WARNING: Only read if you are seriously quirky and open-minded
I am sure many of you have noticed by now that Vix and I have....rather strange....um... imaginations. Well, now, with our quirkiness powers combined, we bring you this fic! It is very much AU. We'll be alternating writing chapters. We're each different points of view. Enjoy!!
Part 1“Miss Rosenberg! Miss Rosenberg! Where are you!! We need that cheese now!”
Willow shut the fridge door with a slam, her heart pounding in her chest.
“Uh… It’s coming!” she yelled, trying to make her voice sound as casual as possible.
“Oh my god, oh my god” she said to herself over and over again
“Just give me a minute!!” she yelled.
“One minute Miss Rosenberg! And make it a fast one!!”
Willow gulped and as quietly as she could snuck out the back door.
“Where the heck am I gonna get cheese?” she muttered “not just any cheese, but a great big mother of a block of cheese!”
She shook her head in complete distress, thinking of her bosses, Mr. Happy and Mr. Eevil. ‘No offence guys’ she thought ‘but it was a really, really stupid idea to have a gay pride meeting on a cow farm, make everyone come dressed as cows, and serve them cheese!’ she shook her head at the thought. ‘and now I am stuck with the job of finding a huge amount of cheese in one minute! Oh why didn’t I check the fridge before!!’
Willow kicked a stone as she walked down the drive, past a field of grazing cows. She stopped and looked at them. “you know what?” she said, staring one of the cows in the eyes, “I wish you could give cheese… I mean imagine if there was this little button on your head that said, ‘push me, I ferment’”
The cow looked at Willow like she was insane, then turned around, so that her rear end was facing Willow.
Willow stuck her tongue out at the cow, “well, that was rude. Now I forgot what I was saying!”
Realizing that she had wasted far too much time, she began walking as fast as she could down the road. ‘where on earth should I go!!’ she thought ‘the nearest store isn’t for miles! And this darn farm doesn’t even have horses!’
“Imagine me riding a cow into town” Willow muttered to herself, “one of these days I have GOT to get a better job!”
Willow was deep in thought when she walked right into something, or someone, and landed flat on the ground. She quickly brushed herself off and stood up, realizing that it had been a person, not just a person, but a girl that looked about her age. She reached her hand out, offering it to the girl, “oh I am so sorry!” she said quickly, her voice full of concern, “are you ok? I mean, I’m such a dumbie sometimes! Little-miss-not-looking-where-she-is-going…”. Willow grinned sheepishly, “so…are you ok?”
The girl wiped herself off and then looked up at Willow, “I’m fine, really” she said, and then her face twisted into what looked like held-back laughter.
“What?” Willow asked quickly “what is it?”
The girl shook her head, letting the laughter come. “oh… nothing…it’s just…well…it’s not every day that you get knocked over by a pretty girl in a cow suit”
Willow looked down at herself and went red. She had completely forgotten that she was wearing the costume.
The girl looked at her, “oh! Don’t be embarrassed! You make a great cow!”
Willow laughed, “why thank you… I’m Willow by the way, Willow Rosenberg”
The girl smiled, “nice to meet you Willow, I’m Tara, Tara Maclay, I just moved in over there” she said pointing to a house just down the road from the farm.
Willow smiled, “well, welcome to cow town where cows reign supreme, it is holy cow day today, everyone has to be dressed as cows or they get arrested”
Tara looked shocked “uh….really?”
“no, ya doofus!”, Willow said grinning at her.
“I’m really dressed like this because, well, I work for the owners of that farm over there and, their ideas….well they are a bit…not so normal. They are a gay couple, and nice as can be, normally, but not when the pressure is on, woah… you don’t want to see Mr. Happy when he’s angry, and Mr. Eevil! Ten times worse!”
Tara grinned at Willow’s ramblings, “so how long have you worked there?”
Willow paled, “work… oh no…”
Tara looked concerned, “what? What is it?”
“Tara, this is going to sound amazingly strange and may scare you beyond belief…. do you happen to…uh…have any cheese I can borrow?”
Tara looked shocked, “um… yeah…I think we just stocked the fridge actually, lots and lots of cheese, come on, we’ll get some… but… do you mind my asking why?”
Willow breathed a sigh of relief, “oh thank you!” she said as they began walking “well, you know how I told you about my bosses strange sense of…er… if you could call it logic, well today they have a gay pride meeting at the farm, and all the guests had to come dressed as cows, even I had to dress like one! And, well, they insisted on serving crackers with cheese, and me being the goof that I am just assumed that we had some… we didn’t. no cheese at all. And Mr. Happy wants the cheese now” Willow shuddered, thinking of his temper, as the girls stopped in front of Tara’s house.
