new fic - The yellow crayon

[gspiggott]

Disclaimer-characters owned by ME ,I'm playing with Joss's broken toys.

Story starts at the end of Grave and backpedals steadily

Spoilers Angst but happy endings for those who deserve them.Love triumphs and evil is punished.

Told from character POV's

pg-13

feedback sure



TARA

I think she's hurt.There was blood on her shirt ,and her face and then I fainted.It's the wrong kind of red and she looked so scared.I've got to wake up but we haven't slept much in the last two days.That must be it.Maybe smelling salts or something would help.It's like I'm trying to swim in a sea with no current.I need to wake up, she gets so afraid and the others don't realize it ,but I can't make myself move. Please let her be okay.Unless it's me that's...





WILLOW

In the end I just wanted him to shut up. I've lost my everything,now there's nothing and my always is never.But at least I have my broken yellow crayon.Sun and moon and stars gone with her ,and nothing left for me except crayons. Including the broken ones.How stupid is that?What do I care about kindergarten,do I look six years old?Why would that matter now?My light is in darkness and colored wax is my consolation.When I stuck my hands in those books I was trying to absorb enough magic to kill myself because that's what the experts said would happen, that you couldn't ingest so much darkness and live.Anya told me it was useless."Your pain is too great and it will burn away whatever you soak up.You should let me help you."

I just wanted to stop this fire of grief inside me. My heart is ashes and my blood is smoke and the rest of me keeps smoldering.Here I am on the edge of a cliff crying ,

but I want to drown the world in a scream without end.Xander is still here but silent.Crawling towards me and grabbing me when I can't stand being touched now.

"Will we need to go."His voice is scratchy and he's sweaty.

"Nowhere to go."Nobody will ever call me baby again.

"Yeah there is actually. I'm supposed to take you-Tara made me promise to take you someplace ,so we gotta leave before the others find us."He's trying to pick me up and all of a sudden I need to see his face. Xander smiles his weak smile and I nod.



TARA

I'm thinking it must be me.So that means she's still if I'm not?Why can't I see what's going on or hear her?It's just blackness ,no white light or tunnels or familiar faces.I always wondered about it. This morning I was talking to Will about the oracle at Delphi, how they found methane gas underneath it,and if that affected the priestesses.That's my kind of thing. For instance ,I told her some languages have no conception of time but I was only trying to guilt Willow out of bed so we could be useful in the great war against the nerds.We keep getting distracted.And now what?Not a clue.

What's the thing about how you can know the location of a molecule ,but not it's velocity and vice versa?Einstein . Willow would know off the top of her head.I have a sense of movement through space even if I don't have a body to go with it. Seems really fast but it's difficult to tell.Until I am suddenly somewhere and wearing what I had on this morning.

No blood on me.I'm not alone , there are all kinds of people in different clothes and languages but somehow it's orderly and calm.Like a Grand Central Station for the world.No sign of our little blue earth or the big pineapple,just swirls of red ,blue and so many stars. Willow loves astronomy, this would floor her.

Tons of people and they seem to know where to go ,so I follow the crowd. Ahead there's a giant clock ,and a man dressed like an English soldier from the 1800's , a real redcoat is holding up a sign with my name on it. Like they do at the airport.Weird.

"Miss Maclay?"

I nod.

" This way please."

"Is there a problem?" I'm starting to worry.

"Yes. It's the manner of your death.There are complaints. An inquiry is being held."

"Oh God. I don't mean to be any trouble. I 'm s-sorry."Nothing is easy for me.So I am dead?Willow is where?

"Don't worry ,it's only the nicer sort this happens to."We pass under the clock which is incredibly elaborate and you can see all the gears shifting and all the mechanisms working.He opens a heavy door, and we're in a room full of people sitting on marble benches. The soldier smiles at me ,and he has a scar across his cheek.Now that I have a body again I can feel myself tremble.

Edited by: xita  at: 12/29/02 7:40:54 pm

[pikescoob]

This is a really interesting idea. There are complaints about Tara's death? Heck ya there are Can't wait to see what this inquiry is about...it sounds like a very promising thing for Tara.



--Michelle

[SquishyTrishy]

I like this..back and forth ting so you get both ideas, can i ask for more?

[jdcioffi]

Very interesting concept -- the back/forthness of it. Also the "inquiry .." hmmm ... with soldiers? Very hmmm ....



Intrigued,

JD

"I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly!" (SpongeBob Squarepants)

[ally02]

Ohhhhhhh very spiffy idea. Yes I said spiffy...dont worry i feel shame. Open mouth insert keyboard! Anyhoo, cant wait to see where this goes. No really I cant wait. So you have to write now!



love Aly xxxx

"This whole us things is...bleh!" Willow to Xander in Lover's Walk

[TheWhiz]

Interesting idea, I like how you are focusing on both Willow and Tara's point of views so you get to see what they are both going through.

Please continue!!

"I am a whiz...If ever a whiz there was"

[willntlover]

I absolutely love it when people do different POV's!!! It's just makes the story all that much more interesting !!



-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

[Garner]

A very surrealistic start there. I like the inclusion of the biting humor regarding the crayon, manner of death and complaints, very nice.



Jumping around viewpoints can be hard to do, but so far that seems to be working just fine. Given the situation Willow and Tara are in I think showing what each is going through really helps give a greater picture. I also have to say that I like the idea of a 1800

British soldier. I hope that has some significance later.



Good job, I also hope we see more.



