First Fic: The Realm Of The Meaning Of Things

[EffieBlue]

Title: The Realm Of The Meaning Of Things.

Author: Jill, EffieBlue.

Rating: PG13 (may change)

Disclaimer: JW, ME, etc; own them.

Spoilers: A bit of 5 a lot of 6 there is no 7!



Feedback? Yes please, I've never written anything before, so be gentle.



Summary. I got fed up of Willow being blamed for anything and everything, so I decided to make it Not So.



Thanks to Brenda for her beta work and showing me where the commas and full stops go









The Realm of the Meaning of Things.



Chapter One



England



The rain drizzled continuously down the windowpane, it wasn't supposed to rain today but as it was the first day of the England, India, Test Match it wasn't surprising that the heavens had opened. Giles sighed as he watched the rain. Well if it rained for four days, England might stand a chance of actually not losing and would come out with a draw. He shut the book he was supposed to be reading, he just couldn't concentrate, for the first time in a long, long, time; he couldn't summon any enthusiasm for the task at hand. He was tired. And yes a little lonely as he sat in the library of his home.



Home, that was rich! When was the last time that this old house had been home?

He wondered again for god knows how many times, why he had left the States. Everything he knew and loved was back in Sunnydale. Even after the traumatic events of Willow’s vengeance spree, when he knew everyone could have used his calming influence, he felt he couldn't stay and had returned to England. Just what had drawn him back here though? It certainly wasn't for the weather, or the food, or the bloody cricket.



His phone rang; he debated whether to answer it or not deciding to let his machine filter the call. If it was someone he wanted to speak to he would intercept the machine and answer, if not he would just go on pretending he wasn't home.



"Giles, pick up. I know you're there,” he dashed to the phone; it was Buffy.

"I'm here, what's wrong?" the watcher cursed inwardly, knowing he should have stayed. Willow had probably gone crazy again and blown something up that was the problem with Lesbians; they always loved so intensely if something happened to one of the partners (which, he realised ruefully was usually the case) the woman left behind, tended to get a little psychotic and either tried to kill themselves or someone else. When Tara died Willow had gone for broke and tried to do both and take the world with her.



        Dear Lord! He had spent way too much time around Anya! Even his thoughts were starting to sound like her. Buffy would say he'd just had an Anya-ism and around Buffy these days any 'Willow' Anya-isms could be as painful, as, well an aneurysm.



        He had hoped it would be different with Willow. She had seemed to live in a much more enlightened world. Living on the Hellmouth she really should have expected that they would not find happiness forever, their love was too good for there. It would have been better for them both, if one of them had been a bloodsucking rapist. They might have stood a chance then. Oh great! Now he was coming down with an attack of bitterness and cynicism.



"GILES" shouted Buffy.



"Wh-what?" he stammered.



"Could you please focus? Willow needs to go to England, she's been summoned by that Coven that helped you, what do they want with her? Cos I'm not letting her leave if they are going to get all judgy on her and burn her at the stake, or whatever they punish witches with these days when one goes postal" Buffy had that tone in her voice that said distinctly that she would not budge on this issue 'till she knew the full facts and maybe not even then.

Both Buffy and Dawn were extremely protective of Willow. Buffy especially felt she had failed Willow when she hadn't been able to stop her from stepping on the road to self-destruction.



" I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. I haven't heard from them since I got back but I agree, don't let Willow leave until you hear back from me."



Giles could hear Anya in the background obviously talking to Willow, “It’ll probably be a trial or something, maybe a ducking or weighing down with bricks and seeing if you still float… no hang on, that was to test for a witch, maybe that's it, they want to see if you still--"



"Anya!" exclaimed Xander, "I think you're NOT helping..."



"Buffy," said Giles, "Look after Willow, I'll get in touch with the Coven now and get back to you as soon as I can."



"Make it fast, Giles, they are demanding she leaves right away" and with that Buffy broke the connection.





Giles replaced the receiver, reaching for it again he stopped. "Should I call them by phone or the other way," he muttered to himself. It was hard to say which would be quicker or more effective with Margaret Brin, High Priestess of the coven; sometimes she would speak to people on the phone, but other times she behaved as if the phone had never been invented.



"You know, Ripper ole mate, you really should make more friends. You might not need to talk to yourself then."



Giles literally jumped a foot in the air at the sound of that voice. He turned rapidly to face his once friend and now long time enemy.



"Ethan Rayne. What the bloody hell are you doing here and just how did you get into my house?" He advanced on Ethan, fists raised and a look of pure hatred and anger in his eyes.



Backing away, Ethan raised his hands defensively, "Slow down Ripper, we need to talk...."



Giles punched him, hard. Knocking Ethan to the floor. He stood over him, "Get up, get up you bastard, so I can knock you down again," shouted Giles



"Just stop! Listen to me Rupert," Ethan was scooting himself backwards away from Giles as he spoke. "Do you think I would come within a hundred miles of you, let alone turn up in your home, if this wasn't bloody important?" As Ethan started to rise, Giles knocked him down again.



"I'm going to kill you Ethan, you picked a very bad day to break into my house"



"You just have to listen to me for a minute, you don't know what's going on here, if you kill me you wont be prepared, use that bloody smart brain of yours, stop… and think!!" Ethan shouted desperately as Giles shaped up for another round of punches.



But Giles didn't look as sure now; he hesitated, his natural curiosity defeating his anger. He lowered his hands "You have five minutes Ethan, then I AM going to kill you" He stepped back, allowing Ethan to get up.



Brushing himself down, Ethan stepped towards Giles' drink table, "How about a sip Ripper? To ease the old vocal chords" He didn't wait for an answer and reached for a crystal decanter, on top of which was balanced a little moulded plastic monster.



"Touch that and it wont matter what you have to say, I'll kill you where you stand" Ethan threw Giles an alarmed look, but didn't speak, instead he took a bottle and poured himself a large brandy. "Join me, I can assure you, you are going to need it." He took another bottle and poured a generous measure of whiskey and held it out to Giles.



"Just bloody well get on with it," said Giles, ignoring the proffered drink.



"Ok, here goes, and try not to interrupt too much." Ethan swallowed his drink and poured another. "You remember our last meeting?"



"How could I forget," muttered Giles.



"Yes. Well, maybe the Fyarl demon thing was a bit over the top, OK OK. I'm getting to the point," Ethan spoke rapidly, since Giles looked as if he was going to punch him again. "Your commando buddies did indeed ship me off to a bloody detention centre in the Nevada dessert. You should have seen the place Ripper! Bloody demons everywhere, all sorts, from your common or garden vampire to what they termed as unclassified, and finally there was ME. Oh they were very pleased to get their hands on me. There was no rehabilitation as young Captain America thought. Rather, they were very keen to know about the Dark side of things, and about Chaos. They were eager to know what I could teach them, how they could use Dark Magic for their advantage. Needless to say I wanted to know what was in it for me, and I don't mean just being allowed to live."



"Yes. I can imagine," said Giles



"No Ripper. You really can't imagine, you have no idea at all what they were, are, into…" Ethan was cut off.



"Well get to the damn point then Ethan, because my patience is really non-existent at the moment"



"Ok, Ok, I'm getting there. Well, let me see. " Ethan paused to drain his glass, "I was holding out for a good deal. When all hell broke lose, literally, thanks to you and the Slayer"



"What do you mean?" asked Giles. Deciding he would have that drink after all, he reached for the glass on the table.



"When you put an end to the 314 project, the whole lot was closed down..."



"This isn't news, they filled it with concrete, buried it totally..." Giles sipped on his drink.



"Yes, Yes, but think Ripper, at the detention centre there were all those demons and monsters, they had to decide what to do with them. And more importantly, what was going to be done with me."



Giles prompted him to go on, "And…"

       

"They decided to make us all 'go away' just disappear... do the whole...'We were never there' deal, mass destruction..."



"Not a bad idea if you ask me" said Giles, finishing his drink.



"Honestly Ripper, for such a bright bloke, you can be very short sighted at times, anyway" Ethan continued quickly. " I decided it was best not to stay for the end of the show, so I left, causing a few distractions on the way to facilitate my escape, have a bit of fun on the way out, so to speak." Ethan grinned taking his last sip.



"Just a minute, why didn't you leave before, if you could just open doors and walk away" Giles' curiosity was getting the better of him.



"I wanted to see just how much they would offer me to be a team player, plus I actually wanted to know what the hell was going on. I could feel that the balance was being upset and as much as I worship chaos, everything requires balance… there was some sort of internal power struggle for a while and for a few months no one was sure who was really in charge, then the word got round we were all for the chop, so it was time to bugger off. I had got the gist of what was going on by then anyway.... "



"And?" said Giles.



"And what?"



"What did you find out?” Giles stood. “You haven't come here, risked me killing you, just to let me know you escaped and a bunch of demons and vampires were destroyed. Just what the hell is your point Ethan?"



"Right, yes. Now Ripper, this is where it gets a bit, ummm, weird..."



"Oh for crying out loud get to the damn point man. I actually have something important to do"



"Ah," said Ethan, "the witch, she needs fixing doesn't she?"



"What the bloody hell do you know about Willow?" Giles spoke menacingly.

       

"C'mon Ripper," said Ethan somewhat evasively, " you know how news travels amongst demons, that's how we found out about 314 in the first place"

       

"Just get on with it Ethan"



"Oh...well, as I said, I opened a few doors, let some Hostiles out to buy me some escape time and give me time to have a good look around on the way and that's when I found it."



"Found what?"



"The whole reason they were amassing a demon army and wanted to master Darkness and Chaos," Ethan paused, seemingly for dramatic effect,



"Yes? What?" Giles almost shouted at him,



"A Dej'Showon demon Ripper. Not a present day one either!" He finished with a flourish and reached to pour himself a drink.



Giles stared at Ethan. Then he started to laugh. And found once he had started, he couldn't stop.



"Ripper! What the hell are you laughing at?"



"You" said Giles with difficulty, still spluttering with laughter. "You have finally, totally, lost your marbles. I find that so incredibly funny," and he roared with laughter again.



"I'm telling you the bloody truth, there's a Dej'Showon demon here... I mean... there... from a future that may or may not be ours... STOP BLOODY LAUGHING!"



"Wh-what did they do to you there?" gasped Giles "fry your brain by making you watch re-runs of the Twilight Zone? That Demon has always been a joke, to frighten naughty demon spawn into behaving, all hogwash … a Demon, joined with a Dark Magick Magi, altering timelines to make your existence non-existent." Giles was struggling for breath now he was laughing so hard.



"STOP BLOODY LAUGHING! Ripper, you don't know what's happening here. Everything. All of us, Dark, Light, it's all in danger, they are messing with stuff no one should get into, and if it's not put right or stopped, nothing, nothing will exist for us any more. Please, Rupert, stop laughing" Ethan finished quietly, almost in a whisper.



This finally started to get through to Giles, "Ok, ok...I'm stopping," but Giles was finding it difficult, after recent events he had needed something, anything, to make him laugh and even if he wanted to kill Ethan for wasting his valuable time, he was grateful for the chance to laugh at anything.



"Rupert, I'm serious, that initiative, they got into something. By accident at first, I think, then it got out of hand, that good old idea...Power, World Domination...started to surface and they took it too far. They have tried to manipulate time, change things, so that they, and only they run everything"



"I'm sorry?" Giles frowned, "I don't understand...what on earth are you going on about? Just what the hell are you talking about...no one can truly manipulate time.."

       

"You know that's not true Ripper...you of all people, you... who must have read almost all of the ancient forbidden texts, know it can be done. The right time the right forces and someone powerful enough in Dark Magick and more importantly someone with the motivation to change time, could do it."



"Willow," breathed Giles...."Tell me Ethan... all of it."



Ethan picked up the Brandy bottle, made as if to pour himself another drink and changed his mind. He took the bottle and slumped into a chair.

"The Demon got here accidentally. It's from a possible future, when everything is run by some all-powerful group of demons... and a Human dictatorship.... I don't know all of the details all I know for sure is, somehow, this Demon got caught in some sort of portal, a flux in time and ended up here, or more precisely, Now. The Initiative got involved; once they understood what was happening they decided to try and alter things, change events so that they are the ones that end up as the ruling power. They are working with the Demon to transport themselves into the right future taking their pet Dark Magick user and their demon army with them to make sure they keep things to their liking. It can't be allowed to happen Ripper…or everything we know -- "



"Will cease to exist," finished Giles for him.



Ethan nodded raised the bottle towards Giles in mock congratulation and then drank heavily from it.



"You really believe all of this don't you Ethan..."



"I saw it Ripper. Made a few people talk to me, I know it's true, but above all else," Ethan paused to drink again and looked at Giles, “I was told to come here... tell you... and... that call Ripper, the one you were muttering to yourself about, you need to make it. You need to get your witch over here, get her fixed or whatever, because they'll come for her. They need her."

       

"That's where all this falls apart Ethan, Willow has no power now, we substituted dark power for light and then drained her power, stopped her from destroying everything. All that needs 'fixing' as you so eloquently put it, is how she copes with her grief and what she has done..."



Ethan looked at him incredulously, “You actually believe that?? A witch that powerful, naturally powerful is now powerless... that a few counselling sessions, some art therapy and a quick stroll round England’s green and pleasant land, will make her a happy ordinary person." He didn't bother to finish just returned to drinking heavily from the bottle.



Now Giles felt bewildered, he was being hit with moments of confusion and then startling moments of clarity. He felt he should just kill Ethan, put an end to all of his meddling, but how had Ethan escaped, how did he know so much about Willow and more to the point, why did everything seem to suddenly start to make sense in his head.



Nothing in the past year had felt quite right had it, Buffy dying, Willow taking charge, coping, and then bringing Buffy back. Just how had she persuaded Tara to go along with that? Then her decent into darkness, fighting it, recovering, Tara returning to her... Tara. Her death made no sense whatsoever. After Willow had tried to destroy everything, after it was all over he had started to look into things...especially Tara’s death as that had been the trigger that pushed Willow over the edge, he’d borrowed Willows' laptop got into her files, (he'd stood over her shoulder so many times when she had done it in the past he'd managed to do it himself) he got into the police reports of the shootings, even they were having trouble working out how Tara had been shot, forensics and ballistics couldn't reconcile the point of shooting with where the bullet had ended up, it just didn't add up.



Also there was the small fact that Warren’s name did not appear on any police report in connection with the shootings. He had quietly asked Xander if he had given Warren’s name to the police, Xander confirmed that he had. The only police report that he had found that contained any mention of Warren was a missing persons report, where it stated that Warren was missing presumed abducted by his two friends after their daring jail break. It seemed to Giles, that something else had lent a hand and that it was no accidental random bullet that had killed Tara. She had been just as much a target as Buffy. Something, someone had wanted Tara dead.



A sudden warming of the air next to Giles brought him out of his reverie, along with the air warming; there was a faint glow, which grew, steadily brighter and bigger.



Ethan decided it was time to leave and made a move towards the door. However, the door shut and locked before he could get there. He turned and faced Giles and the now definitely human sized light next to him. Giles took a step to the side and watched the light, waiting, he had seen this sort of thing before. Someone from another, higher, plain of existence was arriving. If the intensity of the blue light was anything to go by, whoever it was, was very, very powerful. The light started to become more solid, take form and then the being stood before him.



"TARA!" exclaimed Giles.



*******************************************

Part 2



"Tara!" Giles said again, hoping just saying her name would help him regain control of himself as he felt his legs about to give way, "Oh My God, TARA!"



"Yes. Mr Giles. I'm sorry for startling you" she smiled at him and again he felt himself go weak. “Apparently I will get better at that with practice...the whole blue light thing I mean, not the startling you."



"B-But, Tara!" Giles gasped.



"Please Mr Giles, calm down, you will go into shock and I need to speak with you and I only have a moment, I really should be somewhere else now"



Tara glanced across at Ethan Rayne. Giles pulled himself together and started to tell Ethan to get the hell out, when Tara interrupted him.



"Ethan" she said, nodding to him.



"Ms. Maclay," replied Ethan.



Rayne’s deferent and polite greeting to Tara was not lost on Giles.



"Just what is going on here?" he demanded.



