All in my head

[willohand]

Title: All in my head

Author: Willohand

Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Buffy & any of the other BtVS characters that might pop up belong to Joss Whedon, 20th Century Fox and Mutant Enemy. All original characters are the creation of my own imagination.

Rating: There will be NC-17 goodness eventually

Feedback: Greatly appreciated, please let me know what you think



Summary: There is a war going on inside Willow Rosenberg and losing is not an option. Her inner demons are battling for control of her psyche as she fights for her true identity that has been slowing shedding with her abuse of dark magic. This is an AU fanfic set in chapter 6. Tara does leave Willow due to her abuse of dark magic but in my world Tara doesnt die.Buffy doesnt get shot and the nerds are not a part of the scoobies lives.



This is what you get when you have 2 psychology majors join forces.Want to send out a special thanks to my first beta and partner i crime Jeanne a.k.a. Kindagay. Without her help and patience I would have never been able to get these wacky intense thoughts in order to put into print.And though she`s no longer my beta due to real life,she`s always going to be a big part of why this has come to be.

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CHAPTER 1





She needed it so badly. She wanted it less. The magicks were calling out to her. Willow desperately fought the urge to give in and do a spell. It would have been so easy. It would have ended all her pain, while at the same time unleashing upon her world someone that would cause more hurt and pain. Herself.

No, she would stay true to her word to Tara. No more magick.



Was it a lost cause? Tara had still broken up with her. Did it even matter anymore? Willow knew that as much as she was doing this to try and win Tara back she was also doing it for herself. She didn't like the person she had become.



The voices were taunting her again. "Didn't like the person you became?” It sneered. “You were nothing before me. Just some geek. You were a loser. You were just Willow, plain old Willow who was picked on and teased by everyone. Your own parents didn't even like you. I offered you the world and you greedily took it. You had the power...then she tells you she didn't like who you were becoming and just like that you throw it all away. You picked her over me and now she’s not here. Now you intend to just pretend that we never happened? You think you can so easily throw me to the side? I WANT WHAT WE AGREED UPON!" The voice was booming inside Willow’s head. "Come on" the voice now whispered "just one small spell and we will be together forever. We can have it all. You can have anything you want. The world will be your oyster."



Willow’s mind drifted to Tara.



“NOOOOOO!” The voice screamed. “She’s the reason why I'm here to begin with. TARA." She said it like it was something dirty. “When I'm out I will see to it that that bitch gets everything she deserves.”



Willow’s head shot up. Lunging at herself they landed hard.

"Don’t you go near my Tara. I’ll kill you right now." The magick was flowing through Willow and it’s just what Dark Willow wanted.



"Do it. I can feel you want to. Look at yourself. You can taste the power ready to flow through you. You want to hurt me don't you? Just one little spell against me...." Willow pulled away from herself. Her hair was black and the power was at her finger tips crackling and waiting, but she refused to succumb to it.



When Dark Willow realized she wasn't going to cast a spell she toyed with her, showing images and memories of Tara.

"Stop it." Willow yelled. It was killing her not having Tara.



Dark Willow knew she was close to her freedom if Willow did even the simplest of spells. The memory of her and Tara sharing their first kiss. The first time they made love. Them in Tara’s room doing spells together. Then the pictures were dark. Her and Tara fighting. The day Glory brain sucked Tara. Their fights and arguments. Then the words that were etched in Willow’s mind... ‘I-I-I don’t trust you anymore Willow. You hurt me. You stole my memories. I-I trusted you and you hurt me. Its over. I can’t stay with you if I can’t trust you.’ Those words were played over and over and over again. Willow couldn't take it anymore. It hurt too much to hear Tara’s voice.



She started to tremble. Grabbing her head she dropped to the floor. Just as Buffy was walking into her best friend’s room she saw Willow going. She missed catching her by a fraction of an instant. Willow hit the floor hard. There was a steady flow of blood streaming from her nose and a gash on her forehead from hitting the edge of the bed.



