Rating: PG 13

Couples: W/T course!

Spoilers: Events up to ‘Wrecked’ have happened

Archiving: Course… just let me know, K?

Feedback: Pretty please with chocolate sprinkles and Alyson on top! Have been writing for a while but have never dared post before, so let me know what you think, good or bad, or I’ll run back to my hole and hide!

Disclaimer: Joss is God, Amber and Alyson are Goddesses, Mutant Enemy and UPN own all. I just play.

Notes: Major angst to start with… but I live in a happy rainbow-coloured world and all comes right in the end! Plus, I promise snuggles!

Her Eyes - Part 1



She stood slowly, feeling utterly drained, and pushed herself out of the armchair. The armchair had been her hiding place for the last few weeks, curling up in it and reading, pretending the rest of world had gone away. She could immerse herself in books and lose her sense of reality in the stories she read. Films and television had never been her escape; it was always books, always books. Libraries were her temples, churches; great silent places where no one could touch her or disturb her peace. She had first discovered libraries when her mum would take her as a tiny child and they would find books to read to each at bedtime. But later, when her mother was no longer there, libraries were places to hide in, to find silence in a world full of shouting and pain. She shut the book reluctantly and headed for the door, wondering who was knocking. Dawn? Or maybe Buffy? Or... something instinctive made her wonder and her mind raced rapidly...



“Hey.” Willow. She was here. Tara suddenly found her heart was beating too fast, too loud. Willow must be able to hear it surely, pounding so fast it must jump out of her chest any second.



“Hey.” Red eyes, with dark circles around them, and she’d lost weight. She looked so beautiful, so battered, so frail. Tara wanted to simply open her arms and take her to her breast and hold her, kiss her, until it all went away. She hadn’t been prepared for how much it would hurt to see her again. The desperate longing that was washing over her was overwhelming her, it was too much.



“Can I come in?” Willow was almost whispering. Tara nodded dumbly, stepping out of the way. She drew in a sharp breath as Willow brushed past her, skin touching skin for the briefest second, and she felt Willow do the same. The electricity, the flashing sensations rushing through both of them again, as strong as it had ever been. How could this woman reduce her to this? How could one person make her so totally incapable of thought, of rational action? She felt as if she was back at being the old Tara, the one Willow had found and taken and brought out of herself. When they’d first met, it had been like this. Awkward, bumbling, terrified, electrified, excited and desperate to be with each other, all at once.



“I know I probably shouldn’t have come... and I know you probably don’t ever want to see me again, and Buffy and Dawn said you were OK, that you were moving on and that college was going well and you had a place... and it’s a nice place...” Tara smiled a little as Willow drew breath to look around the room approvingly, “I like it... it’s very you, Tari... but I had to come, I just had to see you, I couldn’t stand it anymore and my life without you is just horrible, I can’t think of anything or do anything or eat anything without you being there, you’re just in my head and you won’t go away... not that I want you to go away, you know,” Willow hastened to add quickly, “but I need you, Tari, I need you in my life, and I’ve been trying so hard, and it’s been so difficult but I haven’t used magick for nearly a month now, except…” she gulped but ploughed on, “but I nearly did so many times, but every time I wanted to, you were there...”



Tara stepped forward and cupped a hand round Willow’s cheek gently, stopping the redhead in full flow. “Willowbabble...” Willow’s face lit up with a tiny hopeful smile, and Tara suddenly realised her hand was on Willow’s cheek. The action had been instinctive, a force of habit that still happened without thought. She stepped back quickly and the hope faded from Willow’s face, leaving desperation in its place.



“Tari, please... I need you, I can’t do it without you.”



“Will, I know, I can’t do it without you either. D-Dawn’s been keeping me updated. I know how hard you’ve been trying, how well you’ve done.”



“It’s been so hard....” Willow looked as if she was trying hard to hold back tears suddenly.



“I’m so proud of you, baby.” She tried a smile but it came out crooked.



“Really? You’re proud?”



“Of course I’m proud. I know how hard the thing you’ve done is.”



“It was, it was so hard...”



“It’s not over yet. You don’t shake off the pull of dark magick just like that. You’re over the worst but it will always be there, always trying to pull you back, Willow.” Willow’s eyes clouded over and the tears spilled over this time, pushed their way out of red-rimmed eyes that looked as if they’d cried all they could cry. Tiny beads of pain rolling down her cheeks. Tara’s hand crept up to wipe them away as they reached her jaw. Soft, fleeting touches that made the pain catch tightly in her gut, the physical knot that had been building there for so long. That had become a weight she had to carry around since that moment in the sewers, when she had woken from a bad dream to find Willow had lied and deceived, again. Willow’s hand was on hers, her hand on Tara’s fingers in a tentative clasp, while her eyes asked, begged to be allowed to hold.



“Please... Tari, I know how badly I screwed up, and I know how much I hurt you. But can I... can we...?” Tara sighed, closing her eyes for a second, and her mind flashed back to all the hundreds of scenarios she had dreamed of in the last month, the dreams of her reunion with Willow. In her fantasies, it had never hurt this much. It was always soft kisses and easy forgiveness. But this, this was pain; raw, agonising hurt, and her mind was screaming out that she couldn’t go through any of this again. She couldn’t bear hurt like that ever again. It had broken her and she wasn’t sure if it could be mended. Not even by Willow.



