New Fic: There's Only Today

[Willowtree252]

The way you are doing this fic is true to life .please more soon my heart cant take it. I love the way thay are together.always there for each other!

[tarebear]

OMG!

Suddenly, Tara’s body seemed to go limp, her hands dropped into the tub and her head nearly slipped from Willow’s shoulder. Willow immediately put her hands on Tara’s pulse point.

Her heart sank at what she discovered.

these words will haunt me until the time you update! i don't even want to really think about what you want me to think regarding the ending of this chapter... i don't even want to think about it or i'll most probably

update soon please!

[Hers Always]

no update yet. just some replies. update should be soonish.



SithLordWiccan – you should have a lot of self confidence. You are an exceptional write and beta. I am so very lucky you like my story enough to be my beta. I always appreciate your input. I am glad that you like how I am portraying the characters. I’m trying to stay true to their characters on Buffy, and kind of incorporate things from my own experience as well. Willow will always love Tara, and will never see her as anything less, no matter what. And I really hope that it is going where I want it to. Thank you.


hahler – oooh enthralling? I’m glad you are reading. Thank you.

BigBlueEyes – Yeah, I had to stop there. Isn’t it a rule to leave really big cliffhangers at the end of an update? No? Oops, I guess I read it wrong. Well I hope you still read so you can have peace of mind.

cantbefredless – I know I’m evil. Well, I’m not so evil. Thank you for reading though, I hope to keep you and everyone else interested.

Dianneswillowtree – I’m glad you appreciate the reality. Cancer is not a beautiful thing, It is not something that I think should be glossed over and romanticized. It’s real, and ugly, and painful. Thank you for reading my fic. I hope you enjoy the rest.

tarebear – don’t cry, I will have an update soonish, I just sent the first part to my beta. Hang on, I hope you like what comes next.

[Hers Always]

alright everyone thank SithLordWiccan for being so quick to beta. I am posting the next part. I hope you can enjoy it.

Nothing ever turns out the way you want it. There are moments in life that are perfect, beautiful and make you forget that there is anything wrong in the world. But these are just moments, and they pass as quickly as a leaf in the wind. Then the world comes rushing back at you with full force. Time does not give you the luxury of slowing down, or even stopping to let you catch your breath. No, time moves forward even when your whole world seems to be coming down around you.

“911 Emergency.”

“My girlfriend just passed out. She has cancer. I don’t know what’s wrong. We were…well she was fine but not really fine and I don’t know what to do. She isn’t breathing but I can feel a pulse. I think her heart is going to stop because it is beating really really slow and I can hardly hear it if I try to listen….”

“Sir, it’s okay, just calm down. Breathe.”

“Ma’am.”

“I’m sorry?”

”Ma’am, if we’re being formal, I’m a girl.”

“Oh.”

“Please. What do I do?”

“What is your address?”

“1630 Revello Drive.”

“You say she isn’t breathing?”

“No, she isn’t.”

“Administer C.P.R. No chest compressions just breathe for her.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t forget to breathe yourself; the ambulance is on the way.”

Willow just nodded, “Please stay with me. Stay until the ambulance gets here.”

“Of course ma’am.”

Willow put the phone on speaker and placed it on the floor. She laid Tara flat on the carpet, tilted her head back and pinched her nose. She leaned in and placed her lips upon her lover’s. “Cold.” She breathed a puff of air. And another. And another. She continued to breathe for her lover until she heard people running up the stairs.

Willow gingerly placed a hand on her lover’s cheek. “C’mon baby. I need you, don’t go yet. Please.” Tears begin to trickle down Willow’s cheek as she realizes that this might be the end. She felt hands around her as she was moved out of the way by the paramedics.

“I can’t feel a pulse. C’mon let’s get her breathing!” One of the paramedic yelled to the other.

Buffy followed the paramedics into the room. She had been downstairs watching TV when they had knocked on the door asking for a Willow Rosenberg. She pointed upstairs and ran after them as they stepped inside and made their way up to the second floor not knowing what was going on. Once in the room, Buffy immediately ran to Willow and hugged her. Willow was very unfocused, almost comatose, but awake. Buffy sat Willow on the bed and just held her.

“What happened Will?” she asked as she rubbed the redhead’s arm, not knowing how else to provide comfort for her friend.

With no emotion in her voice that Buffy could pick up, Willow responded, “We…We were taking a bath and she just kind of…went limp. I picked her up and got her dressed. Then I called 911. I didn’t want them to come and have her be naked. It’s so exposing, so undignified to be naked and helpless. That’s all she wanted. To keep her dignity. She didn’t feel that she had much left. So I had to at least give her that. You know?” Willow looked toward Buffy, asking for understanding.

