Title: Lamplight
Author: watson (hiddenwatson@yahoo.com)
Distribution: Please let me know me first
Rating: R
Disclaimer: BtVS characters, concepts and dialog belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others.
Summary: Contemporary AU. Where demons wear human faces. Two lives drifted apart, can they find their missing half?
Notes: Updates will be slow, but I wanted to post to see what the responses are like. Not going to use blackmail, don't have the seniority to do that, but it'll be nice to see the number in the "Replies" column steadily increasing.
Notes 2: This will be long and angsty. There may be some surprises along the way as well as changes in settings. Did I mention angsty? Cos, it's real, the angst.


Part 1

Fate. Destiny. The unshakable, inevitable necessity that even the gods cannot defy. No matter how long or how twisted a road may take, the outcome has already been preordained.

Of course, fate and destiny had different meanings for a fourteen year old and a twenty-four year old.

*****

The first time Sheila Rosenberg drove her daughter to senior high, when Willow started 9th grade, was also her last. It was too much of a bother, the slow crunch of tires across the tarmac, cars bumper to bumper, kids yelling and screaming and running out into the road. Her rising impatience and temper matched the commotion outside. All in the name of a perceived parental responsibility to personally bring their kids to school, when her research showed that most kids would prefer not to suffer the embarrassment of mixing school with home.

She paid for Willow's school bus fee immediately after dropping the fourteen year old off. Her only child was very capable and independent, and she convinced herself that Willow would prefer to travel to school by bus anyway.

She was not far wrong. Willow Rosenberg closed the door of her Mom's sedan after the short, silent journey from their house and even as she was waving her goodbyes Sheila's cellphone was already ringing. She sighed and made her way to class.

As she settled into her first class, she noted the same familiar faces. She nodded to Xander and Jesse, her best friends. Avoided the critical eye of Cordelia and Harmony, her mortal enemies. Then there were the new faces, in her neat mind she, perhaps unfairly, compartmentalized them into their potential cliques.

She barely noticed the seat next to her had been occupied, so intent was she on the other people around the classroom. She laid out her books, notebook and pencil case neatly on her desk and only became aware of her neighbor when one of her different colored pencils rolled onto the adjoining desk.

"Oh sorry," she apologized.

"T-t-that's okay," said her neighbor, a small, awkward girl whose shyness exuded from behind blonde hair falling over her eyes.

Willow picked up the offending pencil and put it back in its proper place.

"Hey, you're new. Just started here? " she asked.

The other girl nodded.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"Oh, Tara," the girl said.

"Nice, Willow." she said, pointing to herself. "Do you know anyone here?"

Tara shook her head.

"No worries, I can show you round, is that okay? I mean, me showing you round?" Willow enthused.

Tara grinned.

And so began their friendship. Tara quickly integrated into the group that was Willow, Xander and Jesse, the nothing specials, outsiders usually ignored by the cliques and the athletes, occasionally derided by the cheerleaders. But happy in their little group. Xander and Jesse had their boys' thing with their model planes and burgeoning wonder at things to do with girls. Willow and Tara had their girls' own space, talking about everything and anything, normally while comfortably sprawled out in Willow's large bed in her large, empty house.

"You think we'll ever not be friends anymore? Cos if we do, it'll just be too sad," Willow said whimsically one day.

"Of course not. Even if we fight over something, we'll always make up, won't we. Promise?" Tara replied, with more emotion than she expected. A mood that quickly infected Willow too.

"Yes I promise. We'll have our tiffs but we'll always be friends, no matter what," Willow solemnly declared.

And in the true tradition of teenagers, they sealed their promise by blowing in their palms and shaking hands vigorously, a handshake that soon led to giggles and tickles.

They became known as the quirky twins, joined at the hips. They did everything together, spending most of their spare time in Willow's room.

Tara's father was in the army and traveled around the world. She hardly ever saw him, perhaps once a year, briefly for half a day, when he took her for milkshakes and burgers. He left her with his wife's cousin, who agreed to take in the shy wisp of a girl when Tara's mother died.

That was nearly 6 years ago.

Her aunt (they tried to figure out the exact relationship, but gave up, Tara always thought of the kind lady as her aunt) tried to raise young Tara as one of her own, they were not well off so all the children lived in the same room and clothes were firmly of the hand-me-down, thrift store, variety. Tara never felt she was treated badly, but somehow she found no common interests with her cousins and tended to be quiet as a mouse at home.

When Willow visited the small cramped apartment for the first time, walking up the narrow dark staircase with the blinking fluorescent lighting and peeling wallpaper and gingerly knocking on the grease-covered front door, she had to try very hard to hide her discomfort.

Tara had very few personal possessions, just enough to fill a shoebox sitting snugly at the side of the one drawer allocated to her. The little space she called her own consisted of the small converted sewing table and stool by the window where she did her homework by the light of a tiny table lamp. She kept a few pots at the windowsill, a mint plant, a small cactus, which she took care of everyday.

The window overlooked a narrow alleyway, Willow felt she could almost reach out and touch the rusty railings of the fire escape. Everyday at 3pm the owner of the bakery opposite would bring out trays of freshly baked bread and Tara introduced Willow to the pleasure of enjoyment through smell. To the end of her days Willow would never forget the smell of fresh bread, in such great contrast with the smell of poverty that permeated that tiny apartment.

She said nothing like that to Tara of course, even at that age she was well aware of the difference in their family circumstances, though she did not feel she was necessarily the richer party.

"My aunt treats me well cos my Dad sends her money, I know that," Tara stated matter-of-factly.

