Willow & Tara's A Midsummer Night's Dream



Author: Chris Cook

Rating: PG

Summary: To escape the law of Monte Athena, Willow and Tara flee into the forest - on a Midsummer's eve when fairies are about.

Spoilers: Pretty much nothing.

Copyright: Based on characters from 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer', created by Joss Whedon and his talented minionators, and 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' by William Shakespeare. All original material - and there ain't a hell of a lot - is copyright 2003 Chris Cook.

Note: I couldn't resist the idea, but I wondered whether to write it as a normal story, a new play using Shakespearean language, or what. In the end I just decided to stick very much with the original text - which I don't presume to suggest I could have improved - and give it a tweak now and then to make the retelling worthwhile. I hope you enjoy it.

Feedback: Please. Here, or to alia@netspace.net.au



--

SCENE, - The Town of MONTE ATHENA in Tuscany, and a Wood not far from it.

--



Act I, Scene I:



ATHENS. A Room in the Palace of GILES.



[Enter GILES, JENNY, WESLEY, and Attendants.]



Giles: Now, fair Miss Calendar, our nuptial hour

draws on apace; four happy days bring in

Another moon; but I must say, how slow

This old moon wanes! She lingers my desires,

Like to a She-mantis preparing to mate,

Offering only illusion to her young male prey.



Jenny: Four days will quickly steep themselves in nights;

Four nights will quickly dream away the time;

And then the moon, and its resident demon

Safely bound therein, shall behold the night

Of our solemnities.



Giles: Go, Wesley,

Stir up the Athenian teens to merriments;

Awake their bored and lazy spirits to mirth;

Turn melancholy forth to the Bronze-

The pale companion is not for our pomp.-

[Exit Wesley]

Jenny, I woo'd thee with my bookish charm,

And won thy love despite accidentally causing

Thee to become a demon for a while;

But I will wed thee in another key,

With pomp, with triumph, and with revelling.



[Giles and Jenny draw close for a kiss. Enter IRA, WILLOW, TARA and XANDER.]



Ira: Happy be Giles, our renowned duke!



[Giles looks irritated, then forces a smile.]



Giles: Thanks, good Ira; what's the news with thee?



Ira: Full of vexation come I-

[Giles and Jenny share a 'what a surprise' look.]

-with complaint

Against my child, my daughter Willow. -

Stand forth Alexander. - My noble lord,

This man hath my consent to marry her; -

Stand forth Tara; - and, my gracious duke,

This hath bewitch'd the bosom of my child.

[Willow and Tara look at each other and giggle. Ira rounds on Tara.]

Thou, thou, Tara, thou hast given her rhymes,

And interchang'd love-tokens with my child;

Thou hast by moonlight at her window sung,

With feigning voice, this 'under thy spell' nonsense;

With cunning hast thou filch'd my daughter's heart;

Turned her obedience, which is due to me,

To stubborn harshness. - And, my gracious duke,

Be it so she will not here before your grace

Consent to marry with Alexander,

I beg the ancient privilege of Athens,

As she is my child I may dispose of her;

Which shall be either to this gentleman,

Or to the death of her art: the destruction

Of her spell-books and her consigned to a convent!



Giles: What say you Willow? Be advis'd, fair maid,

It is within your father's right to do as he has spoken.

Xander is a worthy gentleman.



Willow: So is Tara! Gentlewoman, I mean to say,

Thou knowest what I mean, that her virtue

Is no less than his.



Giles: In herself she is;

But, in this kind, wanting your father's voice,

The other must be held worthier.





Willow: I would my father look'd but with my eyes.



Giles: Rather your eyes must with his judgement look.



Willow: I do entreat your grace to pardon me,

I know not by what power I am made bold,

Nor how it may concern my modesty

In such a presence here to plead my thoughts;

But I beseech your grace that I may know

The worst that may befall me in this case

If I refuse to wed Xander.



Giles: Your fate should then be to abjure

For ever the society of wicca.

Therefore, fair Willow, question your desires,

Know of your youth, examine well your blood,

Whether, if you yield not to your father's choice,

You can endure the livery of a nun.



Willow: If Tara's hand in marriage be not mine,

No other hardship would have power to mark me.

So will I grow, so live, so die, my lord,

Ere I will yield my life up

Unto his lordship, whose unwished yoke

My soul consents not to give sovereignty.



Giles: Take time to pause; and by the next new moon, -

The sealing-day betwixt my love and me,

For everlasting bond of fellowship, -

Upon that day either prepare to suffer

For disobedience to your father's will;

Or else to wed Xander, as he would.



Xander: Relent, sweet Willow; - and, Tara, yield

Thy crazed title to my certain right.'



Tara: You have her father's love, Xander;

Let me have Willow's; and you marry him.



Willow (grinning): Me-ow!



Tara: Really? My modesty has until now kept me

From voicing thoughts worthy of 'me-ow'.



Ira: Scornful Tara! True, he hath my love;

And what is mine my love shall render him;

And she is mine; -



Willow: Oh for Gaia's sake, dad.



Ira: - And all my right of her

I do estate unto Alexander.



Tara: I am, my lord, as well deriv'd as he, -

By whatever system lower-middle-class

Counts as deriv'd, - and should thou value it,

Equally as well possess'd; my love is more than his;

My fortunes every way as fairly rank'd,

If not with masculinity, as Xander's;

And, which is more than all these boasts could be,

I am belov'd of beauteous Willow;

Why should I not prosecute my right -

And if it be that I am a woman, then I promise

Thy prejudice shall not matter when thou awake

Tomorrow in the form of a rat; And anyway,

Xander, I'll avouch it to his head,

Made love to D'Hoffryn's daughter, Anya,

And won her soul; and she, sweet demon, dotes,

Devoutly dotes, dotes in idolatry,

Upon this spotted and inconstant man.



Xander (anxious): I have spots?



Tara: It's a metaphor.



Giles: I much confess that I have heard so much.



Xander (alarmed): I do have spots?



Giles: To your meetings with Anya, I refer'd,

And with you I thought to have spoke thereof;

But, being over-full of self-affairs,

My mind did lose it. - But, Xander, come;

And come, Ira; you shall go with me;

I have some private schooling for you both. -

For you, fair Willow, look you arm yourself

To fit your fancies to your father's will,

Or else the law of Athens yields you up, -

Which by no means we may extenuate, -

To a life without the wiccan way. -

Come, my Jenny;

[Jenny frowns and turns away from Giles.]

What cheer, my love?

Xander, and Ira, go along.



Ira: With duty and desire we follow you.



[Exeunt Giles, Jenny, Ira, Xander, and Attendants.]



Willow (upset): I'll arm myself all right.



Tara: How now, my love! Why is your cheek so pale?

How chance the roses there do fade so fast?



Willow: Belike for want of rain, which I could well

Sate them from the tempest of mine eyes.



Tara: Ah me! for aught that ever I could read,

Could ever hear by tale or legend,

The course of true love never did run smooth.



Willow: If, then, true lovers have been ever cross'd,

Then let us stand 'gainst the forms of destiny;

If this world be unkind to our love let us find another,

For no power of man or nature will make me love thee less,

Or compel me to observe the cruelties of foul fate.



Tara: A good persuasion; therefore, hear me, Willow.

I have a widow aunt, a dowager

Who hath no contact with my other family;

From Athens is her home remote seven leagues;

And she respects me as her daughter.

There, gentle Willow, may I marry thee;

And to that place the sharp Athenian law

Cannot pursue us. If thou lov'st me, then,

Steal forth thy father's house tomorrow night;

And in the wood a league without the town,

Where I did meet thee once during the night,

To do observance to a morn of May.



Willow (grinning): I remember that night well!



Tara: There will I stay for thee.



Willow: My good Tara!

I swear to thee by Cupid's strongest bow,

By his best arrow with the golden head,

By the simplicity of Venus' doves,

By that which knitteth souls and prosper loves,

In that same place thou hast appointed me,

Tomorrow truly will I meet with thee.



Tara: Keep promise, love. Look, here comes Anya.



[Enter ANYA.]



Willow: Goddess speed fair Anya! Whither away?



Anya: Call you me fair? that fair again unsay.

Xander loves your fair. O happy fair!

Your eyes are emerald; and your tongue's sweet air

More tuneable than lark to shepherd's ear,

When wheat is green, when hawthorn buds appear.

Sickness is catching; O, were favour so,

Yours would I catch, fair Willow, ere I go;

My ear should catch your voice, my eye your eye,

My tongue should catch your tongue's sweet melody,

In place of mine, which sing not but of tuneless duets

And song of bunnies that would woo no heart.

Were the world mine, Xander being bated,

The rest I'd give to be to you translated.

O, teach me how you look; and with what art

You sway the motion of Xander's heart.



Willow: I frown upon him, yet he loves me still.



Anya: O that your frowns would teach my smiles such skill!



Willow: I give him chaste friendship, yet he gives me love.



Anya: O that my frequent nakedness could such affection move!



Willow: I make it plain my affections are for women, not men.



Anya: Think you he might look upon me favourably if I had a girlfriend?



Willow: His folly, Anya, is no fault of mine.



Anya: None, but your beauty; would that fault were mine!



Willow: Take comfort; he no more shall see my face;

Tara and myself will fly this place. -

Before the time I did Tara see,

Seem'd Athens like a paradise to me;

But now no longing can this place stir,

And all that is paradise for me, is her.





Tara: Anya, to you our minds we will unfold;

Tomorrow night, when Phoebe doth behold

Her silver visage in the watery glass,

Decking with liquid pearl the bladed grass, -

A time that lovers' flights doth still conceal, -

Through Athens' gates we have devis'd to steal.



Willow: And in the woods where once you and I

Upon fair primrose beds did attempt the spell

That would to you your locket return, -

Though that did not go so well, as I recall, -

Regardless, there my Tara and I shall meet;

And thence from Athens turn away our eyes,

To seek a life beyond its walls

Where our love do prevail over all.

Farewell, sweet demon; pray thou for us,

And good luck grant thee thy Xander! -

Keep word, Tara; we must starve our sight

From lovers' food, till morrow deep midnight.



Tara: I will, my Willow.

[Exit Willow.]

Anya, adieu;

As you on him, Xander dote on you!



[Exit Tara.]



Anya: How happy some o'er other some can be!

Through Athens I am thought as fair as she.

But what of that? Xander thinks not so;

He will not know what all but he do know.

And as he errs, doting on Willow's eyes,

So I, admiring of his qualities.

Things base and vile, holding no quality,

Love can transpose to form and dignity.

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;

And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind.

Nor hath love's mind of any judgement taste;

Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste;

And therefore is love said to be a child,

Because in choice he is so oft beguil'd.

As waggish boys in game themselves forswear,

So the boy Love is perjur'd everywhere;

For ere Xander look'd on Willow's eyne,

He hail'd down oaths that he was only mine;

And when this hail some heat from Willow felt,

So he dissolv'd, and showers of oaths did melt.

I dearly desire that my own wishes I could answer,

For Xander's change doth give me cause to grieve.

And yet I find it not within myself to wish him ill,

For love's fool an I made, and cannot but love him still.

I will go tell him of fair Willow's flight;

Then to the wood will he tomorrow night

Pursue her; and for this intelligence

If I have thanks, it is a dear expense;

But herein mean I to enrich my pain,

To have his sight thither and back again.



[Exit.]

All I can say is I think this is really cool.

---

"You have to believe we are magic. Nothin' can stand in our way."---Olivia Newton-John.

A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience.~~Oliver Wendell Holmes

This is delightful. Anyone who likes "The Dream" will get a lot of laughs & enjoyment from your version.



Actually, it reminds me of the "Moonlighting : Taming of the Shrew" episode from a few years ago.



You may not get as big an audience as some fics do, but I sure hope you'll continue.



Russ

wow - god this is fabulous - i haven't laughed that much in ages



please post again soon

B

"Dude! like you're getting in the Boob light alright!" - AB Stuff photoshoot

SlayerSydney: Thanks



russ: I fully intend to revise the whole play. Partly just out of a sense of completeness - and so I can see Willow & Tara married at the end - partly because, well, it's not really that much effort, copying out the text and changing lines here and there. But mostly because I really want to get to Act V, and the play-within-a-play, which I hope will be riotously funny.



