Title: Coming Back
Feedback: Please, this story needs all the help it can get.
Takes place five years from now.
Spoiler Warning: Through Season Six
Disclaimer: Its all ME and Joss. I do not have any copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights belong with the production company, writers etc, etc.
Rating: PG for now
Couples: Eventually W/T again
Notes: It feels like it is taking forever to set the scene. I hope it is making some sense.
"Hey Buff, it's me. Could you give me call as soon as you get in. I will be home waiting for your call. It is really important." Dawn hung up the phone and began pacing back and forth. She looked at her watch again. 8:00 PM. That made it 5:00 PM back in Sunnydale. Buffy was going to have classes for the next four hours. So she was going to have plenty of time to explain what she had discovered.
Four more hours to pace back and forth. How was she going to explain? She could just come straight out with her discovery. Or she could wait. She could just stress that Buffy needed to come as soon as possible. That would give her time to confirm things. It would be tough for Buffy to take time off from her classes. She was teaching self-defense classes and although her business was doing well, she only had one part time instructor to fill in for her. It would be stressful financially but it was important. For the first time in years, beyond the anger and regret, there was a trace of hope in her life. A chance that she and her family would finally get the answers that they needed before they could completely heal. Things had been wrong for so long.
Dawn had had a tough adolescence to say the least. She first found out that she was some mystical key. She still hadn't quite grasped that concept when her mother died suddenly. With in a week of her mother's death, Tara had her mind sucked by Glory. She was protecting Dawn. Then Willow used magic to get Tara back but Buffy died. Then Buffy was resurrected but she came back sad and depressed. Nothing ever turned out easily. There was always a "but" to follow good news in her life. When it seemed as if nothing else could happen, something did. Willow cast a spell on Tara and as result, they broke up. Things just got worse and worse. Tara moved out. The house lost the calm sense of stability that Tara had given. Just when it seemed that Tara and Willow were getting back together, Xander walked out of his wedding to Anya. And then one day, Tara also disappeared.
How could Tara just disappear. She had promised that no matter what happened between her and Willow, she would always be there for Dawn. And she kept that promise for four months and then she just disappeared. She and Willow were dating again and things were good. And then, she was gone. Dawn imagined that Tara would be amazed to see how her absence shook the family. Willow had searched every data place that she could find but she was never able to find her. She walked the streets. Buffy went on a demon rampage, threatened and tortured every vampire she could find but learned nothing about her missing friend. Anya passed out fliers at the Magic shop with ever sale she made. She even put up a reward for any news on Tara. Giles checked with all his council contacts but found nothing.
Tara was gone without a trace. Eventually, they got permission to pack the belongings that had been left in her dorm room. They were stowed away under the stairs of the basement. Keeping the boxes, keeping her things just made Dawn feel as if there was a chance that she would come back. But come back from where?
The thing about life is that it just continues, even when you are hurting. And that is what happened with there lives. Buffy continued slaying and started teaching self defense out of the Magic Box. Willow finished college. Xander got his contractors license and started working by himself doing small scale home renovations. And Anya continued to work at the Magic Box. She actually developed other friends and started dating other people Dawn graduated from high school and spent a year at Sunnydale before she decided to transfer. She didn't care where she went as long as it was far from the Hellmouth. She thought Buffy would not want her to leave. Instead, she basically pushed her out the door. Buffy wanted to give her a chance to live peacefully and so she transferred to a small private college in Pennsylvania. It was so different from Sunnydale. The mountains and the lush hills were paradise. She was able to just start over
Willow buried herself in her job. She worked as a computer consultant. It was a good job for her. She would be assigned a company that had computer problem, bury herself in the problem, solve it and move on. She traveled all across the country and would stay anywhere from a couple of nights to six months. Sunnydale was her headquarters. She still had a room at the Summer's house. Her traveling allowed her to stay isolated. In the companies where she worked, she remained professional and distant. She did her job and left. She remained close to Buffy, Dawn, Xander and Anya but did not meet anyone new. Currently, she was working in Orlando.
Her family moved on but they never forgot that they were incomplete. And now, Dawn believed that she had found her. She had been attending the Gay/Bi-Lesbian Alliance Meeting on campus. She had begun attending these meetings as a way to remember Tara and Willow. She had seen the trouble that they went through trying to get Tara stuff from the University. Willow had enough evidence that they were partners but the university still hassled them. She had witnessed them be yelled at on the street for holding hands. She had felt the subtle discrimination for just being a part of this unique family. And as a way to recognize all they had done for her, she had pledge that she would always fight for the rights of the GLBT population, even if it meant that guys assumed she was not interested.
So she had been at the monthly meeting. The two women sitting beside here were talking about their weekends. Kathy, was excitedly showing her friend pictures of her the camping she and her new girlfriend had gone on. For Kathy, she was proud that her girlfriend was older and in graduate school. She kept mentioning the different things that people in the picture studied as if know them made her more intelligent. Dawn had never thought much of Kathy. She tended to think a little to highly of herself and she never stopped talking. So she just tuned out the conversation until a part of the conversation until one part piqued her interest.
"And this girl was cooking pancakes over the fire. When Jamie and I got back, she asked us what kind of pancakes we wanted. I was like huh. And she explained that she could make round or funny shaped. I was like... well, I want boobed shaped. And she made them. Then everyone else, even those who were full insisted on a boobed shaped pancake. This is a picture of us all about to eat our boobs and this is the girl who cooked them, Terri. She was so swee... heh."
Without waiting for an invitation, Dawn leaned over and took the picture out of Kathy's hand. She couldn't believe her eyes. She was in shock. Looking directly at her was Tara. Same shy half smile, same beautiful blue eyes. TARA! That was Tara, hunched over a fire, looking at the camera, caught like a deer in the headlights. TARA! That was definitely Tara holding a plant of boobed shaped pancakes.
"Tara" Dawn screamed, waving at the picture. "That is Tara! Where is she?"
