Note : I've been trying to post this story, but I kept getting time-out errors. I've tried an alternate route of posting, and I hope this works. I don't think the other posts got through, but if they do, I apologize for any possible double postings.

I'm still hard at work on Reaper chapter 8, but this was just one of those little stories that nagged me to death, something that had to be written. I just hope you all will forgive me for it. It's a little twisted, after all. But it's a romantic form with twisted... in a demented sort of way.

Title - VIVA LAS VEGAS!!

Author name - Useful_Oxymoron

Email Address - Viernadevir@hotmail.com

Rating - R-rating. Expect dark humor and violent imagery. Um, it is supposed to be a romantic tale, though, but in a rather demented way. Warning, though, it gets rather twisted, especially at the end.

Disclaimer - Well, I don't own Willow or Tara. If I did, I wouldn't have made certain... questionable decisions in the latter seasons. And, in case of this story, a rather questionable decision at the end of Doppelgangland. In any case, Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own these characters and I don't intend to make any money off them.

Feedback- Is cool. It's always nice to know somebody liked the crap I write.

Summary- This is basically an AU AU story (Is there such a thing, actually ?) When Vampire Willow gets back from the alternate universe our Willow pulled her into, she finds someone waiting for her back home. Then things get wacky.

Notes- Influences for this story: ZZ-Top - Viva las vegas. Motor Head - Ace of Spades. Watching Vic Fontaine on Deep Space Nine.

[hr]
VIVA LAS VEGAS!!

Willow faded into being, still feeling slightly disorientated from the spell that had send her back home from that horrible alternate universe. She shook her head and saw that the battle at the plant was still raging all around her. A little too late, she noticed that one of the White Hats... Oz, wasn't it? ... barrelling towards her.

Just as she was about to pushed into a jagged piece of wood, when she felt herself being yanked out of Oz's grasp. Looking to her side, she saw her savior smiling at her.

Tara.

She was wearing a long leather coat and a green bodice, showing off her cleavage so very, very nicely. Her blue eyes, now yellow in her vamped-out face, danced with her blonde hair... but now, all of Tara's ire was directed at Oz. Willow's lover snarled evilly and treated Oz to a savage kick in the back, cruelly impaling him on the jagged piece of wood. Oz gurgled in pain, but Tara kept pressing down.

"There!" she shouted. "See how you like being staked!"

"Tara," Willow said, embracing her tightly. "I missed you so much."

"Nobody messes with my Willow-tree. But what happened to you? You were only gone for 2 seconds," Tara stated, taking a moment to launch a very destructive spell to the other side of the room, partially incinerating another White Hat, some pushy jock called Larry.

The Vampire Witch grinned at Willow for a moment. Willow grinned back. "Play now?" Willow smirked.

Together, the vampire lovers entered the fray.

---

Later, after all the nasty White Hats were dead and all the other humans were captured and 'processed', Willow and Tara were sitting in the room above the Bronze which they shared. Willow was telling her story to a frowning Tara who listened intently, while Willow comforted herself by petting their beloved cat: Miss Kitty Ferocio.

"And we had no power at all, humans ruled the streets," Willow spat. "And then there was me... fuzzy little me. God, she was so sexually repressed, it hurt."

"Repressed?" Tara smirked. "You?"

"Yeah, I know. Frightening, isn't it? Guess what... she had a boyfriend."

"Oh, ick!" Tara made a face.

"Yeah, I know," Willow said again, still petting the playful Miss Kitty Ferocio. "I offered to turn her, but she wasn't interested. I suppose the world just wasn't ready for two Willows."

Tara's eyes glazed over for a moment. "Oh, wow... the things I could do with two Willows."

"Guess what again! We haven't even met in that other universe," Willow said. "I didn't see you there, anyway."

"Heh," Tara smirked. "I would certainly gotten that Willow out of repression. I'm just the thing that other Willow needs."

"Well, forget it, cause you're mine," Willow huffed. "Besides, if I was fuzzy and repressed in that sucky world, just imagine what you'd be like. I mean, you could be one of those shy wiccan earthy types. Or one of those seaweed drinking enviro-freaks. Or a rabid Star Trek fan who dresses up like a Klingon at conventions. You could even be," Willow whispered, "straight!"

Upon hearing the word 'straight', Tara grimaced and grasped at her heart. "Oh, disgusting! Straight?! I'm going to be having nightmares for weeks now!"

"Sorry baby," Willow smiled at Tara and handed her Miss Kitty Ferocio for petting. "So, um, Tara? I've been thinking. Now that the Slayer is dead and the plant is running full speed. The Master really doesn't need us anymore... And you know what we've been talking about?"

"We could ask the Master!" Tara smiled broadly.

---

To their delight the Master had said yes to their request. That same night, Willow had stolen a car and partially blinded the windows by smearing it with black paint, enough to keep the sun out, but not enough to completely blind their sight. At their home, Tara had been packing their suitcases, taking extra care to pack their leather wares... and the manacles. Willow'd be nowhere without her manacles. After packing their favorite DVD's, Tara's spellbooks and spell components, Willow's laptop, Miss Kitty's toys and putting Miss Kitty Ferocio in a travel box, Willow arrived to help her stuff their belongings into the trunk. Miss Kitty got a place in the backseat and Willow and Tara were ready to leave Sunnydale forever.

"Ah," the Master said as he walked up to the car. "It always brings a tear to my eye to see a young one spread her wings to leave the nest. Promise me you'll stay in touch."

"I have your e-mail address, Master," Willow said.

"Come give your grandsire a hug," the Master said and Willow complied. "Tara, you take good care of Willow, you hear? She's a very sensitive young woman."

"Count on it," Tara called back from the car.

"I've brought you some snacks for the road," the Master handed him a coolbox filled with bloodpacks. "Fresh from the plant."

Willow and Tara thanked the Master, who in turn wished them luck with their new lives. A few minutes later, Willow let her car screech through the streets of Sunnydale, making an extra effort to drive over the 'Welcome to Sunnydale'-sign on the way out of town.

---

They had passed the 'Welcome to Nevada'-sign an hour ago, and were driving through a small road in the middle of the mojave desert underneath the burning sun. But that didn't bother the two vampires too much. They to too busy head-banging and singing along to the hard rock on the radio.

"Pushing up the ante, I know you wanna see me," Willow sang at the top of her lungs, along with Motorhead on the radio. "Read 'em and weep, the dead man's hand again."

"I see it in your eyes, take one look and die," Tara sang, somewhat more lyrical and on key. "The only thing you see, you know it's gonna be."

"The Ace Of Spades! The Ace Of Spades! The Ace Of Spades!" both lovers sang at the top of their lungs.

Their reverie was rudely disturbed by a siren and red flashing lights behind them. Looking into her mirror, Willow saw a cop on a motorbike driving behind them. Sighing, she turned down the radio and waited for the policeman to walk up to her window. Willow rolled down the window while Tara shot the cop a dirty look.

"So," he spoke and he bend his head into the car... obviously stealing a look at Willow's leather suit. Or rather, Willow's assets inside said leather suit. "You little ladies are driving along? Your windows are a little dirty. You sure you can drive like this?"

"We were doing just fine," Willow said coldly. "Until some hick chickenboffer with a helmet on his head decided to pull us over."

The cop's expression froze. "Ladies, I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car."

"I've got a better idea," Willow smirked. "Why don't you come in?"

The cop yelled and struggled while the two strong vampires pulled him inside through the open window. His screams resounded in the car as his blood ended up being splattered against the insides of the windows.

Somewhat later, the car drove off again, after Willow had thrown out a now very dented helmet.

---

In the moonlight, somewhat away from the road into the desert, they could just see the lights of their destination in the distance.

After dragging the body of the dead (and drained) cop out of the car and into the desert, Willow started to dig a hole to get rid of the body before it would start to smell up their car.

Tara, on the other hand, danced around in the moonlight. "Oh, Willow," Tara sighed. "Just imagine dancing together in the moonlight on the graves of our victims. Our own, private Golgotha. How romantic would that be?"

"Sounds nice, baby... Oh, CRAP!" Willow shouted and threw away the spade.

"What's wrong?"

"The mob already buried someone here," Willow held her nose and re-covered the makeshift grave with dirt.

"Find another spot," Tara said while looking at the lights in the distance. "Do you see it, sweetie?"

"Yeah, baby," Willow grinned. "Vampire paradise!"

"But first," Tara started.

"House hunting!" Willow finished.

---

"This is my pad, where I live," the horny bachelor Tara and Willow had picked up in a nightclub said. The two vampires needed only one look around to see that it wasn't what they were looking for. It was an apartment, with little or no amenities... way too central to be a hide-out.

"Another dud," Tara sighed. "Third time now... this is getting depressing."

"So," the horny bachelor offered them a lecherous grin. "You're a lesbian couple, right? I like that..."

"Bored now," Willow sighed, grabbing his head and jerking his head sharply to the left. He dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

After dropping off the bodies of the three bachelors they had killed at their new private Golgotha, the two vampire lovers decided to try one more time. They hit the nightclubs again, but this time Willow had bit the bullet and played the seduction game while Tara sat this one out.

This man, a middle-age bachelor with a golden chain hanging around his neck, led them to a very promising house. It was a nice, two-storey building at the very edge of town and no neighbors next to it on either side.

"Wow," said Tara as she looked out the window from the living room. "Look at that pool!"

"Wow," Willow said. "A superfast wireless internet broadband connection!"

"Look at that basement!" Tara grinned wickedly. "It's perfect."

"Check out that huge bed," Willow grinned. "Play now?"

"Or," Tara grinned. "Check out the jacuzzi next to the pool. Ooohhh, I love this place."

The bachelor grinned and pressed a little button on a remote. Immediately, a huge plasma TV rose up from the floor at the edge of the bed.

Tara and Willow smiled at each other for a moment. "We'll take it!" they spoke at the same time.

"Oh, yes," the eager mid-life crisis suffering bachelor chuckled. "You'll both be taking it in several positions soon and..." he stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed something... odd... with the faces of these two gorgeous young women. They went from lovely to demonic killer in .5 seconds. He suspected something was very, very wrong here... and that was confirmed when the two lovely young ladies were suddenly tearing his throat out.

---

After parking their car in the garage and getting their belongings out of the car, Tara set up Miss Kitty Ferocio's toys and scratching post and freed their beloved pet from the travel-box. Immediately, Miss Kitty Ferocio started to explore her new house. They'd stuffed the body of the home's previous owner into the freezer in the basement, since they really didn't want to drive out into the desert today.

In the meantime, Tara and Willow had decided their new jacuzzi would be the perfect location for some good, wholesome lesbian-y fun. Eventually, they decided to relocate their fun to the pool, the bear-rug in front of the fake fireplace, the dining table, the basement and, finally, their huge new bed. At the crack of dawn, Willow and Tara made sure several heavy curtains kept all the sun out of the bedroom and, being thoroughly exhausted, the two lovers rested in each other's arms for the rest of the day.

When sunset was approaching, Willow and Tara were groggily awakening. After discovering the house's previous owner's DVD collection, they had found out that, ironically, he had been an aficionado of vampire movies. After conjuring up the huge tv from the floor, Willow and Tara lay embraced in bed, spending 90 minutes heckling 'Dracula 2000'.

Finally, after having come to the conclusion that Christopher Lee was a better Dracula than the actual real thing, the two ferocious vampires figured it was time to hit the strip to explore their new hunting grounds. Fifteen minutes later, they were standing just outside Ceasar's Palace, looking at the myriad of neon lights spread all over the city.

"Sweetie, you're not planning to gamble away all our money, are you?" Tara pressed.

"Baby, I've got a system! It's infallible!" Willow grinned.

"Sure," Tara rolled her eyes.

"You see, when and if I run out of money, I'll go out on the street, kill someone, dump his or her body in the dumpster, take their wallet and run in to go gambling again," Willow smiled wickedly. "It's full-proof!"

"You know, that actually might work," Tara nodded.

"Of course it'll work," Willow said and ran to the video-poker machines. "Come on, Willow. Eye of the tiger! Eye of the tiger!"

---

Willow was pissed off. Sure, she'd won a prize, but it was a poodle-prize. What the hell was she going to do with a big bag of golf-clubs?

She glared at Tara. Her lover was calmly stepping outside of the casino, wearing a white fedora hat and an expensive italian tux wrapped around her shoulders. Tara bit down on a hideously expensive cuban cigar and lit it with a 100 dollar bill. And Willow could swear Tara was humming the theme from 'The Godfather'. The worst of it was that Tara had only had to mug two people to win big. Willow had to beat up five people for their wallets and all she had to show for it was that lousy golf-bag.

"You used magic to win, didn't you?" Willow challenged.

"Of course," Tara giggled and blew out some smoke. "Evil, remember? Let's go back tomorrow. Carrot-top is playing then."

"Good!" Willow grimaced, looking up to her own red locks. "I always wanted to kill and torture that bastard! Tomorrow I'll get the chance."

