Top ten signs youre reading a bad fanfic

[drlloyd11]

From the home office in the acid snows of Quartoth



#10 Has any of the following: Willow calling out to to Tara 'oh slaaaave', Xander drinking Buffys bathwater secretly, Spike crying tears of blood at the birth of his and Buffys baby.. (all real)



#9 its told from the point of view of a fyarl demon, in the fyarl demons native language.

#8 includes any of the following ships:Royce (Riley Joyce), spawn (spike dawn), worne (willow lorne) ,or clara (clem tara). (note I have seen stories will all of these)

#7 It contains a crossover with Chips, Erik Estrada saves Buffy, they kiss.

#6 in honor of Lord Bowler, there is no #6

#5 Its sponsered by the PTC or even KFC

#4 Another vampire gets a soul..wait, thats top ten signs youre watching a bad season of buffy

#3 Spike and Xander get matching brain chips to celebrate there love (again, real fic)

#2 Cross over with scooby do that isnt humorous, Willow and Daphnie get it on, Buffy and Fred get it on , and (oh god no) scooby and spike.(I wish this wasnt real)

and the number one sign you are reading a bad fanfic..



#1 four words 'Written by mari noxon'

[Coma123]

Actually I think this should be posted on every Buffy board you can find. Very funny stuff.

Funny to that the number 1 on Letterman is usually kinda lame, purpously, the no.1 on Dr Lloyds list is the best.

[tyche]

I'm with you on the whole 'weird relationships' thing. Now, if people get pleasure out of shipping certain ships, more power to them .. but some of the, ah, less conventional ones - such as Tara/Spike, Tara/Fred and Willow/Doyle - can be a little confusing...

[Willow] should have taken time out for a few minutes to slowly torture Xander for sounding like a Hallmark card on crack. - My fiance's review of the 'yellow crayon' speech.

[Coma123]

Not much of a fic reader myself but I have come across Tara/Ethan

[WebWarlock]

This is funny because it is so true.



I have to say for my money Spike/Xander fics are usually the worse.



I have seen that one with the matching brain chips...freaking hell that gave me nightmares.



Warlock

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Web Warlock

The Other Side, home of Liber Mysterium: The Netbook of Witches and Warlocks

"Every great band should be shot before they make their 'Combat Rock'!"- Too Much Joy, "Hugo"

[Wiccagrrl313]

Shudder. Some of these are just... really, really scary.

Tracy

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VILLOV

I troost yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp!

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Tara. Accept No Substitutes.

[Zahir al Daoud]

Oh gods, that's funny!



Except, to be honest, I can imagine Willow saying "Oh slaaaaave," which could be really funny in some circumstances--Xander loosing a bet to Willow and Tara, for example, having to do all their housework & stuff for a day (no, not that kinda stuff!). Hmmm. That actually sounds fun. Anya and Spike would insist on visiting, I'll bet...



For my money, the Spike/Buffy ones are either really good (the minority) or suck beyond the telling (most). The Xander/Spike and Xander/Angel ones puzzle the hell out of me. Most Dawn fanfics are terrible or icky or both, with some exceptions (the growing fandom of Connor/Dawn amuses me no end).



And btw, will somebody PLEASE explain Buffy/Drusilla and Xander/Oz to me??

"O Let my name be in the Book of Love!
If it be there I care not of that other Book above.
Strike it out! Or write it in anew, but
Let my name be in the Book of Love!"
--Omar Kayam

[supermus]

Apparently someone's forgotton that Marti wrote NMR.



Would Tara/Ethan be Teethan?

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"And maybe I'll find out a way to make it back someday, to watch you, to guide you through the darkest of your days. If A great wave shall fall, and fall upon us all, then I hope there's someone out there who can bring me back to you."

[drlloyd11]

>Apparently someone's forgotton that Marti wrote NMR.

No ones forgot it, but its like when the switched to UPN they left there senses behind..

[Puff]

Wow drlloyd11 that's some list. LOL at the scooby doo one. I used to love reading really bad fic, but there's a difference between bad and just plain disturbing

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You know, it's a real deal relationship and that's why people can relate to it
Amber Benson

[Kieli]

Just when I thought there couldn't be any more wierd pairings that people could come up with, DrLloyd has proved me wrong. I have to ROTFLMAO at his list. I needed the laugh today.



T.

Love is tricky. It is never mundane or daily. You can never get used to it. You have to walk with it, then let it walk with you. You can never balk. It moves you like the tide. It takes you out to sea then lays you on the beach again. Today's struggling pain is the foundation for a certain stride through the heavens. You can run from it but you can never say no. It includes everyone."--Amy Tan "The Hundred Secret Senses"

[Sassette]

Y'know, I have this bizarre urge to see how many of those I can possibly incorporate into my current fic stuff. Which, of course, would be wrong - but I hate being right.



