regretting

[kivrin]

Disclaimer: well, you all know everything, don’t you? These characters aren’t mine and I don’t own anything but my imagination…so, as you could guess I’m not rich. What is a pitty

N/A: ok, it wasn’t really about willow, and Tara , in fact it wasn’t a fic either but I wanted to find a special present and I couldn’t do it, yes, I’ll burn in hell, I’m a bad girlfriend ’. So, here we go, a one shot about how everything starts, when one of your best friends, your soulmate, looks hot and spicy and what is more…she sleeps in the same bed! Goddess how was I supposed to stand it? Huh I mean…willow.

********************* Regretting Time *******************
Minutes were flying by; every moment spent with her was being intense, special, different as ever.
It didn’t feel different from the other times, hugging her, holding her hands, kissing her on the cheek…

It have always felt good, her milky skin around me, her hands caressing my back and those eyes staring happily at me, telling me she’d spend her whole life by my side, as a friend, of course!

We were getting very close, I think sleeping in her dorm during a few days was a good idea, wait…sleeping! I don’t remember sleeping at all…I mean we slept but not that kind of sleep you’d call sleeping, ok, it sounds naughty….we spend every night talking, joking and hugging, there might be some subtext in our conversations but I never got it….and…huh, I’m babbling again.

As I was saying that July was being as normal as any month could be in Sunnydale, but a new whole world appeared in front of my eyes one night:
We were sitting on a couch, I was sitting on her lap and she was stroking my hair while I was reading a spell in a book aloud. It was nice; I like her to listen to me.

“wait a sec, I bet I’ve heard my cell phone” she said with a strange voice, she seemed almost worried, but my thoughts about her behaviour flew away as soon as she stood up leaving me on the couch, alone. Then I could see her standing on her feet, walking trough the room. She was always mysterious and she had that sensual way to do everything…

I’d look her doing anything for hours I thought look at her…she’s so shy, she’ll never tell you what she’s feeling but you can read her emotions in her body, in the way she walks, the way she moves her hands, her gaze…oh Tara you’re so..what am I thinking?!!

“who rang?” I said

“who what? Oh! Cell phone, yeah well It should have been my imagination. Don’t worry” she said.

“cm’here” I invited spreading my arms

“ huh will, I’m sorry but I’m a bit tired and tomorrow we mustn’t be late, we’ve got Scooby meeting and…

what is happening? She’s kinda nervous, like she’s hiding me something.

“ooouch why do we always do whatever you want?” I pouted

“may be ‘cause I’m older, I’m the sensible one and what is more…you can’t resist my charms”

If I hadn’t been so shocked I’d have noticed her blushing
has she said what I think I’ve heard? “yeah I swear it.” oh shit, how could I say it? Willow! Can you just control yourself? She will think that you…but it isn’t true because, you know…Oz, yeah Oz and I…couple mode there and…huh come on will stop hyperventilating it’s not good to your brain, yeah now come to reality and pray for the stupid expression that babble mode leaves in your face to disappear.

Tara stared at me and reached her hand to me at the same time, and then she realized I was going on my mental babble and stood up walking to the toilet.

“hmm, Tara…?” I asked knocking on the toilet’s door “did I do something that bothered you? May be I said something wrong…” I moved closer to the door trying to hear her, I was afraid that she would be crying, but in fact I was the one who was fighting the crying thing. Finally she started opening the door slowly

.
“y-you didn’t, I-I mean you didn’t do a-anything wrong Will, it’s o-o-ok I was just..”


why was she stuttering? Thought she was ok with me. “what is it?” I asked her a bit worried.

“What is it ...What? There’s nothing…what d-do you m-me-mean Will?

“You’re nervous, aren’t you? You never stutter with me …what’s wrong sweetie?” I met her gaze focusing on keep eye contact with her and when she rose her eyes to lock them with mines I shivered. A sudden lack of air invaded my brain as I lost myself in strange thoughts and feelings. There, the two of us frozen under the door frame.

We stared like this for what seemed a year and during this eternal amount of seconds I read her mind and so she did with me. Somehow the book I was holding fell noisily to the floor breaking our connection and she gasped in shock.

I stood up and walked closer to her, I never had felt so linked, so much needed and so much wanted for anyone before. I needed to hold that woman tight and let the world blow away without the two of us. I knew she felt that need too; I wanted to tell her she was one of my most special friends ever.

I kissed her on the cheek enjoying that soft touch. She tried to show me a shy smile; she couldn’t. however I caressed her jaw line with my thumbs to let her know I understood her intentions through she was unable to move.

“It’s ok, we are friends you mean a lot to me” I said wanting to calm her down while begging to calm me too. I wasn’t sure about what we had just done, we shared a moment of mental connection which had been very different from other times, it wasn’t just magic

…but…but….it couldn’t be love. Well, ok why not? We are friends, close friends and I do love her! God I really need her. She’s hypnotizing, I love her scent. Without thinking I started running my hands up and down her back, caressing every inch of it with extremely calm. She sighed and squeezed my body like she was letting herself go into her fears for the first time in life.

I couldn’t help feeling uncomfortable and comfortable at the same time. I let myself go into my doubts too diving in Tara’s scent like never before. At the time she was breathing near my ear but it didn’t feel like the other times when one of us was crying or just hiding from the world in the other’s arms, her breathing was rhythmical, significant, and practically erotic.

Trough I didn’t want to believe it I started wanting to catch her breath, to make it mine and keep it safe inside of my body. I opened my eyes and they found a suddenly appetizing sight, her skin.

Silky, pale, young and hot skin of hers shivers were racing through my own skin if I could kiss it, hmm…Tara’s shoulders…what could be more wonderful? Huh, I know…Tara’s neck…Waouh

I stopped thinking when I felt the most intense sensation in my whole life, I couldn’t’ believe what she was doing. Her lips were licking my own neck and she seemed to enjoy my smell as well as I enjoyed hers.

