This is my first shot at any type of fanfiction, and I am shaking in my computer chair right now. I’ve been inspired by so many people here, and they supply such wonderful stories that I feel guilty for taking and not giving back. I’m a strong believer in the thought that love has no gender, and its so wonderful to see so many people proving this theory with such an awesome couple that are so obviously in love.. Thank you guys. <33
TITLE: Conditions of Love
AUTHOR: Me! Uh .. Kristi! ( Willowhanded )
PAIRINGS: Willow/Tara of course .. and there might be a certain, ahem, dark haired Slayer finding her photo negative to be her other half. Aw, c’mon .. I’ve always had a soft spot for Slayer lovin’ .. So Buffy/Faith, and Xander/Anya
DISCLAIMERS: The characters mentioned within the story all belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, WB, and the cute little `Grr! Arg!`` Guy. And I’d be heavily medicated if I wrote anything relative to the temporary insanity of 6-7th seasons. I’d be like ``bring on the Prozac!``
FEEDBACK: Please? This is my first fic, and I’m looking to pursue a career in writing, so if you have bad words, I’ll take them, just be constructive.
SPOILERS: Um .. well .. all the seasons I guess.
E-MAIL: lesbodar@aol.com
SUMMARY: This .. is the makeover of 7th season, k thnx plz drive thru, we r all buked. Pay @ da windo ========è
NOTE: As I watched 7th season, I kept wondering, ``what would Tara have done?`` So I’ve decided to write something centered around that. Oh .. and Buffy was shot in seeing red .. Tara didn’t come to see Willow the night before. And Xander never left Anya at the altar.
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1 ; Operating Systems
It took Buffy forever to reach the Earth.
It had all happened in an instant, yet the scene had flashed so painfully slow before emerald optics. Warren came into veiw and interrupted the conversation. The look of pure malice cut up his face as something glinted in his hand before it blurred, and Willow found herself on the floor.
Shouts and sounds had bled into one as a single pistol shot rang out in the quiet backyard, causing the birds to rocket out of the trees and fly around as if the world was ending.
``Buffy!`` Xander and Willow’s voices meshed into one as they rushed to her, Willow scrambling up only to fall back to her knees at her best friend's side. Xander's weight thudded to the ground in a similar position as Willow, neither knowing nor caring about the whereabouts of the dark haired bringer of terror.
It was mortal. After all this time and effort, after finally getting back the woman they had lost so long ago, she was going to be taken by a small piece of metal ripping through her flesh. Willow couldn’t deal with losing her again, having another person she loved pick up and leave.
This time she couldn’t use magic to bring her back. This time it would be for real.
< Magic. > The thought came to her instantly, a little voice cooing at her .. almost lovingly.
< No. > The black magic inside her seemed to pout, almost as if it knew it could very easily jump ship and swim from the rocking ship of her emotions.
``NO!`` Willow screamed out into a new abyss of pain that had developed within the core of her being. ``You aren't going to leave me too! Not again!``
Willow tore off her sweater and frantically pressed it to the wound, falling back into the position that she had so well adapted to after the Slayer’s death. The redhead seemed to relax, focusing on keeping darkness from spilling out.
``Xander,`` she pronounced carefully in a level voice, ``go and call 911. Tell them to hurry. ``
His face was a pale white, seemingly china made if you studied the contrast of his dark hair. He nodded hurriedly, tripping over his feet in his obedience to her order. Somehow, judging by her tone, Xander knew that she meant business, and try as he might, this was a dream from which he could not awaken.
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The second Tara entered the Emergency Room she felt as if her heart had been ripped from her chest at the scene. She had been previously panicking, but somehow it was lulled by being with the others that understood.
Silence laced the air thickly, adding to the feeling of gloom that covered the room and it’s inhabitants. Even Anya was quiet as she occasionally brushed away tears from her own cheeks and quickly went back to the task of holding her husband that shook with silent sobs.
Spike sat not too far away, holding the blanket he must have migrated there under in his hands, which were splayed across his face in an attempt to hide his fear from the Scooby gang.
Dawn had fallen asleep with her head in Willow’s lap. The tear stains on the young brunette’s cheeks and the pained look painting across pretty features caused Tara’s heart to jump into her throat. Still, it was nothing compared to the way the still beating organ leapt into her hand at the sight of Willow.
Willow sat stroking Dawn’s hair in limited movements. Her face played tattletale to Tara, yet would appear emotionless to any other person. Tara knew that right now Willow was holding it in, being strong for everybody else. And knowing that fact .. it killed her.
``Oh .. Willow .. baby,`` Tara whispered, unable to raise her voice level and completely disrupt the silence of the room.
``Oh .. baby,`` she repeated as she stepped forward and enveloped the redhead in her arms.
< That voice. I know that voice. > Willow thought as she was drawn from her shell and back into the living world.
As she returned from herself the emotion finally hit her in brutal blows, drowning her in waves of anxiousness, of not being able to know if it was all going to be alright. And then it was suddenly all right. She was safe.
It was all going to be just fine – as long as Tara held her, it would be just fine.
Willow melted into the surprisingly strong arms of her soul mate, allowing her face to fall into the blonde’s neck. Willow could hear her former lover breathe, a constant. She liked that. Inhale, exhale .. even if it did shake slightly. It was there she didn’t have to be strong, cuddled into the familiar warmth that smelled of vanilla and jasmine. This was the only safety net she’d ever need. This was all she’d ever need.