Her two women looked at her oddly. Dawn was shaking with excitement. To those in the circle, she almost looked possessed. They had never seen her react this way.
"Uh, no that is Terri. She is Betsy's sister.." Answered the owner of the pictures.
"Where is Betsy? Where does she live? Where can I find her? That is Tara." Dawn was trying to fight the urge to shake the information from this woman. "Who is Betsy?"
"Dawn, you have got to calm down. Who do you think this person is? An ex-girlfriend." Asked Kathy's friend.
"Ew, no, she- she- she's a dear friend. She was there when my mother died and when my sister di- disappeared. She helped raise me. That is Tara. I need to see Tara. She used to make me funny shaped pancakes. She used to take care of me and then she disappeared. Please tell me how I can find her!"
"Let me call Amy and see what she thinks. Dawn, I am not making any promises. I do not want to be stalking these people. After all, they are in graduate school." reprimanded Kathy as she took out her phone and began to dial.
***********
Kathy was surprised at Amy's reaction. Amy quickly called Becky's and talked to her girlfriend,Julie. With in five minutes, Kathy was handing over her phone to Dawn to talk to Julie,. The conversation was brief. "Are you sure you know her? Where? When? Can you meet me in three hours. Good, see you then."
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Dawn picked up the phone on the first ring. Buffy was finally calling back.
"Hey brat, where's the fire?" Buffy asked affectionally as she set her stuff down and began to wander around the kitchen.
"Uh, Buffy, I need you to come out here as soon as you can. It is urgent."
"Dawn, what's going on." The slayer's voice was full of concern. Her sister was tough. She rarely called for help. They worked together as a team now. Her sister was not one to panic.
"If I didn't tell you, would that get you here faster?" Dawn asked.
There was a growl of frustration on the other end of the phone and the response to her question was. "Probably, but it would also put a hell of a lot of strain on this heart. Please tell me what is going on."
"Buffy, are you sitting down because this is big."
"Dawn!"
"Okay, I was at the Gay/ Lesbian advocacy meeting today and..."
"Dawn, you know that I just want you to be happy - gay, straight, bi, demon-loving - I have seen it all and what matters to me is that you are safe and happy."
:"No, let me finish, I was at the meeting and one of the girls was passing out pictures of her weekend." Dawn could here Buffy eagerness to get to the point. "And one of the pictures was of Tara."
There was silence over the line. Dawn could hear a chair pulled out and the creak of Buffy's weight meeting the chair. She held her breath as she waited for her sisters response. There was more she had to tell but she had to let her news sink in. So she silently waited for her sister to respond. It finally came out as a whisper, "are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Well, did she look happy?" Dawn was thrown by that question. She never considered Tara's happiness. All she thought about was seeing her again.
"Um, well, no. She looks older and tired. Her hair was shorter. I think she even had a tan which is weird since she was the goddess of the sun screen." Dawn felt that these things were not relevant. "Buffy, she is here on the East Coast."
"Well, it's good to know she is alive but why do you want me to come out there?"
"To see her of course. She needs to see her family. Remember, we are her family."
"Dawn, she left us." That response from Buffy threw Dawn. She expected Buffy on the first plane out east to get her friend.
"Buffy there is so much more." Dawn began to plead.
"No, I do not need to hear more. It is good to know that she is alive but if she wanted to see us, she would have called. We haven't moved. Our phone number hasn't changed. We always thought something happened to her but now we know, she left. She just left. She didn't care about the hole she left. She didn't care about how worried we were. She didn't care about anything. She's alive and that is good but now all I can feel is anger. Dawn, she left us."
At that moment, Dawn saw here sister in a different light. For the first time, she realized how fragile her sister was. For the first time she realized how much this woman cared. She was able to deal with vampires and demons, they didn't hurt her as much as people. The news that she had just given Buffy added up to one more person who she felt abandoned by. But that was not the truth and Dawn began to tell her the rest. "Um, Buffy, there is more. You see, she goes by the name Terri. She goes by the name Terri because she does not remember her real name. She doesn't know who she is. Buffy, she is still lost."
"Oh, um, Dawn give me a couple of days and I will be out there. We won't tell Willow until we know more. For now, please tell me what you know."
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Thank's for the great response. I wasn't expecting it. I am still struggling with the set up. I hope this is making sense. I probably need a beta reader. So any feedback is recieved with gratitude.
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Part 2
"You told her what? You told her about Terri. What if she is who Terri was running away from. What if she is one of the people who hurt Terri. How could you tell her about us, about Terri, How could you betray her?"
"Betsy, she is not an abuser. She is not a scary person. She is a college student. She is just 21. She knew Terri when she was in high school. She knew her as Tara, her sister's best friend's girlfriend. She lived with her for about six months. She told me how Tara used to make her funny shaped pancakes in the morning and insist that she eat healthy. She told me how when she first met Tara, she was so shy and that she stuttered badly. She remembered her telling these off the wall jokes that only her girlfriend understood. I only heard love and admiration and pain and hope from Dawn."
Julie watched her girl friend pace around the kitchen. It was late, she had waited up for her girlfriend to come home from the hospital. She had had dinner with Terri earlier, laughed and tried to act normal. She didn't say anything about her trip to Pennsylvania that afternoon. After dinner, she called about couple of people trying to track down the notes from the afternoon class she missed. She tried to keep busy until her love would come home.
While she waited for Betsy's long day at the hospital to end, Julie kept checking the web page that Dawn had given shown her. There was a picture of Tara McClay, the woman she had know as Terri. Dawn explained that Willow had set it up in hopes that someone would see it. It was a montage of pictures of Tara with a red head. That must have been Willow. There were pictures where Tara was looking at Willow with love and there was one picture where she was looking at Willow with lust. That was odd, in the four years that she had know Terri, she had never seen her that overtly sexual. There were other pictures of Tara with Dawn and a blond haired woman. Some of the pictures were serious and some were silly. There were other pictures with a man and a woman. There was one with her and a cat. There were at least twenty pictures linked to this page. Jamie saw a smile on this woman's face that she had only rarely seen on Terri. She kept looking at these pictures and she could not help but feel that she only knew a ghost of this woman who had been a part of her life for the past four years. After hearing about Tara from Dawn and looking at this web page, she was convinced that Tara McClay was Terri. Now she had to convince Betsy.
