Too Much To Lose

[darkwillow6]

Title: Too Much To Lose

Author: Ashley Riegel (darkwillow6)

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. Joss Whedon owns them all...except for a few that I added for my own purposes.

Summary: Willow and Tara have been together for years. They have a six year old boy named Jason and a newborn girl named Alexis. Things begin to fall apart. It will take both of them to fix their problems.

Feedback: I want to know what you think. I've gotten a lot of wonderful feedback for my story Confused Passions. I hope this will be the same.

E-mail: willow.17@netzero.net

Spoilers: None. This fic takes place well into the future.

Distribution: Sure! Just don't steal it from me please :(

Rating: PG-13 (not really my style, but I'm up for a challenge)

Pairing: Gee...I wonder

Author's Note: This is a story that I haven't actually written out already. Everything here is fresh from my mind. I'm making it up as I go. Be afraid...be very afraid. (Also, I plan to continue Confused Passions in the midst of this new endeavor)

***************************************************************AUGUST 20th 2005

It was nearly three o' clock in the morning when a loud cry rang through Willow and Tara's bedroom. They both awoke in horror and then exhaled looking first at the clock and then at the baby monitor. Just as they both stood from the bed there was a soft knock on the door followed by a loud whisper.
"Mommy. The baby's awake again," Jason said. Willow yawned and looked at Tara.
"Which one do you want this time?" she asked.
"I'll take Jason," Tara said as she escorted the young boy back to his bedroom. Willow wandered sleepily to the baby's room which was just down the hall.

"Hey Alexis. What's the matter?" she asked taking the infant into her arms. She rocked her gently and talked to her. "It's okay honey. Momma's here. Shhhh." She then checked her diaper to see if that was the cause of the child's distress. "All clean," Willow confirmed to herself.

Over in Jason's room Tara wasn't having much luck calming the young boy down. Once his baby sister woke him up it was difficult to get him back to sleep.
"Why does Alex cry so much Mommy?" he asked more curious than annoyed.
"Oh, she's just a baby sweetie. She needs me and Mom to do everything for her. You're a big boy. If you need to go get some water or if your hungry you can do it yourself, but your little sister can't. She cries so that me and Mom know that she needs something," Tara explained.
"Did I used to cry when I was a little baby Mommy?" he asked innocently.
"All the time. Your mom and I had to keep your crib in the room with us so that you would sleep. You didn't like to be alone. Now you're a big boy and you have your own room and your own bed." The young boy seemed to calm down now. He lay down on the bed and put his feet under the blankets. Tara curled up next to him and gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. She just stayed there for a few moments until Willow returned. She had successfully coaxed the little girl to fall back asleep. They both said goodnight to Jason and went back into their own room.

"What did she need?" Tara asked as they got back into bed, exhausted.
"She was just being cranky. Maybe she had a bad dream," Willow replied. She then leaned over to kiss Tara on the lips. "Goodnight baby."
"Night," Tara replied. Her heavy lids fell right away and her dreams picked up right where they had left off.

Later that morning Willow awoke to find an empty space beside her. She heard the baby giggling lightly downstairs and smiled. She pushed the blankets off and walked slowly downstairs to the kitchen.
"Goodmorning Mom," Jason said getting up from his bowl of Cheerios to give her a hug.
"Goodmorning sweetie," she replied kissing his forehead. Alexis was in her highchair with a handful of Cheerios spread out in front of her. "What is she doing with Cheerios? She can't eat them yet. She's just playing with them," Willow said to Tara after giving her a goodmorning kiss which earned an "eww" from Jason.
"Well, she spent most of the morning throwing them at me," Tara replied picking a circular peice of cereal from her hair. "She has very good aim," Tara continued.
"Sure looks like it," Willow said pulling more cereal from her lover's hair. "So what should we do on this beautiful Saturday?"
"Jason wants to go to the park," Tara answered.
"That sounds like a good idea." Willow walked over to Alexis's highchair and bent forward. "Do you want to go to the park today honey?" she asked in a baby voice. Alexis threw a Cheerio at Willow's nose and laughed, exposing her toothless gums.
"I think that's a 'yes'," Tara said giggling.
"Oh. You think that's funny huh?" Willow asked walking back over to Tara. She pinned her against the counter.
"No, don't," Tara begged. "Pretty please," she continued.
"Well, since you asked nicely...NO," Willow said as she began tickling Tara mercilessly. She writhed and giggled as Willow continued.
"STOP!" Tara yelled laughing. This only made Willow tickle her more.
"I'll save you Mommy," Jason said running to Willow's side and pulling at her leg.
"You want some too?" Willow asked picking him up and laying him on the counter. She tickled him too. Tara soon joined in. While lauging he said, "Hey...I was trying to save you Mommy."
"I know sweetie, but I can't resist," Tara replied going for his ribs.

A few moments later the tickling finally ceased. Jason went to finish his breakfast and Willow went upstairs to shower.

[willohand]

go me go me go me... Im the first to leave a reply.and this is always a good thing being a writers first.
oh and

[Tarababy77]

Yippee!!! Pretty darn good start. I just love the vibe I got from this fic so far. I know, I know, things will change and I will have to deal. Happiness is so so good. Anyhoo, the tickling part:

Well, since you asked nicely...NO," Willow said as she began tickling Tara mercilessly. She writhed and giggled as Willow continued.
"STOP!" Tara yelled laughing. This only made Willow tickle her more.
"I'll save you Mommy," Jason said running to Willow's side and pulling at her leg.
"You want some too?" Willow asked picking him up and laying him on the counter. She tickled him too. Tara soon joined in. While lauging he said, "Hey...I was trying to save you Mommy."
"I know sweetie, but I can't resist," Tara replied going for his ribs.

Just so cute! Welp, I'm going to bookmark this fic and hope to see more soon. Take care and smiles. =)

[darkwillow6]

Hey everyone. I hope you're enjoying the story. I haven't gotten any feedback, but I'll continue on anyway. Maybe this next update will inspire some feedback.

***************************************************************AUGUST 21st 2005
After Jason had finished his breakfast Tara took him and Alexis upstairs to get dressed. She dressed Jason in a pair of jeans and a Batman t-shirt. Baby Alexis wore a little sundress. When Willow came back from her shower Tara left to get dressed while Willow took the kids downstairs and put Alexis into her stroller. She made some sandwiches to take along for lunch and put them underneath the stroller with Alexis's diaper bag.

Soon they were on their way. They decided to walk since the park was only four blocks away. Willow pushed the stroller with the shade down to protect the baby's face and Tara walked with Jason, holding his hand.

"Mommy, my feet are tired," Jason said as they started on the third block. Tara bent over and picked him up and carried him the rest of the way. As soon as the park was in sight, Jason begged his mother to put him down so he could go play.
"Just be careful," she yelled after the toddler. Willow and Tara took the baby over to a bench nearby.

Then, Willow pulled out the video camera.
"Oh no. You brought that thing?" Tara asked.
"Of course. I take it everywhere," Willow replied taking the lensecap off and pressing the power button. The little red light blinked on and Tara hid her face. Willow pressed the record button and started talking. "Today is Saturday August twenty-first, two-thousand and five. We are at the park today because, as you can see, it is a nice day outside. This is my beautiful wife Tara who seems to be a little camera shy. Come on honey. Say 'hi' to the camera." Tara finally relented and gave a little wave. "See. That wasn't so bad. We've been together for twelve years now and we plan to go for at least twelve more. We met when we were both just nineteen. Now we're already thirty-one," she said before bringing the camera to rest on baby Alexis. "This is our baby girl, Alexis. She was born on July seventeenth, two-thousand and five at two-thirteen in the morning. She was seven pounds and eight ounces." She then walked over to the playground area where Jason was about to attempt the monkey bars. "We also have a little boy named Jason. He's six years old. He was born on March third, nineteen-ninety-nine. He was ten pounds and four ounces. Are you going to do the monkey bars now honey?" she asked.
"Okay Mom. Watch me," he replied reaching for the first bar, then the second, and so on until he reached the end.
"Good job sweetie," Willow praised.
"I'm going to go play in the sandbox now okay Mom?"
"Okay honey. Me and Mommy are right over there if you need anything," she replied indicating the bench. When she arrived back at the bench she saw Tara picking up Alexis.
"She's hungry," Tara explained.
"Well, we don't want that on our family video," Willow replied turning off the video camera. She sat down next to Tara and gave Alexis a kiss on the cheek. Then Tara lifted her shirt enough so that the baby's head could go underneath.
"You know, I'm getting kinda hungry too," Willow said winking.
"You brought sandwiches," Tara pointed out.
"I want what she's having," she replied, referring to Alexis. Tara just smiled and shook her head.
"Maybe later," Tara said.

About twenty minutes later Willow called Jason over for lunch. His hands were a mess so she took him to the bathroom to wash them as Tara got out all of the sandwiches. When they returned they all began to eat.
"Are you having fun Jason?" Tara asked.
"Uh-huh," he replied with his mouth full of sandwich. Then he swallowed and continued. "I'm making a sandcastle."
"Cool. You can show it to me and Mommy after lunch," Willow said. "I'll take a picture of it," she continued.

When lunch was over they all went to look at the sandcastle like they had promised and then left Jason to continue playing. Willow and Tara sat back down on the bench and Willow pushed the stroller back and forth, slowly, with her foot. They were both quiet for a few moments.
"Why are you so quiet? Is something wrong?" Tara asked. Willow just smiled at her.
"Nothing's wrong. I was just thinking about the kids. They're such a miracle. This is what I've always wanted to have, and now I do. It just amazes me sometimes," Willow replied.
"Yeah. I know," Tara agreed. "But I still think that we need a day off every once in a while. Why don't we leave the kids with Buffy one of these nights. You know how much she loves them. And she's right down the street."
"I don't know honey. Alexis is still really little. What if something happens? Buffy isn't used to taking care of babies. We didn't let Jason stay over until he was two."
"Do you really think that we can wait until she's two before we take a break?"

[Tonto]

Yay a family fic!

Ashley...........I'm so glad you're back from vacation........err....okay so I don't know you well enough to miss you but I missed your BEAUTIFUL writing! I should get some points for that, right?

