This is the opening to my newest story. I am still in the middle of writing it, and I know this part is short, but I assure you there is more to come.





TITLE: Outside and In

AUTHOR: Kirk Baldridge

E-MAIL: KirkBwriter@juno.com

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. The more the better.

DISTRIBUTION: You want it? Take it. Just let me know where it is.

SPOILERS: Nothing, really. I mean come on. The show is over. What's left to spoil?

CONTENT: W/T B/R X/A

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. If I did, I'd treat them better than...some people.

SUMMARY: A look at some of the college years, through the eyes of an outsider who ended up being the heart and soul of the Scooby gang.

NOTE: This story is told, obviously, from Tara's point of view. Hopefully I will be able to describe the events of season four in a way that you will be able to recognize individual episodes.





**



UC Sunnydale.

The campus library.

Midnight.



A bleary-eyed Tara Maclay lifted her head out of the chemistry book she had been studying, then stretched her shoulders and yawned. She looked at her watch.

It was late, and she had an early class. Sighing, she packed her things and left the library.

The nineteen year old's long blonde hair was hanging down in her face as she walked. That was because she was staring at her feet--an old habit she picked up in high school and never outgrew. Every so often she would glance up to see if she was going to run into anyone or anything.

About halfway to her dorm, Tara heard sounds. Someone yelling, and...roaring. She peeked around a corner and saw a large, badly dressed man fighting a small, blonde-haired woman. She didn't get a good look at either of them because the lamp overhead was fizzling out, but at one point the man paused beneath the light and Tara saw his face.

It was...disfigured. His forehead was ridged and bumpy, with two tiny smoldering golden eyes peeking out from beneath it, and what appeared to be fangs in his sneering mouth.

Hi!



Wow! Kirk this is a great start.



Short, but still really awesome.



You described Tara well. The habit of staring at her feet while she walked really showed off her shy nature.



And then when she sees Buffy dusting the vamp was really cool. I can't wait to read more. Update soon.

You have my attention. I am fascinated by Tara the character, i think she has more depth, past and history than Joss and company ever touched. I am a lurker by nature (see my reasons in the intro thread), but your story caught my eye. One question, how long is this going to be? I am into LONG fic, and i was wondering how long this one would last me.



aly

Well, to be honest, I'm not sure how long it's going to be. I'm not finished with it yet, but I figured out somewhere along the line that was already 30 pages or so. That's probably not as long as you'd like, but hopefully you will be entertained with what I do present here.



Anyway, here's the update.







TITLE: Outside and In

AUTHOR: Kirk Baldridge

E-MAIL: KirkBwriter@juno.com

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. The more the better.

DISTRIBUTION: You want it? Take it. Just let me know where it is.

SPOILERS: Nothing, really. I mean come on. The show is over. What's left to spoil?

CONTENT: W/T B/R X/A

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. If I did, I'd treat them better than...some people.

SUMMARY: A look at some of the college years, through the eyes of an outsider who ended up being the heart and soul of the Scooby gang.

NOTE: This story is told, obviously, from Tara's point of view. Hopefully I will be able to describe the events of season four in a way that you will be able to recognize individual episodes.



**



The next day after classes, Tara went to her room to change clothes. There was a Wicca meeting that afternoon and she was looking forward to hopefully doing some real magic. Since arriving on campus she had been looking for ways to further her mystical skills and knowledge, with little success.

It hadn't taken her long to realize the other girls in the Wicca group were just wannabes. They had no interest in real magic. Most didn't even believe in it. She only stayed with them on the off-chance one of them might finally decide to do some spells, or at least discuss people who did. During their last meeting she learned someone new was going to be joining the group, and she was admittedly curious.

Once in the commons area Tara discovered that they again didn't have enough chairs, so she took her usual spot on the floor. Just inside the circle, out of the line of sight of the other girls. As long as they didn't notice her she could reasonably expect to avoid their ridicule. Several of the wannabes started talking, so she scanned the group in search of a new face, and when she saw her she thought her heart would stop.

The redhead was stunning. Breathtaking. Gorgeous. Like something out of a dream. Literally. As she looked on Tara recognized the young woman from a recurring dream she'd been having off and on since high school. Not in any detail exactly, but she remembered red hair and green eyes for sure. Tara sat there, staring at her, for the rest of the afternoon. She had not believed in love at first sight, until now.

After the meeting ended, Tara tried to gather courage enough to talk to the newcomer. She was distracted when the redhead smiled and waved at someone else, and was so dazzled that she turned away. When she looked back, the redhead was walking away with another woman; a pretty blonde who called her Willow. At least she knew the redhead's name now. Willow.

Tara left. She got the feeling she would be having a whole new kind of dream from now on.



**



Over the next several days Tara tried repeatedly to talk to Willow. Something always stopped her.

Usually it was her own self-doubt, or fear of what the other woman would think of her. Other times Willow ran off before she could get there, either with the blonde or a dark-haired young man.

Then came the day that changed everything, though she wasn't aware of it at the time.

It started out like any other Wicca group. Rachel, their unofficial leader and Meghan, her best friend, started to blather on about the Gaia newsletter and having a bake sale. Tara groaned inwardly. Nothing ever changed. Then, to her surprise and elation, Willow interrupted.

She tried to discuss "the wacky notion of spells", her own words, only to be shot down by the others. Surprising herself, Tara spoke up on the redhead's behalf, but Rachel's cruel wit shut her down as usual. Willow noticed her, for a change, but she was embarrassed that she took off as soon as the meeting was over. She went straight to the library, huddled in a dark corner, and stared aimlessly at one of her text books until hunger finally got the best of her and she decided it was safe to go to the cafeteria.

Halfway through her meal she noticed someone walking up to her table. Amanda. One of the other members of the Wicca group. Few of them ever spoke to her, and Amanda was the only one who treated her halfway decently. The blonde felt her cheeks flush as the pretty, dark-skinned girl smiled at her.

"Tara, hi."

"Oh. H-Hi, Amanda."

"Can I sit?"

Tara shrugged her shoulders.

Amanda grabbed a chair, turned it around, and straddled it. "Can I ask you something?"

"I guess." Tara braced herself.

"Are you gay?"

The blonde's face turned bright red.

"Hey, I don't care if you are or not. No big. I'm just curious. I've seen the way you've been watching the new girl all week, and it got me thinking. You got a crush on her or something?"

Tara lifted her head. "What if I do?" She wondered where the boost of courage came from.

"It's cool. Like I said, I don't really care one way or the other." Amanda stood up. "Anyway, I gotta go. Catch you at the next meeting." She chuckled as she walked off.

Tara decided then and there she wasn't going to the Wicca group anymore.



**

Kirk B



Life is much too serious to be taken seriously.



Willow is a tree that weeps, but Tara is firmer and will hold.

Yaaaaaaaay another fic from Kirk B I loved your other stories



And I love this fic too; just wondering, Tara just found out about vampires, but she is a full witch? Ah well guess we'll read it in an upcoming update



Great story so far!

------------------

'I go online sometimes, but everyone's spelling is really bad..it's depressing' - Tara



Amber Online www.amberbenson-online.cjb.net

Kirk-



I speculate things are about to go unhappy and terribly embarassing for our evershy hero. This has been done many many times, but i count on you to make it different, interesting or personal in a way that hasn't been before (no pressure, of course )



I have been lurking here for a long time, and only got into buffy as a result of my college roomates who owns the DVDs and whatnot. My question is this--is there something in canon about Tara dreaming of willow before she met her? A good number of you guys seem to use that as a plot device in your stories and i was wondering where it came from.



aly



ps...eagerly awaits.

Little M-- Yes, Tara is a full witch. But she's not had a lot of experience where the supernatural is concerned, other than her magic of course. And besides, even if she knows vampires exist, knowing OF them and SEEING one are two completely different things.



Astrangerhere-- I haven't read a lot of stories recently, but to answer your question, there was never anything canon in the show to indicate Tara ever had dreams of Willow prior to meeting her. I think the reason so many of us use it as a plot device is because it is an incredibly sweet and romantic idea.





Anyway, just for you guys, here's more story.





TITLE: Outside and In

AUTHOR: Kirk Baldridge

E-MAIL: KirkBwriter@juno.com

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. The more the better.

DISTRIBUTION: You want it? Take it. Just let me know where it is.

SPOILERS: Nothing, really. I mean come on. The show is over. What's left to spoil?

CONTENT: W/T B/R X/A

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. If I did, I'd treat them better than...some people.

SUMMARY: A look at some of the college years, through the eyes of an outsider who ended up being the heart and soul of the Scooby gang.

NOTE: This story is told, obviously, from Tara's point of view. Hopefully I will be able to describe the events of season four in a way that you will be able to recognize individual episodes.



**



The next morning Tara woke and headed to the bathroom she was immediately struck by how quiet it was. None of her neighbors were doing their awake and argue routine, the girl next door wasn't having a quickie before class apparently, and no loud phone conversations were going on.

She threw on a robe and headed to the bathroom. In the hallway she passed a number people, most of whom she didn't know very well. They were crying, leaning against one another and gesturing frantically. The blonde got the feeling something was wrong, but did not know who or how to ask. Once in the shower, it was only while she was soaping herself up and decided to sing, which she almost never did where people could hear her, that she realized her voice wasn't working. She cleared her throat several times, to no avail.

On the verge of panicking, Tara returned to her room to get dressed. If it was only her she might have thought it was just a case of laryngitis and not been so worried. But a quick look around told her everyone, men and women alike, had been affected. That made the whole thing seem somehow more sinister. Tara had heard a lot of strange things about Sunnydale as she was registering for classes.

She had experiences some of it first hand. Like the scary, fanged guy who attacked her the other night. She was pretty sure he had been a vampire, as crazy as that thought was. Equally as strange was that woman driving the vampire off with little effort. A little research on the subject of vampires brought up a word, more like a title really, which she was still trying to determine the origin of--Slayer. She thought about everyone's lack of speech and wondered if magic might be involved. It sounded crazy, of but then again so did the idea of vampires and girls who fought them. She gathered her books and sat down to do research.

Eventually hunger got the better of her, so she took a couple of books with her and went to the cafeteria. In the commons area she paused for a moment to see how the people around her were dealing, and like the rest of them nearly jumped out of her skin when someone dropped a glass. It sounded almost explosive because the room was so quiet. She shook her head and continued on to the cafeteria, which turned out to be closed. She got some food out of the vending machines instead, and went to the library.

As evening approached, Tara finally had some luck. She found a book about spells of speech and silence, which she thought might be able to help. Unfortunately, they all either required a witch of far greater power than she or at least two lower powered witches working together. None of the wannabes knew anything about magic, but they had introduced her to someone who might. Willow. If she was really interested in spells, as she said in the group a while back, she might have the additional power Tara needed. So the blonde looked through the student registry and found ROSENBERG, WILLOW in room 214 of Stevenson Hall.

If Willow really was a witch, like her, then she might have some insight on what was happening. Tara gathered her books and went out in the darkness. Having the campus so quiet freaked her out, and she picked up the pace as she made her way toward Stevenson Hall. At one point she dropped her books, and as she was bending over to pick them up she heard what sounded like chains rattling and shuffling footsteps.

She glanced over her shoulder and gasped as she saw what was coming toward her.

Two men...no, creatures she quickly realized. They had inhuman, hairless faces with toothy mouths frozen in an eerie grin. Both thin, black-suited beings were effortlessly floating around, a foot or so off the ground, and were accompanied by even more hideous creatures in straight jackets.

Tara ran. She didn't bother looking behind her because she could feel and hear them following her. She ran into Stevenson and began pounding on doors. At one point she even tried screaming for help, even though she knew it was useless. The only time one of the doors she knocked on did open, another of the grinning creatures emerged holding a still bloody human heart in his hand. She ran faster now.

Any time she paused, to knock on a door or catch her breath, the creatures got closer. They were determined to catch her. She was so frightened by then she forget what she was looking for, and was not expecting the occupant of room 214 to come out in response to the commotion.

Willow. Too late she saw the redhead, they collided, and both went down in a silent heap. Willow's grimaced in pain and clutched at her ankle. Then she saw the floating beings coming toward them and realized why the blonde had been running in the first place. She tried to stand up and run but her leg gave out. Tara, seeing this, put an arm around the redhead and helped her hobble toward the stairs.

The creatures followed them downstairs. But the floating men-things were slower, or else let the others do the work for them. Tara led Willow to the first open door she could find, which turned out to be the laundry room. It did have a lock, but the pounding from outside told her it wouldn't hold for long. She and Willow tried to move a vending machine in front of the door, but it was far too heavy to budge. She joined the redhead on the floor when the pain of standing proved too much for her, and saw her brow furrow.

Tara began to sense magic emanating from Willow. It was directed at that vending machine which dared to defy her. To the blonde's surprise it actually started to move, but only slightly. This strain quickly took its toll, and the redhead soon had to cease her efforts. Her shoulders slumped in defeat, a state she was probably not accustomed to. Tara stared at her for a moment. She really was a witch, and a strong one at that. But now she was tired, scared and in pain, not the best combination for focusing ones power.

Tara made up her mind. She wasn't sure how much she could help, but it was worth a try. She took a deep breath and then slid her hand under and into Willow's. The redhead glanced at her, eyes widening, and their gazes locked for a moment. Their breathing soon fell in sync as they felt the power surge between them. As one they turned to the vending machine, which slid easily across the room and slammed into the door. Even when the lock gave they were not able to push the door any further, and eventually gave up.

