This is just a short piece I wrote a little while ago and I thought I would share it with you all. Tara is the only person of consequence in it, but I think you'll like where it ends up.
TITLE: Road to Entropy
AUTHOR: Kirk Baldridge
E-MAIL:
KirkBwriter@juno.comFEEDBACK: Yes, please. The more the better.
DISTRIBUTION: You want it? Take it. Just let me know where it is.
SPOILERS: Well, maybe if you haven't seen season 6 by now....but otherwise?
CONTENT: Just Tara.
RATING: PG
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters. If I did, I'd treat them better than...some people.
SUMMARY: Ever wonder what made Tara show up at Willow's door at the end of Entropy?
**
Tara Maclay sat at the window of her dorm room, staring off sadly into the darkness.
She had spent the afternoon with Willow. After coffee the redhead told her about some of the things Buffy had been through recently. It turned out the things she'd experienced personally--being locked in the house thanks to a vengeance demon's curse and the Slayer's hallucinating to the point of almost killing her friends--were just the latest in a long line of events that were bizarre, even by Sunnydale's standards.
Then out of the blue Anya showed up, apparently trying to find someone, anyone, to make her feel better about getting dumped by Xander. After she left the mood at their table changed. Willow kept bringing the conversation back to their going to dinner, going to a movie, just going out in general, and though she knew it hurt the redhead Tara excused herself and left. She was ready to deal with 'them' yet.
"Goddess, what am I going to do?" The blonde closed her eyes and lay her head back. Moments later she had to open them again as someone knocked on her door. She only had a couple of friends outside of the Scoobies, and she didn't think most of them knew where she lived now. "Kristen? Hi."
The other blonde was in her Psychology class, and also lived down the hall. They'd gotten to talking after class and discovered they had a number of common interested. Kristen knew about magic, about the fact it was real, at least, though she didn't practice and only barely understood that Tara did. The witch also suspected Kristen had a bit of a crush on her, but never said anything in case she was wrong.
"Hi, T. Can I come in?"
Tara blinked. "Oh." Her cheeks flushed. "I'm sorry. Yes. Come in, please."
"Thanks." Kritsen gazed around as she entered. "Whoa. Nice view. This is cooler than my room."
"You think so? They all kind of look the same to me?"
Kristen walked over to the desk and saw several photographs. Buffy and Dawn play-fighting on the beach. Anya in a heated discussion with Giles, over money, at the Magic Box while Xander looked on. And, the latest she had pulled out of a box. Her and Willow, holding hands and smiling for the camer. It was this last one Kristen picked up. "This is your ex, right?"
The witched nodded. "Willow."
"She's cute." Kristen put the picture down and shoved her hands in her pockets.
"Did you, uhm, need something?" Tara saw odd flucuations in her friend's aura, which was usually an indication of an elevated emotional state.
Kristen took a deep breath. "I was wondering, if you were busy tonight?"
"Not really. Why?"
"There's a party, at the Bronze. And I thought maybe, if you wanted, we could...you know, go."
Tara have one of the those quirky, half-smiles she was so well-known for. "You mean like a date?"
"No!" Kristen crossed her arms. "Well, yeah, kinda. Not really." She frowned. "I like you Tara. I think you know that already. But I'm not crazy." She glanced at the picture of her and Willow. "I know I don't have a chance. But I also know you've been moping around for weeks. A little fun will do you some good."
Tara didn't know what to say. She really wasn't in the mood for a party, but maybe Kristen was right. Sitting in a dark room, pining for her ex-girlfriend, was not a particularly healthy cliche. She still loved Willow and a part of her always would, but their break-up didn't mean she stopped having fun or friends. "Okay." She sighed. "Give me a few minutes to change clothes first?"
Kristen nodded. She stood there, expectantly, until Tara crossed her arms. "Oh. I guess you wanted me to leave the room, huh? Okay, sure. I'll be outside."
Tara shook her head and walked into the closet.
**
When they got to the Bronze, Tara discovered Kristen had neglected to mention a certain detail about the party they were attending.
It was LADIES NIGHT.
Literally.
There were nothing but women inside, including those serving drinks and playing music. A sign avove the stage explained the event was sponsored by the Lesbian Alliance.
Kristen shrugged her shoulders as Tara turned on her. "I thought it'd be good for you."
"To what? Hook up? That's not me."