"I hoped George Carlin would be playing tomorrow," Tara said. "It's so cute when he talks about cornholing everybody."

"Hmm," Willow said. "I might have an idea how we could spend the rest of the night."

---

"FOUR!" Willow shouted and swung her golf-club. She and Tara were on the roof of their new home. Willow watched the ball curve and smiled when she heard something break. "Yes! I shattered a windshield! That's eight points."

"No," replied Tara, who was lying down on a lounge chair which she had dragged up to the roof. She was wearing a two-piece bikini, intent on catching some moon-rays. "That's four points. You only get eight points if it's a moving car."

"Alright," Willow said, enjoying her game of roof-top golf and generally wreaking havoc on the neighborhood. So far, there had been three broken windows, five dented cars and three bodily injuries. "Your turn."

Tara got up from her chair and smiled at Willow's appreciative wolf-whistle. Tara took the golf-club, put the ball on the tee and swung her club.

"Bull's Eye!" Tara grinned. "I hit that guy in the head! That's 24 points! What's our end score?"

Willow scribbled on the notepad and then sighed. "Tara, it matters not if you win or lose, it's how you play the game."

Tara smirked and crossed her arms. "Oh, so you mean I win?"

"Yes," Willow sighed. "If winning is that important to you," she added, and grumbled about losing to Tara.

---

"I d-didn't think you'd be t-that upset about l-losing," Tara snarled and slapped Willow in the face for good measure. "I n-never expected I'd h-have to p-pull you out of a s-stripclub!"

"Baby," Willow sighed. "I only went there to scout out the place, to see if it was a good place to hunt. And it wasn't. I mean, there's silicones in the air, silicones in the bodies, silicones in the drinks, silicones in the food. Probably silicones in their blood too."

"Oh, y-you'd know," Tara looked away.

"Tara, baby," Willow tried. After all, she had been telling the truth. Sleazy joints were always easy pickings for a seductive female vampire. Unfortunately, the Dive, as the club was called, had been true to its name, and was mainly filled with silicone pumped women and beer-filled men. Neither was good for the taste of blood.

And as if she'd look! Tara was the real thing! A 100% natural, sexy woman, the woman she loved! As if she'd look even at those silicone pumped hussies!

Well...

Maybe a little...

Just a nanosecond...

No more than that...

Truly...

But now, Willow's main concern were Tara's stutters. Tara never stuttered unless she was insecure. And Willow, though evil she was, couldn't stand the fact that she had made Tara feel insecure. No words would convince Tara this night that she wasn't lying to her, and Willow felt it was time to take away Tara's insecurities forever.

---

The two vampires had taken the Quiki Wedding Chapel by storm, and let a path of bloody carnage in their wake. After putting up the sign 'closed' in the window as to not be disturbed, Tara and Willow, both wearing their vamped out faces, stood in front of the altar. The bride of the couple that had entered the chapel before them lay bloodied and sprawled on top of the altar and at their feet lay the remains of a dozen wedding guests and an eviscerated groom.

The reverend, a rhinestone clad Elvis impersonator wearing sun-glasses and a big wig, stood trembling before them.

"Alright, START!" Willow snarled.

"B-but," the Elvis impersonator started, even sounding like Elvis. "Same-sex marriages aren't legal in..."

Tara growled and pointed at her face. "Does it look like we want to marry in the sight of God?!"

"Uh, do you have a marriage license?" the King asked.

"Two," Willow said calmly. "Look, they're here, in my mouth."

"Make that four," Tara added angrily.

"Blood-test?" the King dared to ask.

Willow held up a severed head, dripping blood. "Shall I leak something in a cup for you?"

"Do you have a ring?" the King asked.

Willow snooped around for a moment, and found two rings in the pocket of the groom, and held it up in victory.

"Witnesses?"

Willow held up the severed head again and pointed at it. "Her."

"Her," said Tara, holding up a happily mewing Miss Kitty Ferocio.

Tara adjusted the bridal veil she had stole from the dead bride on the altar. It was smeared in blood and... some brain matter... but Tara considered it rather appropriate. Willow, in turn, held her bridal bouquet, and flicked a piece of internal organ off the blood-soaked flowers with her fingers.

The King opened his book and started reading rather nervously. "Uh, dearly beloved. We are gathered here in the sight of G... Uh... William Shatner..." he quickly improvised, "to unite this woman, Willow Danielle Rosenburg, and this woman, Tamara Elizabeth Maclay, in Ho... uh, Unholy Matrimony. Uh, does anyone object?"

Willow and Tara looked around. They knew everybody here was dead, but they still looked more than ready to kick the living crap out of anyone who dared to speak a word.

"Guess not. You may exchange the rings," the King replied.

Willow slowly slid the ring on Tara's finger. "Tara," Willow smiled. "You're the woman I want to spend my unlife with. You're the woman I want to defile churches with. You're the woman I want to slaughter orphanages with. You're the woman I want to kiss all night long. You're my always, my everything..."

"Willow," Tara said, and slid the other ring on Willow's finger. "When I first rose from my grave, I had a simple dream. A dream to kill all humans. Or at least as many as I could. I never thought I'd be able to share that dream with anyone. I never thought I'd find someone like you. You're the heart of my being, Willow. You're the magic in my unlife."

"Ahum," the King scraped his throat while the vampires were looking quite lovey-dovey at each other. "By the power invested in me by G.., uh, I mean,William Shatner, and the state of Nevada, I hereby pronounce you hus..." the King almost jumped out of his skin when the two vampires snapped towards him and growled loudly. "Uh, sorry, sorry, my mistake, nerves. I meant, of course, that I pronounce you wife and wife. You brides may kiss."

And kiss they did. Vigorous vicarious and amorous smoochies all around.

Willow closed her eyes and threw her bouquet over her shoulders. Later, she saw that it had landed on the lap of a headless corpse. "Good luck with that," she winked at the headless lady.

"Tara?" Willow turned to Tara. "You're crying, baby."

"I'm just so happy, sweetie," Tara sniffed, tears running over her facial ridges. "So happy to be married to you... in the sight of William Shatner, no less."

"It's okay," Willow said, kicking away the body of the eviscerated groom.

"I always cry at weddings," Tara sniffed, "and you know what? That always makes me want to slaughter the minister," she grinned at the King. "Play now?" Tara asked Willow.

"Play now," Willow confirmed.

And the last thing on the King's mortal mind was something along the lines of 'Please don't bleed on my blue suede shoes'.
[hr]

End.

And so begins Willow and Tara's reign of terror in Las Vegas. I hope you enjoyed reading this twisted little tale.

Btw, the working title was actually "... in the sight of William Shatner." I decided to change it in the end, but, I dunno, both titles would have worked well, I think.

_________________
Max : Do you mind if I drive?
Sam : Not if you mind me clawing at the dashboard and shrieking like a cheerleader.

That was hilarious! Of course is Las Vegas the perfect place for vamps: No invitations, a lot of stupid people and the endless desert...uhm yeah, too much sun maybe?
Thanks for this story!

_________________
"I don't get your crazy system!"
"System? It's called the alphabet!"

"Bright lights of the city gonna set my soul, gonna set my soul on fire..."
That, as others have stated, was freakin' hilarious.
It needs to be made into a feature film directed by Eli Roth, of Cabin Fever/Hostel fame.
This incarnation of Vampire Willow/Tara are the AU version of "Unnatural Born Killers".
Too many scenes to pick out as favorites suffice it to say the wedding chapel was my favorite.

_________________
I can deny chicks in chainmail nothing.
Amberhol-from the land of sky blue waters.
No Mere Music Hall, This my novel available directly from rosestindog@gmail.com.

Lol. Very funny and irreverant (sp). Love the chappel scene. I mean what better way to let your vampire know you truly love her? Well done.

_________________
Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

I don't usually go for AU stories where Willow and/or Tara are vampires, but yours is so funny - I really enjoyed it, thanks.

Loved the way they 'shopped' for a new home. And Willow's gambling 'system'... although Tara's seems to have worked better.

Anne

_________________
Spells for Two

Every path has its puddle. Old English Saying... I think I just stepped in mine...

Dear sweet ... mother ... of ... god! Must ... stop ... laughing! Running ... out ... of air!



G'day, UO. Sweet fancy Moses, how do you keep coming up with this? This has to be one of the most twisted, hilarious stories I've read in yonks.

I am ashamed to admit I didn't get the joke behind Miss Kitty Ferocio. Does it mean something I don't know, or are we just talking an abbreviation of ferocious?

Quote:

"Well, forget it, cause you're mine," Willow huffed. "Besides, if I was fuzzy and repressed in that sucky world, just imagine what you'd be like. I mean, you could be one of those shy wiccan earthy types. Or one of those seaweed drinking enviro-freaks. Or a rabid Star Trek fan who dresses up like a Klingon at conventions. You could even be," Willow whispered, "straight!"

Upon hearing the word 'straight', Tara grimaced and grasped at her heart. "Oh, disgusting! Straight?! I'm going to be having nightmares for weeks now!"

Too freakin' hilarious!

There were so many moments of darkly twisted comic genius here, that I could probably quote most of the story, but I won't for brevity's sake. Oh, but that wedding ceremony at the end? I think you broke my ribs! That's right, you broke my ribs, making me laugh so much!

You rock, mate!

Cheers,
Paul.

_________________
That’s right: In order to make this event LESS popular, the female activists take off their tops and jog in front of onlookers. - Scott Adams, regarding the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona.

yup! like everybody i had a good laugh on this little fic of yours... i almost fell out of my chair coz i couldn't stop from laughing... my mom was giving the looks!

i'm glad you wrote this twistedly funny fic! you're a genius you know that!

again, thanks for making me my night!

_________________

Irene - Thanks for the compliments! I'm not sure if there'll ever be a continuation, though, since it was a real spur of the moment thing. But, the characters are fun to write, so you never know.



Thanks! Miss Kitty Fantastico seemed too tame a name for these girls, but they just had to have a cat. So, Miss Kitty Ferocio was born.



Darn tootin'. The world needs more Willows!



My pleasure! I originally had them singing Viva Las Vegas (hence the title), but I figured it was a little too tame. So, I think this Motorhead song was the best choice.



Not at all.



I'd say it's a traditional vampire wedding : true love mixed with extreme violence. Deep down, they're still Willow and Tara, though, and deeply in love, as they're supposed to be.

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

WillowRulez - Well, Las Vegas is a desert town, but as long as they take precautions, they ought to be safe. My pleasure for giving you the story. I had fun writing it.

taralicious - Glad you enjoyed it. The chapel scene was fun to come up with. Funny, I had no idea where this story was going when I wrote it, but it all fell into place as things came along. Thanks for reading!

JustSkipIt - Thanks! Irreverance is my middle name. (Well, actually, it's Cornelius, but I prefer Irreverance. . I'm glad you liked the story. Proving one's true love through acts of extreme violence is a vampire thing to do, I guess.

Spells42 - Glad you liked it! Heh, Tara won because she cheated with magic, though. Vampires are never above big and petty theft, I'd think.

Darth Pacula - Whoa, are you alright, Paul? I never meant for anyone to actually hurt themselves. Glad you enjoyed the story, though. Oh, and yes, Ferocio is short for Ferocious. Vampires like ferocious felines. The wedding scene is proving to be quite popular.

Tarebear - I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Truly, if something I wrote made someone laugh, even once, I've done my job. Thanks for reading.

_________________
Max : Do you mind if I drive?
Sam : Not if you mind me clawing at the dashboard and shrieking like a cheerleader.

Another spur of the moment thing. A continuation of Vamp Willow and Vamp Tara's adventures in Las Vegas. A twisted tale is ahead.

Title - VIVA LAS VEGAS!! : Whippage.

Author name - Useful_Oxymoron

Email Address - Viernadevir@hotmail.com

Rating - R-rating. Includes two psychotic female vampires, so expect dark humor and violent imagery. Very twisted stuff, but funny. At least, I think so.

Disclaimer - Well, I don't own vampire Willow or vampire Tara. And if I did... do you really think I could control these two?! I'd fear for my life. Anyone who wants them can have them!

Feedback- Is cool. It's always nice to know somebody liked the crap I write.

Summary- A follow-up to the previous part Viva Las Vegas, which takes place in the Wishverse. Willow survives the attack of the White Hats and Vampires Willow and Tara have moved out to Las Vegas to start a new life. They live together, happily joined in unholy matrimony, in a house they stole. But Willow's developed a bit of a problem.

Notes- Influences for this story: ZZ-Top - Viva las vegas. Motor Head - Ace of Spades. Watching Vic Fontaine on Deep Space Nine.

note 2 - I'm making fun of something that, in real life, can be a really serious problem for some people. Though the matter is handled tongue-in-cheek, I acknowledge the fact that it is a very serious issue. So I suggest that if you're not a vampire who can steal/mug new money when he or she runs out, to be careful around casinos.