The witches were left holding hands. Tara blinked. Willow's fingers were still interlaced with hers, and she was sure she felt a strange tingling sensation traveling the length of her arm. From the way Willow was reacting, with parted lips and faster breaths, she felt it too. They stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds longer, and then the redhead smiled. Tara did too. Slowly, their hands parted.

"Are you okay?" Willow mouthed.

Tara nodded. She glanced at the redhead's leg. "How's your ankle?"

"Hurts." They both laughed silently. "Guess we should try and get out of here."

"No. Let's wait."

"Why?"

"Monsters..." Tara mouthed. "...might still be out there."

Willow nodded. "I guess you're right."



**



Time passed for Tara and Willow in the laundry room, staring at the vending machine or the walls or the dryers, anything to avoid looking at one another. Now that the danger had apparently passed they were starting to find the intimacy of their mystical connection to be unsettling, to say the least.

Soon they heard noises from the hallway outside. Voices. People were talking again. Realizing this the witches finally looked at each other, waiting to see who would be the first to speak.

"Um..." Willow, with some effort, stood up. From the way she was moving Tara guessed the rest had helped her ankle, but she was still taking it easy. "I guess we can get out of here now."

Tara nodded and stood up too. "How, umm, do we do that, exactly?" She was curious, and a bit concerned. It had taken their combined magical power to move the vending machine the last time.

The redhead shrugged her shoulders. "Well...it worked before." Tara held her breath as Willow put her hand out, then she put her own into it. "On three?"

Tara nodded. "Okay."

"One..." Their hands clenched.

They looked into one another's eyes. "...two..."

"...three!"

One cue the witches reached out with their power, focusing on the vending machine, and with surprisingly little difficulty shoved it away from the door. It was an exhilarating experience for both.

Willow laughed. "It worked!"

Tara couldn't help noticing that the redhead did not let go of her hand. In fact, as she was staring at the door she seemed to be squeezing it a little tighter. "W-We should..."

"Right." Willow let go and went to open the door. She hesitated then, and turned. "Thank you."

Tara was confused again. "For what?"

"You helped me get away from the Gentlemen, and you didn't have to. I hurt my ankle? Most people would have just left me there and run. You're a hero, you know that?"

Tara shook her head. "M-Me? No, I'm...you're welcome. I'm just glad I w-was there." Something occurred to her, and she swept a lock of golden hair out of her eyes. "What're Gentlemen?" She noticed a change in Willow's face then, as if she had been caught saying something she wasn't supposed to.

"Umm..." Willow grew silent for a moment. "Look. Tara isn't it?" She sighed when the blonde nodded. "I have to go check on my friends. You know, make sure they're all right? But I'd like to see you again, if it's okay with you. We can talk more then. Okay?"

Tara blushed slightly in spite of herself. "Okay. How about the commons? T-Ten o'clock?"

"Sounds great. See you later." Willow smiled and walked out of the room, humming to herself.

Tara followed her out into the hall and watched her go. "Goddess. I think I'm in love."



**

So you're falling into cannon here, but Amanda isnt cannon... just lurkin around til i see what you do with her. lurk...lurk...lurk...

Yes it is canon. It was always intended to be canon. I'm probably best known for doing alternate reality, 'what-if' sort of stories, but this one is different.



I wanted to take the tale Whedon gave us, and show us what he did not. We know what happened to Buffy and Willow and all the Scoobies during the 4th season, but a very important character named Tara Maclay was also introduced. And other than the brief glimpses we got of her when she was with Willow, we don't know what she might have seen or done or experiences as she and Willow were falling in love. So I decided to right this wrong, and thus this story was born.



Speaking of which, here's some more.



TITLE: Outside and In

AUTHOR: Kirk Baldridge

E-MAIL: KirkBwriter@juno.com

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. The more the better.

DISTRIBUTION: You want it? Take it. Just let me know where it is.

SPOILERS: Nothing, really. I mean come on. The show is over. What's left to spoil?

CONTENT: W/T B/R X/A

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. If I did, I'd treat them better than...some people.

SUMMARY: A look at some of the college years, through the eyes of an outsider who ended up being the heart and soul of the Scooby gang.

NOTE: This story is told, obviously, from Tara's point of view. Hopefully I will be able to describe the events of season four in a way that you will be able to recognize individual episodes.



**



Willow was the last thing on Tara's mind when she went to bed that night, and the first thing she thought of when she woke up that next morning. She had a big smile on her face as she went to take a shower and then for the first time in a long time spent an hour in the closet trying to figure out what to wear. It wasn't actually a date, so in the end she decided on something casual and then headed out the door.

She was so anxious to be seeing Willow again that she was in the commons area before she realized it was only nine thirty in the morning. Their meeting was for ten. Sighing, she slid her purse off and sat down to wait. Before long her mind began to wander, leading her to reminisce about the strange things she had seen and been through since coming to Sunnydale. Like meeting a vampire, another real witch, and a band of monsters she was pretty sure were called the Gentlemen. And Willow knew about them.

The redhead was clearly more than just a pretty--no, gorgeous, magnificent, resplendent...Tara sighed. Love did terrible things to her concentration. It dawned on her that if Willow's knowledge of the supernatural proved to be as extensive as she imagined, she might be able to discover out her secret. Tara wondered what Willow would do if she found out her human face hid a demon core, tied to her magic.

That thought made her uncomfortable, and she got tired of sitting. So she stood up and started pacing. Maybe it was too late, and Willow had found out somehow. Or maybe...

"Tara! Hey!"

It was Willow. Running, literally, a bit late. Tara breathed a sigh of relief. "H-Hey."

"Sorry I'm late," Willow said apologetically. "I overslept."

Tara shrugged her shoulders. "It's okay. I w-was tired too. After yesterday?"

"Speaking of which...can I ask you something?" Tara nodded, and Willow continued. "It was no accident we, um, ran into each other yesterday, was it? You were there looking for me?"

"I thought m-maybe we could do a spell," Tara replied. "Make people talk again?" Willow gestured to two chairs and they sat down while she was still talking. "I'd seen you in the group. The W-Wicca group? You were different than them. They didn't seem to know..."

"...what they were talking about?" Willow offered. She smiled, and Tara nodded.

"I think if they saw a w-witch, they would, umm, run the other way."

"How long have you been practicing?" Willow asked.

"Always." Tara quickly corrected herself. "I mean...since I was little. My mom was, too." The blonde felt an old, familiar ache deep within her heart as she thought of her mother. It still hurt, even after all these years. "She, um, she had a lot of power. Like you."

Tara saw Willow react to this statement. She had a look of disbelief on her face as she shook her head. "Oh. I'm not...I don't have much in the way of power. Most of my potions come out soup. 'sides, spells going awry, friends in danger, I'm definitely nothing special."

Tara gazed right into the redhead's eyes now. "No you are." Then she realized how brazen and forward her words must have sounded and lowered her head, her cheeks flushing bright red. Willow didn't look angry or shocked or, most importantly, disgusted though. She just smiled.

Seeing this, Tara smiled too. She decided to change the subject. "So, umm, the Gentlemen?"

Willow blinked. "What?"

"L-Last night. You said something about the Gentlemen. Was that those things that were chasing us?"

Now Willow's cheeks flushed. Tara thought it was the cutest thing in the world.

"Uhm, yeah."

"What?" Tara's eyes widened. "Was it supposed to be a secret or something?" She couldn't imagine why.

The redhead sighed. "Well, I guess it's okay to tell you, since you are a witch. And a real one too, not like those wannabes in group. Plus you did save my life, which definitely adds a plus to the 'let her in on it' column. But this whole thing is kind of a secret though, so you have to promise not to tell anyone."

"I won't," Tara replied. "I-I mean, I don't really know anyone."

Willow lowered her voice. "My friends and I we have this thing...we sort of like demon hunters." She continued on without noticing the way Tara blanched. "First we do the research thing, which in truth is usually me and Giles and sometimes Anya, then we find the bad guys and Buffy slays them."

"Buffy?"

"My best friend," said Willow. "She's the number one demon fighter in the world. Three years running."

Tara licked her lips. "You hunt d-demons, and k-kill them?" Willow nodded. Tara remembered a word from one of her books. "Oh. So that's what a Slayer is."

"You know about the Slayer?" Tara couldn't tell if the expression on Willow's face was shock or relief.

"Not really. I know of the w-word. I just never put it together until now." Tara stood up. She felt the sudden urge to run as far away as she could. "I-I have to go."

"Already?" Willow stood with her. "What's your hurry?"

"I just remembered. I have class." Tara hated lying, especially to Willow, but she couldn't think of anything else to say as she ran off, with hot tears in her eyes.



**



Tara made herself scarce for the next few days. Other than going to classes she barely ever left her room. Each morning she would rush in and out of the shower, and stock up on food in the cafeteria, just to prevent accidentally running into Willow.

Not that she actually believed the redhead would do anything to hurt her. She wasn't as worried about Willow as she was her friend Buffy. She had studied up on Slayers and discovered they had a long and bloody history. As a whole they made careers--usually, awfully short ones--of killing vampires and other demons, and Tara assumed that meant her kind too.

But Willow. Tara was despondent she had not been able to see the redhead for days. They had known each other only a short time, yet she already felt as if a piece of herself was lost without Willow in her life. She didn't know if love was even possible between them or not, but thinking about Willow made her wonder if the possibility was not worth the risk of running into the Slayer.

Then, one afternoon, her phone rang. Come to think of it it was the first time since she moved in the room, and the sound startled her. "H-Hello?"

"Is this Tara?"

"Y-Yes."

"Hi. It's Willow."

Tara's heart started beating faster, and her throat went dry. She couldn't respond, and there were a few moments of uncomfortable silence between them.

"Umm, hello?"

Tara blinked as she found her voice again. "Oh. S-Sorry."

"Is everything okay? I'm not, uhh, calling at a bad time or anything, am I?"

She sounded like she was on the verge of hanging up, depending on the answer. Tara shook her head. "N-No. It's just...I wasn't expecting....how, umm, did you find my number?"

"I checked the student registry. You're the only Tara going to UC Sunnydale."

"Oh."

"I was just wondering, did I do something wrong?"

Tara clenched the phone tighter. "What?"

"You've been avoiding me. Or at least it seems that way. You don't even come to the Wicca group anymore. Was it the thing with the Gentlemen? Did that freak you out?"

"No." Tara made a face, though she knew Willow couldn't see it. "Well, yes, it did. But that's not why."

"Then, it's me, isn't it?"

"Goddess, no. It's not you Willow. It's m-me. There w-was stuff going on and I...I just needed a little space, you know? I'm s-sorry if I made you feel bad."

She heard Willow sigh. "Good. So, umm, do you maybe want to get together? I have this great idea for a spell. I just can't cast it all by myself. I thought, if you were interested..."

Tara's heart soared. "Yes. I'd l-love to learn a new spell. How about tonight? I'll give you my room number." She couldn't believe it when the redhead said yes.



**

Here's some more.



I hope you guys are liking this so far.





TITLE: Outside and In

AUTHOR: Kirk Baldridge

E-MAIL: KirkBwriter@juno.com

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. The more the better.

DISTRIBUTION: You want it? Take it. Just let me know where it is.

SPOILERS: Nothing, really. I mean come on. The show is over. What's left to spoil?

CONTENT: W/T B/R X/A

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. If I did, I'd treat them better than...some people.

SUMMARY: A look at some of the college years, through the eyes of an outsider who ended up being the heart and soul of the Scooby gang.

NOTE: This story is told, obviously, from Tara's point of view. Hopefully I will be able to describe the events of season four in a way that you will be able to recognize individual episodes.



**



Later than evening, after Willow left, Tara sat on the corner of her bed and looked around at the rose petals that had been scattered around the room. It was an exhilarating experience, and she was still tingling all over from the spell they had done.

Willow called it a test of synchroniscity. They were just supposed to float the rose and pluck the petals off one by one. Instead, some outside magick interfered and the rose basically self-destructed. Even so, while the two of them were holding hands Tara felt a connection to the other witch that was hard to describe, and even tougher for her to really understand. It was something she would never forget.

While their essences were connected, though it was for only a brief moment, Tara had glimpsed the true extent of Willow's power. She was even stronger than she realized, and she had a greater capacity for channeling energy than anyone else Tara had ever met. But she also had a good, pure heart. One she hoped had room enough in it for her, assuming she could ever find the courage to tell Willow how she felt.

Tara didn't bother to clean up. She found she actually liked the scent of the rose petals. She lay back and closed her eyes, her thoughts turning once again to Willow as she drifted off.

The alarm clock work her early the next morning, and reminded her she had a project to finish. She dug through some of the boxes in her closet to find a book, and while she was on her knees a glint caught her eye. It was a big crystal, about the size of her fist. She beamed. "The Dolls-Eye." It had belonged to her grandmother. She found it in the attic shortly after her mom died. Of course she had to hid it from her father, who hated magic and anything connected to it. "Hey. I could give this to Willow."

She offered it to the redhead that same afternoon when they met in the commons. But Willow refused it, albeit very politely, and Tara tried to hide her disappointment as she left. Not only had Willow turned down the gift, but an offer to meet than evening to do some more spells as well.