That was going to be the hard part because Terri had become so significant in her lover's life. Betsy had met Terri while she was in her third year of medical school at the University of Arizona. She was doing her psychiatric rotation at the hospital. Terri was the easiest patient on the wing. She had been suffering from amnesia that they believed to be a result of traumatic stress disorder. Initially, she had been brought into the hospital after being the passenger in a car accident. The driver had died and she did not remember how she had gotten into the car or who the driver was. She remembered nothing and she had no identification. She was registered as a Jane Doe.
Over the next six months, the staff began to call her Terri because one of the few memories she had was of a woman comforting her and calling her "Tarebear" and telling her that there was no reason to be afraid. But there must have been something to be afraid of because her body still bore the signs of scars that often signify child abuse. She always seemed to be on edge. She jumped when she heard shouting, she tended to back into corners when she thought someone was being aggressive towards her. She showed all the signs of someone who had been abused and the doctors believed that the memories were locked away in her mind.
They didn't really have any other hints to who she was. They suspected that she had studied computers. Not because she remembered them but because one time, they found her hugging a laptop, rocking her self back and forth seeking comfort. She loved horses and when she was taken out of the hospital, the barn and paddock was the only place where they saw her stand up straight.
When Betsy met Terri, she was still coping with the death of her younger sister, Carrie who had died of leukemia. She was not really interested in this psychiatric rotation, she was looking forward to eventually getting into oncology. She was not looking to connect with any of the patients. Her goal was to get through school, move back to Maryland and start her residency. She didn't expect to be so drawn to Terri. It wasn't so much that Terri reminded her of Carrie but that she was able to cope with what ever pain she was experiencing. She was able to do what Betsy couldn't. She was able to put it behind her, even if she this by forgetting it.
The hospital staff loved Terri but they didn't know what to do with her. She was able to take care of herself and she didn't belong in the hospital. They had discussed sending her to a residential living facility but it seemed unnecessary. What Terri needed was a place to stay as she slowly rebuilt her life. Betsy was shocked to hear herself offer to allow Terri to stay with her but it felt right. It felt like the first positive thing she had done since Carrie had died. It felt like it was the first time she was thinking of someone else since Carrie's death.
At first, Terri continued to work as an outpatient at the hospital. They helped her establish an identity. Terri Stevens was born. Stevens was one of the names that struck her as familiar. It took some legal work but she eventually got a social security number and was able to get a job. Her first job was in the mail room of the hospital. Everyone knew that she was way over qualified for this job but they didn't know what skills she had. She was still painfully shy. The less people she came into contact with, the easier it was for her. So she was able to lose her self in the mail room. When a year had passed and Betsy graduated from school, Terri moved with Betsy to Maryland. Julie was already there, having started her Phd in counseling the year before.
In the four short years, Terri became a sister to both Julie and Betsy. She slowly started to relax around them. Her natural role of caretaker began to assert herself. She kept the house going as her two overworked roommates. They depended on her to listen with love and without judgment. She moved from being a needy lost young woman to a confidant and trusted partner in the house. And now, Julie had to tell Betsy that the woman who had become a part of there family had another family looking for her.
"Look at this picture. Look at that smile. That is Tara McClay. Look at her." Terri said as she shoved her lap top across the table after Betsy finally stopped pacing and sat down. "It's not Terri, it is Tara. A woman with a family on the other side of the country. A woman who has a lover who continues to support this site, even after five year. Our Terri hasn't looked at a woman in five years like she is looking at the red head. Our Terri hasn't laughed like she is laughing in this picture. Our Terri continues to live half a life. Here is the other half."
Silence fell over the room. Julie watched her beloved slump over the computer, she wanted to walk around the table and wrap her arms around her but she didn't know if it was her right. After all, she was the one who was insisting on this bad news. She was the one who was insisting that they not ignore this revelation. She was the one following up on it. She was the one who introduced Betsy to this painful truth. So she sat and studied her lover, waiting for a sign of what she was supposed to do. She just waited.
"What do we do now?" This whispered question shattered the silence.
Wow, this feedback is overwhelming. Thank you. I was not expecting this to make much sense. Thanks for your comments. Your feedback has encouraged me to write even faster than usual. But now, I am going to have to put this story aside for a couple of days. It will still be developed in my head, I just won't be able to get to the computer. I feel guilty for taking so long to get to Willow and Tara. I promise, the next update will have Tara. As for how long this story is going to be dragged out, I am not sure.
Again, thank you all for taking the time to respond. You really are too kind.
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Part 3
It was 5:45 when Buffy's plane finally landed at Dulles Airport. It was 6:30 before Dawn and Buffy finally inched onto 495 headed toward Rockville. They were on their way to meet Betsy and Julie. Dawn had thought that they could reach the restaurant in Rockville by 7:00. She and Julie had agreed that it was a good place to initially meet.. Now it looked as if they would be lucky to make it to the restaurant by 7:30. Dawn was experiencing so many different emotions. She was anxious about driving her roommate's car in the rain and traffic. She was relieved to have Buffy with her. She was excited about getting closer to seeing Tara and she was afraid of doing that would hurt or scare Tara.
Buffy was full of nervous energy. It was odd to have her little sister guide her around and be the expert of the area. She felt extremely out of place and far from home. She had spent the past day and half finding substitute teachers for her class. She had to arrange with her neighbor to take care of Miss Kitty. She had to convince Xander and Anya to patrol together. The vamp count had been low but she still needed someone to keep an eye on things while she was gone. She had done some extra slaying before she left. She hit to small nests hoping that would keep things calm while she was away. She had barely slept in the last two days.. But as tired as she was, she could not just relax.