"Someone's nice to someone else, there's always a reason," Willow agreed.

"Your mother loves you unconditionally though," Tara pointed out.

Willow smiled sadly, "That's because I do well at school and never cause trouble."

"So I should be thankful I have people who are nice to me, regardless of reason?" Tara argued.

"Of course, otherwise you end up thinking about people's motives for everything they do," Willow said.

"I like your family, it's how it should be, you live with your parents, not someone else's, in your own home. It's all so normal," Tara said after a while.

Willow was silent.

Later, when they were having ice cream at the mall, she asked Tara, "Why do you think I have so much pocket money?"

"I never thought about it, why?" Tara responded.

"My Mom gives me money whenever she goes away on one of her seminars, my Dad does the same. Sometimes they both give me money, and sometimes they forget they've already given me some, then they give me some more," Willow said.

"Most people would die to be so rich," Tara said flatly.

"Yeah, but when all you do is wander alone in your big house, communicating with your parents by way of notes on the fridge door or email or voicemail, all you want is to have a family meal together for once," Willow sighed.

"I'll be your family," Tara offered brightly.

"Really?" Willow asked with an equally big smile.

"Oh yes. We can get our own house when we graduate, with a big yard and cats and dogs and horses," Tara dreamed.

Willow blanched. "Horses?"

"Uh huh, horses that graze on the grass and we can go riding and — what?" Tara stopped at the her friend's horrified expression.

"I don't like horses, don't want to go near them, they bite arms," Willow pouted.

Tara laughed. "Okay, I'll take care of the horses. But you can have fish. You want fish?"

"Yeah, fish. Fish I'll accept, we can have a fish pond," Willow said.

"And, and we'll have our own big bedrooms and a big kitchen that always have flowers and a fireplace in the living room where we can toast marshmallows," Tara said.

"I'll invent a machine that does all the cooking and cleaning and dispenses candy and chocolate whenever we want," Willow continued.

"Don't think we want candy to be available so freely, not good for the children's teeth," Tara said sternly.

"Well I can build in some controls, like only so many per day and — whoa, where did children come from?" Willow did a double take.

"Huh? Oh, um," Tara frowned at her friend. "I don't know, hmmm, I was imagining the house and all of a sudden I saw young children running around. I have no idea."

"Oh well, may be they're our neighbor's kids? Or, your cousin's?" Willow explained.

"I don't know, t-t-they felt like they belong there. But, may be you're right ..." Tara agreed, though not altogether convinced.

Willow shrugged it off. Too deep for her young mind. "Can I have some of your ice cream?" she asked.

The young teens dug into each other's sundaes and the puzzling unknown thought was discarded.

The summer continued with more ice cream, swimming, music & movie nights and more hanging out, either just the two of them or with the boys.

Willow was as usual free with her money, often buying surprise gifts for Tara, or treating them both to mountains of ice cream. In turn Tara invited her for dinner with her aunt's family, simple meals of meatloaf, pumpkin mash and big bowls of buttered peas from Aunt Marie's garden.

Willow had never had anything so delicious.

*****

_________________
quiet thoughts

Whoo hoo! Look at me! First to reply! (Okay, so I'm easily amused and I need to get a life...I know this.)

I really like the beginning of your story, watson! I'm seeing potential for lots of things to happen here. This is going to be a long fic, right?

Hmmm...what am I predicting for this fic? Definitely angst. I don't know why. I just think it's gonna have to be there.

That little section can definitely serve as foreshadowing for some angsty waters ahead. Perhaps an involuntary separation (Tara having to move) followed years later by a blissful reunion? Maybe a misunderstanding that leads to a rift in the relationship (temporary unrequited love) followed years later by a blissful reunion? Or maybe I am just completely off base and I'm making shit up as I go along...that's probably the most likely option.

In any case, I'm truly looking forward to more. Common Areas is one of my favorite fics. If Lamplight is half the story, I know this will be on my favorites list too.

Can't wait for an update.

Carleen

_________________

Frivolous Views

I am so excited to see that you are posting this fic. I have read part of this story on another web site and was hoping that you would post it here soon since I liked what I read so far.

I love the beginning of this fic. Both Willow and Tara seem to have lonely home lives with Willow's parents never being around and with Tara feeling that she doesn't really fit in with her aunt's family. I can understand how they could become such close friends because of this.

This is a great start and I can't wait to read more.

I'm here to do my part upping the Replies so that we can see more of your work.

This is a wonderful and sweet start. You have captured very well the innocence and wonder of being 14. You give us a young Willow and Tara that I don't think I have seen before. Without a hellmouth and supernatural forces, these are just two lonely girls finding comfort in each other's friendship. You handle young Willow and Tara with a lot of care and tenderness. Well done.

Safuega

Watson,

It looks like a great beginning to yet another great fic. I am wondering if the story will pick up at beginning of the next school yr, or if it will be several years into the future.

I could speculate so much on what I think this fic will be about, but instead I will be patient and wait.

cooper

The cuteness of being 14 again... . So Tara sees children in their future... how odd . For some reason the description of Tara's appartment made feel sad for her, even though she could be happy there. At least she has some form of parent waiting for her at home.

I have no clue yet where this story is going so it's hard to comment on the storyline already .

It is a good thing Tara has friends at school early on, maybe it will make her less shy. Having more friends is a nice thing She also lost her mother earlier in this fic and she has a non-abusive father, which I also a Good Thing(tm) of course.