Anyway, I love this fic. Their family is so cute. You're leaving us with so many unanswered questions (did they meet in college,jobs, etc). Will they be answered in the form of 'flashbacks'? Or maybe that won't even be necessary as a lot of them were answered during Willow's family video. Heehee! I thought it was so cute how Tara was hiding from the camera.

"You know, I'm getting kinda hungry too," Willow said winking.
"You brought sandwiches," Tara pointed out.
"I want what she's having," she replied, referring to Alexis. Tara just smiled and shook her head.
"Maybe later," Tara said.

I loved these lines......they're so "typical Willow"

I can't wait to read more...........I love when you get with the frequent updates........so keep 'em rolling!

[freakgirl105]

Ashley! Love the new story! It's awesome! Love it when Willow is tickling Tara. I also really loved Willow's hinting and Tara not even getting it! Hee hee hee! can't wait for more!

[Emms]

darkwillow, hi. I've read what you have posted so far...so I thought I'd leave you a little feedback.

I really like what you've got started here. I love the fact that they have kids and that Jason is a boy. I've seen plenty of fics where they have children (even written one of my own) and seeing that they have a boy for their first child really shows that you are putting forth the utmost effort to be original. Kudos to you.

Also, I think that you have done a wonderful job capturing the "Mundane" everyday happenstance of life. From the way they handle Jason, change Alex's diaper, or even in the simple way they decide to throw caution to the wind and go to the park, and then actually go. All that is wonderful.

I like the dialogue and the easy way they exchange it. I like the fact that Jason (in the first post) Has shown some very real animosity toward his new little sister and the incessant way she seems (to him) to cry. That was very real, because children are not always excited (in the good kinda way) about such things. And I think Tara's explanation for the child's tears was right on point.

Now comes the constructive part of the feedback.

You have them participating in a lot of actions, such as: checking diapers, kissing, going from room to room, but you don't really use a lot of describing words, so the action tends to come off as a little dry.

For example:

"Oh. You think that's funny huh?" Willow asked walking back over to Tara. She pinned her against the counter.

Is the counters edge blunt? Is it sharp? does it bite into Tara's backside? And how does that feel?

Another example:

Alexis was in her highchair with a handful of Cheerios spread out in front of her. "What is she doing with Cheerios? She can't eat them yet. She's just playing with them,"

Okay...she is playing with them, but how exactly? Is she slapping her uncoordinated hand down onto them, her palm unforgiving and her fingers splayed? Or is she making an attempt to pick each piece of cereal up carefully between two pinched fingers? Does any of the cereal make it into the baby's mouth or do they all end up in Tara's hair, on the floor, or scattered across the tray of the infant's highchair?

One more example:

Over in Jason's room Tara wasn't having much luck calming the young boy down. Once his baby sister woke him up it was difficult to get him back to sleep.

When I read that part I found myself curious about a couple of things. First thing being; what does Jason's room look like? Is it small or large? neat or messy? What kind of toys does he have? Is he in to dinosaurs or legos? What kind of kid is he? The second thing being; Why is it difficult to get him back to sleep once he's been awakened? Is it only difficult to get him back to sleep when Alex wakes him up or is it difficult no matter what the reason is?

I think you have a wonderful premise goin' on here and I'm really enjoying your story, and I think that if you do a little more describing, this fic will be even better than it already is.

I can't wait for the next update. Post soon?

xoxo
Emms

[VixenyTarasHot]

Ashley's got a new story!! whoot!!

You're right, this one is really good too! I can't say better cuz I really like both, so lets just leave it at that

The kids are adorable, and as much as I want the girls to have a "break" the baby is still crazy young... I wouldn't leave my infant to Buffy at that age

Anyways, glad you're back

More soon pease
Ashleigh

[AlysonGoddess]

AWWWWW yay what a great start im loving this so far!!!! I like the family thing going on so cute! Looking forward to another update please continue

ERIN

[darkwillow6]

Hey kittens. Sorry it's been so long. I couldn't begin to describe the problems I've been having with both my internent and the KittenBoard server. The good thing is that I managed to save most of my update before my computer completely quit on me. So here's the update. I hope you enjoy it because it's been hell to post.

***************************************************************AUGUST 31st 2005

They ended the conversation abruptly when Jason approached them.
"Can we go home now Mommy?" he asked crawling into Tara's lap.
"You're not having fun anymore honey?" Tara asked.
"I am, but I'm getting sleepy."
"Okay honey. We'll go home and you can have a nap," Tara said as she stood up taking the young boy into her arms. He held onto her tightly and rested his head on her shoulders. Willow pushed the stroller as they walked home.
"I really don't think we should leave them with Buffy," Willow said, continuing the conversation from earlier. Jason had already fallen fast asleep in his mother's arms. She felt his slow warm breath on her shoulder.
"Well, we could let Jason sleep over. It would be easier for us to just have Alexis in the house tonight," Tara reasoned. "We've hardly gotten any sleep since Alexis was born...let alone any alone time," she continued.
"We could do that," Willow said. "Jason loves sleeping at Buffy's. I'll call her later and see if she has any plans."

When they got home Tara put Jason in his racecar bed and took his shoes off. She kissed his head and went back downstairs. When she walked into the living room she saw Willow holding Alexis in her arms.
"I guess she's tired too," Tara said softly as she stroked the baby's head.
"Yeah. I'm gonna go put her in her crib and then I'll call Buffy," Willow said rising from the couch.
"I can take her," Tara said holding out her arms. "You go call Buffy," she said. Willow smiled and carefully transferred the baby from her arms to Tara's.
"Thanks honey," she said kissing Tara and then Alexis. Then she headed toward the phone.

"Hello?" Buffy said when she picked up the phone.
"Hey Buffy. It's Willow. Do you have any plans for tonight?"
"Actually I was going to sit around and do nothing. Why? What did you have in mind?"
"Well...Tara and I were wondering if maybe you could watch Jason for us tonight. Things are getting kind of hectic having both of the kids in the house."
"Sure. I'd love to watch him. You know how much I love my little nephew. I'll feed him ice cream and candy and let him play video games with violent and bloody themes," Buffy teased.
"Well then you can deal with the after effects of all that sugar," Willow teased back.
"Oh, that's true. I'll just give him back to you if he gets too hyper," Buffy continued. "Are you guys gonna stay for a little while or are you just gonna drop off Jason?"
"I'm sure we could stay for a little while. We'll probably bring him by around seven. Is that okay."
"Yeah. That's fine. I'll see you then."

As soon as they hung up the phone Willow saw Tara coming down the stairs with the other baby monitor. She set it down on the living room table and sat down on the couch, exhausted. Willow sat down next to her and gestured for Tara to lay her head on her lap. She complied and was now on her back looking up at Willow.
"What did Buffy say?" she asked.
"She said she'd watch him. I told her we'd bring him over at seven," Willow explained. She stroked Tara's hair with one hand and rested the other on Tara's stomach. Tara yawned.
"I think I'm gonna go upstairs and take a nap," Tara said beginning to rise. Willow stopped her. When Tara was lying back in her lap Willow leaned down to kiss her. Their lips touched and something inside them clicked. They hadn't had sex in such a long time that even a small moment like this seemed to be more intimate than usual. It had been a little over a month now since Alexis was born. They had more sex while Tara was pregnant with Alexis than in the past month. Willow definitely didn't mind Tara's raging hormones during pregnancy. Once they broke apart, Tara had forgotten all about her nap. She had that familiar feeling in her lower stomach and she wanted Willow to make it go away. She kept reminding herself that the kids were in the house.
"They're asleep," Willow said as if reading her mind.
"What if Jason comes downstairs?" Tara asked.
"We'll go up to our room," she whispered. Tara sighed and thought for a moment. Instead of replying, she just kissed Willow passionately. Soon they were on their way up the stairs and into their room, being sure to take the baby monitor with them. Willow turned and closed the door softly behind them and turned the lock as Tara set the monitor down on the bedside table.

"Now where were we?" Willow asked as she backed Tara up to the bed. She fell backwards and Willow climbed on top of her. The bed squeaked somewhat as they got situated.
"We have to be quiet," Tara whispered. They both shook with anticipation. This was what their relationship had been missing over the past couple of months. All of that pent up sexual energy was being released right now. Willow pressed her body down onto Tara's. The redhead could feel the heat coming from between Tara's legs. She grabbed the hem of Tara's shirt and began to lift it. Inch by inch, Tara's creamy white skin was exposed. Finally, the shirt lay forgotten on the floor. Willow disposed of her own as well.

Just as she reached the button of Tara's pants they heard Jason crying loudly in his room. They both panicked and rushed to put their shirts back on. Within seconds they were through his door.
"What's the matter sweetie? What happened?" Tara asked.
"I had a nightmare," Jason replied between sobs. "There was a big scary monster and he tried to eat me," he explained almost incoherently.
"It's okay honey. The monster is gone now," Willow said sitting down on his bed and holding him. Tara sat on the other side of him and rubbed his back which was drenched with sweat.
"Do you wanna go downstairs and watch some cartoons?" Tara asked. Jason nodded as Tara wiped the tears from his eyes. "Come on honey," she said reaching out her hand to take his.

They walked downstairs as Willow, again, moved the baby monitor from their room to the living room. She then sat down with them. Jason had his head in his mommy's lap as she stroked his arm comfortingly. The familiar theme song of Blue's Clues came through the television speakers. Jason smiled as he watched. About halfway through the show Tara decided to go start dinner. It was now five twenty-four. Willow stayed with Jason to be sure that he was better. She had never heard Jason get so upset over a nightmare.