-Sass

[Murasaki S]

Very funny, but I should admit that I've read a fic with Willow as a vamp getting her soul back that was pretty good. No vamp Tara there though, otherwise it could have been brilliant.

[tommo]

Would that be Spander then? Spike and Xander?



And Tara/Ethan... *shudder* That's actually kind of scary.

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Here to help. Wanna live.

[Magrat70]

I still shudder at one I read set in the future with Xander and Willow married with 2 kids. Buffy dead. Tara and Willow split up because Tara kissed OZ and in the end Tara got together with Dawn??!!!!



Actually all the D/S and D/T fics are making me feel sick

These five words in my head scream "are we having fun yet?"

Chad Kroeger

[Sheridan]

Some of those ships are just surreal spawn? clara? I'm sure I read some ridiculous thing where Tara died and Willow turned evil, now that made spander seem reasonable....

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Willow: ...I have to tell you....

Tara: No, I understand you have to be with the
person you l-love

Willow: I am

[Tulipp]

Now, see, I knew there was a reason I pretty much stick to Pens and Extra Flamey and Wiccan Ways.



Nothing wrong with a few rules. Like, oh, say, I don't know, don't kill Tara and/or Willow permanently?

[Urn of Osiris]

#8 OMG I LMAO Royce! I just can not stop laughing.



That was very good!



Urn

_______________**

WILLOW: That's a work ethic! Buffy, you're developing a work ethic.

BUFFY: Oh, no. Do they make an ointment for that
"you can not have more fan fic, you have a fan fic problem"

[tommo]

Quote:

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I'm sure I read some ridiculous thing where Tara died and Willow turned evil

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Oh come on now, who'd write something like that?

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Here to help. Wanna live.

[MissQuirky]

Now thats some very funny stuff!

Willow: We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens. But it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know... insane.
Tara: I said quirky.

[pikachu1060]

lol, that was a really good laugh



God, how quirky do you have to be to write a fanfic about Spike and Xander getting matching brain chips to celebrate there love??

Chris
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There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands
You seek problems because you need their gifts
Richard Bach - Illusions

[Magrat70]

I think the matching chips would be cute. would they have to bleep at the same time. Could they get matching poodles with chips too? some fic writers are basically insane.

These five words in my head scream "are we having fun yet?"

Chad Kroeger

[ninjitsugrrl]

hilarious! thanks for a good laugh.

"What you held in your hand,/what you counted and carefully saved,/all this must go so you know/how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.." - Naomi Shihab Nye


My Homepage

[Mrs Vertigo]

Ok, I’ve read one with a Cordelia/Anya match that had Willow cross dressing (all the way down to fake 'manly parts' in order to simulate the bulge) and winning Tara’s heart as a guy while in the background rumble ships like Xander/Oz, Buffy/Faith Miss Calender/another woman, etc. And just to top it off, it had a little Cordelia/Tara in its prologue.



Oh, and this is sooo good for this thread, check out the site Bad Fiction, No Biscuit!.



Ps. The worst nightmare of all: a match of Willow or Tara with…



Mary Sue.

[gertie1]

Dang, there goes all my future fic ideas. lol. On a more seriously note, that is kinda scary, *shudders* Probably why i don't write fan fic, either none or too much imagination. But that is just too funny, and sadly too true.

Helen

[Sheridan]

Quote:

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Probably why i don't write fan fic, either none or too much imagination

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Well I find it reassuring, in those times when I wonder if I really should be writing at all seeing how appallingly bad some of the other stuff is renews my determination to keep going. Possibliy the best sources of reassurance is actual published Star Trek novels, when you see some of them you just know you can write something better.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Willow: ...I have to tell you....

Tara: No, I understand you have to be with the
person you l-love

Willow: I am

[Dumbsaint]

Heehee. I especially love the Fyarl demon one.



Sometimes Brian speaks Fyarl in chat. He has a little demon in him.



(Named Trevor.)

"It's not real. I mean, there are no vampires, there are no witches. Well, there are Wiccans, but they're not making out with Alyson, so..." -Amber Benson

[tommo]

Yeees. What I found interesting was that there's the distinction between fanfic that's written specifically as a parody or for a joke, and fanfic that is truly, essentially bad. Always worth remembering before you go citing "bad" fics that you've read. Don't you think?

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"The only thing going for me -
were those moments - just
moments - when Tara would look at
me and I was wonderful."

[Warduke]

Well Julia, you know it's really hard sometimes to control the beast

_________________________


Stand and tremble at the sight of Durin’s Bane

[SlayerTazz]

LMAO - this is the best...and since I was thinking of posting a fic -- glad I can check the list and make sure none of them are in mine...some of those **shudder** major ew-age!!

A dream is a wish the heart makes.

Willow: "You had two eggs, sunny-side-up. I remember because they were wiggling at me like little boobs."

Tara: "Sassy Eggs."