Garner

[KathleenWolf]

very much with the cerebral questions... though I have to say the format threw me at first but it was very easy to settle into and got the feeling of the first person action across effectively



much with the possibilities... bravo Kathleen

"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."

To The Land of The RainbowWriters

[gspiggott]

Thank you for reading it.So here's an update.

The Yellow Crayon

Disclaimer- Joss Whedon's battered toys I would have taken better care of them.

Story-Starts at the end of Grave and backpedals steadily.

Told from character POV's.

PG-13

Angst but happy endings





XANDER

Oh Christ, I'm so scared.I made a choice ,and I chose what Tara wanted over the scoobies.A new one for me.She made me promise months ago ,when Will was wacky on the magic to take her to this place if she couldn't get to her first.I almost did it once before ,when Dawn got hurt ,but Willow did the cold turkey thing.No glass case, but a scrap of paper in case of emergency only ,break it.When I called the lady got choked up after I said Tara was dead ,and I told her about Will going all dark and veiny.Tara said they'll know how to help Willow.Can't see it.The woman told me to be safe but come as quick as we can.On my way out of the Magic Box last night Anya reminded me we promised Tara to do this and not to get cold feet.Thanks.

I love American cars for old people.Thank God my parents keep buying these dinosaurs, because I'll say this for them they rock on the freeway. Eighty three miles an hour and this baby is purring.Need to be careful in case the police are looking for her.Flying down the road with a woman whose nose is bleeding, whose skin is going all purple and green ,don't forget those blackened fingers. Oh yeah totally inconspicuous.My Mom gave me the keys ,some money and a blanket for Willow.I told her if the scoobies call she hasn't seen us.Mom was crying when I headed out to the car.

It should take us four hours of massive speeding to get there , and I even checked the map. Maybe I'll turn on the radio but I don't want to wake her.The air conditioning is cranked,thought it might help her sleep.And we should not have gone by the morgue,my bad as Dawn says.The body is released to the family. Guess they left their banjo practice long enough to do that. Will passed out on the way back to the car and she's been out cold since.It's a small mercy. The only one. I need air. I'll open the window , I'm tired of smelling blood.





TARA

In this room everyone is sitting on stone benches that rise until you can't see any higher, and in front is an oval pool but instead of being blue water it's silvery and still.To one side there's a lectern but it's almost transparent.Across from the pool is a marble chair but I can't look directly at it since it's too bright.I sense something is sitting in it , but all I see is the hem of a robe that glints like it's made from metal.I'm very interested in myth and religion.Sorta majoring in it.I guess you think about that stuff more when people in your life have died.

If we're going to discuss my death I'm at a loss ,because for once I didn't study for the test. I should do a quick review and try and think of an outline, but all I can focus on is the last few days.Maybe they'll give me some time to organize my thoughts.What are the rules here and what's expected of me?

The soldier very gently takes my elbow and guides me to the side of the pool. A very calm voice out of the white light asks,"Are we ready to begin?" Not masculine or feminine but resonant.An older woman with a white veil and a blue gown moves to the lectern.Kind but sort of intimidating . Next to her is a dark haired man dressed like a renaissance prince,actually he reminds me of Botticelli's self portrait.He's impassive ,and holds a large leather volume.The soldier whispers in my ear,"Give'm a nod Miss." I do.

"Tara Maclay what do you have to say about the manner of your death?"It's the voice from before.White light isn't that the one you can't break down in a prism.I should ask Will.Trouble adjusting to this.

"I'm not sure. It was q-quick.I think.Was anyone else hurt?"

Even in death I stutter.The man with the book glances over to the woman at the lectern.The pool changes from silver to blue to translucent, and then I see it.I fall forward, and Willow cries out in pleading and despair.I hear her begging me to get up as she cradles me awkwardly. My blood on her shirt.Her tears on my face.The pain in her voice, and I realize that this is Hell after all.

"You're wrong Miss."The soldier says with a hint of disapproval in his voice.

"I didn't say anything."Confusing.

"Here you don't have to."A soldier's gruffness.

"S-sorry sir."

"Call me Rupert ,Miss." A bit gentler.

"Your death happened quickly but its consequences are of lasting concern."The woman in the veil said while studying a piece of parchment. She turned to her colleague.

"Azrael, what do you say?"

The man shrugged before replying,"Men must endure their going hence.Women too. Susannah ,let's have the first witness."

Finally a familiar face. She enters the room with her mug of tea and her calm smile.

"Joyce?"





DAWN

So she wants to show me the world,she wants to watch me grow up, and she wants her friends to be happy?Geez, how are we going to manage that?I hate God if there is one. I hate vengeance demons because they're useless, and I hope Warren burns in Hell forever.I made Tara promise she wouldn't leave me and I wouldn't leave her.I put a blanket over her feet so she wouldn't be cold.What if she really wasn't dead and I killed her? She'll hate me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. How can you be dead when I was just talking to you?

Remember, you were leaning on the door waiting for Willow ,and I said you can tell she's off the magic she's back to being late all the time.You laughed ,and I told you that Janice and I can move your stuff back home because they have a ton of boxes in their garage. You wouldn't have to pay us. We'll be glad to, school's out now and your neighbors in the dorm know me.I mean, you weren't really happy there anyway and you missed us.You said we'll see ,and that means yes. Everything that's not no is yes. It's a family rule.Like I have to set and clear the table for dinner and I go to bed at eleven but I can read in my room til I fall asleep.Remember ,because you'll come in and turn the light out and take my headphones off so my ears don't feel mushed in the morning.