Tara wondered if she'd misinterpreted what she thought she saw in Willow's heart. She knew the redhead had an almost limitless capacity for magic, and for love as well. But it was possible that Willow could not allow herself to feel that way about another woman, or just did not see her that way. They had only known each other for a short time, after all. Perhaps if she was patient, things would change.

The blonde went about her normal daily routine. Classes, lunch and then the library. After dinner she went back to her room to study. She was just finishing a report when she heard a knock on the door. She got up to answer it, and was surprised to see Willow sheepishly smiling at her.

"Willow."

"Funny thing happened with my prior social engagement. Pretty much ended when a friend of mine went off to do something with...another crowd she hangs out with. Irony's kind of ironic that way." Willow smiled at that, and Tara did too. "Anyway, I know it's late, but I thought maybe...if you still wanted to do something?"

Willow gave a toothy, nervous smile, and Tara beamed back at her. She stepped aside and opened the door. The two of them continued to smile at one another as Willow stepped inside and Tara closed the door behind her, but soon the silence threatened to become awkward so Tara cleared her throat.

"What did you, umm, have in m-mind?"

"I thought I'd leave that up to you," Willow replied. "I was rude to you this afternoon. Refusing your gift, which was so sweet. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

Tara shook her head. "You didn't do anything wrong. It was too soon. I get that."

"Too soon?" Willow asked.

Now the blonde felt embarrassed, and turned away so Willow wouldn't see her cheeks reddening. "I-I..."

"Tara? Are you all right?"

"I'm f-fine." Tara turned back. "D-Did you want to do a spell?"

Willow shrugged her shoulders. "Sure."

"I think I k-know just the one." Tara grabbed a book from her desk and thumbed through it. "It's kind of like what we did the other night. With that rose? It involves synchronicity." She found the spell she was looking for. "Only instead of floating a rose, we can actually float ourselves."

Willow's eyes widened. "Cool."

Tara lit a few candles and burned some incense, then motioned for the two of them to sit down cross-legged on the floor, facing one another. They held hands and closed their eyes.

After a few minutes of silent concentration they both began to feel a strange tingling in the air. It was like little white-hot needles poking every inch of their exposed skin, yet wasn't actually painful. Their breathing quickened, beads of perspiration formed on their brows, and their hands gripped each other so tightly their knuckles actually turned white. Then pinpoints of white light appeared and began swirling around them, causing the witches to start floating--just an inch or so at first, but soon up to two feet above the floor.

Willow opened one eye. She saw the floor so far below them and laughed. "We did it!"

Tara gasped. "No!" She opened her eyes. "Don't..."

But her warning came just a second too late. With their concentration broken the spell dissolved, the fairy-like lights winked out of existence, and the two of them fell. Still holding hands they managed to pool their powers in the instant before they would have hit the ground and caught themselves.

Unfolding their legs they stood up and released both the spell and each other.

"Sorry," said Willow.

Tara shook her head. "Don't be. It w-worked. Easier than I expected."

"Really?"

"I was right," said Tara. "You do have a lot of power."

Willow smiled. "So do you. I could feel it. Only..."

"What?"

"It seemed like you were holding back. Is everything okay?"

Tara nodded. "Fine." She didn't want to tell Willow that the reason she had been holding back, had to do with the demon inside her. It thrived on magic, and she was afraid that if she did too much at one time she might give it an impetus to wake up earlier than it would otherwise. "Do you want to do another spell?"

"Okay."



**



Tara jerked awake, gasping. She was confused because she didn't remember falling asleep in the first place. The blonde tried to sit up, only to discover she could not move the left side of her body. She finally opened her eyes, and learned why.

Willow was curled up right next to her in bed, asleep, and she happened to be lying on Tara's arm. The blonde's face turned beet-red as she realized that because of their relative positions, Willow's right breast was held firmly in her outstretched left hand, and it felt very good there.

Tara's breath caught in her throat. To her Willow was even more beautiful now than before, if that was possible, because sleep made her body and face so relaxed. At peace. Their faces were so close that she could feel each of the redhead's slow, steady breaths on her skin. It would have been so easy for her to lean forward just a little, and kissed the object of her desire. Willow would never have to know. But she couldn't bring herself to do it because she wanted their first kiss...no, she corrected herself, their first real kiss, to be special.

Technically, they had already had their first kiss.

It came near the end of an evening of spell casting. They decided not to try the levitation ritual again, and instead chose to make a flower bloom bigger and brighter than normal. Then they practiced more minute uses of the one power they had both mastered first--telekinesis, by manipulating keys in a lock, and flying pencils around in very strict, organized flight patterns. They ended the night with a little mind reading.

Not each other's. They agreed at the outset not to invade one another's privacy. But they extended a similar sort of courtesy to the people in the rooms around them and those passing by in the corridor outside, by only peeking at their surface thoughts. Some of them were quite...explicit, to say the least, and both witches were left blushing more than once. They finally ended the exercise when the couple next door started to make love and they got the most graphic mental images imaginable pumped directly into their brains.

At one point, before they severed contact, Tara thought she was actually going to pass out from the stimulation being projected outward. When she looked over she noticed that Willow was breathing more heavily than before, and she seemed to be sweating a bit more than normal. With hooded eyes and her lips parted slightly the redhead seemed ripe for a kiss, but Tara hesitated. She was too nervous to make the first move.

Then Willow took the decision out of her hands by leaning forward and kissing her. Full on the lips. It appeared to shock her almost as much as it did Tara, and she was wide-eyed by the time she pulled her lips away. "I'm...um, I don't know why I did that, exactly." She slid off the bed. "I'm sorry."

Tara joined her. "Don't be. I l-liked it." She lowered her head. "You're a...really great kisser."

"You think so?" Now it was Willow's turn to blush. "Thanks. I haven't had a whole lot of practice."

They sat down to talk. That was the last thing Tara remembered before waking up in bed with Willow. A thought that she had to admit gave her a wealth of happy, fuzzy thoughts. Waking up with Willow. That was something she wanted to happen again and again. In spite of all that she did start to wonder how they wound up in bed together. It soon became clear to her that they were both fully clothed, so it wasn't likely that they had 'done' anything. A fact she was glad about, since she would have hated her first time to be forgotten.

"Willow?" Tara gently touched the redhead's cheek, and was rewarded with a flash of green eyes. "Hi. Welcome to a brand new day, beautiful."

Willow sat up, stretched, and yawned. "Morning." She paused. "Did you just call me...beautiful?"

Tara nodded. "I didn't lie." She saw Willow's face fall. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. It's just been so long since anybody said something like that to me." Willow sighed. "Since Oz left I'd just about come to accept no one ever would again."

"Oz?"

"My boyfriend," Willow replied. "Well, ex, I guess. He's been gone for a while now."

Tara felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. "B-Boyfriend?" The two of them had not mentioned too much about their pasts but it never occurred to her that Willow might not be...she shook her head. Was it possible that she had completely misread the signs? Was the kiss just a fluke? A side effect of the spell? She had felt sort of light-headed afterward. Maybe it had affected Willow the same way?

"Hey." Willow touched the blonde's shoulder. "Tara? Are you all right?"

"I'm f-fine." Tara sniffled and cleared her throat. "You know, it's getting kind of l-late. We should probably g-go get ready for class."

Willow blinked. "Oh. Okay."

Tara saw something glinting at her feet. The Dolls-Eye. She bent down and picked it up. Even if she and Willow were not meant to be together, she wanted the redhead to have something to remember her by. So she turned, and held the crystal up. "Willow?"

"Hmm?"

Tara showed her the Dolls-Eye, but said nothing.

"You still want me to have it?" Tara nodded, and Willow reluctantly took it. "Okay. I guess." She smiled. "This is so sweet. Thank you. I'll take good care of it I promise."

Tara nodded. "I know."

"Okay." Willow opened the door. "Well, umm, I guess I'll see you later. I'll call you?"

Tara nodded. Once the redhead was gone she collapsed on the bed, her head in her hands.



**

Kirk B



Life is much too serious to be taken seriously.



Willow is a tree that weeps, but Tara is firmer and will hold.

Well that was not at all what i expected... Willow being all initiative-girl. What was your motivation for that, I wonder? Do you feel that if it had been left up to Tara it wouldnt have happened at all? Curiouser and Curiouser.



a.s.h.

Oh, if it had been left up to Tara I think it would still have happened, just probably not right then and there. After all, this Tara still has (or thinks she has) a reason to not get too close to Willow...she believes her demon side might be dangerous.



More to come later.

Hey kirk, I love looks at season 4 and I really like the Tara perspective on this. I've enjoyed it very much so far. I like it that Willow made that move and I agree Tara may not have otherwise. I am really curious if Willow will pick up on Tara's distress.

- - - - - - - - - - -
"Hard work often pays off after time but laziness always pays off now!"

Thank you to everyone who has replied to what I've written so far. I'm glad you've enjoyed it.



Here's an update for you. By the way, I really love this little guy, so...





TITLE: Outside and In

AUTHOR: Kirk Baldridge

E-MAIL: KirkBwriter@juno.com

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. The more the better.

DISTRIBUTION: You want it? Take it. Just let me know where it is.

SPOILERS: Nothing, really. I mean come on. The show is over. What's left to spoil?

CONTENT: W/T B/R X/A

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. If I did, I'd treat them better than...some people.

SUMMARY: A look at some of the college years, through the eyes of an outsider who ended up being the heart and soul of the Scooby gang.

NOTE: This story is told, obviously, from Tara's point of view. Hopefully I will be able to describe the events of season four in a way that you will be able to recognize individual episodes.



**



A couple of afternoons later Tara returned to her room after a class, to find the light on her answering machine blinking. It was a message from Willow.

"Hi. Sorry I missed you. I was wondering if you wanted to get together later? There's something I wanted to talk to you about. Okay, well, maybe I'll catch you around. Bye."

The blonde smiled. "She wants to see me again." She went into the closet to change clothes, then started toward the phone. As she was picking up the receiver she heard someone knocking on the door. To her surprise, Willow was standing on the other side.

"Howdy."

Tara grinned. "I just got your message a minute ago. I was in class. But I was just about to call you." Willow slid inside and she closed the door.

"I had so much fun the other night," said the redhead. "Those spells."

"Yeah, that was nice," said Tara.

Willow turned. She looked worried. "I hope you don't think that I just come over for the spells and everything. I mean, I really like just talking and...and hanging out with you and stuff."

"I know that." Tara looked knowingly into Willow's eyes. "But you wanna do a spell."

"Yeah," Willow replied. "But only because it's really important. There's this..."

"No, you don't have to explain. I don't mind, really." Tara's cheeks flushed slightly. "I've been, uh, thinking about that last spell we did...all day."

"You have?" Tara nodded and Willow smiled. "Well, this one should be really fun too. We conjure the goddess Thespia to help us locate demonic energy in the area. Shouldn't be too tricky."

Tara felt a stab of fear go right to her heart. Thespia? If they called on the goddess and she responded she might reveal Tara's own demonhood to Willow. She decided to try and talk the redhead out of it. "The goddess Thespia? Are you sure we're ready for that?"

Willow seemed surprised by the question. "You and me? This is beneath us."

Tara could feel the redhead's confidence, and she could see it in her aura. She was obviously determined. But if she tried to argue too much, Willow might become suspicious. "Okay...if you say so." She would just have to find some other way to avoid the goddess's attention.

The duo gathered the components and Willow explained the details of the ritual. Tara waited for an opportunity to present itself. It finally did, at the moment when they were both supposed to close their eyes and blow powder into the representation of Sunnydale on the floor. Instead she slid it under the bed, and then held her hand up as if she had, in fact, performed her part in the ritual. She felt horrible about it at the time and worse when she saw the look of despondency on Willow's face. Because of what she was.

"Huh." Willow's brow furrowed. "That, uh...I don't understand. The spell was so simple. It should have worked. It should have...are the crystals out of line?" She checked. "No. The powder?" She checked again. "Damn it, this just doesn't make any sense!" She sighed. "Maybe I screwed something up somewhere along the line. Or maybe, I was not concentrating as hard as I should have been. I bubble-brained it."

"M-Maybe it...wasn't you."

Willow raised her head. "What?"

"M-Maybe it was Thespia," said Tara. "She might not have been listening. Or m-maybe...she decided not to grant our request for s-some reason."

The redhead shrugged her shoulders. "I guess. Yeah. And I was so sure it would work."

Tara couldn't believe what she heard herself saying next. "Did you, uhm, want to try it again?"

"No. Thespia's not someone you want to mess with. If she's decided not to help us already, another try will only make her that much angrier. There's no telling what she'd do."

'Like strike me down,' Tara said to herself. 'For lying to the woman I love.' She looked around. "So what did you want to do now?"

Willow stood up and stretched her legs. "I should probably get back to my friends. I think they're waiting to see how I did with the spell."

"Are you s-sure?"

"I'm sorry." Willow squeezed her shoulder. "I promise we'll get together again soon, and do something...besides magic. All right?" Tara nodded. "Anyway, I gotta go. I'll call you."

Once she was gone, Tara started to cry.



**



Tara didn't see much of Willow over the next couple of days.

It wasn't as if she was avoiding her, even though she did feel really horrible about sabotaging the spell the other night, they were both just too busy. She had two tests to study for, and after staying up all night for one she found out the next morning that it had been canceled. She passed the second one easily enough and decided to go see a movie to celebrate. She called Willow to invite her but she didn't answer.