“Yeah Will, I know. But what happened?”

“I don’t know. She stopped breathing just after I called 911. I breathed for her though. Her heart kept beating. It was strange. But she is…she is alive.”

A paramedic interrupted the girls, “Does one of you want to ride, or do you want to follow?”

Willow spoke up, “I’ll ride.”

After they had reached the hospital, Willow waited in the waiting room while the doctor’s took the love of her life into the Emergency Room. A few minutes later, Buffy arrived with news that Xander and Anya are on the way. Dawn is going to stay with Giles. Willow didn’t say anything, just laid her head on Buffy’s shoulder and closed her eyes.

A couple of hours later, Willow was allowed to go in and see Tara. She stepped into the room and almost collapsed. So many things were hooked up to her baby. After a while the doctor came in.

“Tara is severely dehydrated from the vomiting and the diarrhea. We have her hooked up to an I.V. to re-hydrate her. She should be awake within an hour. We are not sure why Tara stopped breathing entirely, so we are going to observe her overnight to make sure that everything is okay. If all goes well, she will most likely be able to go home tomorrow.”

Willow just looked up at the doctor, “Thank you.”

“If you need anything, just buzz the nurse. I’ll be back tomorrow. Doctor McKinney will be the doctor on duty for the rest of the evening.”

“Okay.”

Thirty minutes later, Tara woke up to the sound of beeping and very cold air.

“Willow?” Tara’s hand found her lover’s hair and began to run her fingers through it. “Willow, baby?”

Willow did not quite believe her ears. She had fallen asleep after the doctor left and had just laid her head down on Tara’s bed. When she realized that Tara is awake, she brought her head up quickly to see with her own eyes.

“Baby! Oh Goddess, do not do that again. You scared me.” Willow began to lay kisses all over Tara’s face, neck, anything and everything that she can.

Tara smirks, “What happened? Um, baby?”

“Yes love?”

“Is there any way you can find me a hat? My head is really cold.” Tara just smiled. She wasn’t really that cold. But she just wanted Willow to feel useful. Most of the time, Tara didn’t need something, but she realized that Willow felt helpful when she can do even little things for her.

“Oh, of course baby, I’ll be right back.” Willow rushed to the nurse’s station and asked for a beanie or something to keep Tara’s head warm.

On the way back to the room, Willow remembered that her friends are still out in the waiting room so she went and told them that Tara was awake. The group followed her back to Tara’s room. They each had either flowers or stuffed animals.

After making sure that Tara was okay, they all went home, since Tara did not want them spending the rest of the day in a depressing hospital. No one wanted to go, but Tara’s resolve face was almost as scary as Willow’s, so the group relented and went home.

[cantbefredless]

Nothing ever turns out the way you want it. There are moments in life that are perfect, beautiful and make you forget that there is anything wrong in the world. But these are just moments, and they pass as quickly as a leaf in the wind. Then the world comes rushing back at you with full force. Time does not give you the luxury of slowing down, or even stopping to let you catch your breath. No, time moves forward even when your whole world seems to be coming down around you.

That right there made me cry..... Wow such powerful word thoughout this story.. now im going to go lay down and cry, this update was sad but happy at the same time... love it love it love it ance !!!!

[SithLordWiccan]

SithLordWiccan – you should have a lot of self confidence. You are an exceptional write and beta. I am so very lucky you like my story enough to be my beta. I always appreciate your input.

I'm glad that you think that way (though I can't help but notice and comment that despite how you feel, you haven't left feedback for either of my fics as of yet ). And I'm glad to be of help. Helping (and reading) this fic has gotten some plot bunnies of my own forming. And I want to thank you for that.

I am glad that you like how I am portraying the characters. I’m trying to stay true to their characters on Buffy, and kind of incorporate things from my own experience as well.

It shows. It really does. Normally I don't get teary about this sort of stuff, but I can be completly honest and say that everytime I read this fic (and every time I get an update) I really feel like crying by the time I finish reading it.

I really have to say YAY that Tara's getting better, though I really hope she doesn't get too better too quickly. I know she can't die, given the Kitten rules and all, but I'd kinda like to see our girls suffer for a bit. (Which is funny, considering I don't enjoy W/T angst. Maybe its cause I know everything will turn out well in the end...)

[Willowtree252]

even thou I have not lived through any of this you are able to put us right there besides willow and tara . no mater what there love will shine through.

[BigBlueEyes]

Oh that was so cute and sad but so cute. I love it. More, more, more!!!!! Please? I love this story.

[Aine]

Really really awesome. I like the fact that you don't pretty the story up. You keep it real and as sad as this story is, it's refreshing. keep on going. can't wait to read more.