Hmm.. Tara's dad is paying her aunt to raise her right? So both Tara and Willow use money to sort of buy-off their parental duties to some extend.. We've come to expect this from Willow's parents, but it's kinda new for Tara's dad. Interesting.

I do hope that aunt at least likes Tara, every child deserves a loving home.

Grimmy

_________________
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it."
-- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

watson, nice start-you've established quite a lot in a fairly short (for you) update. i like the mix of innocence and nostalgia, looking forward to seeing where you take this~mary

watson,

i really enjoyed "common areas" but i only found it an update or two before you ended, so i'm sooo glad that you have another effort out here and that i'm catching it at the beginning. i love the dialogue between the fourteen year old willow and tara... it's so authentic and cute. yet there was still something heartbreaking about each of them. i'm glad they found each other so early. like everyone else though, i'm wondering what's going to happen to them. will they lose touch and find each other again at 24? what other angsty things could you have in store? i have a feeling it's going to be wrenching, and beautiful, and i can't tell you how much i'm looking forward to it.

thanks for sharing another great story with us.

brandy

_________________
"Threads that are golden don't break easily." - Tori Amos, "Horses"

Awww

Okay, I'm loving this fic, it's so sweet & cute and you've captured that simple, childish innocence so beautifully.

Willow & Tara dreaming about the house that they'll live in together was just wonderful, made me all nostalgic. There's already teeny hints that our girls are crushing on each other, but, they haven't quite figured it out just yet & I can't wait until they do figure it out.

Hmm, no Buffy? I assume she will be making an appearance at some point though?
From your summary & the little opening sentence, I'm thinking maybe we're gonna be jumping ahead in time? Maybe I'm wrong,

& I agree with GayNow that this...



did kinda feel like a foreshadowing of angst.

Well, wherever you take this story, I'm already hooked & looking forward to reading more.

Hugs
Jeanne

_________________

Awww...I'm definately in love with this fic so far. Little Willow and Tara are so cute! It's going to be interesting to see how their relationship progresses past that whole 'best friends' phase. Please continue!

_________________
Heaven's not a place you go when you die. It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive.

No prenatural abilities, super-hero, or demons... I can dig it.

I like what you've set up thus far with the girls at a young age. It leaves plenty of room to develop. Please let this be an antagonizingly slow love story? My heart needs a good wrenching.

I give you my stamp of approval to continue.

That was an interesting start to the story. I'm definitely keen to see where you go with it.

The conversation about getting a house together was fun and suggests that they know, at least on a subconsious level, especially Tara saying about haing children.

Which makes me wonder if either Willow or Tara know that they're gay.

_________________
02/28/2007

I think I've visited Tara's aunt's apartment - Lewiston, Maine circa 1996; complete with bread smell (and isn't that an awesome thing - good detail).

The house daydream is sweet, but I'll admit I'd find it a little saccharine if it wasn't for your preface. (Which is kinda hypocritical of me, as I would love to live in that house.)

I'm constantly amazed by how the fics here can take what is fundamentally the same beginning and ending and do so much with them in between. I look forward to watching as you add some complexity to the inevitable happy ending - it was a nifty trick to present the most idealized, simple version at the beginning.

- Boschi

Great start, watson. Young Willow and Young Tara are so cute, and their friendship is just lovely.

It sure feels like we'll be going to an angsty place with this one. I'm with terra21, hoping for an antagonizingly slow love story.

Can't wait to read more.

Yay, you started a new fic! Wow, to be that age again... kind of an anxious, exciting, and nauseated time. Oh wait, that was my first day of high school.
I love the "joined at the hip" comment. Friends are your entire life at that age. Tara's family life seems so sad, well actually they both have absent parents it seems. Lucky they have each other! Can't wait to see where you go with this.
-anna

Hey Watson!

You have a new fic up! Gotta say, lovin' it so far, or you know, Niiice... Sorry i'm in a weird kinda mood at the moment. heh. What can I say? I'm listening to 'You Get Me' by Michelle Branch and it has also contributed to this soppy, weird, hankering-for-a-good-love-story, I-really-need-to-go-to-sleep mood i'm in. *groans* Oh God... please stop me now!!

Anyway... the point is... i've forgotten the point actuallly...

NO WAIT!! YOUR NEW STORY! Got it. Ok. The point. Umm... OH!! I absolutely LOVED Common Areas. I wish I had a close friendship like this when I was fourteen. When I was fourteen me and my best friend swore that by the age of 20 we would both be happily in love with our incredibly hansome boyfriends and be the best of friends until the end of time. Uhuh. So not gonna happen. Beside the fact that she is onto her "i've lost count"th serious relationship in the past 3 yrs, and we barely even talk to each other unless we're both really have nothing else to do, *clears throat* I'M GAY!! *sigh* I told you to stop me.

Ok off of me now and onto constructive feedback... Their home lives are really heart wrenching, but I love that they have become one another's family. The whole thing was really sweet and aww worthy. The unconsious kids inclusion/slip up in their conversation was really cute too. Indication of things to come perhaps? Me hopes so!

Oh and I agree with the others, the promise of always being friends is, like, this huge freakin' sign for doom and gloom, or you know i'm completely wrong and should just shut the hell up. Feel free to tell me that at anytime. No really, it's ok. You're doing it right now aren't you? Have I mentioned i'm a little ? Anyway...

So... Looking forward to reading more soon. I'm totally jumping on the "antagonizingly slow love story" bandwagon. I'm sure you won't disappoint if your other stories are any indication to go by.