Twenty minutes or so later Jason was asleep again on the couch. Finally, Willow felt comfortable enough to leave him there so she joined Tara in the kitchen.
"He sure gave us a scare huh?" Tara asked when Willow entered.
"Yeah. That must have been some nightmare," she replied moving to stand next to Tara who was at the stove. "What are you making?" she asked.
"Just hamburgers with mashed potatoes and greenbeans. Nothing complex," Tara replied.
"It smells good," Willow said. She moved to stand behind Tara and moved her blonde hair away from her neck before kissing it. "And so do you," she continued.
"Don't start anything that you know we can't finish right now," Tara said trying to keep her hormones under control. Things were so heated in the bedroom earlier that it was hard for her to calm down. Willow backed down.
"This is so frustating. Don't you remember when we could just have sex whenever and wherever we wanted to?" Willow asked.
"That was two kids ago sweetheart. We have to be more careful now. I don't want to be the one to have to explain to Jason why he saw us naked and on top of each other on our bed. We'll make time for that when we have less responsibilities."
"I don't want to make time for it Tara. We never used to treat sex like it was some chore or like it was something that we have to squeeze in between bedtime and breakfast. We used to do it for different reasons. It used to be something that we took our time with. We used to be so in love that we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. What happened to those days Tara? Look at us now."
"What's wrong with the way we are now. We have everything we wanted. A house, a family, a decent income...what else do you want? Are you unhappy with our lives?" Tara asked becoming upset.
"Just our sex lives," Willow replied.
"Well then why don't you go have sex with someone else," Tara said angrily as she took three plates down from the cabinet.
"That's not what I want Tara. You know I don't want someone else. I just wish sometimes that things could be like they were when we were in college."
"Well they can't be," Tara said turning and looking Willow in the eyes.
"This is where our lives are now and there's nothing we can do about it. The only way to go back there is with someone else. I'm happy with my life now. I got away from my father and brother and came here to make my life better and it is. Not to mention that our kids are the most beautiful things that I've ever seen. Seeing them every day is a little more important to me than how many times we get to have sex in a day."
"I know Tara. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. It's just been a little hard to adjust. I mean, when Jason was born it was hard, but then we could just let him sleep over at Buffy's when he was older so we could have some time to ourselves. Now, with Alexis, it's a little overwhelming, but I'm not unhappy at all. My life right now is better than I ever dreamed it could be. It has been for the past twelve years," Willow said softly. "Do you forgive me?" she asked sticking out her lip in a pout. Tara didn't say anything. She just hugged Willow tightly and then kissed her lips. No more words were exchanged as they began to set the table.

Once the plates were prepared, Tara called Jason to the table and then went upstairs to get Alexis. The whole way down the stairs Willow could hear the baby's cry.
"Aww, it's okay baby. Shh. It's time for dinner," Willow said to Alexis. Soon she was calm. Tara put her in the highchair so that she could be fed as soon as Tara finished her meal. The baby just stared inquisitively at the family. Jason had finished his hamburger and mashed potatoes and was now poking his greenbeans with his fork. Willow noticed this. "We talked about the veggies before honey," she said to him.
"I know Mommy, but they're ucky...and they have little seed things in them. What if more of them start to grow in my tummy?" he asked as his eyes widened in fear.
"I promise that they won't grow in your tummy. They only grow in dirt. You haven't eaten any dirt have you?" Tara teased.
"No. But dirt tastes better than these," Jason said referring to his greenbeans.
"Oh, stop exaggerating," Tara said smiling. Jason gave an identical smile in return. Willow was in awe. She'd never realized just how much Jason looked like Tara. They had the same blue eyes and cute little nose, and their smiles were exactly the same. She smiled inwardly and continued eating.

After dinner Jason went upstairs to play with his Legos and Willow and Tara sat on the couch so that Tara could feed the baby. She pushed up her shirt and bra enough to expose her breast and held the baby near until she latched onto it with her mouth and began to suck. Willow rested her head on Tara's shoulder and looked down at the baby in awe. She was so beautiful and so full of life.
"I really am sorry about earlier," Willow said softly without looking at Tara.
"I know," Tara replied. When she didn't say anything else, Willow spoke again.
"Do you remember when we first met?" Willow asked out of nowhere. Her gaze remained fixed on Alexis who was staring back at her with her big green eyes.
"Tell me," Tara said. Of course she knew, but she wanted to hear Willow tell it to her. She wanted them to remember together. Maybe it would help them gain a better understanding of where they were now.
"It was March, nineteen-ninety-three. I had only been going to college for about eight months by then. One day I was on my way to class when I saw this girl with the bluest eyes I'd ever seen in my life, so..." her voice trailed off as the story became a series of pictures in their minds.

#####################(FLASHBACK)####################

That's all for tonight kittens. I hope that isn't too much of a cliffhanger, but I gotta go take a shower. I smell bad. Anyway, I hope to have more tomorrow, but this internet is so unpredictable that I can't promise anything. The next update will pick up with the flashback.

[AlysonGoddess]

Aww I so love this story!!! Poor willow and tara cant get any alone time :( Maybe we need to change things up a bit kill off a kid or two haha jk anyway please continue

ERIN

[Tonto]

Yup, you have to continue...........I love flashbacks!

I was so scared when Willow and Tara stared arguing...........I hope there isn't anymore of that.

When they got home Tara put Jason in his racecar bed and took his shoes off.

A racecar bed.......that's so cool!

Until tomorrow.......

[darkwillow6]

Hey Kittens. I'm back! Did you miss me? I've been really busy with homework that I haven't even had time to check my e-mail. *gasp*. Anyway, I've been dying to write for weeks. I keep getting all of these good ideas for the story, but I haven't really been keeping up with that in writing. So I'll just give you the flashback now. I hope you like the next part. I'm updating both stories today so I should be here for pretty much half the day. I forced myself to get up and do it today. Hope you enjoy. ASH

*******************************************************SEPTEMBER 25th 2005**********************************

################################FLASHBACK###################################

Willow was rushing to her first period Biology class when she realized that she'd forgotten to stop by the office and get her second semester schedule. She pulled open the glass door and walked inside. It was really quiet inside and there were only a few people in line ahead of her. One of them in particular caught her eye for some reason. Her blonde hair was shining in the fluorescent lights of the office. Willow had no idea what it was about the stranger that had held her attention so completely. After all, she hadn't even seen her face yet.
'Am I checking her out?' Willow thought to herself. 'No. I'm so not a lesbian. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just that I'm not...god she has a hot ass.'
Willow was shocked by her own thoughts. She promptly told her brain to shut up and stop thinking such things, and removed her eyes from that area of the other girl's body.

When the blonde reached the register Willow overheard that she had just transferred and was starting classes today. 'Perfect!' Willow thought. This new girl would probably need someone to show her around and get her acquainted with the place. Of course, Willow thought that she would be that perfect someone. Soon, though, the blonde was on her way out of the office. She passed by Willow who smiled sweetly at her. Willow was still in line waiting for her schedule, but contemplated chasing after the blonde. This may be her only chance to come into contact with the girl. She looked ahead in the line, and then to the door where the blonde had just gone, then to the line again. She sighed and rushed out the door.

Within seconds she had caught up to the girl. Willow tapped the blonde on the shoulder to get her attention. When she turned toward her Willow forgot what she was going to say. Right there in front of her were the bluest eyes she'd ever seen in her life. They were so clear and deep. After the blonde stood staring curiously at her for a few moments she decided that she'd better say something.
"Hi," she said. 'Real smooth, Willow,' she thought to herself.
"Um...hi," Tara said back. It seemed to be more of a question than a greeting.
"Oh. Uh. I bet your probably wondering who I am," she said lauging nervously to herself. "My name is Willow," she continued. "I saw you in the office and I heard that you were just starting here and I thought maybe you'd need someone to show you around. 'Cause if you do, you know, I could do it," Willow finished nervously.
"That would be g-great," the girl said. A flush rose to her cheeks. Her stutter was embarrassing. Willow, however, thought it was cute. "My n-name is Tara," she continued.
"It's nice to meet you Tara," Willow said holding out her hand, and smiling one of the biggest smiles she ever had. The blonde took it tentatively into her own. "So where are you going right now?" Willow asked when their hands broke contact.
"Art," Tara said smiling softly.
"By choice?" Willow asked incredulously. "I could never do that. I'm so bad at art. I can do graphic design. That's art...kind of. What kind of art do you do?"
"All kinds. I really like to paint though. It takes a long time, but I like it a lot."
"That's great. Maybe you can show me some of your work sometime," Willow asked more than said.
"I'm not very good," Tara said looking to the floor. Her hair formed a curtain around her face.
"I'm sure you're great. You're just being too hard on yourself," Willow said in an attempt to give the girl some self-confidence. Tara smiled gratefully.

All day long Willow helped Tara get from class to class whether or not it interfered with her own. It was Tara's last class of the day. Willow had been done with her classes hours ago. As soon as she came out of the room Willow was there waiting for her.
"You know, I really appreciate you helping me out today. It was nice of you. I don't know anyone here and I was expecting to have a long day, but here we are...at the end of it," Tara said.
"It was no problem," Willow assured her as she smiled brightly. "Do you want me to walk you to your room?" she asked.
"You don't have to do that," Tara said not wanting to trouble her any further.
"I don't mind...really. Unless you don't want~" she began, but was cut off.
"No. It's fine. If you want to," Tara said. Willow smiled as they headed to Tara's room.

They said their "goodnights" and then Willow started walking back to her own room. She had a lot of mixed thoughts and feelings about the events of the day. Did she really have a crush on the blonde? "I do not like her like that," Willow said out loud to try and convince herself. It wasn't working. "I can't believe I'm having the hots for a chick," Willow said a few moments later...not as quietly as she would have liked. She blushed so brightly that she nearly glowed in the pitch black of the night.

Over the next couple of weeks the two got closer and closer. They shared more secrets with each other and asked questions about the other's life. Buffy was starting to see less and less of the redhead. Though she was blonde, she could still see what was going on...even if Willow couldn't yet. She knew that Willow would tell her when she was ready. In the meantime, she just tried to get herself to be more comfortable with it. After all, she was still just Willow.

Then, one not so special night, Willow decided to take the first step. She wasn't sure where life would take her if she chose to persue a relationship with Tarar, but she was more afraid of letting her go. They were lying side by side on Tara's bed and the room was silent. It was just a lull in conversation, but it wasn't awkward. It was serene...until Willow broke the silence.
"Tara?" she said.
"Hmm?" Tara asked turning her face toward the redhead's. Willow didn't look at her. Instead she chose to stare at the ceiling.
"I have to ask you something important. I don't know exactly how you're going to take it, but I want to ask you," Willow said quietly.
"It couldn't hurt to ask," Tara replied.
"It could," Willow said. Tara just waited patiently for her to continue. "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out to dinner with me, you know, sometime this week maybe," she asked. She held her breath as she waited those painful seconds for Tara's reply.
"You mean like a friend thing, or like a...date?" Tara asked as her heart rate increased.
"Um...the second one," Willow answered timidly. Tara didn't know what to say. She knew what she wanted to say, but her words escaped her lips.
"I didn't know you were...you know," Tara said raising her eyebrows as if that was a sufficient means of communicating her point. "But I'd love to go with you," Tara continued.
"Really?" Willow asked looking back to Tara.
"Really," she replied.