[Willowlover]

This story is unbelievable. It's so sad and yet inspiring to see how hard Willow is trying to help Tara. Reading this story I'm close to tears and having some trouble breathing. It's awsome please write more.

[histchic]

I'm getting not so good vibes from Tara being in the hospital alone. Hopefully, nothing too bad angsty will happen we hope? Loving the journey you are taking us on, and really liked the bit of theorizing at the beginning of the post. I look forward to more.

Toodles, take care.
Beth

[Hers Always]

hey everyone, thank you so much for reading. i will leave personal replies later, i just wanted to get this posted.

note 1: thank you to my fabulous beta, without you this story would be poo. you are really awesome, and very fast to respond. so...thank you


read note at bottom after reading post



3 days later

“I can’t leave her alone Buffy. It’s…I just can’t. She has to be under constant supervision. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Willow looked down at the porcelain face of the woman in front of her. She was lying on the table so peacefully after having spent the past several years under such stress. And she really was an amazing woman. “I just wish I could have gotten to know her more,” Willow thought as she dipped a washcloth into some water.

She began to wash the body tenderly. After she was finished, Willow wrapped the body in white linen, said a prayer, and waited. The body could not be left alone. Willow was not a practicing Jew; she practiced Wicca. But there were traditions and things she had been taught that she just could not let go of. It didn’t matter if they are Jewish traditions or not. They were a part of her.

A few hours later, Willow’s father came to take over the watch. She was grateful; her battle against sleep rapidly drawing to an end. She went to the next room and fell asleep on the makeshift bed, listening to her father read the Psalms. Tomorrow when she woke up, reality was really going to set in, and she really needed to be rested.

*************************************************

Willow looked into the mirror. She wore a simple black dress that she felt was appropriate for the occasion. She turned to her father and tried to shed a few tears, but she couldn’t. Supposedly, she was supposed to love her unconditionally. But all she could think about was Tara, and how these past few months had been really been difficult for the both of them.

The funeral was a closed casket, as Jewish law considered an open casket to be disrespectful to the dead. There was only one simple rose laid upon the casket. Willow couldn’t bear not having at least one flower. But she didn’t want flowers from the mourners. She asked them to make contributions to a charity.

It is what she would’ve wanted.

Willow walked up to the Rabbi at the beginning of the service. He tore off a piece of her left sleeve. Several other family members in the room do the same, tearing from their right sleeve.

After the prayers and the lowering of the casket, Willow took a handful of earth and dropped it onto the casket.

The funeral was a beautiful; sad, but beautiful. People were leaving and Willow walked over to the grave, and she looked down at the simple pine box six feet below her.

“Goodbye, Mom.”








I promise this will make sense in the next update. but i think it really was important. i tried really hard to get the details right for the funeral. seeing as how i have only ever been to one jewish funeral, which is what the post is based on. but for anyone who is offended that i didn't do something right, please let me know and i will fix it.

[SithLordWiccan]

thank you to my fabulous beta, without you this story would be poo. you are really awesome, and very fast to respond. so...thank you

It's all you, man. All I do is just correct the odd word.

[cantbefredless]

omg you had me thinking tara died... very great job!!! now im teary eye....love it love it love it!!!!!.....poor willow is going through so much right now...

~Stef

[willohand]

omg dont do that.I was like omg taradiedand oh shit I was about to lose it. I just read this in one sitting.

[BigBlueEyes]

I thought Tara died and I was going to have to hurt you. Just kidding. That was a good post. I can't wait for more!

[tarebear]

wow! those last two chapters have been amazing to read... i understand how willow must feel about just how difficult her situation is with tara's condition... feeling helpless... not being able to help cure her love...

Most of the time, Tara didn’t need something, but she realized that Willow felt helpful when she can do even little things for her.

i salute tara for not only being brave through all this but also focused on willow's concerns as well.

in your last update, you got me concerned as to who willow could be referring to, but as soon as there was mention of her father, i knew it must be her mom... wow! it must be such a blow to willow to have her mom die in the midst of tara's battle with cancer.

i hope to see more of this wonderful story soon... and kudos to sith for the wonderful betaing he's been doing for you.

[AlysonGoddess]

Yay! Great updates at first i thought the funeral was taras so i was all noooooooooo but then i say willows mom so i was like oh ok haha even tho its still sad but u almost made me cry because i thought it was tara grr haha but whatever! Great couple updates.. sorry i havent been replying lately ive been on vacation.. so yeah great update update soon pretty plz
Erin

[Willowlover]

Holy crap. I swear on all that I hold dear that my heart actually stopped fo a minute. That was a beautiful update. sad and tear enducing but good non the less.