“Oh, Willow... I want this. You know I want this. But I don’t know if I can. It hurts too much, Will...” her voice broke a little on the last words, and she dropped her eyes from Willow’s face and pulled her hand back to her side. Hiding, always hiding, back away, disappear into the background, hope the pain won’t find you...



“Tari... don’t hide from me.” Willow’s hand gently but insistently pulling her chin up, making her look into her eyes. “You can’t hide from me. I won’t let you.”



There was silence between them and Tara simply stared helplessly into the green eyes that had so mesmerised her when she had first looked into them, and so terrified her when she had seen them blackened and spewing anger and darkness.



“Tara, I love you. I know you love me. We belong together. You complete me, and we don’t work without each other. Don’t run away from me, baby. Please?”



Suddenly Tara felt the anger rise. She had fought with so many different emotions in the last month, but anger had been a frequent visitor. Rage at the woman she loved; anger so potent it had scared her; anger that she knew was simply her pain converted into something that was easier to bear.



“You don’t get it, do you, Willow?!!” She never yelled and it sounded strange. Willow almost cowered before her, but she didn’t… couldn’t stop; she had to say it. “You can’t erase this!! I can’t just put it to one side and forget about it! You didn’t just hurt me. You broke me, in every way it’s possible to break someone. Life without you I can’t even start to think about. I don’t work without you, Will, but you took what we had and tore it up, shredded it into tiny pieces. You chose magick over me!” She gasped, struggling for breath, fighting the emotion that threatened to engulf her. “You messed around with memories that I’d only just gotten back from Glory. You hurt people I care about. I lost you, just like I lost my mom. You took the trust I’d only just learned to give again and you tossed it away! How do I just forget all of that?! Tell me!! How?!!!”



Part 2



Willow gasped, staring at Tara speechless, and then crumpled before her, collapsing at her feet. The sobs shook her body. She couldn’t stop, couldn’t bear it, couldn’t believe the pain flashing out of Tara’s eyes at her. Eyes that should have been baby blue and peaceful, eyes that she had always found shelter in. Even when the world was erupting around her, one look from Tara was enough to quieten her heart. She, and her stupid, stupid screw-ups had turned those eyes into pools of hurt and anger.



Suddenly Tara was there, on her knees with Willow, gathering her up in her arms. Willow clutched at her as if she was about to lose her, and felt everything in her melting away and collapsing. It felt as if there was nothing left inside her but Tara and the gaping chasm that was constantly by her side, the darkness of the magick that constantly urged her to throw herself in.



“Oh Willow!” Tara's voice was muffled in her shoulder. “It hurts so much without you!”



“I know.... I never thought it could be real pain... like proper hurty pain,” Willow kissed Tara’s hair, and pulled her closer.



There was silence and the sobs Willow could hear and feel seemed to come from both of them at once. She couldn’t tell where her pain ended and Tara’s began. In the midst of the hurt, she felt connected to Tara again for the first time in what felt like forever.



“Tara… d’you hate me?” she whispered, not wanting the answer but needing it at the same time. Tara pulled away sharply, taking Willow’s wet, tear streaked face in her hands. Her face was shocked, appalled, but the anger had gone.



“Will… no! God, no! Willow, I couldn’t… you know that. I was so angry with you, and so upset and so lost… but it was never hate. It just couldn’t be.” Willow let out the breath she’d been holding in without knowing it.



“You never yelled before…”



“You never hurt me this much before…” The tears were flowing again and Willow wondered if they’d ever stop. That was all she’d done, this last month, was cry. Curled in her bed, a tiny thing huddled away from the world under bedclothes that she refused to wash until Buffy had dragged them off, because they still held the lingering scent of Tara. She’d attempted going to class and had found that she remembered nothing and that her notes were illegible. Her hands shook so badly, especially at the beginning. It was a little better now, but she still had terrible attacks of trembling, especially at night, lying there shivering and crying silently. She’d tried spending time with Dawn and the teenager had been civil but still hadn’t forgiven her anything, was still closed off and resentful. The only thing Dawn wanted from Willow right now was for her to put her relationship with Tara right and she couldn’t do that. She felt Dawn hated her for hurting her friend and surrogate mom. She kinda felt everyone hated her at the moment, and she didn’t know what was her own self-hatred and what was real animosity.



Everywhere she went she was haunted by the face of Rack, and by Amy shadowing her every move, clamouring for her to join them, invading her thoughts and playing tricks on her mind. Twice she’d given in and cast spells, simply hurling dark energy, once at the nearest demon, once simply into the sky. The release had been so blissful, so tempting that she’d run crying back home. She couldn’t fight it, it was too powerful. And so she’d crawled into bed and stayed there. Bed used to be a place of safety, a haven where she and Tara played and loved and laughed and learnt each other by heart. But this morning it had finally sunk in that it had become a prison, a black hole that she was falling into and wasn’t able to get out of on her own.