Catwalks: Thanks, and once I've caught up fully (in a day or so) I'll be posting as quickly as I can write.

Willow & Tara's A Midsummer Night's Dream



Author: Chris Cook

Rating: PG

Summary: To escape the law of Monte Athena, Willow and Tara flee into the forest - on a Midsummer's eve when fairies are about.

Spoilers: Pretty much nothing.

Copyright: Based on characters from 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer', created by Joss Whedon and his talented minionators, and 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' by William Shakespeare. All original material - and there ain't a hell of a lot - is copyright 2003 Chris Cook.

Feedback: Please. Here, or to alia@netspace.net.au



--

SCENE, - The Town of MONTE ATHENA in Tuscany, and a Wood not far from it.

--



Act 1, Scene 2:



ATHENS. The piazza, a busy marketplace.



[Enter HARMONY, JONATHAN, DEVON, MICHAEL, LARRY, and SCOTT.]



Larry: Is all our company here?



Jonathan: You were best to call them generally, man by man-



Harmony: Hey!



Jonathan: -according to the scroll.



Larry: Here is the scroll of every man's-



Harmony: Hello?



Larry: -and woman's name, which is thought fit, through all Athens, to play in our interlude before the duke and duchess on his wedding-day at night.



Jonathan: First, good Larry Blaisdell, say what the play treats on; then read the names of the actors;



Harmony: Dammit!



Jonathan: -and actresses; and so grow to a point.



Larry: Marry, our play is - The most lamentable comedy, and most cruel tragedy of Angel and Cordelia.



Jonathan: A very good piece of work, I assure you, and a merry. - Now, good Larry, call forth your actors-



Harmony: Listen you-



Jonathan: - we get it, Harmony, enough - Larry, call forth your actors by the scroll. - Masters, spread yourselves.



Harmony: I am not touching that.



Larry: Answer as I call you. - Jonathan Levenson, the geek.



Jonathan: Ready. Name what part I am for, and proceed.



Larry: You, Jonathan, are set down for Angel.



Jonathan: What is Angel? A lover, or a tyrant?



Larry: A lover, that is entombed in the ocean's deep most gallantly for love.



Jonathan: That will ask some tears in the true performing of it. If I do it, let the audience look to their eyes; I will move storms; I will condole in some measure. Think you that I should brood, in this part? To the rest. - yet my chief humour is to play a tyrant; I could play William the Bloody rarely. - Now, name the rest of the players.



Larry: Devon MacLeish, the lead singer.



Devon: Here, Larry.



Larry: You must take Cordelia on you.



Devon: What is Cordelia? A wandering knight?



Larry: It is the lady that Angel must love.



Devon: Nay, let me not play a woman; I have a beard coming; and the band would jest about it until the end of time.



Harmony: Guys? Actual woman here, I could be Cordelia.



Devon: Yes, let Harmony play Cordelia's part, and for me a more manly role.



Larry: I'm not risking it. Cordelia is a lady of virtue true.



Harmony: Well I'm... I mean... I could... dammit!



Larry: That's all one; Devon, you shall play it in a mask, and you may speak as small as you will.



Jonathan: And I may hide my face, let me play Cordelia too! I'll speak in a monstrous little voice. 'Ah, Angel, my lover dear; thy Cordelia dear! And lady dear!'



Larry: No, no, you must play Angel; and Devon, you Cordelia.



Jonathan: Well, proceed.



Larry: Scott Hope, the miscellaneous guy.



Scott: Here, Larry.



Larry: Scott Hope, you must play Angel's associate Lorne. - Michael Czajak, the wicca guy.



Michael: Here, Larry.



Larry: You, Angel's son Connor; myself, Cordelia's friend Fred; - Harmony Kendall the groupie, you, Skip, the unearthly warrior's part; - and, I hope, here is a play fitted.



Harmony: Have you Skip's part written? Pray you, if it be, give it me, for I am slow of study.



Larry: No kidding. But you may do it extempore, for it is nothing but standing around in an impressive outfit.



Jonathan: Let me play Skip too; I will be unearthly, that it will do any man's heart woe to see me; I will be as a creature of untold realms, that I will make the duke say, 'let him play again, for he is uncanny to behold!'



Larry: And you should do it too terribly you would frighten the duchess and the ladies, that they would shriek; and that were enough to hang us all.



Jonathan: I grant you, friends, if that you should frighten the ladies out of their wits, they would have no more discretion but to hang us; but I will aggravate my voice so that I will seem as sweet an unearthly warrior as did ever dwell upon forbidden paths; as gentle as any suckling dove-



Larry: You can play no part but Angel! For Angel is a sweet-faced man; a proper man, as one should see on a summer's day; a most lovely, gentleman-like man, provided he has not the company of a lady in his bed; therefore you needs must play Angel. - Masters, here are your parts; and I am to entreat you, request you, and desire you, to con them by tomorrow night; and meet me in the palace wood; there we will rehearse; for if we meet in the city, we shall be dogg'd with company, and out devices known. In the meantime I will draw a bill of properties, such as our play wants. I pray you, fail me not.



Jonathan: We will meet; and there we may rehearse more obscenely-



Harmony: We're doing what now?



Jonathan: -and courageously. Take pains; be perfect; adieu.



Larry: At the duke's wood we meet.



[Exeunt]

That's very interesting, a challenge indeed to write this AU. I am amused by the losers' plans in the second update and of course by the w/t romance.

-----------------------------------

En un mundo de ilusión yo estaba desahuciado, yo estaba abandonado.

Vivía sin sentido, pero llegaste tú. -
Mana

Willow & Tara's A Midsummer Night's Dream



Author: Chris Cook

Rating: PG

Summary: To escape the law of Monte Athena, Willow and Tara flee into the forest - on a Midsummer's eve when fairies are about.

Spoilers: Pretty much nothing.

Copyright: Based on characters from 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer', created by Joss Whedon and his talented minionators, and 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' by William Shakespeare. All original material - and there ain't a hell of a lot - is copyright 2003 Chris Cook.

Feedback: Please. Here, or to alia@netspace.net.au



--



Act II, Scene I:



Scene: A wood near ATHENS.



[Many Fairies at play in the wood, among them DAWN, who approaches another Fairy and leans over her shoulder.]



Dawn: How now, spirit! Whither wander you?



Fairy: Over hill, over dale,

Through bush, through briar,

Over park, over pale,

Through flood, through fire,

I do wander everywhere,

Swifter than the moon's sphere;

And I serve the queen-regent,

To dew her orbs upon the green,

The cowslips tall her pensioners be;

In their gold coats spots you see;

Those be rubies, fairy favours,

In those freckles live their savours;

[She drains her drink and stands.]

I must go seek some dew-drops here,

And hang a pearl in every cow-slip's ear.

Farewell, thou lob of spirits; I'll be gone;

Our regent and all our elves come here anon.



Dawn: The queen doth keep her revels here tonight;

Take heed the regent come not within her sight.

For Buffy is passing fell and wrath,

Because the regent, among her possessions hath

A certain stake, pass'd down from old,

A weapon wielded by the bold.

And jealous Buffy would have the stake,

That her regent did presume to take.

But she perforce withholds the toy,

For, so she claims, it brings her joy;

And now they never meet in grove or green,

By fountain clear or spangled starlight sheen,

But they do square; that all their elves, for fear,

Creep into acorn cups, and hide them there.



Fairy: Either I mistake your shape and making quite,

Or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite

Call'd the Key; are you not she

That frights the maidens of the villagery;

Skim milk, and sometimes labour in the quern,

And bootless make the breathless teenagers churn;

And sometimes make the drink to bear no barm;

Mislead night-wanderers, laughing at their harm?

Those that Little Bit call you, and sweet Dawn,

You do their work, and they shall have good luck;

Are you not she?



Dawn: Thou speak'st aright;

I am that merry wanderer of the night.

I jest to Buffy, and make her smile,

When I a fat and bean-fed horse beguile,

Neighing in likeness of a filly foal;

And sometime lurk I in a gossip's bowl,

In very likeness of a roasted crab;

And, when she drinks, against her lips I bob,

And on her wither'd dew-lap pour the ale.

And tailor cries, and falls into a cough;

And then the whole quire hold their hips and laugh,

And waxen in their mirth, and sneeze, and swear

A merrier hour was never wasted there. -

But room, Fairy, here comes Buffy.



Fairy: And here my mistress. - Would that she were gone!



Act II, Scene II:



Scene: The same.



[The Fairies scatter as BUFFY, their Queen, appears. Lightning and thunder show in the sky. FAITH, Queen-Regent, enters with her Attendants.]



Buffy: Ill met by moonlight, proud Faith.



Faith: What, jealous Buffy! Fairies, skip hence;

I have forsworn her bed and company.



Buffy: Tarry, rash wanton: am I not thy lady?



Faith: Then I must be thy lady too: but I know

When thou hast stol'n away from fairy-land,

And in the shape of mortal girl sat all day,

Playing on pipes of corn, and flirting

To amorous boys. Why art thou here,

Come from the farthest steep of India?

But that, forsooth, the bouncing Gypsy,

Who you admire, and count as friend,

To Giles must be wedded; and you come

To give their bed joy and prosperity.



Buffy: Not in person! For they are old, and that's gross.

But how can'st thou thus, for shame, Faith,

Glance at my credit with Jenny,

Knowing I know thy jealousy for the respect of Giles?



Faith: These are the forgings of jealousy;

And never, since the middle summer's spring,

Met we on hill, in dale, forest or mead,

By paved fountain, or by rushy brook,

Or on the beached margent of the sea,

To dance our ringlets to the whistling wind,

But with thy brawls thou hast disturb'd our sport.

Therefore the winds, piping to us in vain,

As in revenge, have suck'd up from the sea

Cnotagious fogs; which, falling in the land,

Have every pelting river made so proud

That they have overborne their continents;

The ox hath therefore stretch'd his yoke in vain,

The ploughman lost his sweat, and the green corn

Hath rotted ere his youth attain'd a beard;

The fold stands empty in the drowned field,

And crows are fatted with the murrain flock;

The nine men's morris is fill'd up with mud;

And the quaint mazes in the wanton green,

For lack of tread, are undistinguishable;

The human mortals want their winter here;

No night is now with hymn or carol blest; -

Therefore the moon, the governess of floods,

Pale in her anger, washes all the air,

That rheumatic diseases do abound;

And through this distemperature we see

The seasons alter; hoary-headed frosts

Fall in the fresh lap of the crimson rose;

And on old Hyem's chin and icy crown

And odorous chaplet of sweet summer buds

Is, as in mockery, set; the spring, the summer,

The chilling autumn, angry winter, change

Their wonted liveries; and the maz'd world,

By their increase, now knows not which is which;

And this same progeny of evil comes

From our debate, from our dissension;

We are their parents and original.



Buffy: Do you amend it then; it lies in you;

Why should Faith cross her Buffy?

I do but beg a little stake

To be my weapon.



Faith: Set your heart at rest;

The fairy-land buys not the weapon of me.

Her wielder was a slayer of my order;

And, in the spiced Indian air, by night.

Full often hath she gossip'd by my side;

And sat with me on Neptune's yellow sands,

Marking the embarked traders on the flood;

When we have laugh'd to see the sails conceive,

And grow big-bellied with the wanton wind;

Which she, with pretty and with swimming gait,

Following, - the weapon she gifted to me in her hand, -

Would imitate; and sail upon the land,

To fetch me trifles, and return again,

As from a voyage, rich with merchandise,

But she, being mortal, at the hand of Drusilla did die;

And for her sake I do bear this stake;

And for her sake I will not part with it.



Buffy: How long within this wood intend you to stay?



Faith: Perchance till after Giles' wedding-day,

If you will patiently dance in our round,

And see our moonlight revels, go with us;

If not, shun me, and I will spare your haunts.



Buffy: Give me that stake and I will go with thee.



Faith: Not for thy fairy kingdom. Fairies, away;

We shall chide downright if I longer stay.



[Exit Faith and her Fairies.]



Buffy: Well, go thy way; thou shalt not from this grove

Till I torment thee for this injury. -

My gentle Dawn, come hither; thou remember'st

Since once I sat upon a promontory,

And heard a mermaid, on a dolphin's back,

Uttering such dulcet and harmonious breath,

That the rude sea grew civil at her song,

And certain stars shot madly from their spheres

To hear the sea-maid's music.