Could her be flirting? Was it a sign of what scared her minutes ago? Was it a sign of what I was scared of? It was like if she had read my thoughts but she felt strong enough to do what we both were dreaming.

I parted our bodies for a second to look at my from-right-now-favourite-eyes and I smiled at her confused but flirting look. Since she was nervous and confused as I was I understood it was my time to tease her and find out what were we going, and what the hell was happening.

Somehow everything passed by through my mind as a short movie and I almost start crying. Instead of it I decided to be brave, yeah like in brave heart, I always liked that film, or like the amazons, amazons are better, at least they're hot.

yeah that’s it will, you have to be strong, strong like amazons. You have her in your arms you want her, she wants you…you’re friends, it’s not like friends can’t kiss at all, you’ve always kissed her but…those lips…they’re appetizing and…but no no no! No way willow, you can lose her, your precious relationship. No, never ever touch her lips …you might like it and then how could you still be friends? Does she doubt like me? What does she want? Right now I can read her desire in her cheeks turning redder. Wow, what is she doing now? She’s leaning to me; oh wow is she going to kiss me? Oh my god it can’t be happening we’re just friends…

“Tara…I…” she gently kissed my nose “love you” I finished my sentence a few seconds later and her smile widened.

I wrapped her waist and pushed her to our bed until she was resting on her back and I could lean on the top of her. We embarrassed each other and our eyes made contact again.

She kissed my nose again and at the same time I kissed her chin so our faces fit perfectly and I could almost feel the warmth in her mouth. We played this silly game until I decided to change the rules and moved up to kiss her nose. As she did her way down to get to my chin we caressed each other’s lips and a spark of energy lit up our souls.

“I love you” we gasped at the same time.

I couldn’t help hugging her closer fearful but surprised of the intensity of her power on me. She was a witch, she was my friend, she was a beautiful woman but I still don’t know what of this facts made her the Goddess she is.

In that moment I was the happiest woman in the world but I really didn’t want to think what was about to happen. The silly “I-kiss-your-nose-you-kiss-my-chin-game” went on during some minutes, may be hours because I couldn’t think straight, until one of us stopped her trip from nose to chin totally frustrated and finally trapped the other’s lips starting our sweet battle.

I remember losing my mind, my body, every possibility of taking control of the situation sweep away. We started with gentle kissing, then it turned in a more passionate kissage and finally we tangled our bodies and melted our spirits to create a new woman who wasn’t me but she wasn’t Tara either.

After giving me to my friend like I never did before with Oz by just kissing her, I get some control again and I realized what we were doing. I stopped the kiss and asked her kinda worried.

“We’ll regret tomorrow, won’t we?”

“Provably” she answered and kissed me fiercely to make me know that if it never happened again we should get drunk of the magic that filled the dorm.

That night, the end of our life hurt very much but we were born gain in a different world where the sun was brighter. I woke up blushing because of the dream I had where Tara and I fell asleep in some moment while sharing our new found love.

Suddenly I felt uncomfortable and I opened my eyes to meet Tara’s face in front of me, just a few inches away. It hadn’t been a dream, It happened. The truth hit my heart and broke it like a cold arrow.

She was looking at me, she had already been awake for some time and now she was talking to me with her eyes again. It was my Tara.

ok willow, it is regretting time, it was wonderful while it was reality but from now it must be your own fantasy…at least thank her for showing you heaven

“Tara…I” she didn’t let me say anything, she put a hand on my neck and pulled me near her to kiss me again with a mixture of love, passion, hope and truth that filled my heart.

“ ‘morning baby”

Tara…my Tara…my lover.

[willohand]

Uhhhh

[Thianne]

this is absolutely beautiful. how did you manage to write something this powerful, sweet and sensual at the same time? you're truly talented

[Guppy]

Wow That was awesome! Ditto to what the other two have said! Amazing

[sinkinghearts]

wow! what a beutiful story. nice way of putting how realizations can sometimes be achieved in such situations. i love the confusion that was around them, and how they have managed to get over it.

btw, i would love to wake up in the same situation as willow

[kivrin]

thank you very much!!
I didn't expect anyone to review 'cause I thought I hadn't post it. I had a loading error or something and I guessed it hadn't work so I decided to try again later.
...yay!! it's nice to hear ya'll liked it! thank you thank yo thank you!!

huh by the way, what's the difference between diferent colored pens and the archive? well think the archive is for complete fics but I wanted to post there and I couldn't. if any admin reads it .....eemb could you please move it to there? just because it's finished and it may be a wrong location.
however thank youuu really ....I guess you got it, i've said it almost 20 times

[willohand]

I for one am glad you made this mistake , thinking you put it else where. My god woman talk about great writting this is certaintly as good as one shots get. So no chance even if all us kitties begged, pleaded and would you bless us with another fic or maybe even a conitiunation of this, your brillant fic?
On the chance we dont get another just let me say and not to forget and thank you very much for this one.

[Thianne]

may i suggest something? maybe you could separate more the sentences, like:

“wait a sec, I bet I’ve heard my cell phone” she said with a strange voice, she seemed almost worried, but my thoughts about her behaviour flew away as soon as she stood up leaving me on the couch, alone.Then I could see her standing on her feet, walking trough the room.

She was always mysterious and she had that sensual way to do everything…I’d look her doing anything for hours I thought look at her…she’s so shy, she’ll never tell you what she’s feeling but you can read her emotions in her body, in the way she walks, the way she moves her hands, her gaze…oh Tara you’re so..what am I thinking?!!

“who rang?” I said

“who what? Oh! Cell phone, yeah well It should have been my imagination. Don’t worry” she said.

“cm’here” I invited spreading my arms

“ huh will, I’m sorry but I’m a bit tired and tomorrow we mustn’t be late, we’ve got Scooby meeting and…

what is happening? She’s kinda nervous, like she’s hiding me something.