[hr]
VIVA LAS VEGAS!!



[hr]
Viva Las Vegas! : Whippage

From : RedFangWillowandBlueEyedTara@hotmail.com
To : 'Xander' Bad_Ass_Vampire@hotmail.com
Cc : 'The Master' SomethingInYourEye@TheBloodPlant.com, 'Darla' GodhaterVamp@hotmail.com, 'Spike' The_Internet_Is_Bollocks@hotmail.com, 'Auntie Dru' MissEdithAnswersMyMail@hotmail.com, 'Clem' Kittenhorfer@hotmail.com, 'Impata' Mummygirl@hotmail.com, 'Veruca' HowlinMadVeruca@wolfweres.net, 'Ms. French' PrayingMantisLady@insectworld.com, 'Puppy' SeekingRedemption@Angel-Investigations.com
Subject : Our blood party!

Hi, guys! Just a mail from the fabulous city of Las Vegas. I can't believe Tara and I have been living in our wonderful new home for two months already! I swear, we paint the town red every single night... quite literally, actually. We went to this David Copperfield show yesterday and he had this trick where he'd lay down on this table underneath three enormous circular saw-blades, get sawn in little bits and put back together again. So Tara just giggles at me, sneaks backstage and sabotages his rig. So she comes back, grinning like shark and when the trick started... Oh, there were limbs, blood, guts and gore and pieces of meat flying all over the place while the audience screamed like banshees all around us. It was so very funny. We laughed so hard! Isn't my Tara the most wondeful woman in the universe?!

Our house is big enough for wonderful blood-parties for every one of our friends (Hint, hint). I'll give you the time, date and details later. Oh, and Puppy? I like you, I really do, but if you're just going to be all mopey and broody and ruining everybody else's fun and carnage, just don't come at all, okay? And don't pick any fights with Spike!

I'd write you all more, but... Bored now.

Love and Carnage,
Willow


Willow smiled to herself as she pressed 'send', immediately shut down her computer and folded down the screen. She calmly strolled outside to the pool, where her wife Tara was floating on an inflatable raft, moonbathing in her blue bikini. Willow got out of her leather bodysuit, a feat she could now manage in 3.5 seconds due to excessive practise and dove into the pool.

"Hey!" Tara protested when the spray of water hit her.

"Sorry, baby," Willow called over while swimming circles around her wife. "Only place to dive, really. The pool's getting a bit cluttered up. Do you think we should clean up?"

"No, it gives the pool its romantic cachet, sweetie," Tara said, referring to the two drained Australian back-packers that were floating around in their pool. The two girls had given the vampires couple a good bit of entertainment and/or nourishment in the pool, and now served as wayward decoration.

"Okay, we'll bring them to Golgotha tomorrow," Willow shrugged. "Just remind me to put some more chlorine in the pool later."

Tara resumed relaxing and lay back on the raft. The rest was disturbed, however, when a naughty Willow started to hum.

"Ta-dum," Willow grinned and continued swimming circles around the raft. "Ta-dum. Ta-dum."

"Will?" Tara asked suspiciously. "You'd better not be thinking of..."

"Tum-tum. Tum-tum. Tum-tum. Tum-tum. Tum-tum. Ta-ra-tum-tum. Ta-ra-tum-tum..."

And then, Willow was gone. The water was clear and the night was silent. Tara glanced over the pool and realized too late that Willow was underneath the raft. Two hands gasped Tara, who tumbled into the pool with a yelp. Willow pulled her vampiric wife under and initiated underwater smootchies. Their lips met for a hungry kiss while they embraced and sank to the bottom. Tara didn't even notice when Willow had managed to remove the bikini, but as they pressed together and felt Willow's hands sliding across her body, she didn't really care. Having no need to breathe, the two vampires experienced many a climatic moment on the bottom of their pool before they rose to the surface thoroughly satisfied.

"Look at me," Tara scoffed in mock-anger while she and Willow lounged against the edge of the pool. "I'm all wet now."

Willow put a finger in her mouth and whispered like a little girl. "So sorry."

"My Willow's been a very naughty girl," Tara purred. "She's going to have to be punished."

---

Ever since Willow and Tara had moved into the house they had stolen, they had been making efforts to turn it into a place of their own. Of course, they had kept the bedroom and living room mostly intact, but added some things where necessary, like manacles to the headboard and rather bloody and kinky artwork (stolen) to improve the whitewashed decor of the house.

Willow had thrown out most of everything out of the previous owner's study and filled it with computers (stolen), laptops (stolen) and only the most expensive of computer components (also stolen) for the building of new systems.

Tara had converted one of the bigger spare bedrooms into a magic laboratory. She had her candles (stolen) and crystals (stolen) stashed there, as well as her spellbooks (stolen), her spell components (stolen) and her magic circle (also stolen) to perform her magical experiments (often heinous).

Miss Kitty Ferocio, their beloved pet cat, had a room all for herself, filled to the brim with toy mice (stolen), scratching posts (stolen), litter boxes (stolen) and other kitty toys (oh, so stolen).

But the basement... That was a story in itself. Though the two lovers had a very healthy and, for vampires, a surprisingly loving physical relationship, two psychotic vampires often had the need to take things one step further. The basement had before a playground of the bizarre. Whips (stolen), a rack (stolen), costumes (stolen) and all kinds of related kinky paraphernalia (bought... Ah, whom am I trying to kid, they stole everything already.)

A whip cracked across Willow's back, leaving a red welt. She was tied to the rack so tightly she barely had room to arc her back. "Hmmm," Willow smiled blissfully.

"So, any thoughts on where we'll be going this year, sweetie?" Tara asked calmly while bringing the whip back to striking position. It was the end of May and time to finalize their plans for the holidays, after all.

"Um, no," Willow replied with a smile when the whip slapped across her lower back.

"No who?" Tara asked menacingly.

"No, Mistress Tara," Willow grinned. "I mean, we could go to San Francisco, but there are so many stoners there. Those were some really bad trips last year, ba... uh, Mistress Tara."

*CRACK*

"What about Aspen?" Tara suggested.

*CRACK*

"No, too many rich people filled up with botox and silicones," Willow scoffed. "Bad for the blood."

*CRACK*

"Well, we'll have some time to think about it," Tara said calmly. *CRACK* "Be nice to go someplace quiet, but still has plenty of people to eat. Hm, what about Mexico? Spike used to have a friend there who ran a nudy-bar, but it got shot up by some criminals who vaguely resembled George Clooney and Quintin Tarantino."

*CRACK*

"When do you suppose we should host the blood party, ba... Mistress Tara?" Willow asked.

*CRACK*

"When we've got enough in the pot, I suppose," Tara said. "Depends on how fast we can steal more money."

*CRACK*

Tara held off on the whippage for a moment, much to Willow's dismay, to walk over to the shelves next to the manacles, where they had their piggy banks, labeled 'vacation', 'blood party' and 'miss Kitty fund'.

"Uh, baby," Willow started nervously, immediately earning herself a whip across her bottom. "Mistress Tara? What are you doing?"

"I'll ask the questions here!" Tara retorted and slashed her whip across Willow's shoulderblades. "I was just going to see how much money's in the blood party fund."

"Uhhh," Willow stammered. "I wouldn't look at that if I were you, Mistress Tara. It's very boring. I looked at it once and fell into a coma!"

Tara frowned and opened the blood party fund. "WILLOW!" Tara gasped. "Sweetie, we've been burgled! Oh, goddess, you can't leave anything in the house anymore before some thief with sticky fingers lifts it from you! Dammit, we stole that money first!" With dread, Tara checked the holiday fund. "WILLOW! The holiday money's gone too!"

"Uh.... yeah, maybe somebody stole it. Yeah. Maybe," Willow gulped.

Tara vamped out immediately and strolled back to the rack until her face was mere inches away from Willow's. "Willow," she menaced. "Look me in the eye."

Willow couldn't, but Tara grabbed her chin and made her. "Where is our money?"

"Uhm," Willow bit her lip so hard she drew blood. "I, uh, know exactly where it is."

"Where?" Tara gritted her teeth.

"Somewhere inside Ceasar's Palace," Willow whispered while Tara paled and ran back to the third and final piggy bank.

"NOT the miss Kitty fund too!" Tara lamented when she found that pot empty as well. "That was for emergencies! What am I going to tell Miss Kitty? 'Oh, sorry, baby, but you can't get the worm treatment you desperately need because one of your mommies blew our money at the videopoker machines?!"

"It was the blackjack table," Willow corrected. "Besides, you could just threaten to kill the vet's family if he doesn't give Kitty her worm treatment."

"It's the principle of the thing!" Tara spat. "You promised me you'd only gamble with the money stolen from victims and not our savings, Willow! You know you suck at gambling and this is all getting seriously out of hand!"

"But baby..." Willow started.

*CRACK* *CRACK* *CRACK* *CRACK* *CRACK* *CRACK*

When Willow recovered from the ecstacy brought on by Tara's violent loss of temper, she noticed she was now alone in the basement.

"Ta... Mistress Tara? Where are you?" Willow pouted. "Come on, you can't leave me hanging here! Untie me! Uh, Tara? Tara, are you there? TTTTAAAAAAARRRRRRAAAAAAAAA!"

---

Tara parked her car at the Las Vegas community center, just as the evening had fallen. Willow slowly stepped out of the car her body still sore from having hung from the rack all night after Tara had left her there. Tara had been angry with her all day, which Willow didn't like much at all. But really, what Tara wanted of her to do at the community canter was beyond ludicrous.

"Baby," Willow started to say to Tara, but the honeyblonde vampire merely growled at her and pointed to the revolving doors.

"IN!" Tara shouted before driving off, the tires screeching as she rounded about the corner. Willow shrugged and stepped inside.

Five minutes later, Willow found herself sitting in a circle with people who all looked like the kind of loser-types only good for feeding off, the one smelling worse than the other. In the center of it all sat a middle-aged blonde woman with a perpetually happy smile and clad in a psychedelically colored dress. When Willow had heard her name was Phoebe, she wanted to kill her on the spot.

"Hello everyone," Phoebe bubbled happily. "Such a swell day today! Isn't it super? Super-swell and chipper!"

Willow's nails sunk into the handles of her seat.

"Today we've got two new people to join our power circle," Phoebe motioned towards Willow and the man sitting next to her. "Please, introduce yourself."

"Hi, I'm, uh," the man said nervously. "I'm Thad and... I am a compulsive gambler."

"HI, THAD!" the power-circle greeted enthusiastically.

Phoebe motioned to Willow, who hung in her seat looking bored. The vampire sighed and sat up a little straighter. "I'm Willow and I'm very bored now."

"Ahum," coughed Phoebe.

"And I'm a compulsive gambler too, I guess."

"HI, WILLOW!"

"Let's all give Thad and Willow a round of applause for having the courage to take that first step on the road to recovery," Phoebe raved. "Come on. Yay! Yay! Yay!"

I hope you all spontaneously combust, Willow thought harshly while the entire circle was praising her.

"Okay, before we start off, lets clarify the rules," Phoebe bubbled. "Now, the object is to support and learn from each other. So when a member is telling his tale, he holds the Friend Fish," she said taking out a small yellow stuffed fish. "Now, when a member is holding the Friend Fish, only that member may speak and nobody else can interrupt. But don't worry, there's plenty of opportunity for discussion afterwards. Thad, may I give you the Friend Fish?"

"Thank you," Thad said when he took the fish. "Gambling... it's the bane of my life. Gambling made me lose my home, my wife and my job. Now..."

"Ugh, loser," Willow snorted.

"Now, now, now, Willow, lets not judge. You wouldn't like to be judged, now would you?"

"Oh, please, please judge me," Willow smiled sweetly. "Give me an excuse. Any excuse will do," she added wickedly.

"Willow, you are not holding the Friend Fish. And do you remember what it means when someone else holds the Friend Fish?" Phoebe stressed.

"I get to hurt the person holding the Fish?" Willow asked hopefully while Thad slid his chair a bit away from Willow.

"No, it means you cannot speak."

Willow fumed. This room seemed to be getting smaller and smaller and smaller, and the people seemed to be getting more and more and more annoying by the second. "Look, bitch," Willow glared holes in Phoebe's skull. "Nobody tells me when I can and can't speak. Not you, not Thad, and yes, maybe Tara, but never your Asshole Fish!"

Phoebe looked away from Willow. "I'm sensing a lot of negativity in the room. What are we going to do about that, Willow?"

Willow said nothing, but simply vamped out. "You just gave me my excuse."

---

"So you slaughtered your entire support group?" Tara blinked after Willow had come home to find Tara preparing food for Miss Kitty Ferocio. "Normally that'd turn me on bigtime, but all things considered it's not all that handy.

"Hm, baby," Willow was welcomed into Tara's arms. "It was awful. They were all such losers and I couldn't speak because I wasn't holding a fish."