Dawn: I remember.



Buffy: That very time I saw, - but thou couldst not, -

Flying between the cold moon and the earth-



Dawn: I know this one, some sort of witch-hunting demon?



Buffy: No, t'was Cuipid all arm'd; a certain aim he took

At a fair vestal, throned by the west;

And loos'd his arrow smartly from his bow,

As it should pierce a hundred thousand hearts;

But I might see young Cupid's fiery shot

Quench'd in the chaste beams of the watery moon;

And the imperial votaress passed on,

In maiden-meditation, fancy-free.

Yes mark'd I where the bolt of Cupid fell;

It fell upon a little western flower, -

Before milk-white, now purple with love's wound, -

And maidens call it love-in-idleness.

Fetch me that flower; the herb I show'd thee once;

The juice of it on sleeping eyelids laid

Will make a man or woman madly dote

Upon the next live creature that it sees.

Fetch me this herb, and be thou here again

Ere the leviathan can swim a league.



Dawn: Well, that would be no great deed, since thou slew leviathan,

And he now rests in watery grave immobile.



Buffy: Dawn...



Dawn: Okay! I'll put a girdle round about the earth

In forty minutes.



[Exit Dawn.]



Buffy: Having once this juice,

I'll watch Faith when she is asleep,

And drop the liquor of it in her eyes;

The next thing she waking looks upon, -

Be it on demon, zombie, or vampire, or ghost,

On meddling monkey, or on busy ape, -

She shall pursue it with the soul of love.

And ere I take this charm off from her sight, -

As I can take it with another herb,

I'll make her render up her stake to me.

But who comes here? I am invisible;

And I will overhear their conference.



[Enter XANDER, ANYA following him.]



Xander: I love thee not, therefore pursue me not.

Where is Tara and fair Willow?

The one I'll banish, the other banisheth me.

Thou told'st me they were stol'n into this wood,

And here I am, and wood within this wood,

Because I cannot meet with Willow.

Hence, get thee gone, and follow me no more.



Anya: You draw me, you hard-hearted adamant;

But yet you draw not iron, for my heart

Is true as steel. Leave you your power to draw,

And I shall have no power to follow you.



Xander: Do I entice you? Do I speak you fair?

Or, rather, do I not in plainest truth

Tell you I do not, nor I cannot love you?



Anya: And even for that do I love you the more.

I am your bunny; and, Xander,

The more you beat me, - as indeed bunnies should be used,

For they are vile things, - I will fawn on you;

Use me but as your bunny, spurn me, ignore me,

Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave,

Unworthy as I am, to follow you.

What worser place can I beg in your love,

And yet a place of high respect with me, -

Than to be used as you use your bunny?



[In her passion, Anya reverts to her demonic visage.]



Xander: I have told you before, use not that face with me;

For I am sick when I do look on thee.



[Anya checks her face, and reverts to human form.]



Anya: And I an sick when I look not on you.



Xander: You do impeach your modesty too much,

To leave the city, and commit yourself

Into the hands of one that loves you not;

To truth the opportunity of night,

And the ill counsel of a desert place,

With the rich worth of your virginity.



[Anya looks slightly sheepish. After a moment, Xander does also.]



Anya: Your virtue is my privilege for that.

It is not night when I do see your face,

Therefore I think I am not in the night;

Nor doth this wood lack worlds of company;

For you, in my respect, are all the world;

Then how can it be said I am alone

When all the world is here to look on me?



Xander: I'll run from thee, and hide me in the brakes,

And leave thee to the mercy of wild beasts.



Anya: The wildest hath not such a heart as you.

Run when you will, the story shall be chang'd;

Apollo flies, and Daphne holds the chase;

The dove pursues the griffin; the mild hind

Makes speed to catch the tiger, - bootless speed,

When cowardice pursues and valour flies.



Xander: I will nto stay thy questions; let me go;

Or, if thou follow me, do not believe

But I shall cause thee mischief in the wood,

For there are many wild creatures about,

And though I would protect thee from them, detest thee though I do,

I would perforce run away and hide, for I fighteth like a girl.



Anya: Ay, in the temple, in the town, the field,

You do me mischief. Fie, Xander!

Your wrongs do set a scandal on my sex;

We cannot fight for love as men may do;-



Xander: Thou could'st have fooled me!



Anya: -We should be woo'd, and were not made to woo.

I'll follow thee, and make a heaven of hell,

To die upon the hand I love so well.



[Exeunt Xander and Anya.]



Buffy: Fare thee well, nymph; ere he do leave this grove,

Thou shalt fly him, and he shall seek thy love. -

[Re-enter Dawn.]

Hast thou the flower there? Welcome, wanderer.



Dawn: Ay, there it is.



Buffy: I pray thee, give it me.

I know a bank whereon the wild thyme blows,

Where ox-lips and the nodding violet grows;

Quite over-canopied with lush woodbine,

With sweet musk roses, and with eglantine;

There sleeps Faith sometime of the night,

Lulled in these flowers with dances and delight;

And there the snake throws her enamell'd skin,

Weed wide enough to wrap a fairy in;

And with the juice of this I'll streak her eyes,

And make her full of hateful fantasies.

Take thou some of it, and seek through this grove

A sweet Athenian lady is in love

With a disdainful youth; anoint the youth's eyes;

But do it when the next thing so espied

May be the lady; thou shalt know the pair

By the Athenian garments they hath on.

Effect it with some care, that the nymph's love may prove

More fond on her than she upon her love;

And look thou meet me ere the first cock crow.

[Dawn smirks.]

Rooster, thou gutter-minded fairy.



Dawn: Fear not, my lady, your servant shall do so.



[Exeunt.]

xita: Thanks It is a bit of a challenge - I may enjoy the language, but that doesn't mean I'm good with it - but it's a lot of fun as well. Particularly the players. I'm really looking forward to having them play out Angel and Cordelia at the end.

Artemis~~I seem to be making this an "Artemis Fic" day...



This is absolutely priceless! How did you pick this particular play to use as a frame? I'd love to know your thinking on the subject. It fits the characters and their foibles so incredibly well.



As I read, I actually found myself clapping my hands on a couple of occasions! I love good humor/farce, and this work is excellent. A few of my favorites?



~~Willow's "meow," and Tara's answer re: her modesty precluding public meows;

~~Tara threatening to make Ira wake up in the form of a rat;

~~Xander asking, "I have dots?" and Tara replying, "It's a metaphor";

~~Anya referring to her frequent nakedness, asking if Xander might like her better if she had a girlfriend, and begging Xander to use her as his bunny;

~~Harmony's dim-witted slattern character, and Jonathon "the geek";

~~(quite possibly my favorite) Buffy saying that she would bless Giles and Jenny's wedding bed, "though not in person. For they are old, and that's gross";

~~Xander's admission that he "fighteth like a girl";

~~Buffy referring to Dawn as a gutter-minded fairy.



This is just classic (every pun intended) and I am so psyched to read more. Someone mentioned earlier that you may not get as much feedback as some other fics; like that person, I beseech thee to turn not away from this story, lest I wax agitated and my coffee doth stay to churn within my most aggrieved belly.



Or something like that...



Mary

AntigoneUnbound: You needn't waxeth agitated, I'll be seeing this one through to the finish. It was Lizzie on the Willtara mailing list who suggested Midsummer Night's Dream with Willow and Tara as Lysander and Hermia. Dawn as Puck sort of leapt out at me while I was reading her thoughts, and I cast up the Players on my own.

Willow & Tara's A Midsummer Night's Dream



Author: Chris Cook

Rating: PG

Summary: To escape the law of Monte Athena, Willow and Tara flee into the forest - on a Midsummer's eve when fairies are about.

Spoilers: Pretty much nothing.

Copyright: Based on characters from 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer', created by Joss Whedon and his talented minionators, and 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' by William Shakespeare. All original material - and there ain't a hell of a lot - is copyright 2003 Chris Cook.

Feedback: Please. Here, or to alia@netspace.net.au



--



Act II, Scene III:



Scene: Another part of the Wood.



[Enter FAITH, with her Fairies.]



Faith: Come, now a roundel and a fairy song;

Then, for the third part of a minute, hence;

Some to kill cankers in the musk-rose buds;

Some war with rere-mice for their leathern wings,

To make my small elves coats; and some keep back

The clamorous owl, that nightly hoots and wonders

At our quaint spirits. Sing me now asleep;

Then to your offices and let me rest.



[The Fairies sing. Faith dances along for a while, then lays down, slowly falling asleep.]



Fairy: Hence, away; now all is well;

One, aloof, stand sentinel.



[Exeunt Fairies. Faith sleeps. Enter BUFFY.]



Buffy: What thou seest, when thou dost wake,

[Squeezes the flower on Faith's eyelids.]

Do it for thy true-love take;

Love and languish for its sake;

Be it ounce, or cat, or bear,

Pard, or boar with bristled hair,

In thy eye that shall appear

When thou wak'st, it is thy dear;

Wake when some vile thing is near.



[Exit Buffy. Enter TARA and WILLOW.]



Tara: Fair love, you faint with wandering in the wood;

And, to speak truth, I have forgot our way;

We'll rest us, Willow, if you think it good,

And tarry for the comfort of the day.



Willow: Be it so, Tara; find you out a bed,

For I upon this bank will rest my head.



Tara: One turf shall serve as pillow for us both;

One heart, one bed, two bosoms - each - and one troth.



Willow: Nay, good Tara; for my sake, my dear,

Lie farther off yet, do not lie so near;

This day and night have been long, and tired am I,

Yet no rest will I have if, in sleep, my wandering hands

Should find you within easy reach.



Tara: O, take the sense, sweet, of my innocence;

Love takes the meaning in love's conference.

I mean, that my heart unto yours is knit;

So that but one heart we can make of it;

Two bosoms interchainèd with an oath;

So then two bosoms and a single troth.



Willow: All the bosom-talk helps not my restfulness...



Tara: Then by your side no bed-room me deny;

For lying so, Willow, I do not lie.



Willow: My Tara riddles very prettily; -

Now much beshrew my manners and my pride

If Willow meant to say that Tara lied.

But, gentle love, for love and courtesy

Lie farther off; in human modesty,

Such separation as may well be said

Becomes a virtuous lady and a maid;

So far be distant; and, good night, sweet love;

Thy love ne'er alter till this sweet world end.



Tara: Amen, amen, to that fair prayer, say I;

And then end world when I end loyalty;

Here is my bed; sleep give thee all his rest.



Willow: With half that wish the wisher's eyes be pressed.



[They sleep. Enter DAWN.]



Dawn: Through the forest have I gone,

But Athenian found I none,

On whose eyes I might approve

This flower's force in stirring love.

Night and silence! Who is here?

Clothes of Athens she doth wear;

This is the youth, my mistress said,

Despised the Athenian maid;

And here the maiden, sleeping sound,

On the dank and dirty ground.

Pretty soul! She durst not lie

Near this... quite luscious lack-love,

Upon whose eyes I throw

All the power this charm doth owe;

When thou wak'st let love forbid

Sleep his seat on thy eyelid;

So awake after I take flight;

For I must now to Buffy's sight.



[Exit Dawn. Enter XANDER and ANYA.]



Anya: Stay, though thou kill me, sweet Xander.



Xander: I charge thee, hence, and do not haunt me thus.



Anya: O, wilt thou darkling leave me? Do not so.



Xander: Stay on thy peril; I alone will go.



[Exit Xander.]



Anya: O, I am out of breath in this fond chase!

The more my prayer the lesser is my grace.

Happy is Willow, wheresoe'er she lies,

For she hath blessed and attractive eyes.

How came her eyes so bright? Not with salt tears;

If so, my eyes are oftener wash'd than hers.

No, no, I am as ugly as a bear;

For beasts that meet me run away for fear,

With exception of bunnies, from whom I flee;

Therefore no marvel though Xander

O, as a monster, flee my presence thus.

What wicked and dissembling glass of mine

Made me compare with Willow's sphery eyne? -

But who is here? - Tara! On the ground!

Tara, if you will, good lady, awake.



Tara: And run through fire I will for thy sweet sake.

[Waking.] Beauteous Anya! Nature here shows art,

That through thy bosom makes me see thy heart.



Anya: [Inspecting her dress.] My bosom's showing?



