When did you know

[friskylez]

Why howdy Janice, nice to see ya Hmmm id venture to guess the oldest or one of the oldest lol...48 here, 49 in two months..Anyone older? But hey im young at heart

"Life is what happens while waiting for your ship to come in"

[urnofosiris]

Quote:

---

Then when I was 24, I was out one day with a friend and she started to tell me how she had had gay feelings in the past, but had them totally under control now,well, I leant over and kissed her, and although there was this HUGE feeling of guilt, and confusion about what was going on it felt right. It wasnt untill we had been together for at least a year that I really admitted to myself though that I was gay, and now 6 years later we are still together.

---

So far for her having those gay feelings totally under control. That was a wonderful story, all the more so because it is true.

-------------------------


Coffee, Food, Kisses and Gay Love........Get it while you are hot

[T Maclay]

Yeah I'm kinda glad she didnt have them under control.

Bored-Now

[sam darls]

Hi all..I just wanted to add my "when did you know" to this thread..okay..I guess i've always know I was gay from way back, when I was about 11, and I remember having my friend over after school and just as she was about to go I realised I wanted to kiss her..but I didn't..and I think that was when I knew I was different from other people at school. And I am so glad I am.. ..but i'm still too scared to tell other people, i'm not sure how to, i just don't want to lose them..much love, sammi xxx

[emma peel]

Just refound this thread.

Yeah, I'm a bit older than you, friskylez, but young at heart as well.

I've always known I've liked women, but as a dysfunctional babyboomer who was an only child and who was around adults primarily while growing up, I kinda sublimated that my liking women wasn't necessarily socially acceptable. Besides, I liked guys and had crushes and stuff, I think because I thought I was "supposed" to. Ha.

I even got married to someone of the male persuasion for a while ; but I got over it. I'm a dyke, I'm queer, I'm lesbian, I'm gay, whatever you want to call me. (I kinda prefer "dyke" cause folks can't use the word to try and hurt me).

Janice

Edited to add that I was also a bit confused and in denial for some time. In college, I had a huge infatuation and some kissage and stuff with another female student, and it was reciprocated for a while. At the time, she was dating a guy who was in love with and wanted to marry her, and I thought that I was "in love" with the guy I was dating. Good grief, the "dang, was I dumb and in denial" old days!"

Edited by: emma peel at: 7/8/03 12:22 pm

[Modjadji]

Two words.



Bad. Girls.



It's cheesy, tacky and unrealistic, and I loved it. I pity you poor, deprived BGless Americans. I remember being 15? 14? something younger than I am now, and chilling on my bed trying very hard to stop breathing a mile a minute after Nikki's jailbreak. Then I had the requisite epiphany moment, "Woah, lesbian here." That combined with a massive crush on my hockey coach (cliche much?), confirmed everything I'd been feeling up until then. As all the other wonderful kitties who've shared their stories have said, hindsight is always 20/20.



Ta,



Mojo

[Krazy Dreamer]

Ok, I’ll add my story here. Starting from the age of 12, people would ask me if I was gay. I had never thought about it and so would answer no. But then at the age of 12 ½, I realized that I had feelings for my best friend. It was really weird and just sort of struck me out of the blue. I was sitting there talking with her, when all of a sudden, it felt like an electrical charge had passed through my entire body. It caught me completely off-guard, and I stopped talking mid-sentence and just sort of stared at her. She laughed and asked me what was wrong. I just smiled and said, “Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about…” But I could tell she knew what had happened. She grabbed my hand and started caressing it, and I didn’t stop her. This was the beginning of 10 of the sweetest, most intense, most painful months of my life that I would never change. When I went home that night and had time to think about what had happened, I remember one thought struck me above all others, “I’m gay, and I don’t care, because it feels so good.” Later I tried dating boys just to be sure of my sexuality. Things didn’t work out quite so well in that area, but it did confirm to me that I was definitely gay.

"Some men see things as they are and say,'why?' I dream things that never were and say, 'why not?'"

- Robert F. JFK

[cattwoman98111]

edited.