"Willow? Willow!” Buffy called shaking her best friend. "Dawn? Dawn where are you? Get in here. Now!"

Dawn came running in and stopped halfway in.

"Tara” Buffy yelled. “Go call Tara." Dawn went running out blinded by tears.



Willow went into convulsions. Even with her slayer strength Buffy was having a hard time holding on. At one point she was tossed like a rag doll. She recovered quickly and was back holding on to Willow to stop her from causing further damage to herself. The convulsions were coming to an end, Willow’s eyes fluttered but that was all. In her mind Willow was calling out to her light. “Taraaaaaaa.”



Across Sunnydale Tara was in her philosophy class when she too experienced a spilling pain in her head. She squinted from the pain. "Willow" she breathed softly. It would be the last thing Willow would hear before she slipped into unconsciousness.

[willlovestara]

Wow! What an action packed start. I can't wait to see where you take this. Hannah.

Edited by: willlovestara  at: 4/3/05 12:40 pm

[DreamLover]

Awesome, awesome start! I can't wait to see what happens next.



Take care,

Henny

[Jes021]

Great start , love to read more soon!!!

"I have gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, keep me here."



"I'm not antisocial, society is anti me."

[TaraBaby77]

Yes, great start. Please, bless us with another update soon. =)

Aaron

'Tarababy77'

---

"Don't buy into all the media crap. Love yourself for who you are, not what others THINK you should look like. It's DEFINITELY more important in this life to love each other despite our imperfections." - Amber Benson

---

[willohand]

Okay so she`s not my beta anymore or my writing partner coz of this thing we call real life..(grumbles to myself)In between writing her own fanfics, classes with it being exam time and oh work too its safe to say she`s busy living her life. She being a psychology major as was I, you just know us getting together to write would produce one hell of a fanfic to tickle and awaken some parts of everybody psyche. So I wanted to just thank you Jeanne a.k.a. kindagay for all your help and in put and putting up with my madness.It was great working with you. .

[MissKittys Ball O Yarn]

Ahhhh yes... I too appreciate Jeanne...she's one of my favorite people ever! *waves hand in air* Hi Jeanne!



okay.....now that that is said... I must go on to say I really like this Idea and I hope you continue with it. This is usually the part of the feedback when I say something constructive...but it's getting a little late over here in the west and I'm feeling a little... plus you know....Tori just went up to bed without me...and I should probably join her.



have a good night and post soon



xoxo

Emms

To the smut! ~ Me

[Viximon]

Wowowowowooooooooou



Just awsome! You sure know how to start and make a girl just be glued to that story.



Pleeeease update soon. wonderful work

[willohand]

well that`s not fair.I want my "something constructive to say" from you. awwwww come on...how am I going to improve if ya dont let me know what I can improve upon? now get with it .

And Im glad you like so far. you beter buckle yourself in.It going to be a wild ride.I mean how could it be anything less? We are going to be inside Willow`a head after all.



To all my kitties hold on to your girlfriend or wife, your boyfriend/husband.This is going to be like nothing you ever experienced before.What we love most about our favorite redhead is her quirky cute ways right? The systems she comes up with her cute babble and her personality overall right? Well her psyche is in the midst of a battle.A battle that is being fought over and one Willow cant afford to lose.If she cant win over her inner demons then the Willow we all love will be gone and her darker side shall control her personality and be set loose upon the world. Are we really ready for a world without our Willow?

Edited by: willohand at: 4/4/05 6:41 am

[sam darls]

Wow..this is simply amazing..I love it. I can't wait for more. Love sam xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[Irene73]

Howdy

Wow...that was pretty intense. Having Willow fight her inner demon, great concept. I'm happy to see that even though Tara and Willow are still in splitsville, they're love for one another still keeps them connected.



BRING ON THE ANGST...I like reading fluffy fics...hey who doesn't, especially if it's about Willow and Tara, but give me an angst fic anytime. IT'S ALL ABOUT THE DRAMA...THAT EVENTUALLY LEADS TO HAPPY WILLOW AND TARA REUNIONS.