Later on, as she was leaving the theater Tara heard a scream. That might not have been an unusual occurrence in Sunnydale but it still drew her attention. She went to investigate, even though she knew from study and first-hand experience that whatever it was might end up being more than she could handle.

Around the corner Tara saw a young woman in the mouth of an alley, being attacked by a darkly-clad man. Right away she knew something was off. The man had no aura that she could detect, but every living thing was supposed to have one. "Hey!" She held up her hand and chanted a brief spell. A tiny ball of light formed, shot toward the big man's head and then exploded in his face, momentarily blinding and disorienting him. Snarling, he shoved the girl and jerked toward her. That was when she realized he was a vampire. "Uh oh."

He sneered. "Witch! You wanna be first? Fine by me."

Tara knew she only had seconds before he attacked. She quickly went over in her mind what she knew about the undead. They were scared off by crosses and holy water, neither of which she had. They could be killed with stakes through the heart, sunlight, and fire. But she didn't have stakes and it was nighttime, so that only left fire. She was not sure how much longer she had though, and the spell to create fire wasn't one she knew how to do right off the top of her head. "Umm..."

The vampire snorted. "Time's up!" He charged her.

"Oh no!" Tara didn't have a chance to cast anything complicated. She knew she needed to do something to either distract the vampire or drive him off, and now. "Obscure!" Tendrils of thick gray smoke flowed out of her fingers and enveloped the vampire, stopping him in his tracks. "It worked!"

"Stupid move witch! I don't have to breath you know, and my eyes work in the dark!" The vampire stepped out of the smoke, right in front of her, and smirked.

"Mine too you bloody poof!" A pale, dark-nailed hand reached out of the smoke and grabbed the vampire by the back of the neck. A platinum blonde-haired man in a long black coat appeared. "I don't think the witch appreciates your ugly mug. Now, you got two choices. Apologize and sod off, or..."

The vampire twirled around and attacked the other man, snarling. Then his eyes went wide and he grunted as the blonde-haired man drove a sharp piece of wood into his chest.

Tara watched him turn to dust right before her eyes. It was the first time she had ever seen that happen up close and it was not something she was anxious to see again any time soon.

"Hey bird." The Englishman's eyes narrowed. "You all right?"

"F-Fine, I think." Tara looked up at him. "Thank you."

He took a cigarette out of his pocket and slid it in his mouth. "Don't mention it." He lit it. "Ever." He turned and stalked away. "To anyone."

Tara shook her head, then went to check on the girl the vampire had been attacking. "Hey, are...you?"

Amanda was sobbing. "Oh God, Tara!" She threw her arms around Tara's neck. "I was so scared! I thought he was going to kill me!"

"He was," said Tara. "But you're okay now." She paused. "Did he...bite you?"

Amanda wiped her eyes. "Bite me? No, I don't think so. Why?"

"Um, no reason." Tara decided not to try and explain vampires right now. "Forget I asked." She held out her hand and helped Amanda up. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. I'm so glad you were here. But how'd you do that thing with the light? That was amazing."

"Magic."

"Whoa. You can do that? Like, real magic? That's so cool. Hey, is that why you left the Wicca group? 'cause we aren't real witches?"

Tara nodded. "That's part of it."

"Is Willow?"

"What?"

"Willow. The new girl. She quit not long after you did. Is she a real witch too?"

Tara paused. No. It wouldn't be right. "You'd have to ask her."

"Oh. Still, that was cool. But what happened to that guy? Where did he go?"

'Is she talking about the vampire?' Tara asked herself. 'Or the blonde guy?' "I-I guess he took off." She wondered who the blonde guy was who helped them.

Amanda sighed. "Man. And here I just wanted to go to a movie. I never thought I'd get attacked by some creep in a Halloween mask."

"I'm just glad you're all right," said Tara. "Do you want me to walk you home or anything?"

Amanda shook her head. "I'm not really tired. Actually, I feel kind of wired now. And hungry. Hey, why don't we go get something to eat? I'll even buy, 'cause you saved me and all."

Tara could tell that Amanda was still all shaken up after her attack, just as she had been after her first encounter with a vampire. She didn't need to be alone right now. "Okay."



**

More updates.



But first, a dance recital...







TITLE: Outside and In

AUTHOR: Kirk Baldridge

E-MAIL: KirkBwriter@juno.com

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. The more the better.

DISTRIBUTION: You want it? Take it. Just let me know where it is.

SPOILERS: Nothing, really. I mean come on. The show is over. What's left to spoil?

CONTENT: W/T B/R X/A

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. If I did, I'd treat them better than...some people.

SUMMARY: A look at some of the college years, through the eyes of an outsider who ended up being the heart and soul of the Scooby gang.

NOTE: This story is told, obviously, from Tara's point of view. Hopefully I will be able to describe the events of season four in a way that you will be able to recognize individual episodes.



**



Tara and Amanda went to get some ice cream then sat down to talk. Only as soon they relaxed Amanda began to cry again, so Tara put an arm around her shoulders and held her until she stopped.

"God. I must like look an idiot." Amanda wiped her face. "I don't know what just came over me."

The girl's aura was in chaos. She was still terrified; she was just trying to hide it. "It's okay."

"But I shouldn't be crying anymore. I'm okay now. Thanks to you." Amanda reached out and gently cupped Tara's cheek, frowning when the blonde pulled away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

Tara stood up and cleared her throat. "It's, uh, it's okay. Y-You just..."

"I'm gay too." Amanda blinked. "Whoa. Man. I've never actually said that out loud before. I'm gay." She shook her head. "You remember the other day, in the cafeteria, when I asked you if you had a crush on the new girl? I wasn't asking to make fun of you or anything. I honestly wanted to know because, well because...I'm sort of dealing with the same problem."

Tara sat back down. "You have a crush Willow too?"

"No. Not Willow." Amanda stared right at Tara, whose cheeks flushed.

"Oh."

Amanda nodded. "So anyway, I've never told anyone. My parents, my friends, not even myself. I've been fighting this thing for so long. I just needed to unload on somebody."

"I'm glad you told me," said Tara. "Really. I'm just sorry I can't return the..."

"It's okay. I didn't expect you to fall into my arms or anything. I just wanted you to know. I figured I was wasting my time anyway. You're already in love with somebody, aren't you?"

Tara nodded. "Yes."

"It's that Willow girl, isn't it?"

Tara started to lower her eyes, but Amanda tucked a finger under her chin and lifted her face. "Yes."

"I thought so. It's all over your face. That's why you wear your hair like this, isn't it? To hide what you're feeling from the people around you." Amanda smiled. "I can see you're happy. That's cool. I've been, uh, watching you for a while as you may have guessed, and I've never seen you as happy as you have been the last couple of weeks. The girl really makes you happy, doesn't she?"

Tara nodded. "More than I ever thought possible."

"Then you're lucky. And so is Willow. She has great taste in women."

Tara's cheeks burned red again. "I-I don't know about that. Either w-way."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm n-not sure Willow feels the same w-way."

"How can you say that? A girl would have to be completely mental not to fall for you."

Tara shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe. That's not all. The other day...I did something bad. Something I knew even at the time I shouldn't be doing, and I've regretted it ever since."

"Something against Willow? What, did you sleep with someone else?"

"No." Tara playfully slapped Amanda's arm. "It's nothing like that. I did a spell, see? I spell that...well, if she ever found out about it, Willow would hate me forever."

"Magic, huh. What a bitch. Look, can I give you some friendly advice?"

"Sure."

"If you love her...I mean, if you really, truly love Willow with all your heart and soul? Fight for her. Whatever it takes. Mistakes may happen. Compromises will probably have to be reached. But the single most important thing is that you're always there for each other. Love her. Let her love you. Don't let much time pass without telling her how you feel, Tara. I know from firsthand experience the pain of unrequited love."

Tara blushed again, but this time a smile went along with it.



**



The next day Tara got a call from Willow, asking if she could come over. So Tara straightened her room up and waited for the redhead to arrive.

When she arrived Willow had a worried look on her face. "I need your help."

A few minutes later the two of them were walking and Tara listened as Willow told her about the woman named Faith. It was obvious the redhead hated the other Slayer--whose existence Tara found confusing, but she filed the question away for another time--and Tara didn't exactly understand why but her "cleavagey slut bomb" description of Faith told Tara that the reasons were somewhat personal.

Tara was curious but she didn't pry. It was none of her business after all. She did wonder if perhaps Faith was an ex of Willow's. Then she remembered that, until recently, the redhead had a boyfriend. So what was it about Faith that Willow hated so much? She decided to ask at a more opportune moment. Because at the moment there was a more pressing question on her mind.

"So, we...recon until nightfall?"

Willow nodded. "Then the ritual hiding begins."

Tara knew from the look on the redhead's face that she wasn't really kidding. She was more scared of Faith than she let on, and tried to hide it with declarations of hatred. Willow had told her about Buffy and Xander and Giles, and that she was worried about them. Tara wondered if Willow regretted choosing to look for the Slayer with her instead of with her friends. How could she ask such a question?

"W-Willow?"

"Hmm?"

"Where are you...g-going...when you hide?"

Willow stopped and turned, her eyes growing wide. "I, umm...good question. Faith may know about the dorm by now. Giles' place is out of the question. And Xander's isn't really secure. I can't go to Buffy's mom's place. That's where Faith will probably look first." She stopped rambling.

"D-Do you, maybe..." Tara took a deep breath. "You can...stay with me. If you w-want."

"Hey, yeah. That's a great idea. Faith doesn't know about you. Thanks Tara. I appreciate it." This decided, Willow started walking again.

Tara followed, mumbling; "She's not the only one." From what Willow had told her, the important people in her life--Buffy, Xander, Giles, and someone named Anya--did not know about her. The two of them had been friends now for a while, and she had never so much as been introduced to the others. At first that was okay, since she did not like interacting with strangers. But every time Willow told her about Slayer this or Xander that it made Tara's curiosity peak even further, and pretty soon she had started to want to know more about the people who meant so much to the woman who meant so much to her.

They never did find Faith, though Tara wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. As night fell Willow said they should stop wasting their time. They got some food from the cafeteria and went to Tara's room, locking the door both physically and mystically behind them. After they ate they studied, watched some TV, then Willow sprawled out on the bed. Tara laid out her tarot cards as Willow talked about the trouble Faith had caused. Soon their topic of conversation began to weigh heavily on the redhead.

"I wonder where she is."

"Who?" Tara asked, though she was pretty sure she knew the answer. "Faith?"

"Yeah. I wish she'd make a move. She's making my stomach all acidy."

Acidy. Willow used the funniest words. "But you think Buffy can handle her?"

"I think so." The redhead sat up. "But that doesn't mean Faith won't hurt someone else."

"Well...you should be safe." Tara considered stopping there, but her subconscious decided otherwise. "Nobody knows you're here. I mean, they don't even know I exist, right? I know all about them, but..."

"Hey." Willow touched Tara's knee, which ordinarily would have made the blond jump with joy.

Only Tara did not feel particularly happy right now. But she also didn't want Willow to feel any worse about the situation than she already did. "I-I mean, it's t-that's totally cool. I mean, it's good. It's better."

"Tara, it's not like I don't want my friends to know you. It's just well Buffy's like my best friend, and she's really special. And, there's this whole bunch of us, and we sort of have this group thing that revolves around slaying, and I really want you to meet them. But I just kinda like having something that's just, you know, mine? And I-I usually don't use so many words to say stuff that little, but...do you get it at all?"

Tara wasn't sure if her heart was going to swell or sink. She nodded though. "I do."

"I should check in with Giles. Get a situation update." Willow slid off the bed and headed for the phone.

Tara still didn't know how Willow felt about her. The privacy and tension of the current situation made her a bit braver than usual, so she decided to take a chance. "I am you know."

Willow stopped and turned. "What?"

Tara took a deep breath and gazed longingly over her shoulder. "Yours." There was no going back now. That was as close as she'd ever come to saying "I love you" to anyone.

Willow smiled. In a way Tara had never seen before. She thought perhaps she had been wrong about the redhead all along. Maybe Willow really was--or at least could be--interested in her.

"I...uhhm, still have to check in with Giles." Willow grabbed for the phone but her hand slipped and the receiver clattered to the floor. "Oops." Her cheeks reddened as she bent down to pick it up.

Tara stared at the redhead's behind, and for the first time did not blush or look away when Willow caught her. In fact, she once again felt the urge to get up and kiss Willow, for real. But she knew that might be a little too much right now, especially if Willow was really trying to 'make up her mind'. So she settled for just resting her chin on her hands and watching as the redhead dialed the phone.



**

Awww. That was sweet!



On another note: I just KNEW Amanda was interested in Tara.. Go me!!



Good stuff!

Hey Kirk..I love this fic..i've just read it all so far, it really captures the emotions..I love it. Love sammi xx

And the saga continues.



But first....





TITLE: Outside and In

AUTHOR: Kirk Baldridge

E-MAIL: KirkBwriter@juno.com

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. The more the better.

DISTRIBUTION: You want it? Take it. Just let me know where it is.

SPOILERS: Nothing, really. I mean come on. The show is over. What's left to spoil?

CONTENT: W/T B/R X/A

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. If I did, I'd treat them better than...some people.