“ooouch why do we always do whatever you want?” I pouted

“may be ‘cause I’m older, I’m the sensible one and what is more…you can’t resist my charms”

If I hadn’t been so shocked I’d have noticed her blushing

it's kinda easier to read it that way....

[kivrin]

A/N: it's short, a really tiny bit but I've got no time! my girlfriend is coming to visit in 4 days! yay!!! and this story reminds me so much of her...I get very hysteric while writing. I hope 'll write some more soon. until then...enjoy the little twist on the plot.

thoughts are written "like this"
and dialog "like this"


Two weeks later…

"oh, it went well, the second question gave me some troubles ‘cause you know….linear equations are easy until you start to question if they’re really linear, imagine Buffy it could be a trick! But it wasn’t, no, the question was about a linear equation and the equation was in fact, linear. I concluded it after some calcules…"

"Will, I’d have just made a division! Are you sure it was necessary to prove that history of the linear or nor linear equation to solve the question?"

"Eer….no, I think it wasn’t but I kinda got bored with the exam and …"

While willow and buffy walked out of the expresso pump talking about that maths exam Tara passed by without noticing them and Willow got lost in her thoughts.

"mm…Will? …Willow? Hey! Willow come down to earth please!"

"Ah…what?"

"You’re getting obsessed with you classes, were you thinking in a theory to turn easy questions in tortouring exams again?"

"Exams? What are you talking about?" answered Willow slowly like if she were still lost in herself.

At that point Buffy saw Willow’s new friend. How could she be in the spresso? They had just left it and she hadn’t seen her then. She definitely used to go unnoticed, it wasn’t the first time Buffy felt like this.
Unfortunately Tara couldn’t be unnoticed by Willow, not since the first moment she saw those blue eyes, and this time wasn’t an exception.

"isn’t that your friend, Tara Will?"

"Who?.." asked willow turning to the espresso again "Oh…Tara…my...my friend? No! I mean…yeah we are friends, friends are nice, friends from the Wicca group, and I’ve got lots of friends in the Wicca group."

"But I thought you left it" frowned Buffy

"Yes, but they’re nice people, horrible wiccans but not like Tara, she’s not horrible, no no! She’s nice, nice witch you know…definitely nice, yes that’s it."

"Willow, you’re taking too much caffeine because of the exams I think"

the slayer rolled her eyes and waved her hand when she saw Tara looking at them trough the windows in the espresso pump.
Tara smiled shyly and somehow managed to walk to them.

"hi…"

"hi, Tara this is …er…this is Buffy, my friend."

"will, we’ve met before, do you remember? I’m sorry Tara, Willow is kinda nervous" willow was blushing "I bet you are too, those hard exams and work to do…phew University sounds too difficult to me." Buffy smiled to comfort the hysterical shyness that poured from the blonde’s eyes.

" well, yes, it’s ha…hard but …I…I like studying" stated Tara " plus Wi….willow help...p…ped me with maths. And I’ve got ju..just an exam left to do.

"really? Wow Will, but she’s older, it means you can teach something you’ll be studing in two years? My God…"

- huh…Tara I’m sorry we,…we should go.

Buffy felt something was strange. They weren’t late, in fact they didn’t have a plan, furthermore Willow used less than 10 words. Something was wrong.

"will you come tonight? " said Tara, and somehow her voice threatened to die in that same moment, so it sounded almost like a pleading question.

"Yes….yeah we…have to talk, about…that spell"

"I see! You’ve been working on other thinks than maths lately…that’s why you two look so tired." Buffy said in a triumphal tone. " well I must go training, I bet you guys have to work a lot for you exams so…I’ll see you in the Scooby meeting tomorrow will." she looked at tara " hey, and you too, since you’ve assisted at some recently ones …I guess you’re going to be one of us for a while, don’t you think Will? You two did a nice work with the last demon." the slayer blinked and hugged Willow before leaving the couple alone.

"So, she…doesn’t know yet."

"No, she doesn’t fortunately, she hasn’t noticed anything."

"Yes...thank Goddess" answered the blonde, and for the first time Willow perceived something sarcastic in Tara’s voice.


In Tara’s dorm.

The two witches were lying on the bed, each one trying to focus on their notebooks, but the two of them stealing guilty glances.

"everything has become weird lately "Tara thought. she loves me, as a friend but I guessed she liked me too

"everything has become weird lately" Willow told to herself “not weird like…that oxygenated form of human haemoglobin I’ve got noted here in a corner of my notebook, weird as…borrowing a book you want to read desperately and then leaving it under the laptop so you see it everyday but never dare to read it. Yeah weird…just weird.”

“she isn’t either paying attention to the notes nor me. But I don’t complain…I always knew we wouldn’t be together. I just hoped we’d be friends and I’d finally forget about us in a romantic way.” Tara looked at Willow directly, the redhead was too focused on her mental conversation that didn’t look back at her friend.

“why the hell did you kiss me Willow Rosenberg? To leave me those whole weeks lost? What has happened. What am I in your mental universe? Shit…may be it all was a mistake.” Tara’s eyes went hot, she could feel them become warmer every second until she parted them from Willow, unable to cop with the absent attitude.

In that moment the argument between Willow and herself stopped, a sharp conclusion made them shut up.

“I’m hiding”

When Willow realized why Tara was so quiet, and why those nights she hadn’t sleep, she stared at Tara and what she saw brought a new pain into her soul.

Since the last day they slept together their relationship had changed for sure, but it wasn’t what Tara had expected, or what Willow had either. They snuggled together during the morning and had lunch in the campus holding hands and caressing each other.

But when willow went home that afternoon everything became weird. She couldn’t see her friend the same way, and in fact she didn’t know how to react, how to talk, how to look at Tara she had trouble even deciding how to call her. Suddenly they were so close that they didn’t know each other. Willow was so scared that without willing she started to avoid the blonde.

However every night she tried to explain why she felt so scared of Tara and the only thing she got every night were flashing memories of Tara’s lips leaning, Tara’s body moving close and caressing her own body, Tara’s hair dancing and tangled with her fingers…just Tara, her beautiful Tara…just too perfect to be true, and so difficult to understand.