"That's not it." Kristen touched her friend's shoulder. "What you had with Willow was long-term. Obviously it's not something you can just get past. But the problem is, you didn't just lose Willow, did you? You also lost your friends. The ones you met through her. You can't hang around them 'cause it might mean seeing her, so you don't have them to talk to. You need people who understand what you're going through. That's why I thought this would be good for you." She gestured toward the other women, all of whom were laughing and having a good time, able to dance close with and hold one another, even kiss freely, without fear of derision. "They do. Understand. Many of them have gone through the exact same thing."
Tara sighed. She knew that wasn't even remotely possible. She hadn't just broken up with her girlfriend. Willow had violated her mind, not once but twice. Perhaps she could have lived with the abuse of magic, but that betrayal coming on the heels of what Glory had done to her was just too much to accept. She had suffered years of abuse at the hands of her family and wasn't about to go through that again, especially not from the one person in all the world she had believed she could trust implicitely.
"Look, we can take off if you want," said Kristen. "But look around." She gestured again. "A lot of these women aren't even from UC Sunnydale. You don't have to try and hook up. You don't have to flirt or anything either. You can just hang out with other women who get where you're coming from." She smiled. "If you're lucky, maybe you will even find someone willing to listen to you cry about Willow."
Tara nodded. "That should be fun." She noticed her friend giving her the same kind of sad-eyed, puppy-dog look Willow always used to try and get her way, and while Kristen wasn't quite as good at it the trick still worked. "Oh all right. Since we're already here, I guess we can at least get a drink."
Kristen didn't stay with Tara for long. She was actually there looking for a good time, and within a few minutes had flirted her way up to quite a few women. Tara, who found herself alone at the bar, presumed her friend would probably be in one of their beds before the night was over.
"You want another soda?"
Tara raised her eyes to the pretty, raven-haired woman behind the bar. "What?"
"Your drink. It's empty. You want another?"
"Oh, uhm, sure." Tara sighed as she took the glass away. It was times like this she wished she drank. She'd heard alcohol could dull the pain. Not feeling anything would be good about now.
Someone sat down beside her. "Can I have a beer, please?"
The bartender nodded. "I need to see an ID." She handed Tara her drink. "There you go."
"Thanks." Tara glanced at the woman beside her, who was digging through her purse. She looked really sad. Not just her face, but her aura as well. She could practically feel her pain.
"Here." The woman showed the bartender an ID.
The bartender shook her head. "Sorry, kid. Wanna try again?"
"Give me a Coke," said the obviously young woman. She didn't seem surprised to have been caught.
"Coming up."
Tara got the feeling she had seen this woman somewhere. She cleared her throat. "Hi."
"Hey." The brunette didn't look up, and barely acknowledged Tara. "Look, um, don't take this the wrong way, but I'm really not in the mood, okay?"
"Mood?" Tara asked.
"You know, the game. My name, your name, your place or mine. I just wanted a drink."
Tara shook her head. "No, I didn't...can we start over?" She held out her hand. "Hi. My name's Tara."
"Gina." She clasped the blonde's hand. "Sorry if I kinda blew up at you."
"That's all right."
Gina looked around. "Are you here by yourself?"
"Well, I came with a friend," Tara replied. "But she's found some new company since then."
Gina nodded. "I know the feeling."
"What about you?" Tara asked. "Your date walk out on you?"
"Something like that. I'm just coming out of kind of a bad relationship."
Tara lowered her eyes. "Oh."
"You too, huh?"
"Something like that." Tara sighed. "Goddess. I loved her so much."
Gina arched an eyebrow. "Past tense?"
"No," said Tara. "Not really. That's part of the problem."
"I understand." Gina took her drink in hand. "You mind if I...vent, a little?" Tara shook her head. "The first time I ever saw Missi was on the beach. She was wearing this string bikini and when she rose up out of the water it took my breath away. She was drop-dead gorgeous."
"Willow," said Tara. "My ex? I first saw her at a Wicca meeting. I thought she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. She was smart and funny, and I knew I was out of my league. I mean, in my wildest imagination I never dreamed someone like her would want to be with someone like me."
"So what happened? If you don't mind my asking."
"I don't." Tara sighed. "And, I'm not sure. She just, I don't know, changed."
Gina nodded. "I know the feeling." She looked around. "This is going to sound like a line, and I swear to you it's not, but do you wanna go for a walk? I'm tired of having to tell to be heard."
"I'd like that," said Tara.
As the two of them left the bar a figure from the shadows followed.