Shake it like a polaroid picture -Outkast

Edited by: cattwoman98111 at: 4/8/04 10:42 pm

[kukalaka]

Really more of the when should I have known variety and I only just recently remembered that:



My first (and only) boyfriend had made me very happy for the first time in a way that only works on women. I vividly remember the disappointment I felt at not being able to do this to someone.



Yeah, I know, I'm dense

[imlafn]

I knew for sure when I was 15. I had a crush on a girl at school. I did not "come out" until I was 19. My first time at

a gay bar was...OMG!!! There were so many people I knew

there. I thought I was the only gay person in my little circle

of life. I found out different.

[Tempest Duer]

All my life I've felt that a horrible joke had been played on me... I had a name for it when I was fifteen... I'm a genderqueer psycho who loves his women. And other people's women. And I'm damn glad I can accept it.



Okay, so I don't have much of a story, but, hey... whatever.

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Crayon

[urnofosiris]

Hee, tempest, that´s a nice way of putting it.

[Lt Sticks]

Well, I think in some way ive always known. I was always the tomboy of the class, fighting to impress the girls, not the guys.



I certainly started to have definite feelings when i was about 12-13 (1998), heh someone was talking about having to consciously look away in the changing rooms of gyms, heh i know THAT feeling!



Guys didnt really interest me, i mean i had a couple of bfs in high school, but looking back now, i think they may have just been for show. Stupid Sticks :p



As for the moment that I KNEW? Theres several moments, really. The first ones were the ones that told me, hey, theres a chance this isnt just me being crazy, then theres the one that truly said, Yep Emma, you so aint straight.



The first moments were those times that id find myself wanting to help out that GORGEOUS english teacher, even if she was a total cow to everyone else. And the wanting to kiss friends in lessons *blushes*



As for that truly defining moment, it was when i realised I was in love with my best friend when we were studying A levels, over the last 2 years, and I cried. A lot. Because she had a bf and the whole unrequited love thing just sucked.

A fire in my heart, reborn from the ashes...just call me Phoenix


I'm Under Your Spell, nothing I can do, you just took my soul with you...

JediBites.Com Forums

[shadowygirl]

Soooooooo Many people have so many interesting stoires heh just thought I would share mine



To start I've always kinda known ..

but what got me was my first day at a new school lol I was going into grade 5 and was scared to death cause no one at my old school liked me so I thought that no one here would like me either .

Well my first class was french and I walked in the room the teacher told the class who I was ya know all that make you blush stuff , then she sat me next to this group of girls, I didn't have any books so the one girl shared hers with me and when class was done I thanked her and got up to go just as I was about to walk out the door Ashley "the girl" and her friends came up to me Ashley grabbed my hand and pulled me into our next class ...

I kinda knew then cause I thought wow shes amazing , but what really made me know that I like girls was about 2 months later we had all been friends in school but not much out side of school and one day I was off sick so mom called the school to ask someone to bring my work home for me and Ashley asked if she could she showed up at my house with my school work already done a cup of soup and a stuffed teddy bear then she sat on my bed gave me a hug I told her she was gonnna get sick but she didn't care so she scooted me over and climbed into my bed and we sat watching TV for the next 3 hours .....

and all I could keep thinking was omg this girl is amazing and I watched her and realized how beautiful she was and she was my first major crush .....

we stayed friends till grade 9 then we stopped talking , over some silly stuff but that was how I realllllly knew I was gay



heh just thought I would share



Luv April

[Livelomaniac87]

Hmmm.. All my life I had been having little crushes on women, be it actresses, or just people next door, but I had always figured them to be obsessions, and didn't think they were odd.



But then, when I was 12, I met this girl, and slowly found myself wanting to talk with her, and hang out with her, and find out as much as possible about her. It wasn't until the end of that year that I realized that something was different.



Our school held it's end of the year formal, and she was there with a date( whom I can't stand) and I was there with my date. A slow song began to play, and we all got 'coupley' with our dates. I looked over at her, and it was at that moment that I realized that I was actually jealous of the guy dancing with her! After the dance, I got my first kiss from my boyfriend, and that was when I knew, that I didn't like him, or for that matter, any other guys.