"I'm sorry Mr Giles, I will tell you everything, soon, but right now you need to get Willow to leave Sunnydale and go to the Coven in Devon. She must get there as soon as possible. She will trust you and Buffy will trust you, she really must get away from Sunnydale now."



"But why?" Giles was at a complete loss as to what was going on. He really needed to sit down.



"Margaret will explain to some extent and I promise you I will tell you everything as soon as I can." Tara continued "For now, though, I would ask you NOT to tell Willow or any of the others that you have seen me,” Tara asked this with a note of sadness in her voice, T-they will know soon enough"



"But surely that would help Willow," Giles started to ask.



"No!" Tara interrupted Giles rather forcefully. "Willow more than anyone can't know yet that you have seen me. Trust me," she continued more gently, "It would help her in the short term only. Willow has to be shown things first, work it out for herself, without knowing she can and will see me soon."

       

Tara placed her hand gently on Giles' arm encouraging him to look at her, "Please contact Buffy, Mr Giles and Margaret, It's very, very important that Willow leaves Sunnydale and goes to see her as soon as possible."



And then Tara left as abruptly as she had arrived.



*********************************************





Nevada… Somewhere.



The door hissed shut behind Colonel Anderson as he entered the room. He glanced across at the figure lying on the floor. His lip curled in distaste at the drool spilling from her mouth. Every so often she would twitch and giggle, causing more saliva to escape from between her lips. He deliberately turned his back on her and walked towards the creature lounging upon the couch situated in the opposite side of the room.



He still couldn't bring himself to completely trust the creature, but it was his route to power and so he would use it. He stopped several feet from the creature as its eyes fixed upon his own in a disturbingly hostile stare.



"Where, is my fresh magick source?" the creature demanded. "All of the ones you have brought me were useless. Together we could only affect small changes in time. They were petty and small minded"



It waved its hand towards the figure on the floor causing it to writhe and giggle.



"That one is useless now, although, it did please me for a time. You said it would be powerful enough. It wasn't, although, its mindless jealousy and hatred, tasted good. Now it doesn't. The power is gone, it tastes... sour. I prefer something sweet."



"Soon," Anderson interrupted, "We will have her soon. Then you can go home, and we will both have what we want."

       

"Hhmm..." breathed the creature. "Maybe I should just get it for myself. Perhaps you are deliberately delaying, hoping I will weaken and then you will control everything."



The creature rose from the couch, pulling itself up to its full height, towering over Anderson.



"No, NO! There's no need for you to exert yourself," said Anderson hastily. He knew the creature was nowhere close to its full strength but it could still destroy him in an instant if it took a mind to.

       

"We are going to acquire her, now, today"



"Make sure you do, I won't wait much longer. " It peered even more intensely into Anderson’s eyes.



"I could decide to stay here and make this my new home. Would you like that?? Or... do you want more than to be my new plaything?" It made a strange choking sound, which Andersdon realised, was laughter.



It sank back down onto the couch and turned its attention back to the figure on the floor, which in turn started to giggle and sing to itself.



"Oh Wiiill...low...." the figure crooned eerily "Wanna come play with Amy...?" She burst into high-pitched laughter.



Anderson shuddered as he left. It was time to brief the squad and secure the capture of Willow Rosenberg.









************************************************************************



England - Rupert Giles' home



"Just what the bloody hell is going on?!" exclaimed Giles, slipping into a chair in response to Tara’s sudden appearance and then disappearance.



"Best get on with things Ripper old mate, I've done my part for now. Ms. Maclay wont be amused if you fail to make those calls, and I can attest to the fact it's best to not annoy her," Ethan said ruefully.



"What do you mean...what is your part in all of this Ethan?" Spluttered Giles.



"I told you Ripper. I had to come here, tell you what I know and what had happened. I was under orders from Ms. Maclay no less. And you know as well as I do that no matter your persuasion... chaos or otherwise, when someone from that high up tells you to do something, you bloody well better get on and do it. Besides, she can be very persuasive." Ethan looked critically at Giles; "She has tremendous faith in your curiosity to know everything," Ethan laughed, "I told her you would kill me on the spot, she said if I talked fast enough, you would listen. She was right."



"Why didn't she just come and tell me herself?" asked Giles.



"You heard for yourself. She wasn't supposed to be here, said she couldn't Old Mate, said I would have to be the messenger and hope you were feeling more curious than deadly." Ethan finished what was left in the bottle and placed it back on the table.



"Time I was leaving, Make the calls Ripper. We'll be seeing each other again I'm sure. So no point in a long goodbye. "



"Wait Ethan…"



"Sorry Ripper. I really do have to go"



Giles let him leave. He took off his glasses, started cleaning them absently. He recognised he was in shock. He needed to snap out of it. He glanced over at the crystal decanter, the one proudly displaying his little plastic monster, *Tara* he mused. *Just what have you become? *



The only way to get to the bottom of this was to do as Tara requested and make the calls.





*****************************************************************

The Woods - Near Sunnydale.



The woods teemed with wildlife, insects buzzed and scurried about and birds individually or collectively, filled the air with their songs and calls, except for one small area. Here, no bird or insect could be seen or heard and any animal that would chance that way avoided the scorched earth between the two similarly scarred trees. The area was cocooned in silence and the air was still.



So there was nothing to witness the change in the burnt ground as it started to vibrate and tremble. The trees shook as a blackened and scorched object thrust its way to the surface.



The hand, for it became clear that was what it was, waved briefly, almost as though it was testing and tasting the air. Then it vanished beneath the surface again. Everything returned to its former stillness and silence. The sun made its way towards the horizon and the shadows in the woods lengthened.



        Once again the barren earth between the trees trembled. This time, however, there was added a sound, a distant wailing, quiet at first, like a siren, heard from a great distance. It came from deep below the earth’s crust, increasing in crescendo, as the tremors became more violent, until it became a primordial scream. The ground ruptured as a hideous creature burst forth. Rising into the air with the force of its exit from the bowels of the earth.



As the creature fell back down, it could be seen that it was, or had at least once, been, human. It staggered to its feet. Slowly raising its head to look around. It grinned. A vile evil grin that grew broader as the creature stretched out its arms.



It brought a hand towards its face, turning it this way and that, wiggling the fingers. It stared at the index finger and it started to smoke, a little at first, then more. He started to laugh, as the finger became fire, followed swiftly by the whole hand and then the arm. The flames continued to spread as he laughed gleefully, until the whole body was engulfed in a controlled blaze and from the midst of the flames, the creatures eyes sparkled with delight.



He spread his arms wide, throwing back his head and the woods were filled with his laughter. He paused, concentrated, pointed toward one of the already scarred trees. A ball of flame shot from his hand and the tree exploded.



He withdrew his hand, looked down at himself and concentrated once again. All of the flames subsided and an ordinary looking man stood in the clearing. He looked himself over, shook his dark tousled hair from his eyes and for the first time he spoke.         "Oh yes! OH YES! This is good, this is very good!" and he set off, striding through the woods. Heading towards the distant city lights that could occasionally be glimpsed through the trees.



Eventually, he came to a road and his progress quickened. He would need to find clothes and then check this place out, find some action.



The town’s "Welcome" sign came into view and after reading it, he burnt it to a crisp.



"Sunnydale..." he mused, it had a nice ring to it and for some reason, it felt like home.





TBC.

**********************************************

Edited by: EffieBlue at: 4/12/03 7:04:32 pm

[willntlover]

Sweet!



Oh, lotsa questions Warren, the bullet, Buffy! Dude, I am so excited!! Is there more????



-Will

"I think finding her soulmate would have made Tara a more confident and secure person" -Amber Benson

[Washi]

Effie, I knew you'd write up something great !

Now, you better update, or I will not be happy.

Seriously, good job. Told ya too have faith.

********



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa

[xita]

Great start, you have so much action going on everywhere, heavy on plot and action with a great w/t plot. What is going on with Tara? My guess is she doesn't want Willow to know because she can't see her right now. Willow knowing Tara is out there but not being able to see her would be a disaster, heartbreaking. I look forward to more!

-----------------------------------

Only 50 cents

[EffieBlue]

Willntlover: Thank you. Yes, there’s lots more to come.



Washi: Thanks for your encouragement, many updates are on the way!



Xita Thank you for your feedback. There’s a lot more plot and action ahead.



I hope you all enjoy the story.





Title: The Realm of the Meaning of Things.

Author: Jill, EffieBlue.

Rating: PG13 (may change)

Disclaimer: JW, ME, etc; own them.

Spoilers: A bit of 5 a lot of 6 there is no 7!



Summary. I got fed up of Willow being blamed for anything and everything, so I decided to make it Not So.



Thanks to Brenda for her beta work, all her ideas and showing me where the commas and full stops go







*I’ve altered parts of the following piece, I felt in light of current events, some of the thoughts of ‘Colonel Anderson’ were too harsh and cynical in regard to his young soldiers. However I did feel some had to be included to give an insight into his true mindset.*





The next part. The one where things get confusingly clearer.





The Coven - England.



Willow sat nervously picking at a lose thread on her shirt cuff. She stared at the frayed ends, wondering when had her clothes got so shabby, she had lost so much weight that nothing really fit her and she just couldn't be bothered buying new stuff. It was just another one of those things, which she could see no point in caring about. She glanced at the clock on the wall, trying to figure out how long she had been in England. Her brain felt fuzzy and dull. She sighed and realised it just wasn't important how long she'd been here. She was here. Giles had met her at the airport and they had driven straight here, to The Coven.



Giles had greeted her with a hug and then they had set off. He had tried to start several conversations with her during the long drive, but had seemed almost relieved when she didn't respond with more than a couple of words. Eventually though, Giles hadn't been able to stand the silence and had reached over and turned on the car stereo. Loud discordant seventies rock music issued from the car speakers. Willow had tried to ignore it, but she couldn't help making a note of some of the words, and noticing Giles, whose head was sort of nodding to the music, she almost felt herself smile at him.



She coughed slightly, getting his attention, "Giles, what is this? And just what does....” She paused to recall the words, " 'There'll be no mutant enemy’ mean and do drugs help you to understand it?"



Giles laughed quietly, "The answer is: It's Yes, I've no idea and… yes, or so I've heard" he added quickly



She hadn't replied and had turned away watching the landscape flow quickly past them. She couldn't recall whether the music had just ended or if Giles had turned it off.



They had finished the journey in silence.



She leaned back in the chair and tried to relax. She had willingly come here; even though Buffy had been reluctant to let her leave and Dawn had said she didn't really want her to go. She had hugged them both and asked Buffy to get Xander to drive her to the airport.



She was glad to get away. Out from under their constant gaze. They watched her all the time, surreptitiously; there would always be someone around keeping an eye on her.



It wasn't that they were waiting for her to bring destruction down upon them. No, it was checking in case she had harmed herself. It was slowly driving her mad. The continual asking if she was ok...did she need anything. Of course she wasn't freaking well ok. Tara was dead. She'd tried to kill them all, oh yeah, she was just fine and dandy and as for needing anything, Tara, she needed Tara.



They tiptoed around her; she couldn't remember the last normal conversation she'd had with Buffy or Xander.



The one person she felt comfortable with was Anya. No tiptoeing there. If Anya came in for "Willow Watch" (as she referred to it) and saw she'd been crying she would come right out and ask if she felt like destroying anything. And if she did, could it please not be the shop as she was still clearing dust from the demolition job she'd done before. Anya had given Willow several long lectures on the amount of dust that is released when a building is demolished, but she had also thanked Willow, as it had given her several ideas for vengeance in the future. Dust in Anya’s opinion was something to be respected and was possibly from some tremendously hellish dimension.



But even Anya wouldn't mention Tara, every time Willow tried to talk about Tara to anyone they would suddenly have to be doing something, elsewhere, out on patrol, collecting pizza, a need to tidy the kitchen and re organise cupboards would suddenly come over who ever she was talking to. Moreover, it wasn't helping her; it was depressing her. She knew it was upsetting Dawn too. She knew why they were doing it, they were afraid, afraid of what the consequences might be, if she became too upset. When would they understand she needed to talk about Tara?



The other evening, Xander had wanted a video night, like they all used to share, he had suggested a couple of films, and Dawn said she had already seen them with Tara. She had started to laugh and tell how one time after the movie when they were having drinks, Tara had kept saying..."Good God, that's a lot of shake..." Then as everyone had stared at her, Dawn had gone very quiet and run to her room. Later, Willow had heard Buffy talking to Dawn in her room. Dawn had obviously been crying, she was telling Buffy about Tara wanting her to eat green leafy stuff and how now she couldn't eat pancakes for breakfast anymore because no one made them like Tara. Willow had then heard Dawn say that Tara had promised her she would always be there for her and now she wasn't she was gone then Dawn had burst into tears again.



Willow sighed at the memory, poor Dawnie. She should be able to talk about Tara. When she got back to Sunnydale (if she got back she corrected herself) she would have a long talk with Dawn. Explain to her that she needed to talk about Tara too, and that she wanted to hear all of her movie and Tara stories.



Yes, she was glad for this time away.



Now. If only this Margaret woman would tell her why she was here. So far, all she had done was say hello, stare at her and tell her to wait. Then she had whisked Giles off to another room.



Well. Here she was. Waiting. She glanced at the clock again. Giles and Margaret had been gone for ages.



Well, she thought, they probably have a lot to discuss. They must need to work out some long penance she would have to do. Whatever they came up with wouldn't come close to what she was putting herself through.



Maybe they were devising a way she could show everyone how sorry she was. There had to be something she could do to make them all understand that she was sorry and there was no way it would happen again. She had been out of her mind with grief. In fact out of her mind totally. Maybe that was it! That was why she was here. They were finally going to lock her up in some special asylum for insane witches, and throw away the key.



Well, they could go right ahead, lock up and throw the key as far away as they could, maybe drugs would be useful too... lots of them, to stop the screaming inside her head, extra strong ones for the night-time when the screaming was worse. That would be a bonus... if the screams stopped.



Her thoughts were interrupted as the door opened.



"Willow, can you come through please..." Giles beckoned her into the room.



She jumped up quickly; anxious but eager now to get on with whatever they were going to do with her.



**************************************************



Giles smiled at Willow reassuringly as he ushered her through the door into a dimly lit room. The room was filled with the smell of incense and the air inside seemed somehow thicker. There were three comfortable looking chairs in the room, one of which was already occupied by Margaret Brin. She too smiled at Willow as she indicated that she take the chair opposite her.



Margaret’s smile pushed Willows anxiety level up another notch. She and Tara had watched the "Green Mile" on video one night. She knew every one smiled at the prisoner, right before he was executed.



"Please, Willow, sit," again Margaret gestured for her to take a seat. Giles took the seat next to the one Willow gingerly lowered herself into. Willow sat on the edge of the chair, her hands clasping and unclasping in front of her.



"Relax Willow" Margaret said quietly. "I'm not going to hurt you, you are safe here"



"Err...Oh...Ok," Willow responded; her now unclasped hands fluttered nervously. "But…y'know, I know I'm in a world of trouble and I know I have to be punished, and I just wanted to say, you can throw away the key, or better still melt it down... make it into something useful... a paper weight... or an ornament... some jewellery-- "



"Willow, shhhh... " Giles interrupted her.



"Sorry, I'm very much on the nervous side of things here," Willow tried to smile, but it came across more as a desperate grimace.



“You are not here to be punished Willow," Margaret looked surprised and glared at Giles.



"Then what's going to happen to me?" Willow’s question came out as a frightened whisper.





*******************************************************



Nevada



The young Lieutenant snapped to attention. "At ease Soldier" said Anderson



He surveyed his small elite squad. This was all that was left of the Nevada based Initiative. They were all of a type. They obeyed orders and they believed what they were told. Those that had balked when confronted by behaviour conditioned demons, didn't last and were of no use. 'Accidents' happen all the time during military training, it was the nature of the job. .



The word travelled swiftly amongst new troops. If you didn't like what you saw, you kept your mouth shut and you got on with the job, No one once at the base, put in for a transfer. The end of the Sunnydale Initiative had put a dent in morale. It had been stupid to decide to close down all operations and he had argued long and hard against it, but in the end he had been ordered to stand down. Then Rayne had escaped; letting out unchipped HST's as he went. A lot of soldiers had been lost in the ensuing bloody and vicious battle and just as many potentially useful demons were gone too. To Anderson’s annoyance, his dark magick wielder had been devoured during the fight.