She stroked a trembling finger across Tara’s cheek, catching a tear and brushing it from soft, wet skin. They were staring into each other’s eyes, and she knew Tara was trying to read her, to step inside and find what she’d known, the real Willow. She opened up her mind in every way she knew how, and focused everything she had on telling Tara that she loved her utterly.



“I can’t do it on my own, Tara. I’m so weak. My life has fallen apart without you. They haven’t gone away, Rack and Amy, they’re still there. The magick is all around me, the whole time… and I lied. I did cast. I gave in once…” she shook her head, biting back the instinctive lie. “…twice. I gave in twice. I just let go but the magick is too powerful, I can’t control it anymore. I’m too dangerous, I can’t resist it. Every second of every day I can feel it calling me, trying to pull me back. And I can’t hold on much longer. I woke up this morning and it was worse, I felt like my head was going to explode. It hurts so much and you’d know what to do, you have to because I don’t… I don’t…”



“Willow, shhh…” Tara pulled her close again, wrapping her arms around her, and Willow sank into the safety of them and just let go.



They held each other tightly and cried, dropping hot tears onto necks and shoulders that had once simply been places of comfort and love.



Slowly, very slowly, the sobs receded and the tears dried. Willow didn’t know how long they had been there, collapsed in each other’s arms. She was trembling, shaking all over uncontrollably, and Tara simply held her tighter, holding her to stop the shaking. The feel of Tara’s arms around her again was almost too much. She’d wanted this for so long but not like this...



“Tari...” she pulled away and looked at the blonde. “‘Sorry’ doesn’t mean anything anymore. There’s nothing I can say and nothing I can do...”



“There is something you can do,” Tara interrupted.



“What? Tell me!” She’d do anything. Anything.



“You can teach me how to love and trust you again. You can start by being my friend, and you can get that right, and you can be Willow again, my Willow...”



Willow watched as Tara smiled, a proper smile that travelled all the way up to crinkled up, sparkly eyes. She wondered how long it was since she’d seen someone smile like that. She found herself smiling back uncertainly, found the smile growing, until they were sitting opposite each other on Tara’s carpet looking wonderingly at each other’s smiles.



“I can do that. I know I can. I can be Willow. I’m actually very good at being Willow, I’ve had lots of practice.”



“Well, let’s start there then.”



“Start there... yes, we can start there.”





Part 3



“Hey Tara,” Buffy smiled quietly as she opened the door and saw the blonde standing there nervously.



“Hi Buffy…” Tara smiled, and felt some of her nerves lift a little as Buffy met her eyes with warmth. “Am I early?”



“No, right on time!” The Slayer winked and then grabbed her hand, pulling her into the Summer’s house. ”She’s ten times more nervous than you!” she whispered into Tara’s ear as she propelled her into the living room. Dawn was putting something on the coffee table but straightened up rapidly as they entered. She flew forward and wrapped herself round Tara, hugging her tightly. Tara returned the hug, smiling. She missed Dawn as much as the teenager missed her. Despite the time they spent together on days out, it wasn’t the same as looking after Dawn and playing mom when they’d lived together.



“It’s so cool that you’re back! You haven’t come home for weeks now! You have to come see my room…!”



“Dawn… Tara doesn’t want to see your silly new posters, OK?” Buffy said warningly.



Tara gave Dawn a grin that she hoped said she did really and would come up later. It worked, and Dawn beamed at her before attaching herself to Tara’s arm again, interlacing their fingers and sticking like a leech as Tara sat down on the sofa.



“D’you wanna drink, Tara?” Buffy asked in her best hostess voice. Tara gulped and nodded, on autopilot. Dawn was chattering in her ear about the new boy in her class. Willow was nowhere to be seen.



“Dawnie, I think I have to go see Willow, OK? Tell me about Daniel in a minute, yeah?”



“Sure! Go see Willow!” Tara couldn’t help sighing inside as she looked at the hope and belief written across Dawn’s face. Trying to get the ‘parents’ back together…



She couldn’t do this. This hurt too much. She wasn’t ready and all her pseudo determination and confidence had been blown away in the breeze the second she’d arrived at the front door. She clutched at her tummy as she climbed the stairs to try and quell the bats that were crashing around in there. Deep breaths, stay calm, stay calm… she knocked gently on Willow’s bedroom door.



“Willow?”



A small faraway voice mumbled something she couldn’t catch so she just pushed the door open anyway.



Willow was hidden under a pile of tangled bedclothes, her flame hair just visible, splayed out across her pillow. Tara walked across the room on shaky legs. She sat down beside the redhead and began stroking her hair away from her face gently. Willow was sweating and trembling violently under her fingers. She looked so frightened, her eyes squeezed tightly together but her face was also wearing a look of such determination. Tara pulled the quilt back a little, and then forcibly pulled the girl up into her arms, and wrapped herself around her. Willow shook, crying hot tears that splashed onto Tara’s chest, but she responded to the touch and clutched at Tara.



“Willow… baby, talk to me.”



“I can’t stop it! It comes and takes hold and I can’t do anything but crawl away and hide…”



“Fight it, Will… You have to fight these attacks. I know how hard you’re trying and I’m so proud of you. Just learn to find yourself, learn to find the things that anchor you. Use them to reject the pull of the magick…” Willow seemed to calm slightly under her even voice, and the trembling receded a little.



