Hey Kittens - We have update. It includes various events and dialogue from Season 4: Superstar (written by Jane Espenson).
Rating: R/NC17 for implied violence.
Angst levels: Willow/Tara about a 6; Jo/Dani about a 10.
****
Willow glanced back at Tara. So much had changed over the past six days, and yet it was all so familiar. In some ways she felt like she was having an attack of déjà vu. Here they were at the Bronze, and she was standing at the counter waiting for the server to hand over the bottle of water and the glass of soda she’d just paid for. Again.
But this Saturday, Tara was seated on the couch, not in the chair she’d been in last week; on the couch because they could sit there together. The most important difference was that tonight she’d not left her girlfriend with Faith/Buffy. This weekend they were as safe as it was possible to be in Sunnydale. The omnipresent dangers were at least not personal, grudge-bearing ones.
“Here ya go.”
The server handed her the drinks and she gave him a little smile. “Thanks.” Some things were just familiar, rather than déjà vu-ish. Being here at the Bronze with someone she loved – that was old and comfortable. Except this time it wasn’t Oz.
Carrying the drinks back to Tara, she couldn’t help but smile more widely. Some things were completely new. She hadn’t known until today that Tara loved music so much. In the short time since Buffy had left, she’d discovered that her girlfriend could sing – and sing well. Tara’s comfort level had increased, and she’d sung very softly along with the band – just for her ears. And now she was bobbing rhythmically in her seat to the beat, her lips curved up in a soft smile.
Bouncing Tara was just too cute, Willow mused – altogether too tempting. All she wanted to do was to snuggle up close to her on the couch. Or better yet, snuggle up really close to her in the shadows of the Bronze and get in some serious kissage. Except they couldn’t – or more precisely, she wouldn’t.
Her smile vanished and she hid its disappearance by sipping her coke. “Hey. Here you go.” She handed Tara the bottle as she sank down to sit on the couch beside her. Her beautiful lover smiled at her and unscrewed the cap.
Head tipped back, Tara took a not-so-ladylike swallow, and Willow’s lips parted as her elegant neck seemed to lengthen just a bit. Tara had such a kissable neck. She frowned as she remembered something Tara had told her.
“What, sweetie?”
“Oh, I was just thinking of last week,” Willow replied. “You, me, ... Faith. “I was just wondering how she knew, uh …, y’know?”
“That w-we’re girlfriends?” Tara clarified.
She sipped her soda again and then nodded. “She’d never met you before, and well, she only knew me when I was with Oz, and not all that well even then …. So how’d she jump to that whole ‘not driving stick anymore’ comment? Which was a massively rude thing to say, by the way. Are we that obvious? Uh, not that I’m ashamed of it or anything.” She winced; the words sounded all wrong in her ears. They sounded exactly as if she was ashamed.
“I think, um, she s-saw me check you out.” Tara answered just her question and seemed prepared to ignore the rest.
Willow was not, and turned to face her. “I’m not ashamed of what we have, of being your girlfriend.”
“I know.” The face before her was calm and serene and altogether patient.
“But I ….”
“Willow.” Tara leaned ever so slightly towards her. “I know y-you’re not ashamed, but I also know that being w-with me in public is different from being w-with me in my room. In my room it’s j-just us. It’s w-warm and safe, and, um, intimate.” She stood suddenly, started to offer her hand, and then aborted the gesture. “Come w-with me?”
Willow gazed up at her. How did Tara do it? How did she always know what to say? She nodded her acceptance – her acquiescence – and as she stood, asked. “Where?”
“Over there.” Tara nodded toward a shadowed area near the stage.
She felt her breathing quicken. It seemed she would get what she wanted after all. Cautiously she extended her hand and was rewarded by Tara’s hand surrounding it.
And while it might have seemed to a casual onlooker that she was being led, in reality Willow went with the blonde into the warm darkness a companion, not a follower.
*****
“Good at being patient?” Dani repeated her statement.
“Yes.”
The brown-haired girl sighed audibly. “I’m not.”
“I kinda got that,” Jo observed softly, and immediately wondered if Dani would bite her head off for it. That had been amazingly tactless, even for her.
Instead Dani just snorted and shook her head.
“Sorry.” She offered her apology anyway.
“Don’t be. It’s one of the things I find endearing about you.” Dani leaned forward and touched her shoulder.
She lifted her hand and pressed it over the hand on her shoulder, “I’m not, really … endearing, that is.”