Anderson had been furious. He was a meticulous planner. Once he understood the Dej’Showon demon could manipulate time and travel between dimensions, he spent hour after hour with it, discovering what its world was like and his plan had formulated. HE would be in that time/place. He would rule along with the Dej’Showon creature. He would enable the creature to get back to it's own time and dimension and absolute rule over humans would be his reward. Eventually of course, the demon would no longer be of use and then Anderson would have it all.



He had used one dark magick witch after another to manipulate various past events; they had loved the power of controlling time, even though it was for brief moments. They were so wrapped up in their own desires it had been easy to hide his true intentions from them. They were always more interested in their petty little rewards, they never saw past their own moment of power. They were easy to use and manipulate. However, none had been strong enough to make the greater shift through time and dimensions, to enable him to send his army of soldiers and demons to the one place where he would rule.



So he'd used one witch to procure a stronger witch and so on until he had the strongest yet, Amy Madison, and it had cost him more than one dark magick wielder to get her back from being a rat. Before he had managed to get her totally on his side his other dark magick wielder had been eaten. Nevertheless, eventually she had been seduced to his cause and although she now spent her days drooling in a corner, she had given him access to his ultimate goal. The powerful witch Willow Rosenberg.



Amy had given him the leverage he would need to get Rosenberg to work for him. Although, it had nearly gone horribly wrong when Rosenberg decided to put an end to the world. Problems, there were always problems to be ironed out.



Once Amy was back from being a rat, and he'd finally convinced her to work for him, she had been tireless in her efforts to subvert Rosenberg, and her jealousy of the relationship between the Maclay witch and Rosenberg had seemed to add fuel to the fire. Madison had manipulated every thing so much, that now Anderson wasn't sure what had been real to start with and Madison herself had gone slowly mad, especially after she had worked hard to split the two witches up and he'd shown her his surveillance tapes of them back together.



She had been incandescent with rage and he had thought she would kill Maclay herself. Then she had turned into a cold and calculating witch and had put all her efforts into securing the most devastating moment to kill Maclay. In her lover’s arms no less! However, after that last joining with the demon to slip through time to kill Maclay, something had apparently gone awry. Madison had returned. At least her body arrived but something had fractured Madison’s mind, leaving her the gibbering wreck, she now was.



SO. Acquiring Willow Rosenberg was now his priority. His need for her superior power to effect the greater time and dimensional shift was paramount. Now he was solely in charge of the base too. The remaining soldiers isolated from outside events believed they were still part of a highly secret, yet approved force. As far as those outside were concerned, they were closed down. Merely here cleaning up. Nothing would stop his vision; he would have his rightful place of power yet!



If only he knew for sure how much Rayne had discovered on his way out. He knew Rayne had managed to pass on some information but not how much. This uncertainty forced his hand. He couldn't afford to waste time with his original plan to make it look like the witch had left Sunnydale of her own accord. Now they would just have to go in and take her.



He addressed the squad. "Is everyone clear on this mission?"



"Yes Sir!" answered the Lieutenant. "We will secure the witch from Sunnydale and transport her direct to the base."



"Unfortunately Lieutenant, that has changed" responded Anderson. "The Witch is now in England. We have her location. Rayne has, after all, made contact with his old acquaintance Rupert Giles. I had hoped the history between them would have prevented that, or at least have resulted in Rayne’s death before he could convince Rupert Giles that he wasn't a raving lunatic, we have no idea how much information has been passed on."



Anderson continued forcefully. "We know where the Witch is. Once you are dropped in, you secure the Witch by any means possible without killing her. Rupert Giles is to be neutralised along with Rayne if he is there…” The Colonel was suddenly interrupted by the arrival of a comms officer who handed him a message. He read it swiftly and nodded his dismissal to the soldier.



“Lieutenant, we have a satellite uplink confirmed, you will have twenty minutes to obtain detailed pictures of the area where Rosenberg is holed up. Then we are moving out and an in depth briefing can take place once we are in the air.”



“Colonel Anderson, Sir?” Lieutenant Millard was confused.



“What is the problem soldier?”



“How can we mount an operation in England? I just don’t see how we can get in and out without someone knowing we were there?”



“We have an interested party in England who are offering us the cover of a training exercise. They will be sending in an interrogation and clean up crew. It’s a trade off, we get Rosenberg, and they get their hands on the people who are sheltering her. Now, is that all Lieutenant? We are on a tight schedule with the satellite link.” He handed Millard a slip of paper. “These are the GPS co-ordinates you need and toady’s access code. Snap to it soldier!”



“Yes Sir!”



As Anderson left, Millard turned to his squad. “Cottenham. Get on that link-up and download the Intel. The rest of you get the equipment ready we move out in..” He checked his watch. “Seventeen minutes.”



They jumped into action and Millard joined Cottenham to check on his progress. He leaned forward in anticipation as the first satellite pictures came on screen. Cottenham zoomed in. The Southwest coastline of Britain quickly disappeared to be replaced by roads and hills. Villages came into view as Cottenham clicked rapidly onto the destined location. Once he reached maximum zoom the computer took over, rotating the image until a detailed 3D CGI of the facility was produced. They now had clear details of all entry and exit points. The computer continued to extrapolate the data and a Simm of the interior of the building was created.



Cottenham paused, and checked, then double-checked data that was on a constant stream across the adjacent monitor. He frowned then entered a series of commands. His frown deepened. What he was seeing didn’t make sense. Millard sensing his unease rolled his chair over to the monitor.



“What’s the problem Roy?”



“I’m not sure, but something isn’t kosher with our satellite uplink”



“Are we losing the link? Do we have all the data downloaded?”



“We’re not losing the link, that’s not the problem. Yes we almost have the data, another 90 seconds should secure it.” He turned to face Millard. “Paul, Why would a Government approved outfit like ours, have to piggyback our link to a spy satellite that we control? It doesn’t make sense.” Cottenham moved to one side to allow Millard access to the console. “Not only that, our signal is running through a rapid data rotation that stops it being picked up on. Except…”



“Except what?” Millard prompted him to continue.



“Except that after twenty minutes the satellite’s own security system will shut the link down. Normally it would shut down the second it registers an intruder signal. But our signal keeps changing but maintaining the link up. The satellite security system just registers it as natural background noise on its secure signal. After twenty minutes though it shuts down the link because it can’t filter out the background ‘noise’ and it attempts to re-establish a ‘clean’ link. If it picks up the ‘noise’ again it automatically shuts down and a goes into a full maintenance programme and alerts satellite command that there is a problem.” Roy paused, his confusion mounting. “Add to that, to ‘piggyback’ this way you have to know all the access and connection codes, which are changed daily, means you have to be part of the security network…. Why would we need to hide the fact we’re using our own satellite?”



Millard double-checked the data streaming in front of him. Cottenham was right. But he needed to check this on his own.



“Get that Intel onto disk for the in-flight briefing then grab yours and my gear, I’ll check this out. And Roy?”



Cottenham paused as he ejected the data disk. “What?”



“Don’t mention this to anyone else, not ‘till I’ve had a chance to check it out, ok?”



“You agree then, something’s not right with this?”



“I don’t know Roy, just cover for me so I can at least try and find out.”



Roy nodded and grabbing the disk he started to leave, “Paul, be careful ok, I won’t be able to stall for long, Anderson is going to be suspicious if we’re not ready to depart right on schedule, and the last person to make Anderson jumpy, hasn’t been seen around for a while.”



**********************************************

[EffieBlue]

The Coven



Margaret sighed and gently took Willows hand "You're here Willow, for us to help you. Help you deal with the power you have. Help you get back your control, your confidence in yourself..."



"I don't want it," Willow looked at Margaret startled by her words and shaking her head defiantly. "NO! Definitely, don't want it. I kill people, I hurt those I love and who love me and....." tears started to fall down her face, "Even with all that power, I still couldn't save her, I couldn't stop her getting killed." Willow’s voice trailed off ending in sobs. "I just destroy everything, that's all my power does..."



"Well. I can see we have quite a lot to do here," Margaret threw Giles a withering glance. "You and I, Rupert, are going to have a serious talk about how this has been handled."



Giles found himself shifting uncomfortably in his chair as Margaret glared at him, knowing she was right to be angry, this could have turned out a lot better if he'd just contacted Margaret as soon as he'd started to worry about Willow. If he'd only listened to his own inner voice telling him that things were, well... wrong. Now with the information from Ethan Rayne added to all that he had learned from Margaret since arriving at the coven, he allowed himself to be consoled slightly with the small fact that he too had unknowingly been affected by the manipulation of Willow’s life, but he knew he should have listened to that little voice that had kept nagging at him that said “something just isn’t right here...” It was all such a bloody mess, and all so bloody complicated, and yet all so bloody simple. As Margaret had started to explain all that her Seers had managed to unravel (before they too had become almost maddened with confusion) he had felt both relief and fear. Relief that soon the truth of the past awful year would be revealed and fear that if what had been discovered was true, they were all still very much in danger.



He understood too, why Tara had told him not to tell Willow that he had seen her, the state her mind was in at the moment, who knows what that would do to her.



Margaret gently stroked Willow’s hand as she continued to talk softly to her, "You can't just get rid of your power Willow, it's yours, it's part of you, and it always has been. Now you have to learn to control it properly, understanding what has happened will begin to help you do that."



"But it comes from darkness" exclaimed Willow "I have to get rid of it."



"Ok. This has to end right now!" Margaret let the anger she had been endeavouring to keep under control creep into her voice. She clasped Willow’s hand tighter, forcing Willow to look at her. "Your power does not come from darkness Willow. Yes, there is darkness, but that does not come from you. Yours is a different power. You have the ability to use and control the darkness. You need to understand who and what you are Willow. I'm going to try and show you that." Margaret looked deeply into Willows eyes.



"You and I Willow are going for a little wander together"



"We're going for a walk?" Willow’s voice came out as a confused squeak "Walking is good, it's safe, yes, walking is ok...."



Margaret laughed softly, Willow instantly felt herself relax.



"No Willow, we're not actually going for a walk. We're going to do something I understand you are already familiar with, something you have already done with Buffy when she withdrew into herself...."



"How do you know about that?" Willow panicked, sure that the time she had entered Buffy's mind to bring her back to them, was now going to be added to her list of wrong-doings, "I had to do it, We needed her, it was the only way to reach her and...."



"Calm down, it's ok, Rupert told me about it when I explained to him what I was going to do with you, I was hoping as you had already experienced this, then you would be a little more relaxed, and understand what we are going to do." Margaret explained.



"But I'm not in a coma, can we do that if I'm not in a coma?" Now Willow was scared, not for herself though, "What if I do something to you...y'know," her voice became a whisper, "Something bad."



"You won’t Willow. Even if you wanted to, I am protected here; you would not be able to hurt me. Not with magick" Margaret reassured Willow. "For now, I want you to get a good nights rest, tomorrow will be a very tiring day for you, you will need to be very strong to get through this Willow but you can do it."



"I can't, I mean, I don't sleep...."



"I have prepared something for you Willow, it will enable you to sleep tonight, your room will be shielded and wards set up, you will be able to get a peaceful sleep, at least for tonight, I 'm hoping that after tomorrow, you won’t have the same trouble sleeping."



"I don't understand... what is happening to my room?"



"You know what a dream catcher is?" Margaret continued when Willow nodded to her, "well this is like a dream catcher but on a much larger scale, it will allow you to get at least one night of peaceful rest. It's not something that can be done every night, it wouldn't be healthy, never to dream. Now, I will get someone to show you up to your room and get you something to eat. I know.... You don't eat either, I can see that, but tonight you will need to eat at least a small amount to have some strength for tomorrow."



Margaret stood and held her hand out to Willow, helping her out of her chair, Willow could feel the strength and power of the woman and it gave her some confidence that maybe things could get resolved in her head. They certainly couldn't get any worse.



"Goodnight Willow, I will see you tomorrow, Rupert." As Margaret left, she nodded briefly to Giles and he cringed inwardly, he knew she was angry with him and was not looking forward to the time when she would hold him to account for the past disastrous months.



A young woman, tapped quietly on the door and entered, "Ms Rosenberg, Mr Giles, I'm to show you to your rooms now."



Willow followed Giles and the young woman upstairs, after Giles had been shown to his room, Willow was alone with the young woman, and she hadn't spoken to her since leaving the room downstairs. Willow noticed however that she kept glancing at her nervously. She realised that the young woman was terrified of her. She cleared her throat in an attempt to speak, to say something to put the woman at ease but it had the opposite effect, making the woman jump and glance even more nervously at her. Willow watched relief spread across her face as she indicated that they had reached the room that had been allocated to Willow.



"Thank you...." Willow had no chance to say any more, the woman had fled, hurrying down the hallway to the stairs and disappearing from sight.



Willow looked around the room, it was extremely comfortable, and the bed was huge made of some dark wood that she couldn't identify and covered in a thick quilt. A window looked out over the grounds of the house revealing a view of neat gardens and lush green countryside. Another door in the room led to an en suite bathroom with a large deep inviting bathtub.



Her bag had been placed on the bed and she opened it to unpack the few clothes she had brought with her. Jumpers and jeans that with a belt she was still able to wear even though she had lost a lot of weight. None of her skirts fit her anymore it was pointless bringing any with her. At the bottom of her bag was her nightwear. She pulled out the flannel top and bottoms, light blue with crescent moons and stars, before placing them on her pillow; she buried her face into them struggling to hold back her tears. She sighed and placed them gently on her pillow, smoothing them, straightening them reluctant to break contact with the soft feel of the garments.



A knock at her door broke into her mood and she hurried to answer it.



It was the same young woman who had shown her to her room, she was holding a tray with a bowl of soup and a plate of crusty bread and cheese on it and a cup of some steaming liquid that Willow couldn't identify.



"Y-your supper Ms Rosenberg..."



"Willow... please, call me Willow" she reached to take the tray but the woman indicated she would bring it into the room and Willow moved away from the door to allow her to enter.



"What is your name? Please, I don't know what to call you… and you've been very kind to Me." *Especially when you are scared out of your wits being anywhere near me* Willow finished to herself.



"My name is Laura. Where would you like me to put your supper?"



"Oh… on... on the desk please." Willow pointed to the small desk by the window.



Laura placed the tray on the desk and turned to leave.



"I won't hurt you, you know."



"I know, I'm sorry about before, I was being stupid...I was just a little..."



"Scared out of your wits?" Willow finished for her.



Laura smiled and looked embarrassed, "yes, well... more like totally terrified... it's not your fault, but everything has been very strange here for the past few months, even our most experienced Seers have been unable to tell what is going on, some have been so confused they haven't been able to read anything at all... it's put us all on edge."



"And now I'm here, the murderer, who tried to end the world. Yes, I can see how that would make life a breeze.... I'm sorry, that was unfair of me and rude. I really shouldn't be allowed round people,” Willow tried to apologise to Laura.



"I better go... I've upset you... and besides you need to eat. The drink is a herbal tea it will help you relax and sleep."



"Thank you Laura, you haven't upset me. I'm just not... not good with people anymore." *Still the master of the understatement though*



"Goodnight Willow, sleep well."



"Goodnight Laura."



Willow closed the door as Laura left, leaning against it. She felt so tired. She would definitely drink the tea and try to at least eat some of the food, everyone was going to such trouble for her, and she didn't want to disappoint them any more than she had done already. Then she would have a bath, try to make herself clean enough to wear Tara’s pj's... the problem with that though, was she never felt clean enough for anything that belonged to Tara but she knew there was no way she would get even the smallest amount of sleep without wearing the soft flannel that Tara had worn so often.



It was the one thing she was obsessed about, wearing Tara’s pj's and making sure she was scrubbed clean before she put them on. She had shocked Buffy when she had gone into a panic when Buffy had put the pyjamas in the wash without telling her. Willow had refused to go to bed until they had been dried and returned to her. It had prompted a Scooby meeting the next day to discuss her mental health, she hadn't been invited to attend but Anya in her usual blunt way had informed her of the discussion and that in her opinion if Willow behaved so openly mad, she would end up locked up in some remote mental institution. When Willow told her she didn't really care, Anya got angry and told her it wasn't about her caring.