Buffy had learned to expect the worse. She sat in the passenger seat struggling with the feeling of being out of control. To break her train of thought, she broke the silence. "I talked toWillow last night. She is jealous of this spontaneous visit and wants to meet us here this weekend. She thinks she can wrap things up in Orlando by Saturday morning. I didn't know what to tell her. I wasn't sure if she should even come here. Dawn, what the hell are we going to do?"
"I don't know. Hopefully by this weekend, we will have a better idea of what to do. Buff, what if she doesn't remember us. What if she does remember us and has been hiding from us. What if she hates us..."
"I don't know. I am also scared. My stomach has been doing flips since you told me about the picture. It was so hard not to tell Will. I felt like I was lying to her but what could I say. She has been through so much. We need to make sure of everything first. I can not see her hurt again."
"Wouldn't it be great though. Maybe she will remember us and want to come home. Maybe she has been waiting for us to find her."
"We can only hope. We can only hope. " But Buffy knew that things for them never work out that way. People usually end up leaving her. She felt her spirits begin to sink. Rather than allow herself to get lost in negative thoughts, Buffy searched for more conversation topics. "So, um, do they have many vampires here?"
"Well there are not many where I am but Buffy I am sure that there are plenty here. After all, we are in the nations capital. Think of all the politicians. Remember the mayor. I bet senators are much worse."
"Yeah, I bet they are pretty scary. So do you carry your holy water squirt gun with you?" And the conversation for the rest of the trip to the restaurant covered Dawn's need to be safe, her study habits and her life at college.
When the reached the restaurant 45 minutes late, Dawn and Julie greeted each other as if they were the long lost friends. They hugged each other warmly. Buffy and Betsy stood back and suspiciously watched each other. They stiffly shook hands when they were introduced and the first Terri/Tara summit began.
"So, how was your flight?" Julie asked politely. "Were you able to find this restaurant okay?"
"The flight was fine." Buffy stated.
Seeing her sister's stiffness, Dawn tried to cover for her sister. "Everything was fine until we got on the road out of Dulles. I was surprised that the traffic was still so heavy after 6:00 PM. I really thought we were going to drive against it but I was wrong. I am sorry we kept you to waiting so long."
Seeing that her girlfriend and Dawn's sister were scowling at each other and barely listening to the conversation, Julie continued the conversation. "Don't worry about it. Betsy and I barely get much time just to sit in a restaurant and talk. So we took advantage of this time. It was actually a nice treat."
"Yeah, I guess your schedules are pretty hectic. Buffy, did you know that Betsy is a Doctor and Julie is studying for her Phd in Psychology . Hey Jul, have you ever heard of Professor Maggie Walsh's work in your studies. Buffy took her at UC Sunnydale?"
Buffy shook her head as if she heard what her sister said and Julie shrugged her shoulders and answered, "Nope. What was her specialty."
"Abnormal Psychology," answered Buffy without breaking her stare battle with Betsy.
Fed up with the behavior of her girlfriend and Buffy, Julie sighed and said, "Okay, I figure we can just cut Terri in half and we do not even need to talk try and settle things."
"What?"
"Julie!" Betsy finally broke her stare to look at her girlfriend in shock.
"Well, now that we have you attention, would you two stop this macho stare contest. Could we please talk about what is going on. I have sat here for ten minutes and I have come to two conclusions. One, you two are both looking at the other person like she is a threat and two, you are doing this because you each love and care about Ter. And yes, that is what we are going to call her during this conversation. So please tell us everything you know and we will do the same."
"Thank you Julie, since my sister has left her manners in California, I want to again apologize for being late. And I want to thank you for caring for and loving one of the dearest people I know. Now, what can we tell you about Tar?"
"How is she?" It killed Buffy to have to ask these two strangers how someone she had considered family was. It shamed her that she had not taken better care of her dear friend.
Over the next hour, much was revealed about the woman that they all loved. Julie and Betsy learned about how Tara met Willow at the campus Wiccan group. Buffy and Dawn learned that in addition to working as an assistant stable manager, Tara had part-time job at a whole food store and was thinking of going to school for holistic healing. Julie and Betsy learned how Tara came to live in the Summer's house. Buffy and Dawn learned about how Tara started to live with Julie and Betsy.
In the midst of a conversation lull, Julie asked her first question of the evening. "Who abused Tara?"
Buffy and Dawn looked at each other sadly, not really sure of the full answer. Finally, Buffy tried to explain. "She never talked of abuse but I believe her father and brother were responsible. They had definitely abused her mentally. I don't know if it began before or after her mother's death. She died when Tara was 17. We didn't meet Tara until she was 19. We met her father and brother. They were asses."
"She acted as if she was abused when she was in the hospital. She sat in the corner, always in the corner. She talked about demons and monsters. Sometimes she would just hold her head and rock back and forth. She was afraid of her own shadow. Nothing would comfort her when she would start to cry. She would cry for hours, silently, never making any noise."
"Tara never made a lot of noise. She was always quiet. Even when she was angry, she was quiet I used to suspect that she wore chuncky shoes and combat boots just so that she would make some noise. I never saw her cry either. I saw her eyes filled with tears, but cry, weep... no, never. Dawn, did you ever see her cry?"
"No, I never saw her cry. I rarely even heard her raise her voice. Please, tell me more about Tara. I miss her so much." Dawn turned to face Betsy as she pleaded her case. She wanted this woman to understand how important Tara was to her.
It was this girl, a year or two younger than her sister that finally broke through the shell that Betsy had built up for this meeting. It was Dawn's sincere feelings that finally made Betsy realize that she could not keep Terri to herself. These people were not here to hurt her friend. They were here to help. They needed to find their friend as badly as Julie need to protect her. And now they were going to have to find a way to both together.