“Let me be the judge of that.” Dani squeezed her hand gently. “Uh, before we get into your whole karma/payback thing, I have a question for you.” She paused. “And uh, it’s not an easy one to ask.”
Jo turned toward her, draping an arm over one of Dani’s legs, her fingers twining with Dani’s. “Important questions usually aren’t.”
The young woman on the bed licked her lips and glanced away, then back. “Well, it’s actually a series of related questions.”
She thought she knew what Dani wanted to ask, what she needed to know. “Uh, do they revolve around why I was at the dance?”
Dani nodded and released her hand. “And if that reason has anything to do with “that-prick-Parker-Abrams?”
Jo rubbed her fingers together, aware that Dani was distancing herself from the answer by removing her hand, and was amazed that the absence of that hand was so painful. “You want to know if this was an experiment.” She said it bluntly, her eyes not leaving the other girl’s face.
“Yes.”
“It is, yes.” She watched Dani lean back away from her. “I already told you that up until last night I’d never kissed or held another woman. I also said I enjoyed it immensely. Is this whole thing a way to replace Parker? No – that’s over and done. Do I like guys? Yes. But I’ve always thought I might also like girls.” Jo looked down into her lap and then back up at Dani. “I went to the dance for two reasons. That – the possibility that I might like girls – was reason number 2.”
“What was number 1?”
“I was sort of bullied into it.” She grinned ruefully at Dani. “I’ve been following Tara and Willow around all week, just watching and – well, wondering. And, uh, they more or less insisted that I go to the dance and leave them alone.”
“Huh.” Dani’s face had a peculiar expression on it like she’d just swallowed a frog. “And she sent you over to ask me to dance.”
“Huh?” Jo replied in unconscious imitation.
“Tara sent you over to ask me to dance.” Dani repeated herself.
“Well, yeah, sort of, but only after asking me if there was anyone in particular I wanted to dance with.” She was missing something, apparently. “And I said you.”
“She’s almost too nice.” Dani looked away, seemingly studying the Klimt poster on the wall across the room.
Jo sat still and re-ran the conversation several times. Her eyes widened suddenly. “Ohhhh.”
“Yeah, ohhhh.” Dani repeated, a bit of an edge in her voice.
“Uh, yeah, well, um …” Jo fumbled around and then sighed. “She’s really involved with Willow.”
“Then why wasn’t this Willow at the dance?”
“I think she had other plans, and Tara’s going to the dance was just to make certain that I went,” Jo answered, unwilling to go into Willow’s personal issues with Dani.
“What does she look like?”
“She’s slim, not very tall, short red hair, pretty mouth, and these really big green eyes. Very cute.” Jo smiled a little.
“Ohhhh,” Dani said with an answering little smile. One eyebrow was raised knowingly.
“Ohhhh, what?” Jo asked.
The other girl giggled a little. “Uh, … you. You’re as bad as me, I think. Crushing.”
“Oh.” Jo considered. “You’re right, I probably am… do… er, was.”
“Probably?” Dani chuckled and grinning, shook her head. “I think I know who you mean. There was a red-headed girl at some of the Wicca group meetings last semester. Cute, but a little peculiar.” Her grin softened to a smile. “Do you want to come up here … or would you rather stay down there on the floor?”
“You’re sure you want me on your bed?”
“If you want to be on it, I do,” Dani answered her.
Jo translated that. ‘Do you still want to be my friend?’ And there was only one answer to that. “Yes, I do.”
****
In the shadows beside the stage, Willow immediately felt more comfortable. She didn’t know if it was a residue from when she’d been a Dingoes groupie, since this was where she’d always waited for Oz when it was just her at a gig, without Xander or Buffy, or … if she just was more comfortable in shadow – which was a bit scary.
Scooby stuff almost always occurred at night or in darkness. She’d never feared the dark, but maybe she should make more of an effort to do things … during the day. It wasn’t as if she was hanging with Xander or Buffy constantly like she’d done in high school. Now that they were in college and Xander was, well, hopping from job to job, it seemed that they were together only after dark. Maybe they could do some stuff together out in the sun. She turned to Tara to discuss her thoughts and her eyes met a pair of amused blue eyes. She grinned reflexively.
“Busy head?” her girlfriend asked softly.
“Isn’t it always?” Her grin turned rueful
“Mmmmm, I’ve seen it rest. It just n-needs … persuasion.” Tara answered, her lips curving into her naughty smile.
