Hopefully this is amusing. I haven't done anything is a long time, and hopefully this means I am getting back into it and not gone. Maybe the Journal will get an update soon. Hey, it could happen. Anyway...
Title: Yak Cheese
Author: Garner
Email:
Garner502@yahoo.comPairings: W/T
Rating: PG juvenile
Disclaimer: Yeah, whatever, they’re not mine.
Summary: This is a silly little vignette to help me get back into the swing of writing and based on the comment Willow made in Wrecked (yes I know, wretched ep. not worth a damn) about stinky yak cheese. This works better if you picture Willow and Tara more as anime versions of themselves, sort of like early Dirty Pair (not Flash, which is nowhere near as good) rather than live action.
Note: Written June 2007
“Um, Willow? Why is your bra lumpy?”
“Well, if you move your hand around some more it’ll get a little bumpier,” the redhead giggled, her grinning face just visible above the covers.
“And squishier?” Asked the blonde lying snuggled up beside her.
“That would be the cheese,” Willow answered and the blanket stopped moving. “No, wait, it’s the hand thing, really, I wanna go with the hand.”
“The what?” A quizzical look furrowed Tara’s forehead, and she slid a bit away from her lover, shaking her head as a whiff of air escaped from under the sheet and blanket.
Willow sighed, “I put it there last night.”
“Oh, so that’s what that smell is,” Tara stated, keeping the bedding firmly pressed against her chest and making no move to get closer to the other. “For a second I thought you ate at Dave’s Tacorama again.”
“Heh, burritos as big as your head,” Willow smiled again, though it was short lived. “Wait, whadda ya mean by that?”
The blonde Wiccan lifted herself up on one arm. “Come on, you go there about once a month.”
“So? I love their burritos.”
“Sweety, they don’t love you.”
“No way!”
“Why do you think the window’s open?”
“It was a nice night.”
“At 50 degrees?”
“Well I thought you wanted to snuggle and that just made it more fun,” the redheaded witch said with a small pout. Glimpsing the other’s raised eyebrow she added, “Well, all right I did think it was weird you ended up all the way on the other side.”
“And with all the covers?”
Willow propped herself up and glared. “Yeah, what’s up with that? Normally…”
“Normally, I don’t…”
“And my back was…Oh come on, it’s not that bad! Well, maybe it is now, but not usually when you do the usual unusual...um, that is,” a frown crossed her face. “Uh, blanket hoggery.”
“Will, if I don’t let the air out, lifting up the sheets in the morning is a life-threatening event.”
Willow turned her head away and harrumphed.
“You remember when Dawnie put in that Glade thing in the bathroom?”
The redhead brightened knowing the answer to that one and turned back saying, “Sure, that was about a month after we moved…Hey!”
“You seen Miss Kitty around last night or this morning?”
“What? No. That is, she got up off the bed just after we got in and went downstairs or something.”
“And she does that…”
The narrow-eyed glare returned. “Maybe once a month or so.”
“Un-huh,”
“Means nothing.”
“Riiight. You know how she gets when you cough or sneeze and she’s sitting on your lap?”
“Yeah,” the redhead answered slowly, signs of concentration on her face as she tried to figure out the trick to the question. “She doesn’t like being bounced around or jostled.”
“And…”
“Oh, please, you’re not suggesting…”
“You woke yourself up once,” the blonde said, trying to stifle a laugh.
“Fine,” Willow said and turned away from her partner. Her frown deepened as she realized she was half exposed.
“Fine,” Tara mimicked and turned the opposite direction, snug under the blankets and sheets.
“So we’ve devolved into Terrence and Phillip now?” Willow grumbled.
“I don’t know what you’re talking a-boot,” Tara said sweetly and snickered.
“Too much Cartoon Network for you,” the other snapped and let out an exasperated sigh. “And I do not.”
She angrily grabbed the edge of the bedding and rolled to take back the covers.
A sudden squeal followed by a thud filled the room as the redhead hit the floor.
“God bless it now they’re both all mushy!” Willow exclaimed rolling over, one hand probing her chest.
Tara’s suppressed laughter got clearer as her red face appeared over the edge of the bed.
“Eww, and stinkier!”
“This is all your fault.” Willow said, standing up and throwing the blanket and sheet over her still shaking girlfriend. She pulled her shirt and bra out and looked down the top, then made a face. “Uggh, this is sooo gross.”