You can't be dead and you can't leave me.We talked about this a lot last summer.Hey what happens to Willow she can't stand it if you're five miles away at school.I worked so hard for you guys to get back together so you can't be dead and Willow can't be lost.You can't leave me stuck dealing with Buffy with no help.So not right.And I even let Buffy make breakfast even though you do it better. Tara you said we could have breakfast like we used to.Pancakes.

The good thing about pancakes is they take time ,if it's just a bowl of cereal then that takes five seconds to pour and that's it.But with pancakes you have time to talk.Cause you have to make the batter and heat up the skillet and decide what kind to make.Or sometimes,you're too sleepy to talk but it's nice that someone's there.When they're cooking I can say things that are hard to say face to face.Like is there a Heaven?Does my Mom know your Mom or have they met Janice's grandfather?You can't have those kind of conversations with Buffy. People have limitations.

It's Mother's Day this weekend and at first I was like wow I never have to buy a card again in my life but I bought one anyway.It's kind of hokey with flowers and gold lettering and I almost gave it to Tara but then Willow came downstairs so it's still in my backpack getting kind of crumpledy.If she's in Heaven does she know about it?I hope my Mom understands.I'm taking flowers to the cemetary and I'll get rid of the weeds. One of the tombstones nearby always has a ton of cigarette butts. Mom used to say it was polite of Spike not to smoke in the house. See how messed up my life is.

[gspiggott]

Disclaimer-Joss's battered toys

Rating -PG

Spoilers- All the way through season sux but why should it be left that way?

Feedback -sure

Story told from character POV's

Summary- Tara doesn't stay dead , Willow doesn't stay sad and the scoobies try to fix things without them. Disaster ensues. Tara and Willow save them with Willow's magic crayons.



TARA

"Joyce?It's so good to see you." She looks so happy and relaxed.When she hugs me I inhale her perfume. I haven't smelled it since her death ,and now the perfume bottle sits on Dawn's dresser.

"We've dealt with you before Mrs. Summers, and your daughter. You have something to say about Miss Maclay's death." The woman in blue addresses Joyce. Her name is Susannah. She has several assistants busy examining books and sheets of parchment. One has an astrological chart.Up in the sweet hereafter I get the impression that Susannah is a big wheel. The man with the book stands by himself sharpening a quill with a small knife.He seems a bit bored by all this.

Joyce smiles at them and sets her mug on the rim of the pool.She waves a hand at them informally like this is a book club meeting when she speaks.

"Oh please call me Joyce. Tara was murdered in my old room. By the way I love what you girls have done with it. That's my mother's armoire your blood hit . It's not your fault sweetie. I bet he couldn't hit that shot twice for a million dollars.My youngest daughter found the body and stayed with her for hours. They were close. After my death and Buffy's she moved in to take care of Dawn because none of the others wanted to."

She nods and the pool shows Dawn having one of her nightmares where she wakes up screaming . I see myself running down the hall with Willow behind me and racing to find the light switch.Then we're sitting on the bed and I'm rocking Dawn in my arms while Willow gets her some water and kleenex. Other things are shown , little incidental scraps of life like eating dinner ,or cleaning house or refusing to let Dawn get a tattoo.I know it's selfish of me ,but that was a nice time for me. I missed Buffy and I knew they were grieving, but it was so nice to have people to take care of ,and a place that felt like my home.

Azrael examined his quill."Virtuous but not unique An unselfish life and a meaningless death."

Joyce smiled."Yes. My daughter's friends believed Buffy was killed by mystical energyand that her spirit was in hell. They brought her back from the grave and that's when things really started skidding downhill." The things I suspected about the spell WIllow performed were shown ,as well as Buffy clawing her way out of the grave. Assume crash positions.

Susannah asked,"I remember we had a memo about your daughter's unscheduled departure. You didn't want our intercession for her return . Is that correct?"

"Yes." Joyce said happily and I was too stunned to speak. How could that be?Joyce met my gaze and turned her attention back to the pool. This time the images were a montage of suffering. Spike and Buffy having sex with no hint of tenderness, the night I left Willow crying with Dawn begging me not to go and yelling that she hated me. Buffy beating Spike in an alley ,Dawn stealing, and Willow degraded by that warlock.It seemed endless and depressing. Willow sick on the floor ,and Buffy nearly killing us in the basement. A break in the storm clouds when Willow asked me out ,and my showing up that night. Spike trying to rape Buffy , gunshots and my dying. The worst is Willow's face ,and her voice a cry that makes Susannah flinch as it reaches Heaven. I'm weeping because I hurt the one I love. Your sorrow is my fatal grief. So ashamed of the pain I've caused I choose to stare at the floor instead.

Forcing myself to raise my eyes I see Willow remove a bullet from Buffy. My baby tries so hard. Then they go in search of Warren and Willow finds him. Her appearance is changed ,she's some disfigured thing and not the person I know who is gentleness itself.

"Is that what he looks like?" I said it before I could stop myself. It's disconcerting to be killed by a stranger.Everything Willow does an ever expanding nightmare, and the last is her crouching on the ground sobbing with all hope gone.That can't be the last sight of her I'm granted I can't allow that. Too cruel . Rupert is sniffling behind me, and his boots squeak as he digs them into the floor.Susannah spoke first her voice softer than before.

"It seems your daughter has done little with the gift of her life and bears some responsibility for this woman losing hers."

"I'm only showing you what I know. You're the ones that decide things. Joyce picked up her mug and went to sit on a bench still smiling at me.One of Susannah's assistants handed her a document.

"She has earned light and rest . Would you have her sacrifce that for earthly toil and fleeting happiness?"