They had a long talk that night and went on their date the next week. Everything was as good as they could have expected. The food was great and the company, for both, was unbeatable. From then on they continued to see each other. Things got better and better between them and soon they came out to their friends...who already pretty much knew, but conveyed their support anyway.

########################################END FLASHBACK###############################

"You're such a dork," Tara said smiling when Willow finished the story.
"Why?" Willow asked pretending to be offended.
"You were all scared. 'Do you wanna be my girlfriend?'," Tara said mocking her.
"I didn't know you were a raging homosexual," Willow teased back.
"What's a raging homosexual?" Jason asked from behind the couch. Tara quickly removed the baby from her breast and pulled down her shirt. They both turned around. They had no idea how to answer him. Before the kids were born Willow and Tara promised each other that they would always be honest with their kids when they asked a question, but now they were finding it difficult to live up to that.
"It's just boring grown-up stuff. We'll tell you when you're a grown up," Tara said.
"Good save," Willow whispered.
"What are you doing down here anyway? I thought you were playing upstairs," Tara said.
"I wanted milk. Can you get me some Mommy?"
"Sure honey," Tara said. She passed the baby to Willow and went into the kitchen. Willow held the baby close and kissed her head. Alexis was slowly drifting off to sleep. Her head was rolling from side to side in Willow's arms. She began to rock Alexis back and forth. The warmth of her body made the baby fall completely asleep. Willow was about to doze off too, but Tara and Jason returned and snapped her out of it. Jason quickly finished his milk and went back upstairs to play.
"It's only seven honey. Are you tired?" Tara asked.
"Yeah. It's been a long day," she replied softly. "I'm gonna go put her up in her crib," Willow said referring to Alexis.
"I'll come with you," Tara said.

They walked lazily up the stairs and into Alexis's room. Willow set her gently on the blankets of her crib and covered her up. The light was off and so the room was only lit by the hall light. Willow stroked the baby's head and looked at her adoringly.
"Do you want to go lie down?" Tara whispered.
"With you?" Willow asked.
"Of course."
"Okay. Let's go," Willow replied before kissing Alexis on the head and walking out.

When they got to their own room Willow fell onto the bed in exhaustion. Tara climbed on top of her and kissed her. Willow felt the heat emanating from between Tara's legs.
"I love you," she said afterward.
"What was that for?" Willow asked as she held onto Tara tightly.
"Just because," Tara replied. Willow smiled and kissed her softly...at first. Then things became more intense as Willow pulled Tara more fully on top of her.
"Baby, we can't now," Tara whispered. She didn't want to stop, but Jason was still awake and he may need another glass of milk soon.
"I know," Willow replied. "We can make out though. We haven't done that in a while because you always make it go further," she added.
"Me?" Tara asked in disbelief. "Who is always the one to have to stop us. In all of the twelve years that we've been together I don't think you've ever been the one to calm things down."
"Well it's not my fault I want you twenty-four hours a day now is it? That's your fault," Willow teased.
"I hear cold showers work great for that."
"Are you gonna come with me?" Willow asked winking.
"I think that kind of defeats the purpose," Tara replied. After all of the playful teasing, Willow decided that she missed Tara's lips and they started making out again. They tried with every last effort to prevent things from going any further. The fire inside of them was growing hotter and less extinguishable as their tongues searched mouths. Then, Willow pulled away.
"I think we should stop now," she said smirking. Tara bent down and started kissing her again until Willow turned her head. "This is exactly why I'm never the one to stop us. It's too damn hard. Not to mention that I don't want to stop. Besides, I stopped us that one time when we almost had our first time. I'll bet you forgot all about that didn't you?" she continued. Tara rolled off to the side of Willow and turned to face her.
"You're right. I have to give you credit for that. It wasn't the right time and you knew how important it was to me."
"To us," Willow corrected.

######################################FLASHBACK###################################

Tara's dorm room was pitch black except for her dim fairly lights that were strewn about the walls. Neither of them really noticed the condition of the room, however, because their eyes were locked on each other's. Willow had just walked Tara back to her room after their hundredth date. They had been going out for about three and a half months now. It seemed like the perfect time to take things a little further. They'd already gotten to the kissing stage and they were enjoying it just fine, but sometimes the ache between their legs just couldn't be ignored. There were dozens of times when Willow would return to her room after a date with Tara and she'd rush to the dorm restrooms for a cold shower.

They both thought tonight was the night. The alcohol on their breaths mingled between them. They had been out at the club on this particular date and they were both a little tipsy.

Finally, the intense stare ceased as Willow moved forward to capture Tara's lips. She kept backing up with their lips locked until she hit the wall. She jumped slightly at the contact. Her hot skin met the cool wall where her shirt was open in the back. The front, however, was hot as Willow's body pressed closer to hers. They stumbled from the front of the room to Tara's bed and fell onto it. Willow was on top at the moment until Tara flipped her onto her back. She began to undo the button on Willow's jeans while kissing her until a pair of uncertain hands stopped her motions.
"What's wrong?" Tara asked. She was very aroused and a little drunk so maybe she didn't realize that things weren't right, but, luckily, Willow did.
"We shouldn't do this now," Willow whispered.
"Why not? Is it too soon?" Tara asked.
"No. It's definitely not that. It's just that...I know you don't want it to happen like this. I don't either. You know we're not thinking clearly. We'll both regret this in the morning if we keep going. Okay?" Willow said.
"Okay. I know. You're right," Tara said. She got off of Willow and sat with her back against the headboard.
"We should both get some sleep. I'm gonna head back to my room now okay?" Willow said standing from the bed. She gave Tara a kiss and started to walk away.
"Wait," Tara called after her. Willow turned around to face her. "Can you stay? Please," Tara asked. Willow just sighed and nodded. She lay down on the bed next to Tara and snuggled close to her.

###################################END FLASHBACK######################################

"I'm so glad you stopped us. We really would have regretted it for a very long time." Willow just nodded in agreement. After a moment, she spoke.
"It's getting late. It's already nine. We should get Jason to bed. He has to get up early for school tomorrow. He's proabably already asleep on his legos again."

"Good call," Tara said as they walked into his room and found him asleep on the floor. Willow knelt down and shook him lightly.
"Jason, honey. It's time to put on your jammies," she said. Jason woke up and rubbed his eyes.
"Do I have to Mom?"
"Yes. You have to," she replied gently. She helped him into a standing position. Then, he changed into the Spiderman pajamas that his uncle Xander got him for his birthday and hopped onto the bed.
"Goodnight Jason," Willow said as she tucked him in.
"Can you tell me a story Mommy?" Jason asked sleepily.
"Okay, but only one," Tara replied.
"Yay," he cheered. Willow took a seat in the chair by Jason's desk while Tara sat on Jason's bed.

"A long long time ago there was a little man who loved science. He wanted to know everything there was to know about how things worked. But he especially wanted to know where lightning came from. So one day he went to the mountain and started climbing it to get to the sky where the lightning came from. After many months he finally got to the top of the mountain, but he didn't see any lightning. Suddenly, a stairway appeared in front of him. It lead to the clouds. He climed the stairs and soon he was in the most beautiful place. The sky was the bluest blue that he'd ever seen...just like your eyes. And he was the only one there. He walked around searching for lightning when he ran into a man. This man looked a little like him, but he was much taller and older.
'Excuse me,' he said. 'Can you tell me where I am?'
'This place doesn't have a name,' the man replied. 'How did you get here?' he asked.
'There was a stairway on the mountain. I was looking for the secret of lightning and I ended up here,' he answered.
'You won't find the lightning here,' said the man. 'Nobody can find the secret of lightning. Nobody is foolish enough to look. Sometimes it is the things that are a mystery that make life enjoyable,' he continued. Then he left. The man thought about this for a few moments. Maybe the old man was right. What if lightning was a secret for a reason? If he had discovered the secret of lightning would it be as exciting as wondering? With this the man wandered back to the stairway and went back to the mountain. He climbed down it slowly and went back to his house. Then, the next day, as he was sitting outside, a lightning bold streaked across the sky. The man smiled and wondered...just as he used to."

By the time she was done with her story Jason had already fallen asleep, but Willow sat in wonder. Tara kissed Jason on the cheek and followed Willow to their room.
"That was a great story. You never told me that one before," Willow said as they crawled into bed.
"I just thought of it. Is it as good as the story about the lost kitty?" Tara asked.
"Almost," Willow said kissing Tara ont he lips. "I love you," she added.
"I love you too baby. Goodnight," Tara replied as she turned off the light.

**************************************************************************************
Well there's the update kittens. What do you think. Let me know. ASH

[VixenyTarasHot]

Aaasshleeeeeyyyyy.. its hard not to type out Ashleigh.. I'm like... *backspace backspace* lol

Anywho, cute updates! Sorry I missed the last one, I dunno what I was doin!
They were both very cute though. Poor Tara gettin all defensive about the whole sex thing.. I get that it sucks, but they got two kids, what do they expect? Tara's right about having to wait till the lil one is older, but Willow is also right with the wanting of it, and it sucking that its so few and far between lol
And the flashback was cool.. to see how they met and stuff. Always love those cutesy moments. One thing I thought was interesting is that you made Buffy know before Willow told her. That's new. Not a bad thing though lol

Anyways, you know I love to read more even if I do have a billion things to do so more soonish please
Ashleigh

[Tonto]

Yay! You updated both stories on the same day! How did we get so lucky?

"You're such a dork," Tara said smiling when Willow finished the story.
"Why?" Willow asked pretending to be offended.
"You were all scared. 'Do you wanna be my girlfriend?'," Tara said mocking her.
"I didn't know you were a raging homosexual," Willow teased back.

I loved these lines!

Wonderful update as always............I can't wait for more!