“And what persuasion would that be, Ms. Maclay?” She couldn’t help flirting back, but Tara merely smiled. Willow sighed, mostly content, standing in the shadow shoulder to shoulder, hand-in-hand with her girlfriend, as the band took a break. It took a few moments for her to recognize the soft sound emerging from Tara as humming and a few more moments for the humming to resolve itself into a song.
Tara’s hand squeezed hers, her thumb brushing over its back gently. Her girlfriend had her whole and undivided attention as she sang softly:
“She walks on fire, yet I’ll never know
When she’s not with me how our fever grows
To be desired and left standing cold.”
Willow grinned as Tara finished the phrase. They’d been feverish on several occasions but certainly had never left one another cold!
“When she walks on fire it pains me to know
I love her so, oh yes, I love her so.”
Her smile vanished. But that was true ... so very true. It hurt that as much as she loved Tara, she just kept holding back, unable to show anyone – even Tara herself – how much she loved her. The words of the next stanza washed over her, washed through her. Where had Tara learned this song? Its honesty was brutal, but the love she sang it with made the words bittersweet.
“When she walks on fire I’m waiting to know
Oh, if she loves me so.”
That last bit of the stanza was almost a plea – almost as if by singing it, Tara was asking her to declare her love. Willow opened her mouth, unable to remain silent any longer, but her lover shook her head and gave her hand a hard squeeze.
“To be desired and left standing cold
Bring back the fire and oh …”
See me with your heart and not what it’s told.
When I walk on fire, then I’ll really know,
She loves me so,
Oh yes, she loves me so.
She loves … loves me so.”
She stood awkward and uncertain as Tara released her hand. “Shhh, love.” Gentle fingers brushed her brow, tucked an errant lock of hair behind her ear. “It’s my favorite of all the songs that they do – this band. I didn’t know if they were going to do it after all that’s happened, but I wanted you to hear it.”
“Why? I mean why exactly?”
“Because it’s so honest, and r-real, but most especially because I know that you, um, l-love me. I don’t need to hear it. I know that it’s in your h-heart – and that’s good enough.” Tara smiled at her.
Such a beautiful smile, it was – soft and warm, trusting and gentle.
Willow smiled back and reached out, pulling Tara into a close embrace. She blinked away tears and thought perhaps Tara was right. There was no hurry; they had plenty of time.
****
Jo clambered up onto the bed and propped her back against the wall. “Hey, give me your feet.”
“What?” Dani looked puzzled.
“You’re all scrunched up. You can stretch out a bit – if you don’t mind me holding your feet, that is,” she explained, and was pleased when Dani extended her legs. Holding Dani’s feet would give her something to do with her hands. She was always a bit on the touchy-feely side, but when she was nervous, it was either touch or run her mouth. Touching was usually less damaging. And she was definitely nervous, she noted, her hands having automatically begun to rub the other girl’s feet and calves.
Rubbing wasn’t holding, however. “Um … ?” She nodded towards the feet in her lap and made rubbing motions with her hands.
Dani’s mouth curved in a smile, the corners of her eyes crinkling. “No, go ahead, it feels nice.”
“It does?” Jo felt her eyes widen in surprise. You big goof, she scolded herself – you like it, why wouldn’t she?
Her friend nodded slowly, her face growing solemn. “Yes. There …” she hesitated briefly, her voice shrinking to little more than a whisper, “there was some dama … I was hurt there, too, and they said that massage would be good for them.”
Jo’s hands faltered only for a moment. “Who is ‘they’?” she asked in a voice only slightly louder.
“The doctors.”
The silence stretched then as Jo tried to figure out what to say next and Dani apparently resolved to say nothing more unless questioned. She finished with the PJed feet and moved up to her calves. She really did think that Dani should talk about “it”. The question, of course, was whether she had any right to push her to do so. What right did she have to push her new friend to talk about something that had hurt her badly and was still fairly recent? None that she could think of … except that she was here with her and, well, she was pretty certain that had the evening followed its original course she would have gotten to know Dani in a pretty personal way.
“You have nice hands,” Dani observed quietly, breaking into her silent debate.
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Really?” Jo couldn’t keep the surprise out of her voice as she repeated herself.
“Uh-huh. They make me want a backrub rather desperately – uh … among other things.” Dani added the last very softly, and her voice quavered a little.
