Int—Kitten Chat—night
As kittens gather, past 11pm EST, we see Shannon, clove in hand, hunched over her keyboard.
Kind of uncomfortable.
April comes bounding into chat. Shannon sees her, brightens, IM’s her.April: Hey!
Shannon: Look at you. All coming into chat and everything.
April: (sending a cheesy, big toothed grin) I do that sometimes.. Usually around midnight.
Shannon: Right.
They linger over small talk. Slowly. Not rushing anywhere.
April: (remembering Shannon’s new piercing): How’s your…you know, after the piercer thing?
Shannon tweaks her nipple to check her ring, winces at the unbelievable pain.
Shannon: Oh, you know…it’s between orgasmic and fucking awful. With a smidge of outdated. It’s ok.
April: And the other ones ok..not overly sensitive or irritatingly erect?
Shannon: Ha! Irritatingly erect---that’s funny. (compensating here) It’s ok. Putting on a bra has fucking sucked all week---but, it didn’t hurt too badly.
April: Oh, can I play with it sometime? I love piercings.
A beat of silence, then:
April: So, this is becoming kind of a regular thing. You and me in chat.
Shannon: Ummm, I didn’t..
April: Only this time you stuck around.
Shannon: Uh..yeah.. (mutters) stupid AOL.
April: She’s just a newbie.
Shannon’s caught a little off guard.
Shannon: Newbies are nice!
April: You logged off before I could, you know, explain.
Shannon: Officially, of course, I have no idea what you’re talking about.
April: Unofficially?
Shannon sends April a blushy smiley face. They sit in silence for a minute. Shannon, still nervous, takes a deep breath, then sick of typing, uses voice,which seems to make all the girls go squishy:Shannon: We should chat again sometime. Maybe some night this week.
April: (still w/no voice) I’ll be up tomorrow night.
Shannon: You could, you could bring your newbie.
April is thrown by this.
April: I wasn’t gonna—I mean, if you have a newbie—
Shannon: No! I’m, oh, I’m newbieless.
April: Yeah, yeah..no newbies—I mean, I have newbies…
Shannon: Many fun, flirty newbies, yeah, but---
April: Chat.
Shannon: With us. Who are… just friends.
Ext—Internet; Random Websites---Night
Rally and Julia are IM’ing each other, discussing various websites
Rally: Ok, can we post on that one?
Julia: (no) One W/T smutfic, 3 flaming Buffy/Spike posts and 1 Giles/Cordy smutfic
Rally: You posted a Giles/Cordy smutfic?
Julia: Great Magic box scene. Very dirty.
Rally: Yeah, but you posted a Giles/Cordy smutfic. As dirty of a writer that you are, that’s pretty gross.
Julia; Sex is sex.
A beat.
Rally: I guess it was kind of lame idea for a kitten board free night. I make up for those baseball stats by taking you to websites that you’ve been banned on.
Julia: No, it’s my smutty fault. I’m the one that got booted for posting the stuff.
Rally notices a link on the Cross and Stake.
Rally: Hey, you didn’t post anything on Essence did you?
Julia: A Willow/Darla/Drusilla threesome. Didn’t work out. (then) NO.
Rally: Good, then we can go post on Essence.
Julia: Ech.. It’s so awful. All those teenage fanatics—posting bad non-lesbiancentric poetry and fic.
Rally: Yeah, but you use to think lesbian poetry was cute.
Julia’s fingers hover over the keyboard, ready to protest. Then she looks at Rally’s non-threatening Yahoo Imvinronment, stops herself. Instead:Julia: Well, yeah, when I was in denial. We could go scan. (beat) ‘Sides, I don’t think there are anymore Buffy boards that I can every post on again.
Rally: It’ll pass. You’ve deleted all those posts you had. We’re editing the rest.
Julia: I’m editing the rest.
Rally: We’ll figure it out. And you know, maybe eventually, we’ll be able to visit Angel X on the C&S again..smutfree.
A newbie interrupts their bonding, flashing up Barry Bond’s homerun stats on the IM to Rally. She closes out the window that she was chatting with Julia in. She IM’s her again.Rally: Sorry, That wasn’t..I just… Sorry.
Julia: No, no. It’s ok.
They sit at their screens for another moment. Silence passes between them—smut passes through Julia’s mind. Then Rally, forces herself to snap out of her daze, tries to lighten things:Rally: Ok, you know what we need?
Julia: What?
Rally: (re: kitten board) Some good, mindless Willow/Tara naked sex discussion. Not as thought provoking as Essence, but just as available to you.
Julia flashes up a smiley as they go off. It’s not really what she had in mind, but Rally is trying.
Int. Secret Lesbro Chat—Day
Len is toiling over code and computer related things that I don’t know the names of. The file from the Trolls is sitting on his desktop---we can see that it has a shirtless picture of Spike as its icon. Dr. G IM’s him.Len: I really wouldn’t disturb me right now.
Dr. G: Not really impressed—I mean, that’s a shot of him from, like, Season two.
