Title: See Above
Author: Banshee
Email:
siren420@hotmail.comSpoilers: if you haven't see "OAFA" then you won't have a clue.
Rating: R--but just because of language
Feedback: Sure.
Comments: Ruth and Julia's parodies are totally why I did this.They're fucking brilliant.
Int. Yahoo---Kittenchat—very late
It’s late—on all the coasts and especially for Ruth over in England: Through the webcams you can see food and empty bottles of ‘lemonade’ all over. For some, it’s only 11pm, for others the sun is coming up. But no matter what time it is, everyone looks disheveled. But, regardless, everyone is having a good time, there’s smuttiness and the like and no one is leaving.
Xita takes this all in. She’s confused, but pleased.
Julia IM’s Brian.
Julia: I love you bunch of chat sluts.
Brian: Even the Canadian ones?
Julia: Yes. I mean, look at the time and no one is even thinking of leaving (flashes a smiley to him). You know I can never tear myself away.
Brian: Yeah.
Julia: Hey, you want to read some more of my shiny new smutfic?
Brian: No, I’m good.. I’m gonna head back into chat.
Julia: Ok.
Julia goes back into chat and, suddenly, Brian is IM’d by Ruth.
Ruth(in her sexy british voice) Oh, Brian, wanna read some of my smutfic?
Brian: Seriously, stop it.. someone may notice you’re gone.
She sends him a hug
Ruth: Mmm-hmmm.
She tries to email him some of her hot W/T sex scenes, but it ends up in chat. Suddenly Len calls out to them in chat. He notices they’ve been gone and leers at them through his webcam. He IM’s Ruth.
Ruth: I, uh, meant to post that in the Pens board.
Len: W/T smut on pens?? Without a disclaimer???
Ruth: What??!! Those wankers cant handle it? It's only naughty sex..
Len: Right.
Len closes the window and goes back to chat.
Int.—Yahoo—Kittenchat
April is sitting on Shannon’s lap.
April: You get the handcuffs.
Shannon: No you.
April: No you.
We see Rally and a random newbie sitting idle on the side, just staring at the lesbian silliness.
Rally: (sighs) God, It’s only cyberflirting.
Willowillbemine: I can’t really, like, get into this stuff. I just want to talk about the show and Amber. All they’ve been doing is talking trying to talk about spoilers and getting it on. But, you know, I’ll watch.
Rally: Great, here we go with the psuedo cybersmuttiness.
A beat, then Rally rests her head on her keyboard.
Int---Yahoo—Kittenchat—Later(night)
The kittens are sitting around, hashing out their favorite W/T quotes, scenes and outfits. Brian is tapping his fingers on the keyboard.
Brian: That’s it—I can’t think of anymore.
Julia: No, you did great, Trevor.
Across chat, Ruth sends a rolley eyed smiley face into chat. She’s chatting with Shannon, Len and Scott about outfits.
Shannon: Wanna talk about bad clothing?
Scott: It’s weird that there are so many bad patterns.
Brian: No clothes!
(off Julia’s look)
It’s too cold in Canada to be naked.
Julia: God, we’ve been chatting for like 3 hours. It’s already 1am here. You can’t leave.
April: Yes, Brian, stay. I want to flirt with everyone in here.
Xita: Oh, we should have a slumber party!
Everyone stares at her blankly—where the fuck did that come from?
Brian: I don’t know..but, I guess if you guys are up for it.
Ruth: Yeah, there has to be some naughtiness that I can incite in here to keep us up.
Brian sends an evil smiley, directed at Ruth. Len, sees this and IM’s Ruth.
Len: How’s that W/T sex going, Ruth? Still writing it?
Ruth: What? Oh.. Yeah.
Len: Maybe you should just save it.
Xita smiles at the webcam…looking around at all of the conversations going on. She is content.
The chatting won’t end. Rally is sleeping on her keyboard, Ruth and Brian start up a conversation about the Yukon. Shannon, Xita and Scott are talking about movies.
Julia sends a message out.
Julia: Shannon, don’t you have to work soon? And I have to go to bed, too.
Shannon: (going on about lesbian movies): Sure.
She doesn’t leave. Willowillbemine and Rally both wake up from their naps.
Rally: Does everyone have an avatar? (beat) It’s always good to check.
Julia: I really need sleep. I can’t be bitter today.
Ruth: Yes, you should go..don’t want to be bitter.
Brian: Ruth.