And Jeanne was your beta reader? Talk about two hearts beating as one. She's awesome. One of my favorite fanfic writers.



Great start...can't wait for more UPDATEY GOODNESS,

Saluting you while holding up a cup of good old fashioned coffee,

Irene

[willohand]

So is it really good? Coz in the early stages while Jeanne was my beta I drove her insane with all my re-writes and more re-writes.I thought for sure Id drive her to not want to help me anymore. So when she had to because of her real life I was very upset but hey it happens,real life wanting attention. But I was lucky enough that we got so much done before her departure. Ouch! Oh the pain, the pain... losing her was like losing half my brain.Being we both are psychology majors, me past tense her in the present. I mean what ar the odds that 2 psych majors who both also like to write find one another worlds apart? She being there and me here in New York... talk about a pair from two different worlds...and brought together by our love of and . Well you guys get to enjoy our combined talents for something Im pretty proud of. Enjoy kitties.AND PLEASE MORE FEEDBACK.

[kindagay]

Hey,



I think it's so great that you're posting this fic here, & you already know that I really like it.



I appreciate you acknowledging my contributions, but uhm, I'd prefer if you stopped the 'name-dropping' stuff - it's not necessary & I'd prefer if you left any discussions about my RL stuff up to me - personal stuff should stay private.

The fic is very good & I'm sure the kittens visit the thread to read your story, not to read (mostly off topic) babbles about me



Jeanne



ETA: Aww, Emms & Irene you guys are so sweet - thank you for your kind words.

----------



Tara: “Let me guess – you want me to lie on your lap while you feed me grapes, but my sweet, shy, precious, honey you’ve been too shy to ask – yes?” - GROWW by WannaFriendsBe

"All we need is some ice cream & a hug." - Bowling4Soup



My very own Willow & Tara website

Edited by: kindagay  at: 4/7/05 2:45 am

[willohand]

Chapter 2



With every breath Tara could sense her ex-girlfriend’s pain. ‘Ex-girlfriend?’ she thought. It just didn't sound right, and it certainly didn't feel right. From the very first time she looked at Willow she knew Willow was hers and she was Willow's.



Tara had left class and was now in her dorm room packing her bags. One with clothing. The other with spell books she thought she might need. She had no idea what she might be up against but she at least wanted to have a leg to stand on.



She didn't know much but she did know that Willow was her soul mate, and she was tired of not having Willow in her life. She wasn't going to lose her to dark magicks or anyone for that matter.



Back at the Summers' house Buffy was in a state of disbelief. She was rocking Willow back and forth repeating "This isn't happen, this isn't happening...Oh god Will... what happened? When did everything go so wrong? I mean you’re like, Willow. Good old reliable, uh shit you don't like that term, but, but you are, or you used to be. Now you’re all 'look at me, look at me. Aarghh.. I'm so powerful. I'm so in charge.' I remember that shy little girl who asked me if I wanted her to move. Pft... what was that about? How did we get here? When did you change so much? God I’ve been so blind, so selfish. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own little world with Spike that I didn't even realize that you weren't the same person. You’re not the Willow who became my best friend anymore are you? Or, or maybe you are but I’ve been too god damn selfish to realize you had problems of your own. Tara left you, she left you for god’s sake. That should have been my warning but noooooo me and Spike, Spike and me...I didn't even ask you what had happened.” Tears of deep regret and sadness rolled down Buffy’s face. "Oh god, you must hate me so much. After everything you’ve done for me.... and I never once said thank you. Willow I'm sorry. God so sorry. I’ve been a terrible friend. I'm sorry Willow. Don't leave me. Don't die on me Willow. I'll try harder. Ill be a better friend. I'll be here for you more just don't leave me." The slayer was reduced to a scared, sobbing child as she cradled her best friend limp body.