I have been in love with this girl ever since (I'm 17 now) and still have not told her, but I know, that when the time is right, she'll know. And that is how I knew that I was gay.

~ Macy

[The girl who talks but do]

I've been obsessed with Willow from Buffy since the beginning of the second season when I started watching, but I remember the summer before I got to secondary school, so I'll have just turned 11, I went to see Star Wars: the Phantom Menace, and I saw Natalie Portman, and I was like "wow she is sooo cool" then I started thinking about what it would be like to kiss her and I got really scared and I thought there was something wrong with me, I didn't tell anyone cos I was so weird about the whole thing (plus i was only 11) and then the next year Tara was introduced onto BtVS, I didn't like her at first cos I was just so jealous but it did show me that there wasn't anything wrong with me. I still didn't say anything because of my friend's and Mum's reaction to Tara, but she really did help me. I finally told all my friends just over a year ago because I fell head over heels in love with a girl called Sarah that i'd met at the end of May last year, so by August last year I'd told her and my friends. I asked Sarah out and she said yes because it turned out that she's bi! We've broken up now though and in January I told my Mum, she was surprisingly cool about it! lol

So anyways, that's my story!

love'n'hugs

cath

[Spikeizmine87]

hey all..everyone has cute stories! Love yours april! Cute is all I have to say! And cath, Im happy your mom was cool about it! Wish mine was... "grumble"



Well I guess Ive known all my life but I was too busy denying it. And nowadays my mom says that if youre gay then you show signs throughout your life. She says I didn't show "proof." But I know she's denying it as well. All my life I was a hardcore tomboy, everyone halloween i was some guy character, power ranger, pirate, army guy...ect. I played with GI joes and power rangers, I got dirty in the mud. I didnt have many girls who were friends, I liked to kick box and prentend I was a teenage mutant nija turtle. I once got in a fight with some kid cause i wanted his toy car!



Any way. Since I started watching buffy in season 2, the gay jokes went flying with friends and family. Ive always idolized female celebs and my mom didnt care about the posters all over my wall until buffy came along. And then tara happened. I loved her since the minute her and willow touched hands. It was always "amber this" and "amber that" I didnt have my first real crush on a girl until 8th grade. She was my best friend. Heather. And i loved her. But i was freaked, i thought i was wrong and didnt dare tell anyone. She moved and i met my now ex gf. I fell for her hard, we loved eachother. And thats when I knew. I was gay. One night while camping i was trying to tell my one older sis and uncle cause i knew they would be ok with it, but my sister was the one to tell me i was gay. Her words were "Rose, i know youre gay. duh. go to bed." ha.



My mom knows and she hates it but i dont care. My dad knows and he still loves me, and my other older sis knows and she hates it too, but i dont care cause im me and nothing else matters! Im sorry this was long kitties!

-Rose

Please dont let my name fool you, I really am a lesbian! willowntara247@yahoo.com (my email addy!)

[Tempest Duer]

I love reading everyone's stories on this thread. I wish I had an actual story to contribute...



I like your little disclaimer-line, Rose. It's funny.

Saying that up is down will not make up, down.



~Gene Burns

[vix84]

Rose, if I may quote you, "Ive always idolized female celebs and my mom didnt care about the posters all over my wall until buffy came along."



That's so true and kinda interesting. For some reason BtVs seems to bring out the homophobe streak in mothers! Mine didn't care about the 'hints' I gave until I started swooning over Willow and Tara. Then suddenly BtVs was evil and had turned me gay. Uh huh... *nods seriously*



<- this is cute

~*@.......We are the weirdest person in the world.......@*~

[Jinx]

Oh wow. Reading some of these stories and they sound scarily like my own. I showed signs way, way, back. I played with GI Joes, Star Wars Action figures, and adored Power Rangers. I didn't realize it then, but I had an enormous crush on Sporty Spice.

I felt strange when I was in sixth grade and all the girls around me were totally boy crazy. I could admit that some were 'cute', but there were none that I found particularly interesting or attractive. Some girls intrigued me, but the idea that I might be gay never crossed my mind.