"I'm sorry I didn't think of it that way." I hear the regret in Joyce's voice.

"Someone else has spoken on your behalf."Rupert says , inclining his head towards the opening of the room. Something in the half light that I sense but I'm too afraid to hope, and the years of longing are too powerful.

"Mom?" I see her hands emerging from the darkness and I'm moving as I can to her.



WILLOW

My eyes are shut and I want him to think I'm sleeping because I don't want to talk. I'm trying not to listen ,but he keeps rambling away ,and I know he does this when he's nervous but that doesn't make it any easier.Now he's telling me a joke that he thought of himself."Hey Will, what do you call a vengeful murdering lesbian dressed in black avenging herself on the menfolk?A cliche, that's what .Didn't you know that?Although in the movies they usually smoke and have bigger muscles ,at least they do in the ones I rent."

Maybe I can throw up on him ,but why bother. Heading north and towards the coast , and now the smell of the ocean blends with the smell of blood.Xander's just gabbing, and nothing will make him stop. If I'm unconscious that just means fewer interruptions.

"Will, isn't Tara from somewhere up here? I'll get her stuff from the dorm and keep it til you decide what to do with it. Your dog is in the back seat if you want him.I'm guessing that's it up ahead. The Hotel Corbie. I'm taking you to a bed and breakfast when your life is totalled?Tara knows best right?"He'll read subtitles to you Xander will. Keep my eyes closed because if I open them I face a world without her and I can't.

"Will ,we're here." He shakes my shoulder so I moan, but don't move.The car door slams. His voice is so high when he's scared.

"Hi, I'm Xander. I spoke to you this morning . She's still in the car."

The voice that answers him is pleasant but sounds older.

"I'm Elizabeth Weston. This is my son Matthew.I'm so glad you made it." Why did Tara want him to bring me to this place?Maybe it's not the right thing after all. If I had Warren's gun I could just shoot myself through the heart so I could know what it was like for her. How much time your brain has to think before it all goes dark. Hey ,they put animals to sleep when they don't have any quality of life left. How is this different? I'm getting out of the car because this is the end of the line for me.I see a woman in her sixties who looks like your typical nice old lady and an unsmiling man with her. They're watching me ,and she comes towards me slowly, the way you would a wild animal. She puts a hand on my shoulder and says,"Willow , Tara told me all about you. I'm so sorry for your loss.I'm an old friend of the family. Well, part of the family."

My mouth twitches and the tears return. It's the first time anyone said that to me . I'm not counting the guy at the morgue.At least I'm wearing black. The woman starts leading me up a path . Her son is talking to Xander.He's got a weird celtic tattoo between his thumb and forefinger. See? Not coming back...

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm dealing ,the lights are out and the covers are pulled over my head. Elizabeth took me to my room ,and told me to rest.I'm curled up at the edge of the bed because every bed is too big now.

I've decided it's really all about the doors. It started when the gentlemen were about to burst through and cut out our hearts and no one would hear us. I was sitting on the floor across from her and seeing no fear in her face as I tried to move the soda machine. Then Tara took my hand , nodded, and as it slammed into the door I felt something pass between us like electricity.I thought she had beautiful hands you know ,like a medeival statue. Tara didn't just look at me , she saw me.Of course we weren't as successful moving it back but they really needed new linoleum in there anyway.Then there's the dorms door after door and all kinds of people behind them.

If all the doors are created equally the things found behind them are not. The first time I set foot in her room I was kind of intimidated. Me, I had a cute funky room with stuffed animals ,a rat,and witch stuff.Tara's was dark and mysterious and sensual.How could someone so awkward create someething like this? While I'm the one who's always talking ,she's the one sure of what she knows.

In a few weeks she's heard all my stories and I've learned almost nothing about her.Tara listens to me talk about Oz ,and tries to make me feel better but she's the one filling my thoughts not him. Tara can even find good things to say about werewolves ,weird little facts I never heard. I talked about Oz and how hard it was. Not that he was a werewolf or unfaithful ,but that I opened his door one day and he was gone.No note, or a clue for me, or anything to hope for. He left me with nothing after I gave him everything.

That's when I found the door I was searching for all my life. Tara's. When Oz returned and left again , I took her the extra flamey candle because I wanted to show her she was my light in the dark.Luminous. Go towards the light . So I did and when her door opened it's magic for us.

Doors in places that mean new things like our room at Buffy's and I'm now a grown up for the first time.When I close the door it's only us with no monsters just a place to be safe and warm and loved.They're not always good things doors, when she left I watched her through the one in the bathroom and she slipped away without a slam to say goodbye. So quiet I couldn't even hear it.Gone. Later on I'm waiting for her to come out of class ,and doors they get your hopes up and sometimes they wreck them but nothing happens without them.

I see Tara standing in the doorway at Buffy's and at first I thought oh God,this is my dismissal notice but Tara said,"Can you just be kissing me now?" I've never been so happy and grateful.The light falling on her as she moved into the room and praying if this is a dream don't ever wake me. Joyful. Overwhelmed. Amazed.The good kind of terrified.Two days that remade the world for me.Delivered and reborn. Even when we left our room I smile at her leaning on the front door while Dawn jumps around like a giddy spastic duck.

Later ,when the bullet came through the window her blood went on the mirror door of the wardrobe.Bereft and hopeless.Now every doorway in the world is one that she won't stand in , and if you want to know why it doesn't matter it's all about the doors.