Dawn stood watching her sister, the slayer, completely change before her very eyes.



"Buffy?" She came into the room slowly not wanting to scare her sister. Buffy stopped all movement. She gently laid Willow down putting her body on some pillows. She slowly stood up, never taking her eyes off Willow. That's when Dawn saw it, Buffy’s bloody hand. Dawn touched it. Buffy pulled it back.



"I got mad. Will wouldn't get up. I hit the wall and the other wall and punched the floor. She won't wake up for me." Buffy exited the room emotionally broken. She calmly walked downstairs to the basement.



Once inside she flew into a rage. Equipment flew across the room. She punched holes in walls and destroyed anything and everything in her path. By the time she ran out of feelings in her hands Dawn was holding her and consoling her.



Dawn finally got Buffy to get some rest. She wanted to find out what Buffy had been doing in the basement as Buffy had claimed that she had fallen and hurt both hands. Dawn couldn't believe what she saw as she walked into the basement.



“Oh Buffy..." she looked around in amazement. She knew her sister was the slayer and that she was blessed with great strength but for the first time she was seeing it first hand. What she was looking at made her grasp just what kind of power her sister really has. It also made her realize just what kind of pressure her older sister was really under. To have this kind of power... and have the conviction to use it for the good of man kind...



Dawn thought to herself what things might be like if that Warren guy had this much power so easily at his finger tips. She trembled at the thought.



"My sister is the chosen one. The chosen one." She repeated to herself smiling. She continued to walk around what was left of the basement.



What she was seeing frightened her a bit. Steel bars were bent in half. Some were even broken. There were deep holes punched through walls, tables up ended. There was glass everywhere from what use to be a mirror on the wall in the corner.



She knew Buffy was upset and lost at the thought of losing Willow but what lay before her she couldn't put a word to.



She quickly closed the door and ran upstairs to Buffy’s room where she could hear Buffy’s muffled cries.



Dawn entered slowly as to not to wake her sister. She took off her sneakers and climbed into bed with Buffy, who was tossing and turning while calling out Willow's name.



"Shh...It's going to be okay Buffy we’re not going to lose Willow." She leaned over and placed a kiss on Buffy’s hair.



"Have to save Willow.” Buffy whimpered as she tried to get up. Dawn held tight not letting Buffy up.



"You need to get some sleep Buffy ..Please." Buffy eased back down under the cover and was asleep before her head hit the pillow.



Dawn took a deep breathe and closed her eyes.



Moments later Dawn’s head popped up



"Willow" she gasped and eased off of Buffy’s bed out the door and took off down the hall.



When she reached Willow's room the redhead was still in the position in which Buffy had left her. To look at her you would think she was sleeping. She looked so peaceful. Far from it. Behind her closed eyes, doors were being opened that held Willow's deepest fears, this meant pain and chaos. For there was a war going on inside Willow Rosenberg. A war between her mind and her soul. With dark Willow trying to control her very soul losing in not an option.



Dawn sat down next to her brushing hair from her face to see Willow better. As she sat keeping watch she couldn't help but smile. Willow is so funny with her cute quirky ways. She frowned thinking ‘well she used to be funny and quirky before the dark magicks.’ Her mind drifted back to Willow’s different coloured pens system which brought an instant smile. Willow was the smartest person she knew. Anyone who can make studying history that much fun is tops in Dawn’s mind. There was so much she wanted to tell Willow. She especially needed to talk with Willow about the night Tara left. As she remembered her arms automatically reached for Willow pulling her in closer. Dawn was so angry with Willow and she let it be known.



Holding nothing back to spare Willow’s feelings after having lost her girlfriend she cut into Willow.



"WHY IS SHE LEAVING?" Dawn yelled at Willow. "IS IT THE MAGICKS?" Willow tried to answer but she couldn't so instead she stood there hoping Dawnie would understand.



Her silence spoke volumes to Dawn, who not getting the answer she wanted only got more upset with her favourite redhead.



