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Title: Paper Airplanes
Number of Horses: None, but many implied. (What? I don't even know what that means).
Disclaimer: I don't own them. After you read this, you'll know why.
Rating: Uhm, knowing me ... G. (Is "heck" a bad word?)
Spoilers: It's kinda AU ... Willow does, indeed, meet Tara at the Wicca meeting. After that, however, things just aren't the same.
Thanks to: Kerry, wonder-writer/beta extraordinaire ... (will that get you to write more of your story?)
Summary: Willow and Tara hang out, become very good friends. That's it. Well ... there's more. Of course there is, silly. There's friendship, hidden feelings and sadness, followed by un-sadness (which could be called "happiness" in some cultures).
Note 1: This is a getting together fic. It is set generally in Season 5, only because of a reference to "Family." Oh and Tara has no secret ... and, because I loved her, Joyce is still around. (Not that she's in this story, but, she's still not dead).
Note 2: I wrote this a long time ago, before the current situation, before the break-up ... so, it won't have any traces of mid-late Season 6.
Note 3: I have all but the last chapter written, so, if all goes well and it's recieved well -- I can post one chapter a day. In all, there are 8 chapters (with the 8th unwritten at this point).
On with the show ...
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"Creating your own aerial assault team there Will?" Xander asked, looking at her private paper squadron.
"Hmm," Willow was pulled out her daydreaming to see that she had successfully folded every paper within reach into some form of a paper airplane. "Oh, just kind of bored," she replied with a roll of her eyes.
He unfolded one of the planes and read the flyer. With a smirk he commented, "What, 'Crazy Monkey Pants' not doing it for you?" He eyed the band, listened for a second and dutifully re-folded the paper into its former airplane form. "What's with the face of the long kind?" he inquired.
"No, no longness here. This is the face of the waiting. Tara said she'd meet me here before we do the Wicca thing," she explained. "I hate being early." Willow glanced at her watch and then around her one more time. "Hey, where's Anya?" Willow asked, less out of curiosity and more out of manners. She didn't want Xander to think she didn't notice his right arm was missing.
Xander stood up tall, brushed what would be his lapel if he wasn't wearing a tee shirt and said, "Getting me a drink." His eyebrows jumped with pride.
Green eyes darted to the bar in disbelief. When she didn't see Anya, she turned back to Xander with a confused look on her face.
Sheepishly he said, "She's in the bathroom." A wide grin found its way onto his face, "Had you though, didn't I?"
When he saw Anya making her way toward the table, Xander excused himself. They met near the dance floor and quickly let themselves get swept up in the music. Willow watched, amused at Xander's idea of dancing and Anya's patience with his rhythmless movements. She smiled at the sight and then sighed, realizing that watching was all she was doing lately.
Watching Buffy shoot come hither looks, watching Xander step all over himself to please Anya, and watching Anya lovingly place Xander under her finger - but that was all. Spectator again, this thought led her back to the place she'd been hiding for the last few weeks, back to Tara.
Willow looked around and still there was no sign of her fellow Wiccan. A group of
students came by in a huddle and bumped into her, sending a few planes and some of their belongings to the ground. Only one of the guys in the group, the one whose backpack fell open, bothered to help Willow pick up the various pens, planes and band flyers that now littered the path between Willow's table and the table nearest her.
When most of the mess was picked up, Willow found herself alone with a pile of band flyers, paper airplanes and someone's abandoned pen. "Finder's keepers," she mumbled to herself.
The red-head moved to seat herself in the chair that gave her the best view of the entrance. She rested her chin on her left hand and began doodling on one of the paper airplanes. Her eyes never looked at the marks she made, instead they watched the door intently. Tara, she thought, getting more and more impatient, where are you?
Since meeting Tara at the joke of a Wicca group meeting, she had taken every opportunity to spend time with her. At first she would stop by to practice her spell casting, but it wasn't long before Willow stopped by just to stop by. Her mind tried to get around how quickly Tara found her way into a void that was previously unnoticed, or maybe just ignored. An Oz-shaped void, she mused, that somehow became Tara-shaped when I wasn't paying attention, or maybe it was a Tara-shaped void that
Oz was filling? Her head was hurting and pulled her eyes away from the door long
enough to look down and make swirly designs between the hearts she had been doodling.
Somehow the appearance of little hearts in her doodles didn't surprise her as much as she thought it would. They started to slowly make their appearances in her notebook she used for spells. At first she didn't think it was more than the "everyone has someone but me" monster that was eating away at her brain. But when she realized that the only book with doodled hearts in it was her spell notebook, she had to rethink her theory.