During the long seconds Willow had spent looking at Tara and summing up the recent events in her mind the other girl got desperate, she thought Willow would say something but she remained silent.

“Everything seemed so easy, so perfect that I thought I had won you. But I got it …you just felt like having a taste.” Tara cried also quietly, savouring every drop of bitter sadness on her mind.

"Tara! Hey…you’re almost crying!" said Willow all of a sudden when she left babble-land and saw the wonderful girl hiding her face under her hair to avoid her. " What’s wrong? Are you tired? May be we should stop studying for some minutes."

Willow reached for Tara’s face but the blonde wiccan parted her cheeks from Willow’s fingers.

"Tara ...what are you doing? " willow said hurt.

"I don’t know, what are YOU doing? What are WE doing? Please tell me, and then you could explain me what am I supposed to do too, ‘cause I don’t even know it. " Tara surprised the redhead with the strength of her words

"What’s happening?"

"That’s my point! I dunno Will…one day we were friends, the next woke up embracing you and it wasn’t a dream, you kissed me back and we spent the day smiling because we found out something new. I guessed it was good, it seemed that you were attracted to me but I can see you’re not interested anymore " Tara’s voice lost power and her words became more sad than angry." It’s the problem isn’t it? You don’t know how to tell me.

"No!...I…I don’t know what to say, it’s just too difficult."

"Ok, I understand. It’s just that you could have thought it before it went so far. You…..you…have hurt me willow."

Willow let a tear escape and roll over her cheek. And that tear which came from the deepest place in her soul tried to talk to Tara’s tears; But Tara’s soul wouldn’t talk to anyone or anything during the following weeks.
Not that willow tears weren’t welcome, but Tara was far to scared and getting close to the redhead’s soul again would kill her, slow and painfully.
the worst was than something about the bitter sensation of loosing the oportunity to kiss willow again, the pain that the redhead caused on her was touching one of the oldest and deepests scars on Tara's heart.

[willohand]

no no no NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! OHMYGOD whats happening? They only just found each other and now their lost? This is not good. They need to talk.Willow needs to say something.Do something before Tara leaves her emotionally. Oh please if you care anything for my mental stability you will not take this beautiful loving fanfic to the dark side. I beg of you. Pleeassssssssse.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

heartbreaking...more? please?

[kivrin]

ouuuch!!!! sorry to the lack of posting. I'll work on it this weekend 'cause I'm really bussy with my research project. you know. ...my PC's almost dead I've been tortouring it with my research and....he he poor baby.
so, don't worry I'll continue. hope it's soon. and thanx for reviewing!!!
don't worry willowhand I'm in love and it means they won't suffer eternally....I'll be a nice person and they'll have a good time finally.

[willohand]

Oh thank god coz you know I was worried. you have a fan in me.

[kivrin]

a really really tiny bit!! I have to go!


**********************************************

Soon after their argument Willow left Tara’s dorm.

Tara was crying quietly until she heard the door closing against willow’s back; it was a great metaphor, or so she thought.

“we’ve met and become friends separated by a glass door, but in the moment we opened that door it turned into an iron one. Dark, rough, cold…” Tara started sobbing and her pain could be heard trough that door which willow’s body was still touching.

“Tara” the name scaped wrapped in a low sigh. Willow couldn’t manage to open the door again, but her heart seemed to be angry with her. She got to her dorm panting and breathing painfully.

Willow’s dorm

“it’s just wrong, all went wrong, what can I do?"

"What wrong will?!" buffy apperared from under the covers of his bed and Willow jumped out of her skin.

"Buffy!"

"yeah!, well, I was buffy when I went to bed."

"yes, yes you are, buffy, yes that's your name. I just thought you wouldn't be here, because it's....early and you...you are suposed to be ...patroling?" willow tried

"Willow there are no signals of demonical or vampiric activity and Giles gave us all a free night".

"and you were sleeping" willow had no words

"hey! what do you want me to say? you've been bussy talking to yourself lately and when you are down, in the earth planet, you run to Tara's dorm. furthermore Xander is in the bronze with Anya but I don't feel like joining the happiness of their kinky sexlife. too depressing, you know...Wait! I was asking first where were you?"

"I was in the magic box." Willow was still dizzy from the bad experience and didn't try to think about her excuses twice.

"no, of course you weren't" the redhead frowned as she heard this statement.

"yes I was!"

"No you weren't" buffy answered stubbornly

"yes I...huh, Ok we're not getting anywhere" she is going to find out what's up with me and all the weird behaviour. no. of course no because there's nothing going on! stop it will, she doesn't know anything 'cause there isn't anything to know.

" are you OK?" buffy stood up from her bed and reached Willow "whatever you're going through you can tell me. please stop hiding, I know it has nothing to do with university, exams or classes. tell me Will"

"I...I'm confused that's all." I have to tell her

"about what?" buffy insisted

"Tara an I had an argument" an argument...well it seemed more like a world war to me.

"Tara? what's so important about an argument with Tara that you have been crying every night these weeks?"


*************************************************************

HI!! what'ya think? will our redhead tell her bestfriend that Tara is too amazing to be a friend?

[willohand]

UGGHHHHHHH! That`s it. I have just about enough of this teasing from you. So I say we or you let willow get some of this off her chest so she can be at least somewhat functional again.
oh please you have to stop this. My heart cant take much more of this madness. I beg of you...

[CrazyTaraWitch]

yay!!! i loved it, but this story really could use some more happiness...

[kivrin]

hey!!! happiness and love soon...don't be anxious.

here you got the first steps of a young love.

remeber that buffy was asking willow what kind of argument was so horrible that hurt her during weeks.
******************************************************

"we haven't argued until this night."

"then why are you so pissed of?" buffy said softly

"we kissed" Oh God, this is the point of no return Willow, everything is done.

buffy frowned "you kissed? you mean Tara and you" and as she was talking she kissed Willow on the cheeck "look, we kissed, what's the big problem?"