"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MAKE HER LEAVE? You know it should be you leaving after everything you’ve done, not Tara. NOT TARA."



And her final words to Willow were the most hurtful. Stepping closer to Willow so she was face-to-face with her she looked her directly in the eyes and said



"I wish you were dead Willow Rosenberg." The look of hurt in Willow’s eyes didn't even registrar to Dawn. She walked away leaving the redhead devastated.



"Dawnie” Willow whispered.



Dawn walked into her room and slumped to the floor. She couldn't believe she had just spoken to an adult that way. At that moment she wasn't really seeing Willow as an adult. Just the opposite actually. She was in so much pain that night, but looking back she knows what she said to Willow was wrong.



Cradling Willow’s body she started to cry. And with those tears an apology of sorts.



"Willow...Will I, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I don't want you gone. Please don't leave me. Don't die. Buffy needs you. Xander will be lost without his best friend. B-Buffy, she, she isn't handling this too well. She’s broken. She, she’s so ...I don't know. Well okay I do...She went a little crazy.. a lot Slayers in the basement. It's, it's completely destroyed.. So see you can't die...I'm the one who’s going to get stuck cleaning up the mess. But you and me...the two pf us will have it cleaned in no time. Right? Please Will I don't want you to die. Please..."



Dawn knew only one person who could reach Willow. She looked up to find Tara standing in the doorway.

[sam darls]

That was amazing and powerful..love it!! Love sam xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[Viximon]

miaargghh

The fic is great so far. I love it. Poor Buffy is having a mental breakdown, Dawnie is acting all mature even



And Willow... (well, luck for her, she's out most of the time )

Hope Tara can mend things to normal, if anyone can, Tara is our man..um woman.Though she may be in a little of shock about the happening herself



Update soon, please I can't wait for read more

[TaraBaby77]

Oh wow!!! Buffy had lost it. To see her breakdown like that and the way that Dawn finally spook her mind, reading all of that made my heart skip a beat. What an absolutely great update. But.....but... Tara in the doorway??? That was the end of the update. It's can't stop there. What happens next??? Anyhoo, great work and can't WAIT to see more soon. Take care. =)

Aaron

'Tarababy77'

---

"Don't buy into all the media crap. Love yourself for who you are, not what others THINK you should look like. It's DEFINITELY more important in this life to love each other despite our imperfections." - Amber Benson

---

[willohand]

My Dawn as you can all already tell is the Dawn we all wanted to see on the show but didnt.Well my Dawnie is the mature young adult she`s meant to be. Her hidden strength is what Buffy needed. And dont you just love her finally realizing just what it takes to be the 'Slayer'? And she sees just what kind of pressure Buffy is under. But what I enjoyed writing the most in this chapter is Dawn being proud of her sister and proud to be 'The Slayer`s' sister. Go Dawn! And yes its finally happened,Buffy has that long over due emotional break down.

I mean did you ever think you would see Buffy reuced to a babbling crying little girl? Well if her own death couldnt break her I knew losing Willow would serve as an excellent straw that broke the camels back...so to speak. And yeah I left you guys hanging there at the end... but only to make sure you all continue to want to read this. okay so lets hear it. I demand feedback but especially on your thoughts on Buffy`s break down. did I do a believable enough job?

Edited by: willohand at: 4/7/05 5:29 pm

[luv4willtara]

Wow. Great story so far. I am superly enjoying it. poor Willow. It must be so hard for her to cope with everything. And I like the whole Dawn speach. It was really good, but it made me sad, which I think was the desired affect! I thought it was cool how you made Tara feel the pain that WIllow felt when she fell. It shows their true connection, how they are soul mates and such! I'm liking the story. Please continue!

Katie aka Luv4WillTara

I break with every swell. Lost in ecstacy, spread beneath my Willow tree. You make me complete.-Tara

[willohand]

It's a two Chapter update!

Chapter 3

"Tara is that you? Is it really you?" Tara ran to Willow’s side kneeling besides Dawn. Tara leaned forward letting her forehead rests against Dawn’s.