“Um, Will, WHY do you have cheese in your bra?”
“I think I’m getting a rash,” the distracted redhead stated still looking down her shirt.
“Will, sweety, why?”
“Cuz of this stupid yak cheese!”
“No, why is it there?”
“Oh, well that’s because the ritual in that little red book, which I know is yours but I just had to see what was in it since you never mention it and it has some pretty cool spells that I figured we could try together since it’s the start of summer and though it really has been unusually cool and the proper herbs are probably going to be a month late, but we can have Giles get us some even if they won’t be hand cut and all they should still work and the spell says keep yak cheese close to your heart for three days and let your body warm it which is pretty odd and it really is wicked stinky but necessary I suppose if we’re going to share auras and be able to see the aura of an area or the residue of spell energy which would really help Buffy as we could tell her if someone was killed there or something evil had been by and I was thinking if we crossed it with the DaVarey spell we could maybe track something by its astral passage and the red book has all these cool spells for use in the astral so I figured it would be best to prepare stuff ahead of time and you wouldn’t believe what I went through to get the stuff in the first place, I mean I had…”
A dizzy look filled Tara’s face and her eyes crossed as she tried to follow the other’s rapid monolog, though the furrow in her brow indicated a lack of success.
“Hold on there, Gilmore,” she finally butted in, ending the other’s motor-mouth babble. “Are you talking about The Applications of Your Astral Form by Red Hawk?”
“That’s the little red book, right?”
“On the top shelf?” Willow nodded and Tara half smiled before dissolving into more snorts of laughter.
“Now what?” Willow demanded moving closer to her lover, whose chuckles ended in a gag and she jerked back.
“Oh, Goddess, Will, didn’t you finish the book?”
“Well I read the first part and the portions with the spells and skipped around a bit and was going to finish the rest today or tomorrow but just got so intrigued with the possibilities that I…”
“The last couple chapters give the details and definitions, sweety,” Tara explained, putting some stray locks of long blonde hair behind her ear. “Keeping it close to your heart just means taking the cheese out and saying a heartfelt prayer to the Goddess at sunset and dawn. Letting your body warm it means letting your astral form fall over it and your energy flow into it, before you say the prayers. Didn’t you read…”
“Um, guess I, that is…” a bright red-faced Willow stammered. “Quit laughing or I’ll come over there.” When this had no effect she added, “maybe I’ll go by Dave’s…”
Tara raised her hands and said, “Whoa, I give.” Wiping at the tears from her eyes she added, “You win.”
“Damn straight.”
“Says the woman with mushy cheese in her bra.”
“You’re asking for it!”
“No, really, I’m not.”
Willow thought her wide grin seemed to indicate otherwise. “You know wicked witches always get their just deserts.”
“As longs as they don’t get any dairy products.”
“Hmph, well this bites!” the redhead pulled at her top to look at the mess once more. This time the wafting aroma almost made her gag. “I swear sometimes I think it was just a bunch of frat guys writing these spells. Laughing to each other and saying,” Willow tried her deep Xander voice “heh, listen to this, I wrote that they should put a fish in their pants for three days,”
“And his drunken buddy probably went, ‘Dude, make it seven,’” Tara added in a similar attempt at a male voice. Both girls laughed for a moment until Willow scratched at her chest and her annoyed look returned.
“And this was all for nothing? Sometimes magic sucks.” She put her hands on her hips and stood glaring at no-one in particular.
Tara smiled again and thought about kissing the achingly lovely girl across from her, but didn’t think her stomach could endure it. “You’re gonna have to burn those clothes,” she observed.
“Well I’m certainly not WEARING them again. Maybe we should give them to the Salvation Army?”
Tara shook her head, “Aw, what did they ever do to you?”
“All right, all right. I guess it’s off to the shower,” Willow stated, giving the other girl a mock glare, daring her to make any further comments.
“Maybe in fifteen minutes I’ll join you,” Tara said silkily with a lopsided smile.
Willow beamed as she grabbed another top and headed past her lover toward the exit. Tara coughed, adding, “better make that a half hour.”
The redhead rolled her eyes as she left the room and started down the hall.
Dawn stuck her head out, loudly asking, “So are we going…” Her nose wrinkled and she grimaced, exclaiming, “Eww, not Dave’s Tacorama again!” as she quickly withdrew and shut her door.
“Hey!”
A few moments later the sound of falling water finally drowned out Tara’s laughter.
END.
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