“Does anyone know you have these withdrawal attacks? Does Buffy know?”



“No… no, she wouldn’t understand.”



Tara planted a soft kiss on Willow’s forehead, aching for the loneliness her Willow was trapped in. Willow’s response was a sudden desperate reaching for Tara, pulling her head down and kissing her as if she was air itself. Her lips and tongue were everywhere and Tara felt herself falling into the kiss before she’d even registered what had happened. Goddess, it felt SO good to…



She pulled back sharply, gasping for breath and staring at Willow. She watched Willow’s face crumple. The redhead put her fingers to her lips, touching them reverently where Taralips had been a moment ago, while her eyes stared up at Tara hopelessly.



“I’m sorry, Will, but not yet, yeah? I can’t just jump back into this. D’you know difficult it was to even come here today?”



“I know…” she whispered.



“Come on, baby. You’ve stopped shaking. Let’s go do what we’re supposed to be doing… having a nice relaxed Scooby evening.”



“You made the shaking go… the blackness faded…” Willow said with sudden astonishment in her eyes.



Tara smiled and nodded. “Don’t I always make you safe?” She looked down at Willow, still in her arms, still frail and beautifully broken, and felt her heart get so big with love she felt it would burst. Willow nodded and buried her head in Tara’s breast for a second, before letting the blonde help her out of bed and down the stairs.



Part 4



Willow was floating. Well, it felt like it. Tripping down the street, her feet didn’t feel as if they were touching the ground. She was lost in her head, following a happy thoughtbabble, thinking about how Tara had looked that night. She’d been wearing a dark royal blue vest top, with a silver crescent moon on the front, that hugged everything and her new jeans had made her ass look good enough to….



Willow smiled. She liked new ‘Spicy Tara’. Liked her a lot. Even Xander had gaped so much Anya had had to hit him, and Willow knew he’d never really thought of Tara as anything but ‘Mrs Willow’ before. A part of her was a teeny tiny little bit sad that her Tara had only discovered ‘Spicy Tara’ because leaving Willow had taught her self-belief, shown her that she could be strong without Willow. But that was a bad thought, and she pushed it aside and went back to skipping and dreaming about her evening.



It had been Tara’s first Scooby meeting since… everything. They’d been meeting for coffee and had had video nights and Tara had come to have dinner with her, Buffy and Dawn a few times, but it had been the first Scooby business meeting. Willow smiled. She was Buffy’s new Watcher… She giggled. She was going to have to buy some tweed suits. And tea. She’d need a lot of tea – Earl Grey, Darjeeling… and the herbal ones Tara liked. But she already kept excessive numbers of boxes of those, at the Summers’ house, just in case Tara dropped by.



She wondered what Giles would say when they told him Buffy wanted her to be ‘knowledge woman’ and ‘training partner’ from now on. No one had said ‘Watcher’ exactly but that was what it meant. She had a job again. She could be something important. She could go back to the books and start studying as hard as she could, learning everything Buffy would need her to know. She would have to read training manuals and devise fitness regimes, and study demonlore and history, and maybe brush up on her ancient languages. And computers… she’d have to get back to being hacker girl. She would be in charge of the library, and organise their meetings, and finish the indexing… there was so much to do. She grinned stupidly to herself. Her greatest fear was not being useful to the Scoobies and now she was useful again… even without the magick.



Something crashed out of the darkness and hit her, toppling her to the ground, before she even registered she’d been hit. Stunned and feeling her hip scream in pain, she looked up to see a demon towering over her. She instinctively attempted sending a telepathic message to Tara but felt nothing in response. And why did demons always have to smell quite so bad?



“Well, well… small human – out for a night time stroll, all by herself! Not very clever round these parts, I’d say!” He leered down at her, and Willow’s hand instinctively crept inside her bag. Her fingers found the stake and knife Buffy insisted she carry at all times. She took hold of the knife as the demon bent to grip her round the throat. He lifted her, crushing her voicebox and leaving her gasping for breath. The knife was gripped tightly in her hand but in this position she could do nothing but hang limply.



Fear cascaded in properly for the first time. She was alone, in the dark, with a demon… and Buffy was four blocks away. Why had she insisted she could walk home alone fine? Stupid, stupid, stupid…



“You’re going to give something to me,” he rasped, his breath blowing in her face. He smelt like rotten cabbages and dead fish. What did these guys eat?



“I want your brain!” OK, so brain…



He moved one hand and placed it on her forehead. She used the lessening of his grip as a chance to swing the knife wildly into his face. She stabbed him somewhere around his cheek, if he’d had a cheek. There were so many bumps and tendrils of slime it was hard to really say what his face looked like. He screamed and let go of her. She crashed to the ground and groaned as she felt her ankle give as she collapsed on it. Dragging herself up, she attempted running but a roar came from behind and a heavy claw crashed into her head. Ground and she connected once again, and she was kicked so hard in the stomach she was totally winded and flipped over onto her back. He was towering, huge and menacing and angry, up over her, blocking out the night sky, dominating her vision.