Julia: I have no idea why I’m not signing off.
Ruth: Me either. ‘Sides, Julia needs her rest or she won’t be able to post her new chapter of smutfic. Me, I use to love smutfic. In the old days, I would have had three W/T sex scenes written by now.
Brian: ‘Course with that new script parody you do..you stay away from the naughtiness. Ruth.
Ruth: But, I guess I could just write something here in the room, you know? Some nice bikerfic or a shower scene. I could you, know?
Brian: Fucking hell.
He IM’s Ruth.
Brian: I should have grapped your ISP the second you got here. I was insane to think that you could go one night without invoking naughtiness.
Ruth: And I was bloody fucking insane to think—Oh, wait.. You ARE insane.
Brian: You know what? I think it’s time for you to go post.
Ruth: Yeah, well, can’t. Writers block.
Brian: Then I’m going.
Ruth: I’ll boot you out.
Brian: Fine.
Ruth: Fine!
Neither one of them logs off.
Brian: I’m really leaving now.
Ruth: Me too.
They continue to just stare at their screens.
Brian: Well..motherfucker!
Int.—Yahoo—Kittenchat
Everyone is gathered in the chatroom. Xita keeps herself idle, but growing frustrated.
Brian: There’s something keeping us in chat.
Shannon: Or someone. I bet it’s the religious right.
Len: Has everyone tried to log out?
Rally: What if we, as a group, all tried to log off at once.. You know, try and crash Yahoo!
Shannon: Alright, count of three. One. Two. Three.
No one leaves.
Shannon: Ok, here we go.
Again no one moves.
Brian: And hence the motherfucking dilemma.
Ruth: I really need to go. I need a fucking cigarette.
April: And I have to go to work.
Willowillbemine: And I have to go post an off-topic thread. (beat) Actually, I’m ok here.
Scott: I’m fine.
Shannon: Len and Rally have work and I have to go feed my cat.
Brian: I know, we all have places that we’d rather be.
This doesn’t sit well with Xita.
Ruth(sotto for Brian): Things we’d rather be doing.
Brian gets pissed, but he moves on.
Brian: So, our first priority is to try and find a way out of Yahoo.
Xita: Sure. Of course you all want to leave me. ‘Cause being stuck in here would really suck, right?
Rally: No, Xita, it’s just, there are important thing we have to---
Xita: Yeah, I know.. Important. Whatever that means.
She turns off her webcam. Everyone is stunned. She changes her status to BRB. Suddenly everyone is on mic.
Brian: Xita?
Xita: What?!
Brian: Did you do something?
Xita:WHAT!?!?
Len: Xita, it’s ok. Do you know something? ‘Cause we want you to tell us if you did.
Xita: What would I know?
Rally: Did you get too bitter? Is that what’s keeping us here?
Brian: We just want to figure out what’s going on.
Xita turns on her webcam, giving the big ‘Fuck you’ to everyone.
Shannon: ‘Cause you know, sometimes you’ll do something that seems like a good idea at the time, like say, go on a bitterness binge. And then it turns out, you know, that it just sucked.
Xita turns around and moons everyone.
Xita: Fuck! Why the hell are you all acting like such fucking trolls?!?! I didn’t do anything, but I wish I had. Things need to change around here. Nobody is ever around to chat this long. I’m glad you’re stuck. How else would I get any of you to spend time with me?
Brian: Xita, if you want us to spend time with you—
Suddenly the voice of a singing nun comes through the room. Everyone covers their ears at the sound of such holiness.
Everyone goes back into chat—turning off their speakers.
Shannon: She’s all weird and shit. Look at me..don’t look at me.. Love me..don’t love me..
April: I think she’s possessed.
Brian: That’d be cool.
Shannon
explaining it to April) She’s a teacher.
Len: Browsers are all out, we’re totally stuck here.
Brian: She was so angry. I’ve never seen her like that.
Len: Well, it happens. We all go through it.
Brian: I know, but I don’t understand why she just didn’t email me.
Shannon: Well, you have been watching a lot of wrestling lately.
Ruth: Yeah, well, bloody fucking love fest we’ve got going on here—but, can the cry a river for me group meet later? Say, when you’re not trapped in chat?
Len: Even if Xita does know something, she’s not going to help us right now.. We need another way.
Brian: Seems like our best bet would be to reboot, you know, completely shut it down.
Shannon: But, Rally…
Len: No, I’ll try and do it. It’s just my legs asleep and I can’t reach the power cord.