**
Patrolling with the Scoobies had taught Tara some important things about Sunnydale. She knew which sections of the city were safest at night, and which ones to avoid, but she wasn't exactly walking around unprepared. In her purse she carried a couple of stakes and a bottle of holy water, just in case.
"You said you met...Willow, right?" Tara nodded, and Gina continued. "You met her at a Wicca meeting. So, are you like a witch or something?"
Tara wasn't ready to admit she could do actual magic, but she still nodded. "Or something."
Gina shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't mean it to come out stereotypical or anything. I think it's cool."
"Thanks."
"So, was it love at first sight for you guys?"
They had set down on a bench after getting some coffee. Tara sipped hers before answering.
"For me, yes. I saw her and my heart just stopped. I could barely breathe. It was almost like I was seeing for the first time, you know?" Gina nodded and Tara sighed. "But Willow...she had just ended a pretty serious, long-term relationship, with a guy no less. Even when we started getting closer, I think she hard a hard time with the idea of having feelings for another woman."
"Ah yes. SSG Syndrome. I know it well."
Tara cocked her head. "What?"
"SSG. Susi Straight Girl. It's what I call a previously straight girl who starts dating another woman. They're torn between the old and the new, and sometimes go crazy trying to decide." Gina shook her head. "Don't worry about it. You were saying?"
"Everything was going pretty good until Oz, Willow's ex, showed up one day."
Gina's face fell. "Damn."
"Out of the blue, he just popped back into Willow's life and tried to pick things up where he left off." Tara took a moment to collect her thoughts to figure out how to continue telling Gina the story without revealing Oz was a werewolf. "We got into a...disagreement, and he ended up having to take off again."
"Oh man. So what happened? Obviously everything turned out okay."
Tara nodded. "Willow came to my room. She...she told me she loved me. For the first time."
"Whoa. That's so romantic."
"How about you?" Tara asked. "What was it like for you and, umm...?"
"Missi," Gina replied. "Well, like I said, we first met on the beach. Actually we didn't meet so much as I looked up from the book I was reading to see this goddess rising out of the water. I thought I was dreaming. The sun was behind her and it made her red hair look like it was glowing."
Tara smiled. "Willow's a redhead too."
"Really? What are the odds?"
"Now I'm interrupting," said Tara. "Go on."
"Missi didn't even notice me. I could see she was there with another girl. But I couldn't help staring at her. The two of them got into a fight while I was watching and the other one took off, stranding her there. Missi started to cry so I offered her a ride home. When we got there she invited me in for a drink, to say thanks. It turned out she and the girl on the beach were just friends. Once I realized I wouldn't just be rebound girl I decided to go for it. I kissed her." Gina smirked. "We didn't get out of bed for two days."
Tara felt herself blushing and lowered her eyes. "I take it that wasn't your...first time?"
"With a girl?" Gina asked. "Or at all?"
"Either."
"No to both. My first time period was back in..." Gina frowned. "Geez, eighth grade. It was with this TA. Man, if she hadn't gotten fired for that who knows what would have happened."
"Have you always been interested in women?" Tara asked.
"For as long as I can remember. What about you?"
Tara nodded. "I never told my father. He was very a strict man. My mom knew."
"And Willow was your first?"
"Yes."
"First first?" Tara blushed, and Gina touched her arm. "Geez. No wonder you're so torn up." She sighed. "So, did she cheat on you or something?"
Tara shook her head. "No. Goddess it was nothing like that, she..." Again she hesitated. "It turned out she had an addiction and she...she couldn't control it."
"Oh. I'm sorry. Was it hard? Leaving her, I mean."
"The hardest thing I've ever done in my life." Tears welled up in Tara's eyes. "I-I miss her, so much."
Gina sighed and embraced the blonde, holding her until the sobs subsided. "Are you okay?"
Wiping her eyes, Tara nodded. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it. I am a Psychology major, after all. It comes with the territory."
Tara's eyes lit up. "That's where I've seen you before! Mr. Kenner's class."
"You go to UC Sunnydale?" Gina asked.
"Yes. I sit in the very back row though." Tara smiled. "Mr. Kenner's great, isn't he? So articulate."
Gina nodded. "I just wish I could have gotten Missi interested in school. We only got to spend part of the week together because of my class schedule."
"What happened between the two of you?" Tara asked. "Did you break up too?"