Candybabe

PS. Did that even count as constructive feedback, or was that just a whole big load of crap? Yeah I thought so. Crap. *sigh*

_________________
Candy xx

"There's nothing you can do or say, You're gonna break my heart anyway, So just leave the pieces when you go"
Leave the Pieces ~ The Wreckers

I like where I think you're going with this. I'm guessing Tara's already starting to figure it out, while Willow's a bit slower to catch on...

I can't wait to see them as roomies in college. They're going to be roomies, right? Because that could lead to a lot of fun and awkward sexual tension moments. Plus, convenient.

I'm probably jumping way way ahead here. Oh well. Update soon!

_________________
Don't you sit upon the shoreline and say you're satisfied, choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides - Garth Brooks, "the River"

Hey Watson,
I believe I've read this elsewhere (read that as your site). I liked it but then it turned so angsty. Ok, that sounds wrong. I like it even with the angst but I hope you're going to update it more now that you're posting it here. I should go check your site and see if I'm still up to date. Anyway, glad to see you posting more and more here.

Always your supporter,
JSI

_________________
Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

That's a wonderful start, watson. It's very sweet, but it's not syrupy. It's just...pure. And very true to what I imagine our girls were like at that age.

The contrast between their homelives is especially interesting when it's the supposedly-better-off Willow who's so desperately lonely and the supposedly-deprived Tara who's got someone fixin' buttered peas.

The whole thing just feels really authentic. Your writing is descriptive without being overly so.

I'm very much looking forward to seeing where this is going, watson.

_________________

Definitely interesting!
Children? Hahaha...if I ever say that to my best friend...I think she will be saying "ARE YOU CRAZY?!" Hahahaha...
Anyway, please do continue! I'm going to watch this story to see new updates!

photographer02

I love this fic I love the fact that they're starting out as good friends, its always better that way. Can't wait to see what happens next!

Jackie

What a great start. You already have me wanting more. I hope there will be angst. A good story always has angst. What kind of pace are going to set for Willow & Tara? I like when it starts off slow and builds. I can't wait to see what direction you take this story.


Christina

I really like the start of this. You have already created an interesting world for W/T to traverse. You do an excellent job taking the facets of the BtVS characters and adapting them to your fic-verse. Their features are accurate, yet their actions seem genuine. I think, even if I were not familiar with these characters, I would like your stories. In this story, as well as "The Amazing Kitten Race" and "Common Areas," you take the aspects of the characters and adapt them in a convincing and engrossing way. Without writing a character-by-character analysis, I hope you understand what I mean. Your stories retain the spirit of the individuals without strictly obeying canon.

Specific to the beginning of this story: the action is clear, and the opening really immerses the reader. You relate detail and background in an engaging way (read: not a Sunnydale High Library exposition party). Or... at least... this reader. Looking forward to more!

~Mary

I finally got here... thanks for letting me know to check this out, it's a great beginning. Willow and Tara as teenagers are adorable, but there's a bittersweet air hanging over the whole chapter, for me - a sense that the reality of the world is going to be colder and more difficult than they realise at this point. Certainly more than Willow does, maybe Tara as well - but you can't blame them for being young. I'm guessing something happens to separate them, such that it'll be a while before they see each other again, what with the warnings of angst, the mention of 14-year-olds and 24-year-olds - maybe prelude to a 10-year absence of one from the other's life? I hope the connection they've begun now, however tenuous it may become, will hold true in the end.

I also wanted to specifically mention the bit about the smell of fresh bread wafting in the window, for some reason that struck me as particularly powerful. It seemed like, in the middle of a world very plainly full of compromise, of things being 'good enough to get by' and little more, that having the smell of fresh, hot bread appear is kind of like a little bit of a better world, where things are good and right... I'm probably not explaining this very well

Anyway, I'm looking forward (in a worried, foreboding kind of way) to seeing where this goes.

_________________
Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass - Every world needs a Willow and Tara.

Speaking of things that might seem to be "little things," one really struck me - that Willow had to struggle to hide her discomfort when she first went to Tara's apartment. It struck me because that's such a normal reaction, yet it might seem...oh...maybe somewhat unflattering that Willow felt any discomfort at all. Of course she would, though. It makes perfect sense, even if we might like to believe that Willow wouldn't feel any discomfort coming into Tara's home because it is Tara's home and that's good enough. Does that make sense?

Anyway, it just made it all feel really real.

_________________

Oh! New story. Yay!

At first, I didn't know what to expect when I saw you starting with an almost season one feel with Xander, Willow, and Jesse, but you quickly squelched any concerns. I like the premise of exploring Willow and Tara as best friends from beginning of high school with the family distinctions being so prevalent. It reminds me a bit of my previous school experiences. I went to an elementary and a middle school that was in a rather poor area, whereas my family had moved out of that area. I had traveled a lot for someone my age whereas many of my classmates had not traveled beyond the immediate area or the state. I always felt kind of awkward discussing my trips and experiences when they asked what I was planning to do/had done over the summer. You've captured that feeling really well here. With Tara, you just want to take her out of there (even thought she seems to have a nice family) and place her somewhere nice with Willow somewhere in the future.

Okay. I think that I've babbled on long enough. I really am looking forward to see where you take this.

I rememberr being fourteen, I was a lump of rice, innocent, stupid, malleable and not very knowledgeable about anything. My life at 14 consisted of studying, studying, more studying, occasionally playing basketball. I was still watching Sesame Street, my favorite books were Enid Blynton and Alfred Hitchcock's Three Investigators (yeah, don't start). I had no idea how and what love / relationships and all that stuff were, I certainly couldn't understand it or picture myself taking an active part. I think kids nowadays, and I think the younger Kittens here can confirm, are much more in tune with "adult" stuff like that.