SUMMARY: A look at some of the college years, through the eyes of an outsider who ended up being the heart and soul of the Scooby gang.

NOTE: This story is told, obviously, from Tara's point of view. Hopefully I will be able to describe the events of season four in a way that you will be able to recognize individual episodes.



**



Willow left shortly thereafter to go check in with her friends, so Tara decided to visit one of her own. Only her knock on the door room door got no response.

"She's not home." An olive-skinned, dark-haired girl with thick glasses approached Tara. "You were looking for Amanda, right?" Tara nodded. "I heard her say she was going to a meeting."

"Okay. Thank you." Tara went to the commons and found the Wicca group, but Amanda was not with them. They didn't pay her any attention at all as she turned and walked away. "Hunh. I thought for sure...so what other meeting would she be going to?" She checked a student calendar on the bulletin board, and found there was only one other official meeting scheduled. "I wonder?"

Tara went to one of the conference rooms, rented for the whole day by the Lesbian Alliance. She peeked inside and saw a number of familiar faces, but none of them were Amanda's. Then she noticed a handful of people at the back of the room, and Amanda was among them. She waved her over.

"Tara, hey!"

"Hi. I didn't know you came to these meetings."

Amanda shook her head. "I never have before. I always wanted to but I was too scared. After that talk we had the other night though..." She smiled. "Do you come here a lot?"

"Not really. They do this every week, but I only manage to make it once or twice a month." Tara stuck her hands in her pockets. "How do you like it so far?"

"They're a lot more...formal, than I was expecting. But it's cool." Amanda smirked. "And there are a lot of really cute girls here."

Tara sighed. "This isn't a dating service, Amanda."

"I know. I'm just kidding."

"No you're not."

Amanda shrugged her shoulders. "I am...sort of. I'm learning, Tara."

Someone shushed them. They were apparently disturbing some of the people around them.

Tara led her friend outside, and away from prying ears. "Are you s-sure this is for you? There are a lot of things in life that are easier than the whole..."

"...gay thing?" Amanda asked. "I realize that. I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable, Tara. But I know this is hard, and it's only going to get harder when I come out to my parents. How was it for you?"

Tara's face fell. "Umm..."

"Sorry." Amanda touched the blonde's arm. "Forget I said anything."

"N-No, it's just...my mother's g-gone. I never got a c-chance to tell her I liked girls. And Dad, well...he and I did not really g-get along before. Afterwards, he treated me d-differently."

"I'm sorry if I brought up bad memories."

Tara wiped her eyes. "It's okay. They're not done yet. Do you want to, umm, go back inside?"

Amanda nodded.

During the meeting Tara noticed her friend striking up a conversation with a dark-skinned young woman next to her. When it was over she said good-bye and they left together.

Tara shook her head. "Maybe I was wrong." She returned to her room, to find Willow standing by her door. "Oh, hi." She smiled. "I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon."

"Hi. Hey, are you busy?"

"Not really. Why?"

"Do you, maybe, wanna go somewhere? With me?"

Tara blinked. "Are you asking me out?"

"No!" Willow sighed. "Not really. Well, yeah. Maybe a little. Is that...okay?"

"Of c-course. But where are we g-going?"

The redhead smiled. "You'll see."



**



"The B-Bronze?" Tara had heard about the club, and had passed it more than once, but this was the first time she had ever been inside. It was loud, bright, and crammed full of people.

Willow nodded as she led them inside. "I can't believe you've never been here. The Bronze is the coolest place in Sunnydale. O-Of course, there's not a lot of competition. I think the vending machine at Burgin's came in second."

"You used to come here a lot?" It didn't seem like the kind of place Tara would have thought Willow liked any more than she did. She was so uncomfortable around all the people, and the only thing that kept her from simply running away was the comfort that Willow's presence brought her. She crossed her arms.

"I lived here. Me. Xander." Willow's face changed. "Buffy?"

Tara followed the redhead's stunned gaze. There was a pretty, small blonde woman amongst a bunch of drunken frat boys, and she was encouraging one of them to chug. She was, Tara realized, the same person who she had seen a number of times before. This was Buffy, the vampire slayer.

"Wow. I-I didn't think she'd be here."

Tara was disappointed. She sensed that Willow was thinking about leaving. She wanted to be a part of Willow's life, but it seemed as if the redhead had other ideas.

"Come on." Willow surprised Tara by taking her hand. "I want you to meet her."

Tara's face lit up with a smile. Finally. She really was important to Willow, and she was going to meet one of her friend's. Her best friend in fact. Things didn't go as well as she had hoped, however. Willow introduced them, she and Buffy sat down, then the redhead went to get drinks. Out of her earshot Buffy started making fun of her and that hurt, particularly coming from someone Willow respected so much.

Something else bothered her though. Every time she looked at Buffy, Tara was struck by the incongruities in her aura. The Slayer's energy was...not right some how. It didn't seem to fit her body. It wasn't like anything she had ever seen before, and she had no explanation for it. She was still distracted by this when Willow came back to warn them about a vampire, and Buffy took off to slay it.

"Hey." Willow touched her shoulder, and Tara jumped. "Are you okay?"

"I-I...uhm..." Tara had no idea what to say. "I'm s-sorry. I don't feel too well. Can we g-go?'

The redhead nodded. "Sure." Buffy returned. "Let me just say good-bye."

Tara closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She wanted to get away, from both the Bronze and the Slayer. How was she going to explain it to Willow though? She had no idea.

"Okay." Willow had returned. "Let's go."

Hand in hand, much to Tara's delight, they returned to the dorm. To her room, specifically. The blonde was still concerned about what she had experienced at the Bronze and remained silent. She was debating what, if anything, to say to Willow as the redhead shut the door behind them.

"I'm sorry you're feeling all blechy. But we'll get together with Buffy another time. Sometime soon." Willow smiled. "I think you'll really like her."

Tara turned. "She's not your friend." That had come out more harshly than she intended.

"I may have underestimated the you liking her factor."

"No, no, I don't...I don't think she's...her."

Willow shook her head slightly. "You lost me."

"Well, a person's energy has a flow. A unity? Buffy's was...was fragmented. It grated. Like something forced in where it didn't belong?" Tara looked sheepish. "Plus, she was, um, she was kinda mean."

"So you think Buffy's not herself? Like she's been possessed or something?"

Tara shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure."

"You didn't sense a hyena energy at all did you? Because hyena possession is just...unpleasant."

Tara skipped over the obvious question Willow's statement brought up and went on to another one instead. One with a possible magical solution to their dilemma. "Do you have anything of hers?"

"Of Buffy's? Uh...oh!" Willow showed her hand. "This ring."

Tara nodded and went over to her desk, where there were numerous magical books. She looked for and found a particular one. "I-I think there's a way...hm." It took her just a moment to find it. The Passage to the Netherrealm. T-There's a ritual. If you can find Buffy there, you should be able to see..."

"If it'll help her."

But Tara knew there was a problem, and it showed on her face. Willow saw this.

"What?"

"Well, the Netherrealm exists beyond the physical world. Accessing it is...i-it's kind of like...astral projection? It's very intense." Not that she'd ever actually done it herself, but everything she'd read about the ritual said it was almost erotic to those involved. Which was why she was nervous to mention it. "I'd have to be your anchor. Keep you on this plane?"

Willow nodded. "I trust you."

"I-It's not like anything we've ever..."

Willow touched her arm and smiled warmly. "I trust you."

Tara was good at reading auras and eyes, and she could tell by the look on the redhead's face that she was really serious. She understood that the ritual they were talking about doing was intense, maybe even dangerous, and yet she was willing to entrust herself to Tara's care.

"Okay. Here's w-what we need..."



**

Kirk B



Life is much too serious to be taken seriously.



Willow is a tree that weeps, but Tara is firmer and will hold.

Ooh, yay..and update. and a really lovely one too..Love sammi xx

Ladies and gentlemen...banana-man!



And now, on with the show.





TITLE: Outside and In

AUTHOR: Kirk Baldridge

E-MAIL: KirkBwriter@juno.com

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. The more the better.

DISTRIBUTION: You want it? Take it. Just let me know where it is.

SPOILERS: Nothing, really. I mean come on. The show is over. What's left to spoil?

CONTENT: W/T B/R X/A

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. If I did, I'd treat them better than...some people.

SUMMARY: A look at some of the college years, through the eyes of an outsider who ended up being the heart and soul of the Scooby gang.

NOTE: This story is told, obviously, from Tara's point of view. Hopefully I will be able to describe the events of season four in a way that you will be able to recognize individual episodes.



**



Tara lit some white candles, burned some incense, and then anointed key points on Willow's body with oil. Then they sat down on the floor, facing one another at an angle, and each began to draw a gentle circle with their hands as they chanted.



"The inward eye...

...the sightless sea...

...Ayala flows...

...through the river in me."



They chanted this over and over again until the circle they had been drawing on the floor began to glow. Before long the two of them were breathing heavily and sweating, while a circular ribbon of energy swirled around them. They clasped hands and stared into one another's eyes.

All at once Willow's inner being was struck by what felt like a bolt of lightning. It turned her inside-out and she fell back onto some prearranged pillows, arching her spine and moaning as her body was flooded with sensations unlike anything she had ever experienced in her life.

And because the two of them were connected, on a number of levels, Tara felt it too. "Goddess." She heard, saw and felt everything that Willow was going through. Though neither one of them had a body where they were it did seem like they were moving along a glowing golden path at an incredible speed, in the middle of an endless black void. Every so often they passed a floating ball of light, some of which felt oddly familiar. When they stopped, at last, it was above a swirling vortex, through which they could see into the real world.

They saw Buffy in a bed somewhere, making love to a man Willow recognized as Riley Finn. Her boyfriend. To them Riley's body became invisible though, since they were not there for them. As they got a closer look Buffy's face changed. It was superimposed with the image of another woman, with dark brown hair and cold eyes. Then it was Buffy's face again, twisted in a mask of pleasure. Everything changed. Now they saw that dark-haired woman, who Willow recognized and now Tara knew as Faith, in the back of what appeared to be an armored truck. Only it was Buffy's face they saw superimposed over hers.

"That's it," they 'said' simultaneously.

All of a sudden Tara found herself being jerked backwards, and for one brief, terrifying moment she seemed to floating just above her own body. She saw herself laying there soaked in sweat, deathly still and barely breathing, and then a pulse of light flooded her field of vision. In the next instant she found herself back in her body, sitting up light-headed and exhausted, but otherwise all right.

"I-I think I understand now. Did it make sense to you?" When she got no response Tara turned her head. Willow was laying flat on her back with her head angled away from her, who could still see that her eyes were closed and her mouth was hanging open. "Hey." She crawled toward the redhead. "Are you okay?"

Willow wasn't moving. She was, thankfully, still breathing. "Goddess be praised." Tara now saw that Buffy's ring had rolled out of the redhead's hand at some point and lay on the floor beside her, yet there was something in her palm. A small, glowing green object in the shape of the ring. "What is that?"

Tara briefly considered checking her books for an answer, only she couldn't even summon the strength to stand up at the moment. A glance at a clock on the wall told her it was later than she expected. This investigation could easily wait until morning. She lay down beside Willow and closed her eyes.

When she opened them again she found herself on her side, with a ray of sunshine peeking through the curtains and right onto her face. Tara sighed. A pleasantly familiar, comforting warmth was spooned up behind and against her body. Willow had one arm draped across Tara's chest, nuzzled snugly between her breasts and was breathing a slow, gentle rhythm across the blonde's delicate throat.

Tara moaned. She was so turned on she could barely contain herself. She reluctantly untangled herself from the redhead's arms and stood up, getting away from Willow before she did something they might both regret. Even if Willow did, or least was beginning to, feel the same way about her as she did about Willow, this was not the time or...well, not the time at least, for their first encounter.

Taking deep, calming breaths, Tara sat down at her desk and started thumbing through her books. Soon after the redhead began to stir. "Hey. Good morning."

"Morning?" Willow sat up and yawned. "What time is it?"

"About...eight thirty."

The redhead noticed the glowing green thing in her hand. "What the frilly heck is this?"

"A draconian katra." Tara held up one of her books so Willow could see the sketch of the very thing the redhead held in her hand. "According to this it's used for spiritual transference. My guess is Faith used something like this to switch bodies with Buffy."

"Where did this one come from?"

"I think we conjured it. As part of the ritual."

"How?"

"I guess because we were both so focused on finding a way to help Buffy? If she and Faith really have switched, this thing should help...switch them back."

Willow smiled. "Cool." She stood up. "We should take this to Giles. With luck, we can convince him about this whole Freaky Friday thing in time to find Buffy and Faith."



**



As it turned out, they didn't have to convince Giles of anything at all.

Buffy, in Faith's body, was at Giles' when they arrived. After telling them about the katra they found out a group of vampires had taken hostages in a church. Faith, in Buffy's body, arrived to get involved so Tara helped the gang distract the police while Buffy slipped inside. In the end the vampires had been dusted, the hostages saved, Buffy and Faith were back in the own bodies and the other Slayer had left town.