[darkwillow6]

Hey everybody. Here's my update just like I promised. I hope you like it. I don't exactly know how well it's going to turn out because I'm having a little bit of writer's block right now. I hope you checked out Confused Passions. I put up a really long update today. Well here's your update.

*****************************************************************October 2nd 2005

The next morning Willow woke up to see her beautiful wife right there next to her just like every morning. Her chest was slowly rising and falling with each breath she took. Willow cherished these moments. She never knew how long it would be before the children woke up. Tara's eyes finally opened and she saw Willow looking at her intensely.
"What?" she asked sleepily.
"Nothing. I was just waiting for you to wake up so I could kiss you," Willow replied.
"Well I'm awake and I don't feel any lips," Tara said smiling. Willow giggled and bent down to kiss her. When they broke apart Willow looked at her sadly.
"What's wrong baby?" Tara asked.
"Today is the last day of my vacation. I have to go back to work tomorrow. I really don't want to go."
"I don't want you to go either baby, but you don't want to get fired."
"I know. I'll just milk today for all it's worth," Willow replied smiling.

They finally got out of bed and went downstairs. Jason was already down there watching some cartoons.
"Are you all ready for school Jason?" Willow asked as she followed Tara into the kitchen.
"Yes Mom."
"Come eat some cereal," Tara said.
"Coming," Jason said as he finally tore his eyes away from the television and ran to the kitchen.
"Gimme a hug my big boy," Willow said when he entered. She knelt down and took the boy into her arms.
"I love you Mom," he said kissing her cheek.
"I love you too honey." Willow picked him up and handed him to Tara. "Give Mommy a kiss," she instructed. He wrapped his small arms around her neck and kissed her as well.
"Now go sit at the table," Tara said. "What kind of cereal do you want?"
"Cocoa Krispies," Jason said as he bounced up and down in his chair.
"Of course," Tara said as she passed by all of the boxes of healthy cereal and pulled out the chocolately cereal.
"Thank you Mommy," Jason said as Tara set the bowl down in front of him.
"You're welcome sweetie," she replied smiling.
"What do you want for breakfast?" Tara asked Willow.
"I know what I want, but it isn't in the kitchen," she replied quietly. Tara blushed and swatted Willow on the butt.
"Stop that," Tara said.
"Well in that case...I guess I'll just have some oatmeal," Willow said. "I'll go up and get Alexis."
"Okay. Thanks baby," Tara called after her.

A few minutes later Willow arrived in the kitchen with a sleeping baby in her arms.
"She doesn't wanna wake up," Willow said quietly.
"Do you want me to take her?" Tara asked.
"Only if you want me to finish breakfast," she replied.
"You'd better hold her," Tara replied jokingly. Willow pretended to be offended and "stomped" off to the kitchen table.
"That was low," Willow said playfully.
"I know," Tara replied.

They had a quick breakfast and then Willow loaded Jason and his bag into the car so she could take him to school.
"Bye Mommy," Jason called over his shoulder.
"Bye honey. Have fun at school," she said just before the door shut.

"So what are you gonna do at school today?" Willow asked as she drove.
"I don't know. I think we're going to play music today. The teacher said that I can play the drums," Jason replied.
"That's cool," Willow said. "Did you know that Mommy's birthday is coming up soon?" she asked.
"When?" Jason asked.
"This weekend. It's on August 27th. She's going to be thirty-two," Willow said.
"Wow. That's a lot of years," Jason replied.
"Yup. It is, but your mommy is still very beautiful for her age. What should we do for Mommy's birthday?"
"We can take her to Chuck E. Cheese's," Jason suggested.
"I don't know if Mommy would have fun there. We're too big for the rides."
"We could have a party at our house and invite Aunt Buffy and Aunt Anya and Uncle Xander."
"That sounds very fun. I'll tell Aunt Buffy to come over tonight and you can ask her if she wants to come to Mommy's party okay?"
"Okay," Jason replied.
"But you have to promise you won't tell Mommy. It's a surprise okay? Do you promise?"
"I promise Mom," he said. Willow pulled into the parking lot of the school and helped Jason out.
"How come you're getting out Mom?"
"Your teacher wanted to talk to me about something," Willow said.
"Are you in trouble?" Willow laughed at this.
"I don't think so," she said.

They entered the classroom and Jason kissed his mom goodbye and went to his desk. A tall brunette woman approached her.
"Hi. You must be Mrs. Rosenberg."
"Yes. I am. And you must be Mrs. Jacobs," Willow replied shaking the woman's hand.
"Yes. Let me just get to the point Mrs. Rosenberg. There are some things that I really have to talk to you about. Do you think that you could come by after school today and we could have a conference?" she asked.
"I don't know about that. I kind of need to be at home tonight. I go back to work tomorrow and there are some things that I need to take care of," Willow said.
"It's really important that I talk to you Mrs. Rosenberg. I'll have to insist on setting up an appointment soon. Is there any way that Jason's father could come?" she asked. Willow blushed deeply.
"Um...why don't you just come by for dinner. We can talk then. Is that okay?" Willow asked.
"That will be fine. When would you like me to come by?"
"Well, I guess around seven would be okay."
"Alright. I'll see you then," the woman replied. Willow nodded and walked out to the car.

"Hey honey. Did Jason get to class okay?"
"Yeah," Willow said approaching Tara. She was sitting on the couch feeding the baby. "She sure eats a lot, but then again if that were my food source I would too," she said smirking. Tara just shook her head.
"So what did the teacher want to talk to us about?" Tara asked.
"I don't know. I told her to come by for dinner tonight so that she could talk to both of us," Willow replied.
"I don't think that's a great idea Willow," Tara said.
"Why not?"
"Because both of Jason's parents are female. I know we've been together a long time, but some people just don't accept that. We can't just belive that everyone will be okay with that."
"It doesn't matter Tara. She has to be okay with it. He's our son and there's nothing she can do about that," Willow assured her.
"I hope you're right," Tara replied.

Later that day Tara went to pick up Jason because Willow was busy doing some work on the computer. When she arrived outside the school she quickly spotted Jason.
"Hey honey," she said picking him up. "How was school?"
"It was fun. After music class they let us paint. I made you a picture," Jason replied.
"Can I see it?"
"No," Jason replied.
"Why not?" Tara asked.
"Because I'm going to give it to you on your birthday."
"Aww. You're so sweet honey. How did you know my birthday was coming up?"
"Mom told me. She said you're turning thirty-two, but you're still the most beautifullest thing she's ever seen...or something," Jason replied. Tara felt some tears of joy stinging at her eyes.
'She really said that?' Tara thought to herself.

Just then Mrs. Jacobs found them.
"Um. Hi. Are you here for Jason?" she asked.
"Yes," Tara replied.
"Mrs. Rosenberg didn't mention that she was having a relative pick him up today."
"Well she was busy doing some computer work so she stayed home with the baby and I came for Jason."
"What is your relation to Jason?" Mrs. Jacobs asked.
"Well, I guess Willow didn't say much about me," Tara said quietly. "I'm Jason's mother," Tara replied.
"You mean stepmother?"
"No."
"So Willow is his stepmother?"
"Um...no," Tara replied not wanting to get into this now, but didn't see much of a choice. "Willow and I live together. We are both Jason's parents," she said preparing for the barrage of questions.
"How are both of you Jason's parents?"
"That's a longer conversation than I feel like getting into at the moment. Willow told me that you're coming for dinner. Why don't we talk about it then."
"Sure," the woman said now feeling a little uneasy.
"Okay then. It was nice meeting you," Tara said. She put Jason in the car and drove home.

"Why didn't you tell her about us when you went today. I thought that she already knew. You just invited her to dinner without telling her first?" Tara asked as she slammed the office door.
"Baby calm down," Willow said turning in her chair.
"You want me to calm down? Do you have any idea how embarassing that was?"
"I'm sorry baby. I didn't think that you would see her there. Jason is usually just waiting there with some friends. I didn't know."
"You should have told her Willow."
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Please don't be mad. Pretty please. Will you forgive me? I didn't mean to embarass you."
"Just be more careful with what you say...and don't say. That's all I ask. I'm going to go downstairs and make some dinner. She should be here in a couple of hours. This is going to be a hell of a long night Rosenberg." Willow stood from her chair and stopped Tara from leaving.
"Baby, don't go away mad. Come here," Willow said hugging her tightly. "I'm sorry. I don't want things to keep being like this. We've been fighting a lot lately and it's starting to scare me."
"I know. We just have to get it out of our systems. I'll see you downstairs. Bring Alexis down when you're finished with your work," Tara said without any discernable emotion.
"Okay," Willow replied simply. Then Tara was gone. Willow sat back down in her chari and put her head in her hands. "What is going on with us lately?" Willow asked herself.

An hour later Tara was finished making dinner. She made chicken and rice with peas and tater tots.

Soon there was a knock at the door and Tara went to get it.
"Mrs. Jacobs. Hi. Come in," Tara said. The woman seemed to be uncomfortable, but tried to hide it. "Make yourself at home. I've just finished dinner," she continued. Mrs. Jacobs sat down in the living room on the couch. "Can I get you something to drink?"
"Water please," she replied. Tara nodded and went off toward the kitchen. On the way she stopped by the stairs.
"Willow. Dinner's ready. Bring Alexis down," she yelled.
"Okay," Willow replied. Tara continued on to the kitchen and poured a glass of water with some ice and returned to Mrs. Jacobs.
"Thank you," the woman replied.
"You're welcome," Tara said. "Would you like to come into the kitchen? Dinner is ready." Mrs. Jacobs smiled gratefully and followed her into the kitchen. Tara took off her apron and hung it on a hook next to the stove. "You can just take a seat anywhere," Tara informed. Mrs. Jacobs sat in one of the three chairs nearest to the window.
"Jason still uses a highchair?" the woman asked when she spotted the one to her left.
"Oh. No. That's Alex's. She's the baby."
"So why are there only three chairs? Jason isn't here?"
"No. Jason went to stay with his Uncle Xander and his wife for tonight. I figured that you would want to talk to us alone. Willow made it sound really important." Mrs. Jacobs just nodded.

