Well here is the next installment. Thanks for reading everyone, I hope you are enjoying it.
Title: ?
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me except the ones I made up.
‘Could life possibly get any worse?’ Willow thought turning over in her bed. It had been three days since she had seen the beautiful blonde and she had yet to get her off her mind. She couldn’t figure out what the deal was. Why was this girl stuck in her mind? It was enough already, she had hardly slept, she hadn’t gone out of her house, she hadn’t even talked to Buffy on the phone. What was she supposed to say to her? ‘Hey, Buff, you know that hot blonde we saw the other day… I’ve been having some dirty thoughts about her, completely natural, but still naughty thoughts,’ Willow thought. ‘Yeah, that will go over well. What does it even mean? Does it mean that I’m gay? I’ve never been gay before, well there was that one time… no this had never happened before,’ Willow thought shaking her head. ‘There must be some other explanation for all this. There has to be another reason that I’m thinking all these things, and I need to think of it fast. There’s only so long I can pretend to be sick and ignore my friends. I could do another two weeks easy, but once school starts that just complicates everything. Think, think… I know there is some simple explanation for this. That’s it,’ Willow thought bolting upright in the bed. ‘It’s Xander. I can’t stop thinking about this girl because of Xander. He’s clearly obsessed with her and because I’m obsessed with him, than I’m obsessed with her too. It’s some kind of obsession transfer. How could I have not seen this before? It’s so blatantly obvious. I have to call Buffy.’ Willow jumped up out of her bed and ran to the phone; she hurriedly dialed Buffy’s number.
“Hello.”
“Buffy, I have to tell you something,” Willow said excitedly into the receiver.
“Okay,” Buffy said. She hadn’t heard from Willow in a few days and now she was receiving this very strange phone call.
“I’m okay, that is to say I’m perfectly normal,” Willow beamed.
“Okay…ummm… Will, where is this coming from?”
“I was having some trouble, but I’ve worked it all out and I’m okay, so I’m ready to show myself in public again. Come on let’s go and do something.”
“What were you having trouble with?” Buffy asked, not entirely sure she was following the conversation.
“Okay… remember that girl we walked by the other day,” Willow paused waiting for Buffy to acknowledge she knew what Willow was talking about. “Well, I couldn’t stop thinking about her, no matter how hard I tried she just wouldn’t leave my mind, and I was thinking some pretty naughty stuff,” Willow admitted, her cheeks growing red even though there was no one there to see her. “But I figured out that I was just thinking that way because Xander is so into her and I’m so into Xander so it just transferred, so all is good… let’s go to the espresso pump.”
“So you were having like… girl on girl thoughts about the blonde girl?” Buffy asked trying to hide her disgust at the thought.
“Yeah, but its all okay. So do you wanna go?”
“I’m not sure I’m following your theory is all,” Buffy said, her face screwed up in concentration. “You think you are thinking these things because Xander likes this girl, right?”
“Exactly.”
“So when Xander was all crazy about me, you had thoughts about…”
“Oh God no, Buffy I’ve never thought anything like that about you,” Willow jumped in.
“So… how is your little theory true?”
“Well… I gotta go,” Willow said her good mood quickly turning bad. Obviously this was not a good thing to share with Buffy. She hadn’t really anticipated Buffy examining her conclusion and tearing it apart the way she did. Now she was not at all confident about anything anymore and she just felt completely and utterly horrible.
“No, come on Will, we can go to the espresso pump,” Buffy said wishing she hadn’t over thought the situation.