But as good as all that was, Tara found things even better personally. Willow's friends knew about her now. The redhead no longer had to 'hide' her. They could hang out openly, and Tara was starting to believe she was really an part of Willow's life. She also began to notice subtle change in the way how the redhead acted whenever they two of them were together; like how her breathing quickened any time their hands touched during a spell, or every so often she almost caught the redhead staring at her. Of course, all that occasionally made her feel worse about the spell she had sabotaged, and the creature that was hidden within her.

A few days later things in Sunnydale got really weird, and that was saying something.

Some guy Tara had never heard of, named Jonathon, cast a spell that changed the entire town. Everyone, demon and human alike, knew his name, his reputation, and respected him for it. He was the best there was at everything he did, which was--of course, everything. In the end they found our what he had done and Buffy managed to bring the spell to an end, but not before Tara got a real taste of the Scooby life.

It happened after she left Buffy and, much more reluctantly, Willow, and was returning to her room. She got an uneasy feeling as she entered the dorm building. She thought she heard a noise, kind of like a roar, so she started walking faster. Then a set of double doors burst open in front of her and it appeared. A huge, lumpy creature with shaggy, red-brown fur and long, ape-like arms.

An honest to the Goddess demon. It stunk so badly it made her eyes water. The creature grunted and swung one long arm almost casually, knocking Tara for a loop. She hit the ground and slid, her head exploding in pain. When it came at her she began wildly kicking and slapping to keep it off her. She knew she needed to get away before it wore her out, so she did the only thing she could think of and cast a hasty spell.

Plumes of thick gray smoke gushed out of her sleeves, directed by her will and her outstretched hands. It clung to the demon's face and matted fur, leaving it momentarily blinded. As it thrashed about angrily she scrambled to her feet and stumbled down the hallway. The first door she came to happened to be a janitor's closet, and while it stuck at first she managed to jerk it open before the demon caught up to her. Safely inside she slammed it closed and locked it, then shoved everything she could in front of the door while the creature pounded and roared on the outside. It shuddered but held, and Tara huddled in the corner, trembling.

The blonde was fighting an urge to burst into tears. Her mother had once told her that it was okay to cry, that to shed a tear was not a sign of weakness but a sign of humanity. Her father, however, said just the opposite, and her brother always called her a cry-baby. She was the only one who had cried at her mother's funeral, after which she had to go back home and take care of her father and brother. Not to mention the house. She never really even got to mourn her mother's passing until she left home and moved to Sunnydale.

Tara closed her eyes. "Mother. Willow." The two most important women in her life. "I'm sorry. Willow, forgive me, please." She jumped as the demon, responding to the sound of her voice, began pounding on the door all over again. She closed her eyes and silently prayed to the Goddess.

Something outside must have attracted the creature's attention because Tara eventually heard it grunt and stomp away. She didn't move though. She stayed where she was because she was too scared to open the door in case the demon was still somewhere close by, waiting for her. With the quiet came a vague sense of relief, and past it was a thorough fatigue that would not be denied. Despite a dull aching of her head she closed her eyes, again, and this time managed to fall asleep.

Some time later she was roused by the janitor. "Hey kid." He had apparently pried the door open and was gazing down at her. "You all right?" Tara told him her room number and he got her home. Amanda was at her door, either waiting or looking for her. When she saw the blonde's condition, she freaked.

"Oh my God. Tara! What happened to her?" The janitor shrugged his shoulders and handed Tara over to Amanda, who used Tara's key to unlock the door and got her into bed. Tara mumbled thank you and passed out. Amanda sat down beside the blonde. "I'll take care of you, Tara. Don't worry."

The face Tara woke up to was not the same one she recalled from the night before.

"W-Willow?"

Holding a bowl of water and a damp rag, the redhead sat down beside her. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

"Tired. And my head hurts."

"I would imagine. That's a deep cut, and your face may be sore for a while."

Tara touched the wound on her forehead and winced. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Taking care of me."

Willow shrugged her shoulders. "It's okay. We, uhh, do medical duty in the Scooby Gang."

"Still..."

"You're welcome. I was happy to do it, believe me."

Tara sighed. "How did you know?"

"That you were hurt?" Willow asked. Tara nodded. "Your friend Amanda called me. She told me to get over here right away." She shook her head. "And I'm so glad she did. God Tara, I was so scared when I saw you...the blood. It was like someone hit me in the stomach. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Why?"

"For leaving you. I should have walked you all the way home. I wanted to. Buffy said Jonathon was going to take care of things, but I never imagined you'd get hurt before he could."

"It's not your fault."

"Maybe not. I still blame myself."

"Don't. If you'd been there it might have hurt you too, and I couldn't stand that."

Someone knocked on the door. Tara tensed, but Willow shook her head as she stood up. "It's just Buffy. I asked her to come over so she could tell Jonathon what happened."

Tara closed her eyes and sighed.



**

Kirk B



Life is much too serious to be taken seriously.



Willow is a tree that weeps, but Tara is firmer and will hold.

TITLE: Outside and In

AUTHOR: Kirk Baldridge

E-MAIL: KirkBwriter@juno.com

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. The more the better.

DISTRIBUTION: You want it? Take it. Just let me know where it is.

SPOILERS: Nothing, really. I mean come on. The show is over. What's left to spoil?

CONTENT: W/T B/R X/A

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. If I did, I'd treat them better than...some people.

SUMMARY: A look at some of the college years, through the eyes of an outsider who ended up being the heart and soul of the Scooby gang.

NOTE: This story is told, obviously, from Tara's point of view. Hopefully I will be able to describe the events of season four in a way that you will be able to recognize individual episodes.



**



Once things in Sunnydale returned to what could laughingly be called normal Tara discovered, much to her joy, that things between her and Willow had begun to change, for the better.

The redhead began flirting with her, though Tara was pretty sure she didn't actually realize she was doing it. She never touched her, as much as Tara might have wanted her to, and no one around them seemed to notice anything, but there were definitely times when Willow's tone, not to mention her aura, indicated to the blonde there was an all-together deeper, more suggestive meaning to what she was saying.

They also started spending even more time together than before. Tara was aware much of that was leftover guilt on Willow's part because of what happened with the demon, but she wasn't complaining. Sometimes, of course, a phone call or hasty knock on the door would take Willow away from her so she could help Buffy. And Tara sat in her room alone, waiting and worried until she heard from the redhead again, and she was sure that the woman she loved was all right. Usually it took an in-person visit to convince her.

A week or so later Willow and Tara were having lunch in the cafeteria when Amanda came bounding over to the table with a big smile on her face.

Ahh kirk, poor Willow got all freaked out. Tara says the whole ordeal was just too exhausting but you have to wonder if her feelings for Willow also got in the way here.

- - - - - - - - - - -
"Hard work often pays off after time but laziness always pays off now!"

Very true, Xita.



Ladies and gentlemen, the event you have all (probably) been waiting for...NMR begins.









TITLE: Outside and In

AUTHOR: Kirk Baldridge

E-MAIL: KirkBwriter@juno.com

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. The more the better.

DISTRIBUTION: You want it? Take it. Just let me know where it is.

SPOILERS: Nothing, really. I mean come on. The show is over. What's left to spoil?

CONTENT: W/T B/R X/A

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. If I did, I'd treat them better than...some people.

SUMMARY: A look at some of the college years, through the eyes of an outsider who ended up being the heart and soul of the Scooby gang.

NOTE: This story is told, obviously, from Tara's point of view. Hopefully I will be able to describe the events of season four in a way that you will be able to recognize individual episodes.



**



That evening Tara accompanied Willow and Buffy on patrol for the first time. Luckily, at least as far as she was concerned, nothing actually happened, though Tara decided she didn't like Sunnydale cemeteries after dark. After a while Buffy left to see Riley, so Willow and Tara headed back toward the school.

"Hey, Willow?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Didn't you just?"

Tara chuckled. "Hah hah. Okay. May I ask you one after this one?"

"Sure."

"How come you never invite me to any of your Scooby meetings?"

Willow stopped. "What?"

"I know you guys meet all the time at Buffy's or Mr. Giles. I was just wondering, how come you never ask me if I'd like to go?"

"I, uhh..."

"I m-mean, it's not like it's a big deal. I'm just, you know, curious."

"Honestly? Tara, it isn't some great conspiracy or anything. I-I never invited you, 'cause I didn't think you'd want to go. Most of the time these things are really boring. Buffy and Riley tell us how patrol went, Giles tells us how much luck, or most likely lack thereof, he's had researching Adam, and then we generally go out for mochas. But you're more than welcome to come with. If you want."

Tara nodded. "I do. When's the next one?"

"Unless there's some pressing evil, we usually meet every other day."

"So?"

"What?" Willow started. "Oh! Tomorrow. Today. Whatever."

"And I can come? The others won't mind?"

"Of course not. I-I mean, of course you can come, and no they won't mind. After all, Anya's not officially a part of the gang and she comes with Xander all the time."

"You guys don't sound too worried."

"About what?"

"This whole Adam thing. I think if I had a cyborg-demon after me I'd be, you know, concerned."

Willow shrugged her shoulders. "I guess it comes with the territory. Evil villains are par for the course with the Scoobies. Sooner or later Adam will probably hatch some insane, diabolical plot for world domination, and we'll all be there to back the Slayer up and help her defeat him."

"Then you'll go for mochas?"

Willow nodded. "Or rent some movies. Whatever."

"Sounds like fun."

"I'll tell you one thing. I don't know about Buffy or Xander but I'm perfectly happy that everything's quiet on the home front for a change."

"Why?"

Willow slipped her hand into Tara's. "It means I get to spend more time with you."

"Cool. I like that too." They walked in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying one another's company, then Tara cleared her throat. "Hey, do you, maybe, wanna have breakfast?"

"What, now?"

"No. Tomorrow. Or is that, today?"

Willow shook her head. "Either way. And sure, I'd love to."

They said good night and Tara went back to her room. She grabbed her mail along the way, and thumbed through it as she was changing clothes. Most of it was just junk and she tossed it, but one catalogue caught her eye. It was for pet supplies. She sat down at her desk to read it.

Tara had never actually had a pet. During one of her family's rare trips into the city when she was six she'd been drawn to a pet shop, where she begged her parents for one of the cute kittens in the window. Her father had flatly refused and her mother was in no shape to argue on her behalf. Later, when she was ten, she found an injured bird in the woods and hid it in their barn, but her brother Donnie found it one afternoon and plucked its feathers off in front of her, laughing as she cried and slapping her when she tried to fight him.

"I wonder if pets are allowed in the dorm?" Tara was pretty sure they weren't, but she thought it might be nice to try and get one anyway. The pet shop she frequented was always well stocked with kittens, which seemed to be in high demand in Sunnydale for some reason. Then she found herself wondering how Willow felt about the subject of pets, and made a mental note to ask the redhead when they met the next morning.



**



"Do you like cats?"

Tara and Willow met for breakfast and now were on their way to Giles'. Tara had thought to ask the question on the spur of the moment.

"I'm more of a dog person myself," Willow replied. "But I'm not like, "death to all cats." Why?"

"Cause I was thinking of getting one."

"Can you have one in the dorms?"

Tara shook her head. "No, but this would be a sneaky cat."

"That would be cool. You mean it'd be sort of like a familiar?"

A familiar? That thought gave Tara pause. That hadn't even occurred to her. "Actually I-I was thinking it would be sort of like a pet. You know, we could...we could name her Trixie or Miss Kitty Fantastico or something." There. She had said we. She wondered if Willow would notice her use of the word.

"And we could make kitty go bonkers with string and catnip and stuff?"

Vintage Willow. Tara nodded and smiled. "Absolutely."

"Fun! I'm in."

Tara was relieved, though something else then occurred to her. "So, you're not allergic or anything?" There were still a few things they didn't know about one another.

Willow shook her head. "Nope."

"Good, cause ... I want my room to be Willow-friendly."

"Me too."

Without either of them saying a word they clasped hands, and began gently stroking each other's fingers as they walled. They had gotten into the habit of holding hands in public. Tara noticed the curious stares every once and a while but Willow seemed oblivious, so she never said anything.

"So, I'm excited about the Scooby meeting...I think." She really was. It was the last part of Willow's life she was not directly involved in, and now that was about to change. "What's it about?"

Willow shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure. Probably just your garden-variety disaster."

"Zippo." That was the way Buffy talked Tara had come to realize, concise and to the point. "Patrol's been totally uneventful. My kill count's way down."

Tara was sitting by Willow, just as Buffy stood close to Riley and Anya was sitting in Xander's lap. The Scooby gang. They were so comfortable around one another and it amazed the blonde. She was not used to being part of a group like this, but she found she was enjoying herself.

"She means there's been less bad-guy activity."

Tara nodded. Willow had been doing this since the meeting started. She wondered why.

"Well," said Giles. "We know what that often indicates."

"Buffy doesn't make her quota?" Xander shook his finger at Buffy. "Bad slayer!"

Giles, obviously accustomed to such outbursts, just continued talking. "Well, I wish it were that innocuous, but with Adam around, I feel he's involved somehow."

The redhead leaned close. "When things get slow, it's usually because there's some extra evil brewing."

Tara nodded, again. She understood that.

"Except the weird thing is, we've been busy at the Initiative," Riley added. "Our squads are pulling a lot more captures. We got demons coming out our ears."

Willow leaned in close again. "That's a metaphor."

Tara knew she was just trying to help, but she couldn't take it anymore. "I got it, thanks."

"I'm overhelping, aren't I?"