So this it then… Willow felt her fear surge up and grip her heart, freezing her in place.



“Hey!” The yell came from somewhere over the demon’s shoulder. As he spun round, Willow levered herself up enough to see… Tara. Battle face on, legs set slightly apart and an axe in her hand. Willow’s heart both leapt at seeing her and was petrified that she was now here and going to get herself killed.



“What?” the demon growled.



“I believe you have something that belongs to me!” Tara challenged.



“You want to play too? So I get two for one… fine by me!” the demon growled. He stepped towards her.



“Nah, you can’t have her. She’s mine!” Tara said confidently, the smirk still playing on her face. She raised her left hand as he walked toward her and threw a spell at Willow. As it hit, Willow felt the protection barrier wrap itself around her, and she felt the love that had been cast along with the spell fill and surround her. “You’re dealing with me now…”



“I’m gonna crush you!” he snarled.



“… and my friends!” Tara grinned. The demon’s head snapped up in confusion as Buffy, Xander and Anya came sprinting round the corner, Buffy way out in front. As he stared at the approaching Scoobies, seeing the tables turned on him, Tara swung the axe. It sliced deeply into his arm, and he roared in pain, striking out with his other arm and knocking Tara away from him and to the ground.



“Tara!” Willow screamed, but she was alright, and already on her feet. Buffy launched into the demon, sending him flying. They traded blows in rapid succession and Buffy kicked him backwards into the wall close to Tara. Xander was on his knees next to Willow, asking if she was OK, but all Willow could do was watch, still petrified for Tara. After a few more kicks from Buffy, the demon was swaying on his feet. Willow watched as Buffy looked at Tara, inviting her, and the blonde swung the axe, hitting the demon’s neck and killing him. As he slumped forward, Tara turned and ran towards Willow, dropping the axe as she ran.



“Will, are you alright?!” She crouched, checking Willow for wounds. All Willow could do was stare helplessly. “Baby, where did you get hit?” Tara looked up and into Willow’s eyes. “Willow?”



“You… you were amazing!” she stuttered. Tara looked a little surprised and then just smiled.



“Yeah, great slay, Tara,” Buffy said, standing above them.



“You said I was yours…” Willow said wonderingly.



“You are,” the blonde smiled. “You know what else? You didn’t use magick, even when it was your last resort.”



The statement hit Willow. She hadn’t. She hadn’t even thought about using magick. The realisation hit and she let the smile spread across her face, grinning at Tara stupidly.



“No more walking home alone for you though, missy!” Xander scolded. “If Tara hadn’t felt you were in danger, we coulda lost you…”



She was barely paying attention though. Tara’s eyes dominated her world. She could drown in the blueness of them….



Part 5



She opened the door and found a happily grinning Willow standing there.



“Good evening, Miss Maclay!”



Tara gasped. Willow looked utterly stunning. A long deep red evening dress hugged every curve, pushed creamy breasts up and a slit up the side showed off long slim legs. Her hair was swept back to reveal her long perfect neck. Tara’s heart was turning somersaults and she could feel every muscle and sinew in her straining towards Willow, desperate to touch her. She was perfect… perfection.



“You look amazing,” she said in a hushed, awed tone. Willow smiled gently.



“You look kinda incredible yourself, baby,” she said, stepping in towards Tara. Willow leant forward and delicately, almost reverently, kissed Tara’s cheek. Time stopped as Willow’s breath wisped across her cheek, tickling her ear, and Willow’s scent and nearness filled her senses. As Willow drew slowly away, she allowed herself to breath again. She was staring at Willow like a complete lemon, unable to think of anything to say. Willow just grinned, pleased with herself.



“Come on then, talkative! We have places to be…” She grabbed Tara’s hand and pulled her out of the door.



“Where are you taking me?” Tara managed as Willow pulled her down the corridor.



“It’s a big secret! But you’ll like it, I promise!”



As the car pulled up at Antonio’s, one Sunnydale’s swankiest restaurants, Tara shot Willow a look. The redhead just nodded confidently and hopped out of the car, before taking Tara's hand as she climbed out.



“Very gentlemanly of you!’ Tara smirked.



“Hey, I can wear the trousers!” Willow laughed.



The maitre’d smiled when Willow announced them as ‘Misses Rosenberg-Maclay’. Tara saw Willow snatch a quick shy glance at her trying to get Tara’s reaction and for the first time since their split Willow pushing it further than she probably should have actually felt right. She just smiled and reached for Willow’s hand. The redhead slipped her fingers between Tara’s as they followed the maitre’d down the hall. He led them to a room off from the main restaurant.



“Your private dining room…” he bowed a little, and discreetly left, shutting the door behind them as he went.



“Willow…!” Tara breathed, looking about her. The room was beautiful. A table for two sat in the middle, a crisp white cloth covering it, laid with silver cutlery and a beautiful centrepiece. One wall was dominated by a huge bay window, with a seat for two, and starlight flooded the room. “Will, how could you afford this?”



