really questioned why; it made sense to her. She related to them because she felt that there was a part of her that wasn't functioning. In her case, it was a part of her mind, her memory. But that was not the only reason she like the kids. They were a lot of fun and she admired their determination, enthusiasm and innocence. They were great kids. And usually, it was easy to give them her complete focus. Today, it was different. She kept sneaking peaks at Willow. She wondered how she could ever forget someone that beautiful. She wanted to pat her old self on the back for the fact that in any lifetime, she would date that attractive of a woman.
Willow felt overwhelmed by memories. Tara's shy glances were so reminiscent of the looks she had given her when they sat across from each other during the first Wicca meeting. From there, she remembered the night they hid in the laundry room. One memory after another flashed to another. She remembered how safe and secure she felt with Tara. She felt loved and appreciated. And as important as how she had felt about her self, she felt that there was so much to learn about life from Tara. Tara was beautiful, interesting, silly, creative, gentle and so loving. And there she was, in the flesh.
"Why can't I remember her?" Realizing that she was talking out loud, she looked around to see if anyone had noticed her murmuring. She wished for memories of this beautiful woman. She wanted to know how they could have been involved. What was their relationship like? As a couple, they had obviously impacted others. She thought of how enthusiastic Dawn had been about her and Willow's reunion. She remembered Buffy's attempt to tone down their relationship so as to not frighten Tara. The fact that information was being kept from her made the reunion even more uncomfortable. But this wasn't really a reunion because she had no memory of this woman. This was an introduction for her. She almost wished that she had not known about there relationship. Then maybe she wouldn't have been quite as anxious. She felt that she was at a disadvantage. She tried to focus on winding the class up.
When the class ended and the horses had been returned to their stalls, Tara came walking out of the stable.. Willow suddenly became conscious that she was holding Buffy's hand. She dropped it as if it was a frog. She started wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans. She began to evaluate her outfit. She silently cursed Buffy for not telling her that she would be seeing Tara. She would have gotten her hair cut the way that Tara had liked. She would have dressed differently. She would have worn green. Tara loved her in green. Did she still have the same favorite colors? Tara had no memories of her past life. Suddenly, Willow had a horrible thought. What if Tara was interested in men now? No, Willow remembered her early conversations with Tara. Since a young age, she had never been interested in boys. She remembered Tara describing the first crush she ever had. It was crush on her riding instructor. Willow remember agreeing to go riding after hearing that story. She didn't want Tara to meet someone else doing the one activity that they didn't share. What if Tara had a girlfriend? Suddenly, the questions were too much. She started to turn around when she felt Buffy's hand firmly set in her back, stabilizing and preventing Willow from running away.
Tara walked over to them. She sensed Willow's fear. The red head looked as if she wanted to run away. What if Willow did want to leave? What if she had seen Tara, realized that she was a fool ever to be involved and wanted to get away? She hoped that Willow did not feel obligated to meet her. It was clear that she was uncomfortable, actually she looked scared.
Fortunately for Tara, Buffy took the lead in the awkward introductions. She stepped forward to hug Tara. "Hey, Tar, it's good to see you again. This is Willow."
Steadying herself, Willow stepped forward and reached out her hand toward's Tara. Considering their past relationship, offering a handshake seemed so inadequate and yet it also seemed like the only proper way to greet Tara. She felt equally inadequate about the words but still she spoke. "It is so good to see you again."
Instinctively, Tara reached out to shake Willow's extended hand. She was nervous. She was definitely attracted to the red head. She was not prepared for the flood of emotions that she experienced when their hands met. She was never very good with words, now though, she was absolutely speechless. She wanted to stare into Willow's eyes but she felt vulnerable looking at the beautiful woman. If looked into her eyes, surely her feelings .would easily be read. So instead, she hung onto Willow's hand. A voice from somewhere in the back ofher mind spoke out, 'Don't let go.'
Willow never wanted to let go. She felt a flood of memories.
Buffy couldn't wait any longer. The two women were just standing and gazing at their hands. They were not making eye contact, instead they were staring at their hands. Buffy was anxious to know if Tara was remembering things. She tried to bite her tongue and keep "Hey, Earth to Will and Tar."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be all with the clingy. I mean, you don't know who I am and I am taking your hand and not letting go of it. It's just I never thought I would get to see you again." Willow released Tara's hand reluctantly but she still could not meet Tara's eyes.
"Nnnnnooo, I'm sorry, it wasn't just you. I'm sorry I don't remember you. I don't know how I could forget you though." Tara glanced up from the ground towards Willow. Her cheeks were very red and she quickly looked away. Willow had forgotten to breath. She just gazed at Tara.
"So, how much time do you have for us today?" Buffy had heard how shy the women had been when they first got together. She knew that they could just stand around and kick dirt for entire day if someone didn't get them moving. Buffy appointed herself as the one to push them to do more than just stand around.
"I, uh I am basically done today. It was an early day. I have been here since five."
"Great, well, give us tour of the joint, okay?"
"SSSSSure."
Buffy wondered how long she was going to have to stall. The night before, she and Dawn had agreed that Buffy would go alone. At two o'clock, Dawn was going to call Buffy and get fake a business call from Anya. They hoped that time alone would help Willow and Tara. Just when she thought the call would never come, a ring came from her purse. She hoped that she was able to convincingly fake an annoyed look as she fished around for her phone. "Hello, oh hi Anya. Now, do we have to talk now, okay, yeah, let me just get my daytimer. It is in the car. Sorry, Tar, you will just have to start the tour without me. This could be a while."
"Now! You have to go now?" Willow protested Buffy's exit but all she could do was watch her walk away. She looked at Tara and observed the frightened look on the other woman's face. Scaring her was the last thing she wanted to do. She didn't want Tara to think that she didn't want to be around her. But she didn't want to pressure her either. She was just going to play it cool. She tried to psych herself up. She looked, noticing how her heart did a little skip and said, "Well, I guess it's just you and me. I would love to see everything. Please lead on."
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Sorry to leave it there. Next section won't be up until Wednesday. Sorry but hey, at least they finally met. Thanks for reading.
Edited by: anon at: 4/8/02 9:07:13 pm
Can't wait!!
by LeatherQueen » Thu Apr 04, 2002 2:41 am 
!!
! It's so true and Willow-like, and I feel so sorry for her...
I want to know why Tara was in Arizona. Please Hurry!!!!! 
at: 4/4/02 8:55:19 pm