Tara couldn't help laughing at that. Willow was just so cute.

"So the activity's shifted," Giles continued. "But not stopped?" He offered a bowl of snacks to Willow, who was apparently not hungry and shook her head. "That's fascinating."

Anya spoke up. "To an extremely bored person, maybe."

Shortly after meeting them, Tara quickly came to recognize that Anya always spoke her mind, regardless of the effect it had on those around her. The others, including Xander, did not usually appreciate her 'outbursts' but Tara found them, and her, to be fascinating.

"Well," Anya continued. "That was a thrilling hour."

The group started to rise, though Tara sat where she was and watched them.

"You know, I really don't appreciate your snide remarks, Anya." This came out practically as a snarl from Giles, which seemed to surprise everyone else. Tara could see the deep emotions raging in his aura though. There was a lot of repressed anger within him, and every so often it slipped out.

"Now, I have a great deal of experience in these matters." The Watcher continued. "And if I say there is a matter of some import brewing, I-I..." Giles stopped as he realized no one was listening to him any longer. Everyone but Tara was looking behind him, so he turned.

Tara followed their gaze. A grungy, short young man in a worn leather coat was standing in the doorway. He had his hands stuck in his pockets, and an expressionless face.

"Hey."

The mood of the room had shifted. Everyone looked stunned, especially Willow. Tara noticed a huge dip in the redhead's aura. Whoever this young man was, his arrival shook her to the core.

"Oz."

Tara knew the name, if not the face.

"Oz." There was recognition in her voice, and her eyes. Oz was Willow's boyfriend. Or ex-boyfriend. She wasn't exactly sure which. The problem was, neither was Willow. They hadn't talked about him much and all Willow had said to her was that he was a musician and a werewolf.

"When did you get back?" Willow asked.

"Pretty much now."

Tara suddenly felt cold inside. If Oz had returned, what did that mean for her and Willow?

"Oz, man." Xander looked around then stepped forward and extended his hand. "Hate to sound grandma but...you don't call, you don't write."

"Yeah, sorry."

Tara started to feel like she didn't belong there anymore. Willow, Xander and Buffy were friends with Oz. Anya and Riley didn't know him, but they also didn't seem to have a problem around strangers. She wondered how their confidence would do against their beloved's old flame returning unexpectedly.

"So," said Buffy. "Are you here here, or are you just passing through?"

Tara took some small comfort in that. Buffy didn't sound too happy to see Oz. She almost smiled. Perhaps they had something in common afterall, besides being friends with Willow.

Giles cleared his throat. "Well, um, let's not, uhh, bombard the poor chap with, uh, questions right off. Can I get you something, um, tea?" He picked up some glasses and headed for the kitchen.

"I'll pass, thanks."

Tara lowered her head so no one could see the tears welling in her eyes as Oz approached Willow. "Look...I'm going to Devon's to see if he's got a place I can crash." She hardly looked at him. "But I was hoping that we could talk. Later. Tonight."

"I guess so." The redhead definitely looked uncomfortable. Tara could see it in her aura too.

"I'll come by your place?"

"Okay."

Oz smiled. "It's great to see you guys again. Really."

He left, and Tara was silently glad.

Anya, ever the observant one, spoke up. "Everyone's uncomfortable now."

Tara tried to decide how to get away without making Willow feel any worse than she already did, but she could not come up with anything. She needed to think about things.

Buffy, meanwhile, walked up to Willow and touched her arms. "You okay?"

"I..."

Tara had to leave before she started crying. "I just, um - I realized, um, I'm-I'm late for study group."

"Tara, wait." Willow reached for her.

"No, no, it's okay. You-you should be with your friends, and, and I-I should go."

Willow shook her head and Tara went toward the door. "Wait..."

But it was too late. The blonde was gone.



**

Kirk B



Life is much too serious to be taken seriously.



Willow is a tree that weeps, but Tara is firmer and will hold.

Aww..new moon rising I love this ep. And I loved the way you wrote it, so lovely. Love sammi xx

you know i started reading this fic from the beginning...then for some reason i missed like a ton of your updates, and i just got all caught up again...and i have to say that i am definitely loving this fic...i think you capture tara's emotions perfectly...i can't wait to read more...this is truly and awesome fic



Aine

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read my story and taken the time to write me. Without you guys this whole writing thing would be a lot less fun.









TITLE: Outside and In

AUTHOR: Kirk Baldridge

E-MAIL: KirkBwriter@juno.com

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. The more the better.

DISTRIBUTION: You want it? Take it. Just let me know where it is.

SPOILERS: Nothing, really. I mean come on. The show is over. What's left to spoil?

CONTENT: W/T B/R X/A

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. If I did, I'd treat them better than...some people.

SUMMARY: A look at some of the college years, through the eyes of an outsider who ended up being the heart and soul of the Scooby gang.

NOTE: This story is told, obviously, from Tara's point of view. Hopefully I will be able to describe the events of season four in a way that you will be able to recognize individual episodes.



**



Tara went straight back to her room, only by the time she arrived there she no longer felt like crying. In fact, of the myriad emotions racing through her mind the strongest was anger.

She didn't know Oz, and she didn't particularly want to either. What kind of a fool would run out on a wonderful woman like Willow? And what right did he have to show up out of the blue like this, and try to reinsert himself in Willow's life without so much as an apology? He'd abandoned her.

Tara changed clothes, then sat down on her bed to study. Only she couldn't concentrate. So she tried meditating to clear her mind. But every time she closed her eyes she saw Willow and Oz, and then Willow kissing Oz, in the place of her own fantasies of kissing the redhead. She threw her book across the room.

"This is ridiculous." Obviously she wasn't going to get anything important done like this so she decided to go to a movie. There was that new art picture that had just opened at the theater she'd been wanting to see, although she had intended to ask Willow to go with her. She grabbed a jacket and opened the door, only to find Amanda on the other side, about to knock. "Hey."

"Hi." Amanda noted the jacket in her hands. "Oh. Were you on your way out?"

Tara nodded. "I'm going to the movie." She paused. "Would you like to come with me?"

"You don't mind?"

"Actually, I'd like the company."

Amanda nodded. "Okay. Cool." As they were walking Tara stared at her feet, and it didn't take the other girl long to notice. "Hey. What's the matter?"

"N-Nothing."

"Sure, whatever you say." Amanda shoved her hands in her pockets. "I know you don't know me that well. Which is why I should be the person you talk to."

"Why's that?"

"No expectations. From you or from me. We're friends. That's all."

They did go to the movie but Tara didn't pay much attention to it. Her mind was on Willow, and how she'd come so close to being with her, only to lose her to her greatest love. A guy no less. If it had been another woman, like Buffy for example, it probably wouldn't have bothered her nearly as much. She shook her head as they walked out of the theater. That wasn't true. Losing Willow would hurt, not matter what.

"Amanda?"

"Hmm?"

"H-H...how's it, uh, how's it going with Lisa?"

Amanda chuckled. "Oh. Her. Well, as it turns out she was just interested in me 'cause I was a virgin. Lesbianally speaking. Once we, um, you know, a few times she took off."

"Sorry."

Amanda shrugged her shoulders. "It was just as well. The experience helped me in more ways than one. At least I know I'm in the right place in my life now. Where I always belonged."

"Good for you."

"But not for you, huh?"

Tara lifted her head. "What?"

"Something's obviously bothering you. I'm going out on a limb and guessing it has something to do with Willow. Did you guys have a fight?"

"Not exactly."

"I know I keep sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. It's part of my charm." Amanda smiled. "But, since you haven't told me to butt out yet...what happened? Maybe I can help you."

"You can't."

"Try me."

Tara sighed. "It's Willow's boyfriend. He came back."

"Whoa. She has a boyfriend? That blows. I thought you guys were really working out."

"So did I. But Oz coming back, that changes everything."

"Oz? What kind of a stupid name is that?" Amanda shook her head. "Never mind. So he's back. So what? Are you just going to roll over and let him have her? Fight for your girl."

"It isn't that simple. There are, umm...complications." Tara was pretty sure she couldn't actually fight Oz even if she wanted to. He was a werewolf after all.

"If you say so." Amanda looked up at her. "But I think she's cute, and I'd fight for her if I were you."

Tara blinked. "Hey! You think my girlfriend's cute?"

"Yeah." Amanda smirked. "By the way, do you know you just called her your girlfriend?"

"I..." The Tara's cheeks flushed. "...did. Didn't I?"

"You know what that means, don't you? Now you have to go see her."

"It's too late. I'll go first thing in the morning."



**



Tara didn't get much sleep that night because she spent so much time trying to figure out what she was going to say to Willow. By the next morning, she had made up her mind.

"I'm gonna do it."

Tara changed clothes three times. She was nervous. Finally she made up her mind and headed out the door, only to stop about halfway down the hall then go back to her room and change again. At last she came up with an outfit that satisfied her. "Okay. Now I'm gonna do it."

She almost lost her nerve again as she got to Willow's door. This was a big step for her. "I love you." She'd been practicing that on the way over. "Willow...I love you." She had prepared herself. Even if Willow didn't say it back, and worse yet if she told her she was getting back together with Oz, she wanted the redhead to know how she felt about her. "I love you." She took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Tara prepared herself as she heard someone approaching from the other side. It opened. She started to smile as she looked into the face of...Oz? In Willow's room. She hadn't even considered the possibility of his being there, and seeing him threw her whole sense of preparation and self-confidence sinking. Everything she had planned, to say and to do, was totally forgotten as she tried to find the strength to speak.

"Oh, sorry." Tara wanted to run away. "I-I-I'll come back." That was stupid.

"Are you looking for Willow?" Oz asked. "She's just in the bathroom down the hall."

Tara started to back away, shaking her head. "No, no. No, it's, it's okay."

"I saw you at Giles' yesterday."

So, he'd noticed her? Was he suspicious? "Yeah. Sometimes Willow takes me with her to the S-Scoobies." That was ridiculous of course. She and Willow weren't together, as much as she wanted them to be. There was nothing for Oz to be suspicious of, unfortunately.

"You sure you don't wanna come in?"

Tara shook her head and walked away, angry tears welling up in her eyes. She rarely ever swore, but felt an urge to do so now. "Damn it!" Magic surged from within her and a bulb in the lamp she passed by exploded. That sound startled her and made her realize what she was doing. "Mother." Though she didn't actually have a temper to speak of, her mother had long ago warned her that using the power in anger was sure to rouse the demon within her, and that was one thing she never wanted to do. "I'm sorry."

So Willow was with Oz again. It wasn't as if Tara hadn't expected that. She knew from experience how powerful love could be and if that was Willow's decision so be it, but that didn't mean she was happy about it. "He hurt you, Will. What makes you think he won't do it again?" Sooner or later she'd see Willow again, and she'd probably tell her about Oz. If Willow was happy then Tara would do her best to be happy for her.

Tara sat down at her desk. The last time she was unable to concentrate because of lingering questions about her feelings for Willow and vice versa, and what their relationship was evolving into. Now that the decision had been basically taken out of her hands she actually felt a little freer. She finished her studying, and was about to turn on the television when someone knocked on her door.

It was Willow.

"Hi."

Tara stared at her for a moment. "Hi." She moved so Willow could come inside, then closed the door.

"I can only stay for a minute. I have class."

Tara knew that. She was very familiar with Willow's schedule. "Me too, I-I-I have class too."

"I just want you to know that what you saw this morning, it wasn't..."

Tara stopped her. It really wasn't her business. "No, it's okay. I-I always knew that if he came back..."

"We were just talking. Nothing happened."

"Oh." Tara couldn't help herself, and gave the redhead a hopeful smile. "Really?"

Willow nodded. "But, you know, it was intense...just talking. We have a lot to talk about." She sighed and took a step away. "I kinda feel like my head's gonna explode."

Tara could tell Willow was hurting, it was sprinkled throughout her aura. She decided to say something to make her feel better. "Whatever, you know, happens ... I'll still be here. I'll still be your friend."

"Of course we'll be friends! That's not even a question."

Tara felt herself getting upset, and she wasn't sure why. "But I'm saying, I know what Oz means to you."

"How can you when I'm not even sure? I mean, I know what he meant to me. But he left and everything changed. I changed, and... then we..."

Tara felt something from Willow she couldn't quite identify. "What?"

"I don't know." The redhead teared up as she continued. "I just...life was starting to get so good again, and you're a big part of that." She was practically sobbing as she talked. "And here comes the thing I wanted most of all and I don't know what to do, I ...I wanna know, but I don't."

Tara couldn't stand seeing or feeling Willow like this. She brushed a tear from Willow's cheek and said the one thing she knew Willow needed to hear right now. "Do what makes you ... h-h-happy."

Willow hugged her. Tara smiled sadly and stroked her hair.

What happened next was kind of a blur.

One minute they were standing there, holding one another, and the next...they were kissing. Passionately. Tara's eyes closed and she moaned as the two of stumbled back onto the bed, tongues hungrily caressing one another as their hands clutched desperately. Apparently feeling constricted Willow stopped just long enough to remove her sweater, then she spooned up against Tara and returned to the embrace.

'Goddess!' In her mind Tara knew what was happening wasn't right. 'No.' It wasn't real either. Willow was scared and confused, trying desperately to make herself feel better and, perhaps, even distract herself a little. Some part of Tara knew she should stop it, but this felt so good. Willow's breasts pressing against hers. Their tongues doing a frantic little dance inside each other's mouths. She wanted this. She needed this. Moaning softly the blonde slid a hand into Willow's shirt, and caressed one of Willow's lace-covered breasts.