"no, buffy you don't understand...we kissed, we didn't kiss like 'heyya! I love you. you're my best friend' we kissed...like, like...I don't know, here is the problem. we kissed and I don't know what it meant to me.

buffy was looking at her old friend like if she didn't know her. with her wide-eyed expression and her open mouth she made willow very unconfortable but soon she realized it and changed her actitude.

"OoOh I get it, you..you two kissed, both of you, yes a kiss. it was just a kiss?"

"well..." willow blushed so much that buffy couldn't hide her half smile.

"it wasn't just a kiss!! there was more? more kisses may be? ooh boy! tell me everything was it cool? I mean, better than Oz?

"err...what? it was nothing, no we just kissed some times...well... all night but it doesn't mean anything."

willow was very nervous and her babbling started " it just felt right in that moment but I know it's not possible because, there was me and Oz. a couple, we were it, yes and...me and Tara it's kinda...I dunno....it's not possible 'cause I mean..I'm not gay you know it! I don't want to say Tara is not worth, she is, really really worth" willow felt sick about having that conversation, which was more a monologue in that moment but she didn't know how to stop. "Tara is amazing, so sweet and careful with everyone's feelings even when no one had never cared for her and...she's very cute when she stutters though she hates it. but she doesn't stutter when we're together and...

"Willow, stop, breathe.I've had enough. tell me where's the problem? she regrets about those err...'few' kisses. isn't it?" buffy was trying to accept that willow had just told her she was 'kinda gay'. she could be bisexual, or just confused, but she talked about tara with such passion... until today, now she seems more scared than in love, which could be a sign that she is falling for that blonde, and very hard. poor Will. I have to reasure her.

"you kissed a girl, a nice girl as long as I'm concerned. I just met her a few times but she's a powerful witch and a good friend. plus...she's kinda hot"

"what has you just said? that....that she's hot!?" willow was almost hyperventilating, she was blushing far beyond red "hey she's not hot, she's er, well..she's preety, ok I admit it, she's good looking but don't call her hottie it's ...rude!"

"oh, so you don't want anyone to talk about her hottness, that's a clear sign" buffy's strategy was working.

"clear sign of what?" willow's brain was burning, it was too much pressure for a single day "c'mon I'm tired, want to sleep it's usless to continue this conversation. I'm straight and she...well I don't know what she is. I didn't expect her to be so hurt and now...I messed all up ok? you wanted to hear it? she doesn't want me to see her again 'cause I hurt her."

"she likes you. it's easy to see it. even Xander did coment it a few days ago."

"Xander? wait, you talked about Tara?."

"no, we talked about you, and..'you-and-tara'. but they were just some comments. you look very close. almost linked by something. we supposed it was magic, the powers you two share. I'm sorry willow don't get mad, we care for you, I guess it's normal."

"normal? you two talked about me behind my back!" willow parted all her confusion and frustration to give space to rage.

buffy got nervous too, she didn't want to bother her friend she was trying to help there.
"hey hey will, slow down. we are not judging you! it's right if you're gay."

"I'm not gay!" willow let a tear roll down her face and jumped into the bed. then turned off the light and wrapped herself with the sheets to start crying.

"will!" buffy walked to willow's bed and embrassed her. "look you don't have to put yourself a label. ok? we love you whatever you are or you want to be. we are all people. what if you ever liked a girl? she is a person as Oz was" willow sighed " ok, he was a bad example 'cause all the wolve problem...but she was human."

willow's sobbs slowed the rithm. " Tara is a person, isn't she? she's intelligent, preety, altruist, and funny. I bet she makes you laugh when she feels confortable. I don't get some of her jokes, you know she's a bit...er...unusual but I'm sure you always know what she is talking about.

willow smiled and nodded "yes, she's special"

"you like to spend time with her?" buffy continued happy to see her friend relaxing.

"yes. I do."

"and...you...you liked the kisses and...well, do you really reget 'bout that night?"

willow remained silent. buffy got it. she had to think about all that stuff, so she kissed willow's forehead and went to bed again.

The redhead had bad night, provably the worst in her life. like every night she dreamed about the most wonderful blonde she had ever met. Tara's hands caressing her shoulders, Tara's smile and her bright eyes starring at her. Tara's lips. every second those lips appeared around her, goosebumps raced willow's skin. when she woke up, everything was more clear. thanks to buffy.

Tara was a person, in fact a very special person. and somehow they were linked from the first time they had seen each other. it was undeniable. then...it may not be wrong to explore that link. the kisses felt so good, too good to be legal thought willow. and then she realized that making fun of the problem was a good start. she had clearly a problem of sexuality doubts. she was at university. let's find out what am I feeling for Tara.

when willow got up buffy wasn't there. then she wondered for the first time why was buffy in her dorm. she had left university some moths ago thoug her bed hadn't been offered to another student yet. may be she was waiting for her and got tired. Willow was trying to work out the reason of the visit when suddenly...

TARA

her fears surrounded the petite redhead when she saw Tara. it seemed an eternity had divided the two of them since the argument. but it had been just a night. she wouldn't be receptive enough to talk again. would she?

Willow walked to her but stoped when he saw Ben reaching the blonde's arm and embrassing her. Ben was Tara's only friend, she was like a brother so when Tara decided to move to Sunnydale and finish her career there Ben joined the adventure.
Willow knew about him, he was gentle and protective but he didn't understand her friend as well as willow did.

In fact, willow didn't know if he undestood Tara or not, but when he hold Tara's hand and told her something that seemed a secret (unless he liked specially talking to people near their ears) willow determined he wasn't a good company for her friend.

you could thought she was jealous, but if you asked her, she'd has told you it were just her friend obligations which lead her to talk to tara about that boy and his bad intentions.

"hey will" buffy appeared from behind a column. "are you cheking Tara out?"

"NO! I was not!" willow's cheecks equaled the color of her hair in two seconds.

