DISCLAIMERS: I don't own any of the characters mentioned in the story. Joss and ME etc, do.



Rating: um possibly pg-13, maybe



ANGST NOTE: There's agnst, but if enough people respond i'll write a lighter follow up.















Go a week. One week without magic.



I’ve hurt her so badly, I can only imagine how she feels, but I know it. I can’t describe what she must be going through, but I feel it as surely as it was happening to me. I have to help. I can’t be the cause of my love’s grief.





How could you after what Glory did to me?



I didn’t mean to put a spell on you baby. I just wanted for the fight to be gone. Over so that we could be happy again. I hate fighting with you my love. The last time you ended up being hurt because of my callous words. It was my own fault saying words that would surely hurt you so that I could let out some of my frustration about the key/glory situation. And now I’ve done it again.





I know you used that spell on me.



Spells, spells, spells!! That’s what started this whole, this….us. We used to be magick but ever since that fight we can’t get back to before, to our beginning. Spells, I learned more and more so I can keep us safe, so we have a chance to get back to our bliss. But I can do this for us, for Buffy. I can make it better baby. I NEED to take away that pain that I caused you. Goddess, your face was so full of hurt, I can’t ever say you have caused me that pain, and I know you never will. You’re so loving; you’re my loving Tara. That’s why I have to…



When your father came and tried to take you away from me, I was so hurt. Not that he had tried to take you away, but that he lied to you. He lied to you baby, and now so have I.

************************************************









Willow reached behind the books, grabbing a baggy. The redhead, set intently on her task, kneeled before the fireplace.



[One for Tara, one for Buffy]



The redhead quickly said the chant, then reached for the crystal.



[I shouldn’t, what if? ]

Willow shook her head clearing away the image of Tara’s face.



[She’s why I’m doing this. I caused her pain, and now I have to fix it.]



“Tabula rasa, tabula rasa, tabula rasa.”

**********************************************









“Alex!”



Alex caught the piece of wood and untidily pierced the vampire’s chest. Alex checked on Dawn and a slight crunch echoed through out the tunnel.

************************

************************



Willow leaned down her face moving ever closer to Tara’s.



[She’s so beautiful.]



The redhead lost herself in the azure pools, leaning in the last few inches to bring their lips together.



crunch



[How did I get here?]



Tara jerked back from Willow, standing, her arms coming to rest across her chest.



[Why is she? I mean Tara’s gay so me almost kissing her wouldn’t-]



Willow looked up to her girlfriend and found only disappointment. Willow squeezed her empty pocket, now sure of the situation.



[Oh god no. I messed it up. I’ve made things worse than before.]



“Ha ha ha!”



The two witches turned to see Xander laughing.



“Just got back the memory of seeing ‘King Ralph’.” Xander quickly ushered Dawn out of the two witch’s way, not that he wanted to stay and see the melt down either.



[Tara baby, you have to talk to me. Baby, please talk to me. Give me another chance!]



The blonde’s grip increased, and Willow wanted to instantly take back the spells.



[I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. I-how could I do that to Tara?!]



Tara turned her back, leaving Willow kneeling on the floor where the red head was still for a second.



“Tara!” Willow raced to catch up with her heart. “Tara, please! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” Willow gently held Tara’s elbows, the blonde’s arms wrapped around her stomach. “I- shouldn’t have done it, but I had to fix my-“



“Let go.” Tara face was cold, no trace of the loving smile that could be counted upon to brighten Willow’s day.



“Mistake and I-“



[She has to listen, without her I can’t. There is no reason with out her.]



“Let go off me Will.” Tara’s back was ramrod straight, her eyes forward, not looking at Willow.



[This can’t be the end. We’ve faced a hell god, demons, and my friends. I – I CANNOT be the reason we fail!]



“Baby, I-“



“NO!” Tara threw her arms away from her body; effectively removing Willow’s also.



“I understand. I-“



“You don’t get it! Willow, you haven’t ever gotten it! There are consequences to magic!”



Tara looked up, seeing that Willow was still, no movement, or words at all. So Tara continued her voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t want us to be one. But you can’t give it up.”



“I can!” Willow wanted to pull Tara into her arms, rock her until the pain ended.



“You said that yesterday.”



“I’ll do it! I can beat it!”



“You don’t even think that anything is wrong! How are you going to?“



“Because you want me to.”



Tara shook her head in the negative.