The redhead's eyes shot open. She pulled away, face flushed and gasped. "W-Wait. I can't."

Tara sat up. "What's wrong?" In a way she was glad Willow had stopped, but she was also disappointed. This was, after all, what she had been dreaming about for months. Sort of.

"I'm sorry. I-I want this, I really do. But...there's too much going on..." Willow touched her head. "...in here right now, you know? I'm not thinking straight, if you'll pardon the pun. And I don't want our first time to be like this. It wouldn't be fair to you or to us." She stroked Tara's cheek. "You're so beautiful." She rolled out of bed and moved toward the door. "I-I gotta go. I'm sorry."

Tara fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, sobbing. Willow was right. It wasn't fair. After a few minutes she realized she was going to be late for class. She rolled over and noticed the sweater Willow had left behind. It had the scent of her perfume and her body all over it, and she wanted to be close to that right now. So she slipped it on and went to collect her things. She was understandably distracted as she walked the halls, and barely noticed a familiar voice that spoke an equally familiar name.

"Willow." It was Oz. Tara stopped in her tracks. "Hey. I thought I sm..ah heard, Willow."

"Hey." Tara noticed he was carrying books. UC Sunnydale books. That could only mean one thing "You're, uhm, you're coming back to school here, huh?"

Oz nodded. "Pretty much feeling...oddly motivated." He sniffed and looked around.

"That's um...that's great." So it was true. He and Willow were getting back together. I mean that's, that's great for you and Willow, right?"

"I hope so."

"Good, that's, because..."

Oz cocked his head. "Is that her sweater?"

Tara was so wrapped up in her own thoughts and raging emotions she didn't hear the question. "I just, I just hope that you guys'll be very ... happy."

"You smell like her." Oz stepped closer. "She's all over you, do you know that?"

Tara saw anger seething in his aura. It was so bright, almost...primal. "I can't. I-I can't talk about this." She turned to leave but he grabbed her arm to stop her. It actually hurt.

"But there's something to talk about?" Oz snarled, and Tara gasped. "Are you two involved?!"

"I have, I, I, I have to go."

" 'cause she never said anything to me like that. We talked all night and she never..." Tara turned to leave, and Oz snarled. "No, stop!" He grabbed her again. She winced. "Is she in love with you?" That was a question Tara couldn't answer, as much as she might have wanted to. "Tell me, is she?!" He stopped suddenly and dropped his hands, now panting. He glared down, shocked by what he saw.

Tara followed his gaze. His hand! It was...changing. The fingers had lengthened and thickened, it was covered in a thick fur and the nails had grown into claws. She raised her head. His face seemed frozen momentarily between its human and wolf forms. His pure black eyes pleaded as he spoke a single word.

"Run."



**

Kirk B



Life is much too serious to be taken seriously.



Willow is a tree that weeps, but Tara is firmer and will hold.

Ahh..the memories of that episode.. . So beautifully written. Love sammi x

Sorry this update's so late. Been kinda busy today.











TITLE: Outside and In

AUTHOR: Kirk Baldridge

E-MAIL: KirkBwriter@juno.com

FEEDBACK: Yes, please. The more the better.

DISTRIBUTION: You want it? Take it. Just let me know where it is.

SPOILERS: Nothing, really. I mean come on. The show is over. What's left to spoil?

CONTENT: W/T B/R X/A

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. If I did, I'd treat them better than...some people.

SUMMARY: A look at some of the college years, through the eyes of an outsider who ended up being the heart and soul of the Scooby gang.

NOTE: This story is told, obviously, from Tara's point of view. Hopefully I will be able to describe the events of season four in a way that you will be able to recognize individual episodes.



**



Tara ran.

As hard and as fast as she could.

Behind her, Oz fells to his hands and knees, howling. The clothes tore right off his body as he transformed, and even before the amazing metamorphosis had finished he was bounding after her. He was snarling and roaring, and she could practically feel him breathing down her neck.

Fortunately for her, while the werewolf had speed and power on his side he was not particularly agile, and could not stop on a dime either. Every time she would turn a corner, reverse direction, or even stop to catch her breath, the werewolf would overshoot her position or skid past her and by the time he recovered and came after her Tara was off and running again. As a result she stayed one step ahead of him.

Of course she knew it wouldn't last. Sooner or later she would either get tired or make a stupid mistake, and he would be upon her. She had no way to fight him except with her magic. She didn't know but one or two spells that might stop him, but even though he was a werewolf she was reluctant to harm him because she knew how much it would hurt Willow. So she just kept running, and looking for help.

Tara rounded a corner at top speed, and heard the beast slam into a wall behind her as he tried to stop in time to catch her. She darted into an open door ahead and found herself in one of UC Sunnydale's tiered classrooms. She twisted away from his claws and ran up the stairs to try the back door which, predictably, was locked. He came at her again, roaring, so she ran across the top and down the other set of stairs. But the werewolf must have figured out what she was doing. He turned around and charged toward the door on the other end of the room. Because he was so much faster he got there ahead of her.

Tara screamed. In desperation she threw a chair at him just as he leaped at her. She knew it wouldn't do any real harm but she hoped it would at least slow him down long enough for her to get away again. When he and the chair collided he yelped and went down, not moving again. She frowned. It was then she saw the dart sticking out of his hindquarters. As she was trying to figure out what was going on she saw Buffy's boyfriend, Riley, and a couple of other similarly dressed young men come rushing into the room. One of them asked if she was all right, while the others loaded the werewolf into a containment pouch. She tried to warn them, to tell them it was a human and not a monster but they were determined. She stood there for a few moments after they were gone. This was not good at all. Whoever the men with Riley were, they meant business.

"Goddess. I have to find Willow."

The class Willow normally had at this time had been canceled, Tara found out, but one of the redhead's friends told her she had said something about going to the library. Sure enough Willow was sitting at a table, reading, but with a bored expression on her face. She got up to see the blonde.

"What's up? You okay?"

Tara just said it. "Oz. We were talking and, he changed. Right in front of me."

"What? It's daylight."

"I know, but it happened."

"Oh my god, are you all right?"

"I'm fine." It hadn't escaped Tara's notice that Willow's first concern was for her. Unfortunately there was more to tell, so she continued. "Riley and the commando guys...they stopped him. But they don't know it's Oz. I tried to tell them, but...they took him away."

"When? Just now?"

Tara nodded. "I think they might hurt him."

"I, I have to go." Willow's aura was flaring now. "I have to find Buffy."

"I know." Tara was still worried as Willow left. Riley had been concerned about someone named Graham. They, he and the commando guys, seemed to think Oz might have had a hand in attacking their friend, which meant they probably wouldn't be willing to give the werewolf a chance to defend himself. And if something happened to him Willow would never recover. "I-I'm sorry."

It was all her fault. Oz had lost control of himself because of her relationship...whatever it was, with Willow. If she hadn't been there he would have been okay. Tara wiped her eyes. She wandered back to her dorm room in sort of a daze. One way or another she was bound to lose Willow now, and it hurt.

If Willow and the Scoobies managed to rescue Oz she'd most likely throw herself back into his arms. They'd be very happy together, she was sure of that. Worse though would be if they did not get to Oz it time. Willow would be devastated, and probably wouldn't want anything to do with her since it was her fault that he had been caught in the first place. She didn't know whether to cry or scream.

The blonde jumped when a hand touched her shoulder. It was Amanda, and she looked worried. "Sorry. I thought you heard me coming." She cocked her head. "Hey? Is everything okay?"

"N-Not really."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Okay." Only Tara didn't say anything. She couldn't find the words, or the strength. Now that the excitement was over and her adrenaline had stopped pumping she was left tired and scared.

Amanda recognized the signs of shock. She found Tara's keys in her pocket and unlocked the door, then led her inside and sat her down on the bed. After getting Tara a glass of water she dragged a chair over from the desk and sat down in front of Tara, then put a hand on hers. "What happened?"

Tara broke down and told her...almost everything about her confrontation with Oz. She was cognizant enough to leave out most of the specifics--like Oz's being a werewolf and the identities of the men who saved her. That was way too much information for her to go into right now.

"Whoa. Fighting with your girlfriend's ex? That's an interesting dating technique."

Tara couldn't help but smile a little. "Thanks for your support."

"Sorry. Have you talked to Willow about this?"

"She knows. Most of it."

Amanda nodded. "You should really be talking to her. Not me."

"She's, um, kind of busy right now."

"Suit yourself. You'd feel better though."

Tara turned her head. "I already do. Thanks to you."

"You're welcome." Amanda shrugged her shoulders. What are friends for?"

"Speaking of, did you want something?"

"Hmm?"

"You were here waiting for me, weren't you?" Tara asked. "Did you need something?"

Amanda shook her head. "Oh. No. I just wanted you to be the first to know...I'm leaving school."

"What? Why?"

"My father. He's in the military. He was assigned to Sunnydale, some top secret something or other, but there's been some of shake-up recently and they transferred him to...God, where is it? Some place in Nevada I think. We have to leave in a couple of days. It really sucks."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too. I was really getting to like this place. Monsters aside."

Amanda's father being in the military and the mention of monsters made Tara think about Oz again. And Willow. She wondered what was happening. Did they know where he was?

Tara passed out shortly thereafter, but only for a couple of hours. When she woke up Amanda was gone, though a note said she would try to stop by to see her one more time before she left town.

She realized she'd missed an important class because of her encounter with Oz so she sought out the instructor to get the materials for a report they would be doing. That evening, after dinner, Tara discovered she still was not able to concentrate. That seemed to be happening more often since meeting Willow. That was okay. She enjoyed being kept off-balance, most of the time.

Tara considered calling Willow. She was worried about the redhead. But even if they'd rescued Oz, maybe even particularly if they had been successful, Tara guessed Willow would be too busy to answer the phone. Which was not exactly an image that was conducive to helping her concentrate. She looked through the TV Guide and saw an art program coming on the history channel that sounded interesting, so she made some popcorn and settled down in front of the television. At least the night would be a calm one.

Then the lights went out. Tara got up and gazed out the window. From what she could see the whole campus was dark. A blackout. The perfect end to a perfect day. Sighing, she dropped back into the chair. There were a number of candles scattered around the room she could have lit, but she didn't bother. Right now she was in a mood to sit in the dark. It actually made her feel a little better to stare out the window.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed when she heard a knock on the door. Surprised, she got up to answer it. She never had visitors. Except for Willow and Amanda she didn't know anyone at school. Certainly not anyone who would come to her room in the middle of the night.

It was Willow. Tara just stared at her, too surprised to say anything.

"No candles?" the redhead asked. "Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey."

Tara felt cold all of a sudden. She numbly took the proffered candle as Willow closed the door behind her. Had Willow come to 'dump' her? Or just to tell her she was back with Oz?

"Tara, I have to tell you..."

Tara decided to save her the trouble. "No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love."

Willow smiled. "I am."

Tara slowly lifted her head. Her heart swelled. "You mean..."

"I mean." Willow paused. "Okay?"

Tara didn't know if she wanted to cry, or scream with joy. Oh, yes."

"I feel horrible about everything I put you through a-and I'm gonna make it up to you." Willow had a look on her face Tara had never seen before. "Starting right now."

Tara smiled. "Right now?" Willow nodded, and after a moment Tara blew out the candle in her hands. There was still enough moonlight streaming in the window for them to see each other.

Willow reached up and cupped Tara's cheeks. "Goddess, you are so incredibly beautiful."

"You r-really think so?"

"Would I lie to you?" Willow leaned in and kissed her. "Mm...rasberry."

Tara nodded. "It's my lip gloss. You can taste that?"

"Oh yes. I've been told I have a very sensitive tongue." Willow took the candle from Tara's hands and sat it aside, then led the blonde over to her bed. They both sat down. "Before anything more happens between us there's some stuff I think I should tell you. About me and Oz."

"Like what?"

"He was my first. My only, actually. I haven't...been with anyone else since he left. And I haven't really been too interested in looking either. Not until you came along."

Tara sighed. "I h-haven't, umm, been with anyone either."

"Ever?" The blonde shook her head. "Whoa." Willow played with Tara's hair and smiled nervously. "I guess, uh, I could, you know, teach you?" Her brow furrowed. "Except, this is all new territory for me. The whole...girl thing? I've never tried to, um...I mean of course I've read stuff. Not bad things, you know, like the magazines Xander has under his bed, not that I'd know what..."

Tara touched Willow's lips, and she stopped. "That is so cute."

"What?"

"Willowbabble." The redhead smiled, and Tara smiled back. "And it's okay. Y-You don't know what you're doing, and neither do I. But we can learn. Together."

Willow kissed her again. "Okay."

Tara finally had a chance to say something she'd been wanting to for so long. "I love you, Willow."

"I love you too."



**

Kirk B



Life is much too serious to be taken seriously.



Willow is a tree that weeps, but Tara is firmer and will hold.

That was so lovely and I loved the ending. Love sammi xx

This was absolutely fantastic. It was a great thing to just sit down and read from beginning to... now. I can't believe I only now discovered this fic, but I really like it. Well, I like anything Tara-centric, but this was very nicely written.

I believe in the madness called "now."