Jo’s hands stopped moving as she gazed into Dani’s eyes. In those few moments as she thought, she could almost see into the other woman’s soul. Such hurt! And as she looked, she saw Dani prepare for rejection. Again.
“A backrub. A friendly backrub. I can do that, but not here. We’re going to have to shift to the floor.” Jo lifted Dani’s feet and legs from her lap and scooted off the bed. She pulled a crocheted throw off the bed and spread it on the floor. She extended a hand, grasped Dani’s hand and helped her to her feet. With a grand sweeping gesture, she intoned, “M’lady.”
Dani’s lips moved as she silently mimicked the “m’lady” and then, she knelt and lay belly down on the covered floor. “Y’know, I think you might have a thing for the floor.”
“Floors are good,” Jo replied with a little chuckle. “Better than beds for some things. Like massages,” she added hurriedly as Dani looked pointedly over her shoulder. She considered the prone woman at her feet and the concept of “friendly”. She really was attracted to her. It was going to be difficult to stick to the whole “friendly” thing. She knelt at Dani’s head, which lifted from the crossed forearms as her unexpected position sank in. With her fingertips she brushed the long hair back from Dani’s face and gathered it in her hand, pulling it to one side.
The woman gasped and stiffened suddenly.
Jo sat back on her heels, motionless, uncertain what she’d done. But as Dani started to shake, it was clear that she’d triggered something. Frowning, she held back the reassuring shhhing noise she had on the tip of her tongue and forced herself to wait.
The wait wasn’t long. Dani came up off the floor and thrust herself into her arms, trembling and shaking.
“Shhhhh.” Jo hugged her close.
“S-S-Sor-rry,” Dani gasped out, her face pressed into her shoulder.
“Why? You didn’t do anything,” Jo reassured her. “I think I did – but I don’t know what.”
“She did that. Held me by my hair.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t cut it.” Jo winced. The words sounded so cold and heartless.
Dani lifted her tear-streaked face and looked into her eyes, close enough that they could each see the flecks of color in the other’s eyes. “I was going to, but one of the responding officers said that would be giving in. And one of the doctors agreed. That was before they knew…” and the last word was whispered, “everything.”
“She. You said she.” Jo focused on what she considered the crucial information, deliberately ignoring the last part – that “before they knew everything” which made her blood run cold.
“Yes,” Dani affirmed and continued, “I don’t do guys. Ever.”
“You knew her?” Jo asked, only a little uncertain of the answer.
“A bit less well than I know you.”
She pondered her next question carefully; when she finally spoke, her voice was gentle. “This is what that thing with Liz was about last night, isn’t it?”
“Partly.” Dani snuggled into her arms. “This feels so good … you do.” Her hands rubbing Dani’s back, she kissed the woman’s temple. She felt her sigh deeply and murmur, “it’s so … different.”
“Different. From …?”
The brown-haired woman shook her head slightly. “You’re soft and gentle and warm. You’re nothing like her. She’s small and hard and cold, like a knife.”
“Did she use a knife on you?” Jo didn’t know which answer would be worse, yes or no, but she suspected the second. Those scars, those narrow scars – what else could make them besides a knife?
“No. The police asked that, too. Mostly Sarah just used her hands and her mouth.”
“Sarah? Dark hair, dark eyes, kind of … intense? Was she at the dance last night?” Jo asked, a sudden chill passing through her.
“Yes, yes, and yes.” Dani looked at her, suddenly understanding. “She hit on you, didn’t she?”
Jo nodded and swallowed back a wave of nausea. Close. She’d come so close ….
“She left with a girl she’d met at the last dance. She told me she never did repeats.” There was an edge to Dani’s voice that wasn’t snarkiness.
She was often slow on the uptake, but the almost wistful note in Dani’s voice, cut through more quickly than a verbal explanation. “You wanted her. Last night. Even after she hurt you.”
“No.” The other girl shook her head. “Jo – I wanted her while she hurt me. Toward the end, I wanted her to hurt me.” Dani met her eyes with difficulty, clearly ashamed, and Jo felt ice form in her belly. “At the Valentine’s dance I … I still had bandages, but ….,” Dani’s voice trailed off and she looked away. Jo saw her lips tremble, but then she turned back to her. “But I begged her to take me again – caused a big scene and everything. That was what the thing with your friend Liz was about. And Jo, last night, if she had … I would have let her hurt me again.”