[willntlover]

Whoo Hoo! Thank yu so much for the wonderful update!! i so love this fantastic story





-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

[gspiggott]

Disclaimer- characters owned by the evil overlord Joss Whedon.

Rating PG

Story told from POV's

Feedback- feel free but thanks for reading and a big thank you to willntlover.

Summary- Anya vents, Willow finds out a few things ,and bad luck overtakes Jonathan and Andrew.



ANYA

One good thing about a broken heart , it led me back to my true calling. I believe in what I do , and there's a great need for it.Without vengeance demons many people would have no idea about their transgressions. We're in the business of educating humanity ,and sometimes that means turning them into disgusting bugs ,or sending them to alternate dimensions where every day the bear eats them, not the other way around.To think I owe it all to Xander. If he hadn't shattered my heart and destroyed my dreams ,well I would just be the owner of a wrecked magic shop. Funny that Giles and Willow couldn't have taken

their the sword and the stone battle out into main street.

That's human nature for you. They just don't think ,and when it all goes wrong they start whining.Take Giles for instance. First he says he's dying and doesn't have any time left ,and then he and Xander stop Willow from ending the world.Honey please. I've 1120 years experience with this kind of stuff. Willow stopped because she ran out of magic before she ran out of heartbreak.I've seen it happen. But no, it's all Giles the big hero and SuperXander.

I look over the top of my magazine, (Forbes Mutual Fund issue) ,and there's Giles in the hospital bed being a big baby because he doesn't like jello.It's the men who saved the world ,and the women who nod and say yes dear. The insurance agent wants to meet at the shop later and I'm curious about our deductible.I'm the one who takes care of that kind of thing . The everyday practical this is how the world keeps going kind of thing.

The Sunnydale paper attributes the chaos of last night to an earthquake. Typical .After the fight with Glory they had an item on page five about mysterious deaths at a Hobbitt convention.Never found a killer either. But just try and double park ddowntown.We have visitors in the room now, and it's Buffy and Little-Miss-Nimblefingers.O joy. Well, I'm not giving up my chair.

"Giles are you okay?"Buffy sounds concerned for once.

"A few broken ribs, a sprained knee. fractured left wrist, some bruises but really I'm fine. We'll know more after the MRI."He smiles ,and he's really quite an attractive man in an annoying way.

"I'm glad . Any word from Xander?"

"Oddly enough no." Giles tries to sit up and winces.

"He left a message on the answering machine at the shop.He'll be back later. Willow is with him."They are making it difficult for me to concentrate on this article. Market instability has me preoccupied.

"What are we going to do about Willow?" As always Buffy turns to him for direction.

"I need to contact Doss and the coven in Devon. Should we call the police?"Giles fiddles with the jello.

"There's no body." I add to the conversation.I was there I know. Why am I so irritated with them?They are my friends aren't they?When I was human I spent so much of my time trying to analyze my interactions ,and carry myself appropriately. But since I've resumed my vocation -frankly I don't give a rat's ass.No one has said a word about Tara. Who was their friend and mine. Nada,rien,bupkiss, zilch. I knew they would act that way, and I warned her they'll forget all about you. Or me.

It's only what you can do for them.Go here,patrol there, feed,clothe and shelter Dawn while she steals from you so Buffy can have wild sex with Spike.When you die it's not even worth mentioning.

Tara was so nice to them too ,and she's my first friend to die. Not a good experience. When I was with Xander we used to go out to eat as a foursome, and I could kick her under the table when Xander started one of his boring stories of growing up with Willow. Tara would only smile ,and try to look interested. A very kind person ,it will be the death of you I used to tease her. It was. I enjoyed calling Tara ,and saying we want a blender for Christmas ,what do you want and is it on sale anywhere? Unlike the others ,Tara didn't look down on me for being a demon for 1100or so years. I derived a sense of acceptance from that and it was enjoyable.Those days are one with Nineveh and Tyre. To top it all off we're going to hand Willow over to the police.

You know why there are vengeance demons?I'll tell you why ,it's because humans are always doing something that calls for retribution.Hasn't changed in a thousand years.

"She killed somebody. Maybe more than one person."Huffy Buffy.

"Willow's not the only one in this room who can say that."I smile at GIles. Xander told me about Ben. Buffy's got a body count too,and not the kind you read about in Cosmo.

"She tried to kill Dawn." Buffy again.Why she always brings little sister into it when let's face it she's done a terrible job as surrogate parent is beyond me. Dawn will say that louder and faster than anyone.

"You tried to kill me and we didn't make any biggie out of it. Willow just wanted it to stop hurting and..."Dawn is back to her surly self,but I notice that her eyes are swollen and her nose is blotchy. Yay little missy, I think. As a future employee at least we know how to answer that question on the application about stealing.

"I suppose the coven will need to take charge of her and drain her of her powers-"Giles is droning on ,so I put a stop to it.

"Does she get to bury Tara first? It might be a teensy bit more important to her.And me."Timing is everything.

Giles is sputtering. The jello fell off the spoon.

"Yes of course. We should by all means inquire about arrangements ,and see about the body. I doubt there's a will,the legal kind I mean."He's a bit thrown. Good.

"You're too late . Her family claimed the body and they don't want any of us at the burial. Her father said he was afraid of something like this. It's a sad thing when someone like that behaves better than..." I don't even bother to finish the sentence. Instead I look them in the eye one by one . Wouldn't you know only Dawn lowers her eyes and her lip starts wobbling.

"Anya your behavior is uncalled for and your inferences untenable."Giles is raising himself on the bed with the remote. I'm glad to see he won't take this lying down.