“No, I don’t feel like going anymore. Don’t worry, Buffy, I’m not upset with you or anything. I just need to think some more. I’ll call you tomorrow,” Willow said hanging up before Buffy had a chance to say anything else. Willow flopped back down on her bed. Just five minutes ago everything had been crystal clear, and now she was right back where she started from; confused. Buffy was right, if it was some kind of transference why hadn’t it happened before? Maybe it wasn’t that at all. Maybe it was simply the fact that there was a new girl in town, a girl that she knew nothing about. True when Buffy moved there none of that happened either, but then she had pretty much met Buffy right away and didn’t have time to think anything that wasn’t true about her. This blonde was a complete mystery. Maybe, just maybe if Willow went over there and met her she wouldn’t be thinking any of these things because she would know her. Getting up the courage to go and meet was another thing all together. It would be so much easier if she could just go with Buffy and Xander, but that just wasn’t going to work. She needed to do this by herself. She stood up and cast a glance at herself in the mirror. ‘I look terrible,’ she thought trying to straighten her tangled hair. ‘I guess three days in bed will do that to you,’ Willow thought heading to the bathroom for a quick shower before she went to the meet the mysterious blonde.
Tara heard the truck pull out of the drive and breathed a deep sigh of relief. Her father would be gone the rest of the day and well into the night which relaxed everybody in the house, even Tara’s mother had taken a seat on the sofa which she rarely ever did. The girls were happily running around the house glad to be able to put off their chores for a little bit, and the boys were happily doing the same. Donnie had retreated to his bedroom to play his guitar. Tara was wishing the walls were a little thicker as the strains were filtering through the house and giving her a headache. Since everyone else seemed to be enjoying their down time, Tara decided to grab a book and head outside to the front lawn to read. She threw a blanket down on the grass and lay down to read. That was the plan anyway… she soon found herself laying there thinking about the cute redhead. She had been doing that a lot in these past few days. Usually she didn’t develop a crush until she knew the girl, this was a crush based solely on physical attraction. In Tara’s opinion this girl was hot. She had the most beautiful long red hair Tara had ever seen, and she was just so petite, so little it was just… cute. Tara had often wanted to be that little herself, but according to her mom she was blessed with birthing hips and that wasn’t a bad thing. She knew she wasn’t fat by any stretch of the word, but she had always just wanted to be petite. Even the word was nice. She imagined the redhead had a nice sounding name like petite. Not that she thought petite made a nice name, it was just nice to say and she imagined the redhead’s name would be nice to say too. Tara shifted a little; her back was still incredibly painful. It seemed to get stiffer and stiffer every day instead of getting better. Her mother had put some sort of natural herbal remedy on it. She always had some kind of herbal remedy for any kind of injury or sickness that they got. She always waited until their father wasn’t around to use any of it though.
“Hi.”
Tara shot up, completely startled by the unfamiliar voice. Her blue eyes starred straight into the green eyes of the redhead. “Hi,” Tara replied meekly.
“I walked by the other day with my friends, and just wanted to come over and introduce myself. I’m Willow.”
“Yeah, I saw you walk by. I’m Tara.”
“Reading?”
“Not really,” Tara admitted giving a shy smile.
“I don’t blame you really; it’s a beautiful day. I love to read and even I couldn’t read on a day like today,” Willow said smiling brightly.
“Do you want to sit down?” Tara asked making room on the blanket, and becoming very self conscience about what she was wearing. She had thrown on an old pair of shorts and a tank top that was getting to be much too small. She was scared that the bruises on her back might be showing.
“Thanks,” Willow said sitting down next to Tara. “So where did you move from?”
“We moved from Texas,” Tara said shifting yet again trying to find the best position to hide her back completely, but still not show too much of her front either. She looked like she could burst right out of her shirt. “My dad is in the military, we move a lot.”
“Bummer,” Willow said trying hard not to look at Tara’s chest which was showing so wonderfully in her shirt. Her eyes kept drifting toward her cleavage. “I’ve lived here my whole life. I saw you had a brother, I don’t have any siblings, and it must be cool.”
“It’s okay,” Tara said not really sure if she wanted to tell Willow exactly how many siblings she had. Although with everyone being home it would be fairly hard to hide. “I actually have a lot of siblings,” Tara said deciding to come clean. “Donnie, my brother you saw the other day, he’s the oldest, then me, then there’s Jake, Caleb, Will, Katy, Lily, Christopher, and Dillon.”
“Wow,” Willow said. “That’s a lot of brothers and sisters.”
“Yeah,” Tara shrugged, “but you get used to it.”