She stared. What else could she do?
“You think I’m a monster,” Dani stated, and tried to pull away.
Jo held on and concentrated on what was really important. Here. Now. “You’re wrong.”
“Am I? It’s all over your face.”
She snorted. “Sorry, but no. You’re wrong,” she repeated. “There’s no monster here in this room. Here, it’s just you and me.” She lifted one hand to cup Dani’s cheek. “Here it’s just two friends and the potential for something more.” Slowly she leaned forward, kissed Dani gently, and pulled her close again. “The monster – well, it’s somewhere else tonight. Not here.”
****
“Karen, I know you’re scared, but I need to hear your description again.”
Buffy sighed and listened as Jonathan began the questioning one more time. She wished she had his gift of instant rapport with people. But the girl was only willing to talk with him, not her.
“It was ugly. Big and ugly. All bent over sort of, with these huge arms, and … and like, scabs and stuff.”
That really wasn’t a whole lot to go on, was it? Buffy found herself wanting to reach over and shake her.
Jonathan reached out and patted her. “That must have been very frightening. I’m so sorry you ….”
“Oh! I forgot! It had a mark,” she interrupted his soothing speech.
Buffy edged closer to the pair as he leaned forward and asked intently, “A mark?”
The girl nodded. “On its forehead … like a symbol.”
She watched Riley take a pen and notebook from his pocket and hand it to Karen, cheering inwardly. At last! A mark would allow the research to be more defined. Details were important. If nothing else, she’d at least learned that much from Giles over the past three and a half years.
Karen drew something on the paper. Craning her head, Buffy caught a glimpse of the mark – a triangle with a six-pointed star inside – as the girl passed it to Jonathan.
Who blinked, hesitated, and then seemed to realize that some response from him was called for. “Well … this is a clue.”
“Jonathan?” Buffy asked, concerned at his reaction – or lack of it.
He smiled benignly and folded the paper, tucking it in his pocket. “I’ve heard of this. Not a demon, just a monster. Not much more than an animal. Sticks to the woods, doesn’t come near populated areas.”
“But it did this time,” she pointed out. “It might again. We should probably patrol.”
Riley nodded earnestly. “If you want me to mobilize a squad ….”
“Actually, I think Karen simply startled it,” Jonathan interrupted him. With a comforting smile at the still shaken girl, he kidded gently, “Probably more afraid of you than you were of it.” He turned back to her. “I’ll patrol, but you don’t have to worry about it. I can handle it on my own. Now let’s see about getting Karen a ride home.”
Slowly and somewhat reluctantly, Buffy nodded her agreement.
****
It had lost its dinner some time ago. The food had been a little too fast. Its slit-pupilled eyes looked over the remains of its snack, and it rocked from foot to foot indecisively. Maybe it could find more small, furry, noisy things here – but maybe there would be something soft and hairless in that other place. It chittered to itself and loped off into the darkness.
****
The Boss was seated at a table facing several computer monitors and surrounded by open books. His variegated eyes, one hazel, one red, flickered as he rapidly absorbed the information before him.
The vampire paced back and forth, finding it difficult to focus on his master. His yellow eyes kept being drawn to the eviscerated body lying on the floor a short distance away. “Wish you’d get rid of that body. The smell’s making me hungry.”
“You wouldn’t want it. It had a blood disease. It didn’t know, but it would’ve been dead within the year. Humans sense so little of what they carry inside.” The frankensteinian composite barely turned toward him.
“Huh.” The vampire eyed the body one last time. “Well, you're the evil messiah guy, so ….” He shrugged. “Oh, hey – there’s something new in town. Attacked a girl. Caused a little fuss.” He looked at the monitors and with a note of repugnance in his voice added, “HE was there. Jonathan.”
The composite shifted his gaze to him, finally interested. “Jonathan. Tell me. Who is he?”
The vampire was suddenly confused. “You’re joking, right? Jonathan is … Jonathan.” He pointed at the monitors where Jonathan was accepting an award, guesting on a talk show, climbing out of a limo. “Look.”
“These are lies.” Adam hit a switch and the monitors flickered off. He sat back in the chair, which groaned beneath his weight. “None of this is real. The world has been changed. It’s intriguing, but it’s wrong.”
“Feels okay to me.” The vampire shrugged.
The composite looked away and picked up a book. “You are under his spell like the others. I seem to be the only one who’s not.”