She knew the theory never had any merit anyway. All she had to do was remember what her computer notebook looked like after a few dates with Oz. Little doodled guitars and hearts littered the margins on nearly every page of notes.
Oz was different, she sighed as she thought, and not because of the male thing. She knew where she stood with him nearly from the start. I could tell him what I felt for him and not be afraid of him disappearing. She frowned when she realized he had done just that - disappeared. Maybe Oz isn't a very good example, she mentally noted. I don't have anything to compare these feelings to.
Feelings, Willow thought gruffly, stupid, messing things up feelings. Lately her feelings for Tara had been boiling up within her, threatening to spill over whenever Tara was near. Willow had been toying with the idea of just writing it all down and getting it out once and for all, but never seemed to have the chance. Willow looked up to see Xander and Anya fully engrossed in their dance and checked her watch. I have a chance now, I guess, she thought as she carefully unfolded one of her planes and began writing.
My dearest Tara,
I am writing this letter with the intention of being completely honest, because if I don't, my thoughts might drive me insane. I just need to get this out with no questions that will let me backpedal or run away. That's what this is about. When I am done writing everything I wish I was brave enough to tell you face to face, I'll burn this letter and your beautiful eyes will never see a single word. It's the only way I can be sure I won't hide, that I'll bare my deepest thoughts and that I'll admit my silent wishes.
I was watching Xander and Anya dance tonight while I waited for you. I thought about how happy they made each other. I thought about how nice they looked together. I thought about how I wanted to be jealous of what they have, but couldn’t because they deserve to be happy. And I thought about what was making me, not unhappy, just not
entirely happy.
See, at first, I thought it was just loneliness. I thought I was just going through the "I'm alone blues" I fall into when everyone I know is coupled off. I thought it was the funk I used to feel when I was elected to watch the table while everyone else danced. But that's not it.
It's you. It's how I feel about you. It's the torture of being on the verge of letting my
emotions flood over me but knowing that if I do, I might lose the one thing I need the most.
This is the part that, if I thought you were ever going to see this, I would call the "point of no return." I'm just going to take a deep breath and jump right in ...
I need … well, you. I need that look in your eyes when I pull you out of sleep with a surprise visit in the morning. I need the special giggle you reserve for me when I babble. I need your sly half-smile. I need the stories you tell me in your hushed tone when I'm upset. I just need you.
Willow stopped writing and glanced at the paper in front of her. A thin smile formed on her mouth as she read over it. This doesn't even sound like me. Why doesn't it read like I'm even a fraction as nervous as I really am? Willow thought. As she reached the last line, a familiar voice interrupted her.
"H-hey Willow," the blonde said with a grin. Her smiled turned into a full fledged grin when she saw the airplane collection on the table. "Am I, uhm, late?"
Willow's head snapped up to put her in direct eye contact with Tara. "Tara! Hey!" the red-head quickly folded the flyer into some semblance of a jet and roughly shoved it into her jacket pocket. "I was just, you know, doodling and writing, and, nothing important, you know, just found a pen and, moved it around on the paper and, you know, images formed and words too! I was, you know, just waiting and … stuff." As she spoke, her eyes wildly looked around, finally growing large and resting on Tara.
Read your letter – you can form words and be coherent at the same time! Willow admonished herself. She was brought out of her reverie by a soft giggle. She glanced up at Tara and was rewarded with Tara's shy half smile. The two friends reveled in each others company as a light blush painted both of their faces.
"We're back!" Anya announced gleefully. She looked at the two wiccans and crinkled her nose. "Why are you staring at each other? Is this a Wicca thing?"
Willow pried her eyes from Tara's and glared an Anya. "We were just, uhm," Willow began, but soon found that she really didn't know what they were doing.
"Staring at each other, yes, I saw," Anya finished Willow's sentence. "You should go dance. Xander says that dancing is a good way to get ..."
"Ahn, sweetie, we know what Xander gets from dancing with you," Xander interrupted as he turned an apologetic eye to the two girls who were staring at him in shock.
"I was going to say that we were just on our way back to Tara's to work on a new spell," Willow finally managed to say. She stood up and nodded to Tara. "Ready?" They headed for the door, quickly waving behind them.
"Yeah, spells," Anya commented. "Right."
-End Part 1-
"I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly!" (SpongeBob Squarepants)
Edited by: xita
at: 12/15/02 11:30:40 pm
can't wait for the next update.
If you keep saying such nice things, I don't know that I'll be conscious to post more. Great Obi Wan of Fics ... maybe I could be a Jedi Ficcer too?
Me? Up there with Ruth a-a-and Lisa a-a-a-a-and MC and Sasso. Oh to belong in the heavens with such stars! Thank you ... so much. You made my day.