"don't worry I won't say a word, but let me say Tara's friend seems...huh...how can I express it? yummi!"

"oh God, are you still coming to class to hunt boys?"

"humm...may be."

"that's ridiculous!"

"what's ridiculous is that you are here looking at that er..person you like but you let her go with a really hot guy who'd provably take advantage of your error."

"really tell me, what was exacly my mistake missy?"

"regretting" without another word buffy left willow there. astonished in the corridor.

the following week there was no class, they all had finished the exams and were waiting for the results.
and this was the reason why the two wiccans met again. in front of the noticeboard.

"what are you doing?" a soft voice said trying to sound emotionless.

willow almost shouted. "I? you...er Tara, you, look at you!...what are you doing here?" Tara looked at her shocked with the reaction. " I...I was looking for my results. I guess I done a good job with maths but language was worse. I failed at least one question and that's not usual, you know, 'cause need better marks in language and ...stuff..." I want to die. right now. please! God! kill me, save me from being so ridiculous.

"you were l-looking at my results. n-not yours" Tara was having problems, but got the stutter almost under control.

willow hated herself. she didn't want Tara to know that she was checking her results to. but it was done. "I wondered how did that exam you were studying last week went."

"I guess I failed" Tara looked to the ground.

"huh..I'm sorry."

"I bet you are" Tara answered and once again she wanted to sound bitter but she sounded simply hurt and sad.

"can we talk?" willow begged

"I have plans"

"with Ben" willow did can sound bitter.

"yes." Tara realized then that willow has seen her hanging out a lot with Ben lately but she didn't understand why should it bother her. however Ben was not her best friend anymore. he had changed a lot during that year in Sunnydale, he was bold, a bit arrogant and he was becoming too selfish though he cared a lot for her and he was trying to cheer her up. she wanted desperately to spend time with her real best friend. but she didn't know if she was ready" if you don't mind I'll go."

and the blonde left willow next to the notice board to wave at Ben and walk to him.

Willow thought it was absolutely clear that Tara and Ben were involved so she wasn't so damn hurt as she said. or at least Ben was amazing and had charmed her in two weeks and a half.
shit. "I'm a loser" willow sight and at the same time she got another fright when she felt a warm hand touching her arm.

"we could meet someday. if you want to talk. we are friends. aren't we?" Tara had walked back to tell her if she wanted to meet someday.

"can we meet...tomorrow?"

"sure...near the fountain? it's midway between your dorms and mine's."

"of course. hum...if you're free we can meet at 9."

"I'll see you" and when she said it a smile crossed her face and it was mirrored in willow's face.

"bye" willow tried to articulate while Tara dissapeared with Ben.

**********************************************
it's not a date but... it's better than nothing.

[willohand]

Oh right! they are going to meet. oh hapy days are here again. Oh bless you. This is enough to make me do the dance of joy join me wont you? Come on kitties let us all do the dance of joy to show just what this update means to us. . Whew... okay no more Dr.peppers before I check a favorite fanfic for an update. Oh hell Im getting just a bit dizzy from all this excitement of the update. Oh the hell with it. I wil dance the night away...

[CrazyTaraWitch]

yay update!!! i will join willohand in the dance of joy
however, i'm still waiting and for !!!!!!!!!

[willohand]

oh I just hope that is a given...

[Barlimo]

Amazing story
Can't wait for more
Update soon (gosh I'm soo impatient!)

[Brianna]

Hi sweety!!!!!!!!!
update update!!!!! jejejej You Know.... I need more. You´re busy I know but.. please continue this amazing fic.
Love you, always

maite zaitut laztana

[kivrin]

what the hell..??? whar are you doing here baby? that was...confusing. how come you got online?
however...thank you all for reviewing again and sorry, i'm slow, i know.
here you got an update.
they are taking it slow...but i did too when I found out thre was a girl out there able to melt my senses.

can I ask you something? it would be really useful that you told me if I do some biggie spelling mistakes or whatever. 'cause then II'd improve my english since I love writing but I still feel very shy posting.
thnx
.
love must be rushed but calmed, sweet but hard and finally....it must be true.
************************************************************
near the fountain (you'll ask, what fountain? c'mon let's be creative I didn't know where should they meet! )

let's pretend I'm sure. yes that's it I'm going to appear like a selfconfident gal here. I have to be brilliant, and still, and sensitive and make her feel confortable. then apologize and soon we'll be good friends again and may be I'll...well JUST may be then...I could ask her if she...if she's still angry. oh silly it is part of the firstplan. apologize=notangry not angry= kisses...NO! kisses no, but...handholding? no no no stop. calm down here you pushy-girl. just be natural, natural and cool. yes.

"I'm willow Rosenberg your girl, not your girl as 'hey I'm your gril come and take me' but your girl like...we should be friends, you'll like me I'm a nice girl and..." willow was talking to herself but she hadn't notice that she was talking out loud and very unfortunately Tara had heard this last part she had spoken and not thought.

Tara interrupted almost giggling "you even practice your babbling?"
".....stuff" willow turned to see Tara behind her.

"er...no..I was...uh..hey! how are you?" she was extremely flushed
"fine. thank you" tara said and took Willows hand.

willow was so nervous that keeping her mouth shut was becoming a nightmare.

"fine. and you?" Tara knew how important was studying for willow " how were your marks finally?"

"uh..er.." uh, monosyllabes , good, I'm breathing, but now let's talk like a human Ok Willowl? "they were fine thanks. I've passed everything, no problems. but you must be thinking that I'm all arrogant and I want you to be ashamed but it's not like that, I mean I'm sorry that I bothered you that week which was very important and now you failed that exam an well...I'm really sorry..."

Tara wanted to stop it, but somehow she wanted Willow to apologize at the same time and let her going on for some seconds more, as her smile got strong and lit her eyes.
she couldn't be mad at an oh-so-adorable-willow. when willow looked at her and their eyes meet again they shared a shiver.