“I think it might fun to be part of a big family. It’s just me and my mom and dad, and they really aren’t home all that much. I’m alone a lot, unless I’m with Buffy and Xander, my best friends. Buffy just moved here last year, actually.”
“Really? And she fit in here?” Tara asked nervously.
“Well… to be honest not really. That is to say… Xander and I really don’t fit in here and we’ve been here forever. This probably isn’t making you want to hang out with me. I just admitted to you that I’m a loser,” Willow said blushing profusely.
“I guess it’s only fair that I tell you, I’m a card carrying member of that club too.” Tara was rather impressed with her ability to hold it together enough to be witty. “So what does it take to fit in around here?”
“Money, trendy clothes, money,” Willow said laughing. “But hey, you know, you can hang with us, I mean me and Buffy and Xander. We may not be the coolest kids on the block, but we’re nice and we know how to have fun. Have you ever been to the espresso pump?”
“No, I haven’t been anywhere yet,” Tara said.
“Hey, do you want to go right now?”
“I can’t,” Tara said. “I have to stay here and help my mom with the kids. I don’t really get much of a chance to do anything. I have a lot of responsibilities around here.”
“Yeah, I get that. Maybe some other time though, we can make plans in advance, and then maybe you could.”
“Maybe,” Tara said hopefully even though she knew her father would never allow that. “Do you want something to drink or anything? We can go in and get something.”
“Sure,” Willow said anxious to prolong her visit with the blonde.
Tara led Willow up the walk to the front door. She opened the door and saw toys all over the floor. She could feel her face getting very red. She didn’t want Willow to think she lived in a dump. The truth is, it never looked this way, and it was only because they all knew their father wouldn’t be back until late that it did. She took Willow into the kitchen where her mom was fixing lunch.
“Tara, why didn’t you tell me that you had company,” Elizabeth said smiling brightly.
“I just kinda showed up,” Willow said.
“I’m so glad you did, do you want to stay and have lunch with us. It’s nothing fancy just tuna sandwiches, but you’re more than welcome.”
“Thanks, I’d like that,” Willow said.
“Do you wanna go up to my room?” Tara asked as she heard Donnie coming toward the kitchen. She did not want to have to deal with Donnie right now. She knew he would tease her unmercilessly even if Willow was there. Willow nodded and Tara rushed upstairs passed her brother quickly. Tara’s room was in no better condition than the rest of the house. In her rush to get away from Donnie she had completely forgotten about Katy and Lily. As she closed the bedroom door, they jumped out from behind their beds.
“Boo,” Katy yelled.
“Bye,” Tara said opening the door again and trying to get them to leave. It wasn’t hard getting Lily out, she was very nervous around new people and left as soon as she saw Willow, but Katy was another story.
“This happens to be my room too,” Katy said sitting down on her bed.
“Katy, I love you, I really do, but get out,” Tara said again. Willow couldn’t help but laugh.
“Tara, I love you too, but seriously, this is my room too and I want to play with Barbie in here. This is her home, she doesn’t like leaving it, and it makes her extremely anxious.”
“I’m sorry,” Tara said turning to Willow. “I really can’t make her leave, it is her room too.”
“It’s okay,” Willow smiled. “She’s pretty cute.”
“It wears off.”
“I’m telling,” Katy said jumping off the bed and running from the room.
“That was easier than I thought,” Tara said closing the door and locking it. “They aren’t used to me having company,” immediately wishing she hadn’t said that.
“It’s really okay, I like kids,” Willow said. “I wish I had a younger sister.”
“That’s because you don’t,” Tara smiled, easing her way across the room and trying to hide the pile of her underclothes that had managed to find their way out of her drawer, undoubtedly Katy’s doing. Willow noticed what Tara was doing, but chose not to mention it as it was obvious that Tara didn’t want her to see those things.
“So are you excited about starting school?” Willow asked sitting on the nearest bed, which she assumed to be Tara’s as the bunk beds were both covered in pink Barbie sheets.
“Kinda,” Tara said, “are you?”