This time it was how everyone else was feeling. Buffy was distraught that she had done something to upset Willow, Xander was angry that Buffy had upset Willow, Dawn was angry at Xander for being angry with Buffy, and everyone was angry at themselves for feeling they couldn't cope and would have to get someone else to take care of Willow... and everyone would be angry with Anya if they knew she had told Willow. It had the desired effect on Willow; she had made sure she took care of her own washing and tried to make as little impact on the lives of the others as possible. After a few days of no obvious outpourings of madness, things had settled into a sort of routine and she kept her obsession to herself as much as possible.



Now she had supper to eat and a bath to run. As Margaret had pointed out, tomorrow was going to be very difficult and tiring.



***************************************



Tara watched silently as Willow emerged from the bathroom. She sighed watching Willow prepare herself for bed, she longed to just take her in her arms but she knew the time wasn't right... not yet, not until Willow saw for herself and realised that she was not to blame for the things that had happened both before and after Warren’s shooting spree.



Tara knew that if she just appeared and told Willow she wasn't to blame there would always be some doubt in Willow’s mind, years of always thinking she was never quite good enough, that somehow she would mess up and hurt the people she loved, would prevent her from truly believing in her own innocence. With what lay ahead for them both, for everyone, there could be no doubt, Willow needed to trust herself, trust her power and trust in her ability to use it without hesitation. Tomorrow was going to be hard on Willow and Tara was here tonight to watch over her, keep the nightmares at bay, she smiled inwardly at Margaret’s little dream catcher deception. She was determined this would be the last night that she and Willow would ever spend apart.



Just one more night and they would be together again… forever.



TBC

[Washi]

Ok, I'm confused, but in a good way. They're gonna get back together! One more day!

I hope it's one more day before you update, 'cause I'm gonna be soo down if not. Keep up the great work!

********



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa

[MellindraX]

This is sad, but definite cute potential! I love your explanation for what happened, and of course Tara's a being of immense power from the good side! It explains everything

Can't wait for more!

It is my solace, my home, the place where my walls crumble and fall away, because no one can know who I truly am. Thank goodness for the Internet, preserver of sanity! -Unknown

[Grimlock72]

The world wouldn't miss Ethan Rayne all that much I think, get rid of him already. Tara could just as easily have told Giles herself, hardly likely he would listen or believe his favourite enemy



Mr. Anderson is quite the power-junkie ain't he ? That only works as long as the majority of his soldiers believe him though. If they don't his operation will end really fast. What makes him think the time-demon will do anything he wants anyway ?



Come to think of it, how does he contain witches ? Does he convince them somehow, or get them addicted perhaps, hmm ?? I wondered about that when the raid on the English coven was discussed to kidnap Willow. How on earth do they plan to contain a powerfull witch like that ? (powerfull even according to Initiative intel.)



The 'little rewards' the cooperating witches created using that time-demon.... well I can guess as to what Willow's most wanted "reward" would be. The question is if she would dare to get that reward, considering how Buffy came back and it IS messing with life and death after all.



How Anderson wants to use Amy to get Willow to cooperate kinda escapes me at this time. Surely they're are not what I would 'friends' anymore after that last birthday present Amy gave Willow. And he better not tell Willow that Amy caused that strange bullet trajectory.....



Sad to see other people in the coven evading Willow. Granted they have some reason to do that but it's still sad to see that happen to Willow



Grimmy

--

She(Tara) knew that she was Willow too. If she knew that then why hadn't Willow herself? That wasn't fair. She was Willow. she should have known that first. -- Willow in _Sidestep Chronicle_ (part 80)

[EffieBlue]

Washi. Confused? You will be LOL, well hopefully it will all become clear in time..





Mellindrax Sadness, but happiness on the way (eventually..) and yeah, of course Tara would be from the ‘Good side.’



Grimmlock Hopefully all will fall into place.



Yeah Anderson is a power mad type of guy. As for the other witches that he used, he found it didn’t need much to get them to do what he wanted because they were too wrapped up in their own corrupt little worlds.



The Amy thing? All will become clearer …..







Small update below.





Title: The Realm of the Meaning of Things.

Author: Jill, EffieBlue.

Rating: PG13 (may change)

Disclaimer: JW, ME, etc; own them.

Spoilers: A bit of 5 a lot of 6 there is no 7!



Summary. I got fed up of Willow being blamed for anything and everything, so I decided to make it Not So.



Thanks to Brenda for her beta work, all her ideas and showing me where the commas and full stops go

Thanks to Washi for all the encouragement and to everyone else in chat for endless discussions and ideas.



The next bit.





Sunnydale



The Creature approached the outskirts of the town with caution, slinking through the alleyways: on the look out for some clothes and something to eat. He was hungry and he liked the feeling even though it meant he was a little weak. If he'd been stronger he wouldn't still be naked, he had seen several people whose clothes he rather liked, but he wasn't quite strong enough yet to just take what he wanted. Moreover, he hadn't fully tested his control. There was every chance he would have ended up with a pile of ash instead of decent clothes.



He slipped into another dark alley as a car headed towards him down the street.



At the other end of the alley, something was moving, it caught his attention, whatever it was, it was being as cautious as he was. As he drew closer, he could see it was a man. He silently made his way towards him. Suddenly his quarry turned around and eyeing him up and down grinned at him.



"Well, well, it would appear I haven't missed lunch after all"



The creature was startled, he hadn't expected this, wasn't this man supposed to be taken aback at his nakedness, at his sudden appearance in the alley? Maybe things had changed more than he had thought. It had been an awful long time since he had been around people after all. His thoughts were broken as he realised instead of getting a snack; he was about to become one.



The man’s face had changed, it had grown broader and lumpy and his teeth were now longer and pointed. He was licking his lips as he eyed his naked snack.



The creature smiled, he now knew this wasn't just a man; it was a demon, a vampire and he could kill vampires... actually, he grinned to himself, he could kill anything he wanted to. Time to test his control.



He allowed the vampire to get close to him, allowed it to touch him. The vampire grasped his shoulders and brought his fangs towards his neck, he felt the teeth pierce his skin and the vampire’s lips closed on his neck. He closed his eyes and concentrated as the vampire sucked. He allowed the vampire to suck and swallow for a few seconds and then he twisted sharply and pulled away, jumping out of the vampire’s reach, to where he could watch what happened.



The swift movement of his snack surprised the vampire; he was angry, he only had the briefest taste of the naked man’s blood. He felt the hot blood trickle down his throat, it felt good, and he wanted more of this sweet hot blood, WAIT! The blood was not just hot; it was burning him. He clutched at this throat and tried to scream.



The creature sprang forward, knocking the vampire to the ground; he quickly removed its clothes. Once he'd pulled on the jeans and T-shirt, he stood back to watch the progress of his handy work. The vampire was writhing on the ground, clutching at himself trying to cry out.



The creature sighed. This would soon be over. Pity. He loved to watch things in agony. Demon or human, he didn't care he could destroy them all and feast on their flames as they burnt in front of him. Their agonies fed him; their pain made him strong.



There was a scream as the vampire exploded in a shower of dust having been set on fire from within. The creature was covered in the dust and he spat some out of his mouth in disgust. A breeze travelled down the alleyway and he brushed himself down trying to remove all of the vampire’s remains from his clothes, he bent down to remove a sheet of newspaper that had tangled around his leg in the breeze. As he did so, he caught sight of his reflection in a broken piece of glass beside a waste bin.



"Well, look at me!" He turned his head this way and that to get a better look at himself. "I'm quite young this time" he said to himself, he pulled at the newspaper again, glancing at it as he did so. He lifted it up. Looked at the main picture, looked at his reflection, then back to the picture. On the dirty newspaper was a picture of three young men all smiling. His was the face in the middle. He checked the writing under the picture. He said his name aloud, just to hear what it sounded like; it had been a long time since he'd had a real face and a name to go with it.



Then he sauntered off down the alley in search of some thing more substantial to eat than essence of vampire.





***************************



The Coven.



Willow's mind was in turmoil; she was trying desperately to digest the information that Margaret had just spent an hour telling her. When she had arrived downstairs and been shown into Margaret's study to wait for her she had felt relaxed. Last night she'd had the best night’s sleep in a long time. There had been no nightmares; she had felt protected and loved. It had boosted her confidence in Margaret. She had told Willow she would have no nightmares and she had been right.



Now she didn't know what to think. Margaret had just finished telling her that according to information Giles had recently been given and everything that the Seers at the coven had been able to unravel, nothing she knew of her life for the past god knows how many months could be trusted. That somehow it had been tampered with, altered. Now they were going to try to find out how and why.



One part of Willow was excited, eager to explore the whole concept of altering time. How was it done? Could they go forwards as well as back? Was that a stupid question? Was it magick or science? Was it both? Was magick the 'M' in M Theory? No! That was a different theory, something to do with multiple universes.... What would be the consequences of meeting herself?



The other part felt sick, lost, and confused and downright bloody angry. She told her analytical scientific self to shut the hell up. The how’s could wait, the why was what she wanted to know right know. Margaret was convinced that they could find that and more by continuing with their plan to get inside her head, that there could be echoes of changes hidden away within her mind. She'd sort of lost the thread a bit there, still dwelling on the fact that someone had tampered with her life. Now she just wanted to get on with finding out why.



Willow took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Ok, I'm ready."



She listened to Margaret and Giles bustling about, preparing the ritual for Margaret to enter her mind.





"That's it, we are ready to start, Rupert, I would like you to stay," Margaret spoke quietly.



Margaret began the ritual, chanting softly and lighting the candles in sequence. Willow kept her eyes closed, tried to keep her breathing steady and remain relaxed. As Margaret took her hands, Willow gasped and she felt her stomach lurch and an image blossomed in her head.



She was standing next to Margaret who was still holding her hand; Margaret turned to face her and smiled reassuringly.



"Ok Willow, let's have a good look around, and see what there is to see...."



Margaret was confident and relaxed; she started to walk forward, taking Willow with her. The scenery shifted around them as they walked until they were watching Willow arguing with Buffy, they appeared to be in a hospital.



"Do you recognise this Willow?" asked Margaret.



"Yes...yes I do, it's just after Tara was hurt by Glory and I....” She stopped as she saw herself walk away from Buffy.



"I don't want to see this, I storm off. Then I go to the Magic Box and go after Glory...." She wanted to pull away from the scene as she watched herself leave the hospital, but Margaret held her hand tightly.



"Let's watch, Willow, and see it through. You can do this...” she whispered.



Willow nodded and tried to put on her resolve face.



The exit doors of the hospital slammed open and swung violently back to close. Willow marched purposefully through the Ambulance bay until she came to a bench and she threw herself down on it. Burying her face in her hands, she began to rock as she cried, repeating Tara’s name over and over, quietly to herself.



The hospital doors opened and Buffy emerged. She looked around and spotting Willow on the bench, she walked over to her. She sat by her side, putting her arms around Willow; she held her and began to talk softly.



"It'll be ok, we'll work it out, all of us together, we'll look after Tara. Find a way to make her better. I promise you Willow; somehow, we'll make everything right. Tara's a Scooby, one of us. We take care of each other, we're like those marines... we take care of our own." Buffy just kept talking and Willow slowly stopped crying, sat up a bit straighter. She sniffed loudly and roughly brushing away her tears, she nodded at Buffy’s words.



"I need to be strong... strong like an Amazon, for Tara, she would be for me."



Buffy stood and helped Willow to her feet. Together they walked back into the hospital where Giles, Xander and Anya waited for them.



"That's not right, that's not what happened.... How can this be in my head if it isn't what happened?" Willow was staring wildly at Margaret. "What's going on..." Willow felt confused and lost.



"Let's wait, see what happens, and try to stay calm. I'm sure we'll be able to make sense of it all."



Suddenly everything lurched and Willow felt nauseous, grasping onto Margaret tightly as the scene below them shifted.



As before, Willow watched as she exited the hospital and made her way to the bench. As she sat there rocking it was if there was a glitch in a film, it became jerky and

Willow appeared to be listening to something; there was a continuous buzzing sound that could be heard all around.



"What's happening?" Willow asked Margaret.



"I'm not sure, something is different, changed somehow..."



The hospital doors started to open and Buffy could be seen about to emerge into the ambulance bay, but she never made it. She slowed and eventually came to a complete stop, halfway through the doors... frozen in time.



"Aha! So that's how she did it." Muttered Margaret.



"Who? What? Who did what?" Willow almost yelled.



Margaret didn't answer, she continued to mutter something under her breath and then she waved her hand at the scene below, the buzzing noise slowed, eventually changing into audible speech patterns and the scene of Willow on the bench changed too, jerking about, one second Willow was alone, next there was a person, a woman, behind her...then back to Willow alone.



It became clear what was happening.



Amy would appear behind Willow then disappear then appear again. At this speed she could be seen and heard but at normal speed, she was invisible moving too quickly to be seen by the naked eye and her words were a high-pitched buzz. Now, slowed down her voice could be clearly heard.



“Is that it, all you are going to do? Sit there crying, your girlfriend is hurt... her brain sucked dry and soon she'll die and you just sit there waiting for Buffy to give you permission to get some payback. Always the slayer and you the sidekick, poor Willow has to wait for the slayer before she can help her girlfriend, don't you love her? Maybe Buffy doesn't want you to go after Glory because she knows you will win. She wouldn't want that, you stealing all her thunder, being better than she is. Don't step out of line Willow... keep your place Willow; do as you're told. Wait for Buffy, to tell you when you can do something to help your girlfriend. Be good Willow... is that it? All you are going to do? Sit there crying. Your girlfriend is hurt... "



It went on and on.



"NO!" shouted Willow from the bench, her hands covering her ears.



"YES Willow! And I can make it happen.... Give you the power..."



For a fraction of a second, Amy was in front of Willow and she touched her on the forehead. A surge of energy passed into Willow from Amy. Then she was gone.



Willow jumped up and ran from the bench, heading for the Magic Box.



The hospital doors swung back into action and Buffy left the hospital. She looked around. Willow was nowhere in sight. She sighed and walked back inside. She needed to get Dawn somewhere safe... take her to Spike. Then they would get together, try to figure out how to make Tara better and beat Glory.





"I don't understand this...That stuff with Amy...That was real? I thought I was just...." Willow glanced at Margaret. "Never mind...." She forced her mind to grapple with what was happening. "If there are two different versions of what happened why do I only remember the last one?"



"There are probably more than two, Willow, I'm guessing it took Amy more attempts to achieve her goal. Remember what I said about echoes of changes? We will go through everything when we have finished. I am sure as we go on, things will become clearer. OK...where next?"



Willow shook her head; "I don't know.... None of this is making any sense... where do you suggest we go?"



"Let's go to where Rupert had returned, after you all brought back Buffy."



They walked forward and they were in the Summers’ kitchen.



"Tell me about the spell you did..."



TBC

[willntlover]

I so did not see that coming!!



Umm, can we hunt Amy adn smack her around a bit??



-Will

"I think finding her soulmate would have made Tara a more confident and secure person" -Amber Benson

[EffieBlue]

Willntlover I'm glad it suprised you!



you may want to hold off on the smacking.



Im sure you can think of something worse....



I hope that I continue to suprise you..



Thanks for reading.



************







Title: The Realm of the Meaning of Things.

Author: Jill, EffieBlue.

Rating: PG13 (may change)

Disclaimer: JW, ME, etc; own them.

Spoilers: A bit of 5 a lot of 6 there is no 7!



Summary. I got fed up of Willow being blamed for anything and everything, so I decided to make it Not So.





Thanks to Brenda My Beta reader. Thanks to Washi, Mellindrax, Angry Lion, Lesbadar and everyone else who spends hours in chat.







".....the spirit has its

homeland. Which is the

realm of the meaning

of things."

Saint Exupery.

The Wisdom of the Sands.



This continues right where the last piece ended...Margaret and Willow are wandering around inside Willows head.



Next part.





England.



Inside Willows head...somewhere.





"Tell me about the spell you did..."







"It was really scary, the Blair witch would have had to watch like this." Willow put her hand over her face, her fingers slightly parted for her to peek through. Giles turned from the kitchen sink to look at her.



Willow groaned and lay her head on the table trying to gather her thoughts together.