Len: I do this wrong and all of hard drives are fried like a hippie after a Phish tour.
Dr. G: What did you say?
Len: Just let me work.
He closes out the some downloaded music and gets back to the file. Dr. G pauses for a moment, then continues with false insight:Len: All right, do what you need to do. You get us the goods, then watch out. It’s gonna be like the whole internet spread it’s legs and gave it up to you, man.
Len shudders at the mental image of Bill Gates spreading his legs, offering up his ‘manhood,’ then sends Dr. G a frustrated angry face.Len: And then we’re done, right? We each take our share and call it a day?
Brian stares at the screen, watching quietly.
Dr. G: You that ready to go off and start your own website?
Len doesn’t answer. Clearly uncomfortable.
Dr. G: Don’t worry, we pull this off and you can start any file sharing software you want. Cheer up, big brown. You’re about to get everything the three of us everything we ever wanted.
Len sends the room a content smiley face, goes back to the troll file. Dr. G IM’s Brian on the side.Dr. G: He’s almost done.
Brian: I almost feel sorry for him—he has no bitterness or rage.
Dr. G: That’s a weakness.
Brian: Umm..yeah.
They watch Len’s webcam as he types quickly at his computer.
Dr. G: Look at him.
Brian: He’s got that same look on his face, the same one he had that time I edited his post on the kitten board.
Brian starts to shift in his seat—Trevor is on the move.
Brian: Right before he told Xita on me! Dr. G—I don’t think we can trust him!
Dr. G: I don’t think we need to. Not for much longer.
Brian: It’s going to be that soon? ‘Cause I’m on the computer all night and I get pretty tired.
Dr. G: You know that wrestling match that’s coming up? How long until it’s aired?
Brian: Well, I ordered it on Friday. I remember noticing that it wasn’t a full two weeks before it aired, but I did call in pretty early, unless I’m thinking about the Ultimate Fighting Contest…
Dr. G: Forget it, it’s going to be soon.
Brian: Oh. Cool.
Int---Kitten chat—Night
Autumn logs into chat and finds Xita, the only kitten around at 4am, waiting for her.Autumn: Oh my god, whore.
Xita stares at the screen, nervous and slightly drunk on lemonade.
Autumn almost instinctly goes to grind in Xita’s lap, but stops before finishing the command, almost afraid. It’s awkward.
Autumn: How are you?
Xita: Um..drunk.. You?
Autumn: (slightly plastered) Xita. Please. Let me---
Xita turns down the volume on her headphones—Autumns mic is too loud.
Autumn: (continued) –explain.
She waits, cautiously, impatient and full of pee. And maybe a bit flirtatious.
Autumn: I know that there is nothing that I can say or do to make up for what I did. Sometimes, I read the spoilers and I think—oh God, is this my life? Was that me?
Xita: (quietly) Stupid whore.
Autumn: But you have to believe me, please, that I WANT to make up for it. I want to take away the hurt. I love the kitten board,Xita. So much.
Xita’s voice goes softer in the mic—a little less belligerent. Autumn hears this.
Autumn: I may have practiced that a few times—in chat by myself.
Xita: I just don’t understand what happened.
Autumn: I do. I’m an idiot. All I had to do was IM you earlier. I could have spared you that whole nightmare by warning you that I had posted drunk.
Xita: IM’d me…. About what?
Autumn feels like she has really fucked up now.
Autumn: No, no, I mean, if I had been a little more sober—if I had drunken tea instead of bourbon. ‘Cause with being the drunken thing.
Xita: If you had been more sober, you would have, what, been able to stop me giving you minion duties?
Autumn: I don’t mean it like that, it’s more like.
Xita starts mumbling over the mic.
Autumn: Ok, I didn’t practice this part.
Xita: Do you still want to be a moderator?
Autumn hesitates just long enough for Xita to notice.
Xita: Well, fuck you, whore.
Autumn: Xita, it’s a very complicated question.
Xita: Actually, no it’s not. Kind of a yes or no kind of a deal. Do you want to be a moderator?
Autumn: Someday, yes, very much.
Xita makes a small sound, something similar to an acid reflux attack.
Autumn: When I’m ready. I don’t want you to take that as a bad thing, it’s good, I love the kitten board. I love it so much, I’m just trying to be honest with you.
Xita: Yeah, honesty NOW. Congratulations, (mumbles something—her voice gets all choppy) for being honest now Autumn. I wonder what your signature will say.
Autumn: Ok, clearly, I need another drink.
Xita: Well, DUH!
Autumn: All I want is for the board to run smoothly—troll free. I love the kittens. I just wish things could go back to the way they were before we moved to Ezboards.
We see Xita on her webcam, giving Autumn the middle finger—and not in that fun, pleasurable way.
Xita: (somehow channeling Brian’s eerie devil voice): And I wish YOU had never registered!
BLACK OUT.
End Act One.
Believe me I don't want to go
And it'll grieve me 'cause I love you so
But we both know....
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And, hell, we all know that Autumn is great as Xander 
<--- Ever notice how this looks like a swelling vagina??)