"Uh, what?" Tara blinked.

"I can take care of this myself, baby," Willow sniffed. "I don't need no whiny losers and stupid peaceloving hippie Phoebes. I vamped her, you know? Last time I saw her, she was chasing a group of elderly people, still holding her Friend Fish."

"Hey, you're my wife," Tara announced. "And thus I love and support you. So, for your own good, there won't be any whippage until you work this out. I'm sorry. This hurts me more than it does you."

"N-no whippage?!" Willow's lower lip trembled as a heavy pout started to form. "But... It might hurt you, but I'd rather have you hurting me! Mistress Tara?"

"It's for your own good, sweetie," Tara looked away, tears forming in her eyes. "You're just going to have to do with only hot sex for now."

"Awwwww..." Willow pouted heavily. "No fair. Do I at least get to whip you?"

"No whippage of any kind. Sorry, Will, but I h-h-hhave to put my f-f-foot down," Tara sniffed.

"Then I'll quit gambling! You'll see! I'll do it for you. For you and for Whippage. Now, about those backpackers in the pool."

"Already taken care of," Tara smiled while putting her home-made catfood into Miss Kitty's bowl, who ate hungrily. "Come on, Miss Kitty," Tara gently petted their beloved cat. "Eat some crunchy munchy human."

Miss Kitty Ferocio purred happily in response.

---

Willow emerged from a busy mall, having put her nimble fingers to work on the many humans who had passed her buy and quickly ducked into an alley to see what she had scored. Fifteen wallets, together good for 3000 dollars in cash, loads of credit cards and 15 pictures of very ugly wives and children. She tossed the wallets (and stomped on the pictures for good measure) and checked her pockets for her other thefts. Passing by the humans, she'd stolen a great deal or rings, watches, necklaces and cufflinks. A neat pile lay in her hands and, after a quick visit to the pawnshop, she held in her hands a hefty 7000 dollars and plenty of credit cards for her to crack and raid behind her computers at home.

But now came the real challenge: walking back home along Las Vegas' famous strip with the money in had, and resisting the urge to duck into one of the many casinos.

Willow started her long trek along the neon-filled Strip, trying to think of other things. Tara and Willow had spent a lot of time on the strip together, mostly hunting but also seeing many comedy acts. Willow and Tara had become the toughest comedy critics known to man. If they had a bad time, the comic in question usually disappeared without a trace... Willow immensely enjoyed torturing and murdering Carrot-top for all the damage he had done to red-heads all over the world.

It was different when they liked the comic in question. Willow would never let Tara forget how Tara went overboard and threw her bra at George Carlin before she remembered she was gay. And if the comic in question was funny AND female, well, she'd have two vampiric groupies to deal with after the show. Willow was sure Sarah Silverman's life would never be the same again.

Then, Willow passed Ceasar's Palace... and almost caved.

Think Tara. Think Whippage. Tara, Tara, Tara, Tara, Whippage, Whippage! Images of Tara in a leather cat-suit... Images of Tara naked... Images of Tara in Bikini.... Images of Tara in Bikini holding a huge machinegun... Images of Tara in Bikini firing that huge machinegun into the powercircle of her ex-supportgroup. And before Willow knew it, she was halfway through the strip already.

MGM Grand, Luxor, Tropicana, Excalibur... she passed them all by merely thinking of her Tara. And after an agonizingly long walk, Willow was free and still had her 7000 dollars in hand. She twirled around her axis on one foot, dancing in the night. Until...

"Watcha the ball, watcha the ball. Where she goes, nobody knows!" sounded behind her. Two men were playing a shell-game on the streetcorner.

Well, it's not really gambling, is it? Willow thought to herself. I mean, with my vampiric senses, I should be able to see where the ball is and always win!

On her left shoulder, a miniature vamped-out Willow wearing a devil-suit appeared. "Oh, come on," devil-Willow said. "It's a sure thing! And Tara'll be really happy when you bring in all that extra money."

On her right shoulder, a second mini-Willow, this one with a sweet angelic face and wings appeared. "Like you'd ever listen to me anyway," angel-Willow scoffed and pouted, "go ahead, poopy up your unlife. See if I care!"

---

Willow was pissed off. Her vampiric senses saw where the ball went, already : right down the guy's sleeve. If there was one thing Willow hate, it was being cheated. So the man was now neatly drained and torn to bits. She had obtained the man's money, bringing her fortune up to 10000 dollars. And seeing she had failed to pass the strip without gambling, she started again. But this time around...

---

"I tried, I really tried," Willow sniffed while she sat in her living room at home. "I almost made it, but then I saw this fat stupid texan guy sitting at the roulette table in Ceasar's Palace..."

"Again with the Ceasar's Palace," Tara sighed. "Oh, Willow... you were doing so well."

"I started out with nothing, ended up with 10000 dollars, but then I went into Ceasar's Palace, lost and won, lost and won, lost and won," Willow sighed and put down a bag with money on the table. "I gambled. I failed you."

Tara looked inside the bag... and looked at Willow with a bug-eyed expression.

"Baby?" Willow frowned. "You look like you've seen your own insect-reflection."

"There's 80000 dollars in this bag," Tara blinked. "That's enough for our vacation, the miss Kitty fund, one hell of a blood party and we'll still have money to spare. I'll go put it in the safe right now!"

Willow frowned. "Aren't you mad at me for gambling, baby?"

"Yeah, but only when you lose!" Tara chuckled. "Now, this money's off limits. You'll only gamble with what you steal from others, okay? And we'll both put some of our winnings into our savings, okay?"

"I promise," Willow looked at her wife slyly. "Play now?" she suggested with an eager grin.

Tara grinned at her wife. "Let's plan our blood party over some firm Whippage," Tara started, to which Willow let out a gleeful giggle. "And some fierce loving to follow in the bedroom."

Willow hugged her beloved wife tightly while Tara led her towards the basement. "Tara?" Willow said. "I didn't make that money gambling. I just followed a high-roller back to his room, threw him out the window and stole his money."

"That's the girl I love," Tara kissed her wife on the cheek... on the nose... on the lips... and soon they were rolling over the floor, sending clothes flying.

And upstairs, Miss Kitty Ferocio was eating her second dish, reflecting how much better mommie Tara's home-made food was than her usual Whiskas.
[hr]

_________________
Max : Do you mind if I drive?
Sam : Not if you mind me clawing at the dashboard and shrieking like a cheerleader.

OMG! I loved the first part of this but didn't leave fb. I know - I'm a bad kitten!

I love Willow and Tara as vampires, they are so deliciously naughty! Even as 'blood sucking fiends' Willow is still a slave to Tara.

I'd love to see this continued.

Caz

_________________
"Gosh, look at those!" Willow - Doppelgangland

"I'm a bloodsucking fiend! Look at my outfit!" Willow - Doppelgangland

Willow is so whipped lol.... no pun intended
Loved the email addys; they email Ms French? Hehe.

_________________
"I don't get your crazy system!"
"System? It's called the alphabet!"

G'day, UO.

Ahh, just what the doctor ordered, another round of merry, blood splattered fun with our two favorite homicidal lovebirds. Once again, you've shown a knack of coming up with fantastic email addresses. I especially liked Spike's.

So much for David Copperfield and Carrot-Top, huh? I don't think the world will miss them too much, do you?



Looks like not needing to breath is a plus in at least one more situation.

Tut tut on Willow for stealing all their savings to gamble. What's the world coming to when you can't trust a soulless monster not to rob you, huh? That being said, Tara's response was hysterical. A support group? For an extremely cranky vampire? Was Tara really surprised about what happened?



For some reason, I seem to have that song that goes 'Whip it good' at some point stuck in my head. I wonder why?

Tara's home-made cat food.



Superb, UO! Simply superb!

The whole tale of Willow's attempts to deny the lure of the strip were hilarious. Especially how she finally managed to come out in the black.

You rock, mate!

Cheers,
Paul.

_________________
That’s right: In order to make this event LESS popular, the female activists take off their tops and jog in front of onlookers. - Scott Adams, regarding the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona.

UO,
If the first part of this played like Willow and Tara in "Natural Undead Killers", then this second part is the bastard turned spawn of Marilyn Manson and Rose McGowan were they still together.
This is the wrong side of the tracks, dark sordid side of all of those after-school specials we all watched as kids.
It has it all; it's a cautionary tale of greed, compulsive gambling, the deliverance from evil, and the uplifting imagery of seeing David Copperfield and Carrot-Top being graphically eviscerated for their crimes against humanity.
It even has bondage, S&M, and flogging to add verisimilitude in helping to retstore Las Vegas to its former glory of SIn CIty rather than the family tourist destination which it has been trying to establish in recent years.
The longer Willow and Tara set up shop and ply their trade of harmless mayhem and fun, the better off the rest of the country will be.

_________________
I can deny chicks in chainmail nothing.
Amberhol-from the land of sky blue waters.
No Mere Music Hall, This my novel available directly from rosestindog@gmail.com.

The image that's really staying with me is Willow fighting off temptation by fixating on Tara in a bikini with a machine-gun slaughtering her support group. It's just so horrifically funny. I just love the completely warped moral sense behind these stories - there's a kind of right and wrong in play, and Willow and Tara are actual characters with real needs and feelings, not just caricaturish killing machines... it's just that they're so evil they're awesome, and 'kill someone' is a valid solution to almost any problem.

And there's Miss Kitty Ferocio, of course. Vamp Willow got her own TV episodes, and Vamp Tara gets a lot of attention from fanfic, but it's good to finally see Miss Kitty's evil persona let out to play.

_________________
Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass - Every world needs a Willow and Tara.

Caz That's okay. You're here now, that's what counts. LOL! Willow is completely under Tara's thrall... and Tara knows it. Still, there's deep love between them, despite their evil wicked ways. I have to be in a special mood to write one of these, and when I have one, I'll definitely write another part.

WillowRulez LOL! Yeah, good point.

Paul Glad you liked the emails, they're great fun to think up too. No, Tara wasn't surprised at all, but it did keep Willow's mind of gambling for an evening. The cat-food was a fun gag. Evil miss kitty.



LOL! Thanks! Ironic, isn't it... all those casinos she resisted and Willow's resolve falls due to a shellgame.

Taralicious


I only watched those to laugh at, because they were so obviously pounding their message home. I prefer the more subtle approach myself... which isn't this story, really. There message is, I think : Evil is good and Carnage is fun. At least to vampires, that is. Oh, yeah, with Vamp Willow and Vamp Tara on the prowl, well, Vegas is on its way to become Sin City again.

Chris - I love writing these twisted tales when the right mood strikes me. I think the humor is better when they're not just charicatures, but also characters with real feelings and needs, as you say, because it adds a layer of recognisability and absurdism to the mix which I feel works well.

The 'good' thing about vampires is that most of their inhibitions are gone, as we saw from vamp Willow in her episodes. Though I don't think a cat can be evil (or good for that manner), though sometimes they fall in with evil owners. Thanks,

_________________
Max : Do you mind if I drive?
Sam : Not if you mind me clawing at the dashboard and shrieking like a cheerleader.

Dude, I'm so sorry for not leaving feedback for these fics. There's something about lucious Vampire Willow and Tara in very revealing outfits that I just like for some reason. Hmm, I wonder why...

Any chance of more?

_________________
Avatar Images Courtesy of Kirari-PGSM.net
The Star Witches Saga | Under the Sea | The Moonlight Densetsu Chronicles | Going the Distance | Slippery When Wet | Short Fics by Sith

A new part of Las Vegas, submitted to your approval. But first...

Alex - Yes, exactly, but for me, it's very appealing to write about psychotic and immoral characters, but I have to be in a specific (overly happy) mood to write this kind of story. But yeah, there'll be more parts when I get more ideas. For now, there's this one.



Title - VIVA LAS VEGAS!! : 3 - Blood Party.

Author name - Useful_Oxymoron

Email Address - Viernadevir@hotmail.com

Rating - R-rating. Includes two psychotic and violent female vampires, so expect dark humor and violent imagery. Very twisted stuff, but funny. At least, I think it's tongue-in-cheek funny. Then again, I'm nuts.

Disclaimer - Well, I don't own vampire Willow or vampire Tara. And if I did... do you really think I could control these two?! I'd fear for my life. Anyone who wants them can have them! I'll even throw in a set of whips.

Feedback- Is cool. It's always nice to know somebody liked the crap I write.

Summary- A follow-up to the previous part Viva Las Vegas, which takes place in the Wishverse. Willow and Tara invite all their friends to a viciously violent blood party, but Tara has a surprise in store for her beloved wife.

Notes- Influences for this story: ZZ-Top - Viva las vegas. Motor Head - Ace of Spades. Watching Vic Fontaine on Deep Space Nine. For this one, anything by Tom Jones.