Being raised by a homophobic father, I was afraid to even consider the possibilities. I had little crushes on female teachers and other students all through junior high, and when I started watching BtVS reruns my freshman year I had two and two and was on the verge of getting four. Then I had to struggle to accept it, come out (at least to my mom), and all of that good stuff.

But hey, things are looking up, I moved out of my dad's house and am loving the freedom of my more accepting mom's house. Although I'm too scared to come out at school (some major homophobia there), I gain a little more hope each day, because it's one day closer to college and a chance to get out of boring old Missouri.



(Sorry,it's a little long, I have a tendency to ramble. Someone should just tell me to shut up.)

[Arwen]

Hi Folks,



I'm not sure my story belongs here....not that it's really a story.



I wasn't sure when I knew, because I'm not sure that I do know. Like you, the girl who talks but doesn't (I think I got that right ) I was instantly infatuated with Willow from the beginning of season one of Buffy, but wasn't too sure why. And then there was Tara - Hello! And then with the Willow AND Tara, my, I couldn't sleep at night. I suddenly began questioning myself. I suddenly thought back to all of the times I had secret crushes on different teachers, friends, and actresses. I wondered at the possibility that I was gay, but then thought, oh of course you're not! It's a puberty thing.



Funny thing is, I'm 26 and three boyfriends later, I still find myself trying to figure this out. Sure, men are attractive, yes, I loved being in love, but there's a part of me that can't let - well, can't let 'me' go. Is that wrong? Or was it just wrong of me to do this to these boyfriends? Just suddenly stop feeling for them? I'm not sure what to think actually. I'm formerly Roman Catholic (oh yeah, taught by scary nuns and everything) and now a fully practicing Wiccan of 10 years. that's enough to send anyone into therapy! LOL



I wonder if part of it is that deep down I've always had a bit of a fear of men, but fear is a strong word. I don't feel right with a man. But I can say I have a rather HUGE infatuation withthe likes of Angelina Jolie. Perhaps that's my answer right there! Or maybe I'm bi? (Shaking my head) I don't know if I'd feel 'right' with a woman either.



Many a night I've spent awake wondering these things, and trying to picture and imagine situations in my mind, and I'm sad to say that it confuses me even more.



Maybe someday I'll know. I hope so at least.



A very confused,

Arwen

[JennyB UK]

I always wish I could be one of those people who have always known but I guess to some extent I am like Arwen and I don't know yet.



I have always been a really girly girl and when I was about 13 (1992), I started to become fascinated by other girls. I assumed it was just part of my girliness. Then when I hit 15 the fascination grew, but I kind of convinced myself that it was just cos I was so girly and I fancied men so I cudn't be a lesbian.



When I went to college I became friends with a beautiful girl and whenever I looked at her i got the "jolt". I realised that I fancied her, but I also really fancied the guy I was going out with.



So for a while I thought ok so it's gonna be both then (how greedy of me!). But now, as I am getting older the guy fancying side of me is shrinking. I'm having a full on Buffy moment - "i'm cookie dough, im not done becoming whatever it is i'm gonna be".



My heart goes out to you Arwen - I hope we both discover our actual selves soon. Also, i second ur thoughts on Angelina Jolie - what a hottie!

[Floyd]

Yo guys,



In a way I've always known. I've always been a bit of a tomboy and been attracted to girls from a very young age(pretty much when I started school). I knew even before I knew what "gay" was. Then when I realised I wasn't "normal", that's when all my trouble started. I kinda hated myself for a couple of years, mainly until I realised that it's not bad or unnatrual, when I met a couple of mates who are gay. So yay on them for making me see the light.



Later, Aimee.

"Green day is like sex, when we're good, we're really good, when we're bad . . . we're still pretty damn good." - Mike Dirnt, Green Day

[WillowRTaraM1]

I can't remember if I was 11 or 12.. one of them.. but I was at camp and I devoloped this absurd gigantic crush on one of my female counselors :-P Oddly enough I wasn't suprised by my thoughts or feelings.. maybe I knew unconciously for awhile before that. But anyways I stayed "in the closet" untill I was 15.. now all is well and good

---

Ooo I feel just like santa except thinner and younger and female and...well Jewish- Willow

[Auburn]

oo oo I had an extremely odd moment when I was 15...