“We’ve done this already. I can’t be around for the next time a spell backfires. I lived with that once, and I’m not going to go back.”



[She’s really going to leave me. How can she- her leaving isn’t going to- running away from us, from the problem.]



“So you’re going to leave! Leave me with this problem. Run like you did with your family?!”



The look of horror on Tara’s face was the breaking point.



“I didn’t- oh god! Tara, I didn’t-“



Tara blinked back tears, but Willow didn’t see it.



“I didn’t mean that! What’s happening to me?! Why am I?”



Willow dropped to her knees, her hands covering her face.



“Why can’t I stop?! I tried! And I couldn’t!”



Tara couldn’t take it anymore, there was her lover pouring out her heart, crying on a sewer floor. Tara kneeled down next to Willow, her arms wrapped around the tiny shaking frame.



“Shhh.”



Willow clutched Tara’s left arm with both of her hands to her shoulders, afraid that if she let go the blonde would leave.



“How could I do that to you baby?! You’re my everything, my heart, my happiness. We are the same, you are me!”



Tears coursed down Tara’s face, dropping down unnoticed as she held Willow.



“I couldn’t stop!” Willow sobbed into Tara’s neck her arms anchored around the blonde’s waist.



“I’m here. I will always be here for you. I can’t leave you like this, anymore than you could leave me helpless.”



The sobs increased, but Tara soothingly ran her hands through Willow’s red locks. Tara pulled back from the embrace, tilting Willow’s head up so she could see into the green orbs.



“I’m you and you’re me. I couldn’t ever leave you to suffer. Not once I, ever Willow!”



Tara looked straight at Willow. “Do you hear me? Never! I love you too much.”



[She’s not leaving! Thank you, oh thank you, thank you, thank you!!!]



Willow continued to cry, but Tara could feel the difference, kissing the top of Willow’s head.



“You’re me. I’ll never leave you.”

*************************



so should i write a little follow up with much happiness adn minimal angst????



thanks for reading!!



-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

Edited by: xita  at: 10/15/02 1:04:50 am

oohhh very nice....kinda sad but, it turned out better than what Joss *cough*ass hole *cough*cough* did



I say continue

*****Faye*****
Shameless self promotion....visit my website, dont have too much on there, but I think It's worth a look
http://www.geocities.com/photofairy2004/index.html
Also, if anyone wants to add me to MSN messenger, my email is buffyslayer_4@hotmail.com
PLEASE>I HAVE NO FRIENDS!!!!!LOL

if only that had happened in the show *sigh*

very nice work, keep going



forever

Willow: "Okay, we're here, ready for action...umm....bad guy fighting action" *smirks* - Seeing Red

Oh yay I prefer it with less Tara leaving ness But then they are still going to have to go through the whole "Willow coming off magick" deal which wasnt good at all. Its so confusing, i feel sorry for Willow, but then i feel sorry for Tara and I just dont know where my sympathy should go and ok now im just rambling on aimlessly, blame me having the flu Its the drugs I tells ya!!



Aly xxx

You all didnt happen to do a bunch of drugs did ya?

Yeah, just write a follow up!

I dont mind



Its very nice how this turned out, much much better than on tv! And I so think that Tara looks soooo hot on that episode with what she is wearing, so this was double good: Tara looking damn hot and

Willow and Tara still together!



I really want to read more andI really liked how you have written Willows doubts!



thank you



-Viv-

--------------------------

Don't dream it, be it

Rocky Horror Picture Show

Hey Will. Loved this. It was a hell of a lot better than how it played out on tv. I hope you write a follow up to this, i have a feeling it could be another fic i get addicted to



~ Jen

Yeah follow ups r good!! U weren't kiddin bout the angst!! But i did enjoy it!! Tara staying is alwayz a good thing! Lookin 4ward to the follow up if u decide to go through w/ it, which u definitely should!!



~Ashley~

Willow: We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens. But it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know... insane.
Tara: I said quirky.

Follow-up? Much happiness, minimal angst - Yes Please!

More More More More More More. How many times do i have to say that to make you continue??



-Trinity-

--------------------------
Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstacy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bare. If we can live without passion maybe we'd know some peace. But we'd be hollow, empty rooms, shuttered, and dank, With out passion we'd truly be dead. ANGEL in "Passion"

Everyone needs a chance to prove themselves! More please!