[hr]
Willow was having a whale of a time. Two nearly drunken fratboys had her hands all over her leather clad body as she led them to the alley behind the Plastic Hooters Parlor at the end of the Strip. And here were the boys, whispering sweet nothings in her ears... well, if lewd comments and propositions for outrageous sexual positions could be considered sweet nothings, that is.

Just as Willow led the boys to the end of a large dumpster, she stepped away from them with the promise of the stripshow in the moonlight. But before Willow could even start her dance, another female vampire jumped out of the dumpster and clonked them over the head with a big shovel, knocking them unconscious.

"Nice," Willow grinned. "That's two more, baby. And you didn't crush their skulls this time."

"It's the hands-in-many-places," Tara smirked as she slung the shovel over her shoulder. "I'm the jealous type, sweetie."

"Well, let's get these boyo's into the back of the van," Willow said and dragged both boys along by the feet to toss them in with the rest of the prey. Willow took a moment to rub a finger across one of the boy's headwound and licked the drop from her finger.

"Wow!" Willow licked her lips. "Type 0-negative."

"Lucky!" Tara raved. "Those always taste the best."

"Add in the alcohol and he'll make one hell of a party favor," Willow grinned. "Perfect. So, what do we need for our party?" she told herself while taking out her clipboard and list.

"Sound equipment," Willow read. "That's okay, Veruca is bringing her own. Hm, Karaoke-machine?"

"Freshly stolen," Tara said, motioning past the unconscious human where the machine stood, along with other electronic knick-knacks they had 'liberated' from the store.

"Okay," Willow checked the list. "Knives?"

"Stolen," Tara said, pointing to a rack of kitchen knives hanging next to the machine.

"Dip and pickles?"

"Shoplifted."

"Torture equipment?"

Tara grinned wickedly. "We have enough of those at home, sweetie."

Willow chuckled briefly. "Of course, sweetie. Hm, booze?"

Tara motioned to the many bottles rolling around in the back of the van. "We ram-raided the off-license, remember?"

"Check. Do we need more party favors?" Willow frowned at the humans.

"Hmm," Tara bit her lit, scrunching up her nose in the most cutest way Willow had ever seen. "We'll also have that betting pool, better be on the safe side."

"Cool, let's go shopping!" Willow grinned.

---

"That one?"

"No, too scrawny."

"That one?"

"No, that guy's too fat. High cholesterol, bad for the blood."

"That one?"

"Ew, she's a hooker! Who knows what she has in her blood?"

"What about her?"

"No. Cop. Too much trouble."

"Him?"

"Mobster. They eat too much garlic."

"Snobby picky eater."

"I like my blood pure."

"I just like blood, period."

"You should try some refinement."

"I'm a non judgmental feeder."

"Oh, oh! Look at her! Hm, confident stride, prideful stride. Alright, Tara, you're up."

Tara grinned at her wife. "Stand by with the shovel... I'm going in."

---

The day of the blood party had finally come. They had decided to make it a costume party, and invite all their friends from Sunnydale. Willow and Tara hadn't made many local friends since they had moved to Las Vegas. Most of the other vampires with young fledglings, like themselves, who were more interested in staking a claim to a hunting grounds than socializing. So, the girls went on the offensive in response.

Willow and Tara, despite not having made any minions, had aggressively claimed a part of the strip and the suburb they lived in as their personal hunting grounds, and zealously defended their turf, which often included viciously slaughtering other vampires who dared to encroach on their terrain, also even seeking out the other vampires in their own territories to 'teach them a lesson'.

The only friend they had made was Tony, another major player in town. Tony was a mobster in a previous life, and as a vampire, continued his racketeering, gambling and vice ring with his vampiric gang. Tony had staked a claim on the other side of the Strip and large parts of the north side of town. He respected Willow and Tara, while the other vampires in town feared them to death. It suited the girls more than fine.

Tara passed the terrified humans, who were gagged and chained to several wooden poles in the living room and moved to Miss Kitty Ferocio in the bedroom. Tara sat down and patted the side of the bad. Immediately, Miss Kitty Ferocio purred at her side, ready to be picked up and petted. But instead of being petted, Miss Kitty found herself put into a plastic travel box.

"Sorry, baby," Tara told the mournful cat. "But Xander is bringing Xena and Gabrielle. It's not safe for you to be running around. We'll make it up to you, baby, I swear. Catnip aplenty for the rest of the week."

After tearfully putting Miss Kitty in a safe place, Tara returned to the living room. The girl's living room was high and broad, so there was plenty of room for the podium. Tara waved at Veruca who was performing a final soundcheck, while she found Willow sitting in front of the TV, watching an old Ren & Stimpy rerun. Tara mused that, even in costume, Willow could never let go of the tight leather, but Tara was the first to admit that Willow looked stunning in her Batgirl costume.

Party-favors, booze and snacks were meticulously placed on and around tables, so Willow was actually relaxing from setting things up for the party.

"What are you supposed to be again?" Willow grinned while clicking away a psychotic Ren to drool at Tara, who was wearing a Star-Spangled Banner bikini, high heels, a thin cloth tied around her waist and a tiara on her head.

"Will," Tara sighed. "Try to remember. I'm Miss America."

"Can't," Willow shrugged.

"What?" Tara narrowed her eyes. "I don't look hot enough?"

"Hotness is not lacking," Willow grinned wickedly at her wife. "You just look too intelligent to be a miss America. I'm sorry."

"I can be stupid," Tara adopted a faraway look in her eyes and looked around the room with a slacked jaw. "Duuuuuhhhhh. If I, like, win this crown and stuff, I'm, like, gonna promote world peace... and stuff. Mostly stuff... Uh, this is hard, I wanna go shopping. Doy."

"Sorry," Willow shrugged. "But I already know what a crafty, smart and cunning huntress you are, so it's not working."

"Aww," Tara felt her heart melt at the compliment.

Before the argument could go develop into full scale kissage, the doorbell rang. The two girls scrambled towards the door, almost crawling over each other to get to the door first. When the door finally opened, the Master looking down at the two girls on the floor.

"Alright," he blinked and held out a wine bottle filled with blood.

"Sorry, Master," Willow stated meekly and let him in. "This is our home, where we live."

"Well," the Master nodded appreciatively while he walked into the living room. "You two have certainly moved up from your old apartment. I always said Sunnydale'd be too small for you."

"Uhm, Master?" Tara asked carefully. "Didn't you bring a costume? This is a costume party, but you're wearing the same leather suit you always wear."

"Ah," the Master replied and fished a set of goggles from his pocket. Upon unfolding it, it was revealed to be a set of cheap plastic nose-glasses. He put them on and stared at Willow. "I'm Groucho Marx."

"Uhhh, okay..." Willow blinked, while Tara shot her wife a 'don't-even-think-of-insulting-the-Master'-look, which looked remarkably like her 'I'm-not-ready-to-become-a-widow'-look.

---

While Veruca's powerful voice entertained the many guests that were coming in all the time. The place was filling up with monsters... dressed up as other monsters. Impata the mummy girl was, rather unimaginatively, dressed up like a mummy, while Ms. French had chosen for a more revealing outfit: Elvira, mistress of the Dark. The Master was chatting with Moloch, while Balthazar was, rather ineffectually, trying to limbo. Mayor Wilkins was just explaining the positive effects of non-alcohol based disinfectants to Clem, when the doorbell rang.

"Xander!" Willow yelled and hugged her tuxedo-clad childhood friend.

"Hey, Will," Xander greeted. "My name's James Bond. Not a lot of people know that."

"And you've brought the girls," Willow grinned, when Xena and Gabrielle, two viciously snarling frothing at the mouth Rottweilers on a dual leash entered the house. As soon as the Rottweilers were released, they barked and sped towards the party favors, IE, the shackled humans. Many where the laughs and catcalls when the vicious dogs ripped into one of the males, until a heavy growl from Veruca caused the dogs to back off and return to Xander.

"Hey, I'm not the only one," Xander said, as Spike followed suit.

"Oy," said Spike. "Crocodile Hunter 'ere. Live from the wilds of Las Vegas."

Willow regarded Spike in his khaki shorts and couldn't stop from snickering.

"Oh, come on, don't laugh. Bloody Dru made me wear it," Spike retorted, taking off his jungle hat. "It's her latest obsession."

Strolling in behind Spike like a queen surveying her kingdom, came in Drusilla, dresses as the queen of queens Cleopatra herself, complete with Egyptian make-up.

"Mummy!" Tara squealed and flew into the arms of her Sire. A few moments later, Drusilla was sitting on the couch, while Tara lay on her side, purring while she laid her head on Dru's lap while the elder vampire ran her hand through Tara's long blonde hair.

"Hush, dearie," Drusilla shushed Tara. "Has naughty, naughty Willow been taking good care of my precious Kitten?"

"Very good, mummy," Tara sighed. "But I've been taking care of her too."

"Ah, the moment I saw you, fretting about in the dark with your books with your fearful heart beating in your mortal chest, I knew you would slay your family with much glee and happy cakes," Drusilla giggled. "But today is not your birthday. And I saw naughty, naughty Willow and you together before I even brought you to your new home. Ah, the vision... such delightful sin. I had to poke out Miss Edith's eyes, before she would blush. She would be so embarrassed."

"Thanks for making me into a vampire, mummy. I never would have met Willow otherwise."

---

I'm sittin'... on top... of the world

The Master sang surprisingly on key as he held the microphone on stage, being egged on by the other vampires in the room.


I'm rollin' along. Rollin' alooooong.

Don't want any millions,
I'm getting my share.
I've only got one suit, just one!
That's all I can weeeeaaaarrrrr.
A bundle of money,
Won't won't make you feel gaaaaaaayyyyy...
XANDER, STOP GIGGLING LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL! THAT WORD HAD A DIFFERENT MEANING WHEN THIS SONG WAS NEW!

Seeing the song was over, Veruca took the stage until another vampire would dare to challenge the Karaoke machine.

Still more guests were arriving and the place was filling up nicely. Willow smiled contently while the empty bottles were tossed about around her head and many screams of victims/party favors reached her eager ears.

Tony 'the Chin', accompanied by two angry looking goons entered the house, greeting the girls with a jovial grin. "Bambino's," he said. "Thank you for inviting mes to yer beautiful home."

"Welcome, Tony," Tara greeted. "Help yourself to some party favors. And mingle! There's so many interesting people here."

"I intend to," Tony grinned.

"Oh, god, it's him," Willow grit her teeth when she spotted a car stopping, Angel's car. A very nervous Angel and a rather dour looking Darla, who literally had to drag him into the house. While Tara shared a hug with Darla, Willow glowered at Angel, causing him to cower slightly.

"And what's this, Puppy?" Willow fumed. "Already you're ruining everybody's fun. Oh, everybody is in costume, except you. Puppy has to be 'special'. And you'd better not be broody, Puppy."

Angel bit his lip. "Darla said going to this party would be good for my self esteem, so please don't bring me down, Willow. Besides, I'm not the only one without a costume on. That Lobster demon over there..."

"That's not a Lobster demon, that's Clem in a lobster suit," Willow yelled. "Even Moloch is in a costume. See, he's dressed as a big robot."

"That's because he IS a big robot," Angel tried.

"Counts as a costume, since he's non-corporeal," Willow huffed and grabbed a yellow post-it, scribbled the word 'dork' on it and pressed it against Angel's shirt. "Here's your costume. Now mingle, try not to ruin everybody's fun and for death's sake, don't try to free our food!"

As Angel took Darla's arm and mingled with the other guests, Tara took her side next to Willow. "My," Tara said. "I don't know what Darla sees in him. She needs to find a nice girl or something."

---


When I'm killin', yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's killin' hard for you
And when the money, comes in for the thefts I do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you
When I come home, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I torture, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's torturing with you

But I would break 500 necks
And I would break 500 more
Just to be the man who breaks a thousand necks
To fall down at your door


While Spike sang his british lungs out in his own violent rendition of 500 miles by the Proclaimers, Drusilla, to whom he was singing, gleefully clapped her hands together like an overactive little girl. As soon as Spike was finished, he was greeting with whistles, applause, the occasional raised lighter and a hug from Drusilla.

"Okay," Willow hit a spoon against a frying pan. "Listen up everybody! This is Las Vegas over there, so it's time to lay your money into our betting pool," she said while Tara carried a chart into the living room. On the chart were numbers and odds. "Alright, all the humans in the rooms are numbered and their numbers correspond with the chart here. So, you can lay in your bets and write your name behind the number of human you think will be the last one to be alive at the end of the night. The demons who guessed the right human will divide the pot at the end of the night. Now, cheating is allowed, so feel free to maim, kill and horribly slaughter at your heart's content. Oh, and we don't accept kittens as currency. If you don't know why, ask Tara, she'll explain it to you with a hot poker to the eyeballs."

There was a rush of demons and vampires to the chart, as they lay in their bets and wrote their names behind the humans they thought would be the last to survive the night.

"Hey!" called out Clem. "Tony and his goons are doing over Angel in the backyard. Somebody has to help him!"