"Hey sweetie. It’s really me." she whispered.

Dawn hugged her and cried. Tara understood Dawn’s need and let the youngest Scooby cry. Dawn clutched at Tara’s shirt.

"Its okay Dawnie I'm here. And I'm never leaving again." She tried to move back in order to look at Dawn better but Dawn only held her shirt tighter as if silently begging Tara to not leave. "Its okay sweetie, really I'm not leaving. I promise." Hearing those words Dawn loosened her vice-like grip on Tara’s shirt. A Tara promise was gold. She never promised something and disappointed.



Dawn eased away slightly and finally looked Tara in her eyes. Eyes that always brought her a sense of peace.

Almost as if sensing Tara’s presence Willow groaned. Both Willow and Tara looked down at Willow.

"She knows your here" Dawn stated. Tara eased Willow out of Dawn’s arms and tentatively wrapped herself around her girlfriend.

"Dawnie how long has she been like this?" Tara asked worriedly.

"Im not sure. Buffy found her. She had me call you. I'm sorry if I frightened you with my message. I was just so.." Tara touched Willow’s cheek.

" Sweetie I didn't get any messages from you." Dawn looked confused.

"Then how... I mean if....but your here." Dawn looked at Tara then at Willow back to Tara.

"I need to talk to Buffy then so I can..." Tara stopped mid sentence. Dawn was looking scared. "What is it Dawnie? Where’s Buffy? Sweetie...?"

Dawn’s voice drooped under a whisper. "I cleaned her up and put her to bed." Tara lifted Dawn's head to look into her eyes.

"What do you mean cleaned her up?" Tears were running down Dawn’s face.

"The basement" is all Dawn said. Tara was careful with Willow as she eased out from around her girlfriend.



As Tara entered the basement her heart pained for Buffy. She was standing in the middle off Buffy’s destruction and anger like she never knew was possible. She looked around in awe of the power of the petite blonde. Minutes later she was looking in on her. She decided it was best to let Buffy rest a little while longer before she woke her. She obviously needed it. As she was leaving she noticed both Buffy hands were heavily bandaged. She had seen the 'slayer' during battles before so she knew of her strength but the rubble that laid throughout the basement was still surprising. She instantly knew the source of Buffy’s anger. No not just anger. The Buffy that destroyed the basement was enraged. It was Willow’s best friend plain and simple. She lightly ran her hands through Buffy’s hair then left the room.

[willohand]

And now Chapter 4 (because 3 was kinda short)

Chapter 4

Even before anything happened Tara could feel it. She could sense everything going on with her girlfriend. Their connection was deep from the very start. It was like nothing either had ever experienced. And now that connection was telling her that something was happening with Willow. She didn't know what, but she could feel Willow’s pain.



There they stood, the three different aspects of her personality watching each other. They stood in silence simply watching. No one made any attempts at the other. Willow was in a state of shock and pure panic at the sight before her. Dark Willow was angry. High school Willow was out of place. It was more painful than she ever imagined, having to face herself. She always knew this day might come. Having to succumb to the feelings she had never faced. She was too ashamed to look her high school self in the eyes. So she looked off to dark Willow who was smiling. It took all her strength from dropping to the floor curling up and crying. High school Willow's mind was racing with so many thoughts and questions as to why she was locked away. She was the representation of all of Willow's weaknesses, while dark Willow was her mistakes, half truths and loss of control. Strangely enough it is high school Willow who had all the power over Willow. Minds were racing and with that the babble fest was on.



High school Willow was holding in so much. So many years of not being loved or giving love...