"Giles, it was awful, there were bugs crawling under my skin and a snake came out of my mouth and so much power, swirling about, I thought I'd be torn apart. They were so brave, Anya and Xander, but especially Tara...I could hear her through everything, telling them that it was test, that I was strong. She gave me the strength to keep going. She held everything together...I was channelling the power, performing the spell but she was the one holding everyone together, until the demon bikers came. Then everything was ripped apart.... We ran, we thought we'd failed and we ran Giles, we ran away and left Buffy there.... To dig her way out of her own grave. How could we do that, how could we run away and leave her, how can she ever forgive us?



She was crying now and Giles put his arms around her, hugged her and held her.



"Sshhh, it's ok now..."



Willow cried quietly and Giles held her. He took a deep breath, "You know, I can't decide if you were all very lucky or very stupid but above all else, you were incredibly brave. I have to tell you, if Buffy wasn't meant to be returned, nothing would have made the spell work." He paused taking another deep breath before continuing, "Even so, Willow, one of you could have been asked in exchange for Buffy."



Willow nodded her head against him. He pushed her gently away from him and looked at her intently. "You knew that didn't you." Willow nodded, not meeting his gaze. "You thought it would probably be you" Again a small nod. "You kept it from the others didn't you."



"No..Yes," She sighed and at last met his eyes with her own. "I think Tara may have known, or at least guessed, she was charting and double checking everything, so I think she would have known it was a possibility. But, as I was the one doing the spell, I thought if it was to happen it would have been me..." The scene faded.



"That's NOT what happened! I was horrible to Giles and he wasn't all cuddly and happy with what we had done." exclaimed Willow.



Everything shifted again. Back to the Summers kitchen. However, that infuriating buzzing was there too.



"She's here isn't she. " Willow stated to Margaret. "Can you do the slowing down thing again?"



Margaret nodded and repeated the brief chant she had used earlier. Again, everything resumed the jerky, broken film appearance. However, this time Amy was all over the place. She didn't just concentrate her efforts on Willow. She was whispering in Giles' ear, then at Willows side. Backwards and forwards in constant motion. Then, for a few frightening moments Amy and Willow seemed to occupy the exact same space and time.



Willow was feeling sick watching it, trying to match what she saw and heard, with what she remembered.



"You're a rank arrogant amateur...." Giles, with Amy at his ear...



"You're jealous..." Willow, as Amy whispered at her side...



Then, Willow/Amy together, "...so maybe it's not such a good idea to piss me off..."



"Ugh... THAT'S what I remember happening." Willow turned away from the scene to face Margaret.



"I understand, at least to some extent, that Amy has changed things but what I don't fully comprehend is how she did it, I mean at that time, Amy was still a rat...." Willow was desperately trying to make sense of it all.



"She's moving through time, since being changed back from a rat, she's obviously travelled back to various times before she was actually human again. By the way, just how did you err...de-rat her?" Margaret asked. "From what I was led to believe, you couldn't find the right spell to do it..."



"Well I had Amy out of her cage, talking to her. It was after Tara had left..." A look of pain flashed across Willows face. "Then it suddenly came to me, how to find the right spell, so I called for it, it appeared.... Poof...no more rat..."



"So. After years of researching books, the Internet, obscure texts, trying different spells, it just came to you?" Margaret queried.



"Well yeah. It just popped into my head, oh....OH!" Willow looked stunned. "I guess someone must have given me a bit of help"



"I'm pretty sure if we took a look, we would find that somehow, someone gave you a hint or a nudge in the right direction to get the spell." Margaret answered.



"I'm not sure I actually want to see that, but maybe we should know exactly what happened" Willow sighed as she spoke. Just how much more of her life was she going to find messed around in this way.



"We don't have to Willow, can you think of any other times that we should re examine?"



"Yes, there is something. I did a spell, at the time I thought I had a very good reason to do it. It went very badly wrong. Now I need to know what really happened."



"Ok, focus on the event you want to go to." Margaret instructed Willow. Closing her eyes, Willow thought of the day in question, a moment later they were there.



Willow turned off the shower and quickly wrapped a towel around her hair. Then with a matching towel around her body she left the bathroom and hurried into the bedroom. She paused, seeming to change her mind about rushing. Crossing to the chest of drawers, she took a small but full paper bag from underneath some underwear where it had been hidden. She would have to let Tara and Dawn go on without her; she needed a bit more time.



"Come on Willow, you ready?" Dawn called from downstairs.



Willow rushed to the top of the stairs. "Not so much, you go ahead, tell Giles to hold up, I'll be there in a sec"



A brief look of annoyance flashed across Tara's face. "Fine" she said and turning, she headed out of the front door.



Willow sighed and returned to the bedroom. Sitting on the bed she took her mysterious package and emptied the contents onto the covers. Examining each item, she made her selection and returned to the bathroom. Standing before the mirror, she stared at her reflection. A small frown creased her brow. "Ok Rosenberg," she spoke to herself with quiet determination, "time to work a little magic." Removing the towel from her head, she brushed her hair back from her face. "Time to turn pale, tired looking spell-worn me, into someone who looks remotely like the Willow, Tara fell in love with." And with that said, she began to apply her new make up. Once she was completely satisfied with her efforts, she dressed, ran downstairs and hurried to the Magic Box.



Willow groaned and buried her face in her hands. Then with a note of despair in her voice she turned to Margaret, "please tell me there's a chance this is the altered version."



"Well I suppose it could be,” replied Margaret. "But working on the premise that Amy has changed things in order to hurt you in some way, this all seems perfectly harmless..."



"It is. What I remember and what everyone else remembers is bad, but what I did, Why I did it..." Willow groaned again as Margaret looked at her in confusion, "I think we better see the other version.... How could I have been such a gullible fool?" Willow closed her eyes and as a tear trickled down her face, she recalled the events as she remembered them.



Again, they watched as Willow exited from the shower and proceed to the chest of drawers. Hearing Dawn call she rushed to the top of the stairs to tell them to go ahead without her.



"This all seems the same." Said Margaret, her confusion growing.



"Wait, you'll see” Willow grimly answered her.



Willow re-entered the bedroom and proceeded as before to examine her purchases on the bed. "Any moment now," muttered Willow.



Willow made her selection and was about to head for the bathroom when something caught her eye. Glancing up she gasped and dropped the make up she'd been holding, scrambling backwards across the bed as much out of shock as fear.



"Don't be afraid Willow, I'm not here to harm you."



Willow tried to regain some composure. "I, I don't mean to be rude, but well, you're sort of err, dead...."



Joyce Summers smiled and moved towards Willow. "I know, it's ok, you can say it. By the way, I like what you and Tara have done to the room."



Willow gulped nervously, "again, hoping not to sound rude, this being your house and bedroom and therefore you have every right to be here with the ghostly haunting but...um, why are you here?"



Joyce laughed "I'm not haunting, I have a message for you," Joyces' smile faded, "It's really important Willow. Buffy and Tara are going to die and only you can stop it."



"What? NO! Tara? No! And Buffy she's only just back from..." Willow trailed off unable to meet Joyces' gaze.



"I know what you did Willow, where Buffy was."



"I didn't know, we needed her, I thought she was in a bad place...."



"That's not important now," Joyce interrupted, "I've been allowed to come here and give you a chance to put things right before it's too late."



"Anything, I'll do anything, just tell me what happens to Buffy and Tara."



"They die Willow. Buffy can't stop thinking about being in heaven and the fact that you know she kept it a secret from you. She gets careless when she's out on patrol, she takes on a group of vampires, it's too many she's distracted, her mind is elsewhere and deep down inside she doesn't want to go on living. She just gives up the fight."



"No.! Tara, what happens to Tara?"



"Tara had arranged to meet Buffy, she wanted to talk to her about her worries, her fear of your power getting out of control. She tries to help Buffy but she's too late and the vampires kill her too."



"God no!" Willow sobbed, "it's all my fault."



"Yes Willow, but you can prevent it from happening."



"How though?" Cried Willow "What can I do?"



"They need to forget. Buffy needs to forget she was in heaven, Tara needs to forget her fears about you. That way Buffy doesn't get distracted, she still wants to fight, she doesn't die. Therefore, Tara doesn't die. It's simple. You make them forget." Joyce smiled at Willow.



"I can't!" Willow sobbed, "I've made a promise to Tara, I won't do anymore magick."



"Then they'll die, and you'll be to blame. Willow, I'm sure Tara didn't mean stop doing magick altogether, just the little frivolous things...."



"But it would be exactly what Tara DOESN’T want me to do, mess with her mind."



"This is different it will save both Tara and Buffy, besides, it will happen gradually."



"What do you mean 'gradually'?" There was a note of hope in Willows voice.



Joyce smiled, "I mean, they won't suddenly forget. More like they will remember a little less each day about what was troubling them. It will seem natural as each day passes. No instant forgetting, that would be no good at all! Everyone else would know something was wrong, that they had been made to forget. They'd know it was a spell."



"And Buffy and Tara would still die?"



"Yes Willow." Joyce answered her. "So you see, you must do the spell exactly as I tell you and you must never NEVER tell anyone about it and NEVER reveal who told you this." Joyce moved away from Willow "Will you do it?" she asked forcefully. "Or will you let my daughter die again and Tara with her, choose quickly Willow as my time here is short."



Willow stood a look of resolve on her face. "I'll do it! I can't let them die because of me."



Joyce broke into a huge smile, "I knew you would make the right decision. Now, we must hurry. You have some Lethes Bramble here...."



"Whoa, wait a minute, you said this wouldn't be an instant forgetting spell, I know what Lethes Bramble does..." Joyce raised her hand to silence Willow.



"There are different ways, different spells, you must follow my instructions to the letter, then everything will work just as I have said."



"How?" Willow asked



"Like this, take one sprig of Lethes Bramble and light it." Joyce handed Willow a crystal, "pass this crystal through the flames and smoke and say these words, exactly. 'For Buffy and Tara this I char let Lethes Bramble do it's chore. Purge their minds of memories grim of pain of recent sleights and sins when the fire goes and the crystal turns black the spell will be cast. Tabular Rasa, Tabular Rasa, Tabular Rasa.' Right have you got all that?" Joyce finished.



"Yes yes." Willow quickly completed writing down the spell. "But how does it work? Once the flame goes out and the crystal turns black, they'll forget everything won't they?"



"No, not instantly. You carry the crystal with you at all times. Whenever you are in their presence, it will have a small effect on them. They will gradually forget." Joyce put Willows mind at rest. "Eventually the crystal will return to its original state and the spell will be over and no one dies." Joyce beamed at Willow. "But remember under no circumstances must you ever reveal what you have done, no matter what happens, no one must know I came and told you this. Do you understand? No One Ever! There is no telling what the consequences would be for Buffy and Tara if it were revealed I intervened in their fates. "



"I understand. I'll never tell anyone, no matter what happens."



"Now, you must hurry, I've been holding this moment of time, I can't do so for much longer, you must do the spell and hurry to join the others..." Joyce seemed to fade slightly "Hurry Willow...."



Willow threw on her clothes and dashed down the stairs to retrieve her supply of Lethes Bramble and do the spell. Reciting the words given to her and exactly as Joyce had instructed she passed the crystal through the flames. She placed the crystal carefully in her pocket and dashed from the house to join everyone at the Magic Box.



The sitting room remained quiet as the Lethes Bramble burned. There was a slight shimmer and Joyce appeared. Standing before the fire, she shook herself and the glamour that was Joyce Summers disappeared. In her place stood Amy.



"Tut tut Willow don't you know it's dangerous to leave a fire unattended? Now for some fun," she laughed and pointed at the fire, a spark from the burning sprig leapt out and landed on the bag containing the rest of the Lethes Bramble that in her hurry to leave, Willow had left out. It flared up instantly. Amy clapped her hands in glee. "This is better than I hoped for, it should be very interesting" and with a small 'pop' she was gone.



The scene changed again. In the tunnels beneath the Magick Box four very frightened people ran, fought and hid from a vampire. In her delight at the outcome of her spell and deception, Amy missed several opportunities to bring her plan to its conclusion. She was laughing so hard at the four of them she was almost tempted to leave them that way, running around bewildered at who they were and what they were doing. Then a frown began to appear on her face. "Good God!" She spluttered, as she watched Willow fall and land on top of Tara, instead of getting up immediately she in fact lowered herself closer towards Tara, who in no way seemed to resist the move, if anything she drew Willow closer to her.



"You don't even know each other and you still can’t keep you hands off...." Amy shouted angrily striding towards them, then she vanished. She was cross now. She slipped back a bit in time and picking her opportunity, she slowed time and flipped the blackened crystal from Willows pocket. Again, she vanished. This time when she appeared she made sure the crystal was directly beneath Xanders foot. It was crushed and instantly the spell was broken.



"Now that's more to my liking!" Amy stood hands on hips a satisfied look on her face as Tara pushed Willow away from her. As everyone made their way from the tunnels, Amy left. Only one more place /time to check on. She just needed to make sure Willow kept her promise and didn't tell. She needn't have worried. Willow sat alone in the bathroom as Tara packed her things. She kept her secret and Amy laughed at her. Then she was gone her mission accomplished.



****************

[Washi]

I really want to hurt Amy. Grr!

Anyways, I'm loving this more and more.

---------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa

[willntlover]

Stupid Amy! Why is she messing with Willow!!!!



hee hee, the magick women being confused about the two scenes was a good laugh. Loving it!



-Will

"I think finding her soulmate would have made Tara a more confident and secure person" -Amber Benson

[MellindraX]

Wow, this is so cool to see what you're having be switched around! And I really like how you have Amy change things, very inventive. More soon, yes?

It is my solace, my home, the place where my walls crumble and fall away, because no one can know who I truly am. Thank goodness for the Internet, preserver of sanity! -Unknown

[Grimlock72]

Well yeah, this doesn't make me like Amy exactly Still... it does shift pretty much ALL the blame for any of Willows not-so-good actions onto Amy, which makes Willow practically a saint . The only thing you could blame Willow for is that she believes people much to easily.



Besides, since the memory spell failed Willow will want to ensure neither Buffy or Tara are killed on patrol. Next time she sees Joyce I suggest she kicks her back to where-ever she came from. (hmm... wouldn't such a glamour be obvious to a witch like Willow?)



I would have liked to see how the de-ratting of Amy was affected. Amy was still a rat the first time around so WHO would have nudged Willow on to de-rat amy ??



If I read the previous updates correctly Amy is a mental patient of sort already. Let's keep her that way, she had her chance at playing human.



I *am* worried about Willows reaction to the shooting scene. I'm sure she has learned some control but if Amy has indeed altered it as I think she has... Let's say Willow has a lot of reasons to be angry with Amy and who-ever helped her mess with Willow's life and Tara's.



Grimmy

--

She(Tara) knew that she was Willow too. If she knew that then why hadn't Willow herself? That wasn't fair. She was Willow. she should have known that first. -- Willow in _Sidestep Chronicle_ (part 80)

[EffieBlue]

Thanks to:



Washi For your continuing support and encouragement.



Willntlover Amy gets a bit more annoying in the near future but in doing so, she seals her own fate...



Mellindrax Thanks for reading I hope you continue to enjoy it and stick with it...good times are ahead...



Grimlock I originally wrote a de ratting scene but took it out as I thought there were too many flash backs.. My kid said I should have left it in.. essentially, Anderson sends back a witch who kinda halts time at the moment Willow has Amy out of her cage...he glides in, whispers 'something ' in her ear...glides out..time re-starts.. Willow 'suddenly' thinks of the right spell. The rest is history but not quite as we know it

I hope you continue to enjoy it.





Update coming in a couple of hours.



it's here now, below!





Jill.





Amusing bellydancers distract me from my wine..

Edited by: EffieBlue at: 4/18/03 3:35:33 am

[EffieBlue]

Title: The Realm of the Meaning of Things.

Author: Jill, EffieBlue.

Rating: PG13 (may change)

Disclaimer: JW, ME, etc; own them.

Spoilers: A bit of 5 a lot of 6 there is no 7!



Summary. I got fed up of Willow being blamed for anything and everything, so I decided to make it Not So.





Thanks to Washi and everyone in chat, for the encouragement and ideas.







Things pick up pace a bit in Sunnydale.