I realised when I was 8 years old that my uncle(Simon) was gay and he was so shocked that I understood it perfectly at that age and still loved him unconditionally. He and I grew ever closer and when I reached my teens I realised that I just didn't go 'do-lally' for the boys like all my friends, from that point on I tried to find a time to tell him that I felt maybe I was gay too, but I just didn't get round to it until...



One weekend my mum was going away so Simon came over to chaperone my cousin John(who, looking back was SO obvious because he is stereotypically effeminate) and I. We all had some alcohol and John went on to ask how Simon knew he was gay...



Simon explained that he knew because he wasn't attracted to women at all, to which john said "Then I think I'm gay too."



We all just stared at each other for a moment dumbfounded then burst out laughing Simon said "The women will miss out not being able to have us, John."



When you realise you're gay it's like putting the final piece to your jigsaw and everything fits



so I answered honestly; "At least they'll have me."



I'm 19 now and think I'm extremely lucky to have Simon and John our family can't argue with the three of us can you imagine the hissy fits?!



Auburn

[numbered words]

I think when I first started to ACUTALLY realize that I was attracted to those of the female persuasion was most likely when I was right around 13 or 14. At the time I had a MAJOR crush on my (now) best friend, Nathanael. If you even mentioned his name I would blush. I was smitten with the boy. But in the back of my head the whole time I knew that something was off.



I have always been a very touchy type of person. But at this time I started realizing that the majority of the people that I was drawn to touch were girls. I found a strange attraction towards my girl friends and a majority of my journals at the time were filled with "Why won't < insert female name here > be friends with me?" Now, looking back on it was equal to other people's "Why won't < insert name > like me? I like them sooo much!" I found myself, while smitten with Nathanael, longing to be noticed by my girl friends. I always felt the pull to hold them or kiss them or hold their hands.



I started to come to the conclusion that...maybe I wasn't as straight as I thought I was.



Looking back I can definitely see my attraction to girls spanning back all the way to preschool. I remember there was one girl, I don't remember her name, with long blonde hair that used to chase me around the playground. I would complain about how annoying she was, but secretly I loved it. The attention from a girl. I remember making sure that she would see me on the playground so that she would chase me and do that little girlish giggles that little girls do when they like someone. I don't know if she liked me or if she just wanted to be my friend. Either way I know that I enjoyed the attention from her.



Another incident was when I was probably 8. At this point in time my hair was cut really short. In fact, one of the biggest disputes in my grade at the time was whether or not I was a boy or girl. I looked like a boy but I had a girl name. Most people were confused. I was at one of my Dad's work picnics. Me and some of the boys were running around and we came across these uberly mature 12 and 13 year old girls. All the boys thought that they were attractive as did I. I remember one of the girls addressing me and asking my name. I blushed and ducked my head. At this she lifted up my chin and winked at me. To this I blushed more and decided that my shoelaces were the most interesting thing to look at during that present moment. I still remember her smile. I remember how I felt being smiled at by her.



I first came out to myself freshman year of high school. I realized that I was gay and that there was nothing I could do about it despite my religion's teachings. I was baptized and am currently, on record, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormon). The religion began to die in my heart when I fully realized that I am gay and that no matter what I will eventually not be a member of the church. Some of its teachings I agree with. But it's hard to love a religion that hates you.



I have currently come out to...8 people in real life. Included in that 8 are my sister and my closest friends. There are a few in there that I'm not VERY close friends with, but it came up one way or another and therefore they know. Basically I"m at the point now that if someone asks me if I'm gay I just tell them. I'm not going to bring it up. I'm not going to start a conversation with the intention of coming out. If someone wants to know they can just ask me.



It's a lot easier too know that I have my beautiful and wonderful girlfriend as a support. The majority of the people I have come out to have been because I simply can't contain my happiness concerning her. When someone asks about anything concerning her it's just hard to keep inside. Every added day with her love makes it easier and easier to show my love for her.