Anyway I digress. I edited the top of Part 1 to emphasize that this story will be angsty. Yes, full of angst, like I know how to write anything else. Those of you who have been to hidden doors will know this already; those of you who haven't, it's gonna be an angsty ride. Oh, and long too. The first few parts are just backstory, the real meat of the tale isn't remotely close to arriving on the scene yet.

Onto individual replies, and may I say how I thank all readers for your replies, keep it up!


Yay, Oh Blessed Carleen the Ever-Present on the Board, yay for being first! Yes, this will be a long fic, I haven't even gotten to the main story yet.

I'm sensing a theme there, could it be that you want a blissful reunion? Not sayin' nuthin', no ma'am.

Actually in terms of length, it'll be like several times, did I mention this is gonna be a long fic? Anyway, thanks as ever for the support and everything else . BTW, I can't get on the board anymore at work, just got banned, me and my big mouth, bragging about it in chat. Now, about that new fic challenge ...

~~~~~


I think Willow put it rightly, when she thought that though her family was the more prosperous money-wise, she wasn't sure if she was the richer family. It doesn't happen as much as we'd like in real life, of 2 people from different family backgrounds can overcome this, but with W/T I'm working towards it. Thanks . And by the way, thanks for visiting my website.

~~~~~


We have seen some of Willow's teenage life, at the beginning of S1, but it was never explored in depth. Tara's high school life we have nothing, but from her family's brief appearance in Family, I do feel that she doesn't come from a warm or well-off family. I've read many many fics with W/T in high school, but alas the authors have decided to focus on just the high school aspect, or the hellmouth goings-on, we don't see much of the scooby gang's home life apart from the Summers' and even then I don't feel like I know say what Joyce's ambitions for her daughters are. Anyway I'm rambling, I'm glad you're liking this and W/T are precious to me so I promise to treat them carefully, though I will put them through the wringer a bit later on. Have faith?

~~~~~


Both of these scenarios will happen sometime in this story, just when ... well, you'll know soon, but right now I'm keeping tight-lipped thanks for reading.

~~~~~


I never intend for either of them to have the type of magic power they have in the show, this is a real life AU fic after all. But I think we're all quite familiar with Tara's empathetic side, that sometimes even us mere mortals can sense a little of what the future looks for us. The children aren't necessary part of their future, but they could be, or they could just be Tara's subconsious wishful thinking. I've tried to leave it deliberately vague, the only purpose is to show that somewhere at the depths of their minds, they have a happy home, and there is a future, but the images are too complicated and I doubt that will ever resurface again in Tara's mind.

I guess Tara's Dad is paying Auntie, I guess to his mind it's more like contributing to her expenses. The kind Auntie treats Tara well, but she's not her own daughter, so there might be some underlying discomfort there, hence Tara's shyness at home. You're right though, both Tara's and Willow's parent(s) are substituting money for family love, and that's the real shame here.

~~~~~


Thanks. It's hard to write atmosphere, and that's what I was trying to do. It is a short-ish update, but is actually the type of length (1000-2000 words) that I feel more comfortable writing. Writing 6000+ words for a Race recap then 1500+ for the Extra is something new for me. Thanks for dropping by .

~~~~~


brandy, thanks for your feedback. Angst, yes that's my mantra on this fic. They have each other, and thank god for that, but underneath that, they don't have the best of home lives and I'm going to explore that a little in the next few parts.

not telling just yet, hee.

~~~~~


Hey Jeanne , no, not just yet and not for a while. But eventually, eventually.

Righty-ho, one Buffy right up, next post.

~~~~~


The question is, will they? Get past the "best friends" phase? Or they are forever stuck in the "Yearning for each other but too afraid to move past the best friends" phase? Now you know I'm just playing with you, right? Then again ... may be not I'm so not saying!

~~~~~


And Tara being taken prisoner by a clearly Soul-less Vamp Willow is not heart and gut-wrenching??? You're one to say ! Seriously, yes this wil l be slooooow and angsty and did I say angsty? Romance, too, eventually.

why thank you! I so needed that (not) .

~~~~~


yes! yes! yes! You've hit it RIGHT ON THE HEAD. Willow has money coming out of her ears but nobody to share with, Tara has none but her Aunt has provided some degree of home comfort, even though she is no substitute for a real mother.

~~~~~


At this stage, I'd say no. It's been a while since I was 14, and kids nowadays grow up so much faster than us when we were that age, but I don't think they've begun to consciously think about matters of the heart yet. If pushed I'd say they would recite the 'accepted' conveyor belt version - get married to some guy, have kids, watch the kids grow up. Don't think it's occured to them that it is possible for them to be more than just best friends. Thanks for dropping by .

~~~~~

_________________
quiet thoughts

Part 2 of Replies.


Phew! Definitely not going for saccharine, not in this fic. It is conceivable for a young Willow and a young Tara to think about their future in these sugary terms though, I'm glad you didn't find it too much.

I think you've captured perfectly why this is such a great community and why personally I can't imagine how my life was like before I started coming here. We should have this for our motto on DCP !

~~~~~


Ask and you will receive , angst, check; slow, check; love story, check. We're all set. Thanks for reading.