"Oh, this I have to see!" Spike rushed to the backyard.

---


Near a tree by a river
There’s a hole in the ground
Where an old man of aran
Goes around and around
And his mind is a beacon
In the veil of the night
For a strange kind of fashion
There’s a wrong and a right
But he’ll never, never fight over you

I got time to kill
Sly looks in corridors
Without a plan of yours
A blackbird sings on bluebird hill
Thanks to the calling of the wild
Wise mens child

Sounded the soft melodic voice of Drusilla as she took the stage. She seemed quite taken with the nonsensical lyrics of the song and threw a lot of soul into her performance... which was remarkable because she didn't have any to begin with.

After Drusilla was done and accepted the applause, Willow moved to the backroom, where several demons were having a knife-throwing contest, the target being a door to which a man was tied. A few throws and a final blood-curdling scream later, and another name was striped off the chart by Tara. Things were starting to get exciting.

Angel was walking around, avoiding contact with the more violent demons and oddly hanging out a lot with less vicious demons like Clem. Unbeknownst to him, a great many more post-its were stuck to his back. They read 'kick me', 'I'm bloody stupid', 'ladida, flaming poofter', 'Dru is mine, soul-boy' and 'De-fanged and neutered', all written in the same handwriting.

Soon after Drusilla's song, the party was being led out to their large backyard, where a crude maze made out of timber was located, each wooden wall about six feet high and had tops covered with barbed wire, glass and rusty nails.

"Alright, five carpenters worked a week on creating this maze, and I'm sure you appreciate their fine craft," Willow called to the three randomly chosen humans located in the center of the maze as she spoke to them from the roof of the house, while her guests stood on benches next to the walls to spectate. "You three. If you find the exit of the maze, you're free to go. But remember, only one of you will survive... and you won't be in there alone. Release the hounds!"

Xander gleefully opened the hatch to let Xena and Gabrielle into the maze with the humans. The snarling, fiendish dogs immediately started to hunt for their food, in this case, the three humans looking for the exit of the maze.

"Are you going to tell them there's not an exit to this maze?" Spike whispered as he stood next to Willow.

"Nah," Willow chuckled. "They'll find out soon enough. Say, have you seen Tara? She loves animals, she wouldn't miss me."

"Search me, Red," Spike shrugged while the screams of the victims sliced through the night-sky.

---

Tom Jones had enjoyed his performance at Ceasar's Palace, like he always did. Tonight was a good night, with many enthusiastic members in the audience, allowing him to mix old songs with newer ones. But now, it was time to go home, or rather, to the airport. He had stepped into the carpark and was just about to unlock his rental car when he heard a nervous voice behind her.

"Uh, h-hi. Mister J-jones? C-could I have your a-autograph, please?"

Turning around, he saw the sweetest girl he had ever seen. She had long blonde hair, wore a long coat and bowed her head nervously. He briefly wondered how she had gotten past security unharmed, because he knew Crusher was hardcore about fans not getting into the parking lot. But glancing over the girl's shoulder, he couldn't see Crusher at all. Why wasn't he at his post?

Tom shrugged and took the CD the girl held in her hand. "Sure, darling, sure. Who do I make it out to?"

"To T-tara and W-willow, please," the girl stammered.

"Alright," Tom said and took a pen from his coat. He put the CD on the roof of his car and wrote on the cover.

"T-thank you," Tara replied.

"Such a polite young woman you are," Tom smiled and turned towards the girl. "Here you are..."

But before he could finish his sentence, he was hit over the head with a shovel and was out cold before he hit the ground.

---

To Tom, the polite young woman that was Tara was replaced by a weird broad in a bikini and a psychotic expression on her face. And to make matters worse, he was suddenly inside a house filled with all kinds of vampires and weird monsters. This was literally a nightmare come true... Thriller was an impressive music video, but he never expected to be in it.

"Listen to me," Tara snarled as she pointed the crossbow in her hands right at Tom's heart. "Two minutes from now, you are going to sing 'Till' and Veruca will be your backup singer. You do what I say, and you just might make it through this night alive. Give it your everything, Tom. You'll be singing to the love of my life."

"W-whatever you say," Tom replied meekly and stared at the closed curtains. "Is it a tough crowd?"

"Possibly the toughest crowd you've ever played for," grinned Tara, before she gave the crossbow to another women dressed up like Cleopatra. "Mummy," she told the other woman. "If he gets one key wrong, shoot him."

As soon as Tara had moved through the curtains, Tom sidled over to the other woman. "Look," he said. "This woman's crazy, we have to get out of here. I swear, I'll do a good word for you at the police station. Just let me go, alright."

"Hush, pet," the other woman said and pointed the crossbow at Tom. "What's new pussycat? Today is not her birthday, but I can hear the worms calling out to you. They say 'happy family, happy family' and the world runs around the mulberry bush. She's a lady and the lady is hers."

Tom Jones sighed heavily. "Great... Just great."

---

"Tara, where've you been?" Willow frowned as she took Tara's hands. "I thought for a moment you ran off on me, baby."

Tara smiled mysteriously. "It's time for the slow dance, sweetie," she said when several demons and vampires paired off to prepare for the slow-dance. "I've got a surprise for you..."

The curtains fell, revealing a rather nervous Welsh pop singer getting ready to start his song.

"What the..." Willow blinked. "That's Sir Tom Jones over there! And it looks like he has a serious headwound."

"Sssh," Tara whispered, dragging Willow's attention back to her by guiding her chin with her finger, while resting her other arm on Willow's back. "Just enjoy the music."


You are my reason to live
all I own I would give
just to have you adore me.

Till the moon deserts the sky
till all the seas run dry

Tom Jones started out a bit nervously, but was more than adequately supported by Veruca. Though Moloch and Clem slowdancing made quite an impression Willow and Tara only had eyes for each other. Demons and vampires alike took to the mood.


till then I'll worship you.
Till the tropic sun grows cold

The person who said soulless vampires couldn't love, had obviously never met Willow and Tara. So much of their love at that moment was conveyed by a glint in the eye, a quirk for the lips, a soft caress. The two vampires flowed together naturally.


till this young world grows old
my darling I'll adore you.
You are my reason to live
all I own I would give

Willow pulled Tara a little closer to her and then slowly, ever so slowly, craned her neck to one side. It was an invitation for Tara to drink of Willow's blood. For a vampire it was one of the most intimate offerings imaginable, and an expression of ultimate trust. Even though it had a chance of making her look weak in front of the other vampires, Willow didn't care.

Tara took the invitation and slowly probed Willow's neck. She found the spot that made Willow shudder and slowly, carefully, allowed her fangs to slowly break the skin. The blonde vampire shivered violently when she tasted the richness of Willow essence, and drank deeply. The smell of Willow's hair, the softness of her skin, the taste of her blood: Tara was in heaven.


just to have you adore me.
Till the rivers flow up stream

Everybody else was gone. Nothing existed but Willow and Tara... and just maybe Tom Jones and Veruca, somewhere miles away. Tara moved a little closer, allowing Willow to bite and drink from her as well while Tara fed of Willow. And so they drank each other's blood, letting the incredible euphoria take hold of them.


till lovers cease to dream
till then I'm yours
be miiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

If any watchers had been present today, Willow and Tara would have been the unliving proof that true love doesn't require a soul.

---

"Oh, god," Willow held her head as she slowly woke up. "You bastard!"

All around her demons and vampires lay sprawled on the floor and couches, after a full night of heavy-duty drinking and partying. The Master lay snoring on the couch, amongst the empty bottles of Malibu, while Spike and Dru were holding each other while sleeping off a massive hangover. Tara was walking amongst the sleeping demons, avoiding the tiny rays of sunlight that came in through the thick curtains they had hung in front of the windows, often moving a sleeping vampire who was in danger of getting burned by said rays.

"Tara, good morning," Willow said, while the other vampire treated her to a kiss.

"Will," Tara ran her hand through Willow's hair. "Go back to sleep, it's morning."

"What about you?"

"Gotta feed miss Kitty and make sure none of our friends gets incinerated, sweetie," Tara said. "And I gotta make a start with cleaning up."

"Hey," Willow grinned. "We're snobby american nouveaux riches. That means we don't have to clean up... we'll just hire an illegal mexican maid to clean up after our asses. And when she's done, we can eat her. Isn't America the best country in the world?"

"Heh," Tara giggled. "You made a funny, sweetie."

"I did?" Willow frowned, then grinned when she realized her own pun. "Oh, yeah. Say, who won the pot?"

"Oh, Clem did," Tara said. "Tom Jones was the last survivor. The only survivor, actually. I think he escaped through the bathroom window while we were all getting drunk."

"Just as well," Willow smiled and let Tara snuggled against her. "It was such a wonderful song. You're so amazing, Tara. Hey, what's that screaming?"

Tara carefully peered through a crack in the curtains. "Oh, that's just Xena and Gabrielle tearing the flesh off the mailman's bones. Nothing special."

"Aww, that's so cute," Willow smiled. "Xander really loves his cute little doggies."

"This was the best bloodparty ever," Tara smiled as she snuggled against her wife.

"You made it special," Willow pressed her lips against Tara's. "I love you so much, baby."

"I love you too, sweetie," Tara returned the kiss. "I even love you more than kittens."
[hr]

Used songlyrics:
Al Jolson - Sittin' on top of the World
The Proclaimers - 500 miles
Nick Kershaw - The Riddle
Tom Jones - Till
Guest Starring Tom Jones as Himself
(Used without permission. Don't sue, Tom, it's all meant in good fun and for the sake of true W/T love:D)

And dear Kittens, please forgive me for using a famous person in one of my stories for the sake of humor. But, hey, at least is wasn't Orlando Bloom.

_________________
Max : Do you mind if I drive?
Sam : Not if you mind me clawing at the dashboard and shrieking like a cheerleader.

Hehe, am trying to imagine Tara with Jessica Simpson's voice... I think I might be going blind.. or uhm, deaf.
Balthazar? Limbo? I wish I'd have had a spycam
Your version of 500 miles totally cracked me up. Great update!
ETA: Tom Jones should feel sooo honoured to have a cameo in a WT fic!

_________________
"I don't get your crazy system!"
"System? It's called the alphabet!"

Oh, that is by far the funniest thing I have read in a very long time. Kudos to you, U_O! We all grovel at your feet.

This has got to be the funniest, and most fun to read, series I've read in a long time.

Vampire Willow and Vampire Tara appeal to the dark side of my nature, what can I say?

(And thanks for letting Tom Jones escape. I have a soft spot for the Big Guy. Wayne Newton...now he's fair game.)

Looking forward to the next installment!

_________________
Love is an angel, disguised as lust
Here in our bed until the morning comes
-- Patti Smith, "Because The Night (Belongs to Lovers)"

I love this story! Vampire Willow and Tara are so deliciously evil. They also have a very loving relationship - in a very sick and twisted way, but it is so funny.

I'd be more than happy to read any other Vampire Willow and Tara story's if you want to carry on writing them.

Caz

_________________
"Gosh, look at those!" Willow - Doppelgangland

"I'm a bloodsucking fiend! Look at my outfit!" Willow - Doppelgangland

UO,
A Bloodparty, I love this country!
Vamp Willow and Tara can hit me over the head with a shovel like I was Hedley Lamarr any day.
I love the catty selection process for choosing the party favours;after all, even if you're a blood-sucking sociopathic fiend, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be concerned about cholesterol and trans fats.
Oh my stars and garters, Willow clad in the black leathery goodness of the Batgirl costume.
It's nearly the Fourth of July so I am saluting Tara in her Star Spangled Bikini the best way I know how, look ma no hands.
As I can attest from meeting him at MR 2006 this year, Clem adds a touch of class and levity to any gathering be it demon or mortal.
The musical pieces selected by the participants for the karaoke/song slam were inspired and a particular shout-out to Spike for his variation on the one hit wonder known as the Proclaimers as Sunshine shone on Leith for that hit song and then their careers faded into shadow.
What more of a grand and noble gesture could any gal ask for than to kidnap a genuine Las Vegas celebrity and force him at fangpoint to serenade your wife?
Yay for Tom Jones making it out alive as well.

_________________
I can deny chicks in chainmail nothing.
Amberhol-from the land of sky blue waters.
No Mere Music Hall, This my novel available directly from rosestindog@gmail.com.

Damn it, I wish I could draw - I'd totally have a wallpaper in the works of Tara in her star-spangled bikini standing heroically in the middle of the Strip with a shovel slung over her shoulder, and Willow curled around her legs. It's probably best not to think about, but I'd probably fall victim to the Shovel of Tara - probably not too much cholesterol, not scrawny, definitely not a hooker, no garlic (mostly - occasionally garlic bread with pizza), and very easily lure-able by Tara in a starry bikini. Oh well.