Sunnydale.



Buffy smiled as she casually blocked punches the vampire was aiming at her. She was enjoying the work out, needed it in fact. She was using the freshly risen vampire to vent her frustration at yet another fight with Dawn.



"No," her fist connected with the vampire's nose, "Patrolling" a kick to his side made him yelp, "on a school night!" she concluded with a roundhouse kick to his head, knocking him to the ground. "Get up, there's still," she used to her fingers to itemise the points, "No staying out too late a Janices' and." She paused, "Oh yes, " she hauled the bemused vampire to his feet. "You'll love this one," Buffy took up a boxing stance and bouncing on the balls of her feet she proceeded to jab at the young vampire.



"It's not," jab, "My," jab "Fault Giles," jab jab, "didn't call," She switched to south paw confusing vampire once again, "from bloody England about Willow!" and she floored him with an uppercut.



"You're crazy!" he shouted up at her.



Buffy dragged him to his feet again and brushed the dirt from his jacket. "No, I was a little mad, but now I feel so much better and you did your bit to help. And now it's time to meet Mr pointy." Buffy took the stake from her pocket, twirled it in front of him, and grinned. The young vampire had other ideas and lashing out at Buffy he leapt backwards kicking out at her as he tried to make his escape. Swaying to one side Buffy grabbed his foot and pushed, adding further momentum to his backward motion, he yelped as he fell, crashing into a headstone. Several pebbles added insult to injury as they rained down on his head.



"Bitch!" he yelled, and grabbing a handful of the fallen stones, he threw them at Buffy. She dodged them easily but took time to note where each one had landed.



"Oh you are going to be so sorry you did that." Buffy snarled at him, all traces of any good humour vanishing in an instant.



"What's up Slayer, scared of a few stones?" Spike slouched against a tree drawing deeply on a cigarette as he watched Buffy's punch bag make a break for it.



Buffy sighed and turned to Spike. "That's Tara's grave Spike"



He threw his cigarette away viciously, "I'll pick up the stones, you go after him." He stooped to start searching the grass.



"Spike?" Buffy frowned as he quickly turned his back to her.



"Spike? Are you...?"



"Piss off Buffy" Spike brushed his hand swiftly across his eyes. "Bloody fag smoke is in me eyes is all, now bugger off and slay something."



"Spike...Thanks. Tell Tara I'll stop by later." He nodded and picking up a stone, he placed it carefully in his pocket.



"And, Spike."



"Bloody hell! What now?"



Buffy grinned "That smoke thing? I've heard it's a lot worse if you actually have a lit cigarette..."



She turned and swiftly jumping over Tara's grave, headed off after the fast disappearing vampire.



***************



“OK dead boy, just where did you go?” Buffy ran towards the gates of the cemetery, searching for the runaway vampire. Suddenly her quarry made a dash towards the exit from behind a crypt.



“Gotcha.” Buffy grimly muttered as she spotted him break from cover. She started after him. He was sprinting hard, head down, intent on putting as much distance between them as he could. He didn’t see the dark figure that suddenly appeared directly in his path and barrelled straight into it. He bounced off the new arrival as if he’d run into a brick wall.



“What the hell….?” He got to his feet quickly, still more concerned with escaping from the Slayer than the figure in front of him.



“Hey!” shouted Buffy from behind. Skidding to a stop, she took aim with her stake. She hesitated, not wanting to risk hitting the dark stranger if the vampire should make another break for it. “Hey,” she shouted again. “Get outta the way…. Move…” The dark stranger took no notice of her shouts.



“What the fu…” The vampire gasped as the figure in front of him reached out and grasped him by the throat. His gasp turned to screams as the hand around his neck burst into flames. The dark creatures other hand plunged into the vampires chest and again the night was pierced by his screams.



“What the fuck?” Buffy unknowingly echoed the young vampires words as she watched, unsure what to do.



Within seconds, the vampire was in flames. The creature holding him, leaned forward, drawing the flames into his gaping maw then the vampire exploded into dust and was gone. The creature, now glowing spat dust onto the nearest grave.



“Well that was different!” Buffy made as if to approach the creature. Ignoring her, he turned and headed out of the cemetery. Traversing the road quickly, he disappeared into an alleyway.



Curious, Buffy followed. The creature had killed the vampire, maybe there was a new good guy in town. She paused at the entrance to the alley. Deciding that observation was the better course of action, she stepped into the shadows and watched the creature make its way down the alley. It stopped suddenly by a pile of discarded boxes; then, reaching in, it grunted as it pulled a box to one side.



“Come out. I know you are there, I can smell you.” Buffy jumped as she heard the creature speak for the first time. The voice sounded eerily familiar.



“Get outta here, go find your own spot.” A tired old voice shouted from beneath the boxes, “this is MY place.”



“But I’m hungry old man.” The creature replied pulling the homeless man from his makeshift shelter of cardboard.



The old man struggled to free himself from the grasp but it was useless, he just wasn’t strong enough.



“Let him go!” Buffy shouted. Breaking from her cover in the shadows, she started to walk towards them.



“I don’t think so.” Replied the creature, as it’s whole body ignited and the old man screamed as he started to burn.



“NO!” Yelled Buffy, beginning to run towards them. However, she was too late, the homeless guy was rapidly engulfed in flames. The creature appeared to absorb the flames directly into his body.



It was over quickly. The old man was gone, consumed completely and the creature it’s self was like a glowing ember.



“Just what the hell are you?” Buffy shouted. She was at a loss as to what to do. After what she had just witnessed, she was wary of getting within touching distance of the creature.



The glowing subsided and as the creature resumed its more human countenance, it turned toward her.



“What am I?” The creature was now facing her fully. “I am death, I am destruction. And this world is now mine. I am called Vextonos. But I see YOU know me by another name.”



Buffy stared in horror, her insides felt like they had turned to ice water.



“God NO! How can… Oh My God WARREN!” She gasped the words out. Then she turned and ran.



***********************





Nevada.



Millard stared at the woman before him. Tentatively he reached out and traced his finger along her jaw line. “So beautiful” he breathed the words to himself. He was transfixed by the woman, he knew he needed to move on. There wasn’t time for sitting and staring but when he had opened the file that was simply titled ‘Rosenberg’ he hadn’t expected this. The only pictures he had ever seen of the witch were the ones when she tried to destroy the world. All of the squad had been given them. Anderson had handed them out impressing on them that here was the wielder of dangerous power and a threat to everything they fought for. He had lectured them forcefully that they were at war, that this young woman had caused the downfall of the Sunnydale initiative. They were going to capture her, neuter her, and use her power for their side. It would give them the advantage in the war against evil; taming one of their own.. The lecture had gone on and on. The soldiers had been shocked and outraged at the scenes shown from the fall of the initiative in Sunnydale. Comrades torn apart by demons set free by the witch and her friends. It had fired them up, they wanted this woman, and she would be made to pay for their fallen friends.



He tore himself away from her picture. He quickly scanned through the list of other files. None of these were files he had been allowed access to in the past but he had been handed the access code by Anderson himself. He frowned; several of the files appeared to have duplicates. He opened the one called ‘314 Adam’. He had seen this, the betrayal by Riley Finn, the murder of Professor Walsh.. They all knew the details.



So what was ‘314 Adam/slayer’ and ‘Rosenberg/Glorificus’ and what was the last listed file, ‘Maclay-Rosenberg/Madison’? He opened them one after the other, scanning them quickly. As he read, his anger grew, snatching a disc he copied them all, He glanced at his watch, 2 minutes to get to the rendezvous point any longer Anderson would be down on him… “Anderson,” he thought, everything they knew of all those events had come through him. He was right though, this was war. Grabbing the copied files, Millard was ready, ready to fight and he now knew he was on the right side.





***************



Sunnydale





Buffy paced the kitchen, the phone cradled against her ear. She was beginning to think no one was ever going to come home. As she slammed the phone down one more time, she thought back to the previous night.



She’d fled from the alley like the devil himself was chasing her. Slowing only as she got back to the cemetery. Finally, stopping her flight she’d thrown up. Wiping her mouth on her sleeve she’d returned to the place that the demon had first appeared, hoping to find some sort of clue as to where it had come from. After a brief search of the area she gave up. Realizing there was nothing to suggest it had originated there. It was just the first place she had seen it.



It made more sense to go home and start afresh in the morning. Get everyone together for research. Of course, that meant actually having to tell them what she had seen.



However, before she went home there was one more stop she had to make.



Making a quick last sweep of the cemetery, she headed towards Tara’s grave. Spike was gone but he’d returned all the little stones. They were placed neatly on the headstone.



Tara’s grave stood out from those around it. It was neat and well tended. No dead or wilted flowers as on some of the other graves. It was a sad but understandable fact, that in Sunnydale, the living didn’t spend much time in cemeteries, night or day. So there really was no need for Buffy to fuss about tidying up but she did it anyway. She chatted as she knelt down to pluck an errant dead leaf from the grass.



“So you see Tara, how am I supposed to tell Dawn that I’ve just seen Warren? It’s going to freak her out. In the past, she would have gone to you to talk about it. Now who can she go to? And Willow. God what do I say to Willow? “Oh Hi Wills, guess what, Tara can’t come back but I ran into Warren and we had a nice little chat while he torched an old guy!” I can see that really improving her mental health.



And Xander, he’s no help these days, all he does is eat donuts and mope about. One minute moaning about Anya the next he’s crowing on about a yellow crayon. Yeah and Anya, she’s a vengeance demon again but she’s not enjoying her work as much as she used to. Willow’s in England. I guess you know that cos I know she came and told you before she left. But I haven’t heard from her or Giles since he phoned to say she’d got there. I don’t even know if she’s ever coming back.

And now this happens. We’re already falling apart Tara. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to hold us all together. That was always your job.” Buffy stood and stretched. “Good night Tara, thanks for the chat.” She placed her hand on the headstone and frowned, she still hadn’t figured out why it always felt slightly warm to the touch. But one thing she did know, she always felt better, stronger after her visits. Then she left, returning to a quiet and empty house.



As she entered the house, the message light on the phone was blinking. She pressed the button ”Hello, this is Amanda’s mother. Dawn is staying over; they worked late on a history project. I’ll run her to school in the morning.” The message ended. It was the only one. Still no word from Giles or Willow. She went to bed, tired, but she didn’t sleep.



Now here she was, pacing the kitchen wondering why no one was here. She slammed the phone down as Xanders machine picked up the call. She’d spent the day looking through books at the house, but had found nothing useful. She’d left god knows how many messages at Xanders work asking him to come straight here when he finished and Dawn knew she had to come straight home after school. She had tried ringing the Magic Box but according to the new assistant, Anya was away on a business trip.



She needed everyone here. NOW!



She hit the speed dial once more and this time the phone cracked as she replaced it.



“God! Were they only people on the planet who didn’t have cell phones? Gadgets! She would never mock Riley and his gadgets ever again. Tomorrow they would all go out and buy phones, beepers and two-way radios. Oh and fireproof clothing, mustn’t forget that….”



“Hey Buffy.” Xander called cheerfully, interrupting her internal rant as he and Dawn entered the front door.



“I found this young woman wandering the streets…”



“Where the hell have you both been?” Buffy shouted angrily. “Does anyone know where Anya is? We need a meeting, right now!”



“What is it? What happened? Oh god! It’s Willow isn’t it? Something’s happened,” Dawn shouted at Buffy. “I told you she shouldn’t go there…”



“Dawn. It’s not Willow, I’m sure she’s ok…”



“What the frilly heck is it then Buffy? You’re Wiggin me out here.” Xander was pale as he leant against the kitchen island.



“First, where’s Anya? I want Anya here as well.”



“I don’t know. Have you tried the shop?” suggested Xander.



“Yes” Of course I’ve tried the shop! Can’t you just call her or something?” Buffy was sounding even more on edge.



“I don’t think that would work with me Buff,” Xander tried to remain calm but the way Buffy was acting, his wiggins factor was going right off the scale.



Buffy started pacing again. “Anya! Anya! Oh wait… ANYANKA! Get your ass down here now!”



There was a slight popping sound as Anyanka appeared in the kitchen.



“This had better be damned good Buffy, I was right in the middle of a delicate negotiation. She took one look at Buffy and removed her business face.



“OK who died? Is it Willow? Did she kill herself?”



“God no Anya! Don’t even joke about that.” Shouted Xander



“Who’s joking,” said Anya, “I’ve been expecting her to do something for weeks.” She frowned and continued crossly, “However I did expect her to come to me first. If I find out some other…”



“WHAT!” cried Dawn, “And you would have helped her? What’s wrong with you?”



Anya shrugged, “why wouldn’t I help her if she came to me, it’s my job to..” she paused, puzzled by their collective look of horror at her words. “Oh please! Are you seriously suggesting that not one of you had any real idea of how she was feeling? You’re supposed to be her closest friends.”



“Wait. Stop.” Xander interrupted. “Why would you expect Willow to come to you?”



“Why wouldn’t she, I’m.. A.. Vengeance.. Demon.” Anya spoke to Xander as if he were a small child.



But Xander continued, still obviously confused, “Warren, dead. Vengeance done.” He failed to notice the look on Buffy’s face at the mention of Warren.



“You really don’t get it do you?” said Anya. “Call yourself her friend..”



Xander took a nervous step towards Anya, “Then why don’t you explain it to me Ahn, because I really want to know what the HELL YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!”



“Yes Anya, do tell. I’m very interested to know why you’d help Willow kill herself.” Buffy spoke menacingly.



“At what point, exactly, did I say I would help Willow kill herself?”



“B..But you said…” Xander was again confused.



“I said, and perhaps this time you’ll all have the good manners to listen, I said, she was supposed to come to me, at least I was supposed to be the one who responded to her call. I went to D’Hoffryn personally to make sure no one else intervened, there are some very unscrupulous Vengeance demons out there you know…”



“Anya,” Buffy spoke a little more calmly, “the facts, please.”



“Ok,” Anya smiled at Buffy, then stared pointedly at Xander; “I’ll make this as simple as I can. Remember your birthday, Buffy, when Dawn had her little upset?”



Buffy nodded, “yeah when Halfrek gave us all dose of the Boo Radleys.”



“Huh?” Xander responded.



Buffy rolled her eyes, “was I the only one….” She stopped herself, “Never mind, we couldn’t leave the house.”



“Exactly!” smiled Anya. “Halfrek did the curse in response to Dawns little hissy fit…”



“Hey! Standing right here!” Dawn shouted



“If you recall,” Anya continued, “Halfrek said she could hear Dawns pain all over town..”



“Yes! Yes! So what does this have to do with Willow…” Xander spoke up, unsure of where this was heading.



“Well if you let me finish Xander, I’ll tell you.” They all nodded at Anya.



“It works this way, a vengeance demon or justice demon as some like to call themselves these days, hears the outpouring of pain, grief, or whatever you want to call it, and responds with a personal visit. It’s kind of potluck though who you get, it depends entirely on who gets there first and that is dependent on how widespread or loud the calling is and who’s busy or not busy at the time.” Anya paused to see if any of them were anywhere close to understanding what she was telling them. “Oh for Gods sake!” she continued, exasperated with their blank looks. “Willow’s pain is so loud, if I hadn’t gone to D’Hoffryn and got his personal guarantee that I would be the only one to respond to her, you’d have had a line of vengeance demons outside the front door stretching all the way to L.A. All of them willing to do anything to help Willow out. I made sure it would be me and only me that came. However, I didn’t say I’d help her kill herself. I said I would help her.”



“That’s why you were always ok about ‘Willow watch’. “ Dawn was nodding to herself.



“Yeah,” said Xander. “I wondered about that, I mean you never really saw eye to eye before.. But I still don’t quite get it. Again, Warren. Dead, already vengeanced..”



“Xander, how can you be so blind? Willow doesn’t want vengeance on anyone…” Anya was interrupted by Buffy’s faint whisper.



“Herself, she wants it on herself.”



“At last!” said Anya. “Someone finally gets it.”



“Huh?” Xander offered his usual contribution to the issue at hand.



Anya looked at Xander and shook her head slowly. “Shall I make a list? Can’t you even guess at all the things she’s hurting about? All the pain she is in because of what she did. As her oldest and supposedly closest friend, can’t you feel it Xander? Can any of you? Or is it just me, the inhuman demon that sees through her facade of getting on with her life?”