“wait a sec” Tara said “I’ll go get some!” she ran into her kitchen and grabbed the biggest block of cheese they had. “will this do?” she asked Willow
“oh! That’s perfect! Thanks so much Tara!” she said happily.
“Come on!” Tara said pulling Willow after her, “ we want you to keep this job! We have cheese to prepare!”
The two girls ran back up the drive and through the kitchen door, thankfully the meeting had started and Mr. Happy hadn’t yet come looking for her.
Willow grabbed the knife and crackers and began preparing the snack.
“Is there any way I can help, Willow?”, Tara asked looking around at the huge kitchen
Willow glanced at her watch, “oh my god! They are gonna kill me! I don’t have enough time! We need to stall somehow… somehow…”
Tara looked at Willow, and saw the idea formulating, “just tell me what to do” she said with a smile.
Willow ran to a closet and pulled something out of it, “ok… here’s the plan… just put these on first”
***
The doorbell rang in the Happy/Eevil household.
“Now who could that be?” Mr. Happy asked, looking at Mr. Eevil, who shrugged.
He walked over to the door and pulled it open. Much to his surprise, standing on their doorstep was a cow. Well, not really a cow, a girl dressed as a cow.
“Can I help you?” he asked in an amazed and curious tone.
The cow just grinned at him and cocked her head, “I’m the entertainment! I do believe you just purchased an extraordinary amount of cheese from our company, and we like to come through for our customers. As soon as my boss heard about your little gathering here, it was, ‘get down there! Tell some cow jokes!’. So here I am”
Mr. Happy nodded, “well, that is very thoughtful of your boss, you must thank him for us, we were just about to have some nice crackers and cheese for refreshments, so you can do your thing while we eat”
“no!” the cow cried, “I mean… I need full concentration and the smell of cheese….um…well…it distracts me!”
Mr. Happy nodded, “um…ok then. Just come on in and tell your... er… jokes”
Tara walked into the living room filled with men of all ages, dressed in cow suits. It took everything she had not to burst out laughing.
“Everyone listen up! This cow here, is gonna tell us some jokes, I do believe they are cow-related!”
Tara nodded hesitantly, “ok… so here I go”
***
In the kitchen Willow was running around frantically, throwing cheese and crackers on platters.
‘Thank you Tara!!’ she kept thinking, every time she heard the laughter coming from the other room.
Willow finished organizing the last of the snacks and put the rest of the cheese in the fridge.
She walked to the kitchen door and opened it a crack. She couldn’t help but laugh at what she saw. Tara had them all enthralled, every man’s eyes on her.
“There were these two cows, Ok?” she started,“chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replied,” Tara paused for effect "Hell, I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."
Willow shut the door quickly and sank to her knees in quiet laughter. “oooh… god” she said to herself. ‘that girl…’ she thought shaking her head.
“Miss Rosenberg! We need the snacks now!”
“right here!” she called, standing quickly, grabbing the tray, “here you go!” she said to him as she carried the tray into the living room, where the meeting was being held.
She glanced around for some sign of Tara but couldn’t see her anywhere.
“Finally” Mr. Happy said, taking the tray from her, “Did you know anything about a free entertainment service sponsored by the cheese company?”
Willow shook her head, trying her best to look confused, “no… should I have?”
Mr. Happy shook his head, “no…no… you may go now”
Willow nodded and walked casually back into the kitchen.
She then turned and ran out the back door, where she found a very amused Tara waiting, “well, I must say that, that was a new experience for me”
Willow grinned, “thank you so much! You were amazing! How did you know all those cow jokes? I’ve lived in town for a long time and I still don’t think that I could do that!”
Tara grinned, “oh, yes, well….um… promise to keep a secret?”
Willow nodded, “anything!”
Tara moved closer to her, and spoke in a hushed tone. “I used to have an imaginary friend”
Willow looked at her, “what? That’s not so bad…”
“she was a cow”
Willow stopped, “oh…”
Both girls looked at each other for a moment and then burst into laughter.
“This day has been too weird!!” Willow said through her laughter
“oh my god!” Tara said, laughing, “I’ve only been here two days and I love it!”
Willow grinned, “well… it can be boring”
Tara looked at her and smiled, “yeah, well, all my time will be interesting and exciting, with you around there is never a dull moment”
"Will, I know what sparkage means, and it's definitely, one-hundred percent, there"- The Crying Game (by Vix84)
Edited by: Tara22 
at: 12/21/02 3:47:02 am
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you had me rolling on teh floor. CAn't wait for the next part, I hope Mr. Happy adn Mr, Eevil are in it!
Tara had an imaginary cow friend 
definitely lookin' forward to more of this 
at: 5/5/03 8:55:48 pm