~~~~~


You know, that is so true! I'm much older than 14, and I don't mind spending whole days, weekends, even weeks, on my own at home, just pottering around, reading, doing housework, surfing the net etc. I don't feel lonely or the need for contact with people. But at 14, it's not like that, friends are so important, to build confidence, for companionship, a 14 year old is simply not mature enough, or cynical enough, to, in the words of Garbo, "want to be alone".

~~~~~


If you asked the Willow and Tara here, that'll be exactly what they'll answer -- having handsome boyfriends, getting married at 21 and kids and careers and houses. Cos that's what is expected from society and they don't know any better, and that came out more bitter than I intended .

Or may be not, I'm so not telling .

Ah, yes, I won't deny it. I'm Mistress of Angst, so, when they make promises like that, there's a possibility that something will happen ...

Thanks for the thoughts about Common Areas, it's kinda disappeared into the endless depths that are the Pens backpages now, but, good times.

~~~~~


I think Tara subconsciously has a feeling, but she's still to young to grasp what it is. Whether she or Willow will be the first to have the "lightbulb" moment, well, I'm not saying just yet ...


~~~~~


We're in danger of leapfrogging ourselves to future parts, but yes it gets angsty. Unfortunately (or otherwise, depends on how you like it) it will turn even more angsty. I've gotten up to Part 9, and the real story hasn't even started, so it'll be long . I'm nearly done with Part 10, but I want to finish the Race first, I actually interrupted writing Lamplight so I could start the Race, but I have an outline so inspiration is still there, and I have lots of ideas.

~~~~~


Thanks! What I was trying to show was exactly that, Willow has money money money but then what? Tara lives with people who aren't even close family, and they're poor, but they try their best to stick together and have a decent home life. Sometimes in life, this is so true that it's almost clichéd.

And later,
This is partially personal experience. At college my group of friends came from diverse backgrounds -- different schools, family circumstances and definitely different financial status. But since everyone were living at dorms or sharing, our status as college students were by and large equal. When I visited a friend at his parents' home during break, I couldn't help feeling uncomfortable, though I tried very hard not to. He was after all a really good friend, and I didn't want to offend or judge or actually have any opinion or feelings apart from "this is B's home". Thing was, I've never been to a building that decrepit, it was beyond anything I've experienced. So I get what you're saying about Willow's reaction, but in her defence, it was her first visit.

Thanks for reading, I've never had feedback from a mod before, it's an honor and very much appreciated (I know, you're just a person, like the rest of us .)

~~~~~


Actually if Willow or Tara thought about it more, and even talked about it, I think your best friend's reaction is EXACTLY what their reaction will be too .

~~~~~


Thanks! It is always better if they're friends first. Sometimes I read fics that have them falling madly in love and hopping into bed within 5 minutes of meeting each other, I love those scenarios too, but for this one, I want for them to have something in common, to have friendship to build on.

~~~~~


Yep, definitely slow, definitely will build up. Thanks for reading!

~~~~~


Whatever we think them, I think the BtVS writers and actors have given us a group of interesting and layered characters that we can play with, build upon and identify with. Not many TV shows manage this. I just hope I'm doing these character justice. Now that the series has finished, there's not much room for the fanfic writer to explore, and most of us are writing AUs now. But one thing I don't like is reading a fic where the characters are unrecognizable, I think you do the best job, because you don't have names to work with, that we were able to identify a character by your description alone is a rare gift indeed. I guess that should have gone in the Prisoner thread, huh? Anyway, I'm deeply grateful for your comments.

~~~~~


Unfortunately this is true for virtually all 14 year olds in the world (except if you're Michael Jackson I suppose, he never grew up), that sooner or later they have to enter the ugly real world and all their innocence and dreams are lost so easily.

I don't think I'm being spoilery when I say yes, they will be together at the end. This can't be a W/T fic without that basic understanding. Now, how they get there, how much they have to go through, that I'm not saying just yet .

I understand what you mean, and I think I was only able to capture a little that 'feeling'. You can pull wool over people's eyes, you can tell them lies, you can hide sharp needles underneath layers of cloth, but one thing you can never hide, is smell. In amongst the relative poverty of Tara's home, I was trying to portray some hope, something good and nice, that she and Willow can take away for the rest of their lives, whereever they end up.