[love_2003]

at first i thought that was tara's funeral. you tricked me. it was very well written and beautiful.
please don't let tara die. she just can't.


love_2003

[Hers Always]

SithLordWiccan: I can always count on your support. You are awesome!!!
cantbefredless: I know the whole point was to trick my readers. I had to keep you guys interested somehow.
willohand: I'm sorry. i hope you liked the update and the story anyhow.
BigBlueEyes: well i figured if I had Tara die, there would be alot of pain on my end, and my readers end. I do not wish to inflict harm to myself of others, but maybe a slight irritation. ;P
tarebear: thank you. I've always seen Tara as strong and compassionate. Willow needs her just as much as she needs Willow. Cancer is hard for anyone involved, even if they are not the hosts. And yes MANY MANY kudos to my fabulous beta!!! hehehe. You should let him know, I think he would like it.
AlysonGoddess: Glad you enjoyed the rollercoaster. No worries about replying. as apparrently i have also been on a brief hiatus.
Willowlover:Well I didn't mean to stop your heart, but atleast it started back up, eh?
love_2003: Tara won't die. This story is going to be mostly sad, but Tara will live. Promise. I am the writer, so I know these things.

Note: I know the chapter is a bit short, but it was about all I could muster. I hope you enjoy the read.

Note2: Thank you Sith. You are the awesomestiful beta ever. See? I even made up a word just to suit your fabulousness.

On with the story....

*********************************************

They say “It’s always darkest before dawn.” No one knows who ‘they’ are. And no one knows how long the darkness lasts. No one really knows if the light they see is truly dawn or just a candle that will soon burn out. Sometimes it’s worse to see that flicker of hope to only to get their hearts broken again. For the true dawn waits…or so we are told.

*****

It’s been two months since Mrs. Rosenberg’s funeral. Every following Sunday, Willow went to her father’s for brunch. Tara went a few times but realized that she got bored easily listening to the two geniuses discussing some computer speak that Tara swore was a separate language. So after the first couple of times, Tara had asked Willow if she could have go with her anymore.

After the death of her mother, Willow and her father began to talk two and three times a week in addition to their weekly meeting. Ira felt so guilty that he has not paid enough attention to his family and that Willow was not able to receive the love from neither himself nor her mother that she deserved. He was determined to do his best to make up for what he’s missed.

“Tara! I’m home!”

“I’m upstairs, Darling.” Tara called out as she finished washing her face.

“Okay! I’m just gonna lay on the couch all sexy-like ‘till you come down,” Willow smiled. Things were pretty okay in her world. Tara has been getting stronger and her hair is beginning to grow back. It is very thin, but Willow thinks that she is still so beautiful. Her friends have been there for her. Her father is back in her life. To Willow’s surprise, her father is…well, not a comedian, but he has a sense of humor that she has never been witness to.

While Willow was lost in her thoughts, her lover was preparing a sneak attack. Hands out in a claw-like fashion, Tara crept towards her Willow. Eventually, she pounced on the redhead and began to tickle her. Both girls erupted in a fit of laughter. There had not been so much laughter since the dreadful day of Tara’s diagnosis.

“I love you.” Both girls confessed at the same time.

Willow brought her hand up to Tara’s cheek, gently stroking her thumb across the smooth surface of her lover’s skin. Their eyes locked as they smiled. Willow pulled Tara’s lips to her own and kissed her. More kisses followed as Tara laid her head on Willow’s chest, listening to her heartbeat.

Tara’s fingertips found their way under Willow’s shirt and begin to travel up her lover’s side, sending a tingling rush throughout Willow’s body.

Again, the girls made eye contact and their breathing began to deepen. Both sets of eyes turned a shade darker than their natural color and showed more love than they have ever shown before. Tara lowered herself onto her lover and touched her lips to Willow’s passionately.

*****

Outside there were two children riding there bikes passed the house. The world will never know the love that went on in that house that day. Or the pain of what is to come.

[will]

Hey I love your story, it's really good.

It's a very sad story but I know they're going to have a happy ending and I'm looking foward to see how. The last line of this update kind of scare me I wonder what will happen to them next.

Can't wait for the next update.

[BigBlueEyes]

YAY for updates. I can't wait for more!!! Also yay for . Keep up the good work.

[Thianne]

pain that there is to come? not good.....you know , i have a new understanding of this story now, and it's really pulling at my heartstrings...

[SithLordWiccan]

Things are great now, but something tells me it won't stay that way.

[MissMaclay89]

Or the pain of what is to come...what?...pain?...no pain...please let there not be pain!! Please update soon!!!

[Willowlover]

Well I didn't mean to stop your heart, but atleast it started back up, eh?

Its all good. Its good to read stuff that does that sometimes. Thank you for updating i really like how youve done this story.