A moment later Willow entered the room carrying Alexis. She carefully extended one of her hands toward Mrs. Jacobs.
"I'm glad you made it," she said shaking her hand.
"You have a very beautiful house," she said.
"Oh, thank you. We bought it just before Jason was born," Willow replied. Tara fixed a plate for each of them and Willow helped to carry them to the table after setting Alexis in the highchair.
"Thank you very much. This looks delicious," Mrs. Jacobs said. Willow and Tara sat down across from her.
"Thank you."
"Tara's a really wonderful cook. She cooks like this every night," Willow bragged.
"So what is it that you needed to talk to us about?" Tara asked trying to keep the focus away from her.
"Well...it's not so much a problem anymore."
"What isn't?" Willow asked.
"I um...I gave the class an assignment last week where the students were supposed to draw their families. There was no father in Jason's picture so I thought maybe something had happened a long time ago when he was little and he doesn't remember his father. Instead, there were two women in the picture. I just assumed that one was like an aunt or a godmother or something. When I asked Jason about his father he said that he didn't have one. How long ago did the divorce occur? And at what point did you two start dating?"
"We always tell Jason anything that he wants to know...within reason of course. We wouldn't hide something like that from him. Tara and I started dating twelve years ago before Jason was even thought about," Willow answered.
"So...if you were dating before he was born then that must be why you've never told him right? Because there is infidelity involved?" she asked.
"Whoa whoa whoa. Who said anything about infidelity?" Tara asked.
"Well what other reason would there be? Was there some sort of separation between you during which Jason was conceived?"
"Um...no. We've been together for the whole twelve years. We have our disagreements like everyone else, but I've never cheated on her and she's never cheated on me."
"That doesn't make any sense. How can Jason not know anything about his father? And how could he have been conceived if neither one of you saw other people? Is he adopted...or was it artificial insemination?"
"This is getting to be kind of personal," Willow said sheepishly.
"I don't mean to pry into your private lives, but I just don't think it's healthy for Jason to believe that he doesn't have a father."
"Okay fine. Jason isn't adopted and neither of us participated in artificial insemination. The thing is...he was created from both of us. I couldn't even begin to explain this to you, but Jason really doesn't have a father. Both of us are his parents."
"So which one of you gave birth to him?"
"Tara," Willow answered.
"And Alexis?"
"Tara," she said again. "I could never handle child birth. It's just way too painful for me."
"Well...I don't understand how exactly this is possible, but I guess I'll have to take your word for it."
"I'm sorry it's not easier to understand, but the whole thing is really complicated."
"I see."
"So that was all then? Jason is doing fine in school and everything?" Tara asked.
"Oh yes. He is very bright. He seems to enjoy school a lot."
"Yeah. I think he gets that from Willow," Tara replied.

The rest of dinner went smoothly. Or at least as smoothly as one could expect considering the information that had been shared. After some ice cream they both walked Mrs. Jacobs to the door and thanked her for her concern. When she was finally out of sight Tara leaned against the door and sighed.
"I told you it would be hell," Tara said.
"It wasn't that bad," Willow said leaning forward to kiss Tara. As they pulled apart Tara felt Alexis pulling on her shirt. "Looks like someone's hungry."

They decided to feed her in her room tonight so that they could put her right to bed afterward. It wasn't long before they were snuggling up in bed.
"Sooo tired," Tara said.
"Aww. Poor baby," Willow said pulling Tara closer to her. "Get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning for breakfast," she continued kissing Tara's forehead.
"I love you," Tara whispered.
"Is it a secret?" Willow asked referring to Tara's hushed tone.
"Well there's no need for me to yell. You're right here," Tara said. "Go to sleep. You're annoying me," she continued.
"Okay. I love you too baby." They were soon fast asleep and completely relaxed.

[Tonto]

Hey there! It's been a long time. I was patiently waiting and I was more than happily rewarded!

The update was full of absolute and wonderful cuteness!

"What?" she asked sleepily.
"Nothing. I was just waiting for you to wake up so I could kiss you," Willow replied.
"Well I'm awake and I don't feel any lips," Tara said smiling.

"She sure eats a lot, but then again if that were my food source I would too," she said smirking. Tara just shook her head.

"Mom told me. She said you're turning thirty-two, but you're still the most beautifullest thing she's ever seen...or something," Jason replied.

"Tara," she said again. "I could never handle child birth. It's just way too painful for me."

So cute and so very true!

"I love you," Tara whispered.
"Is it a secret?" Willow asked referring to Tara's hushed tone.
"Well there's no need for me to yell. You're right here," Tara said. "Go to sleep. You're annoying me," she continued.

I hope your writer's block doesn't last very long because I really love this story. I can't wait for the next update. I really want to find out what Willow does for a living and how the birthday preparations go and the eventual birthday. Not that I'm complaining but I just realized that we haven't met Buffy or the other scoobies yet. How are they coping in their adult lives.

I hope you continue........I can't wait for more!

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Yay!!!
i started reading this story a couple weeks ago, and finally caught up...stupid Jason's teacher, i don't think i like her, she was not very nice to Willow and Tara; but i guess that kinda thing must happen, but i still don't have to like it....
anyway, this story is great, please update soon!!!!!!

[Emms]

Well Poo-Poo on Mrs. Jacobs. You'd think she'd be more in touch with what's going on in today’s world, being a teacher and all.....of course there are gay parents and children of gay parents do go to school just like everyone else. Who in the frilly-heck does she think she is?! (is there steam coming out of my ears yet?)

I have to say this....but I don't really agree with Tara. Willow shouldn't have had to tell the teacher anything about her sexual preference. It's none of Mrs. Jacobs business. But I do think that Willow and Tara should have talked about whether or not anyone at the school was to be told of their circumstances.

Good update sweetie. And sheesh, your Willow and Tara are a wordy couple!! (remember that came from someone who despises writing dialogue more than she despises anything else in the world)

I'm intrigued to see where this story is going to go.

Cheers!
xoxo
Emms

[hahler]

i know what the girls went through the same thing happened to my step-daughter at school when she was in the 6th grade. my permission slip was questioned and she was threatened with an F for a grade because i wasnt the mom or dad. it was straightened out rather quickly by the principal and both of us after a confrontation.

i like how you are hitting on the childs side of things and what they would go through in todays society.

good job
update quickly please


hahler

[darkwillow6]

Hello everyone. You know how the holidays make you feel all warm and fuzzy? I want to write something cute now. Well, this is going to be a really long update. It's going to start out all cute and cuddly, but this is where Willow and Tara start to have some really serious problems. That's your forewarning. Don't worry though, all will be resolved. I'd like to update Confused Passions also, but I don't know if I'll be able to because I let my friend borrow the book. I'll have to see if I can do it from memory. Anyway, here's your update. I hope it's not too heartbreaking.

**************************************************************November 27th 2005

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*


Willow quickly hit the button on the alarm clock and she sighed before putting her head back down on her pillow. A couple of seconds later she turned to Tara to make sure that the noise hadn't waken her up. When she was just an inch or two away from her lover's face, Tara turned and flipped Willow onto her back, effectively pinning her to the matress.
"You are such a faker," Willow said, "And you scared the hell out of me," she continued as her heart pounded. Tara put her ear to Willow's chest and heard the erratic heartbeat.
"So I did," Tara concluded smiling. She then gave Willow a kiss on the lips.
"Good morning to you too," Willow said breathlessly. Tara leaned closer to Willow for another kiss when she felt Willow's hand on her lips. Tara gave her a questioning glance. "I have work today baby. I have to get ready. No distractions," Willow explained. She got out of the bed and went in search of some clothes to wear to work.
"I don't understand why you can't just work from home," Tara said from her position on the bed. "We have a computer here," she continued.
"If I did my work here, then I would never get anything done."
"Because of the kids?" Tara asked.
"That's not the only reason. Do you remember the last time I tried to do my work here at the house because it was snowing outside?"
"Vaguely," Tara said smirking.
"You brought me some hot cocoa and then you tried to seduce me."
"Correction... I did seduce you," Tara replied.
"You're not helping your case," Willow said walking into their bathroom that was connected at the back right of their room. She left the door open a crack as she changed for work. Tara walked in behind her and locked the bathroom door.
"Can't you just take one more day off?" Tara begged. She pushed Willow's naked body to the cold counter behind her causing the redhead to shiver.
"I wish I could," she breathed, "but it's a really important week. I might be getting a promotion which means--"
"More hours," Tara interrupted.
"And more money," Willow said.
"You're already away too often. Now you're going to work more hours? We're doing fine with the money you make. You're going to miss out on watching the kids grow up. You're going to come home one day and they'll both be teenagers and you're going to wonder where you've been the whole time. The answer is going to be 'work'. I don't want that," Tara said sadly.
"Can we please not do this now? I have to get ready. We'll talk about it tonight," Willow said.
"Fine," Tara replied almost coldly. She sighed and left to go wake up Jason.


As she stepped into his dark room she felt something hard and plastic poke into the bottom of her foot.
"Ow!" she said in a hoarse whisper. She hobbled over to Jason's bed and sat down next to him.
"Wake up sweetie," Tara said quietly as she nudged his shoulder. He turned onto his back and looked up at his mother.
"Is it time to get ready for school already Mommy?" he asked sleepily.
"Yup. Let's get you dressed and ready to go okay? And when you get home today I want you to clean your room," Tara said.
"Okay," Jason replied hopping out of his bed.
"Give me a hug," Tara said holding her arms open for the little boy. He took the invitation and hugged his mother tightly.
"Is Mom going back to work today?" he asked sadly.
"Yes honey. She has to," Tara replied. Jason pouted. Tara gave him a sad smile and then helped him get ready for school. He wore his favorite Scooby Doo t-shirt and black cargo pants.
"Is she going to be home for your birthday Mommy?" Jason asked after a while.
"Yeah. She will be. Do you want to go see if she's finished getting ready?" Jason nodded and Tara carried the small boy to her bedroom. Willow was sitting on the bed putting on her shoes.
"I'm ready for school Mom," Jason said when Tara put him down. Willow kissed him on the forehead and stood from the bed.
"Let's go down and get some breakfast before we go," she said to him.