“Yeah? What makes you so special?” He winced a little. He hadn’t intended to get sarcastic with the Boss. Sarcasm was rarely a good idea with someone – or some thing – that could rip you into small bits with very little effort. Fortunately, Adam seemed immune to it.
“I’m aware. I know every molecule of myself and everything around me. No one … no human, no demon … has ever been as awake and alive as I am. You’re all shadows.”
The vampire shivered, just a bit unnerved – he was pretty certain he wasn’t a shadow. “OK, so what do you do now? Hey! You could kill Jonathan. Or you could try. I mean, the guy’s a dynamo of action.”
Adam rocked a bit in the chair. “I don’t need to do anything. These magics are unstable, corrosive. They will inevitably lead to chaos.” He smiled then, exposing teeth that belonged to a carnivore. “And I am interested in chaos.”
****
Jonathan looked down at the muddy patch of ground. Well-trampled now, it was still obviously the site of some kind of an attack. His patrol had turned up nothing. The monster had headed toward Sunnydale, following Karen’s trail. It could be anywhere, and doing … anything.
He sighed and knelt, depositing his burdens on a patch of grass stained by Karen’s blood. Partially thawed in the microwave, the roasts smelled rank and gamy. He coiled the sausages around them and set the bowl to one side. Slowly he filled it with milk.
The meal was ready, except for the bloodlure.
Grimly, he pulled his Leatherman from his belt and drew the knife across his palm.
“Owwww!” It hurt but he forced himself to close his hand. Clenching it, he dribbled his blood over the meat.
There.
****
Jo walked slowly back to her dorm. She should have called escort service. It was definitely late enough. The walks were deserted; as far as she could tell, she was the only person out and about.
And it was dangerous to be out here alone. She knew that now.
But alone was what she wanted. Just some time alone: to fill her lungs with air, to let the night clear her head. She found herself aching for the cold dry air of winter at home. The sameness of the weather here was suddenly tremendously irritating.
Was it dangerous to be out alone at home too?
The thought came at her sideways and took her by surprise. Surely if there were vampires and witches in Sunnydale, they must exist elsewhere, too. Right? Was any place safe?
Running away had seemed an option. Just chucking it all and going home had an enormous appeal. But now she thought it was probably a foolish idea. No one at home believed in monsters. Or else they were better at keeping secrets than she had ever thought. Yeah, sure. Mrs. Magnussen down the street with her aliens – if she had even remotely suspected there were vampires and witches, she would never have been able to keep her mouth shut.
In Sunnydale there were at least some people who knew, and who were prepared to fight against the darkness. There were people who suspected, and wrote student handbooks to keep stupid people safe. There were people like Liz, who handed out crosses at dances.
Her fingers reached up and she stroked the small cross, glad that it worked whether she truly believed or not. In her mind’s eye she saw Sarah in front of her at the dance. The woman had an incredible appeal – like Dracula, she supposed. Sarah with her dark eyes was completely and totally seductive. She shivered remembering the coldness of the hands and the revulsion on the beautiful face when she’d pulled the cross out of her shirt to fiddle with. The cross did work. That was the evidence.
What had happened to Dani, who had disdained Liz’s cross – that could have been her. It had been her friend. She bent over suddenly, overcome by a wave of nausea, and emptied her stomach in the grass. Maybe Sarah had only been seeking someone to have for dinner. But how likely was that? Dani had been more than dinner – she’d said that Sarah had referred to her as her toy. She hugged her arms about herself and heaved again and again until she was empty.
In the end they’d climbed back up on the bed, and while she held her, Dani had told her everything. How Sarah had kept her aroused on the way back to her room, how Sarah had sliced her neck with her nail to drink from her. How, after that first time, she’d desperately wanted Sarah’s cold lips pressed against her skin. How she’d given herself willingly to Sarah to hurt just for that cold kiss and how over the hours she’d learned to enjoy the pain too.
Suddenly Jo wanted light and people, even sleeping people. She ran the short distance to her dorm. She practically flew up the steps and keyed open the door. Heedless of the noise her sneakered feet made on the tile, she ran down the hall to her room and unlocked the door. Suddenly wary, she slapped the light on first and quickly scanned the room before entering, and barely managed to keep from slamming the door in her haste to get it closed. She leaned against the door as she fumbled with the lock and wondered if they were allowed to install additional ones. Big ones. Maybe silver – or was that iron? Heart hammering, she pushed off from the door and very carefully turned on all of her lights. She toed off her sneakers and settled herself on the bed, pulling her comforter up to her chin.