~~~~~


I understand how you feel, you can't help that you've traveled to all these places, or done so many things that your contemporaries haven't done, but somehow you feel this is what makes you different. With Willow, it's her brains and money; with Tara it's her status of living with a relative and not being so well off. Will I take Tara out of this? time will tell, not saying just yet .

~~~~~

_________________
quiet thoughts

Title: Lamplight
Author: watson (hiddenwatson@yahoo.com)
Distribution: Please let me know me first
Rating: R
Disclaimer: BtVS characters, concepts and dialog belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others.
Summary: Contemporary AU. Where demons wear human faces. Two lives drifted apart, can they find their missing half?
Notes: Updates will be slow, but I wanted to post to see what the responses are like. Not going to use blackmail, don't have the seniority to do that, but it'll be nice to see the number in the "Replies" column steadily increasing.
Notes 2: This will be long and angsty. There may be some surprises along the way as well as changes in settings. Did I mention angsty? Cos, it's real, the angst.


Part 2

The activities of the Scooby Gang, as they had taken to calling themselves, continued as usual at the beginning of the new school year. They were soon joined by transfer student Buffy, who despite her credentials as May Queen and epitome of cool at her previous school, decided to join them rather than the Cordettes, much to Willow's, and definitely Xander's, delight.

"Had enough of being a cheerleader," Buffy said nonchalantly while adjusting her fashionable earrings from LA. "I want a simple life for a change."

Jesse announced, much to the chagrin of the group, that his family was moving to Chicago, to follow his father's career. They had a good cry about it, then set about organizing the best going away party they could.

And so the five became four.

They started frequenting the Bronze, the best of a poor bunch of local clubs. Buffy, as usual, engaged in a fierce contest with Cordelia for the center of attention on the dance floor. Soon, though, both Tara and Willow started receiving their fair share of dance requests. Willow happily accepted them, but Tara, who was privately nursing an inkling of a revelation about herself, was more reluctant.

"Come on, Tara, it's just for fun," Willow egged on.

"I, um, don't feel like dancing. You go on ahead," Tara murmured.

"Tara, we have other people, boys, paying us attention. Us. We have to seize the opportunity, otherwise they slip by," Willow pleaded.

"I don't know how to behave with them. What do I talk about? I don't know what to say," Tara worried.

"It's just dancing. I mean, I have no clue either, remember I'm the one who's normally reduced to vowel sounds when I'm with a boy, but it's just dancing," Willow reassured.

"No, really, Will. I think I'll sit this one out," Tara said resolutely.

Willow took one last look at her friend, shrugged and joined the others on the dance floor.

Like all teenagers, the talk between the group soon turned almost exclusively to dating although it was all mostly codes and rumors.

Xander's awkward attraction toward Buffy was not lost on his three friends, who tormented and ribbed him relentlessly. Buffy laughed through it all, resisting the advances of someone she considered a brother with practiced ease. She had a bevy of admirers, from boy-next-door Owen to Percy the jock to Mr Intensity himself, Billy Fordham. She, on the other hand, had her eye on an older, darker, mysterious prey by the name of Angel.

Willow, who had started hanging out with the computer lab, had a bit of trouble with a fellow computer nerd by the name of Malcolm, who had taken a more than healthy interest in her. It took measures and words from Ms Calendar the computer teacher to dissuade the junior stalker.

Tara developed a good relationship with Mr Giles the librarian and the gang soon adopted the library as their base of operations.

Junior year rolled by and all talk turned to SATs and college choices. Willow, who was universally acknowledged as a genius, was already receiving feelers from colleges on the strength of her PSAT score and recommendations from her teachers. Barring any major mishaps she could go anywhere she wanted. All she wanted though, was her parents to tell her where they would feel most proud, but of course she never got an answer.

She was showing Tara yet another of the come-meet-us-and-see-what-we-have-to-offer letters one day, they were in her room, her parents out of town again.

"Look! They have these majors I've never heard of before. Bolivian-Belgian Studies, Amusement Park Engineering, Fruit Science. I'm sure fruits are interesting, but to have a whole major, that's freaky," she remarked.

"Obviously some people don't find it freaky," Tara responded without emotion.

"Hmm. No, not for me. I'm thinking computer science for sure, then minor in math or mechanical engineering," Willow said.

"Sounds very hard," Tara commented.

"Nah, I'm fine with them. What about you, Tare?" Willow asked.

"Me?"

"Yeah you."

"I don't know. I haven't seen my Dad for over a year, but last time he stopped by he said he was retiring, thinking of getting out of the army. If he does that he'll have to find a job in the real world," Tara said dejectedly.

"You could get a scholarship," Willow consoled.

Tara was quiet for a minute.

"I want to find a job, have my own life," she started.

"High school graduates are dime a dozen, Tara, are you sure you'll be able to find a living?" Willow asked, a little shocked.

"Then I'll have no choice but to crash at your place won't I?" Tara smirked.

"You know you're always welcome," Willow said sincerely.

"When you become the next Bill Gates, just how this high school loser fit in will be interesting then," Tara laughed.

One day, a few weeks later, Willow had her own little confession to make.

"I'll probably need to get a scholarship too," she whispered.

"Of course you'll get a scholarship, probably more than one, these colleges are falling over themselves to give you money," Tara said.

"No, I mean I'll need a full scholarship, tuition and cost of living, the works," Willow explained.

Tara quirked an eyebrow.

"I heard my parents, that other night they were both home, having an argument. It's all about shares and stuff. Mom was kinda crying and yelling at Dad, that the shares they bought earlier are sitting in the drawers, more worthless than waste paper. Seems like they lost a whole lot in their investments," Willow added.

"I heard Aunt Marie mention it too. She and my Uncle were talking about how much they lost, but then I don't think they put a lot in," Tara joined in.

"My folks did. It's all beyond me, my Dad has this special cellphone that he always answers regardless of what he's doing, and it's all talk about margins and floats and stuff," Willow sighed. "But I think most of the money's gone."

"Gone?" Tara was incredulous.

"Yep. I don't even want to ask about my college fund. They seem so lost," Willow said.

"Adults can be so blind," Tara agreed.

"Seems to be affecting a lot of other kids' families though. Except Buffy's. Mrs Summers is too smart to get caught. I heard Cordelia's Dad is in even worse hot water than my folks," Willow added.