Tara: Where is Xander? O, how fit a word

Is that vile name to perish on my sword!



Anya: Do not say so, Tara; say not so!

What though you love your Willow? Lord, what though?

Yes Willow still loves you; then be content.

And anyway, thou has no sword.



Tara: I can get one. And content with Willow? No; I do repent,

The time that I have with her spent.

Not Willow but Anya do I love;

My love's for you, my angelic dove.

The will of woman is by her reason sway'd;

And reason says you are the worthier maid.

Things growing are not ripe until their season;

So I, being young, till now ripe not to reason;

And touching now the point of human skill,

Reason becomes the marshal to my will,

And leads me to your eyes, where I o'erlook

Love's stories, written in love's richest book.



Anya: Well, I admit I'm flattered, maybe a little curious, -

But no, thou mock'st me, thou love'st me not!

Wherefore was I to this keen mockery born?

When at your hands did I deserve this scorn?

Is't not enough, is't not enough, young woman,

That I did never, no, nor never can

Deserve a sweet look from Xander's eye,

But you must flout my insufficiency?

Good troth, you do me wrong, - good sooth, you do -

In such disdainful manner me to woo.

But fare you well; perforce I must confess,

I thought you a lady of more true gentleness.

O, that a lady of one man refus'd,

Should of such as thou therefore be abus'd!



[Exit Anya.]



Tara: She sees not Willow; - Willow, sleep thou there;

And never mayst thou come Tara near!

For now my love for you hath waned,

I see thou would pursue me tirelessly,

And I would that thou forget me,

As I shall you. Thus be better for us both,

For you to Xander address your love and might;

And I, to honour Anya, and to be her knight!



[Exit Tara.]



Willow: [Starting.] Help me, Tara, help me! Do thy best

To pluck this crawling serpent from my breast!

Ah me, for pity! - What a dream was here!

Tara, look how I do quake with fear!

Methought a serpent eat my heart away,

And you sat smiling at his cruel prey. -

Tara! What, removed? Tara! Lady!

What, out of hearing? Gone? No sound, no word?

Alack, where are you? Speak, if you hear;

Speak, of all loves! I swoon almost with fear.

No? - Then I well perceive you are not nigh;

Either death or you I'll find immediately.



[Exit.]

Hello Kittens-



Thinks I that wistful sprite Dawn shall, upon the morn, be in trouble sooo deep.



More of the play I cry! More!





Jixer

Hi Artemis, I love this fic!! Even if it hadn't opened with, 'Now, fair Miss Calendar' I would have been hooked from the moment I read Ira's complaint against Willow, especially,



Stand forth Alexander. - My noble lord,

This man hath my consent to marry her; -

Stand forth Tara; - and, my gracious duke,

This hath bewitch'd the bosom of my child.



It is such a great idea and so funny in execution. I really like all the character substitutions which are amusing in themselves. Of these my personal favourite is Faith and Buffy as the estranged Queen and Queen Regent arguing over Kendra's stake (Mr. Pointy, I presume), closely followed by both pairs of lovers though I think your casting of the players company is inspired.



By the way, is Tara in drag? Dawn/Puck mistook her for an Athenian youth and she has taken on the 'butch' role......



Tara: Where is Xander? O, how fit a word

Is that vile name to perish on my sword!



Anya: Do not say so, Tara; say not so!

What though you love your Willow? Lord, what though?

Yes Willow still loves you; then be content.

And anyway, thou has no sword.



Tara: I can get one.



That made me laugh and then, given the sword symbolism I had visions of Tara going off to an Athenian erotica merchant in search of a dildo. (forgive me, sometimes I am both strange and crude).



The changes you 've made to the text make certain lines hilarious (e.g. Anya: O that my frequent nakedness could such affection move! ) The juxtapostion of Shakespearean language with BTVS references cracks me up and who could not love a stage direction like, [ Exit Faith and her Fairies.] I prefer this to the equally amusing [Enter FAITH and her Fairies.] because it leaves more to the imagination.



I like how you sometimes use original lines but give them a new comic meaning by adding BTVS context. [In her passion, Anya reverts to her demonic visage.]



Xander: I have told you before, use not that face with me;

For I am sick when I do look on thee.



It's also very funny when a character suddenly uses contemporary speech or messes up the metre. I loved Anya's entire 'I am your bunny' speech but especially the unforgettable line,



'Use me but as your bunny'.....



My absolute favourite was the players, I love what you've done with them. Apart from the images of Jonathan playing Angel and Larry playing Fred I love the play you've chosen for them,



Larry: Marry, our play is - The most lamentable comedy, and most cruel tragedy of Angel and Cordelia.



The title says it all, such an apt description of a disastrous storyline. And it makes possible classic lines like,



'What is Angel? A lover or a tyrant?'



and,

'Think you that I should brood, in this part?'



(wonder if David Boreanaz ever asked that, he never does anything else...)



or

Larry: You can play no part but Angel! For Angel is a sweet-faced man; a proper man, as one should see on a summer's day; a most lovely, gentleman-like man, provided he has not the company of a lady in his bed; therefore you needs must play Angel. -



Thanks so much for this, it's a riot so far and the revels have only just begun. I'm eagerly anticipating the next part.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
' What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday,
and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow :
our life is the creation of our mind. ' from The Dhammapada

Thanks all



jixer: Oh yeah, Dawn's in trouble.



miss calendar: Thanks for the extensive feedback The stake is indeed Mr Pointy (I'm waiting for an opportunity to slip the name in somewhere, but I don't think the text will provide). Tara isn't in drag; I altered the text here and there to avoid Oberon's references to Demetrius as 'he', so Dawn didn't know whether Buffy was talking about a guy or girl. I imagine, though, Tara is in more practical attire than Willow - Willow's probably got something nobility-like on - so Dawn would assume that Willow was the 'lady' and Tara the 'youth'. As for the sword comment (I didn't think of it as a double entendre, at the time), that I just ported over from the original, and inserted Tara's line because, well, she's a lady, she wouldn't have a sword. But I'm sure she can still pay a visit to the Monte Athena Adult Supply Shop Anya reverting to demon-form was more a result of me being weak-willed, and not wanting to have Xander say Demetrius's crueller lines to her cold (let's face it, Demetrius is a prick). I don't think I've ever intentionally messed up the metre for comic effect, but I'm sure I've done it without realising plenty of times. I had at one stage planned to have everyone but Harmony talking in proper Shakespearean language, and her in her usual valleygirl ditz daze, but 'I am slow of study' was too tempting. I'm making fun of the Angel/Cordy romance affectionately (sooner or later I make fun of everything, myself included). And I can't remember now what possessed me to have Larry cast himself as Fred, in fact I can't remember doing it at all - but now that I think of it, it's a pretty strange image. But Angel, Cordy, Skip, Connor and Big Metal Box are the only parts that will be shown during Act V. As for Jonathan playing Angel - well, he's Super-Jonathan, in his own mind at least.

Willow & Tara's A Midsummer Night's Dream



Author: Chris Cook

Rating: PG

Summary: To escape the law of Monte Athena, Willow and Tara flee into the forest - on a Midsummer's eve when fairies are about.

Spoilers: Pretty much nothing.

Copyright: Based on characters from 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer', created by Joss Whedon and his talented minionators, and 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' by William Shakespeare. All original material - and there ain't a hell of a lot - is copyright 2003 Chris Cook.



--

Act III, Scene I:



The Wood. The Queen-Regent of Fairies lying asleep.



[Enter LARRY, HARMONY, JONATHAN, DEVON, MICHAEL and SCOTT.]



Jonathan: Are we all met?



Larry: Pat, pat; and here's a marvellous convenient place for our rehearsal. This green plot shall be our stage, this hawthorn brake our tiring-house; and we will do it in action, as we will do it before the duke.



Jonathan: Larry Blaisdell,-



Larry: What say'st thou, Jonathan?



Jonathan: There are things in this comedy of Angel and Cordelia that will never please. First, Angel must assume a demonic visage, in madness, as he is sealed in his watery grave; which the ladies cannot abide. How answer you that?



Michael: Which ladies are we worried about?



Jonathan: Well, the duchess, for instance.



Michael: Did not she destroy Moloch the deceiver some years ago?



Scott: I have heard that tale also.



Jonathan: Well, perhaps she's mellowed out a bit since then.



Harmony: Perhaps we could omit that Angel is a vampire?



Jonathan: Not a whit; I have a device to make all well. Write me a prologue; and let the prologue seem to say, we will do no harm with our play, and no creature of true demonic nature shall be allowed to enter the house of the duke by our leave; and for the more better assurance, tell them that I Angel and not Angel, but Jonathan the amazing; this will put them out of fear.



Devon: The amazing?



Michael: Don't ask.



Larry: Well, we shall have such a prologue; and it shall be written in eight and six.



Jonathan: No, make it two more; let it be written in eight and eight.



Harmony: What's the difference?



Scott: Two lines.



Harmony: Hey! I knew that, I mean,-



Michael: Will not the ladies be afraid of Skip?



Scott: Played by Harmony?



Jonathan: Masters, you ought to consider with yourselves; to bring in, God shield us, an ethereal warrior among ladies is a most dreadful thing; for there is not a more fearful creature than such warriors living; and we ought to look to it.



Michael: Therefore another prologue must tell she is not really Skip.



Jonathan: Nay, you must name her name,-



Scott: Must we?



Jonathan: - and half her face must be seen through the mask depicting Skip; and she herself must speak though, saying thus, or to the same defect, - "Ladies," or "Fair Ladies! I would wish you, or, I would request you, or, I would entreat you, not to fear, not to tremble; my life for yours. If you think I come hither as a warrior, it were pity of my life. No, I am no such thing; I am a mortal as other players are;" - and there, indeed, let her name her name, and tell them plainly she is Harmony the groupie.



Harmony: I am an *actor*!



Larry: I fear I will regret giving Harmony anything to say... Well, it shall be so. But there is two hard things; that is, to bring the moonlight into a chamber; for, you know, Angel and Cordelia meet by moonlight.



Harmony: Does the moon shine the night we play our play?



Jonathan: She may be on to something; a calendar! Look in the almanack; find out moonshine.



Larry: Yes, it doth shine that night.



Jonathan: Why, then we may arrange a series of mirrors, so that the moonlight, caught by a lens affixed to the roof, should shine down the chimney-pipe, through the kitchens, beneath the tables in the great hall, around the stage through a series or reflections,-



Devon: How about we leave a window open?



Jonathan: Or, indeed, we may leave a casement of the great chamber-window, where we play, open; and the moon may shine in.



Larry: Then, there is another thing; we must have a ship in the great chamber; for Angel doth meet his doom on the sea's bed from the deck of a ship, says the story.



Harmony: We can't bring in a ship, can we?



Jonathan: No, Harmony, we can't. Some man or other must present ship; and let him have some wood, or some sail-cloth, or some rope rigging about him, to signify ship; or let him hold his arms thus, to indicate mast and deck, and from there may Angel be dispatched.



Larry: If that may be so, then all is well. Come, sit down, every mother's child, and rehearse your parts. Angel, you begin; when you have spoken your speech, enter into that brake; and so every one according to their cue.



[Enter DAWN, invisible to the players.]



Dawn: What hempen homespuns have we swaggering here,

So near the cradle of the fairy regent?

What, a play toward! I'll be an auditor;

An actor too, perhaps, if I see cause.



Larry: Speak, Angel. - Cordelia, stand forth.



Jonathan (Angel): Cordelia, the flowers of odious savours sweet,



Larry: Odours, odours!



Jonathan (Angel): - odours savours sweet;

So doth thy breath, my dearest Cordelia dear. -

But hark, a voice! Stay thou but here awhile,

And by and by I will to thee appear.



[Exit Jonathan.]



Dawn: A stranger Angel than e'er played here!



[Exit Dawn.]



Devon (Cordelia): Must I speak now?



Larry: Aye, marry, must you; for you must understand he goes but to see a noise that he heard, and is to come again.



Devon (Cordelia): Most radiant Angel, most lily white of hue,

Of colour like the red rose on triumphant brier,

Most brisky juvenal, and eke most lovely vampire,

As true as truest horse, that yet would never tire,

I'll meet thee, Angel, on Verruca beach.