And wow...that was realllly long. My apologies. lol.



-Kristyn

[MissKittys Ball O Yarn]

My whole life I had no Idea what was wrong with me.

I had always had crushes various English teachers since the time of grade school, but never recognized them for what they were. I never once questioned that I might be gay. Even when I was thirteen and had somehow succeeded in getting my best friend at the time, into the sack and then convincing her to let me have my way with her (Which I did) didn't force me to see the light regarding my budding lesbianism.



I had boyfriends throughout high school, but looking back on it I can see that I didn't like any of the boys I dated they would irritate me and I would end up saying something mean and then telling them never to call me again...it was a pattern that I continued all through school.



It wasn't until sometime after my 18th birthday...and I remember this day specifically and in great detail... I was driving home from work, and it hit me..."I am totally Gay!" (I actually said this out loud to myself in the car) And it was like a weight I had been caring around with me all my life was lifted. There was nothing wrong with me I was just Gay. I turned the car around and drove to my Mothers house. She was outside in the garden, and came over to me when she saw me pulling up in the driveway. We went inside and I turned to her and said.. "Mom... you know why I don't have a boyfriend?" she looked at me and said "Why?" and I looked right at her and said.. "Because Im Gay." She struggled for a moment with denial and went back outside telling me that I was not a lesbian that I was just confused. I waited for her to come back inside. It only took her ten minutes. She came back in and told me that she had always suspected that I was gay and that she loved me no matter what.



Im nearly 24 now and have a wonderful wife. My mom has "outed" me to everyone in the family and most of the people at her work...and my work...and when we went to the circus... and there was the time that she told the neighbors.... (I think Im going to have to have a talk with my mom....) hehe



anyway...sorry for the ramble... I guess I had a lot to say..



xoxo

Emms

[WTtruelove]

Since I can remember I showed the stereotypical signs, ripping barbie dolls heads off, hanging with the guys, the usual rough and tumble stuff. And how I never really showed any more than friend intrest in guys. but i didnt really think to much of it. but about a year ago this month i didnt start really thinking i could be gay until i met a friend and ended up having way more than just friend feelings for her.

i was kinda freaked out and scared on how to deal with this but luckly i have really awesome friends, a reasonable mum, and good people to talk to.

still havent even considered telling my dad, but thats what 21 is for.

I'm just lucky i had it this good, cause i know it could of been a lot worse.

"Its not like death is some horrible and terrible thing when you think about it intellectually, ignore me I'm full of sh*t" - Chance



"I like my demons. I consider them close personal friends. We enjoy each other's company immensely." ~Chance

[Rainbow Kiwi]

I am happy to say that I have no regrets.



Well, to start, my role model was a lesbian. That meant that growing up I was very farmiliar with the term and what it meant. I never looked like a tomboy (I always had long hair, and I am cutting it all off very soon) but I always acted like one.



Growing up I always looked more to girls than boys. I found boys great type of people to play sports with and beat up. I had percosious puberty, so the doctors gave me Lupron. I have always been more mature than those my age (some are just starting to catch up, and I am 14. Even still I am more mature than most of them). I was never really interested in either sexes until about thirteen.



At that point I came out as bisexual, even though I knew damn well that I was lesbian. It was more accepted and a testing-the waters stage. After that a few guys got a crush on me, and I got sick of dealing with that. That is when I finally came out as lesbian, and boy was I proud.



I am still yet to have a girlfriend, yet I have been in love once and am head over heals for a girl currently. So yes, I have no regrets. I, unlike many lesbians, have not kissed a guy. So my first kiss is saved for a female that I am head over heals for ^^



~Nick

[Ellen Tracy]

Hi guys.



You know, I think I've known since I was like eleven but I didn't do anything about it until recently. I just kept thinking about it and I started going on gay chat rooms then I knew I'd have to get some help so I asked my connexions worker Lynne and she got this women called Joy to talk to me and she invited me to a GLB group and wowee wow they are such cool people!