Very funny, all the guests, the Master in a Groucho Marx disguise, Dru loopy as always (she works surprisingly well as Tara's 'mommy' - same serene, elegant quality, just skewed in different directions), Angel ever the target of Spike's infantile pranks. I was wondering whether Tom Jones would make it out of there alive - obviously he'd still be around, because what would we do without Tom Jones, but it did seem for a while that, at best, we'd end up with Vampire Tom Jones, which is a strange prospect.

There's something sweet - skewed, but sweet - about the whole idea of soulless love Personally (veering off into seriousness) I never bought the whole 'you die, a demon inhabits your body' line - it's too obviously disproven by the fact that vampires always behave according to their pre-vamp personalities, but now under the influence of their new vampiric natures. I figured that the 'soul' being lost is equivalent to innate social characteristics - the instinct to act like a human (gather in tribes, follow reproductive urges, all that) - so a vampire is essentially a human with a reprogrammed set of instincts: they regard humans as prey rather than competition, but they're still clearly social beings (they hang out together a lot), so there's obviously the potential for relationships and love, just as there is with humans. It just involves a lot more collateral damage this way

_________________
Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass - Every world needs a Willow and Tara.

Stop. Right there. You're killin' me with the head-movies.



You ain't kiddin'. Not to mention, the man's got bucks...



A friend of mine once opined about Jossverse vampires, that what separates Major Badass Vamps (Angelus, Spike, Drusilla, Wishverse-Willow) from your garden-variety fanger was repression. The more repressed the human personality, the more powerful and vicious the vampire. It's not a function of "age" (i.e. how long ago the human was turned into the vampire); as we saw in "Dopplegangland" VampWIllow was kicking some vampire ass, and she was no more than a couple of years "old".

Anyway, sorry to digress...we now return you to your regularly-scheduled adulation...

_________________
Love is an angel, disguised as lust
Here in our bed until the morning comes
-- Patti Smith, "Because The Night (Belongs to Lovers)"

G'day UO! Where do I report for my wrist slapping? No, I'm not into bondage, but I should have left feedback for this yonks ago. After all, how can you go wrong when you combine your sense of humor with psychotic violence?!

Everything about this was a hoot, from the girls' 'shopping trip' and their selection process, the guest list and their costumes (especially the idea of Spike as Steve Irwin ), the betting pool and most of all, Tom Jones.

Bloody fantastic, mate!

Cheers,
Paul.

_________________
That’s right: In order to make this event LESS popular, the female activists take off their tops and jog in front of onlookers. - Scott Adams, regarding the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona.

OMG, has it really been june since the last update? I'm so sorry I didn't reply to your comments sooner. I hope to make up for it with the next update to this story, though.

willowrulez - Amber Benson vs Jessica Simpson. No contest whatsoever. Amber is smarter (duh), cuter, more beautiful, more talented, has more personality and is a lot sexier. Oh, and a better singer too.

I don't think anyone would be ready to see Balthazar limbo'ing. Glad you liked the song, though. And Tom, well, he plays the part well.

highlandlass25 - Glad the story made you laugh. It means I've done my job. Thank you.

Captain - Thank you very much. I have to be in a very special mood to be able to write this series, but when I am, I have a lot of a fun writing these.

Vamp Wills and Tara are cute in very twisted way. Sure, they're maniacal killers, but they are deeply in true love.

Of course I had to have Tom Jones escape. Big fan of the guy myself.

caz - I love writing about maniacs and psychotic (or simply gentle, but plain nuts) characters. Sure, they're evil, but they're also in love. People who say that evil persons can't love don't know what they're talking about.

Sure, I'd love to write more stories about vamp Wills and vamp Tara. Got one ready for you right now! Will be posted in a couple of seconds!

Taralicious - Exactly. Will and Tara have to be picky about their party-favors. After all, there are guests coming around and they can't leave a bad impression by offering them substandard blood.

Wills and Tara did pick saucy costumes. And Clem has always been the highlight of the last two seasons. Best new character to be introduced.

I just thought having the demons do karaoke was a funny thing to do. It was insane on Angel, that's for sure. Tara did something special for Willow that was very cute, I think. And, of course, I had to have Tom escape alive.

Chris - *drool* at that idea of a drawing. I do wish you could/would create a wallpaper like that. Wow... And yeah, I'd fall victim to the shovel as well.

For the bloodparty itself, I had something in mind that was akin to an obscure horror-film called The Monster Club, starring the inimitable Vincent Price. Though it ended up being a lot more twisted than in the film.

I've given your next point a lot of thought (even though I'm very late with my reply), but I think (and I referenced this in the next part), that it is not so much the soul that is removed. Since I personally don't believe in the existance of a soul as it described in most religious systems, or on the show for that matter. I think that no so much the soul is removed from the body, or even that a demon sets up shop in their noggins. It's more like you say, a reprogamming of the personality to a small degree, and the stripping away of many personal and moral inhibitions.

Like you say, vampires generally act as they were in life. So who's to say that if you become a vamp, that vampire is no longer you but a demon? If you ask me, that would be a bit of convenient propaganda for the Watcher's Council. "Oh, yes, you can kill them. They're no longer your friend/wife/family/loved one, because a demon is in control and is using their memories". I don't think it'd be that simple.

Take Willow and Vamp Willow for example. Willow is a very inhibited person, especially in season 1 and 2. She limits herself a lot, sadly. And we already know that Willow does have a dark side. Vamp Willow is that dark side unleashed. Vamp Willow is Willow without the moral baggage and without the inhibitions. Yet both are Willow. They are two sides of the same coin. And so if Willow can love, why can't Vamp Willow?

Captain-again

You've certainly got a good point about the repression. Like I told Chris, Vamp Willow is basically Willow unleashed. They're both different and the same. I don't know if the repression makes them more powerful, but it does make them more vicious and dangerous. Just look at Spike and Willow.

Paul - Hey, Paul. Don't worry about being late. I've got a talent for that as well. :(

Heheheh, thanks for the compliment. I do enjoy writing these stories.

Spike as Steve Irwin, yeah, I liked that idea. It was a real shame to hear of his death a month or so back. He was a true conservationist and he'll be missed.

Glad you liked the story!

_________________
Max : Do you mind if I drive?
Sam : Not if you mind me clawing at the dashboard and shrieking like a cheerleader.

Hi, fellow kittens!

The marriage chapter for Reaper is getting along quite well, and I'm hoping to have something to post at the end of the week or perhaps sooner. But in the meantime, I have another Vegas chapter for you.

Title - VIVA LAS VEGAS!! : 4 - Pillow talk.

Author name - Useful_Oxymoron

Email Address - Viernadevir@hotmail.com

Rating - R-rating. Includes two psychotic and violent female vampires, so expect dark humor and violent imagery. Very twisted stuff, but funny. At least, I think it's tongue-in-cheek funny. Then again, I'm nuts. This one is a little more twisted that usual, I think. But there's plenty of romance too. And this time, dare I say it, it's fluffy. Oh, and there's some foul language in this one as well, but that's all Scarface-related.

Disclaimer - Well, I don't own vampire Willow or vampire Tara. And if I did... do you really think I could control these two?! I'd fear for my life. Anyone who wants them can have them! I'll even throw in a set of whips.

Feedback- Is cool. It's always nice to know somebody liked the crap I write.

Summary- A follow-up to the previous part Viva Las Vegas, which takes place in the Wishverse. This one depicts a night in the life of two very dangerous female vampires

Notes- Influences for this story: ZZ-Top - Viva las vegas. Motor Head - Ace of Spades. Watching Vic Fontaine on Deep Space Nine. For this one, a little bit of Scarface.

[hr]
Viva Las Vegas: Pillow talk

This night began like so many others for Willow and Tara: scouring the town for victims. And it hadn't taken them long to find some.

In a dark alley, they stood menacingly over a trembling college student. The frightened frat boy looked back and forth between his two drained frat-brothers and the two evil girls with vamped out faces that were taunting him.

For him, the night had started so promising. First there was a great kegger at the frathouse, then these two totally hot babes showed up. After a little partying, they said they wanted to go out driving in the fraternity's open-roof cadillac. He and two of his brothers agreed and spent some time speeding through town while downing more booze. And then the hot babes started kissing each other and making out and promised the boys some action if they would only park the car in that dark alleyway.

And action they got. Just not the kind of action the boys would have preferred.

The hot babes turned into blood-sucking freaks that bit and killed both Greg and Brad and then tied him up with the jumper cables from the trunk. He realized with dread that the two girls must have something special in mind for him. Right now the red haired wild one called Willow was rummaging through the trunk, while the cute blonde Tara -formerly cute blonde, now feral-mutant faced blonde - was menacing over him.

"I don't believe those frat boys still fall for the 'we lesbians wanna be cured'-routine," Tara told Willow. "I mean, they're in college, they're supposed to be smart."

"It's all the keggers," Willow replied while still looking through the trunk. "Burns off the brain-cells."

"You chugged down quite a few beers as well, Will," Tara smirked... and in a fangy face, that looked both cute and very, very scary at the same time.

"Well, that's different. I'm dead, so my braincells don't burn off. It's a supernatural thing," Willow smiled back. "Oh, hey, I found some pot in the back of the trunk here."

"Ah, man, our secret stash!" the frat boy exclaimed before realizing he'd do better to keep his mouth shut.

"Everything that was yours is ours now," Tara smiled back and took off her white cowboy hat.

Both the girls were wearing jeans, striped shirts and cowboy hats. "You know how we got those clothes?" Tara asked. "We stole them of a couple of Texan teenagers. Poor girls were so full of doubt, so they went on a cross country roadtrip to find the Lord."

"They found the Lord, alright," Willow chuckled. "Eventually..."

"They kept asking for Jesus to save them, but he never showed up," Tara shrugged.

"Ingrates," Willow shrugged. "We helped them get into heaven early and they cursed us for it."

"Yeah, after all we did for them, they were so ungrateful," Tara added.

"Hey, check this out," Willow called over and lifted a silver-colored Desert Eagle from the trunk. "You feel lucky, punk?"

Tara shook her head in disdain. "What do you want with that? It's nothing but a shiny penis extender."

"B-b-brad. It's B-brads. His parents are NRA."

"Funny," Willow smirked. "A few years ago in Sunnydale, my parents were DOA."

"Oh, hey," Tara called out. "There's a convenience store over there. We, um, do need some things."

"How convenient," Willow said while lifting the fratboy with one hand and tossing him into the trunk.

---

And so, five frightened people ended up sitting in a row next to the sodamachine, while Willow held the shiny penis extender under the clerk's nose. Tara, in the meantime, was doing some shopping.

"Found it," Tara sing-songed when she proudly presented her groceries.

The baffled clerk looked at the groceries, then back at the cowgirls. "Uh, that's it? You're pushing over this store for a packet of batteries and some gum?"

"My wife needs new batteries for her, uhm, MP3-player," Tara replied, while Willow rolled her eyes at the obvious lie. "And I like minty-flavored gum."

"A set of 'D' batteries for an MP3-player?"

Tara bit her lip. "Uhm, it's an old one... one of the first ones... you know, from the eighties."

"Rrrright," Willow smirked.

"What kind of robbers are you?" the spotty clerk replied. "You don't even want money?"

Tara and Willow exchanged a look. "Good idea," Willow replied. "Open the cash-register. And put the money in a brown paper bag. Unmarked. Oh, and give us some beer while you're at it. Oh, and we want some toy for our kitty. Oh, and some adult DVD's and they'd better be All Girl only, if you know what's good for you!"

Willow then noticed a big roll of 'scratch 'n win' lottery-tickets over the counter. She quickly handed the shiny penis extender to Tara.

"What?!" Tara protested. "I don't need that thing!"

"Take it!" Willow replied. "I can't scratch and shoot people at the same time."

Tara took the shiny penis extender under protest while Willow started scratching across the roll of lottery-tickets with a quarter. But as soon as Tara's hand touched the shiny penis extender, a transformation fell over her. She got a wild look in her eyes, and the barrel of the shiny penis extender was soon pointed at the five people cowering next to the soda machine.

"You wanna play with me? You wanna play rough?! Okay, I play with you! Say hello to my little friend!" Tara pointed the shiny penis extender from victim to victim. "I'm Tara fuckin' Montana, you wanna piece of me? I kill a communist for fun, but for a green card, I gonna carve him up real nice. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. You what a chazzer is? That's a pig... that don't fly straight. I'm Tony Maclay! You fuck with me, you fuckin' with the best!"

When Tara broke out of her Scarface-induced stupour, she found Willow snickering at her. "Oh, baby," Willow shook her head.

"What?"

"You called yourself 'Tony'."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"No. I didn't."

"Yes... you DID."

"Didn't!"

"Did!"

"DIDN'T!"

"DID!" Willow retorted. "And you called yourself Tara Montana."

Tara pouted for a bit and remained silent. "S-shut up," she finally retorted meekly and tossed the shiny penis extender back to Willow.