"In front of total strangers won't you kiss me, Flowers for no reason but you miss me - OOH, I wanna be in love"

Melissa Etheridge-Skin

This was a well written piece, you captured Willow's thoughts & feelings well.

I think you should write a follow up

"I am a whiz...If ever a whiz there was"


"Make your own kind of music"-Mama Cass

Thanks for all the feedback!



So, I will be writing a follow up now that i know you guys liked this piece.



FAIRYDUST: It was sad, but that whole time period was for the most part. But i promise the next part will have little angst.



KIAORA1: Thanks for the thanks



ALLY02: Awww, you can feel sorry for both of the girls! BUt everything will be resolved though, so in the end you can be happy for them both.



PACOU: I loved Tara's hair in that ep, so YES I thought she looked hot in that eppy also. Thanks for your opinion about Willow's thoughts.



GINNER WTLUV: I'm so glad that you liked this bit. Hope i can make the 2nd as good.



MISSQUIRKY: Maybe next time i will make the angst warning larger, give it ratings of it's own. But i won't need it for the next part, so thanks for the feedback



STEREO33: Okay, just let me know if ther's anything else you might like to see.



XWICKEDXWICCAN: K, I got it, ya want more. Check



BARNABASVAMP: cools, hope that you like the next part when i post it



THEWHIZ: aww, more making me sappy. thank you for the feedback, keep it coming.





P.S. thanks to all your lurkers who read my fic!



-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

I have to aggree, love the way yours turned out! wish it happened like that for real!! more? yes, please...



Oh and to aggree with Viv, Tara sure did look hot in that ep!!! and I loved her hair too

Tara: Every time I... even when I'm at my worst, you
always make me feel special. How
do you do that?





Willow: Magic

Yes, her hair...



Need to snap out of my reverie about her hair...



Um, yeah, Ill shut up now.



-Viv-

--------------------------

Don't dream it, be it

Rocky Horror Picture Show

there will be no stoppage of the hair talk! the braids were awesomely cute in that ep

I got to go to the sidewalk festival (!!!!!!) and saw amber benson for real!



sigh. that girl is so hot!



-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

Edited by: willntlover at: 9/23/02 9:36:36 am

Damnit you saw Amber in the flesh (Very sexy flesh)!! Don't rub it in my face cause I'm still hoping I get to meet her some day soon!! Update soon too!!



-Trinity-

--------------------------
Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstacy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bare. If we can live without passion maybe we'd know some peace. But we'd be hollow, empty rooms, shuttered, and dank, With out passion we'd truly be dead. ANGEL in "Passion"

oooooooo! you are so darn lucky!!!! Amber update soon?

Tara: Every time I... even when I'm at my worst, you
always make me feel special. How
do you do that?





Willow: Magic

i'm working on the update, but it might be awhile since my brain is still MIA.



amber was so adorable. sigh. okay i'm off to (try) and work on the next part. hell the way i'm thinking right now you're liable to get just smut than actual fic.



-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

a follow up is a must!!! yes yes yes!!!! this is a great fic.....you lucky kitty.....you saw amber!!!! i'm all sorts of jealous.....

*please use both hands....*

ECCENTRICTULIP: Thanks for the feeback. I'm writing another part and as for the amber see-age; i'm sure you'll meet her one day.



-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

:: pouts and tried to look all cute and remorseful::

I am so sorry that it took me this long with the next part, but the RL sux. Anyway, you can expect another part, just not sure when it will be up. (got some exams soon)



Hope you enjoy



DISCLAIMERS: Not mine Joss, and ME own, etc.

ANGST: I tried to cut down (At least on Willow and Tara)













Pt.2



[She loves me.]



Willow looked out the window silently wondering how much energy it would take to open it. For the past two weeks she had been shut up in Tara and her’s room.



[A teeny bit of fresh air, is that too much to ask??]



Willow got up to open the window, her entire body protesting the movement it caused her muscles.

The red head switched the little piece of metal that held the window locked and lifted up with her weak arms.



“Do you want some help, Will?”



Willow looked back and saw the slayer in the center of her room.



“Yes please, it’s stuffy in here and I wanted some fresh air.”



Willow made her way back to her bed and sat down, letting the slayer open the window.



“So is Tara coming back up??” Buffy arms hanged by her side, not yet opening the window.



“She’s helping Dawnie with her math home work.” [Because you don’t trust me with your sister anymore.] “But she should be back in a few minutes.”