"Honestly, I'm not sure." Gina finished her coffee. "A week or so ago we got into a big fight and Missi stormed out. I couldn't find her for a couple of days and started to get worried. When she finally showed back up she was, I don't know, different somehow. She seemed distant, and angrier. She refused to come in and talk to me and got so loud our landlady threatened to evict us. Missi must've talked her out of calling the cops 'cause I haven't heard a peep out of her since. But Missi's been yelling more, and I hardly ever see her."
"Gina!"
Tara saw a wave of fear surge through the brunette's aura at the sound of her name. She covered it up quite well with her pasted-on smile, however. The witch glanced over her shoulder.
A steely-eyed, angry-looking redhead was approaching them from the dark mouth of a nearby alley.
Tara stepped back as the redhead lunged at Gina and grabbed her arms.
"Where have you been?"
Gina blinked. "Oww, you're hurting me. Missi, let go!" She twisted away. "Damn it."
"I told you to wait for me."
The brunette nodded. "I know. I was just..."
"Shut up!" Missi turned on Tara. "Who do you think you are, slut? Running around with my girlfriend? You have any idea what I'm gonna do to you?" With her back to Gina she changed. Her beautiful face turned into a hideous, demonic mockery of humanity, with smoldering gold eyes and sharp fangs.
Tara gasped. Gina's girlfriend had become a vampire and she didn't even know it.
"Missi! Leave her alone!" The brunette stepped forward. "We're not...she's just somebody I met at the Bronze. I was just talking to her. That's all." She grabbed Missi's arm and the redhead's face changed back before she could see it. "What the hell's gotten into you?"
Tara was even more confused. Why was Missi hiding it? Why didn't she just bite Gina already? Grateful for the distraction she reached into her purse to grab a bottle of holy water and a stake.
"You're mine, Gina. I told you. I can't stand the thought of anybody else touching you."
Gina shook her head. "She wasn't. I swear. I love you."
"I don't believe you!" Missi's body started to tremble and she clenched her fists. "You're lieing! I can smell it! I know you want her! You're thinking about her right now, aren't you?"
"Missi, what?"
The redhead roared and transformed, this time in front of Gina. She grabbed the struggling brunette and started to lean down toward her neck, then she heard Tara clear her throat.
"Excuse me."
"What, you wanna die first? Fine!" The vampire pushed Gina aside and lunged at Tara, only to receive a face full of holy water. She screamed and clapped her hands to her smoldering flesh.
Tara closed her eyes, mentally said an apology to both Gina and Missi, and thrust the stake as hard as she could into the redhead's heart. She didn't open them again until she heard the unmistakable, and indescribable, sound of a vampire being turned to dust.
Gina was down on her knees, crying. "Missi? What's..." The blonde started toward her, but she leapt to her feet, shaking her head and pointing. "No! Stay away. You stay the hell away from me! Just leave me alone!" She ran off screaming and crying, and Tara didn't try to follow.
"How would I explain it to her?"
**
Tara didn't go back to the Bronze, she was in even less of a mood for a party now, but she also didn't want to go back to her empty dorm room either.
She couldn't help thinking about Gina and Missi. They had been happy together once and then Missi was turned into a monster, yet Gina still loved her. True she didn't really understand what was happening, and probably never really would, but as far as she was concerned Tara had killed her girlfriend.
"That's the way I feel about Willow. No matter what she did, I'll always love her. I left because...Goddess, I was so scared. Of her. And for myself." Tara shook her head. "Why did I leave? Maybe if I'd stayed, I would have been there to help her avoid the mistakes with Amy and Rack and Dawn." Her hindsight, of course, was perfect. "Right or wrong I can't change the past. And neither can Willow."
What happened with Gina and Missi also showed her that things could changed at a moments notice. Sooner or later Willow might fall to the darkness she was struggling against, internally and externally. Tara knew as long as she was on the outside looking in like this she couldn't help and would not even have the chance to say good-bye if the worst ever happened. Right then and there she made up her mind.
Tara headed to Buffy's house. Along the way she thought about what she was going to say. She was sure she had it all worked out in her head when she knocked on the door, but when nobody answered and she had to let herself in she began to lose her nerve. She even considered backing out as she got to the upstairs hallway. The next thing she knew she was there, in Willow's bedroom doorway, and it was all spilling out in a tangled mess of words and thoughts that she had thought were so well-organized.
"Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard..."
THAT'S IT
THE END
We all know what happens next.
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