Brian: And I’m in Canada, so I can’t help you.
Int.—Boston—Lens room.
Len has cleared everything off the desk and the floor surrounding him. He is trying to get the pins and needles out of his leg that happen when you sit in one spot chatting too long.
Julia watches him on the cam.
Julia: What is he doing? Tantric breathing or something?
Ruth: Or something.
Julia loses it.
Julia: You want to tell me what’s going on here? We’re trapped in Yahoo! by someone or something and who the hell knows what Len is doing over there and the british chick there—
Ruth: Whore of the month.
Julia: --whatever is, let’s face it, fucking bitter. And I have to tell you (pointing to Scott), That man doesn’t post at ALL!
Ruth: Right and when you’re done, please remember that we’re trying to help you.
Int—Boston—Lens Room
Len is seen stretching and reaching for the surge power button.
Len: Sign off.
He reaches it and the light goes off. Nothing happens.
Ruth is trying to close her browser.
Ruth: Nope, can’t..
Int.---Yahoo---Kittenchat
Brian tries IM’ing Xita
Brian: I wish you had told me.
Xita: You really haven’t been..
Brian: What? I haven’t been what?
Xita: Posting.
Brian: Xita, the most important job I have is to Moderate for you.
Xita: God, you sound like a BlessedWannaBe. Do they give you a handout or something at e-boards? How to handle a bitter board owner?
Brian takes this in.
Brian: A BlessedWannaBe?
Xita: It wasn’t my idea. I made my yahoo name public and one of them messaged me.
Brian: And you’ve never met her before?
Xita: No, not until yesterday.
Brian: And they got you talking about things that were bad about the board and chat?
Xita: (realizing) Uh, yeah.
Brian: Did you like express any kind of wish to this person?
Xita: Uh, maybe a little.
Int.—Yahoo—Kittenchat.
April is freaking out. She’s sitting on everyones lap and threating to tie up anyone that spells something wrong.
Shannon: April, it’s ok..this isn’t the way..just settle down.
April: She knows something! She knows and we have to find out!
Brian and Xita return to the room.
Xita: Hey!
Shannon: April if you just stop for a second.
April: But I have to get to the board and read the W/T sex thread. I don’t have work today and I can do that at home. She’s making me miss sex! How could you do this to me?!
Brian: She didn’t—it wasn’t Xita. It was a newbie or someone pretending to be one. They got Xita to be bitter.
April: A newbie? You were bitter to someone who just registered?
Xita: Yeah.
April: Did they have an Avatar? A flaming O one?
Xita: And it was animated.
April: Oh, for crying out loud. (Summoning) AUTUMN! It’s Autumn. She’s a spoiler ho. You raged to a spoiler ho!
Xita: I didn’t know.
April: Only a spoiler ho can release you from endless hours of chat.
April sends out an instant message to Autumn.
April: GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!!
Autumn joins chat.
Autumn: You rang?
Len: I thought spoiler ho’s only existed on the board?
Autumn: No, that was Aprils thing. Though she mostly lurks. Most of us also try and spill the beans in chat as much as we can. Oh and we actually prefer “Spoiler Experienced.” FYI.
April: Oh, is that how you explain your actions to the unspoiled?
Autumn: Well, the kittens need me. And, none of that changes the fact that this woman needed some good chatting. I could hear her pain all over the internet.
Xita goes idle, ashamed and embarrassed.
Autumn: You people deserve to be spoiled. Enjoy your time together.
Autumn tries to close the window but can’t.
Autumn: Ahh..fuck.
April: It’s the block Autumn.
Autumn looks at April but is confused..then, after a second, gets it.
Autumn: Alright, fine.. The block is lifted, we can all leave. Damnit.
Brian: You think it’s worn off?
Ruth: Just one thing to do.
She moves her cursor over to the ‘x’ and clicks out. Everyone else slowly leaves chat.
Scott: Great time!
Len: God, look at the board..
Shannon: I want to have a cigarette and watch Iron Chef while eating---God, look at the board.
As they filter out, Xita is left alone. Ruth sends Brian an IM
Ruth: Wanna go post?
Brian opens up a beer and sets it down.
He goes back into chat and sends back his reply.
Brian: No, I think I’m gonna stay here.
End.
Believe me I don't want to go
And it'll grieve me 'cause I love you so
But we both know....
Edited by: Banshee at: 4/4/02 5:35:30 am
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