"Okay, how are we going to introduce you all to Terri. How are we going to explain this all to her?"
For the next hour, the four women sat around the table making plans. They argued about what was best for her. Whether they should first meet Terri and see if she remembered them or if the should prepare Terri for the meeting. Finally, they agreed that Julie and Betsy would tell Terri about Dawn and Buffy. Then they would arrange a meeting. It was going to depend on how Terri responded.
To be continued...
Thanks for all your wonderful comments and encouragement. It has been a long day but I am going to try to plug out another chapter.
For those wondering about the DC details, I went to college really close to DC and worked there for a while. I love the area and some day soon, I want to got back there. So fic is semi therapeutic. I never thought I would miss being stuck in 495 traffic.
As for the questions about where I am going with this fiction, I am just not sure. It will end in a happy reunion of course but I am just not sure how distant or near we are to the reunion. But aren't we supposed to enjoy the journey as much as the destination. Wise words I need to live by but so often fail.
Okay, enough with my poetic waxing and on with the story.
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"Would you just pick one or two shows to watch. You are driving me crazy with the constnat switching!" whined Julie as she impatiently sat beside her girlfriend waiting for Terri to get home.
"The way I watched television never bothered you before."
"Yeah, I never had to sit and wait for my best friend to come home so I could tell her that her family is here to take her home either." Julie quickly stood up, crossed the room, pulled curtain and look to see if Terri's car had pulled up into the drive way. She let a frustrated breath, whipped around to face her girlfriend and put her hands on her hips. "What are we doing? What if she doesn't want to know the truth. What if she doesn't want to remember. She seems happy, doesn't she?"
Betsy pushed herself up from her lounging position on the couch and went over to her girlfriend. She placed her hands on Julie's shoulders and looked her girlfriend in the eyes. "Juls, I know you are just nervous and that is why we are doing the whole role reversal. I know it's my turn to explain why we are doing this and justify why this is the right thing but I am just not as good at explaining it as you. You were the one who convinced me that we had to tell her. We have to. She deserves to know who she is. We know that her friends had nothing to do with her losing her memory. She has a family and she deserves to know them. This is killing me. My heart is breaking already. Damn, I feel as if we are caught in that television movie with that girl who discovers that she was kidnaped and her parents aren't really her parents. You remember, that milk carton movie."
"Yeah but this isn't a movie of the week, it's our family."
"I know and Terri is not just a one dimensional character. She doesn't belong to us. We have to tell her, its going to be okay. We are here for her. Okay?"
Before Julie could answer, the back door was opened and abruptly slammed. They heard keys tossed on the counter, and some unidentifiable noise in the kitchen. Then the basement door was opened and slammed. They saw Terri coming down the hall, trying to avoid the downstair windows. She was dressed in a t-shirt and her underwear. She froze when she saw the unexpected sight of her roommates standing in living room, appearing to have been caught in a private moment. They both looked at her with puzzled expressions on her face. Before they could even open there mouths, Terri held up her hand, shook her head and said, "You just do not want to know about my day. You do not even want to imagine what I fell in. Avoid the basement until I can do some laundry tomorrow. I am going upstairs to take a long bath and then I am going crawl into bed and forget about this day!"
Betsy and Julie looked at each other with panic stricken faces. "No Terri, you can't go to bed. We need to talk to you."
"I'm sorry but its been a horrible day, can't we talk tomorrow?"
Julie looked at Betsy and shrugged. With her facial expression, she suggested that they wait until the next day. Her girlfriend was not going to put off the conversation. When Betsy made up her mind to do something, she did it. There would be no peace in the house until she told Terri the news that frightened her so much. With a stern, urgent voice, one that might be used when talking to a child, Betsy stated, "No it ca not wait. We must talk to you tonight."
Julie was surprised to how pale this statement made Terri. It reminded her how fragile was her friend's confidence. She tried to sooth the frightened look that Terri wore. "Sweetie, it is fine. We do have to talk to you about something we found but it has waited this long. It can wait until you have had a nice long shower. I'll make us some tea and we can sit down and talk. Okay?"
"Um, okay, sssssssure." As Terri stuttered through a response, her roommates shift uncomfortably from foot to foot. The fact that this interaction had frightened their friend was evident in her hunched shoulders and hesitancy to leave. She slowly climbed the steps.
Julie waited for a couple of minutes. After waiting for the shower to start, she turned back to her girlfriend with a scowl. "Damn, could you have been more demanding? Why does everything have to be on your schedule, your plan. To hell with the other person's state of mind. Is that how you break the ice when you deliver bad news to patients. That is some bedside manner!"
Betsy stared at her girlfriend in shock. Her mouth opened and shut a couple of times. She felt as if she had been kicked in the stomach. Sure, she could be overly focused and task oreinted but she never want to be described as cold. Her sister's doctor had been so cold, clinical and controlling when he gave the results. She never wanted to be like that. Julie knew that being like that doctor was a fear of hers. Maybe her tone with Tara was to intense but she knew that her girlfriend was a procrastinator and tried to delay the more difficult tasks of life. Julie hated conflict and would do just about anything to avoid it. She was naturally a peacemaker. The fact that Julie was anxious about the conversation that they were going to have caused her to lash out. Betsy knew that this was the case but still, she was really hurt by her girlfriends comments. She had just been herself. Exhausted, Betsy flopped back down on the couch and picked up the remote control.
Julie turned on her heel and headed towards the kitchen to make tea. She was completely in the wrong. It was so typical of her to try and delay the conversations. As soon as she saw an escape from and unpleasant situation, she headed for it. That was what she was ready to do with the conversation with Terri. And because she had tried to avoid the conversation, and that put Betsy in the position where she had to insist on the conversations. She and partner each had their strengths. Betsy had drive, discipline and intelligence and she had tact and sensitivity. That was why they were so good for each other. So as a result of her actions, not only was she scared but she was also feeling guilty.