“It’s wonderful, isn’t it?” Willow said happily. She pulled Tara over to the table and picked a bottle of champagne out of the ice bucket that stood by the side of it. Pouring champagne into two flutes set there ready, she gave one to Tara and led her to the window. “This is for you. To show you what you mean to me. I wanted it to be perfect. I just hope…”



Tara stopped her mid-flow, leaning in to press wet lips against Willow’s babble. She was trembling slightly and she found herself leaning into Willow for support. The redhead’s mouth curled round Tara’s, lips parting, inviting her in. Hands groped to put the flutes on the windowsill and then returned to cup cheeks and dive into tangles of hair. Their kisses were soft and lingering, but conveyed all their hunger for each other. Tara knew she was back. Willow’s arms were where she belonged, she’d known that all along, but she hadn’t realised just how good it would feel to be there again.



She drew back, breathlessly, to stare into Willow’s eyes.



“Well, that wasn’t supposed to happen yet!” Willow gasped.



At Tara’s confused look, she quickly explained. “I had the whole evening planned out, and the kissing part came at the end. Like when I was dropping you off, then the kissing came. Not that I’m not glad it didn’t come now, and boy, that was more kissing than I’d hoped to get, but….”



Tara laughed and hugged Willow to her, her chin slipping easily into its place between Willow’s neck and shoulder.



“Willow Rosenberg, I love you,” she whispered.



There was silence and then a tiny sound, and when Tara drew back, she found Willow struggling to speak but choked on tears that threatened to spill. Tara smiled and shook her head. “Not tonight, no tears…” She leaned in and kissed Willow again, and this time her kisses weren’t gentle at all, but passionate and demanding. Pushing Willow back and up against the wall roughly, she pulled Willow’s dress up and slid her thigh in between her legs, letting Willow press herself down hard on the bared skin of her leg. Tara leaned in to bite Willow’s earlobe and smiled slightly as she did so. Willow wasn’t wearing undies…



Hands that were slipping across silky material to push straps out of the way, teeth that were buried in skin, dropping tiny biting kisses on places that were so familiar and so achingly needed, were suddenly stopped by a knock on the door. They drew apart instantly and shared a silent laugh as they rushed to put Willow’s dress back where it should be and Tara’s hair into some kind of order. The maitre’d and two bug-eyed waiters entered at Willow’s call and announced that dinner was served. Tara felt Willow’s excitement rushing through her fingertips as they stroked her hand softly. One glance at the redhead and she knew Willow was just as agonisingly turned on as she was. She shook her head slightly, laughing to herself and sat down opposite Willow.



“My turn to make the toast… you made it at dinner last week!” Tara smiled. Willow nodded, meeting her eyes. “My toast is to you… smiling again, like I haven’t seen you smile for far too long…”



“and to you…” Willow interrupted, “for making me smile.”



They smiled at each other and clinked their glasses before drinking, their eyes not breaking contact. Tara could do nothing but think how utterly beautiful she looked tonight.



“So do you,” Willow smiled.



“What?”



“You look beautiful too… really beautiful. You always do, Tari.”



Tara knew she was undressing Willow with her eyes; she had been all evening, unable to stop. But the sexiest thing about that dress was that it just begged to be stripped off. And the kisses they’d just shared had left her aching…



“Willow…”



“Mmm?” The redhead was cutting into her duck breast.



Tara smiled wickedly. “Can we eat fast please?”



Part 6



They emerged from Antonio’s into a cool, black night. Tara tilted her head skywards and took in the stars twinkling above them. It was a beautifully clear night and the pinpricks of thousands and thousands of stars dominated the sky, as far as she could see.



She felt Willow move in close. Her lips grazed Tara’s upturned neck, just below the chin. Tara shivered at the touch. Willow kissed her way slowly along Tara’s jawline up to her ear, stopped for a minute to suck gently on her earlobe, then trailed her tongue ever so lightly down Tara’s neck to her shoulder. She pushed back the silk shawl Tara had wrapped round her shoulders, and began kissing the skin there, moving infinitely slowly down towards Tara’s breasts. Tara felt herself drift, her senses overloaded; her eyes drinking in the night sky and her entire body electrified at Willow’s soft kisses.



Smiling, she looked down at Willow, and slipping a finger under Willow’s chin, brought her face up to her own. She leaned forward and kissed her. The kiss lasted a long time but did not move further than the lightest touch of their lips. When they finally broke apart, Willow’s eyes were bright with emotion. Tara leant forward and Willow closed her eyes as Tara let the redhead breathe her in for a second, her breath wisping across Willow’s face. She dropped feather light kisses on each of Willow’s eyelids, drew back slowly and then waited for Willow to open them. Her green eyes were heavy lidded with desire as she slowly raised them to meet Tara’s. Just that look was enough to send pulses racing to Tara’s core and set her heart beating furiously. She smiled.



“I’m taking you home, miss, and I’m going to make you come until you forget your name!” Willow grinned back. “In fact, until you forget everything but my name!”



“I’m ready to scream!” Willow whispered. They both giggled, moving in for another kiss, deep this time, as Tara’s tongue probed Willow, searching and finding the desire that matched her own.