Larry: Verona beach, man; why, you must not speak that yet; that you answer to Angel. You speak all your part at once, cues and all. - Angel enters; your cue is past; it is, 'never tire'.



[Re-enter Dawn, and Jonathan, who now appears as a Fyarl demon.]



Devon (Cordelia): O, - as true as truest horse, that yet would never tire.



Jonathan (Angel): If I were fair, Cordelia, I were only thine; -



[When Jonathan speaks, the Players, being only mortal, hear monstrous Fyarl language.]



Larry: O monstrous! O strange! We are haunted! Pray, masters; fly, masters! - Help!



[Exeunt Players.]



Dawn: I'll follow you; I'll lead you about a round,

Through bog, through bush, through brake, through brier;

Sometime a horse I'll be, sometime a hound,

A hog, a headless bear, sometime a fire;

Ane neigh, and bark, and grunt, and roar, and burn,

Like horse, hound, hog, bear, fire, at every turn.



[Exit Dawn.]



Jonathan: Why do they run away? This is a knavery of them to make me afeard. I see their knavery; this is to make an ass of me; to fright me, if they could. But will not stir from this place, do what they can; I will walk up and down here, and I will sing, that they shall hear I am not afraid.



[Jonathan sings, in the manner of a Fyarl, which is less than melodious.]



Faith: What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?

I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again;

Mine ear is enamour'd of thy note.

So is mine eye enthralled to thy shape;

And thy fair virtue's force perforce doth move me,

On the first view, to say, I swear, I love thee.



Jonathan: Methinks, mistress, you should have little reason for that; and yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together now-a-days; the more the pity that some honest neighbours will not make them friends.



Faith: Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful.



Jonathan: Not so, neither; but if I had wit enough to get out of this wood, I have enough to serve mine own turn.



Faith: Out of this wood do not desire to go;

Thou shalt remain here whether thou wilt or no.

[Faith takes Jonathan by the neck.]

Agreed?



Jonathan: Yes ma'am.



Faith: [Releasing him.]

I am a spirit of no common rate, -

The summer still doth tend upon my state;

And I do love thee; therefore, go with me,

I'll give thee fairies to attend on thee;

And they shall fetch thee jewels from the deep,

And sing, while thou no pressed flowers dost sleep;

And I will purge thy mortal grossness so

That thou shalt like an airy spirit go. -

Eve! Violet! Rona! And Chloe!



[Enter four Fairies.]



Eve: Ready.



Violet: And I.



Rona: And I.



Chloe: Where shalt we go?



Faith: Be kind and courteous to this gentle-man;

Hop in his walks and gambol in his eyes;

Feed him with apricots and dewberries,

With purple grapes, green figs, and mulberries;

The honey bags steal from the humble-bees,

And, for night-tapers, crop their waxen thighs,

And light them at the fiery glow-worm's eyes,

To have my love to bed and to arise;

And pluck the wings from painted butterflies,

To fan the moonbeams from his sleeping eyes;

Nod to him, elves, and do him courtesies.



[The Fairies regard the Fyarl, exchange glances, and shrug.]



Eve: Hail, mortal!



Fairies: Hail!



Faith: Come, wait upon him; lead him to my bower.

The moon, methinks, looks with a watery eye;

Lamenting some enforced chastity.

Tie up my love's...

[She thinks a moment.]

...tongue, bring him silently.



[Exeunt.]

Once again, Artemis, I so enjoyed these scenes. One of the things that crack me up the most is when one character waxes very eloquent and flowery, and the next speaker indicates her utter lack of being impressed; e.g., the fairies shrugging after Faith gives them such overwrought orders for the ass/Fyarl demon.



Also loved Willow's observation that all of the bosom-talk wasn't exactly making her sleepy; as well as Anya's initial reaction that she was "flattered, maybe a little curious."



Great work, Artemis.

Mary

AntigoneUnbound: Thanks Yeah, all that bosom-talk changes the tone somewhat now that Lysander's got a bosom to speak of. Anya's line, though, was lifted directly from The Simpsons - Homer thinking Mr Burns is hitting on him, one of my favourite reactions.

Willow & Tara's A Midsummer Night's Dream



Author: Chris Cook

Rating: PG

Summary: To escape the law of Monte Athena, Willow and Tara flee into the forest - on a Midsummer's eve when fairies are about.

Spoilers: Pretty much nothing.

Copyright: Based on characters from 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer', created by Joss Whedon and his talented minionators, and 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' by William Shakespeare. All original material - and there ain't a hell of a lot - is copyright 2003 Chris Cook.

Feedback: Please. Here, or to alia@netspace.net.au



--

Act III, Scene II:



Another part of the Wood.



[Enter BUFFY.]



Buffy: I wonder if Faith be awak'd;

Then what it was that next came to her sight,

Which she must dote on in extremity.

[Enter DAWN.]

Here comes my messenger. - How now, mad spirit?

What night-rule now about this haunted grove?



Dawn: Thy lady with a monster is in love.

Near to her close and consecrated bower,

While she was in her dull and sleeping hour,

A crew of patches, rude mechanicals,

That work for bread upon Athenian stalls,

Were met together to rehearse a play

Intended for great Giles' nuptial day.

The shallowest thickskin of that barren sort

Who Angel presented in their sport,

Forsook his scene and enter'd in a brake;

When I did him at this advantage take,

A Fyarl Demon's aspect I fixed on his person;

Anon, his Cordelia must be answered,

And forth my mimic comes. When they him spy,

As wild geese that the creeping fowler eye,

Or russet-pated choughs, many in sort,

Rising and cawing at the gun's report,

Sever themselves, and madly sweep the sky,

So at his sight away his fellow fly;

And at our stamp here o'er and o'er one falls;

He murder cries, and help from Athens calls.

Their sense, thus weak, lost with their fears, thus strong,

Made senseless things begin to do them wrong;

For briers and thorns at their apparel snatch;

Some sleeves, some hats; from yielders all things catch.

I led them on in this distracted fear,

And left sweet Angel translated there;

When in that moment, - so it came to pass, -

Faith wak'd, and straightaway lov'd the ass.



Buffy: When thou say'st 'loved'...



Dawn: I would not have my lady jealous of such a thing;

So chose I a Fyarl, for their lack of...

[She coughs.]

...'adornment'.



Buffy: This falls out better than I could devise.

But hast thou yet latch'd the Athenian's eyes

With the love-juice, as I did bid thee do?



Dawn: I took her sleeping, - that is finish'd too, -

And the Athenian woman by her side;

That, when she wak'd, of force she must be eye'd.



Buffy: Good work, my fairy, all is... say'st thou 'she'?

[Enter XANDER and WILLOW.]

Stand close; this is the same Athenian.



Dawn: This is the woman, but the man I know not.



Buffy: Dawn?



Dawn: My lady?



Buffy: Thou art in *so* much trouble...



Xander: O, why rebuke you him that loves you

Lay breath so bitter on your bitter foe?



Willow: Now I but chide, but I should use thee worse;

For thou, I fear, hast given me cause to curse.

If thou hast harmed Tara in her sleep, -



Xander: Who did the what now?



Willow: - Being o'er shoes in blood, plunge in the deep,

And kill me too.

The sun was not so true unto the day

As she to me; would she have stol'n away

From sleeping Willow? I'll believe as soon

This whole earth may be bor'd; and that the moon

May through the centre creep, and so displease

Her brother's noontides with the antipodes,

And should I not find Tara darn soon I'll make it happen!



[Xander cringes.]



Xander: You piece me through the heart with your stern cruelty;

Yet you, in so doing, look as bright, as clear,

As yonder Venus in her glimmering sphere.



Willow: What's this to my Tara? Where is she?

Ah, good Xander, wilt thou give her to me?



Xander: Well, it wouldn't be my first choice, -



Willow: Out, dog! Out, cur! Thou driv'st me past the bounds

Of maiden's patience. Hast thou harmed her, then?

Henceforth be never number'd among men!



Xander: You spend your passion on a mispris'd mood;

I am not guilty of Tara's absence;

Nor is she harm'd, for aught that I can tell.



Willow: I pray thee, tell me, then, that she is well.



Xander: And if I could, what should I get therefore?



Willow: How about not having to use a mouse-wheel to keep fit for the rest of your life?



[Exit Willow.]



Xander: There is no following her in this fierce vein;

Here, therefore, for awhile I will remain.

So sorrow's heaviness doth heavier grow

For debt that bankrupt sleep doth sorrow owe;

Which now in some light measure it will pay,

If for his tender here I make some stay.



[He lies down.]



Buffy: What hast thou done? Thou hast mistaken quite,

And laid the love-juice on some true-love's sight!

Of thy misprison must perforce ensue

Some true-love turn'd, and not a false turn'd true.



Dawn: Then fate o'er-rules, that, one man

A million fail, confounding oath on oath.



Buffy: About the wood go, swifter than the wind,

And Anya of Athens look thou find;

All fancy-sick she is, and pale of cheer,

With sighs of love, that cost the fresh blood dear.

By some illusion see thou bring her here;

I'll charm his eyes against she do appear.



Dawn: I go, I go; look how I go, -

Swifter than arrow from the Tartar's bow.



Buffy: Dawnie... don't make me kick your fairy butt.



Dawn: I'm going!



[Exit Dawn, hurriedly.]



Buffy: Flower of this purple dye,

Hit with Cupid's archery,

Sink in apple of his eye!

When his love he doth espy,

Let her shine as gloriously

As the Venus of the sky. -

When thou wak'st, if she be by,

Beg of her for remedy.



[Re-enter Dawn.]



Dawn: Captain of our fairy band,

Anya of Athens is here at hand,

And the youth mistook by me

Pleading for a lover's fee;

Shall we their fond pageant see?

Lady, what fools these mortals be!



Buffy: And whose fault is that?

Stand aside; the noise they make

Will cause Xander to awake.



Dawn: Um...



Buffy: What?



Dawn: The youth who follows Anya...



Buffy: Yes?



Dawn: Is a lady too.



[Enter TARA and ANYA.]



Tara: Why should you think that I should woo in scorn?

Scorn and derision never come in tears.

Look, when I vow, I weep; and vows so born,

In their nativity all truth appears.



Dawn: So, if Xander doth see both ladies at once...



[Buffy slaps her forehead, glares at Dawn, and rolls up her sleeves.]



Buffy: All is well; I have a plan.



Dawn: My lady?



Buffy: Get her!



Tara: How can these things in me seem scorn to you,

Bearing the badge of faith, to prove them true?



Anya: You do advance your cunning more and more.

When truth kills truth, O devilish-holy fray!

[Buffy and Dawn grab Tara and haul her into the bushes.]

These vows are Willow's; will you give her o'er?

Weigh oath with oath and you will nothing weigh;

Your vows to her and me, put in two scales,

Will even weigh; and both as light as tales.

[She looks around.]

Tara?



[Xander awakes.]



Xander: O Anya, goddess, nymph, perfect, divine!



Anya: Now that's more like it.



Xander: To what, my love, shall I compare thine eyne?

Crystal is muddy. O, how ripe in show

Thy lips, those kissing cherries, tempting grow!



[Anya grows suspicious.]



Anya: Wait a minute...



Xander: That pure congealed white, high Taurus' snow,

Fann'd with the eastern wind, turns to a crow

When thou hold'st up thy hand; O let me kiss

This princess of pure white, this seal of bliss!



Anya: O spite! O hell! I see you are all bent

To set against me for your merriment.

If you were civil, and knew courtesy,

You would not do me thus much injury.

Can you not hate me, as I know you do,

But you must join in souls to mock me too?

If you were good, as good you are in show,

You would not use a gentle lady so;

To vow, and swear, and superpraise my parts,



Xander: Hey, I never had a problem with your parts.



Anya: When I am sure you hate me with your hearts.

You both are rivals, and love Willow;

And now both rivals, to mock Anya;

A trim exploit, a manly enterprise,

To conjure tears up in a poor maid's eyes

With your derision! None of noble sort

Would so offend a virgin- well, a lady, and extort

A poor soul's patience, all to make you sport.



[Seeing Xander awake and besotted by Anya, Buffy and Dawn let Tara go.]



Tara: What happen'd here? Xander?



Xander: Tara, keep thy Willow; I will

If e'er I lov'd her, all that love is past.

My heart with her but as a guest-wise sojourn'd;

And now to Anya is it home return'd.