“We’ve spent so much time watching her, yet we never really saw her. No wonder she couldn’t wait to get away from us and go to England.” Buffy looked at Dawn and Xander. “I’ll just add it to my ever growing list of ‘ways to let your best friend down’.



“So she’s done it then?” Anya spoke up. “And you’ve come to me for..?”



“No Anya, Willow’s not dead. No one is dead. More like someone is alive who shouldn’t be. Someone who I know for a fact should be very much dead.” Buffy got everyone’s attention.



“So it is Willow.” Said Xander. It’s Tara, Willow did a spell…”



Anya threw up her hands in disgust and turned away from him, “Don’t you ever listen or think before you speak?” she muttered to herself.



“No Xander, no spell no Tara. Well, I’m not sure about the spell part but I’m sure Willow didn’t do this.” Buffy answered him. “I’m positively certain that Willow didn’t do this.”



Every one looked at her waiting for her to continue.



“It’s Warren. I saw Warren last night.” Just saying his name made Buffy feel sick.



“No! No, it’s not fair, how come he gets to come back when..” Dawn couldn’t finish and burst into tears.



“Ok, lets all just sit down and calm down. Are you sure it was him?” Xander asked.



“Oh yeah it was him alright, but now he’s not just Warren, he’s the Human Torch as well.” Buffy informed them.



“What? Like all firey Fantastic Four Human Torch?”



“Yes Xander, but not so much in the ‘I’m here to help mankind’ Human Torch type way.” Buffy tried to explain.



“Did ya see the invisible woman too? Well no! You wouldn’t have been able to. Are you sure it was him? Warren I mean.” Said Anya



“I just asked that Ahn.”





“You did not ask that. I distinctly heard you not ask if she saw the invisible woman.” Anya snapped back at Xander.



“Huh?”



“What?” asked Dawn, “has the invisible woman got to do with Warren being here?”



“Well,” continued Anya brightly, “Warren turned Buffy invisible. Now he’s the Human Torch. I just thought he might be doing that again and making himself a Fantastic Four set of villains. Should we be on the look out for The Thing and the stretchy guy too?



“And.. Huh?”



“I took an interest in your hobbies when I was mortal and foolishly in love with you.”



“Again.. Huh?”



“I read all of your comics!” Anya and Xander glared at each other.



“Enough!” Shouted Buffy. “I only saw Warren. He killed a vampire I had been chasing. So I followed him thinking he might be a good guy…that was before I knew it was Warren.” She explained quickly in response to the look she got at the idea that Warren could in any way be good. “I followed him, he found a homeless guy and, well, let’s just say now there’s a pile of ash and no homeless guy.” She opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water. She needed a moment to compose herself as she recalled her reaction at seeing just who the demon was. She took a sip from the bottle and turned back to them. “That’s when the fire act ended. He turned, looked right at me and spoke to me. It was Warren.”



“What did he say Buffy?” Anya was staring at Buffy intently.



“He said he was death and destruction and he was vexed.”



“Vexed? He said he was annoyed or was ‘Vexed’ his name? What was it he said. Exactly.” Anya was looking nervous and worried.



“No no, not he was vexed he was, wait.. Vextonos. That was it.”



“Oh crap.” Said Anya.



TBC



*******************

Edited by: EffieBlue at: 4/18/03 3:37:37 am

[Washi]

Let's just say this fic's getting better and better.



Kudos Jill!

---------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa

[Grimlock72]

we CAN kill demons like Warre 2.0 right ?? Oh yezzzz.... now why would Warren stay around Sunnydale ? There are only a few people who could harm him much I think and most of those live in either Sunnydale or LA .



Anderson reminds me of a rather high placed army commander, heh. Smoke and mirrors don't work forever and once people realize they've been played for fools... they'll likely get angry.



I'm not sure if Anderson's team includes any wizzard/witch/mage or such. If not, I doubt they would get anywhere near the coven. Besides, Willow would rather kill herself than risking using magic at this point.



As for FlameyWarren, put a water-hose on him and cut his head off. Should work nicely. A far more interesting question is why and how Warren was returned. Who ever would WANT Warren in this world ?



Still waiting for Willow to see Amy messing with shooting scene.....



Grimmy

--

She(Tara) knew that she was Willow too. If she knew that then why hadn't Willow herself? That wasn't fair. She was Willow. she should have known that first. -- Willow in _Sidestep Chronicle_ (part 80)

[EffieBlue]

washi Thanks!





Grimlock thanks for reading, I hope, most of your questions will be answered soon...





A short update follows.



This continues from where Margaret and willow have just witnessed Why Willow did the Tabula Rasa spell..



Title: The Realm of the Meaning of Things.

Author: Jill, EffieBlue.

Rating: PG13 (may change)

Disclaimer: JW, ME, etc; own them.

Spoilers: A bit of 5 a lot of 6 there is no 7!



Summary. I got fed up of Willow being blamed for anything and everything, so I decided to make it Not So.







England,



Inside Willows head.





“Willow I’m so sorry.” Margaret held Willow as she cried quietly.



“I’m such an idiot!” She sobbed. “I believed it all, how could I have been so stupid?”



“You thought you were saving them Willow.”



“Why, Margaret? Why did she do this to me? I hurt them, nearly got them all killed, I didn’t go a day without using magick..”



“Stop it Willow! You saw for yourself that you didn’t use magick. Then Amy interfered.



“Yes.” Said Willow harshly, “and I fell for it.”



“Because you thought you were saving them. Even then, you argued you didn’t want to use magick. Only when you thought there was no other choice. Buffy and Tara would die. Willow, look at me.” Margaret moved back slightly and cupping her hand gently under Willows chin, she encouraged Willow to look at her. “This isn’t about you using magic!. But even if it was… faced with that choice, I’d have done the same. She played you Willow, used the things you most feared losing. Tara, your soulmate and Buffy your best friend. The two people you already thought you had let down. You were given the choice to let them die or use magick to help them live. The choice offered by the one person who you would never consider wanting to harm Buffy. How could you not do it? It’s who you are. It’s what you do. It’s what you have spent most of your life doing. Using your gift to save people.”



“I kinda get that, now.” Willow pulled away from Margaret. “But the Amy thing, you don’t understand. Those other times. At the hospital, with Giles, I could hear her. See her too, sometimes..”



“What? How? If you knew she was there, why didn’t you…?”



“That’s just it. I didn’t know she was there, for real, I mean. Yes I could hear her, often and sometimes see her, but I thought it was ME.” Willows voice dropped to a whisper, “I thought I was going mad.”



“Why didn’t you tell anyone Willow?



“Because I was scared. Oh, some days everything would be fine, I wouldn’t see her at all. And I’d think everything was ok. Then she’d turn up again. She’d stay around for days talking to me; I’d lose track of who I was having a conversation with. Like this one time at the Bronze, Tara and I were looking for Dawn. Tara was trying to tell me I was using too much magick. At the same time, Amy was going on and on at me that everyone was trying to control me. She wouldn’t shut up, she’d get in front of me and I kept trying to see past her to Tara, I couldn’t hear everything Tara was saying. I tried to shut Amy up. Then Amy got mad at me, for not listening to her; she said that maybe I would prefer it if she just sat back and shut up. Of course, I jumped at that; I told her maybe it would be a start. Then she was gone and Tara was standing there looking so hurt at what I’d said. How could I tell her it wasn’t her I was talking to?

I knew I was falling apart and I was scared. Scared of what was happening to me, afraid of losing Tara. So later, I did something awful. I tried to make her forget. That I can’t blame on Amy. When Tara left me, I would have times when I knew she had done the right thing, that she would be safer away from me.

We know what happened then, Amy was de-ratted. It was a relief. Now when I talked to her, I could be sure she was actually there…. But I had lost my way. I was enjoying showing off with magick. Then I couldn’t it was gone, drained, I’d used too much. I couldn’t even do the simplest spell, like close the curtains…And that scared me all over again. Who would I be without the magick? I had already lost Tara, now I’d lost the magick too…”



Margaret, who had been content to let Willow get everything out, talk for the first time it seemed about what had been going on in her head, stopped her. “That doesn’t make sense, your magick, your power, comes from all around you. The Universe is filled with Dark Energy it can’t get ‘tapped out’ You can get tired, run down, but even then, you should have been able to do a simple thing like close the curtains. Can you remember what it felt like when you tried to cast?”



Willow nodded, “it was odd, it felt like it had fizzled out, I could feel it, then, nothing, ‘pfft’ gone. It was scary.”



“Uh huh, an Inhibitor. It must have been. If someone had bound your power, you would have felt it. When you tried to cast, you would have felt it reflected back. An Inhibitor is different it is subtle, it’s insidious, you are meant to feel you’ve lost your power. It’s meant to undermine you.”



“So I hadn’t lost it? Used it all up?”



“No, you were just made to feel like you had.”



“Why do that? Forget that, I know why. Rack.”



Margaret agreed, “I’m guessing, the next time you saw Amy, she told you about Rack?”



“Yes, she suggested we go and see him. I don’t get it though, why make it appear my magick was gone, then give it me back?” willow paced about trying to make sense of it all.



“What Rack gave you wasn’t replacing what you thought you’d lost. You were dosed with an essence of magick that rushed through your system like a powerful drug. And just like a drug, it would be quickly gone. Leaving you wanting more. Craving it. With your real magick suppressed as it was, you didn’t stand a chance.”



“This is so messed up, why did she do this to me? It’s sick, I nearly killed Dawn. Was that it? Was that why? To kill Dawn?”



Margaret shook her head, “I don’t know all the answers but I’m pretty sure that you were and still are the target. If your friends were hurt or killed, that would be considered a bonus. The idea was to isolate you and make you dependent on Racks magick. That way you could be used for whatever purpose they wanted. You would do anything to get your fix.”



“And I did didn’t I.” Willow stated.



“No Willow! You didn’t. You stopped. I don’t know of anyone, ever, who has been able to do that. Not without help. You did it alone.”



“She came back, Amy I mean, she dosed me up with that magick again. It was so hard, I couldn’t tell anyone until I dealt with it myself. When she came around again, I told her to stay away from me.”



“Did she? Stay away, I mean.”



“Well kind of. Until, Tara… when.. When Tara, when IT happened. Aghh! I don’t understand this!”



“What Willow?”



“Amy!” Willow took a deep breath and launched right into it. “If the Amy I always thought was in my head and imaginary was REAL but messing with time whilst the REALLY real Amy was still a rat. Was it de-ratted Amy who was in my head after, after..Tara..was…” Willow stopped, unable to bring herself to say the words.



“What Willow, explain that part again.”



“Well after, you know IT happened, I sort of got lost. But SHE was there. Amy I mean, doing stuff. So, was she Amy who was really real or was she time travelly Amy who I ‘d thought was imaginary but was in fact really real too. And regardless of that, why when she turned up in my head did she bring Glory with her. I mean at the time I sort of expected Amy to turn up because I thought I had gone all ‘Three Faces of Eve’ again. But Glory showing up as well kind of surprised even me and I was mad.” Willow paused for breath and to see if Margaret was keeping up with her.



“So Amy came back after Tara was killed and she brought Glory with her?” Margaret tried to keep it all straight in her head and work out what on earth Willow was going on about.



“I guess so, but I thought it was like before, You know, after Glory hurt Tara and Amy appeared and did the ranting thing outside the hospital. I thought I’d made her appear. Oh I’ve looked it all up Multiple Personalities.. Creating an alter ego to deal with stuff when you can’t cope with everything that’s going on, you get them to take over….”



Margaret nodded but didn’t interrupt she wasn’t sure where this was going, but she was beginning to get an idea of what had happened she just wasn’t sure HOW it had occurred.



“So,” Willow continued “after Tara, died,” the last word came out barely as a whisper, “after Osiris refused my request, I went a bit mad, I withdrew, I was paralysed with grief and anger. So I let imaginary Amy take over. I mean I’m under no illusion now, that it was me that did all that stuff, but at the time, I’d gone a bit ‘Buffy catatonic’ so Amy did it for me. Except I managed to use some of that magick Amy sucked out of the books, to heal Buffy but after that, Amy was very annoyed with me and completely took over. Actually I think she punched me and knocked me out for a while..” Willow frowned. “When I came to, I couldn’t move at all. But I’ve read up about that too. It’s not uncommon for one personality to do something like that.. I mean. It’s mad I know, but then madness is isn’t it. And when Glory showed up too she sort of got involved… except now I’m confused because at the time I just accepted Amy being there but now I know that the Amy who’d been there before was actually real and I hadn’t made her up as an alter ego so why did an Amy who shouldn’t have been there end up in my head…?” Willow stopped.



Margaret appeared to be having trouble processing all the information and she really couldn’t blame her as she was having trouble working it all out herself.



She sighed. “But the really crazy stuff started when Glory said she was going to destroy the world. She and Amy had the hugest fight about it. And when Xander turned up to do his hero bit Glory got really mad. I guess Xanders annoying speech did the trick though.



"I had tried several times to intervene with what was happening. I tried to stop Glory and Amy with Warren… I hated him for what he’d done, but not that, I never wanted that… and Glory she was so mad at Dawn, said she wanted to turn her back to a ball of energy.. I was shouting at her to stop, I was so relieved when Buffy turned up to stop me.



"When Amy tried to kill Buffy, I couldn’t even move a finger to help. Amy; or I guess it was me, really seemed to enjoy fighting with Buffy. But when Xander turned up and started going on about the yellow crayon, both Amy and Glory got distracted and I don’t know why but I was more able to move again. I’m not sure if I really cared if the world ended or not but I was totally fed up with him going on about that yellow crayon. I decided it was time to put the record straight..”



“Willow! Please Stop! What are you talking about?



“Oh right, sorry you couldn’t know about that; I wanted to tell Xander before the world ended, it wasn’t me that broke the crayon.”



TBC.

[willntlover]

OMG



After all that angst, to have Willow complaining about Xander was too hilarious. lol



Wow that was an intense update. I can't belive all that has happened in it.



I loved how Buffy was fixing to beat them all up. I often wonder how she puts up with Xander. Loved Anya adn Buff.



-Will



edited because i spelled xander as cancer. go figure.

"I think finding her soulmate would have made Tara a more confident and secure person" -Amber Benson

Edited by: willntlover at: 4/28/03 11:58:29 pm

[bindingwiccan]

this is a great fic so far! i cant wait to see what happens next... and i wanna see tara and willow reunited!



-much love

-bindingwiccan

[Grimlock72]

Interesting... most of the manipulation by Amy (no idea where Glory just came from really ) was done to Willow. I was wondering why Willow wasn't suspicious about the shooting by now, but it's probably to big a leap of thought at the moment.



I fail to see why Amy is doing all this, only out of revenge ? Then there is the confusing problem of Amy still being a rat yet influencing Willow from the future... time-loop-alert .



So Glory the hellgod was scared away by Xander's speech ?? Good weapon that :-). I prefer the Amy-speaking-to-me theory over the Multiple Personality Disorder one, the latter makes for a way to easy to defense of any and all things you've ever done wrong. Don't like it, besides it was about time Willow told Buffy some of her grievances, heh.



Grimmy

--

She(Tara) knew that she was Willow too. If she knew that then why hadn't Willow herself? That wasn't fair. She was Willow. she should have known that first. -- Willow in _Sidestep Chronicle_ (part 80)

[EffieBlue]

Willntlover : Glad you are enjoying the story. Thanks for your comments.

Hope you keep reading.



Bindingwiccan Thanks for your feedback I really do appreciate it.





Grimlock72 The next bit should give a better insight into Amy’s twisted mind. Thanks for the feedback. Hope you keep on reading it.





Title: The Realm of the Meaning of Things.

Author: Jill, EffieBlue.

Rating: PG13 (may change)

Disclaimer: JW, ME, etc; own them.

Spoilers: A bit of 5 a lot of 6 there is no 7!



Summary. I got fed up of Willow being blamed for anything and everything, so I decided to make it Not So.







".....the spirit has its

homeland. Which is the

realm of the meaning

of things."

Saint-Exupery.

The Wisdom of the Sands



The Coven-inside willows head





“ Forget about the crayon!” Margaret pleaded with Willow.