They reached Tara’s dorm room after running most of the way home, sweaty and breathless, but giggling and ecstatically happy. They had both shed their shoes at some point and run through the dewy grass of the park towards the dorms. She felt all too deeply the wonderfulness of being back with Willow and of being able to be silly with her again, of being able to be goofy and knowing that she understood and knew what Tara meant more than anyone else ever had. That inner self, the Tara who lived in fantasy worlds and in her dreams more than in reality, only Willow had ever met her in those worlds and shared the delight of them. Her Willow, who was at this moment slipping her arms round her waist from behind, while Tara fumbled for the key, and beginning to slide one finger lightly down the silk of the front of Tara’s dress. A single finger tip traced between Tara's breasts and down her stomach, and was heading further down as Tara squeaked, half with relief at finding the key and half because she felt like she was about to burst if Willow’s finger was allowed any lower.



Opening the door rapidly, she let Willow go in first and then, slamming the door behind her, turned and, very deliberately and slowly, locked it. She muttered two words in Latin. Willow was going to be able to scream all she liked tonight. No one would hear a thing.



She turned towards Willow again but didn’t look at her. Instead she walked to the CD system and, pressing a few buttons, flooded the room with soft music. She picked up a lighter and walked round the room lighting the candles that occupied every spare piece of space. Finally satisfied, she dropped the lighter and finally turned to face Willow, meeting the redhead’s eyes and smiling. Willow was standing, hands together, with a look of such expectation on her face that Tara felt like laughing. She walked towards her and, sliding her hand up under the red hair to hold the back of Willow’s head, she kissed her. First soft, and then hard, and then harder. Willow’s hands crept up to caress Tara’s face but one quickly became tangled in her hair and the other slipped round Tara’s shoulder, pulling her closer.



Tara felt she had waited as long as she could. Everything about the night had left her dizzy and desperate for Willow and now, in her arms, she felt herself erupt with desire. Her hands were everywhere, gripping her ass, sliding her thigh between Willow’s legs, doing all she could do get closer. She kissed a long, wet trail down Willow’s neck, loving the tiny moans coming from the redhead’s throat, and slid her hands down to pull Willow’s dress up. Standing back, she smiled when Willow moaned in protest at the loss of contact.



“I need you naked, baby…” Tara smiled. She slowly pulled Willow’s dress up, revealing first the mound of reddish curls, and then pulling it up and over Willow’s head. It dropped from Tara’s hand to the floor, forgotten. Unhooking Willow’s bra, it followed the dress to the floor. She stood back and stared at the girl before her, drinking her in, and then stepped forward and kissed her again. Her head dropped to kiss Willow’s breasts, amazed all over again at their perfection, as she slipped her tongue over and around them, kissing and sucking.



Willow pulled her up to kiss her again and Tara found herself gasping into the kiss. “I need you!” She caught Willow’s moan in her lips. “I need you… now!”



She pulled Willow down and gently lowered her to the floor. Willow’s hands were grasping at Tara’s dress and she let her pull it off, and remove her bra. Willowfingers were touching the black lace thong that she was wearing but Tara removed them, placed them on her breasts, and settled her legs either side of Willow’s torso, straddling her stomach. She spread her hands and oh so lightly ran her fingertips down Willow’s stomach, eliciting the deep moan she knew it would. Leaning forward, she began kissing and licking her way down the redhead’s body. Her neck… her breasts… her stomach… She looked up at the redhead and smiled. Willow’s face was upturned and her eyes were tightly closed. Tara ran a finger lightly across Willow’s lips. The redhead’s eyes shot open and she gasped, looking down at her girlfriend with desperate eyes.



“Tara… please!” she gasped.



Tara lifted Willow’s leg over her shoulder and traced a line down towards Willow’s cunt. The redhead was moaning, and when Tara plunged a finger into her, the moaning became a cry. Tara began a slow circling of Willow’s clit with her thumb and slid another finger inside. Her strokes were slow at first but as Willow bucked and rocked onto her, desperate for more of Tara inside her, she increased the pace. Another finger, and she curved them upwards, while sliding herself forward to take Willow’s nipple in her mouth.



“Oh, Godd… Goddess!! Tara! Ohhhh….” Willow was close and Tara shut her eyes, allowing herself to sink into the woman she was making love to. Her fingers matched Willow’s bucking and she plunged her fingers in and out as deep as Willow could take. She bit down on Willow’s nipple and pressed her clit hard.



“Tara…. Oh…. TARA!!!” Willow came screaming and her whole body tensed and stiffened as the orgasm shot through her. Opening her eyes to watch Willow’s ecstasy ride through her for a second, she moved to position herself between Willow’s legs. Before the pulses of orgasm had left her body, Tara was licking and sucking on her clit, biting softly and grazing it with her teeth.



“Tara!! Oh my G… TARA!!!!!!!!” Willow bucked under her mouth and screamed once more, and Tara continued licking, as she watched Willow writhe before her. As Willow sank back, exhausted, she slid her body on top of the redhead’s and kissed Willow with lips soaked in her own essence. Willow clutched at her, her tongue reaching deep into Tara’s mouth, and her hands caressing her hair and running through it.



“Oh, Tara!” she gasped into Tara’s mouth. “I love you! I love you, Tari…”



“I know, Will…” Tara kissed Willow again and again, biting her lip and smothering her face with kisses.