"Oh, hey. HEY!" Willow exclaimed as she handed a ticket back to the clerk. "I just won 500 bucks! Fork over the dough, please!"

"Uh," the nervous clerk looked at the register. "You, uhm, already cleared out all the cash."

Willow crossed her arms and tapped her toes. "Now, that's not really my problem, is it?"

The clerk sighed and took out his wallet. "Uhm, I've only got twenty bucks?"

"Oh, this is outrageous!" Willow took the money and stuffed it down her shirt. "I demand to speak to the manager!"

"Uuuhhhh," the clerk swallowed and pointed at the dead body lying next to him. The dead body of the manager with two sets of bitemarks on his neck staring back at him with lifeless eyes.

"Oh, alright," Willow snarled before snatching two rolls of tickets. "But I'm taking these!"

"Okay, we're done here!" Tara said while she and her wife headed towards the door. "Say goodnight to the bad guy!"

---

Willow and Tara headed back to their home and parked their new car in the garage. Tomorrow they would bring it to Tommy's Chop Shop to have it resprayed, re-plated and generally fumigated to get the fratboy-smell out. They had already decided that the new color would be a deep bloody red.

For Willow and Tara, it was a quick trip to the bedroom, as the sun was already rising. After making sure the thick curtains were in place, Willow was happy to take off the cowgirl outfit. Tara was already under the duvet, sneaking a peek at the undressing Willow.

"Hm, nice view, sweetie," Tara chuckled.

"Got plans for you, baby," Willow grinned and crawled underneath the duvet from the footend of the bed. She slid up and up and up until she lay on top of the giggling Tara, who suddenly found a cowgirl-hat put on top of her head.

"You," Willow sang softly. "You can leave your hat on..." She kept on humming the song for a moment.

"Hmmm, sweetie," Tara purred when she felt Willow's lips tracing down her neck. "Uh, Willow?"

Willow teased Tara's skin with the tips of her fangs ever so slightly. A deep, lustful growl escaped from the depth of her lungs.

"Willow?"

Willow continued her erotic assault on Tara's body, letting her soft hair spill on Tara's chest. Willow grinned when she felt her wife shudder and upped the stake by slowly blowing a breath across Tara's belly.

"WILLOW!" Tara shouted angrily, finally breaking her wife out of the moment.

"What is it, sheesh?" Willow pouted. "I'm trying be romantic here."

"What's he doing here?" Tara said, and pointed at the gagged fratboy that lay chained on a pole in the middle of the room, all the while making sure her body was covered up by the duvet.

"Huh?" Willow frowned. "Oh, that! Just some cruel and unusual psychological torture. You know, showing the little virgin what he can never have before we kill him tomorrow?"

The fratboy made an indignant response, almost unintelligible through the gag. However, it was obvious that he was saying 'I am not a virgin!'.

"Oh, please, I can smell your virginity from here," Willow scoffed.

Tara pouted. "I don't want him looking at us, sweetie. Us making love... that's something that's just for us. Can you, just... I can't concentrate on you if he's looking..."

"Yeah," Willow gently caressed Tara's cheek. "It was a stupid idea anyway, baby."

Willow stepped from the bed, removed the boy from the pole and unceremoniously threw him into the closet. After closing the door, Willow returned to the queen-sized bed and the Tara whom she loved more than anything in her unlife.

---

Much later, when the sun was well on its way into the day, the two exhausted girls lay in each other's arms, snugly underneath the duvet. Tara held her wife tightly, and ever so often gently licked at the bitemark on Willow's neck from which she had drunk her lover's blood in the very heat of the passion they had shared.

"Hmm," Willow stirred and smiled gently. "That was wonderful. I love you so much, baby."

"Hm, love you too, sweetie," Tara whispered softly. "Hey, I've been thinking. Do you think that, if we were still human, we could be as much in love as we are now?"

"Dunno, baby," Willow replied after treating her love to a brief kiss. "Maybe we would never have even met. We weren't the type of people to get out much when we were still alive."

"You met your other self in that other world," Tara said. "Did she seem?"

"Oh, please, Fuzzy was practically radiating gayness. She and her friends are completely clueless to've missed it," Willow snorted. "But, yeah, she only needs to see you... the other you... and she'll be lost, I think. I fell for you the moment I saw you walking home all alone in the darkness. Hard..."

"When mommy Dru took me, and when I first met you, I... wanted to be with you. More than anything in the world."

"I know," Willow blushed slightly. "I begged auntie Dru to give you to me. And she did..."

"And I became yours forever."

"We'll always be together, baby," Willow kissed her lover. "You and me against the world. Against everybody."

"Hm, I like that," Tara replied while snuggling up a little closer.

At that moment a loud banging sounded from the closet.

"HEY!" shouted Willow. "We're having a tender moment here! Shut up a minute or I'll come down there to tear your guts out and string you up from your colon!"

"Hmm," Tara grinned. "I love it when you talk visceral."

The banging stopped abruptly.

"I don't like thinking of my previous life. I enjoy my unlife to much," Tara replied. "Who I was... it's in the past."

"Tara," Willow ran her fingers through Tara's long honeyblonde hair. "Don't say that. Even when you were still alive, you were the strongest person I had ever met. Not like me. Not at all like me. What I was... pathetic, a nothing, a nobody. Someone for whom book reports were the meaning of life. The joke of the school, the one almost everybody picked on. Ignored. And I just let it all happen to me," Willow looked away from Tara. "Until that day when Xander came to me in the night and made me an offer to make it all better. Taking that offer was the only good thing I ever did when I was still alive. And now nobody will ever ignore me ever again."

Willow looked away from Tara and rolled on her side. Tara hugged her from behind and tried to comfort her wife. Oh, she knew Willow enjoyed acting tough, but from the tear running over her lover's cheek, Tara knew that there were still wounds within Willow that weren't fixed when she had lost her soul and was reborn into undeath. Some things ran too deep, even for such a drastic change.

Miss Kitty Ferocio mewed as she jumped on top of the bed and curled up next to Willow, apparently sensing her mistress' distress.

"I hope for her sake that Fuzzy Me finds herself," Willow sighed. "Before it's too late."

"Do you think our souls are in heaven?" Tara said.

Willow rolled around in bed to face Tara. Miss Kitty, not one for wanting to be left out, jumped on top of Willow's hip and finally nestled herself snugly between Willow and Tara's bellies, purring slightly.

"What are you talking about?" Willow replied.

"I dunno," Tara shrugged. "Just thinking I guess."

"I don't believe souls exist," Willow shrugged. "I think it's just something that the White Hats made up so they can feel superior. I think when we become vampires, all that happens to us is that our inhibitions are stripped away, but the rest of us is still the same. Just no more moral baggage."

"You were always the cynical one," Tara rubbed Willow's cheek with the tips of her fingers.

"But to answer your question," Willow propped herself up a little. "I think we are together. On every world out there, in every form, in every dimension. There's a Willow and Tara everywhere, and they're always in love and happy together. So, how's that for cynical, huh?"

"Love you," Tara purred. "Sleepy."

"Sleep now," Willow yawned. "We've got two giant rolls of lottery tickets to scratch tomorrow."

---

Finally, the fratboy had managed to get the closet open. Before he could stop himself, he felt on the ground with a thud, while his shackles rattled loudly. Being bound with both hands and feet were difficult but he managed to crawl away from the closet. Burning with fear, the fratboy looked over at the bed where the two bloodsucking girls lay. Lucky for him, he saw that the embracing girls were still asleep.

By now, the not-so-smart formerly horny fratboy had figured out that his captors were vampires. And when he saw a small stripe of sunlight creeping through the thick curtains, he was filled with hope. With desperation, he slowly crawled towards the curtains, trying to keep the chains from making too much noise. If he could only open the curtains, just a little, the vampires would be incinerated, and he would be able to call for help.

Ever closer he crept to the window, until... a cat jumped in front of him. He tried to shoo the beast, but found that he was still gagged. The cat hissed loudly before heading back to the bed. The fratboy knew the end van neigh, so he moved as fast as he could towards the curtain. He was almost there until...

"MOTHERF..." he heard the red-headed one shout. Before he could reach the curtains, the chains that kept him bound were yanked hard. Freedom had been in his grasp, but he was dragged further and further away from it.

The next thing he knew, he was violently thrown down the staircase and landed with a scream on the marble floor of the lobby. Oddly enough, he saw two feet in front of him. He looked up, and saw his saviour. A tall, african-american cop in a highway-patrol uniform stood over him... he had never been happier to see a shiny badge and exclaimed a muffled.

Behind him the two vampires, now wearing bathrobes, ran down the stairs.

"Well, well, well," said the cop. "What's all this, then?"

"Hi officer Tenpenny," both girls greeted.

The fratboy was confused.

"You girls been playing with your food again?" grinned Tenpenny.

"Hey, don't we always?" Willow replied.

"I hope you don't mind me letting myself in. I figured you were up already," Tenpenny replied. "I just came around for the monthly fee."

Tara walked to a small cupboard next to the staircase and fished out a plain brown envelope. "Here," she said, and handed it to Tenpenny. "It's all there. All ten thousand. Wanna count it?"

"No thank you, Tara," Tenpenny replied and slid the envelope into his pocket. "I trust you."

"What'll be the official statement on the convenience store robbery last night?" Willow asked. "Gangs on PCP?"

"Hey, the people love to read about that in the papers," Tenpenny said. "Makes them feel good about their own pathetic little lives. Oh, and there's something else. A teen gang has been making trouble on the outskirts of town. It'd be nice if you'd be able to take care of that problem for us. It'd be in your best interest as well. Gang-activity makes people stay inside at night. And since their turf is in your feeding grounds, well... Need I go on?"

"Lemme guess," Willow grinned. "After we play with the gang, you roll in and take the credit for our kill?"

"And get a nice little bonus for me and my men," Tenpenny smiled. "I'm glad we understand each other. I'll even wave your fee for the next two months if you do this for us."

"We'll look into it for you," Tara promised.

Tenpenny smiled and then looked down to address the fratboy. "Well, I'd say you've got a bit of a problem here, son. Ladies, it's been a pleasure. I'll see you again, next month."

The fratboy watched Tenpenny turn around and walk off. His muffled screams for him to come back fell upon deaf ears. He once again held his tongue when he found the two grinning vampires kneeling down next to him.

"You see," Willow grinned like a shark. "A bent cop is a vampire's best friend."

"For a small fee of ten thousand a month, that nice officer Tenpenny and his friends of the Las Vegas police department intimidate witnesses, make evidence disappear, twist the truth around for the press and hide our tracks for us," Tara said. "And with five master vampires in town, he makes quite a bit of money."

"Now," Willow sing-songed, took two machetes from the cupboard and handed one to Tara. "Miss Kitty is very hungry."

"And we're all out of catfood," Tara said as the two girls vamped out and slowly approached the gagged, yet screaming fratboy.

"Say?" Tara said as she raised her machete. "Doesn't officer Tenpenny sound a lot like Samuel L. Jackson?"

"Nah," Willow said while she did the same. "Laurence Fishburne."

"Are you sure?"

"Play now?" Willow stressed.

"Play now!" Tara agreed.

---

Outside, in the driveway, officer Tenpenny was heading back to his squadcar when he heard muffled screams which ended as abruptly as they had started.

"Ah," he smiled to himself. "Now that's some true love there, man."
[hr]

As an extra gift, here isa picture of Amber in Tony Montana-style sunglasses. Rrrroowwwlll.

Note 1 : Tenpenny is based on (read: stolen), from GTA San Andreas and, btw, is voiced by Samuel L. Jackson.

Note 2 : For the record, I think that geeky season 1-2 Willow was incredibly cute, cool even. A Geek Goddess. But I think it's logical for a psychotic, evil and powerful vampiress to look back upon this kind of past with a manner of disdain. It's quite sad, I think.

_________________
Max : Do you mind if I drive?
Sam : Not if you mind me clawing at the dashboard and shrieking like a cheerleader.

Aww shucks you know I love everything you write and can,t wait for the wedding but this story is wild and crazy just like i like them hehe

You wouldn't think that two psychotic vampires could be romantic, but you've proven us wrong yet again! I really love this series, and look forward to any other updates for this or "Reaper" in the near-ish future.

Thanks!

UO,
Who's to say that just because they are bloodthirsty genocidal vampires, Willow and Tara can't feel love and devtion to one another?
They clearly feel the need to make grand romantic gestures to one another and show their tender and caring side when they are alone together.
There are certain constants which will always be at play no matter what the setting and one of them is the reliable drunken frat-boy's delusional belief in the "lesbians can be cured" fallacy.

This is the best paragraph in this update and puts me in mind of Rowdy Roddy Piper's delivery of the line "I came here to chew bubble gum and kick some ass and I'm all out of bubble gum." from "They Live."

_________________
I can deny chicks in chainmail nothing.
Amberhol-from the land of sky blue waters.
No Mere Music Hall, This my novel available directly from rosestindog@gmail.com.