"Oh put a sock in it would you? If I didn't bring it up you wouldn't have bothered. Willow knows that. She heard you in the shop laughing when everything was just so funny Mr.who needs frequent flyers I'll just teleport. Not forgetting you Miss I'm so unhappy to be alive, and don't care how much anyone loved or missed me because I was in Heaven.No one was allowed to laugh about that teacher ,or Angel or Joyce ,but life is just a bowl of cherries when it's Willow and someone who was my friend. That's why I helped her escape. It wasn't mind control it was a humanitarian gesture made by a vengeance demon.If Willow had asked for my help I would have given it, but she wanted to do it herself. Her pain was so loud it blew out the bandwidth for every vengeance demon in the world. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.Now if you'll excuse me I have a shopt to run and the profits are up 121% since you left." I close my magazine and walk out of the room Teleporting is for drama queens.



WILLOW

It's dark. I've spent the day with a blanket over my head.My room isn't very big but it's comfy.Overstuffed chair,bed, nice oriental rug squishing between my toes.A desk, but no phone or tv or computer. I'm disconnected from the world. Nice ,but small bathroom and I decide to take a shower . Hot water feels good on my skin. I read somewhere that too much is bad for you ,so lots of hot water for me.

My head hurts, and my eyes are swollen. It's kinda comical to think somebody thought I was beautiful. Tara.

See me now. I can scare little children, isn't that what witches do? Crying as I reach for the big fluffy robe on the back of the door. What am I doing here? Maybe it's the Betty Ford for wayward witches. Time to go back to bed.

A knock and for a moment I panic. Then I remind myself that nothing matters so I may as well answer it.

Wrapped up in the fluffy robe, and when I open the door it's Elizabeth.

"I thought you might want some soup."She's dressed more formally than this morning. To schmooze with the guests in the dining room I imagine.She has a tray in her hands, and a basket under one arm.

"Um . Thanks but I'm really not hungry."Am I trying to smile my face doesn't feel right.

"That's fine.Would you mind if I sat with you awhile?Elizabeth has a very calm smile.

"Oh you know help yourself."I hold the door open and she heads for the chair. The tray is placed on the desk ,and she has a basket of sewing.Oh God.She pulls something out, and pushes her glasses halfway down her nose. What am I supposed to say?

"Aren't you curious why you're here?"Very clear and blue eyes, even if she's in the league of grandmothers.I shrug cause I'm drawing a blank.Elizabeth is setting out embroidery thread ,and the colors flash in the lamplight. She talks to me ,but doesn't try to make me look at her.

"Tara loved you very much. Her mother and grandmother were dear friends of mine. Taught me everything I know about witchcraft.So that makes you practically family.You're welcome to stay here as long as you like as my guest."She's unfolded something it's some kind of needlepoint thing. Elizabeth keeps talking while I sit hunched up on the bed.

"I can't do hand work the way I used to. I like to stay busy at night especially since my husband passed away last year. Did you know Tara's from a long and powerful line of witches? So far back no one knows where it starts. And now you're a part of it.Why don't you try some soup? That's fresh bread, I made it this afternoon." She hands me the tray and keeps chatting.

"I know about the man you killed. I saw it in the runes. Listen to me carefully, Willow. It is not your place to punish him,his fate has been decided by the Others."

"What Others?Who has more right than me? He deserved to die."My eyes are tearing up.

"Those who came before and those whose knowledge is entrusted to us. They have a different fate in store for Warren Mears.He will beg for and be shown all the compassion he deserves." She's totally unruffled.

"He's dead. Sorry I wrecked the plans."

"Plans can sometimes be rearranged ,dear.Warren will have to deal with an ancient and ferocious power.Believe me ,in the end you'll pity him.You will need to perform a spell of restoration to to return Warren to his destiny."

"Not going to happen. "I can't belive what I'm hearing.Anger bubbling under my skin.

"Don't be so hasty. And you will restore Tara to hers. You have a tremendous gift as a witch ,but unfortunately you weren't taught how to use it properly. Willow you've already performed a resurrection spell and this requires no black magic. As you get older you find simpler ways to get things done. You see Magic in its purest form is concerned with balnce and harmony. It won't do to leave Warren's blood on your hands, and it dishonors the memory of someone we love. You're much more than a member of the scoobies so the bar is raised accordingly.

Think it over and don't rush to a decision. You need time to mourn. Back in the dark ages it was perfectly reasonable to fall on the ground and weep for weeks. In today's world you get a few days to show how well you're coping.Get some rest. That's all I can tell you tonight."

"I can't . There's nothing left of me." God isn't it obvious? My voice is wobbling. Elizabeth sets down her needlework and gets out of the chair. Compassion flowing from this little old lady and I can't take it.

"Do you mind if I check?" Standing by the bed as I stare up into her face. She puts her hand out the way Rack did ,but gentler and her eyes never leave mine. When she puts her hand over my heart her hand starts to sizzle and

smoke like cheap bacon.I freak.

"I'm sorry Oh God oh oh God."

"It's fine Willow. It will be gone in a minute. I believe you're wrong there's a great deal left."

Crying now.



NERDS

Jonathan and Andrew got lost in the desert.They suffered from food poisoning ,sunburn and being in the middle of nowhere with no toilet paper. Overhead the sun burned through their soiled black clothing.

"It's not like th trucker asked us where we wanted to stop for lunch.I told you the food was heinous."Jonathan said.

"Stomach pains and this smell is making me hurl. We're already dehydrated and we're wearing black when it's 110." Andrew felt the sole of his sneaker slowly become one with his sock.