“Yeah very excited. I love school,” Willow said completely aware of the fact that she sounded a bit dorky, but it wasn’t like she was trying to impress Tara, right? “I already told you I’m alone a lot and with school I get to be around my friends all day long. I also kinda enjoy the homework,” Willow admitted blushing.
“Me too, it gives me something to do here other than clean,” Tara said. “I signed up for creative writing this year. We didn’t have that at my last school. I love to write.”
“I’m more on the math side of things myself,” Willow said, “math and computers. Don’t get me wrong, I like writing too, but I’m not good at the creative side of it. I’m really good when it comes to creatively writing computer programs,” Willow smiled.
“I’m no good with computers. I have to take a computer literacy class… I’m so nervous,” Tara sat down on her bed next to Willow, finally relaxing. “Maybe you can help with it and I can help you with any writing stuff.”
“I’d be happy to help you,” Willow beamed.
“LET ME IN!” Katy screamed, banging loudly on the door.
Tara looked apologetically at Willow and went to the door to let her sister in.
“Thank you. You thought you could trick me, but I’m too smart for that. I told on you and I still get to come back in,” Katy said climbing onto the top bunk. “I sleep up here,” Katy said to Willow. “What’s your name?”
“Willow.”
“Like the tree,” Katy smiled pleased with herself at her knowledge.
“Yeah,” Willow giggled.
“My sister is named after a flower, Lily,” Katy pronounced still pleased.
“Katy I think I hear mom calling you,” Tara said wishing to be alone with Willow again. This was probably the only time she would have a girl in her room, on her bed, and for some reason she felt like her little sister was an intrusion, even though nothing was happening.
“I don’t think…” Just then her mother came to the door.
“I brought you your lunch,” she said placing a tray on the dresser. “Come on Katy, downstairs. I told you not to bother your sister.”
“Mommy, it’s my room too,” Katy pleaded.
“I know it is, and when Tara’s company leaves you can come back and bug her as much as you want, let’s go,” Elizabeth said smiling at Tara as she ushered Katy out of the room.
“Is it okay to sit on your bed and eat?” Willow asked before returning to the bed with the tray. She had gotten up to retrieve it before Tara had gotten the chance.
“Sure,” Tara smiled.
“I’m really glad I came over today,” Willow said. She was indeed very happy to have officially met Tara, despite the fact that it didn’t seem to be doing anything about the thoughts she was having. Every time she looked at the girl in front her, her shirt stretched tightly across her breasts, Willow found it very hard to think of anything else, but she suddenly could’ve cared less about that.
“Me too,” Tara said, thinking for a moment that she had caught Willow looking at her chest. The thought made her blush and she thought about how stupid she must look blushing for seemingly nothing.
“Do you want to do something tomorrow?” Willow asked.
“I can’t,” Tara frowned.
“Oh,” Willow said feeling very stupid.
“I want to,” Tara said seeing the hurt look on Willow’s face, “I just can’t. I have to be here tomorrow, my dad… I have to be here.”
“Some other time?”
“I hope so,” Tara said. “Willow?”
“Yeah.”
“I… I’m glad that you came today and glad that you want to be my friend,” Tara blurted out.
“I’m glad that you want to be my friend,” Willow smiled reaching out her hand to Tara. She had no idea why she had done it, but she briefly held the others girl’s hand and gave it a squeeze before letting go. It was electric. Tara’s hand was so soft and warm and she wanted desperately to grasp it again, but thought it probably wasn’t a good idea. Tara was probably already thinking she was some kind of freak for doing it in the first place. She looked up at Tara’s eyes, and found that Tara was staring down at her hand as if she were still touching it. Willow was certain she’d made a mistake. “I guess I should go now,” Willow said wanting to run screaming from the room. What a fool she had been?
“Really? Now?” Tara asked looking up disappointed.
“Well…” Willow said, maybe she had been wrong.
“I mean if you have to you know its okay,” Tara said.