"Strange, everyone loses. Who wins?" Tara wondered.

"My Dad explained to me once, how he makes a profit. He buys at a dollar, sells at two, and gets a huge windfall. Then the share keeps rising so he buys at three dollars and sells at four, and he makes another dollar. But it keeps going up and up so he buys at six dollars then suddenly it falls all the way to 50 cents," Willow explained.

"Still don't know who wins out of this scenario," Tara said, puzzled.

"Greed," said Willow. "No one wins."

"They deserve it, if you asked me," said Tara fervently.

*****

Willow knocked on the greasy door with one hand while trying to balance a tin of cookies and her books in the other.

"Oh, hi, Donny. Is Tara in?" she asked the young man who opened the door.

Tara's cousin leered at Willow but said nothing as he opened the door and stepped aside so she could enter.

She walked into the living room and saw Tara in earnest conversation with someone.

"Hey Will, you're here," Tara greeted her and with a small wave, motioned for her friend to join her on the couch.

"Er, looks like you have company, it's okay, I'll come ba—" Willow muttered, making small movements to leave.

Tara jumped up, grabbed her arm and pulled her to the couch. "What? Don't be silly, you just got here. Come, I want you to meet my Aunt Hallie."

Tara's aunt turned and smiled briefly at Willow. She was well dressed, with aloof eyes and an air of sophistication the teenager had never seen before. She would not have been considered a raving beauty, but she had a style and way of holding herself that stood out.

"Aunt Hallie lives in Europe, she's back here to visit Aunt Marie," Tara introduced.

"A flying visit, I'm afraid. I can't be away too long," Hallie said, her voice low and deep.

"What do you do?" Willow asked curiously.

"I have an antiques business, mainly in London but I travel quite a bit, to buy merchandise," Hallie answered.

Willow caught Tara's look, a mixture of awe and longing. Neither girl had even been outside the US before and someone from Europe was so breathtaking, so exotic.

"When do you graduate?" Hallie asked in return.

"Next year," they responded together.

Hallie sighed. "I envy your generation, you have so much opportunities. Just follow the yellow brick road and you'll reach your destination."

"But the yellow brick road wasn't all plain sailing," Willow pondered.

"Life is an adventure, we need excitement, otherwise we grow stale and complacent," Hallie countered. "What are your plans after graduation?"

"College," Willow answered automatically. Her parents' financial woes aside, there was never a question that she would go.

"Do you have preferences on where?"

"Um, not really. Haven't thought about it yet," she hesitated.

"Willow has early entry offers from everywhere. She's a certified genius," Tara said proudly. Willow blushed.

"What about you, Tara," Hallie turned her attention to her niece.

"I want to earn lots of money," Tara announced determinedly.

"Whatever you do, it pays to know what you want at an early age," Hallie said, smiling.

Hallie took the girls to afternoon tea at her hotel. It was so much more luxurious than either Willow or Tara had imagined. They grew dizzy at the sight of the huge chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, the glitter reflected by dozens of floor length mirrors lining the foyer. The china on the table were from England, the silver cutlery from Germany and much heavier on the hands than the usual forks and knives they were used to. The penguin-suited waiters efficiently and wordlessly serving the guests, making every single one of them feel like a celebrity.

"This must be expensive," Tara whispered to her aunt, wondering how she could afford it, whether this was her normal lifestyle. And growing even more determined to emulate her.

"It's just money," Hallie answered matter-of-factly.

"It's okay to visit once in a while," Tara added.

"It becomes meaningless, coming here everyday. The wow factor disappears," Willow added.

"Like I said, your generation is so much smarter than mine. You two are good friends?" Hallie remarked.

Willow and Tara smiled and nodded solemnly. "Best friends," they said.

"How about you, Aunt Hallie. Do you have a best friend?" Tara asked.

"I used to. But not anymore," Hallie answered though without any trace of sadness.

"How come?"

"Life gets more complicated as you grow older."

"Why?"

"Like there may be something I want to forget, but my friend keeps reminding me of it, even though she knows it's a sore point," Hallie explained.

"Why do you want to forget?" asked Tara.

"Why does she always mention it?" asked Willow.

Hallie continued, "Or the friends end up on opposite sides of an argument, or something very important, or they fight over possession of the same thing. Neither wants to budge, eventually there's got to be a winner, and therefore a loser. The friendship always lose."

The girls were too innocent to understand, "What's the big deal? If they're really such good friends they should come up with a compromise."

Hallie said nothing.

When it was time to leave, Hallie gave her card to both girls. On the thick, gold edged card was her name in flowing script and a telephone number.

"When I grow up I want to be like you, travel everywhere, have my own business, be independent," Tara said.

Her aunt kissed her goodbye and gave her a big hug.

"Look what she gave me," she showed Willow a small silver ring, two tiny palms closed over one another. Tara pressed the ring and the hands sprung apart to reveal a ruby heart.

"Wow, the hands holding a heart," Willow admired.

"For you," Tara offered the ring to her friend.

"Oh no, no! She gave it to you. I can't take it," willow protested.

"I want you to have it, you like it so much."

"I can't take it. It doesn't matter whether you wear it or me, it's just as pretty."

"See? We'll never fight over something like this."

It occurred to both girls at the same time, that perhaps the ring was not important. Would there one day be something sufficiently important that might drive them apart.

Both kept the thought to herself.

*****

_________________
quiet thoughts

Hi Watson,

Both are girls so full of hope, and yet the doubt starts to set in. Although I'm not a teenager anymore, I can still remember how this feels. All through high school I remember never even considering that the people I was friends with would one day not be there all the time or at all. These people were so important to me and my development as a person that they were all I could see for the future. And then high school started to come to an end and the doubt and insecurities of life started to creep in... and then became a reality.

I love the way you portray both girls and their feelings. You do a great job in portraying that life might not always be together forever and/or easy, but that there maybe be separate paths to take.

I believe this is around the time that the innocence and the shelteredness of life start to slip away, and I think this is where both girls are headed. I’m curious to see how each one responds to the things that are going to be thrown their way.

I can’t wait for the next update. I apologise for not leaving fb sooner and for not making much sense, but you know how it goes.