"Those vultures are closing in on us."Jonathan replied.He shielded his eyes with his hand.Wings flapped ominously to their right.

"So stop being Dorkhead of Arabia and conjure up something that will help us."Andrew whined.

"It's not that simple. There's poop on my magic bone. It may not work anymore."

"Dude ,if you don't try I will. Oh ,there's a disturbance in the force again." Andrew crouched too close to a cactus and the air became even more noxious. Jonathan gripped the cleanest edge of the magic bone ,and closed his eyes before incanting.A minute later the wind shifted ,and a car wash materialized before them.

"Hello Turkish bath much more useful."Andrew scoffed.

"We need something with a more powerful rinse cycle ,and this requires the least amount of time so get in."Jonathan headed into the car wash ,and the light changed to green.Wash cycle.

"Oh I get it. It's not what we want but what we need."Andrew followed Jonathan inside as the water sprayed them providing much needed relief. Behind them the sinoom, the poison wind,rose up out of the desert unobserved as the sign mysteriously changed to Hot Wax.

[pacou]

Hmm, very interesting!



I really like it that Joyce is there! She was such a great mother.



this fic is quite strange, but in the thrilling and interesting kind of way I really like that Willow is recovering in the house of Tara's friend...



Thank you! Will we see more soon? I hope so...



-Viv-

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Don't dream it, be it

Rocky Horror Picture Show

[gspiggott]

Disclaimer- characters belong to Joss Whedon I'm just borrowing them.

Spoilers- Through season sux

Rating -PG

Feedback - Feel free but thank you for reading

Summary-Tara is offered a choice and Willow's powers are tested.



TARA

I've thought of this every day since she died,only now it's really her voice and she's not sick.I'm crying because there's so much I want to know and so much I never got to say. And I've tried to be someone she could be proud of and it's so hard without her.



She's holding my face in her hands and studying me.

"You're so grown up now."

Before she died she didn't recognize me...



"Mom! I've missed you so much." I don't ever want to let go. When I left home I planted wild thyme on her grave.

I never went back to check on it...



"Can you forgive me?" She's hesitant with me.

My mother taught me magic when I was little...



"For what?" I don't understand. They told me she was evil but to me she was the Lady of the Lake...



"I didn't protect you. I wasn't there and you had such responsibilities." It's so good to hear her voice again.

She won't meet my eyes. I closed hers for her in the hospital while Donnie cried and my father stared at the monitor by the bed.



"Mom. There's nothing to forgive. I love you." I hold on tighter. She's the way I remember her before things got bad. I wish Willow could have known her.



"You had some information you wanted to bring to our attention." Azrael tapped his fingers against the binding of the book.For a celestial being he's very business like.



"She suffered because of me. They told her she was evil and unworthy of love and it's because of what I taught her."My mother juts her chin out and I think of Willow and her resolve face.

My mother takes her turn by the pool and I see our house but I don't watch. It's like a movie that starts really well and then falls apart in the last few reels.Saw it the first time. Rupert flinches at one point and pats me on the shoulder. They can tell me when it's over but for me the true ending was my leaving and going off to school in Sunnydale.

I lean over to Rupert,"It had a happy ending I promise."



"Didn't last , Miss. I would like to see more of the happy parts."He sighed. He's wiping his eyes on his coat sleeve.For a military man he's a big mush.



Susannah turns to me,"We have seen enough. You may wait outside while we consider our course of action."



Rupert leads us outside.My mother and Joyce are chatting. I guess they do know each other so I think of Dawn and smile.Rupert is gazing up at the stars.



"Do they have blue skies and sunlight here too?" I'm curious.



""Oh everything you can think of and it takes a bit to get used to it. You do though."He stands very straight with his hands behind his back. Dark reddish hair tied back in a pigtail.



"Right now I like Polynesian spring."Joyce added.



"Have you tried the Northern Lights?" My mother asked Joyce ,and then touched Rupert on the arm,"I don't believe we've met. Anna Maclay."



He bows from the waist just like in Jane Austen. I always wanted to see someone do that when I was alive.

"I'm sorry, please forgive my rudeness. Captain Rupert George Tancred Fitzwilliam Giles 33rd Foot Guards .Served with distinction in India , Spain and Austria. Dead at Waterloo.An Imperial Guardsman. I killed him as well and now we play chess. At your service."



Funny ,I knew there was something familiar about him.The smile is the same but this Giles is darker than the one I knew.

They want us to come back in and now I'm scared. My mother holds my hand as we go back into the room.



Susannah reads from one of her parchments.

"Tara Maclay you have earned the eternal light of the compassionate and the rest of the wise. But we find your death to be needless and the consequences undeserved.Therefore if you wish to remain here you have our blessing. If you wish to return you have our blessing ,but you will be tested. We have to protect ourselves in these matters."



"And Willow?" I can't believe I'm mouthing off in Heaven.



""Child ,consider what you're about to sacrifice."Susannah's voice was gentle.



"I can't leave her like that."I'm watching my mother pleading with her to understand.I think she does.



"Willow has trials of her own to face."Susannah said but for some reason she doesn't seem as intimidating as before.



My mother turns to me,"Trust in Her ,have you forgotten what I taught you?"



This is my chance and I close my eyes and my knees are shaking but I manage to say,"Thank you ,but I'd like to return."



Rupert blows his nose into a handkerchief and smiles at my mother and Joyce."You're the first one I've met that gets another chance. I've been waiting nearly two hundred years for this."