There to remain.



Tara: Anya? It is not so.



Xander: Disparage not the faith thou dost not know,

Lest, to thy peril, thou aby it dear. -

Look where thy love comes; yonder is thy dear.



[Enter Willow.]



Willow: Dark night, that from the eye his function takes,

The ear more quick of apprehension makes;

Wherein it doth impair the seeing sense,

It pays the hearing double recompense; -

Mine ear, I thank it, brought me to thy sound.

But why unkindly didst thou leave me so?



Tara: Why should she stay when... love... I do not know...



Willow: What could press Tara from my side?



Tara: Tara's love, so I thought, did draw her away,

Yet the sight of thine eyes would have me stay.

Beneath my bosom lie two hearts, it seems;

One that I think loves thee still;

Yet another that came'st to me as from a dream,

And to Anya doth entreat me turn my will.



Willow: You speak not as you think; it cannot be.



Anya: Lo, she is one of this confederacy!

Now I perceive they have conjoin'd all three

To fashion this false sport in spite of me.

Injurious Willow! Most ungrateful maid!

Have you conspir'd, have you with these contriv'd

To bait me with this foul derision?

Is all the counsel that we two have shar'd,

The sister's vows, the hours that we have spent,

When we have chid the hasty-footed time

For parting us, - O, is all forgot?

All school-days' friendship, childhood innocence?

And will you rent our ancient love asunder,

To join with men in scorning your poor friend?

It is not friendly, 'tis not maidenly;

Our sex, as well as I, may chide you for it,

Though I alone do feel the injury.



Willow: I am amazed at your passionate words;

I scorn you not; it seems that you scorn me.



Anya: Have you not sent Tara, as in scorn,

To follow me, and praise my eyes and face?

And made your other love, Xander, -

Who even but now did spurn me from his side, -

To call me goddess, nymph, divine, and rare,

Precious, celestial? Wherefore speaks he this

To her he hates? And wherefore doth Tara

Deny your love, so rich within her soul,

And tender me, forsooth, affection,

But by your setting on, by your consent?

For I know, Willow, no power of mortal thought

Could her love for you distort.

[Buffy glares at Dawn.]

What though I be not so in grace as you,

So hung upon with love, so fortunate;

But miserable most, to love unlov'd?

This you should pity, rather than despise.



Willow: I understand not what you mean by this.



Anya: Ay, do perséver, counterfeit sad looks,

Make mows upon me when I turn my back;

Wink at each other; hold the sweet jest up;

This sport, well carried, shall be chronicled.

If you have any pity, grace, or manners,

You would not make me such an argument.

But, fare ye well; 'tis partly mine own fault;

Which death, or absence, soon shall remedy.



Xander: Stay, gentle Anya; hear my excuse;

My love, my life, my soul, fair Anya!



Anya: O excellent!



Willow: Xander, do not scorn her so.



Anya: Have you no modesty, no maiden shame,

No touch of bashfulness? What! Will you tear

Impatient answers from my gentle tongue?

Fie, fie! You counterfeit, you puppet, you!



Willow: Puppet! Why so? Ay, that way goes the game.

Now I perceive that she hath made compare

Between our statures; she hath urg'd her height;

And with her personage, her tall personage,

Her height, forsooth, she hath prevail'd with her. -

And are you grown so high in her esteem

Because I am so dwarfish and so low?

How low am I, thou painted maypole? Speak;

How low am I? I am not yet so low

But that my nails can reach into thine eyes!



[Willow tackles Anya. Both fall into a pool of mud, and fight.]



Anya: Get you gone, you dwarf; you bead, you acorn;

You minimus, of hind'ring knot-grass made!



Tara: I'm so confused.



Xander: Myself also. But hey! Mud-wrestling!



[Xander sits on a log and watches. Anya crawls out of the pool and shoves Willow away.]



Anya: I will not trust you! I;

Not longer stay in your curst company.

Your hands than mine are quicker for a fray;

My legs are longer though, to run away.



[Exit Anya.]



Willow: I am amaz'd, and know not what to say.



[Exit Willow, pursuing Anya, and Tara and Xander, pursuing Willow.]



Buffy: This is thy negligence; still thou mistak'st,

Or else commit'st thy knaveries wilfully.



Dawn: Believe me, queen of shadows, I mistook.

Did you not tell me I should know the youth

By the Athenian garments? And so I did;

And so far blameless proves my enterprise,

That I have 'nointed an Athenian's eyes.



Buffy: If you weren't my sister...

Tou seest these lovers seek a place to fight;

Hie therefore, Dawnie, overcast the night;

The starry welkin cover thou anon

With drooping fog, as black as Acheron

And lead these testy rivals so astray,

As one come not within another's way.

And from each other look thou lead them away,

Till o'er their brows come a peaceful sleep

With leaden legs and batty wings to creep;

Then crush this herb into Tara's - Tara's! - eye;

Whose liquor hath this virtuous property,

To take from thence all error with his might,

And make her eyeballs roll with wonted sight.

When they next wake, all this derision

Shall seem a dream and fruitless vision;

And back to Athens shall the lovers wend,

With league whose date till death shall never end.

Whiles I in this affair do thee employ,

I'll to my queen, and beg her pointy toy;

And then I will her charmed eye release

From monster's view, and all things shall be peace.

Go!



[Dawn hurries away, and casts a dark fog over the wood. She leads the lovers round about until they fall asleep, close by each other yet hidden by fog.]



Dawn: On the ground

Sleep sound;

I'll apply

To your eye,

Gentle lover, remedy.

[Squeezing the flower on Tara's eyes.]

When thou wak'st,

Thou tak'st

True delight

In the sight

Of thy former lady's eye;



[Exit Dawn. Tara, Willow, Xander and Anya sleep.]

Willow & Tara's A Midsummer Night's Dream



Author: Chris Cook

Rating: PG

Summary: To escape the law of Monte Athena, Willow and Tara flee into the forest - on a Midsummer's eve when fairies are about.

Spoilers: Pretty much nothing.

Copyright: Based on characters from 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer', created by Joss Whedon and his talented minionators, and 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' by William Shakespeare. All original material - and there ain't a hell of a lot - is copyright 2003 Chris Cook.

Feedback: Please. Here, or to alia@netspace.net.au



--

SCENE, - The Town of MONTE ATHENA in Tuscany, and a Wood not far from it.

--



Act IV, Scene I:



Scene: The Wood.



[Enter FAITH and Fyarl JONATHAN, Fairies attending; BUFFY behind, unseen.]



Faith: Come, sit thee down upon this flowery bed,

While I thy amiable cheeks do coy,

And stick musk-roses in thy sleek smooth head,

And kiss thy armoured ears, my gentle joy.



Jonathan: Where's Eve?



Eve: Ready.



Jonathan: Scratch my head, Eve. - Where's lady Violet?



Violet: Ready.



Jonathan: Violet, good lady, get your weapons in your hand and hunt me a red-hipped humble-bee on the top of a thistle; and, good lady, bring me the honey-bag. Do not fret yourself too much in the action, lady; and good lady, have a care the honey-bag break not; I would be loath to have you over-flown with honey.



[Violet pulls a face when Jonathan is not looking, and stomps off.]



Faith: Wilt thou hear some music, my sweet love?



Jonathan: I have a reasonable good ear in music; let us have the tongs and the bones.



Faith: Or say, sweet love, what thou desir'st to eat.



Jonathan: Truly... the bones of mortals and lesser demons would not go astray. Methinks I have a great desire to rampage about destroying the world of men. Odd that I should think so.



Faith: Sleep thou, and I will wind thee in my arms.

Fairies, be gone, and be all ways away.

So doth the woodbine the sweet honeysuckle

Gently entwist, - the female ivy so

Enrings the barky fingers of the elm.

O, how I love thee! How I dote on thee!



[They sleep. Buffy advances. Enter DAWN.]



Buffy: Welcome, good Dawn. Seest thou this sweet sight?

Her dotage not I do begin to pity.

For, meeting her of late behind the wood,

Seeking sweet savours for this hateful fool,

I did upbraid her, and fall out with her;

For she his carapaced temples then had rounded

With coronet of fresh and fragrant flowers;

And that same dew, which sometime on the buds

Was wont to smell like round and orient pearle,

Stood now within the pretty flow'rets' eyes,

Like tears that did their own disgrace bewail.

When I had, at my pleasure, taunted her,

And she, in mild terms, begg'd my patience,

I then did ask of her her beloved stake;

Which straight she gave to me, and her fairy sent

To bear it to my bower in fairy-land.

And now I have Mr Pointy, yet I feel no joy

In this victory of mine. I will undo

This hateful imperfection of her eyes.

And, gentle Dawn, take this transformed skin

From off the form of this Athenian swain;

That he awaking when the other do,

May all to Athens back again repair,

And think no more of this night's accidents

But as the fierce vexation of a dream.

But first I will release my fairy queen.

Be as thou wast wont to be;

[Touching her eyes with an herb.]

See as thou wast wont to see;

Dian's bud o'er Cupid's flower

Hath such force and blessed power.

Now, my Faith; wake you, my sweet regent.



Faith: My Buffy! What visions have I seen!

Methought I was enamour'd of a demon.



Buffy: There lies your love.



Faith: How came these things to pass?

O, how mine eyes do loathe his visage now!



Buffy: Silence awhile. - Dawn, take off this creature's mask.

Faith, music call; and strike more dead

Than common sleep, of all these five, the sense.



Faith: Music, ho! Music; such as charmeth sleep.



Dawn: Now, when thou wak'st, with thine own fool's eyes peep.



Buffy: Come, my queen, take hands with me,

And rock the ground whereon these sleepers be.

Now thou and I are new in amity,

And will to-morrow midnight solemnly

Dance in Duke Giles' house triumphantly,

And bless it to all fair posterity;

There shall the pairs of faithful lovers be

Wedded, with Giles, all in jollity.



Dawn: Fairy queen, attend and mark;

I do hear the morning lark.



Buffy: Then, my regent, in silence sad,

Trip we after the night's shade;

We the globe can compass soon,

Swifter than the wand'ring moon.



Faith: Come, my lady; and in our flight,

Tell me how it came this night

That I sleeping here was found,

With these mortals on the ground.



Buffy: I fear if I tell to much I'll get my butt kicked.



Faith: As if you'd have it any other way.



[Exeunt. Horns sound. Enter GILES, JENNY, IRA and Attendants.]



Giles: Go, one of you, find out the forester; -

For now our observation is perform'd;

And since we have the vaward of the day,

My love shall hear the music of the hounds, -

Uncouple in the western valley; go; -

Despatch, I say, and find the forester. -

We will, fair queen, up to the mountain's top,

And mark the musical confusion

Of hounds and echo in conjunction.

[Jenny pointedly ignores.]

My hounds are bred out of the Spartan kind,

So flew'd, so sanded; and their heads are hung -

[Jenny spurs her horse and rides off to the wood's edge.]

- Indeed.



[More horns sound. Giles is called over to the wood's edge, where Ira has found something covered in a drift of leaves.]



Giles: What nymphs are these?



Ira: My lord, this is my daughter Willow asleep;

And this Tara;

[He looks elsewhere.]

This Xander is;

This Anya, old D'Hoffryn's Anya;

I wonder of their being here together.



Giles: No doubt, they rose up early to observe

The rite of May; and, hearing our intent,

Came here in grace of our solemnity, -

But speak, Ira; is not this the day

That Willow should give answer of her choice?



Ira: It is, my lord.



Giles: Go, bid the huntsmen wake them.



[Horns and shouts. Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya awake and start up.]



Giles: Good-morrow, friends. Saint Valentine is past;

Begin these wood-birds but to couple now?



Tara: P-pardon, my lord.

[To Willow.]

Where are my clothes?



Giles: I pray you all, stand up.



[There is a hurried putting-on of shirts and skirts, except for Anya who doesn't bother.]



Xander: Ahn!



Anya: What? Oh, all right.



[She steals Xander's shirt and puts it on.]



Giles: I know you two are rival enemies;

How comes this gentle concord in the world,

That hatred is so far from jealousy

To sleep mere metres apart, and fear no enmity?