"you know? it's not your fault. it was all a confusion and we shouldn't stop being friends"

willow relaxed. ok. it was easier. Tara hadn't a crush on her. of course not Rosenberg...have you looked at her? so you just have to forget about this or just...keep it to yourself and wait. everything will be normal soon then with a feeling of what she thought it was selfrelief she tried to start a conversation.

"wanna take some coffe and walk to the park?"

"hum...yes, I need to leave, I guess I'm getting allergic to the campus" joked Tara

she seemed very confident, more than ever. may be Tara had never liked her after all. and thinking about it twice Willow 'knew' definitely it had been a mistake because Tara was straight and she was...well she was at least silly.

"allergic?" ok, then...let's be friendly if we have to be, well ..just friends, friends who act friendly because of heir friendly relationship. "I guess you aren't otherwise you'd be all achey and your nose would be red and big oh, oh, and you'd be scratching yourself all the time!

"hey! are you picturing me like that?" Tara pouted childishly and crossed her arms.
"yes but you look quite cute, the red nose fits you" willow continued joking and Tara started to run after her.
they made their way to the spresso pump running and playing, happy to have their friendship back.

in the park

"have you been practising lately?" asked Tara
"no, i wanted but I didn't feel very comfortable"
"why?" asked Tara
" I missed..." be careful Will! " I missed my favourite book at buffy's, and you know I'm not a superwitch so I thought I shouldn't do anything by myself."

Tara tensed a bit and then seemed to be arguing with herself inside her head, or her heart. noone could have said for sure.

"you shouldn't, it's dangerous. my mother taught me to practise always with little things and just cast important ones with some good company."

Willow smiled at her. Tara was beautiful talking about the person who loved most in her life. Willow was sure she was unable to love like that. Tara was such a loving creature...provably Ben was a better option, Tara would be happier with him, everything would be easier.

"if you ever wanted we could meet to cast and well...witchy stuff. if you still like doing spells with me."

That was wrong. it was too soon for Tara. her selfconfident actitude broke in that moment.

"m-m-e, I mean, y-you and me-e...we c-could do so-s-some spells, sure. if you w-want to."

"I'd love to" Willow noticed the stutter and couldn't decide if it was good or bad. however she followed her instinct an took Tara's hand between hers. "just if it's Ok with you. I promise I won't do anything stupid like last time and I won't interfere in your private life anymore."

Tara didn't know what that meant. didn't have any idea of what willow had meant by private life but she was actually very pleased that the redhead wanted to become her friend again.

they arranged to meet soon for their spells and spent the evening laughing and healing her bond with jokes, philosofic discusions and some light hiden and unconcious caresses.

"it's kinda late." said Willow

"yes." Tara didn't want that day to end. she had been thinking that her only real friend was lost and having her so close again was giving her the strenght she was lacking lately and on the other hand was starting to hurt sweetly.

Willow was waiting for a longer statement, but she caught Tara begging her to spend some more time together.
she knew Tara and ben were involved and spending the night with Tara wasn't a good idea. not that anything could happen but that evening had changed something inside willow and if she stayed for a while...this time would be definitve.

Tara caught herself starring at her friend without speaking. she wanted them to spend the night together. not that anything could happen. you know perfetly that willow is straight, and we've talked about it. we're just friends. but something inside the blonde was touching her heart and lots of butterflies were nesting in her stomach. she knew that spending he night with her friend would left her all wrapped up in love. not atraction or special friendship feelings. love.

"we could..." both of them started.

they started giggling and Willow invited Tara to talk first.

"n-n-no, y-y-ou you. tell m-m-me"

"oh no, please I was just thinking...it's nothing important."

"I-I...I'd like to stay some time m-m-more b-bu-but if you w-w-want you c-co-could leave. I'll just..w-wal-walk."

"we can sit there" willow pointed a big tree which was a bit parted from the principal path and could give them some privacy. not that they needed or wanted it! but still seemed a good idea to Willow.

and as night overcomed them, a warm feeling wrapped her hearts and vanished some fears, some nerves, some questions. they ended up lying on the grass under the tree with their hands linked and quite quiet.
enjoying their night. falling in love in secret. this time without regretting but hiden anyway.

************************************************************
can love be hidden forever?

[willohand]

Oh how do I love this fanfic let me say the ways:
1. All the hidden fears they both carry out of love for one another
2. Willow`s intense inner babble
3. Tara`s secret wish and happiness that her (just best friend) willow is back in her life
4. Willow and tara`s strong feelings that they both are afraid of ,leading to regrett, leading to them both in utter pain to only find their way back to the other whew that was a mouthful
5. Them secretly falling in love with the other.

I have so many more reasons as to why Im love this fic but they can keep til the next update. kirvin. Love the update.

[Brianna]

how can you!!!!!!!! you are so..... I dont know... how can you leave the story at that point!!!! update soon plase!!!!
Love you

[CrazyTaraWitch]

this was fantabulous; totally worth the wait!

[willohand]

I know. I know. but I cant help it. Yeah Im posting another repy even though there is no update. So uhhhh yeah you know i was in the area and thought Id just drop in to see you Kirvin and looky your not home so I will be on my way.But might stop in again real soon.

[kivrin]

Ok willohand I'll believe you but if you hadn't expained it I'd think you are quite interested in an update. since it was just by chance I'll wait a bit more before posting.

just kidding i'm working on it right now.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have been evil in my stories, but u are queen of torture ...even my pre-cal test won't seem evil compared to this.
plzzzzzzzzzzzz update soon!!!!!!! (patience is soo not my strong suit!)

[kivrin]

I'm sorry kitten it isn't what you think! when i said I was kidding i meant it. I posted and I even got a reply but
there was problem with thew update and it has been removed. I'm sorry.
there you got it again I hope there's no problem now.

**************************************************

"What?!" Xander got to say before the evil popcorn got stuck in his throat. the slayer hit him roughly until he shouted " hey hey, Ok. it's ok buffy! it hurt..." and then he remainedsilent for a moment.