Azrael opened his book and began flipping through the pages while scribbling with his quill.

"We will have to reschedule your death of course ,so let's see what's available.Love can be very trying for a recording angel .But it rules the Heavens above and earth below, or so the poets are forever saying."

He continued to skim through the pages furrowing his brow and shaking his head.An Angel is muttering to himself because of me.



"S-Sorry." Now I'm lying to Angels.



"Goodluck and Godspeed." Azrael said. Then he did something kind of odd. He showed me his book so I could see what was written. The others in the room gasped.

I smiled at him and he finally smiled. Very sweetly.





WILLOW

I'm having a fire drill in my head and lining up all my memories,sshh no talking til I call your name and stay in an orderly single file line where I can see you...Hey, I didn't call you,get back in line. I'm busy with my past now , no time for distractions.

I'm a powerful witch and they had to send Giles to fight me and Buffy to offer platitudes. Xander and crayons musn't forget.The world is wrecked and it's back to the beginning. Big Bad Me.That's not what I want to focus on though. You there, come here.



I'm a witch but Tara's an enchantress. I make pencils float and she transforms matter. Without her I was unseen and unknown. After her I was clearly defined and sure of myself for the first time in my life.

Not just me ...

Last summer Dawnie had dreams about Joyce coming

back and leaving again and she's crying at breakfast.

I feel so bad for her but I don't know what to do. Tara does. Always.Sitting across from Dawn she asks if she ever dreams that Joyce is jumping off high places and wandering into traffic. Dawn says yes and Tara says she has those dreams about her mom.

Tara describes her dreams about Mrs. Maclay showing up at the dorm wanting to go back to school.She's a little surprised at things. Miss Kitty our stealth pet and Amy who was a person once and me.

Her mom has decided to move in the dorm room ,she always brings a suitcase in the dream. Tara pauses and then says her mom always wanted another daughter.

The two of them are laughing ,so I join in but I'm not sure why. After Joyce died the kitchen counter was buried under an avalanche of casseroles. When Dawn mopes Tara threatens to make her one ,and Dawn guffaws. I'm in awe.



Tara's an alchemist she can turn base metal into gold.When Spike comes over to see Dawn he helps Tara with the dishes after dinner.In the dining room he's the punk thug who would take your last nickel and leave you to die ,while yammering about his cheap booze and terrible taste in tv shows.In the kitchen with her he's talking about hearing Yeats read his own poems and debates at the Fabian society. He doesn't sound like the Spike I know, this must be what he was when he was human.But as soon as anyone else sees it he reverts back to Passions and wheedling.



With Anya she never gets mad no matter how tactless Anya is ,and that's saying something.I say she acts like a child ,but she says no Anya is a tabula rasa.



But her most powerful magic is with me ,and she takes away the pain I've carried my whole life and it evaporates. I don't remember it ,I only think how lucky I am. Was. Will never be again.So many magic spells in latin and so many declensions to learn.

I don't have any magic in me anymore. Past tense.



A knock on my door and it's mid morning.Elizabeth comes in with something in her hand and is unfazed at finding me on the floor in a fetal position. She closes the door quietly.



"Have you given any thought to what we talked about last night?" Elizabeth has one arm behind her back.



Thinking hurts so I avoid it,that way reminiscing is the only thing on my agenda.

"I don't think I can do any kind of spell even if I wanted to and I don't." I tell her. What does it take to reach this weird old woman?



"Willow I want you to see if you can do a little magic for me."Elizabeth is waatching me casually.



"I can't . I'm all tapped out.Giles drained me. White against black like chess.I lost."



"You think that's how it works?Who taught you and I hope you realize they were grossly unqualified?"



"Nobody really. Giles some, and we had a techno pagan computer teacher in high school but she died.Tara tried to ,but I kept saying it was science and she said it was art as well as religion.Giles and his coven took game ,match and set. I can feel that it's gone."



"Really Willow, it is religion and it is an art in the old fashioned sense.You're confusing it with a game of tag."

If this was a baseball game she blew a fastball by my chin. Beneath the glasses and the pearls there's something sharp in her. She's relaxed as she continues,

"Willow will you humor an old lady?"



"Humor's not exactly my strong point these days."



"Poor choice of words on my part. Do you think you could move the doorstop?"Her smile is careful.



"No." I'm so weak and she wants me to swim when I want to sink.The doorstop is a black cat made out of iron. Must weigh ...lots. Like a bowling ball.



"Are you sure?"Elizabeth pulls a manila folder from behind her back and holds it towards me.



"Yes. What's that?"I'm not sure I trust her and I can't figure her out.



"Something I've been searching for and I want you to have it. Old pictures of Tara and her mother and grandmother. I kept meaning to send them to her but I couldn't remember where I put them.From the time she was a baby until she was about sixteen, my husband took most of them he was very fond of her. I've been wondering where they were and they were in my desk the whole time."



Elizabeth's voice is chatty but that manila folder is suddenly the most important thing in the world to me.I feel my breath getting deeper as I stare at it. I look in her eyes and touch the plain folder with the promise of an unknown world and a link to what is gone.

Before I know it the iron doorstop has flown across the room and lodged into the wall with a crash.A shower of splinters across the floor.The blue sky now visible through thin cracks in the wall.The sound is loud enough to scare the person in the next room and now there's frantic pounding at the door.



"Don't worry dear. My son in law Jerry is a contractor.Magic like love doesn't disappear so easily. That's your first lesson."

[slayer747]

interesting fic... hope you keep us updated. really nice.:P

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"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[xita]

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