Tara: My lord, I shall reply amazedly,

Half 'sleep, half waking; but as yet, I swear,

I cannot truly say how I came here;

But, as I think, - for truly would I speak -

And now I do bethink me, so it is, -

I came with Willow hither; our intent

Was to be gone from Athens, where we might be

Without the peril of Athenian law.



Ira: Enough, enough, my lord; you have enough;

I beg the law, the law upon her head. -

They would have stol'n away, they would, Xander,

Thereby to have defeated you and me;

You of your wife, and me of my consent, -

Of my consent that she should be your wife.



Giles: Ira, do shut up.



Xander: My lord, fair Anya told me of their stealth,

Of this their purpose hither to this wood;

And I in fury hither follow's them,

Fair Anya in fancy following me.

But, my good lord, I wot not by what power, -

But by some power it is, - my love to Willow

Melted as doth the snow - seems to me now

As the remembrances of an idle gawd

Which in my childhood I did dote upon;

And all the faith, the virtue of my heart,

The object and pleasure of mine eye,

Is only Anya. To her, my lord,

Was I betroth'd ere I saw Willow;

But, like in sickness, did I loathe this food;

But, as in health, come to my natural taste,

Now do I wish it, love it, long for it,

And will for evermore be true to it.



Giles: Fair lovers, you are fortunately met;

Of this discourse we more will hear anon, -

Ira, I will overbear your will;

[Jenny perks up.]

For in the temple, by and by with us,

These couples shall eternally be knit.

And, for the morning now is something worn,

Our purpos'd hunting shall be set aside, -

Away with us to Athens three and three,

We'll hold a feast in great solemnity. -

Come, Jenny.



[Jenny and Giles kiss, and ride off together. Ira follows, annoyed.]



Xander: These things seem small and undistinguishable,

Like far-off mountains turned into clouds.



Willow: Methinks I see these things with parted eye,

When everything seems doable.



Anya: So methinks;

And I have found Xander like a jewel.

Mine own, as I had dream'd.



Xander: It seems to me

That yet we sleep, we dream. - Do you not think

The duke was here, and bid us follow him?



Willow: Yea, and my father.



Anya: And Miss Calendar.



Tara: And he did bid us follow to the temple.



Xander: Why, then, we are awake; let's follow him then.



[Exeunt. As they go out, JONATHAN awakes.]



Jonathan: When my cue comes, call me, and I will answer; - my next is, Most fair Angel. - Heigh-ho! - Larry Blaisdell! Devon, the lead singer! Michael the Wicca guy? Scott? God's my life, stolen hence, and left me asleep! I have had a most rare vision. I have had a dream - past the wit of man to say what dream it was. - Man is but a creature if he go about to expound this dream. Methought I was - there is no man can tell what. But man is a parched fool, if he will offer to say what methought I was. The eye of man hath not heard, the ear of man hath not seen; man's hand is not able to taste, his tongue to conceive, not his heart to report what my dream was. I will go to Larry Blaisdell to write a ballad of this dream, that Devon may sing it, perhaps before the duke; it shall be called... Jonathan's Dream, because an unassuming title befits it best.



[Exit.]

When I first stumbled upon this fic, I didn't know what to think, Buffy and the Bard??? But, it's simply wonderful! I love the way you've made the original play work with these characters... and the breaks into modern English are sooooooooo funny!! Keep up the good work!



~Chums

*holds head* Oh, gosh, I'm back in jr. high. No, Mr. Kallio! No more essays! NO MORE NO MORE! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!



Ignore my Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder.



Good fanfic. Worth the Shakespeare lectures.

Thanks all



chumsleyistheman: Actually the characters fit pretty well without much help from me. Particularly Anya, because she's already slightly batty, just like Helena. And of course Dawn as Puck.



LiangFeng: I know the feeling, but in my case it was the opposite - everything we did in high school *except* Shakespeare was a chore. I don't know what it is about Australian literature - there's plenty of good examples, but they never make it onto the school reading lists.

Willow & Tara's A Midsummer Night's Dream



Author: Chris Cook

Rating: PG

Summary: To escape the law of Monte Athena, Willow and Tara flee into the forest - on a Midsummer's eve when fairies are about.

Spoilers: Pretty much nothing.

Copyright: Based on characters from 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer', created by Joss Whedon and his talented minionators, and 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' by William Shakespeare. All original material - and there ain't a hell of a lot - is copyright 2003 Chris Cook.

Feedback: Please. Here, or to alia@netspace.net.au



--



Act IV, Scene II:



Scene: ATHENS. A Room in LARRY's House.



[Enter LARRY, DEVON, MICHAEL, and SCOTT.]



Larry: Have you sent to Jonathan's house? Is he come home yet?



Scott: He cannot be heard of. Out of doubt, he is transported.



Devon: If he come not, then... the play is marred; it goes not forward, doth it?



Larry: It is not possible; you have not a man in all Athens able to discharge Angel but he.



Devon: No; he hath simply the best wit of any handicraft man in Athens.



Larry: Yes, and the best person too; and he is a very paramour for a sweet voice.



Devon: You must say paragon; a paramour is, God bless us, a thing of naught.



Larry: Hey, I can dream, can't I?



[Enter HARMONY.]



Harmony: Masters, the duke is coming from the temple; and there is two or three lords and ladies more married! If our sport had gone forward we had all been made rich!



Devon: O sweet Jonathan! Thus hath he lost sixpence a-day during his life; he could not have 'scaped sixpence a-day; an the duke had not given him sixpence a-day for playing Angel, I'll be hanged; he would have deserved it; sixpence a-day in Angel, or nothing.



[Enter JONATHAN.]



Jonathan: Where are these lads? Where are these hearts?



Larry: Jonathan! - O most courageous day! O most happy hour!



Devon: It's happy hour? Dude, I should be at the bar.



Jonathan: Masters, I am to discourse wonders; but ask me not what; for if I tell you, I am no true Athenian. I will tell you everything, right as it fell out.



Larry: Let us hear, sweet Jonathan.



Jonathan: Not a word of me. All that I will tell you is, that the duke hath dined. Get your apparel together; good strings to your beards, new ribbons to your pumps; -

[Harmony checks her shoes.]

- meet presently at the palace; every man look over his part; for, the short and the long is, out play is preferred. In any case, let Cordelia have clean linen; and let not him that plays Skip pare his nails, for they shall hang out for the creature's claws. And, most dear actors, eat no onions nor garlick; for we are to utter sweet breath; and I do not doubt but to hear them say it is a sweet comedy. No more words; away! Go, away!



[Exeunt.]

Hi Artemis,



Still loving this....



Favourite lines this time;



Larry: Jonathan! - O most courageous day! O most happy hour!



Devon: It's happy hour? Dude I should be at the bar.





Can't wait to see the player's performance!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
' What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday,
and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow :
our life is the creation of our mind. ' from The Dhammapada

miss calendar: Thanks The Players are scheduled to perform... well, right about now, actually.

Willow & Tara's A Midsummer Night's Dream



Author: Chris Cook

Rating: PG

Summary: To escape the law of Monte Athena, Willow and Tara flee into the forest - on a Midsummer's eve when fairies are about.

Spoilers: Pretty much nothing.

Copyright: Based on characters from 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer', created by Joss Whedon and his talented minionators, and 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' by William Shakespeare. All original material - and there ain't a hell of a lot - is copyright 2003 Chris Cook.

Feedback: Please. Here, or to alia@netspace.net.au



--

SCENE, - The Town of MONTE ATHENA in Tuscany, and a Wood not far from it.

--



Act V, Scene I:



ATHENS. An Apartment in the Palace of GILES.



[Enter GILES, JENNY, WESLEY, Lords and Attendants.]



Jenny: 'Tis strange, my Giles, that these lovers speak of.



Giles: More strange than true. I never may believe

These antique fables, nor these fairy toys.

Lovers and madmen have such seething brains,

Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend

More than cool reason ever comprehends.

The lunatic, the lover, and the poet

Are of imagination all compact;

One sees more demons than all hells can hold;

That is the madman; the lover, all as frantic,

Sees Helen's beauty in a brow of Egypt;

The poet's eye, in a fine frenzy rolling,

Doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven,

And, as imagination bodies forth

The forms of things unknown, the poet's pen

Turns them to shapes, and gives to airy nothing

A local habitation and a name.

Such tricks hath strong imagination,

That, if it would but apprehend some joy,

It comprehends some bringer of that joy;

Or in the night, imagining some fear,

How easy is a bush supposed a bear?



Jenny: But all the story of the night told over,

And all their minds transfigur'd so together,

More witnesseth than fancy's images,

And grows to something of great constancy;

But, howsoever, strange and admirable.



[Enter TARA, XANDER, WILLOW and ANYA.]



Giles: Here come the lovers, full of joy and mirth. -

Joy, gentle friends! Joy and fresh days of love

Accompany your hearts!



Tara: More than to us,

Joy wait upon your royal walks, your board -



Anya: And your bed.



Giles: Come now; what masques, what dances shall we have,

To wear away this long age of three hours

Between our after-supper and bed-time?

Where is our usual manager of mirth?

What revels are in hand? Is there no play,

To ease the anguish of a torturing hour?

Call Wesley.



Wesley: Here, mighty Giles.



Giles: Say, what abridgment have you for this evening?

What masque? What music? How shall we beguile

The lazy time, if not with some delight?



[Xander clamps a hand over Anya's mouth before she can speak.]



Wesley: There is a brief how many sports are ripe;

Make choice of which your highness will see first.

[Giving a paper.]



Giles: [Reads.]

The battle with the Hound of the Baskervilles, to be sung

By an Irish half-demon to the harp.

We'll none of that; that I have told my love,

In glory of my kinsman Sherlock Holmes.

The riot of the tipsy Bacchanals,

Tearing the Thracian singer in their rage.

That is an old device, and it was play'd

When I from Rome came last a conquerer,

The thrice-three Muses mourning for the death

Of learning, late deceas'd in beggary.

That is some satire, keen and critical,

Not sorting with a nuptial ceremony.

A tedious brief scene of heroic Angel,

And his love Cordelia; very tragical mirth.

Merry and tragical! Tedious and brief!

That is, hot ice and wondrous strange snow.

How shall we find the concord of this discord?



Wesley: A play there is, my lord, some ten words long,

Which is as brief as I have known a play;

But by ten words, my lord, it is too long,

Which makes it tedious; for in all the play

There is not one word apt, one player fitted;

And tragical, my noble lord, it is;

For Angel therein doth become entomb'd;

Which when I saw rehears'd, I must confess,

Made mine eyes water; but more merry tears

The passion of loud laughter never shed.



Giles: What are they that do play it?



Wesley: Hard-handed men that work in Athens here,

And one woman of questionable virtue,

Which never labour'd in their minds till now,

And now have toil'd their unbreath'd memories

With this same play against your nuptial.



Giles: And we will hear it.



Wesley: Good, then I shall- what? No, my noble lord,

It is not for you; I have heard it over,

And it is nothing, nothing in the world;

Unless you can find sport in their intents,

Extremely stretch'd, and conn'd with cruel pain,

To do you service.



Giles: I will hear that play;

For never anything can be amiss

When simpleness and duty tender it.

Go, bring them in; and take your places, ladies.



[Exit Wesley, muttering.]



Jenny: I love not to see wretchedness o'er-charged,

And duty in his service perishing.



Giles: Why, gentle sweet, you shall see no such thing.



Jenny: He says they can do nothing in this kind.



Giles: The kinder we, to give them thanks for nothing.

Our sport shall be to take what they mistake;

And what poor duty cannot do,

Noble respect takes it in might, not merit.

Where I have come, great clerks have purposed

To greet me with premeditated welcomes;

Where I have seen them shiver and look pale,

Make periods in the midst of sentences,

Throttle their practis'd accent in their fears,

And, in conclusion, dumbly have broken off,

Not paying me a welcome. Trust me, sweet,

Out of this silence yet I pick'd a welcome

And in the modesty of fearful duty

I read as much as from the rattling tongue

Of saucy and audacious eloquence.

Love, therefore, and tongue-tied simplicity

In least speak most to my capacity.



[Enter Wesley.]



Wesley: So please your grace, the prologue is address'd.



Giles: Let him approach.



[Flourish of trumpets. Enter LARRY as PROLOGUE.]



Prologue (haltingly): If we offend, it is with our good will.

That you should think we come not to offend

But with good will. To show our simple skill,

That is the true beginning of our end.

