lol, the Kitten: home of fucked up peas
Eu Tus Ojos wrote:
[snip]
I was merely venting to be honest, I wasn't in the best of moods and maybe shouldn't have posted here at all.
Oh, no, I think it's good that you posted here. That is what this thread and this board are for. You are welcome to post here with coming out issues, as are all Kittens. This thread isn't only for success stories - it's for the struggles that many, maybe most, of us have had in coming out. You are certainly not the first person, or the first Kitten, to feel some discomfort about the idea of possibly being gay or bi, for whatever reasons. It's good that you posted - not only good for you (I hope), but also good for other Kittens who may be feeling the same way you are. This board and this thread specifically are here for you all. Not everyone will understand where you're coming from, and that's okay. They aren't you. Don't worry about them.
Even for people who, unlike yourself, are feeling some self-loathing over the prospect of being gay, that's understandable, too. No, of course, no one here is going to cheer for the concept that gay = bad/dirty/perverted/evil/etc., but I think a lot of us can relate to those feelings. It wouldn't be any wonder, considering how very homophobic many societies are, and the fact that homophobia still can be found in even the most gay-friendly of societies. It can be a long, difficult, unpleasant, and turbulent journey to get from "gay is evil" or "gay is disgusting" if that's what you've been taught all your life to a place where you accept yourself as you are and have a more healthy attitude about it. This thread and this board are here for those people, too.
My personal opinion about the causes of any sexual orientation is that it's so poorly understood, there's almost no point in talking about it. The consensus these days is that sexual orientation is the result of an interaction between genes and environment. Possibly hormone levels in the intrauterine environment have an effect. No one knows for sure. And sexuality does appear to be somewhat fluid, especially for women. I think sexuality is entirely too complex to be easily explained. Which doesn't stop researchers from researching the crap out of it, and that's fine, except that I wish people wouldn't use research findings to base their acceptance of self or others on. Ideally, it wouldn't matter whether we're born this way or choose it. We should be accepted, period.
Alicepire, lol, yeah, all that does sound confusing. I think a lot of people have similar issues with sex...until they have it, and sometimes then even after they have it. Dating, kissing, sex...it can all seem so weird when you have little or no experience with it. It's just outside your comfort zone, and I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that. I don't think you are a freak because you're 18 and haven't done these things yet. There is something to be said for waiting for the emotional maturity and the right partner before you get involved in things that can be really intense experiences. On the other hand, doing them is how you learn about them and, hopefully, grow to be more comfortable with them. It's your life and you're really the only person who can set your pace.
About your mom, I do think it's fairly common for parents to have strange reactions to their own children coming out. Perhaps your mother worries for you and what your life will be like, because she knows how homophobic the world can be and she wishes you would never have to face it. Maybe she does have some issues with it herself, but has never had to confront her own issues because it never felt personal to her before now. Who knows? Maybe Eu Tus Ojos is right and she just wants those grandbabies in a hurry. Whatever it is, I think what's most important is that you accept yourself. You're the one who lives in your skin.
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a queer girl always leads to more