“Okay.” The slayer lowered herself in to the chair Willow had recently vacated. “So you think you can put up with me until your girl gets back?”



Willow smiled, well atleast that what Willow hoped it looked like. [She’s getting to be so annoying!! Like anyone with half a brain wouldn’t be a le to figure out what she is doing! All the time she spent with Riley must be catching up with her.]



Willow sat on her arms so she would give into the urge to slap her best friend.



“You’ll do.”



Buffy chuckled.



“So tell me about your day, Buff.”



The blonde rolled her eyes.



“Same old, same old.” Buffy stood once again.



“Oh.” [Your probably not telling me because you think the books will lure me back into magic.]



Willow’s anger flared up. [It’s one thing to not trust me, but now she’s not trusting Tara!]



The slayer noted the change in Willow’s mood almost immediately, but made no attempts as to find out the cause.



"Could you open the window Buffy?”



Buffy hesitated, uncertain about the wiseness of the action.



“Buffy, please. It’s not like I’m going to jump out the window! From the second floor at that!”



“You’re a witch Willow, you can cushion the fall.”



“I’m not casting, and you know it!”



“Who’s to say that it won’t change! One little spell, and you could be making us forget again!”



The slayer held her body in an offensive stance.



[Like that would be able to help her if I did decide to let loose with the magicks!]



Willow shook her head, dispatching the thought.



"Could you go get Tara please?”



[Please go get her, maybe this time she will believe that you are going nutso on me! Okay, she didn’t not believe me before, she just thinks Buffy is being overprotective.]



“You’re not going to try and sneak out while I am gone are you?”



“Buffy! No, can you go get Tara now!! Please!”



“What’s going on?”



[Thank you goddess, it’s Tara!]



“Nothings going on. Willow and I were just talking about our days.”



Tara looked at her lover and Willow again attempted to smile.



“Are you sure?”



Buffy nodded, “I’ll leave the two of you alone.” As soon as the slayer had exited, Willow let out a sigh of relief.



“Sweetie?” Tara sat down on the bed next to Willow and hugged her.



“It’s nothing. Buff was just being protective.” Willow laid her head down on Tara’s lap, instantly comforted when her lover started running her fingers through her hair.





“You mean, being a bitch.” Tara wasn’t a dummy. She had noticed the way that Buffy had been treating Willow, and even though it pained the wicca to call the slayer sucha name, it was the only way to descirbe the slayer when it came to Willow.



“No.” Willow took a deep breath and Tara’s natural vanilla scent surrounded her, grounding her thoughts. “Well, a bit. She loves Dawnie, and wants to keep her safe. I know that if it were you and there was some addicted witch living with us I would be scared too.”



Tara sighed, “Will, you would never treat someone the way Buffy has been treating you. I know it hurts you when I say stuff like that, but it’s the truth baby.”



Tara pulled Willow up so that the two women were eye to eye.



“I think we should leave. Move in with your parents, or or we could move into my dorm room. The further away from the hellmouth the better!”



“Baby, we have to stay here. This is the safest place for us. I can’t protect you anymore. So living with the slayer is….”



Willow let the words trail off, hating that ‘the slayer’ was the only capacity in which her friend thought of her.



“It’s my fault that any of this had happened. We stay here, so you are safe.



[If only I hadn’t brought Buffy back. Oh gosh! That sounded so horrible.]



“Do you ever wish you hadn’t have done it?”



Tara laid down on the bed, stretching out so that her body was parallel with the bed.



“Done what? The magic? That’s a tough question.”



Willow laid down and snuggled up to Tara.



“I wish that I had realized sooner what was happening to me, the dark magick. I wish that I hadn’t of used it on you guys.”



Tara pulled Willow closer, and enfolded Willow in her arms.



“Is it bothering you that I talk about…what I did?”



Willow held her breath as she waited for Tara's reply. The past two weeks had been horrible, filled with withdrawing and other unpleasant side effects of dark magick usage. The first few days Tara had even slept on the couch. Of course Willow had been shaking and would have hurt herself worse if she had been on the couch.



“No. It’s a part of us now.” Tara pressed her lips gently against Willow’s forehead, and smiled when the redhead’s brow stopped being scrunchy coz of her frown.



“I truly regret not noticing Buffy, and the trouble she was having adjusting to being alive again. I wish I could have made that easier for her, listening to her.” Willow smiled at Tara. “Like you have been for me.”