Upstairs, Terri stood under the shower trying to wash the day off. It had been such a bad day and it felt so good to get home. Well it had felt good until she got through the kitchen, now she just felt scared. Something was going on with Betsy and Julie. They seemed close enough when she saw them in the living room but then Betsy insisted that the three of them talk. Now the entire house suddenly felt weighed down by tension.
As she showered, Terri began wondering about what was so urgent that they had to talk that night. Did she do anything that would make them mad? She reviewed the last couple of weeks but could not think of anything. Maybe they had decided that they wanted to live alone. What if they were moving? The idea of losing the only family that she had was most frightening thing she could imagine. What would she do? Could she be alone?
At that moment, standing under a steaming hot shower, Terri realized how little she had added to her life since she woke up in the hospital. Sure she had a pseudo identity, a name that never quite fit her, a home that wasn't really her home. A family that wasn't really her family. She had no doubt that Julie and Betsy loved her. They showed it to her in so many ways but they had there own lives. They had no responsibilty to her. She didn't want to be a burden on them. She had two jobs that over used her and under paid her. She had friends but they were people she knew through Julie and Betsy. She had never dated. There had been guys at work who asked her out. There had been women who hinted at going out but she was never interested. She wondered if she had lost the ability to be intimate with someone when she suffered her head injury. She often wondered what she had lost after the accident. Who had she been?
Terri was constantly learning new things about herself. She became aware of that she was abnormally perceptive. She could sense other peoples feelings by just focusing on them. Sometimes, she would walk into a room and without even looking at someone, she could sense the other person's emotions. At first, she thought this was normal but soon, she became aware that her empathy was unique. She wondered if she had always been extra sensitive or was it because she was learning everything again and she just didn't take peoples emotions for granted. Tonight, her instincts senses were shouting at her as she stood under the shower. She knew that the conversation she was about to have with Julie and Betsy was going to change her life. And she knew that she could not put it off any longer. She got of the shower and began to dry off.
Usually, she was very deliberate in her bedtime rituals. Usually she would take time to put on lotion and moisturizer. Usually she would take her time in the steamy air just enjoying the end of the day. Tonight, she rushed. Tonight, she put on sweats and a t-shirt rather than her satin pajama top. It was going to be a long night. She wanted to go straight to her room and crawl into her bed but she knew she couldn't. She stood up straight, squared her shoulders and headed down the stairs.
More to come...
Okay, I promised the Tara conversation and then realized that I still had to spend a little time with Buffy and Dawn. But I am a woman of my word so here is a double post, to keep the integrity of the story and my promise to you all. Again, thanks for your feedback. It does become kind of addicting.
**********************
"They promised to call us after they talked to her. So that should be any minute now. If she is willing, we are going to meet with her tomorrow. She has the day off and Dawn does not have any Friday classes so we are going to meet around lunch.."
"Great and you will call me. Maybe you can just keep the cell phone all day. Then I could talk to her and be a part of the conversation. If she remembers anyone, it would me. After all, I was her best non-orgasm giving friend. We were in the psycho pep squad together. She is still my made of honor even though the wedding never went through. I have rights. I should have been told. I would have closed the shop. You know how important she was, I mean IS to me. She was the only one who would sit and listen to me talk about money and how angry I was at that person who's name I don't like to say but am still going out to patrol with in an hour. She was the one who listened to my dreams of starting chain stores. She even..."
Anya talked on but Buffy held the phone away from her ear and rolled her eyes at her sister. She had known that she was going to get an earful but she had expected Anya to be upset over the closing of the self-defense studio for at least week. Anya was the only one who could inform her students and she knew that would be a hassle. But the closed studio and the loss of income ws not the issue that had upset her business partner; Anya was upset to be left out of the loop. Buffy put her ear back to the phone in time to hear Anay say, "... After all, I didn't erase her memory two times. I didn't turn my back on our relationship so that I can do black magic. Even when I was reconsidering my career as a vengeance demon, I kept talking to Tara. Why does Willow get involved but..."
"Enough!" Buffy sharply spoke into the phone. She knew that once Anya started on her a Willow tirade, she might never stop. "We have to tell Willow. She has been miserable for the last five years. Sure, we have missed Tara terribly but we have gone on with our lives. You have the shop and Dave, Dawn has school and the hopes of possibly someday having a normal relationship, and I have the school and .... um... the school which has been really successful. Willow has been buried in work for the last five years. The only thing Willow has done since Tara disappeared has been to subsist. For the last five years, she has been like how I was when you guys first resurrected me. There has been no joy for her. She sticks around out of responsibility but she is only half there. Maybe now she has another chance. You know that she deserves it."
The other line was silent for a moment, Buffy could only hear Anya breath. "Your right. It would be good to have them back together. It would be good to have us all back together. I don't just miss Tara, I miss Willow, even when she is in the same room. So, what's the plan?"
"As I said before, Julie and Betsy should be telling her about us right now. If she takes it okay, we are going to meet Julie and Tara for lunch tomorrow. Betsy, the doctor has to work. We gave them some pictures to show Tara. We had different ones of all of us. Julie wanted Tara to have some time to adjust to the news. She said that it was possible but not likely that Tara will remember things right away."
"I should be there to test for witchcraft. Maybe she is under a spell and that is why she can not remember anything." Anya's mind was turning as she was thinking of the different ways that Tara could have lost her memory. She had felt guilty for having avoided everyone after the wedding. Maybe if she had spent more time with Tara, she would have been able to protect her better. "Buffy, I could still fly out there."
"Anya, I appreciate the offer but can we just wait to see what happens tonight and tomorrow. I promise to call you and let you know how things go. We are going to have our hands full with Willow. I just don't know how she will react when we give her the news.:
"Alright, I will wait but I am not happy about it. Do you want me to tell Xander what is happening? He should be here in about an hour so we can go patrol."