"you had sex?" Anya asked as naturally as ever.

"anya!" interupted buffy seeing her friend so pale. "you ok Will?"

"well..yes, I think so. could you hit me too? I think It's just a nightmare."

"No, hey Will it's nice, reallly, we don't mind. who is she? I mean, will we meet her?"

"you kinda know her.." Willow blushed "it's...it's Tara, my friend, d'you remember her"

"of course I do, she's ho...ho...horrible at maths, weren't you teaching her?" Anya frowned after hearing this. and Willow didn't know what to say, it was almost imposible that Xander just remembered that fact about the blonde.

"and....and she is blonde isn't she?"

"stop it honey...just say what you were about to say I agree she's gorgeous."

buffy giggled at it and at the face Willow had.

at least they haven't freaked out..."so you all are ok with it? I mean me liking a girl?"

"hum you mean you're a lesbian. yes i's ok"

"no. wait, yes, but no."

"you know willow? 'yes-but-no' doesn't make much sense" buffy said.

"but I'm not lesbian. am I lesbian? I can't be"

"why not? I would like to be one. no that Xander is not good but...a sweaty hot blonde could be amazing. I mean if I hadn't a nice penis for my own pleasure attached to Xander."

"thanks anya now Xander has become as interesting as a sextoy. but please stop it, shut up! we'll purchse it in case of need and read the
instructions, now stop explaining." buffy couldn't hide her 'I'm absolutely sick' look.

"yes she tends to reduce my skills to only sex. what guy would complain at that anyway?"

so Xander was humiliated but never complaining, buffy was trying to forget the topic, Anya was nodding at Xander's last statement and willow?

the redhead was amazed that her friends were so receptive when she was not at all.
certainly a sweaty hot blonde sounded good. but she didn't want some blonde. she knew for sure which one she'd pick if she coulkd choose any person in the world and at the same time she wasn't able to admit it to herself even when she had just came out to her friends.


later that day...

at the library

"how was your day sweetie?" Tara almost jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"oh, it was fine, thanks. and yours?"

see I told my friends I like you in a very special way and they asked me if we've had sex which is something I can't stop thinking about 'cause you're incredibly good looking and you kissed me that night in your dorm and now i know it wasn't a mistake but it's too late. furthermore there's this guy.....Ben who you are dating that's makes me sick but skiping it all today was... "fine, yes. just fine."

"I'm sorry Willow but I have plans this afternoon. Ben wanted to talk about something important so..."

"we can't share a coffee and a talk."

"but we can do magic in my dorm later this evening" Tara smiled at her feeling a rush of blood through her veins direct to her cheeks.

"magic?" I swear Ben will never give you that huh. one point to Rosenberg! lucky me!! wait am I jealous? OF COURSE I am!

"it's 7 ok for you? may be you want to spend more time with Ben..."

"I don't" I want to be with you, spend all the time with you. how come you had to fall for a straight girl Tara? so so clumsy of you!

"ok then. I'll bring some candles, and chocolate! we could watch a movie later."

Tara loved the idea but she was surprised that willow wanted to stay unil late in the dorm where sometimes since the 'accident' they felt a bit awkward. so this time no caressing, no flirting and the most important no kissing!

c'mon Tara, you got a friends-plan. just invite her and then start running so she can't say no. "you could stay since there aren't classes." in fact you could stay until september, when the casses start again. or you could stay forever...

"stay?" Willow couldn't believe, she wanted the blonde to feel confortable so she asked for a resurance " you mean until morning? just if you are completely ok with it."

"I am" Tara smiled again givin willow a reason more to wait for the evening.

"Tara? where were you missy?! " Ben hugged the blonde wicca and gave her a kiss on the cheek which hurt inside willow's heart more than anything.

"oh, sorry I forgot about the time I was with Willow here and..."

"yeah ok, can we go? I really want to tell you something. nice to meet you Willow" and without a word more he grab Tara's arm and walked her out the library.

Willow entered and tried to study at least for the first two hours. then she started wondering what had Ben that she hadn't.

outside the library ( where the fountain is, hey i'm obsessed with that fountain I don't know where have I seen it but it's stuck in my brain, i can't stop seein it in my thoughts)

are you telling me you split up with christie? huh what a surprise. Ben if you keep tasting girls and then avandoning them in two days you'll have to stop telling me 'cause i can't even recognise the Ben I once knew.

"I know"

"then?" asked Tara a bit distracted thinking about her plans for the night.

"I've realized lately what's happening. you said a couple of weeks ago that I wasn't me and you didn't like the new Ben as much as the old one"

"and I meant it, you were like my brother, like a kind and loving one. you know how much Donnie hurt me." Tara got sad thinking about it but it sure have something to do with thinking about willow straightness too.

"that's why I thought I had to change" and while sying it Ben moved closer to his friend.

Tara didn't notice it due to her own conversation with herself and to the fact that she didn't know where Ben was trying to get to.

"Tara...I've known you since...always, and you never looked at me as anything different from a brother." at that point Ben put his arm arround Tara's waist and moved even closer but Tara, completely lost in her mind just welcomed the hug.

she'll never know how i feel when she's happy. and I'll never get to kiss her again. I screewed it all. If I had never kissed her I wouldn't feel like this now.

"don't I deserve a chance?"

"a chance to..?" asked Tara without thinking even about the conversation.

never none would kiss her the same way the redhead had that night. and none would even give her a kiss that could be compared with the experience of just to hold willow's hand or listen her babbling.

Ben lift Tara's face from her chin wanting to kiss her. Tara hesitated at first while understanding what was happening and for a second she thought it could be a easier way to forget willow.

but she reacted and pulled out, it was late anyway. guess who had lef the library a few seconds before...Willow saw her lost in that loving embrass.

**********************************
don't worry! our girls have a "date" as friends and wicca mates tonight.
and...what's the difference between love and magic? one thing leads to the other.