``Ta..`` Willow began, only to be cut off by a motherly ``shh,`` from the blonde as she began running alabaster digits through the fine red strands that still smelled like strawberries.
Willow heeded the warning and once more relaxed, only now allowing the tears to drip like white – hot daggers down her skin, burning trails of fear on her cheeks and cooling as they fell to meet Tara’s neck.
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It was hours later, after the tears had been spent and emotions had winded down to an expectant air of utter grim. Though, as each minute passed the Scoobies gained more hope, knowing that their beloved Savior still took another breath.
Sometime during the wait, Dawn had awoken and Willow had instantly moved from her own chair and into Tara’s, keeping a vice-like grip upon her hand the entire time. She had cuddled up against the blonde, accepted into open arms. Tara had dipped her head and sang lowly in the redhead’s ear, and even now she still spoke words of love and praise.
Tara had realized by Willow’s display of vulnerability that she had her Willow back – the Willow that babbled and loved wholly, with her entire soul and being. The Willow that she had fallen hopelessly in love with.. her Willow.
``My Willow,`` she whispered unconsciously, a sort of strained smile crossing her lips. One that showed relief, as if she’d been shooting for this their entire separation. Tara also knew that Willow hadn’t been casting, nor had she cast upon Buffy when she’d been shot. The blonde was immensely proud of that, being as she wasn’t sure if she could hold that amount of control over her emotion herself.
``Your Willow,`` Willow agreed as she snuggled closer, clinging to the small bit of comfort that resided within the room. Though, after she realized she’d said it, Willow instantly blushed as she gazed at Tara with a horrified expression.
``I’m sorry Tara .. I didn’t mean to – I know .. it was a friendly `My Willow,` not the good kind .. cause yeah .. the .. date .. was it a date .. no .. it was a get together!! .. completely non sexy drink!! .. all hot .. and sometimes topped with whipped cream .. and flavorful.. addictive..yummy.. yeah!!!! Just coffee!! .. and and .. I really didn’t mean to because um, coffee’s good isn’t it? All .. sugary and yummy, and I wonder if they have coffee here .. well.. probably yucky hospital coffee, and that sounds sorta well .. yucky and an-- ``
Tara effectively silenced the girl with a sound kiss to her lips that sent them both flailing into bliss. The contact caused an electric reaction within both of them, both hearing the music of their hearts meshing and creating the sound of the sunrise and sunset, of the moonlight filtering down upon the Earth from it’s blanket of black, framed by all of the stars. The sounds of snow falling and the breeze whispering, the sound of life and freedom, all rushing into the thunderous crashing of the waves upon the shore beneath the murmur of candles glowing softly.
Fresh tears ran down Willow’s cheeks as they parted; only going as far as to place their foreheads together as they captured their breath. Green eyes locked onto blue as her heart began recollecting itself after all these months of resting in pieces.
``Tara?`` Willow breathed, awaiting her fate.
``What happened made me realize, Willow .. how easily it could have been you .. how you could have been..h.. hurt – a.. and it kills me Willow. I need you. I’ve always needed you.-- she spoke softly as her hands came up to cup Willow's face, her thumbs brushing at the redhead's tears, somehow trying to erase the ones she herself had previously caused.
``You mean .. but how can you trust me again? I hurt people .. I hurt you,`` Willow looked around frantically, scared for the blonde Wiccan.
``D.. do you not want me back?`` Tara’s expression changed as she drew back, obviously hurt, ``I .. is there .. s.. someone e..else?``
``NO!`` Willow jumped closer to the blonde, squealing a little as her statement arrived with more power than it was meant to.
``I mean, no! Never. Of course I want you back! The first no was the no to someone else .. and the second was confirming it .. and then the never was to say that I could never love somebody else .. and the `I want you back,` was .. well .. I’m over helping, aren’t I?`` she bit down softly on her lower lip as her eyes pleaded needlessly with the blonde's.
Tara had, of course, gotten what Willow meant with her first statement, and a smile of relief filtered out across her lips as she listened to the Willow babble. ``Maybe a li --``
Tara was cut off by a new voice, cheery and imploring, ``jeez – who died?`` Buffy stepped fully into the room, looking around the corner of the door as if expecting a monster to jump out at her.
However, it was not a monster that attacked her, but her younger sister slamming herself into Buffy’s body, bending to hug her tightly around the abdomen.
The small brunette was then followed by four other people joining the affection, and Buffy became slightly suspicious.
``Am I dead? I'm dead again, aren't I!?`` she demanded with a pout, gaining gales of laughter in reply as a doctor cleaned his glasses behind the window, staring sightlessly at the already healed Slayer, ``extraordinary.``
``Nah! Just Sunnydale!`` said a overjoyed Spike, who was currently attempting to keep his happiness under wraps.
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So .. there it is.
Hopefully, I haven’t failed you all miserably… and if I have .. well tell me to stop writing the story now.
To continue or not to continue .. that is the question.
-Kristi/Willowhanded
Edited by: willowhanded at: 4/28/04 5:06 pm
hey! No one can ever disapoint me! Im a fic whore haha. I like how this is going, and i think the rest of us will be interested too! keep goin! 
Anyway you have a great start!
Awesome update. I really think Tara needs to make Willow lots of her trademark pancakes. Yep, need to keep her weight up. Um... still can't figure out where your headin, so gonna check tomorrow for an update, but take your time and don't rush.
Wow, so not fair. Witchy lovin' best offer I've heard all day.
I'm still half asleep so not my best update. But it didn't suck
See, smily agrees