Consider, then, we come but in despite.

We do not come as minding to content you.

Our true intent is. All for your delight.

We are not here. That you should here repent you.

The actors are at hand; and, by their show,

You shall know all that you are like to know.



Giles: This fellow doth not stand upon points.



Tara: He hath rid his prologue like a rough colt; he knows not the stop.



Willow: Babbling, even.



Tara: Yet a good moral, my lord; it is not enough to speak, but to speak true.



Jenny: Indeed he hath played on this prologue like a child on a recorder; a sound, but not in government.



Giles: His speech was like a tangled chain, wasn't it? Nothing impaired, but all disordered. Who is next?



[Enter JONATHAN as ANGEL, DEVON as CORDELIA, HARMONY as SKIP, MICHAEL as CONNOR, and SCOTT as the GARDEN of the hotel (with a pot-plant tied to his head).]



Prologue: Gentles, perchance you wonder at this show;

But wonder on, till truth make all things plain.

This man is Angel, if you would know,

Heroic vampire endowed with human soul;

This beauteous lady Cordelia is, certain.

This man, with pot-plant attached, doth present

The garden of the hotel wherein Angel makes his home,

And in which garden, hidden from the sight of others,

He and his lady whisper, at the which let no man wonder,

And by their concealment did they seek to escape

The censure of their allies, for risking the banishment

Of Angel's soul, in the event that he and his lady did...

Embarrassed pause.]

And anyway, they shall arrange to meet at Verona Beach.

This grisly beast, which by name Skip hight,

The trusty Cordelia, coming first by night,

Did transport away, or rather did elevate;

And as she rose, so her purse she did fall;

And comes Angel, sweet youth and tall,

And finds his trusty Cordelia's mantle fallen;

Whereat in despair he is condemned by unfaithful son

To life everlasting, inescapable, at the bottom of the ocean deep,

Forever there to wait. For all the rest,

Let Skip, Connor, Garden, and lovers twain

At large discourse while here they do remain.



[Exeunt Prologue, Cordelia, Skip and Connor.]



Giles: I wonder if the creature Skip be to speak.



Xander: Don't ask me, I can't tell one demon from another.



Anya: Hey!



Xander: I didn't mean you.



[Anya allows herself to be snuggled reassuringly.]



Garden: In this same interlude it doth befall

That I, one Scott by name, present garden tall;

And such a garden as I would have you see

That had in it a secluded palm-leaved tree,

Behind which the lovers, Angel and Cordelia,

Did whisper often very secretly.

This pot-plant perched ungainly on my head doth show

That I am that same garden; the truth is so;

And this the tree's trunk is, right and sinister,

At which the fearful lovers are to whisper.



Xander: It is the wittiest garden that ever I heard discourse, my lord.



Anya: You should talk.



Giles: Angel draws near the tree; silence now.



[Enter Angel.]



Angel: O grim-look'd night! O night with hue so black!

O night, which ever art when day is not!

O night, O night, alack, alack, alack,

I fear my Cordelia's promise is forgot! -

And thou, O tree, O sweet, O lovely tree,

That stand'st between us and our colleagues' sight;

Thou tree, O tree, O sweet and lovely tree,

Show me thy fronds, to blink through with mine eyne.

[Garden ducks so Angel can see through the leaves of the pot-plant.]

Thanks, courteous tree; Jove shield thee well for this!

But what see I? No Cordelia do I see.

O wicked tree, through whom I see no bliss;

Curst be thy bark for thus deceiving me!



Giles: The tree, methinks, being sensible, should curse again.



Angel: No, in truth, sir, he should not. Deceiving me is Cordelia's cue; she is to enter now, And I am to spy her through the fronds of the tree. You shall see it will fall pat as I told you. - Yonder she comes.



[Enter Cordelia.]



Cordelia: O tree, -

[Devon's soprano is not good.]

- full often hast thou heard my moans,

For parting my fair Angel and me;

My cherry lips have often kiss'd thy bark.



Angel: I see a voice; now will I to the tree,

To spy an I can hear my Cordelia's face.

Cordelia!



Cordelia: My love! Thou art my love, I think.



Angel: Think what you will, I am thy lover's grace;

And like Limander am I trusty still.



Cordelia: And I like Helen, till the fates me kill.



Angel: Not Elizabeth to vampire James was so true.



Cordelia: As Elizabeth to James, I to you.



Angel: O, kiss me through the fronds of this vile tree.



Cordelia: I kiss the tree's fronds, not your lips at all.



Angel: Wilt thou at Veruca Beach -



Larry (offstage): Verona Beach!



Angel: Verona Beach! meet me straightaway?



Cordelia: 'Tide life, 'tide death, I come without delay.



Garden: Thus have I, garden, my tree discharged so;

And, being done, thus garden away doth go.



[Exeunt Garden, Angel and Cordelia.]



Giles: Now is the mural down between the two neighbours.



Xander: No remedy, my lord, when trees are so wilful to hear without warning.



Jenny: This is the silliest thing I ever saw.



Giles: Gachnar?



Jenny: Alright, second silliest.



Giles: Here come a noble beast, the creature Skip, and Connor.



[Enter Skip and Connor.]



Skip: You, ladies, whose gentle hearts do fear,

The smallest monstrous mouse that creeps on floor,

May now, perchance, both quake and tremble here,

[The ladies are stifling their giggles at Harmony's delivery.]

When demon rough in wildest rage doth appear.

Then know that I, one Harmony, the actress, am

A demon fell, nor else no demon's dam;

For if I should as demon come in strife

Into this place, 'twere pity of my life.



Giles: A very gentle beast, and of a good conscience.



Willow: Huh! You didn't have to go to school with the vacuous tramp.



Xander: The very best at a beast, my lord, that e'er I saw.



Tara: This demon is a fox for her courage.



Giles: True; and a goose for her discretion.



Willow: Yep, that's Harmony alright.



Xander: Not so, my lord; for her valour cannot carry her discretion; and the fox carries the goose.



Giles: Her discretion, I am sure, cannot carry her valour; for the goose carries not the fox.



Tara: What the heck are you guys talking about?



Xander: You started it.



Giles: It is well; leave it to her discretion, and let us listen to Connor.



Connor: I do the vampire-child Connor present.



Xander: Should he not be wearing fangs?



Giles: He is not a vampire himself, but a child of such.



Connor: I do the vampire-child Connor present;

Myself enrag'd at the death of my father -

He being not Angel, you see, but the man who rais'd

Me as a child, and so I call 'father' -

And whom I now mourn, and whose death

I blame on Angel, who be my true father.



Xander: Wait, who's whose father now?



Anya: Try to keep up, honey.



Tara: Proceed, Connor.



Connor: All that I have to say, is to tell you that I am Connor; this -

[Enter Scott, carrying ropes and a stick to represent the mast of a ship.]

My ship; this -

[Enter Larry painted grey, as if metal.]

My big metal box; and this dog, my dog.



[Michael's terrier is hanging off one of Scott's ropes. Enter Cordelia.]



Cordelia: This is Verucca Beach. -

[Larry looks pained.]

- Where is my love?



Skip: Yo!



[Skip throws glitter over Cordelia, then slings her over her shoulder and carries her off.]



Xander: Well perform'd, Skip.



Giles: Well ascended, Cordelia.



Jenny: Well brooded, Connor.



Giles: Well gnawed, dog.



[Cordelia drops her purse as Skip carries her off to a higher plane of existence, stage right.]



Xander: And so comes Angel.



Tara: And then the demon vanishes.



[Enter Angel.]



Angel: Sweet moon, I thank thee for thy sunny - but not too sunny! - beams;

I thank thee, moon, for shining now so bright;

For, by thy gracious, golden, glittering streams,

I trust to taste of truest Cordelia's sight.

But stay; - O spite!

But mark, - poor knight,

What dreadful dole is here!

Eyes, do you see?

How can it be?

O dainty duck! O dear!

Thy handbag good,

What! Covered in demon-glitter?

Approach, ye furies fell!

[Connor approaches.]

O fates! Come, come;

Cut thread and thrum;

Quail, rush, conclude, and quell!



Giles: This passion, and the death of a dear friend, would go near to make a man look sad.



Jenny: Beshrew my heart, but I pity the man.



Angel: O wherefore, nature, didst thou demons frame?

Since demon vile hath here deflower'd my dear; -



Xander: Did we miss a bit of the play?



Anya: He meant metaphorically.



Xander: Oh.



Angel: Which is - no, no - which was the fairest dame

That liv'd, that lov'd, that lik'd, that look'd with cheer.



Tara (quietly, to Willow): Lik'd with cheer, eh?



Willow: He mispronounced 'liked'.



Tara: Oh.



Willow: But now that you mention it...



[Tara and Willow snuggle discreetly.]



Angel: Come, tears, confound;

Out, child, and wound

The pap of Angel;

[Connor hauls Angels onto his 'ship'.]

Ay, that left pap,

Where heart doth hop; -

Well, it would, if it did hop at all

It would be just there, to the left; -

[Connor wraps Big Metal Box's arms around Angel.]

Thus die I, thus, thus, thus.

Now am I dead,

Now am I fled,

Confined for all eternity;

My soul never shall reach the sky;

Tongue, lose thy light!

Moon, take thy flight!

Now die, die, die, die, die.



[Connor pushes Big Metal Box and Angel off the ship. Exit Connor. Enter Skip, still carrying Cordelia.]



Cordelia: Swimming, my love?

What, drown'd, my dove?

O Angel, arise,



[Harmony is struggling under Devon's weight.]



Skip (sotto voce): Hurry the hell up!



Cordelis: Speak, speak. Quite dumb?

Dead, moreso? A tomb

Must cover thy sweet eyes.

[Devon is actually doing a decent job of acting.]

These lily brows,

This cherry nose,

These yellow cowslip cheeks,

Are gone, are gone;

Lovers, make moan!

His eyes were green as leeks.

O creatures from high,

Come, come to me,

With hands as pale as milk;

Lay them in gore,

Since you have shore

With shears his thread of silk.

Tongue, not a word; -

Come, trusty demon;

Come, warrior, carry me

From this earth, where I wish

No longer to dwell;

And farewell, friends; -

Thus Cordelia ends;

Adieu, adieu, adieu.



[Skip carries Cordelia away. There is a loud crash off-stage as Harmony collapses. The assembled guests applaud the Players as they return to take their bows.]



Giles: The iron tongue of midnight hath told twelve; -

Lovers, to bed; 'tis almost fairy time.

I fear we shall out-sleep the coming morn,

As much as we this night have overwatch'd.

This comic tragedy play hath well beguil'd

The heavy gait of night. - Sweet friends, to bed. -

A fortnight hold we this solemnity,

In nightly revels and new jollity.



[Exeunt Giles, Jenny, Xander, and Anya.]



Willow: Think you we shall out-sleep the coming morn?



Tara: Who said you're going to be getting any sleep?



Willow: Vixen!



[Exeunt.]



Act V, Scene II:



Outside the Palace of GILES.



[Enter DAWN, BUFFY, FAITH, and attendant Fairies. Buffy and Faith cast fairy-dusts over the Palace for good fortune to all those inside - even the Players making their way out the gate, towards their homes - and leave hand in hand. Exeunt all save Dawn.]



Dawn: If we shadows have offended,

Think but this - and all is mended -

That you have but slumber'd here

While these visions did appear.

And this weak and idle theme,

No more yielding but a dream,

Gentles, do not reprehend;

If you pardon, we will mend.

And, as I'm an honest sprite,

If we have unearned flight

Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,

We will make amends ere long;

Else the Key a liar call;

So good night unto you all.

Give me your hands, if we be friends,

And Dawn shall restore amends.



[Exit.]



The End.

Hello Kittens-



BRAVO! Good Chris has wrought this fairy meal full well, and 'tis delightful! He is indeed a Cook of the first order!





Jixer

Thanks jixer, and all the other Kittens who've been reading along



Just letting you know: Willow & Tara's A Midsummer Night's Dream has been added to my uber-will/tara archive Through the Looking-glass, which you can find here: www.netspace.net.au/~alia/glass.htm



And, of course (I love my Photoshop) it's got a cutesy graphic title.



Thanks for your support.

New to the archive. You can leave feedback!

---

I had a Boddingtons and now I can see again! - The Beast