She laid her head in its place in Willow’s neck and listened to her heartbeat race.



“D’you remember your name?” she whispered with a smile.



“Memory gone… all blank…” Willow whispered back. Tara could hear the smile in her voice, despite not seeing it.



They lay, holding each other tightly, limbs entwined, for a long time. As their bodies cooled a little, Willow finally drew back and gazed into Tara’s eyes. Tara felt herself drifting once more. She loved this woman more than she could ever express, but somehow, somehow, looking into Willow’s eyes, she knew she expressed it all.



Willow smiled.



“Your turn…”





Part 7



“Mmmnf…” Willow moaned as she drifted into consciousness, pulling reluctantly away from a warm dream about Miss Kitty getting trapped in a dark place and Tara coming to rescue her… “Tara?” Her eyes snapped open and found Tara’s smiling face in front of her own. Willow smiled. “You’re here…”



“Where did you think I’d be?”



“I don’t know… it’s just good that you’re here.” The blonde nodded and leaned forward to kiss Willow on the nose. “This is my favourite way to wake up…”



“And mine… In fact, it’s the only way to wake up, with my very own hot water bottle wrapped all over me…” Tara grinned. Willow scrunched her nose up at her, laughing silently. She was wrapped around Tara, lying on top of her with her arms and legs comfortably tangled up with Tara’s own. She shifted a little, raising herself up on an elbow, to look down into Tara’s face better.



“You have a pillow line…” she stroked a finger down the little dent in Tara’s cheek.



“Rumple face,” Tara smiled. “And you have morning hair,” the blonde reached up and ruffled her fingers through it.



“I think you actually mussed that up last night, vixen!’ Willow teased, poking her gently in the ribs. Tara blushed slightly.



“Hey, I’ve missed you… what can I say?” she grinned.



“Was I complaining?!” Willow giggled. “I love it when you take control. You gave me rug burn…” Smiling, she bent and kissed the blonde slowly, relaxing into her and only drawing away reluctantly. She nuzzled her way into the hollow of Tara’s neck, kissing the skin and resting her head there. Tara’s arms tightened around her and one hand began slowly stroking Willow’s side. Infinitely feather-light strokes that sent shivers of electricity racing round her body.



She allowed herself to daydream for a second. The first time Tara had ever touched her like this had been the moment she realised exactly what her feelings for the blonde really meant. Lying with Tara by her side in the park, Willow had lain watching the clouds puff themselves into funny shapes above her. She had been giving them silly names, describing the shapes they made to Tara, and Tara’s hand had begun stroking her side, just as she was now. It was subconscious, instinctive; something so completely Tara, the way she touched and reached out without thinking about it. Willow had lain there, feeling Tara’s fingers prompt a storm of electricity and desire in her body, and had felt more turned on in that time of quiet than Oz had ever made her feel.



She’d turned to Tara, feeling dizzy and breathless, and looked up at those blue eyes and suddenly realised who this girl was, what she meant, everything she would become. Willow sighed, snuggling further into Tara as she remembered.



“You OK?”



“Mmmm… very OK. Thinking about the moment I fell in love with you…” Willow smiled into Tara’s neck.



“Happy thoughts…”



“Very happy thoughts.”



“Are you going to take a shower with me before we go for breakfast?” Tara asked. Her voice was way too innocent sounding. Willow lifted her head and stared at her. Tara was struggling not to giggle, and the mock-sexy face she was trying to pull just so didn’t work.



“OK, miss! I’ll take a shower with you if you let me pick out your outfit for today?” Willow grinned.



“I’ll end up in leather trousers and a corset if you dress me…” the blonde half-complained.



“No, just a sexy outfit like the one you wore to the last Scooby meeting. I like you in tight jeans!” Willow giggled. “It’s spicy!”



“And you call me a vixen?”



“I just like the new and improved Tari…”



“I’m not ‘new and improved’…” Tara chuckled.



“OK, just new ‘Spicy Tara’ then! She’s hot, whatever!”



“And she wasn’t before?” Tara arched an eyebrow, stroking a strand of hair away from Willow’s face.



“She was, now she’s just hotter! Much, much hotter…” Willow giggled and squirmed delightedly as one of Tara’s hands tickled her side. Suddenly the blonde rolled Willow off her, flipped her onto her back and slid into place on top of her, settling her weight carefully. Her veil of silky blonde hair fell down until it closed them off in a tiny little world of their own.



“See, she takes control! I like…” Willow started. But the sentence was stopped by Tara leaning down and kissing her deeply. Nipping at Tara’s bottom lip, Willow let herself wonder how kissing Tara could get better every single time, and then all thoughts were swept aside as Tara’s tongue invaded her mouth, pushing, searching, exploring, and Tara pressed herself closer and harder into Willow, her body dominating the redhead’s. Willow moaned as Tara met skin with skin, until she was covering Willow’s body completely with her own, until every part of them was touching.



They drew apart briefly to stare at each other breathlessly. Willow regarded her girl for a second, drinking in her smile and the love in her eyes. Then she reached up to pull Tara down again. A tangle of lips and tongues and the sensations soaring through Willow overtook her. She was safe. She was found. She was home.



FINIS