When they arrived in the kitchen Jason sat at the table while Willow put two Pop-Tarts into the toaster for him. Tara was standing next to her as she poured some milk into his favorite cup. She wouldn't look at her wife. Willow sighed and turned to her.
"Don't be like this," she said quietly, "Would you be happier if I quit my job and we all had to live on the streets? Because I can do that if you want me to." She waited expectantly for Tara to give her an answer.
"How can you say something like that? You know that you're exaggerating. I tell you that I don't want you to work more hours so you automatically assume that I want you to quit your job. I know you need to work, but I will not have these kids grow up the way you did," Tara scolded quietly.
"What's wrong with the way I grew up? Look where I am. Do I look like I had a bad childhood. At least he isn't growing up the way you grew up," Willow said. A single tear fell from Tara's eye and rolled down her cheek. She glared at Willow for a second before running up to her bedroom and locking the door.


Willow sighed loudly and ran her fingers through her hair.
"I don't have time for this," she said to herself. "Come on Jason. It's time to go," she said to her son.
"I didn't finish my Pop-Tart yet Mom," Jason replied.
"Take it with you," Willow said, picking him up and carrying him to the car with his breakfast in his hand.


She put his seatbelt across him and shut the door softly.
"Why didn't Mommy say goodbye to me?" Jason asked.
"She's just sad because I have to go back to work today. She'll feel better this afternoon. Oh, and I forgot to call Aunt Buffy the other night. So when you get home I want you to call her and ask her if she wants to come to Mommy's party okay?"
"But Mommy said I have to clean my room when I get home," Jason replied.
"Well you can do that after. It won't take long to call her. I'll tell Mommy so you don't get in trouble."
"Okay," Jason said. The rest of the ride was quiet as Willow replayed their most recent fight in her mind. Before she knew it, they had arrived at the school. Jason gave her a kiss and waved goodbye as he walked to his classroom.


Finally, Willow let it all out. The last couple of days had not been so good between her and Tara. Willow cried like she would never stop. It had been so long since she had done it that it all came out in waves. Things would only get worse as time went on. She was dreading her talk with Tara tonight. She knew that she had to appologize for the things that she said earlier, but it was going to be a much longer conversation than that.


She parked her car in the company's parking lot and wiped the tears from her eyes. Hopefully Tara will be calmed down by the time she got home that afternoon, but she had a feeling that she wouldn't be so lucky. She took a deep breath and walked through the doors of the Pixar studio.


Back at the house, Tara had just finished crying as well. Her feelings were hurt beyond repair this time. Why did Willow have to bring up her family? She knew how painful it was for Tara to think about and yet she did it anyway. They were going to have a serious talk tonight. She felt bad for storming out while Jason was there eating his breakfast, but the whole thing took her by surprise. Finally, she opened the door of her bedroom and went to get Alexis. Her voice still held a hint of sadness as she spoke to the wiggling infant.
"Hi there honey. How long have you been awake?" she asked taking the baby into her arms and cradling her. She sat down in the rocking chair in the far corner of the large room and began to feed the baby as she rocked back and forth. The sun was already up by now and it shone brightly through the thin curtains of the room. Tara sighed. "It's going to be a long day," she said out loud.


It was now halfway through the day and Willow was still sitting at her computer. She had just finished some new 3D characters for a new cartoon movie. It was finally lunch time so she saved her work, closed down the 3D Studio Max program, and headed to the cafe. She bought herself a bagel and sat at a table in the far corner. Taking out her cell phone, she began to dial the home number.


Tara heard the phone ring just as she was getting out of the shower. She looked at the Caller ID. She thought for a second about whether she wanted to answer or not. Finally, she sighed and picked up the phone.
"Hello?" she said with no emotion.
"Hey," Willow began, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings this morning," she continued quietly.
"Oh. Okay. All better," Tara replied sarcastically.
"Tara. I'm not trying to make it all better. I know that 'sorry' isn't enough. Things haven't been so good between us lately. I know that you've realized that. I don't want us to grow apart okay?" Willow pleaded.
"I don't want to talk about this now. I just got out of the shower. I have to go pick up Jason in a half hour. We'll talk about it tonight after Jason goes to sleep," Tara replied.
"Alright. Later is good. I love you," Willow said hoping that Tara would say it back even if she was still angry. Tara paused for a few seconds before responding.
"I love you too. Bye," she said softly before haning up the phone. She put her head in her hands and groaned in frustration. Then she got up to finish getting dressed. Willow just finished her lunch and went back to work.


A half hour later, as promised, Tara left to pick up her little boy from school. She smiled softly when she pulled up and saw him playing rock-paper-scissors with another little boy. She parked the car and walked over to him.
"Hi Mommy," Jason said running into her arms. "This is my friend Michael, Mommy," he said pointing to the little boy. "Can he come over and play someday?" he continued.
"Of course honey. First me and Mom have to talk to his parents though okay?" Jason nodded his head. Then, he waved goodbye to Michael and got in the car.


"Do you feel better Mommy?" Jason asked from the back seat.
"Yes sweetheart. I feel better now. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye to you this morning."
"It's okay. Mom said that you were sad because she had to go back to work. I was sad too. What time is she coming home?" Jason asked stroking Alex's head. She wiggled her fists and gurgled.
"Well, I'm going to go home and cook dinner. She'll probably be home before I'm finished," Tara said, hoping that she was right.


When they got home, Jason went into his room to pick up his toys. When he was finished he went to the kitchen to find Tara.
"Mommy, can I call Aunt Buffy?" Jason asked.
"For what?" Tara asked suspiciously.
"Just to talk," Jason said giving Tara his best puppy dog eyes.
"Stop looking at me like that. You know I can't resist that pitiful look," Tara said laughing. "Go ahead and call her," she continued.
"Thank you Mommy," he said taking the cordless phone and running into the living room.


He sat down on the couch and dialed his aunt's number. It rang twice before the blonde woman came on the other end.
"Hello?"
"Hi Aunt Buffy," Jason said excitedly.
"Hey Jason. What's up little guy?" Buffy asked.
"I have to tell you a secret, but you have to promise that you won't tell Mommy okay?" Jason whispered as he looked toward the kitchen.
"I promise," Buffy said.
"Shhh. Whisper. Mommy might hear you."
"Sorry," Buffy whispered. "Now what's the secret?"
"Mom said she wanted you to come to Mommy's birthday party this weekend. Can you come?"
"Of course I can come to your mommy's party. Is your mom there?" Buffy asked.
"No. She's still at work. Mommy said she'll be home soon."
"Okay. Well tell her to call me when she comes home okay?"
"Okay Aunt Buffy," Jason replied. "I love you."
"I love you too. Bye," she replied, hanging up.


As soon as Jason brought the phone into the kitchen, he heard the front door open.
"Yay! Mom's home," Jason yelled running toward the front door.
"Hi honey," Willow said scooping the boy up into her arms and placing wet kisses all over his face.
"Ewww," Jason said as he squirmed in her arms. "I called Aunt Buffy. She said she could come," Jason whispered. "She wants you to call her," he continued.
"Okay. I'll call her," Willow replied setting Jason down. He ran to the kitchen where Tara was just finishing dinner. Willow was close behind. "Hi baby," Willow said.
"Hey. How was work?" she asked.
"Fine. Kind of boring. I've been working on the same thing since before my vacation. How was your day?" Willow asked kissing Tara softly on the cheek.
"It was okay. Dinner is almost ready. Why don't you sit down."
"I'll be right in. I have to call Buffy first," Willow said. Tara just nodded her head and continued to set the table.


Willow sat in her bedroom with the phone and called Buffy.
"So Jason tells me you're coming to the party," Willow said.
"Yeah. Just let me know when it is."
"It's Saturday afternoon. It's gonna be a surprise party. I'm not a hundred percent sure that it's going to happen though," Willow said sadly.
"Why not?" Buffy asked, confused. Willow sighed and began to explain.
"Tara and I are having some problems right now. I don't want it to ruin her birthday though. Most of it is about my job."
"What about it?" Buffy asked.
"She's worried that I'll end up like my parents. She doesn't want Jason to feel distanced from me like I did from my parents. I don't blame her for feeling that way, but I don't know what else to do. I can't just quit my job. I'm working for a reason. Hopefully I'll figure something out. We haven't talked much about it yet," she explained.
"I'm sorry to hear that Will. I'm sure things will get better. Maybe you're both just moody because of the kids."
"Probably," Willow agreed. "Tell Xander, Anya, Dawn, and Giles about the party okay?"
"Okay Will."
"I'm gonna go now. Tara made dinner. I'll talk to you later."
"Okay. Bye. Good luck," Buffy responded before hanging up the phone.


Willow went back downstairs and the family ate dinner in silence except for Willow's compliments on the taste of the food, which she hoped would earn her some forgiveness points. They gave Jason some ice cream for dessert and then they sent him up to brush his teeth. A half an hour later he was finally asleep. Now was the moment. Willow and Tara settled into bed with Alex between them.
"Are you ready to talk?" Willow asked looking into her wife's eyes.

**************************************************************************************

That's it for now kittens. Hopefully I'll have some more free time this week. Things are really starting to roll along with this story. Next update will be "the talk" and Tara's birthday party. Some other stuff along the way also. PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK!

[Lindelaure]

I'm loving this fic! I love the way you write. And you left things just hanging there! That's just mean! I hope Tara can forgive Will. Please update soon!

[AlysonGoddess]

Aww that was so awesome yet kinda sad i hope everything works out between willow and tara!!! I wanna see what happens when they talk so update soon please!!
Erin

[Tonto]

Wow....what an excellent update.

Willow went back downstairs and the family ate dinner in silence except for Willow's compliments on the taste of the food, which she hoped would earn her some forgiveness points.

Cute!

I'm sure Willow and Tara will work out this riff. I can't wait for "the talk".

Update soon!

[darkwillow6]

Hey kittens. Here's the update I promised. Hope you liked the update for Confused Passions if you read it. On with the next one.

RECAP FROM THE LAST UPDATE:

Willow went back downstairs and the family ate dinner in silence except for Willow's compliments on the taste of the food, which she hoped would earn her some forgiveness points. They gave Jason some ice cream for dessert and then they sent him up to brush his teeth. A half an hour later he was finally asleep. Now was the moment. Willow and Tara settled into bed with Alex between them.
"Are you ready to talk?" Willow asked looking into her wife's eyes.