“I guess I really should,” Willow said looking at the clock she hadn’t realized she had been gone so long. Her mom had told her to be home at 2:00 because she had some people coming over. “Are you sure we can’t get together tomorrow? If you have to be here I can come here, I can help.”
“I wish you could, but I don’t think my dad would like that,” Tara said.
“Your dad must be pretty strict,” Willow said.
“Yeah,” Tara shook her head. “Are you busy Monday? My dad will be starting work then and he won’t be home all day,” Tara said.
“Sure,” Willow beamed, getting up from the bed. Tara followed her to the door. Willow walked down the stairs and to the front door.
“I’ll see you Monday,” Tara said smiling as she opened the front door for Willow.
“Bye Tara,” Willow said leaning in and hugging her in another shocking moment of bravery. She was pleased to see Tara eagerly accept the hug.
“Bye Willow.” Tara closed the front door behind her friend and leaned back against it. The room must have been eight hundred degrees. Willow had squeezed her hand and given her a hug. Surely that was a sign of more than friendship. Panic seized Tara; she didn’t know how to be more than friends. What if that was what Willow was after? Yes, it would be wonderful, but what should she do next? How should she act? And how do you even tell if someone does like you that way?
“Got yourself a little friend, I see,” Donnie said peeking over the back of the sofa. “Cute little redhead. Is she available?”
“No,” Tara said turning bright red.
“Nice hug.”
“Shut up, Donnie,” Tara said attempting to go up the stairs, but her brother jumped in front of her.
“Oh come on, sis, don’t I even get to tease you for a little while about your little…”
“Don’t say it,” Tara said stopping her brother. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” Donnie said unsettled by his sister’s sudden change in attitude.
“Not here, let’s go to your room,” Tara said heading passed the stairs toward Donnie’s room. After Donnie had entered Tara closed the door and began pacing the room. Donnie sat down on his bed waiting for Tara to speak. “How do you know when someone likes you?”
“Likes you how?”
“Likes you as more than a friend,” Tara said turning her back to her brother.
“You want me to tell you if this redhead likes you?” Donnie said a big smirk on his face, he was absolutely loving this. Tara never came to him for advice about anything, much less her none existent love life. There was no way he was going to make this easy on her.
“Willow, her name is Willow, and yes I do. Please don’t torture me and just help me out, you’re my big brother and my best friend,” Tara said turning on the charm.
“I won’t torture you, but honestly, sis, I don’t know if this girl likes you. I only saw her say goodbye. What did you guys do?”
“Well we talked in my room about school and stuff like that. Oh and she held my hand for a minute and then she squeezed it before she let go, and she wanted to make plans for tomorrow, but you know I can’t do that, so we decided on Monday. Do you think that stuff means anything?”
“Maybe.”
“I can’t tell you how helpful you’ve been,” Tara said turning to leave.
“Wait a minute,” Donnie said catching his sister’s attention. He felt kinda bad that he wasn’t really trying hard to help her. “It might mean something, it might not. Some girls are just touchy feely and it doesn’t mean they like you at all. You really need to see her with her other friends to know if it’s more than that or not. I think there’s a good chance she does like you.”
“Do you really mean that?” Tara asked.
“Yeah,” Donnie said, happy that he could make his sister happy even if what he was saying wasn’t exactly true.
“I can’t wait until Monday,” Tara said running from the room.
‘I can’t wait until Monday,’ Willow thought walking back to her house. ‘So things didn’t go exactly like I planned. They didn’t go anything like I planned. I was supposed to not be thinking about Tara anymore, and well I’m definitely thinking about her. Tara, isn’t that the most beautiful name you’ve ever heard, Tara…Tara… I could think it all day. I wish I knew what all this meant. I guess I know what it means, but it can’t mean that. I need to stop thinking about it so much. Thinking about it is just making me all…discombobulated. I just need to not think. It was so easy in Tara’s room to just do what I felt and not think about any of it. I hope I didn’t freak her out cause I hugged her, I mean she totally hugged me back. And hugging doesn’t mean anything; I’ve hugged Buffy tons of times, millions of times even. Oh, but hugging Tara was so different. For one thing I could feel her breasts pressed against mine and… ohhhh… I don’t think I’ll ever forget how that feels. I’ve never felt that before when I’ve hugged Buffy. I’m sure that’s its happened cause well… hello… we’re both girls and we have boobs,’ Willow thought looking down at her own chest. ‘Maybe not big ones, but I do have something there. And the way Tara smelled… that was different too. I never noticed how Buffy smelled, but Tara, it just jumped right out at me, like it was filling me. I’ll never forget that either.’