"Yes please. I was going to call him after I talked to you but if you can tell that would make things easier. Tell him he can call with any questions that he might have. Thanks for taking care of everything at home."
"No problem. I am glad I can help. Buffy, good luck. Give Dawn a hug for me and when you see Tara, please tell her that I love and miss her very much. I need to calm down. I guess I will go count my money." And with that, the ex-demon hung up the phone.
Buffy turned from the phone and faced her sister. "That was probably the most normal conversation I have ever had with Anya. She didn't mention evisceration once. I believe our ex-demon is really getting good with this human stuff."
"Well, it's only been almost nine years. We probably should have a big party for her when she celebrates her 10th year." Dawn's smile began to fade as she thought of less pleasant anniversaries that they were during the late winter and spring. "Buffy, it has been five years since we saw Tara. Do you think we will be blessed enough to get our friend back?"
Buffy sat down on the bed next to her little sister and began to play with her hair. "I do believe we will get her. This time, we are not resurrecting the dead. This time, we are not trying to alter the forces of nature or fate. This time, we are going to see a friend who has been lost. People get lost."
"But what if she still doesn't remember us. What if we bring back only the bad memories. The memories of her being attacked by Glory and hurt by Willow. What if she looks at us and says, I don't want to know who you people are?"
"I have considered all those possibilities and you know what, little sister? If she remembers, then that means she will remember us. We helped her face her fears before and we can do it again. And if she doesn't remember us, that does not mean she has changed. You heard all the things Julie and Betsy said. Terri is still basically Tara. We did not love her for her memories. We loved her because she was family to us. She took care and loved us. And we took care and loved her. Whether she needs us or not, she needs to know us. Okay?"
"Yes but you realize you are going to have to give that speech to me about twenty times tomorrow."
"Well, remember it because you may have to give it to me also."
"That's a deal."
*******************
From the living room, Besty heard the shower shut off. She stood up and stretched, trying to prepare herself for the conversation that was moments away. She walked over the the kitchen and watched her girlfriend standing at the stove staring at the tea pot. The room was so quiet but so loud with her girlfriends thoughts. Betsy was carefully spoke with love and affection. "Julie, we have to put aside whatever is happening with us right now and get ready to tell her the truth. You do the talking and I'll work on my silent but supportive girlfriend persona. It's a new thing that I am trying, I am hoping it will be more effective than my pushy, controlling side."
Looking at the one person who she needed at that moment, Julie immediately responded by crossing the room and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. She wondered how she had gotten so lucky to find the perfect woman for her and whispered "You are always what I need. Thank you."
"That's why we have each other. We will always have each other." Betsy hugged her lover tighter and rocked back and forth, finding comfort and peace in the embrace.
Tara stood uncomfortably in the doorway. Her roommates intimacy never bothered her, at times it made her long for that same type of intimacy. Tonight as she stood at the entrance of the kitchen, her heart ached over the scene. She was not sure where such emotions came from. Maybe she be sad because she knew that they were going to ask her to move out. She felt for her friends because she knew that they would feel bad about asking her to go. This must be so hard on them. She decided to cough softly so that they would know she was in the room. "I don't want to bother you two. We can talk tomorrow."
The two women looked up at there friend and then without breaking their embrace, they shuffled across the room to include Terri. They opened there arms and pulled there friend into the embrace. Julie spoke first. "Do you know how much we love you. Do you know how important you are to use. We love you, Terri!"
Terri, a little thrown but happy to be caught in this moment chose it to make things easier for her friends. "It's okay. I am prepared. I always knew that one of these days I would have to move out. I have stayed here for way to long. You two deserve to have the house to yourselves. You are a couple, you do not need to be sharing a house with me. I can start looking for apartments tomorrow. Maybe I can find one closer to the stable."
"What, why would you move out?" asked Betsy.
"Well, I know that you two wanted to talk to me and couldn't help but hear you say how much you were going to miss me. It's okay, really, it is probably time for me to be out on my own. I am just so grateful I have had this home for so long. But I can ..."
"Terri, we did need to talk to you but it is not about you moving out. This is YOUR home and we never want you to leave. If the time comes for us to move, we would want you to move with us. This is as much your home as it is either of ours. Okay?" This time it was Julie who spoke slowly, emphasizing each word.
"Really? Thanks. I don't know how I ever got so lucky to find you two." Terri hugged her friends, but as she pulled away her expression went from being relieved to perplexed. "Then what did you two want to talk to me about?"
"Um, could we sit down. Julie, is that tea ready? "
"Yeah, just pick a tea bag. The water is still steeping." She poured the steaming water into three mugs and handed them out. For the next couple of minutes, Julie and Betsy busied themselves with preparing there tea. Terri just sat and waited. Her deepest fear, her fear of being with out her family had been relieved. Something was definitely up but she knew that what ever it was, they were going to face it as a family.
Betsy turned and looked at her girlfriend, waiting for her to speak. Following her lead, Terri also turned to Julie. Julie opened her mouth to speak, shut it, opened it again, took a deep breath and finally asked. "Terri, does the name Tara McClay sound familiar to you?"
They watched there friend's face closely, looking for signs of understanding. Instead, they just saw confusion. "Tara McClay? Is that someone I should know?"
"You are Tara McClay." Julie couldn't believe she was being so blunt but she didn't want to test Terri's memory. She just wanted to give her the facts.
"Tara McClay. How did you find this out?"
"Do you remember that college kid who went camping with us last weekend? Well, she was showing pictures of the trip to one of her friends up at school and someone recognized you. Her name is Dawn Summers. I met with her Monday night. She told me that she knew you when you lived in Sunnydale, California. You were a junior at the university when you disappeared. Am I going to fast?"
Tara thought that Julie was going both too fast and too slow at the same time. She couldn't believe that after all these years, someone had finally recognized her. She tried the names in her head. Tara McClay from Sunnydale, California. It seemed odd, she would never have imagined living in California. It all sounded so foreign to her. Why didn't those names sound familiar?
