This happened the other day, MKF, but like the old days I decided to wait until Thursday to talk about it. There's a girl I've written about here a couple of times, first girl I ever fell in love with. Long time ago, 25 years ago this year, actually. We split up amicably, we both wanted very different things in life - this was back in my first year in Japan; I wanted to stay, she wanted to go home. We wanted different things in life beyond just that, I came to learn. But for that short time, I had never and never have since connected with another human being in quite the same way. Rose colored glasses now, maybe, I don't know. Everything looks great when you're old (er) and look back on when you were young.
We found each other again once the internet became a thing, connected on Facebook. We'd each gotten on with our lives, gotten married to other people, had kids, drifted apart like people do, but we always remembered each other's birthday. Last couple of years that's really the only contact we had.
Her birthday was today, and yesterday I spent some time browsing her Facebook page. Saw that this last year hadn't been so good, her divorce was finalized last month. She has two kids a little younger than mine. I was surprised at how sad it made me feel. I felt bad for her, for her kids, mostly for her because I wanted her to be happy. I didn't mention anything about this when I wrote to her today, I know she doesn't want my pity or anybody else's. She's tough on the outside, but the person I got to know back then was not tough on the inside. She went through a lot in her life, and she never had much luck with relationships before or after me ... until she finally settled down and got married. I know she'll get through this and probably come out stronger, but inside I think I know how deep and how hard it hurts now.
This is the weird part. She very well may not be the same person anymore that I came to know 25 years ago. 25 years is a long time. When I look inside myself I know I've changed dramatically in some ways ... but I think the "her from back then" would still recognize most of the "me from back then." Maybe. I like to think so, at least. I want to hug the person I knew then, the girl from 25 years ago, tell her it's alright even if it isn't, just be a friend because I know she wouldn't reach out to anybody else, she'd take it all on herself, suffer on her own.
She sounded upbeat when she wrote back to me today.
The me from back then still misses her. The me from today doesn't want to get his ass kicked by mrs. gorn, so I came here on a Thursday to share it with you guys.
Maybe there's no one around who remembers, but this is the same girl from my sock story.
_________________ I spent most of my money on liquor and women, The rest I wasted.
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