"You can’t even look me in the eyes, are you that ashamed of me? I was good enough in high school wasn’t I? 'Geeks are in' remember that? Probably not. You’ve hidden every part of me away in that horrible little room. I'm not good enough any more am I? Not good enough for college. Not good enough for Tara. I was never good enough for anyone really was I? That's why I was banished isn't it? Banished to the oubliette. Well I don't care what you think, if Tara got to know me she’d love you more. I mean, compared to that, that thing." High school Willow indicated her dark, evil counterpart with disgust. "She's, she's just like your vampire self. All skanky and evil, how you never wanted to be. Remember? Do you remember how you said you didn't ever want to be like her? Well look at what you’re turning into. An, evil, skanky B-I-T-C-H. And you’d prefer Tara to see that rather than seeing me? What's so wrong with me? I'm smart, reliable, dependable and completely non-evil. All those cute little quirks of yours that Tara adores, they’re me, they’re the me part of you. So why? Why would you not want Tara to meet me? You`ve got no problem with that sweet, beautiful woman seeing your horrible, evil, selfish side. But that's not the woman she fell in love with. She didn't fall in love with a junkie, a dark magick addict. She fell in love with a sweet sensitive, kind hearted geek. The fact that you knew spells was just an added bonus."



At the same moment Dark Willow’s mind was drifting off to an encounter between Tara and Willow. As Willow is about to say goodnight, Tara grabs her and pulls her into a string of kisses. Then one long, sweet kiss, fully on the mouth. Pulling back she breathes "I wanted to do that all night."

Dark Willow is smiling at the though of Tara.

"What am I doing? It’s Tara. She's why I'm stuck in here. That pathetic goody two shoe is why I can’t get out. But her body... oh god..." Sighs dark Willow. "She’s so beautiful and sexy. She's hot. I mean, that body, with her womanly curves and perfect breasts. Good strong hips, her ass, oh god... I'd like to bury my ... Then there are her eyes, those deep endless pool of blue, and the way they go all dark and cloudy when she's turned on... And that mouth, those lips, so delicious and sweet to kiss. And, oh her adorable little half smile that just melts your heart..." As she realises that she's babbling, and more to the point, about Tara dark Willow begins to get pissed off. "What the hell am I doing? Why am I saying all this about her? Hello? Dufus, 'cos she's hot. Shut-up! I DONT NEED THAT BITCH. THAT STUPID BITCH WHO`D PREFER HER OVER ME! When I get out of here I'm going to make her suffer. I could fuck her senseless." She smiles at the thought of that. "Oh yeah that’d teach her. A good fucking is exactly what she needs, I'd have her at my mercy. She wouldn't have the power to keep me trapped, she would surrender all control to me." She looks up to find high school Willow watching her intently, she gets more upset.

"What are u looking at?" She hauls off and smacks high school willow, sending her flying across the room. Her body just crumbled with the force behind the hit.



Tara sensed it. Willow’s body jerked violently.

"Willow" both Dawn and Tara screamed in unison. Tara held her girlfriend tight. As she wiped the sweat from Willow’s face she spoke softly "Sweetie what’s going on in there? Wake up baby. Don't make me have to come in there and get you..."

The words hung in the air. Dawn looked at Tara then at Willow back to Tara again.

"Could you do that? Tara? You have to. You could couldn't you? You can get inside her head and help. You have to do it!" The teenager yelled. "Tara you have to help her. Please, Tara you have to help her." Her voice small like a child. "Tara you're the only one. The only one who can help. Nobody else could do it. Well maybe Giles, but, you’re way more powerful than he is. Tara? Tara you have to help her. I need to tell her..." Dawn drops her head. Tara reaches out and touches her shoulder. "What? You need to tell her what Dawnie?" Tara asks. "I said some things... some horrible things to her when you left that night. I-I-I need ... I mean, she needs to know that I never meant it, any of it. Please Tara help her so I can tell her I love her."



They both look down at Willow. Tara softly strokes Willow’s temple. A look was on Tara’s face Dawn tried to read but couldn't. "Tara" she called but Tara was lost in her own thoughts.

"Oh sweetie... I have to reach you but I-I-I cant mess with y-your mind. W-what if i hurt you? With e-e-everything t-that has happened..." She was brought out of her thoughts by Dawn’s touch.