She looked up at her friends and realized that they were waiting for a response. What could she tell them? Why did they look both hopeful and scared at the same time? "Could you just go on? If I start asking questions, I won't stop."
Betsy jumped into the conversation. "Julie went up to meet Dawn and learned that you had lived at the Summer's house for about six months. In the house, it was you, Dawn, her older sister Buffy and Willow."
"Wait a minute, I lived with people named Dawn, Buffy, and Willow. How could I forget those names, no matter how hard I was hit in the head!" Betsy and Julie snickered at this comment. They didn't want to admit that they had made fun of those names on there way to meet Buffy and Dawn. To them, the names reminded them of a Gidgit movie.
"Yes, you somehow forgot those names. Do you want to hear more. This is so much." Betsy didn't want to push her friend. They had told her enough but Terri immediately started nodding, ready for more. "Okay, what else did we learn. Um, well, when you first started hanging out with them, you were very shy and you stuttered. As you continued to spend time with them, the stuttering went a way. Here is a picture. That is Dawn, you, Willow and Buffy. That was taken at Buffy's birthday party, it was about a month or two before you disappeared."
Tara looked at the picture. They appeared nice enough. She was smiling and looked happy. The picture didn't trigger any memory. She looked at it and the image of herself was of a stranger. "How did I meet them?"
"Well, apparently you and Willow became friends through a campus Wicca group." Julie held back from explaining that Willow was her girlfriend. They had agreed that they would not try to force Terri into the patterns of old relationships. She would only meet them as friends. "Oh, yeah, you're astrological sign is Scorpio. You are now 26 years old. You were studying Art Therapy..."
"I was a witch? I'm a Scorpio? I'm old? Damn, I was hoping I was 24. Wait, I WAS A WITCH?"
"That is what they told us. We also learned that you were always extremely sensitive. You were able to sense people's feelings very quickly. You took very good care of Dawn. She was just a teenager and her mother had died. You made sure she that she ate healthy and did her homework. Even after you moved out, you kept a very close eye on her. She loves you like a sister."
"What about my family?"
Betsy and Julie looked at each other with concern. Julie leaned over and said, " The truth is that they are your family."
"No, what about my parents?"
"Apparently, You had run away from home to go to college. You supported yourself on a scholarship. Your father and brother, Donnie came to take you home when you were about to turn twenty. Your friends wouldn't let them take you against your will. Because you refused to leave school and your friends, your father basically disowned you."Julie hoped that the harsh truth would satisfy Tara but it did not.
"What about my mother?"
"You mother was a wonderful, kind, caring woman. We know that because that is what kind of woman you are." Betsy could see that Tara had caught her using the past tense so she continued. "She died when you were seventeen. We really do not know anything else. I'm sorry."
Tara put her head down in her arms. Julie and Betsy wondered if this last bit of news had finally brought there friend's memory back or if this was all too much. They each reached across the table and placed a hand on Tara's shoulder. The were startled as Tara quickly sat up, brushing there hands off. "Why can't I remember? What happened? I have always wanted to know who I was. I always thought just knowing my real name would bring back the memories. Why can't I remember? I look at this picture and see strangers. Julie, Betsy, what is wrong with my head. Why can't I remember?"
"Honey, we don't know why. It is so complex. It.."
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to put you on the spot. I have heard all the promises. That maybe one day I will look at a bird and remember. So I look at ever bird I see. I have heard that one day I will hear a song and remember, so I constantly listen to the radio. Or one day I will see a picture and remember, so I look at every picture. I search every face I see. Now, I look at these pictures and can remember nothing. I have heard all the maybe's and I am beginning to realize that I will never remember."
"Your right, you may never remember."
"BETSY!"
"No Julie, it is the truth. I may never remember."
"Right, Terri may never regain her memory but we did not tell her about Dawn and everyone to just help her remember. Ter, we told you because we want you to have options. We want you to know that there are people out there who are still looking for you. There are people out there who are missing you. Buffy flew out here yesterday so that she could possibly see you. What I have learned and heard in the last three days is that we were not the first persons to discover you. Ter, you are loved, not just by us but by these people from California. They would like to see you. How would you feel about that?"
"When?"
"They would like to meet you tomorrow for lunch. I have taken the day off so I can go with you. How would you feel about going?"
"Feel, feel... I feel scared, excited, nervous, sick to my stomach. But I can not not go."
"Good. I will be with you the whole time. Okay? And Terri, I still think those memories are somewhere in your head. I still think you will remember what you need to. Just look at the name you chose. Did you know that Stevens is the name of Dorm that you lived in for your first two years of college. I don't think you just chose that name as a coincidence. I believe that you have to trust your instincts. And you had better remember that we are there for you at all times. Okay?"
"Okay."
"So, do you want to talk some more?"
"No thanks, I just want to just have another cup of tea. You two should go to bed, its okay. Really. I am fine."
"Okay, good night." Julie stood up and hugged her friend. Betsy followed suit and the two head out the door. But then Betsy stopped and turned around and asked, "Do you want us to call you Tara?"
Her friend's consideration made her smile and she shook her head and said, "No, to you , I will always be Terri."
"If you ever change your mind, you just let us know."
"Thanks and good night." Tara continue to sit at the table. She looked at the picture and the people in the picture. Buffy, Willow, and Dawn. She reached for a peace of paper and a pen and sat and wrote out all their names. Dawn Summers. Buffy Summers. Willow? Tara McClay. No bells went off in her head and she decided to take that as a positive sign. There could be two types of bells and one of them would be a warning bell. She was scared and confused but she knew that she was not in danger.
Edited by: xita 
at: 10/18/02 7:08:01 pm
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And I'm really looking forward to the big reunion...
Awesome... I hope they get Buffy back to that point on the show too 