Tara closed the scant inches between Willow and herself, and kissed her lover.



“I’ll always be here for you.”



Buffy backed away from the door and almost walked into the inn table.



[Tara thinks I’m- and Will- How could I-]



Buffy turned around and dashed to her room.



“It’s not true!” The door slammed shut behind her. I’m not treating Will any different than I usually do!” Buffy picked up Mr. Gordo and threw him across the room, nearly taking out the window.



“Not treating her, I-“ Buffy fell to her knees. “I am! I really am!” Tears snaked down her face, and landed on the floor.



[I’m going crazy! Treating my bestfriend like a, a criminal! And avoiding everyone! What am I going to do?! I need help. I need to-]



Buffy sank the rest of the way to the floor and silently wept through out the night.



***

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

Edited by: willntlover at: 10/14/02 9:16:14 pm

an update!!! weeha! you've made my night. very interesting take on the way things happened after tabula rasa. i really like that tara never left. i love the turns you gave to buffy and willow's relationship as well. the way that willow realizes that she thinks of her as "the slayer" and a way to protect tara was a good wake up call. and poor mr. gordo.....so sad, so sad.....good that buffy knows how she's been acting now though....hopefully she'll fix it soon. thanks for the update!! keep 'em coming!!!

*please use both hands....*

So glad real life gave you a bit of a break so we could get an update!

I almost (note the word almost ) feel sorry for Buffy. She is torn in many directions, but maybe now she can lighten up a bit.

looking forward to more

BV

"In front of total strangers won't you kiss me, Flowers for no reason but you miss me - OOH, I wanna be in love"

Melissa Etheridge-Skin

Would be most interesting to see what happens if they actually move out of the Summers home. Though it kind of surpises me that Tara would leave Dawn, not that *I* care about Dawn but Tara has shown she does.



Having Willow move to some house/home of her own has been a favourite idea of mine for quiet some time. Just to see how she would do in a less slayer-like environment. (living alone in a house with Tara has other advantages obviously .



About Dawn... this is before the car-accident so I'm not entirely understanding why Buffy is so upset already. It's not like Willow's spells never went bad before, _Something Blue_ anyone ?? . Could have something to do with being pulled out of heaven, but that doesn't explain the discussion about opening a window. As if Willow would want to 'escape' or something. (well, she would escape Sunnydale with Tara if she did what was good for her...but that's another soapbox of mine )



Shutting up now..



Grimmy

"Why w-w-would anyone leave Willow?" It was a concept Tara just could not grasp. -- I Dream of Thee by Jomarch

Cool fic...glad to see you're doing a follow-up I'm really liking that Tara stuck around to help Will kick the dark magic. Buffy's being kinda cranky, she should be supporto best friend gal but instead she's kinda losing it. Lookin' forward to more



--Michelle

eccentrictulip:

Awww, thanks. You made mine by replying. I'm glad that you guys enjoyed it. I figured someone had to be having troubles (and since W/T aren't going to have much more) I figured why not the just returned from teh dead girl

Poor mr. Gordo, he got mashed.





barnabasvamp:

I do have a plan formed in my head, adn Buffy WILL get with the program, and hey! Maybe even kill some demons Thank you!







Grimlock72



Wanna know something? I almost moved them outa the house. I mean, Tara has a perfectly good dorm room on campus. ANd your right about Dawn. I think Tara wouldn't want to leave Dawn with Buffy if she is being this mean to Willow. To many bad memories for the girl.



Who knows, maybe I'll have a change of heart (depends on where I take Buffy) and you'll see the living arrangements that season sux started out with.



About Dawn...Buffy's always been protective over Dawn, adn I think that she has been a bit weary of Willow's spells after "Somethign Blue". And about the escaping, maybe i t was Buffy who was wanting to escape???? Thanks for the feedback!





pikescoob

Yup. Tara's just that kinda girl that can't leave someon she loves when they are hurt.



And Buffy is losing it, but i got plans baby Thank you for letting me know you liked it.



-Will

"Hear that baby? You're my always."

"well, you know, when you play a lesbian witch you've gotta get killed in this fun kind of exciting way, so the heart was the way to go..."

"we have the most amazing fans though they LOVE us."

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---

I have often been adrift, but I have always stayed afloat.    --  David Berry,  The Whales of August