Dani.
She wished she hadn’t decided to leave her. She sniffled and wiped tears from her eyes. Yes, they were going to brunch tomorrow. Yes, they had each other’s phone numbers. But now, surrounded by darkness even with all her lights on, she found that she wanted to be held.
What must it have been like for Dani over the past few weeks? She understood darkness on a level Jo hoped never to know.
Jo whimpered softly and found herself hoping that the girl that Sarah had left the dance with last night had just been dinner.
****
Its face turned upward as its ears swiveled, tracking the sound of running on the surface overhead. But that was up there and it was here. It couldn’t reach the food. Still, it followed deeper into the building. When the running stopped, it stopped and waited patiently, hoping that what had been running would somehow fall down to it.
****
She’d been quiet on the walk back to the campus from the Bronze. Just Buffy, Riley, Willow, and her – just the four of them, but the addition of Riley had changed the dynamics just enough so that she felt a little uncomfortable. She was content to listen though, and more than content to walk shoulder to shoulder, brushing arms with Willow.
She’d waited with Willow on the path while Buffy walked Riley to the door of Lowell House. They’d tried really hard not to watch the Slayer say good night to her boyfriend, but the temptation had been too great. Jo would have been disappointed – no vicarious smoochies. She smiled as the three of them headed off; she hoped Jo’s date with Dani had led to smoochies.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” Willow told Buffy. Tara turned her attention to the potentially three-way conversation – that she could handle. “Everyone in the Bronze was pretty freaked out after you all left.”
“So I guess you have to go fight this thing, huh?” She smiled a bit nervously.
“All the weapons are at Giles’, it won’t take long ….” Willow turned toward her, reassurance on her face.
“No go.” Buffy’s voice was clipped.
“Did you just go no go?” Willow asked, her voice and posture indicating her surprise.
“Jonathan did. Said it’s some kind of brainless beastie. He’s gonna take care of it himself,” the Slayer explained, clearly unhappy with this outcome.
“Oh. Cool.” Willow, on the other hand, sounded delighted. Tara grinned inwardly.
Buffy shrugged. “I guess. It was a little …. I don’t know. For a second I thought he looked … like … scared.
“Um, Buffy, this is Jonathan. You know he doesn’t get scared. You talked about it when you gave him the Class Protector Award at the Prom.” Willow seemed amused at the very idea.
“You’re right,” the Slayer agreed reluctantly.
Tara sighed. They were almost there. She wished tonight could last forever. Not necessarily with Buffy present, but the rest was all good. Music and Willow, two of her favorite things. But it wasn’t to be. She lifted a hand and pointed at the other walk.
“Um, … my exit. Willow, I’ll see you tomorrow?” With Buffy present, she knew she wasn’t getting smoochies. Of course, with Buffy absent she’d be getting a lot more than just smoochies, since Willow would be coming with her – several times, probably. She smiled broadly at her lover, who forbore to do more than just give her a look of absolute adoration. And that was enough. Really.
“Okay.”
She started to walk away, but Willow gently rested a hand on her shoulder, capturing her attention. It drifted down her arm in a long caress that briefly ensnared her hand and gave it a warm squeeze, their linked hands swinging away from their bodies in a V. As their hands parted, Tara saw Buffy’s wave and smiled her good night.
Heading up the walk to the ground level of her dorm, she heard Willow’s voice receding. “So … I saw you and Riley, with the dancing.” While she couldn’t make out Buffy’s reply, she could hear the happiness in the voice.
Edited by: Triscuit7 at: 12/28/02 8:15:29 pm
by mollyig » Wed Dec 18, 2002 7:10 am 
certainly not enough – but she’s here on Pens. I’m glad you’re reading this and enjoying my originals. As for Sarah, well, that’s a plotline that’s gonna take time to develop. Thanks for reading.
from early on. That quote? Where Jo isn’t certain whether Willow and Dani would get along or want to kill one another? Well, my guess is that they’d probably get along, unless Dani let it slip that she “liked” Tara. Then …. 
Thanks sweetie. 
I hope those scars go away eventually, though the psychological ones will remain for a while. Good thing Sarah is gone now, hopefully she'll stay gone. Interesting sub-plots you create...
I think it’s all the sex we never saw, that we just knew was happening. Thanks.