"Are you alright? I was calling you." The teenager said. Tara just pulled Willow closer.

Dawn noticed that Tara's breathing had become shallow and she was now sweating.

"Dawn I need you to call Giles. I don’t want to leave Willow just yet. Tell him everything that happened with Willow before I arrived." As Dawn stood up to leave Tara grabbed her arm. Without looking up, she whispered "Tell him I need his help to get into Willow’s mind to reach her."



Dawn ran out the room crying. Tara leaned over and kissed Willow soundly on the lips. Willow’s body relaxed into Tara’s. Inside Willow’s mind high school Willow was now recovering from the blow by Dark Willow.

Willow runs over to high school Willow. She helps her to sit up.

"Is that what you want around Tara? Someone who will hurt her. She wants her. Couldn’t you feel it? Did you hear her? Did you hear her thoughts? She’s after Tara" High school Willow yelled. Willow closed her eyes and listened.

For the first time in her life, she stated sadly "Everything’s quiet up here." Pointing to her head. She drops her head in defeat.



In another part of Willows mind stood Dark Willow. She obeys no one, she prays not. She stares lustfully at a picture of Tara. She knows that she will have Tara even if it means just taking her. And she readily, gracefully anticipates the fall in which it may take to break her.

"I'm going to have you Tara and your precious Willow gets to watch." She whispers as her body jerks as she comes all over her fingers at the thought of taking Tara.

High school Willow gasps at hearing dark Willow thoughts. She looks deeply into Willow eyes.

"She wants to hurt Tara! She’s going to hurt Tara!" She yells tears rolling down her face.



In her room, wrapped in Tara's embrace, Willow had tears rolling down her face too. Tara noticed and brushed them away. "Oh goddess what's going on in there?"[/b]

[Irishlassie101]

Hy there, what a wonderful fic...
I love the way you present us with the different emotions that torment our favourite girls...guilt, pain, desperation, lust...One can literally feel them while reading, so vivid and explicit.
A battle of minds is always a scary thing, I presume that it will be exactly that !!!!!!!!!!
GO GIRL

[viximon]

Oh My Goddess!
That's really...Oh my! I have no words. Amazing, awsome.
You're playing the right card with the story...

Please continue soon
Will Tara really get inside Willow's mind. That will be really interesting. Willow will be all freaked out because her love'll meet all the aspects of her.

Yay yay.

[sam]

Wow..amazing work Love sam xx

[UnicornLover]

oh my gosh! this story is totally-freakin'-awesome!!!!!!!!! i hope evil doesn't hurt the reall . i hope can get in there and help... maybe let the real see that she loves the high school as much as she loves her? or maybe she wont be able to get in? i need to know! like... NOW! please update really really really soon!!!!!! ~:moo

~*Shawna*~

[Emi06]

that was a great update!!!!!

[willohand]

Hey kitties. I just want you all to know Im back into writing and though its been a long while...I plan to restart my writing on the board with this one. I will get back to GROWTH I promise but this fic has to be finished. There was something calling me back to this one. Being a huge willow/alyson hannigan fan I have to conclude this. Dark? Yes its is. But I feel this was an important side to the buffy series that Josh didnt fully give its due. Sure it was sad seeing willow go all dark but alyson nailed it. I still am a huge fan of season 6. Mainly because of alyson,but sarah has to get her props too. She was so good as the lost buffy. So yeah Im going to dive back into this one. Its going to be just as dark and boy for all of you who like to read agnst then you should be very happy. Any questions? So I stopped here at chapter 4. Chapter 5 coming soon. Any comments replies just drop me a line here.
PLEASE HOLD ON TO YOUR SEATS!

[Guppy]

Yay for more writing! I'm glad you're finding time to get back to your fics here. Great news!

[Willowtree252]

Anything you want to do is welcome with open arms

[rsawest]

Good start. Looking forward to more. Psychology is fascinating.




Linda