“Hey, Will,” Xander said running up to his friend. “I was just going to see you. Where have you been? Buffy said she got a weird phone call from you earlier, I was coming to check on you.”
“Hey, yeah… I was a little off earlier. I was just taking a walk and I feel a lot better now,” Willow said unable to wipe the smile off her face.
“So you’re okay?” Xander asked again.
“I’m great, well… I do have to go home, so I could be better. My parents are having company tonight. Hey, do you wanna come?”
“Me come to a dinner party at your house? Yeah right,” Xander said stuffing his hands into his pockets.
“Come on, Xand, help me out,” Willow pleaded.
“No way, Will, not a chance. I hate these things. I always end up doing something stupid and completely embarrassing myself. I can’t ever remember what fork is for what, and then there’s the soup spoon and the dessert spoon, and the cloth napkin, it’s too complicated.”
“I’ll help you,” Willow said.
“The answer is no, stop pressuring me,” Xander said acting hurt. “Just call Buffy; she’s good at this sort of thing.”
“I don’t want to call Buffy. You didn’t hear the weird phone call and I really don’t want to explain any of it to her right now. Maybe I could just play sick again, or you could lie and say something happened and I can spend the night at your house comforting you,” Willow said hopefully.
“Lie to your mom and dad; have you completely lost your mind?”
“It wouldn’t be so bad if you did it though,” Willow said. “Please, I really don’t want to do this tonight. It’s mom’s old friend from college and undoubtedly she’s going to bring her children, who are probably around my age, and then they’re going to get into a contest who’s child is more successful and if that doesn’t happen my mom will try to set me up with one of them. I can’t deal with that, I’m just starting to feel better.”
“Maybe it would be good for you to be set up with someone. I mean you’ve never really…”
“Alexander Lavelle Harris… I don’t believe you. You think I should let myself be fixed up with some… some… loser? I could get someone better than that. In fact I have. I just didn’t want to tell you. I’m dating someone right now, and they’re hot and we’re madly in love,” Willow said fuming.
“Okay, Will,” Xander said laughing disbelievingly.
“I am dating someone,” Willow said.
“I know,” Xander said walking down the street.
‘Great, now I’m lying to my friends,’ Willow thought continuing on her way to her house. ‘He deserved it though. I can’t believe he thinks I should go out with one of these bookworm, study all the time, smarter than smart… wait a minute… I’m describing myself, but still I don’t want to date me. Ughhh… what did I ever see in him.’ Willow stopped in front of her house really not wanting to go in. She kept wondering if there was anything she could come up with that would get her out of this. She could fake sick some more. She had told her mom that she was just taking a walk and she could claim that while she was out on her walk her head had started bothering her again and she had to keep resting on the way home and that’s why she was gone so long. It might just work.
“Willow, where have you been? The Robertson’s are going to be here any minute and you need to change,” her mother said.
“Mom, I’m not feeling well… my head started hurting and I had rest a lot on the way home. I think I need to lie down,” Willow said.
“I need you to be out here for dinner.”
“I know and I’m sorry, but I’m feeling so bad,” Willow feigned a dizzy spell.
“Fine, Willow, I don’t know how I’m going to explain this. If you don’t feel well I don’t want to hear any noise from your room. No phone calls, no TV, no radio, you need to lie down and rest.”
“Of course,” Willow said heading to her room. She broke out in a huge smile as soon as her mother couldn’t see her. It had worked, and her mother didn’t say anything about going online. This gave her the perfect opportunity to look up stuff about being… she couldn’t bring herself to even think it, but she could look it up.