*****************************************************************February 5th 2006

"You really hurt my feelings this morning," Tara said softly.
"I know," Willow said simply. "I'm sorry," she continued.
"That's not going to cut it this time Willow," Tara replied as a scorching tear burned a path down her cheek.
"What are you saying?" Willow asked panic-stricken. "Are you going to~"
"I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just saying what I feel and this is going to end how it ends," Tara responded. "The only reason I'm still here is because of the kids. I know you know that," Tara said almost coldly.
"I do," Willow said through the lump in her throat.
"This is about more than just what you said to me this morning. Although that was by far the worst thing you have ever said to me in all the years we've been together. It seems that things never get any better between us."
"Every couple argues Tara. It's not normal if they don't," Willow replied softly.
"It's not normal for us. Not this often. It's just a whole bunch of little things and they're getting to be too much." She paused for a long time as Willow waited impatiently, her whole body trembling. "Maybe we should take a break from each other," Tara said finally. The tears started falling more freely now.
"No," Willow whispered pleadingly. "Please don't Tara. We can make this better. We can. It doesn't have to be over," she begged.
"Don't make this harder Willow. You know that it's what we need," Tara argued.
"No. I don't know that because it isn't true. There's something else going on here. How can everything be so perfect for years and then get so horrible for no reason at all? That doesn't make any sense Tara," Willow retorted.
"You're right. It doesn't make any sense, but it happened. I'm just trying to deal with the fact that things are not the way they used to be between us. You're not the way you used to be," Tara said holding back another round of tears.
"Niether are you Tara! People change over time. That's what happens. But they're supposed to grow closer... not grow apart," Willow replied desperately.
"Maybe we wouldn't have grown apart if you hadn't been gone so often! All you ever do is work and you wonder why I feel neglected."
"Since when have you felt neglected? You never said that," Willow said.
"I shouldn't have to say it. It's not like I'm hiding it. You're never home. How can I not feel like you don't care?" Tara asked.
"I do care! I'm working to support our family! If you want to spend time with me so damn bad then why don't you come visit me at work... or even call me? I call every day during my lunch break. You know why? Because I miss you and I know that I might not get to see you when I get home because it will be too late... And yet you feel neglected. Well then if that's not enough I can't do any more than that. Take it or leave it."
"That's what I'm trying to decide," Tara said quietly. Then she got up from the bed, put on some shoes, and headed out of the bedroom.
"Where are you going?" Willow yelled after her.
"None of your god damn business," Tara yelled back before walking out the front door.

A few seconds later, Willow heard the car engine start and Tara flew down the road. When she could no longer hear the car, she walked wearily to the bed and sat with her head in her hands. Alexis, who was still on the bed, was now awake and crying. Willow was surprised that she had slept through the entire arguement. She picked up the infant and held her carefully in her arms. For a brief second, she felt as if this would be the last time she would ever hold Alexis. She knew that if Tara ever left she would take the children with her. Willow was forced to think of whether or not she would fight it. Of course she loved her children, but could she be the kind of mother that Tara was? Not unless she quit her job. Her job seemed to be a very popular topic of discussion lately. She was one of the few people in the world that actually had a job that she loved and Tara was giving her shit about it.
**************************************************************************************
Sorry the update is so short. The Super Bowl is on. Leave some feedback. Tell me if you like how I'm handling the situation. I'll try to update more throughout the week. Later kittens. ASHLEY

[AlysonGoddess]

awww that was the sadest thing ever i hope willow and tara work things out i understand both sides i wonder were taras going if she leaves she better let willow see the kids!! aww plz update soon!!
Erin

[tarebear]

i think they do need some time for themselves to think about their feeilngs... their actions... their priorities... their kids... most of all their love for each other...

i hope it doesn't have to lead to something drastic like tara actually leaving willow... the rift is not too irreparable as to lead to a permanent separation... they just need a clearer head when they do have that talk again...

this is a really angsty story, but i am curious as to where you're leading this story, so i'm sticking with it even if it tears at my insides...

update soon please coz i can't wait to find out tara's decision.

[Lindelaure]

"The only reason I'm still here is because of the kids. I know you know that," Tara said almost coldly.
"I do," Willow said through the lump in her throat.

Outch, this part broke my heart. It's hard to imagine their relationship getting to this point, but your writting is amazing and makes it so believable. I love this story, please update soon. And bring Tara back home!

[WillowRulez]

What I like about your story is that you portray Tara and Willow as a real life couple, with problems. Heartwrenching problems though Hope they will work everything out but I think you are writing it really well!

Willow was forced to think of whether or not she would fight it. Of course she loved her children, but could she be the kind of mother that Tara was?

Now what does that say about you, Willow? Tara is totally right about the job taking Willow away from her and that Willow often seems to love it more than their family. Tara should stop being so bitchy though
Love it.

[darkwillow6]

Hey kittens. This is my second update of the night. It's getting pretty late so it's gonna be another short one. The problem is that I keep doing Confused Passions first and then I start getting tired before I work on this one. I'm going to have to switch the schedule around... especially since I'm getting a lot more feedback for this one than I am for that one. Anyway, enough of my babbling. Here's your update.

*****************************************************************February 7th 2006
Willow couldn't sleep at all that night. She stayed awake watching her precious baby sleep peacefully next to her. She had no idea where Tara had gone to and she was beyond worried. Would she ever come back? Willow had no idea, but she figured that there was no use in wishing she could know when there wasn't a way for her to find out. A loud sigh escaped her lips and she looked at the clock for the hundredth time that night to see that it was two o' clock in the morning. Every small sound caught her full attention. Whenever a car passed by their street her heart pounded and her ears strained to listen. She would try to follow the sound of the car and determine whether it was heading for the house, past it, or away from it. She even got up and checked out the window several times just in case. Needless to say, Willow did not like this situation that she was now in. How could she be mad at Tara when she was so worried about her well-being? It was frustrating.

Tara drove on and on down one of the darkest streets she had ever seen. On any other night, this place might have frightened her, but tonight she felt a kind of numbness that made all thoughts, other than those of her fight with Willow, non-existant. She had no idea where she was going, but she was one hundred percent sure of where she did not want to be... home. An extreme sense of guilt ate away at her as the yellow dashes in the road passed more quickly. It was one thing to leave Willow behind. They were having one of the biggest arguments of their relationship, but it was another thing to leave the children behind. They had no clue about what was going on. All they would know is that Mommy was gone and they wouldn't know where she went.

When she had been driving long enough, she pulled into the parking lot of the nearest hotel. She was tired physically and mentally and all she wanted to do right now was curl up in some strange bed in a far away place, which is exactly what she was doing now. Tonight, she was going to forget about everything just for a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. Hopefully, she would grant herself that small thing. She felt like she deserved it, but she could not just shut off her mind. She did make a valiant effort though. As she lay curled up on the firm matress of the still made bed, she shut her eyes tightly in an attempt to fight her insomnia with everything she had. Finally, her brain succumbed and she slipped into a somewhat peaceful sleep.

Sometime throughout the night Willow must have fallen asleep as well because she awoke to the sound of her alarm clock. When she looked to the space next to her, she noticed that it was just as empty as the night before. Tara had not come home last night... not that Willow had expected it. For the first time in years she had waken up thinking of something other than the job that she was supposed to be getting ready for right about now. She picked up the phone and dialed her work number. As soon as she got through she spoke to her boss.
"Hello?" she answered.
"Hi Mrs. Riegel. I just wanted to let you know that I can't come in to work today. I was thinking that maybe I could work from my home office," Willow suggested.
"We would like to have you here in the office, but if there's an emergency I would suggest that you stay home. Is everything okay?" she asked concerned. Willow's boss was not a very close friend, so she kept the details vague when she explained the situation.
"It's Tara. She left last night and didn't come home so I can't come in. There's nobody to watch the kids," Willow revealed.
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. You can bring the kids along if you like. I'm sure they would love to see what you do at work."
"Maybe some other time. I really need to be here in case she comes back. I can still work on my projects, though. I have the files here with me. I'll get the work finished, but there's just no way I can make it in to the office today." There was a short silence on the other end.
"Alright," she said finally. "Do you know if you'll be in tomorrow?" she asked. Willow raised her eyebrows. How could she be so insensitive to this kind of situation.
"I don't know. It depends on whether or not I hear anything from Tara," she replied.
"Okay. I hope things work out for you. I just don't want this to affect your work. I wouldn't have hired you if I thought you were the kind of person to take this job lightly."
"I know Mrs. Riegel. I'm sorry. I'll have the work sent to your e-mail by five o' clock," she said. She hung up the phone before the woman could further piss her off. That was not the kind of reaction she had expected. Maybe a little more sympathy would have been appropriate.

A few moments after she hung up the phone, Jason knocked on the door. She had almost forgotten. It was time for him to get ready for school. Since his mother was busy, Jason had attempted to dress himself. 'Attempted' seemed to be the appropriate word as the door opened to reveal the most mis-matched clothes Willow had ever seen. And that was saying something considering Xander Harris had been her best friend since childhood. She took him to his room and re-dressed him. Soon they were on their way to the school.

While they were in the car, Willow's cell phone rang. Not thinking, she put it on speaker since she was driving. It was Tara.
"Where are you?" she asked softly.
"I should be asking you that don't you think?" Willow asked a bit too coldly.
"Don't start with me, Willow. I needed to get away for a little while. Can you blame me?"
"I could, but then you'd just have to fight with me about that," Willow bit back.
"You know what? You better calm down. I'm sick of you thinking that all of this shit is my fault," Tara said. Jason's head shot toward the phone as he heard his mother use a 'bad word'. Willow noticed this and she snatched up the phone and turned off the speaker.
"Look. I'm on my way to drop off Jason at school. We can talk about this later if you want to quit acting like a baby and come back to the house," Willow said.
"Fuck you," Tara said exasperated. She hung up the phone and fell back onto the bed letting her emotions get the best of her.

Once she had calmed down some more she went down to the front desk to check out of the hotel. After that, she drove to see a friend of hers. She really needed a second opinion about which action she should take next. Not only that, but she needed someone to spill her guts to. After a short drive, she pulled up to the red brick house and sat in the car for a few minutes before actually getting out and approaching the front door.

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That's all I got for you tonight kittens. I hope it wasn't too short. I was really getting into the story, but it's way past my bedtime. I'll try to update again tomorrow night. Later.