“That’s what I wanted to say to Xander!” Willow cheerily answered Margaret.



Margaret wanted to shake Willow. Shake her out of her acceptance of her madness. If only Willow had not been so damned smart and so research orientated. Perhaps then she would have approached things differently, maybe even asked for help. Instead, she had looked at what had happened to herself and treated her trouble as she would any other problem. With analysis, research, conclusion and then taking action on the results. Anywhere other than the Hellmouth that would have been fine, possibly the right outcome. But on the Hellmouth, nothing was that straight forward. Now it was time to unravel this mess and get Willow back in control of her magick and her mind. Time to approach things a little differently.



“Willow, can you answer me one question?”



“I hope so.” Willow answered brightly.



“Where are they now, Glory and Amy?”



Willow looked at Margaret, “oh, they’re here..” Willow reached up and tapped herself on her temple. “But don’t worry, I’m in control now. They aren’t.”



“Do you know where Glory came from? Got into your head I mean?”



Willow laughed and made a twirling motion with her finger at the side of her head.



“Hello! Mad now….”



“Can I see them?” Margaret asked, pointedly ignoring Willows statement.



“err… Why?”



“I think it might be useful, don’t you? To talk to them.”



“Maybe…” Willow was hesitant. “They’re locked away though.” Willow told Margaret.



“So can I see them? Can you take me to them?”



“No I can’t.” Willow answered bluntly.



“Willow I think it would be really beneficial to see them”



Willow sighed. “I know, you’re probably right. All the research I’ve done says that at some point I should confront them.”



“So, can you take me to them?”



“No I can’t.”



“But Willow, you just agreed it…”



“No.” Willow interrupted, “I don’t mean We can’t I just mean I can’t take you to them.”



“But someone else can?” Margaret was confused.



“Oh yes!” Willow nodded enthusiastically, then indicating behind Margaret, “She can!”



*******





Margaret turned quickly as Willow waved to someone approaching from behind.



The woman was quite tall and attractive, with blue eyes and shortish blonde hair that appeared to be cut more for convenience rather than following any particular style or fashion. Margaret reckoned the woman was perhaps a few years younger than herself. The most surprising aspect about her was she appeared to be wearing some kind of uniform. Army fatigues with an unusual insignia on her left shoulder. She possessed an air of intelligence, quiet authority and confidence. Smiling at Margaret, she held out her hand. Margaret found herself automatically responding.



“Hello,” The woman introduced herself; “I ‘m Sam, Major Samantha Carter.”



“Margaret Brin,” Margaret responded, bemused at the military title.



Sam glanced behind Margaret and Willow gave her a little wave, “Hi Sam.”



“Hello Willow. May I ask why I am here?”



“Margaret would like to see Amy and Glory” Willow answered.



“Are you ready for that? What I mean is, you know the consequences if you should try to release them?”



Margaret glanced around as Willow and Sam spoke, they were now in what appeared to be an underground military complex. Major Carter was in the process of taking a swipe card from her pocket as Willow answered her query.



“I’m ready, Margaret thinks it would be helpful to ask them a few questions.”



“What are the consequences you were referring to?” Margaret wanted to be fully aware of the situation before proceeding any further.



“Because of the dangerous nature of the two in question, there are a series of fail-safes that have been put in place to prevent them from escaping. Also to prevent Willow from suddenly deciding to release them. Both events lead to the same outcome…” Sam informed Margaret.



“Which is..?”



“I can answer that,” said Willow. “If Amy or Glory somehow mange to by pass the security measures in place, or if I gain access to them without following a strict procedure, a reaction will be triggered…” Willow tapped her forehead, “up here..”



“What kind of reaction?”



“Basically, Willow will enter a catatonic state. Neither Amy nor Glory though free from their confinement would be able to use Willow in any way that could have an effect on the physical world around her. Essentially they would be free to roam inside Willows mind but as she would be unresponsive to the outside world herself, they would not pose a threat to anyone.” Sam gave the details as she entered a code into the door lock. Margaret noted that Willow pointedly turned her back on Sam to avoid any chance she might see or be able to guess the code, Margaret was becoming increasingly amazed at the complexity of Willows mind. How she had accepted her self as being mad, and then taken steps to protect those around her from her madness. Margaret hoped Willow would be able to handle finding out she was not nor ever had been mad.



“This catatonic state… It’s reversible, right?” Margaret asked.



Sam shook her head, “That is unknown. However, I will add, it has not been considered as an option. Willow felt that if there was a chance of reversing it, it would not act as too much of a deterrent.. The same security applies to the other room as well. The one behind the containment field.”



“The what?”



“Sam has devised a containment field that only she knows how to shut off.” Willow answered Margaret.



“But what is contained there?”



“The magick of course.” Willow spoke brightly. “I couldn’t have it all surging about willy nilly…I might’ve been tempted to use it.”



Margaret sighed. “Let’s just see Amy and Glory. Then we’ll address the magick situation.



Sam turned to them both. “Are you ready?” When they both nodded, she hit the button under the keypad and the door hissed open. A long corridor stretched ahead of them. The end of which was obscured by some sort of energy barrier.



Sam gestured for them to proceed down the corridor. As they stepped forward the door closed automatically and Sam entered another series of numbers, locking it behind them.



“Walk to the barrier and stop. Don’t touch the energy field.” Sam warned them.



Willow looked at Margaret and nudged her with her elbow; “She’s good isn’t she.” Willow whispered a grin on her face.



“Very impressive Willow.” Margaret responded.



They stopped at the energy barrier, and once more Sam swiped a card and entered a pass code. She checked with them both and at their nod, she switched off the force the field. Once passed, it buzzed back into place. Now they could see the end of the corridor. It terminated in a door. There was a small porthole type window in the door and a faint green glow could be seen through the glass. On either side, opposite each other were two more doors.



“Amy is behind the door on the right, Glory the left.” Sam informed them.



“The third contains the magick?” Margaret enquired.



“Yes it does.” Sam answered.



“Who would you like to see first Margaret?” Willow asked nervously.



“Oh without a doubt, I think we’ll visit Amy first. I think a lot can be cleared up by spending a little time with Amy.” Margaret smiled at Willow.



Sam nodded and approached the door. “Once again I must warn you of the consequences should you try to release her or if she tries to escape. For Willow it means entering a catatonic state, for you Margaret, you would be unable to leave with either of the detainees if that were your intention. The consequences for your body, which remains on the outside, would be uncertain. Do you understand?”



“Oh yes.” Willow answered clearly.



“I do.” Replied Margaret.



“Then you may enter.” Sam released the lock.



**********************************

[EffieBlue]

*******************************

Next bit



As they entered the room Amy looked up. She was seated at a table and appeared to have been spending her time shredding paper. Not recognising Margaret, she put down the paper and smiled at her. “At last!” She said. “I hope you are here to release me, I’ve been here far too long as it is.”



“My name is Margaret Brin. Actually Amy, I’m here to discover how you ended up here.”



Cautiously Willow moved from her place behind Margaret. “Hello Amy.”



Amy leaped to her feet knocking over her chair as she did so. “You! You did this to me! Trapped me here!”



“Sit down Amy.” Margaret spoke forcefully.



Amy ignored Margaret, “I don’t know how you did this but you better let me go, I’m warning you Willow. Let me out of here or you’ll regret it…” She started towards Willow menacingly. Willow squeaked and hid behind Margaret.



“That’s enough Amy. Sit down now!” Margaret didn’t raise her voice but Amy stopped her advance on Willow and picking up her chair, she sat back down.



Amy glanced at Margaret and spoke slyly. “She’s crazy you know. Crazy and dangerous…”



Sam Carter stepped into the room bringing a couple of chairs with her. Placing them at the table opposite Amy. Margaret sat and motioned Willow to follow suit. As Willow sat, Margaret turned to Sam. “Can you get another seat and join us please?” Sam nodded and left. Returning a few seconds later, she didn’t join them at the table but placed her seat by the door and made herself comfortable.



Amy watched the interaction carefully. Margaret was certainly the person who was in control; it would have to be her who she would deal with. She leaned back in her chair and assumed a relaxed attitude. “Shall we get on with this? The sooner this mess is sorted out, the sooner I can get out of here.”



“Ok Amy.” Margaret smiled. “Why don’t you tell us why you felt it necessary to tamper with Willows life.”



“I haven’t, she’s nuts, she did it all herself.” Amy answered sullenly.



“But you see Amy I know that’s not true. You have made changes in Willows life we have seen them; we have seen the original events too. We know what you have done…”



“Why Amy?” Willow broke in, “why did you do this to me? I don’t get it. You even made me believe Tara and Buffy were going to die, I nearly killed them I took their memories from them…”



“Because you took what was rightfully mine!” Amy shouted.



“What? I never…”



“You kept me as a rat for years while you got stronger, more powerful. That should have been me!”



“But I tried..”



“You could’ve done it any time you wanted to. If you’d really wanted to!”



“I tried everything to reverse the spell you did!”



You got on with your life.. Got more powerful and I stayed a rat. You took what was rightfully mine!” Amy shouted at Willow then narrowing her eyes she snarled at her, “Then when you’d done it, reversed the spell, you wouldn’t share the power. You had what should’ve been mine and you wouldn’t share it with me..”



“So you decided to get some revenge?” Margaret broke in before Willow could respond to Amy’s attack.



“Yes!”



“Who helped you?”



“Nobody! I did it myself!”



“That’s not true Amy. Is it?” Margaret continued to press her. “Who helped you!?”



“They wanted me!” Amy shouted. “They recognised I was the one with the true gift and they wanted ME! They promised me more power and a chance for revenge. Why should you..” Amy stabbed her finger towards Willow, “why should you have had it all? They gave me the opportunity for revenge all I had to do was let them use the power that I had, and then I would have more, so much more!” Amy was raving now, then suddenly she slammed her fist onto the table. “But they lied to me! It was never me they wanted. It was you all along, they lied to me and used me…”



“So why didn’t you stop?” Willow asked quietly, “why did you carry on hurting us all? And who the hell are They?



“They are a government agency, call themselves the Initiative, they have a demon, who can… Do things, things with time….” Her voice trailed off, as she became lost in thought.



Margaret nodded, this fitted in with everything Rupert had told her.



“Why didn’t you stop?” Willow asked again.



“Because I figured out how to get what I wanted. How I could have what was rightfully mine. So I went along with their plans. Isolate you from your friends, get you hooked on a type of dark magic that you would crave, would do anything for…. But YOU damn you! You wouldn’t play nicely!”



“What?” Willow was confused.



“You got yourself off it. That wasn’t supposed to happen! And why did you go cold turkey? To get back with that stupid Tara who wouldn’t even let you use magick. You gave it all up for her. You had all that power and you wouldn’t even use it! Damn you it was wasted on you!” Amy was standing now, shouting at Willow. “You messed everything up, I had it all planned. All that work I’d done, having to join with that revolting demon every time…. And you still wouldn’t play properly because of Tara Maclay. To get her back you gave it all up.” She sank back down into her chair as a dawning look of horror crossed Willows face.



“No…” she whispered.



Amy started to laugh. “But I got you in the end! And all it took was a tiny bit of metal. A whisper in a crazy boys ear and a simple deflection spell and abracadabra… one dead Girl friend…”



“NO!” shouted Willow pushing herself away from the table in horror at Amy’s words.



“Yes! I did it. I even stopped Osiris from granting your request to bring her back. That was a little more difficult… “ Amy continued viciously. “You know he would have done it too… I had to get there first…. But you did something, you blasted me with something… and suddenly I’m inside your head having to put up with your dreadful wailing. I don’t know how you did it but I needed to get control of you quickly. I saw I could still make it work… had to make it work ... I needed to get you back to the Initiative… That would be where my body would return. I was pretty sure they would be confused as to what had happened but they needed me. They would take care of my body and as they wanted you, all I had to do was give them the opportunity to get you. Or drive you to them…either way I had to remove you from your friends…” She stopped and smiled insanely at Willow. Who was now backed against the door shaking her head at every word that Amy spoke.



“So you took over Willows mind?” Margaret asked calmly. This was what she had been after, confirmation that Amy had actually been drawn into Willows mind and taken over. She heard Willow gasp from somewhere behind her.



“You mean you are really inside my head?”



“Yes, you did something when you attacked me when I was Osiris, when you hit me with that blast of power…”



“I was angry. I lashed out at Osiris for refusing my request but then I tried to stop it. I called the power back.”



“And it took Amy’s mind with it. Or at least a significant part of it.” Added Margaret. She was amazed at how calmly Willow seemed to be taking this. Willow slowly made her way back towards the table. Margaret glanced at her at as Amy started talking again.



“Yes, I ended up inside your crazy head and you were pathetic. It was easy to trap you. But I needed more power, so I went to the Magic Box and drew everything from the darkest magick books that were there…”



“So,” interrupted Margaret, “you set about making sure Willow would be alone, her friends turned against her.. Even killed by her if possible.”



“It was the only way to be sure, I knew what they were like, they’d forgive her anything. Anything but that, taking a human life, or killing one of them, if I could kill Buffy, even better…”



“You bitch!” Willow shouted and lunged at Amy. “You killed Tara!”



“Willow no!” Margaret made a grasp at Willow but she evaded her and in a flash, she had Amy buy the throat. They crashed to the floor as Willow screamed at Amy. “You fucking bitch! You killed her, you took her from me!” She tightened her grip on Amy’s throat. Sam pushed Margaret out of the way and grabbed Willow, pulling her backwards.



“Stop it Willow! Let her go, don’t do this..” Sam struggled to break Willows grip on Amy and Margaret joined her, together they managed to pull Willow off.



“Let me go!” Willow screamed, “I OWE HER PAIN!”



Sam let Willow go and leaving her in Margaret’s care, she dragged Amy to her feet and forced back into her chair. Amy struggled against her, realising she had an opportunity to escape. Sam struck her once sharply, stunning her into passivity. For good measure, she handcuffed her to the chair.



Margaret held tightly to Willow as she thrashed and moaned incoherently against her. Eventually the thrashing began to subside and her moaning became quiet sobs.



“Why?” she sobbed against Margaret, “Why don’t you let me kill her. I don’t care what happens..”



“But I do Willow,” Margaret spoke soothingly. “I care very much what happens to you. And I don’t know what the consequences would be if I allowed you to do that.” Margaret held on tighter as Willow struggled against her.



“I told you, I don’t care what happens to me!” Willow shouted at her.



“See, I warned you she was crazy.” Amy muttered sullenly.



“Shut up!” shouted Sam and Margaret together.



“Don’t you see, Willow. All of the things you have been punishing yourself for, everything… It was never you!” Margaret held on to Willow as she still struggled against her.



“Hey!” shouted Amy, “Don’t put that world destroying mess on me! I actually tried to stop it.”



“Only because it messed with your plans.” Responded Margaret.



“Well yeah, there is that.” Laughed Amy, “I could hardly have the world end before I got my body back. Besides, I had already missed enough being a rat for so long. I wanted a chance to enjoy myself… Anyway, it wasn’t me, it was the crazy blonde bitch, mind you,” sniggered Amy, “She was very inventive when it came to torturing Warren…”



Margaret felt Willow shudder at the mention of Warren and his torture. Then Willow sighed. She said something that was muffled against Margaret’s shoulder.



“What?” Margaret asked her.



“So I did that.. Or at least I helped.” Willow spoke more clearly.



“No! Willow. That was Glory, don’t forget about Glory and I have a pretty good idea of how she got here.” Margaret got Willow to sit down. Moving her chair as close as possible next to Willow to keep in contact with her.



Willow closed her eyes, tried to calm herself. She couldn’t look at Amy she was afraid of what she might do to her. She struggled to get herself under control to try to understand what Margaret was saying. But thoughts and memories were screaming into her mind and exploding through her head.



Tara, so beautiful, standing before the window, the sunlight glistening through her golden hair. Smiling at the thought of Buffy and Xander making up but with that vixeny glint in her eye as she mentioned the “best part..”

The crack of gunfire and the tinkling sound of breaking glass. The look of concern flashing across Tara’s face before she fell, then dying as Willow held her in her arms.



Her despair at Osiris when he refused her request, her anger as she lashed out. Then trying desperately to call the power back. It was as though she had heard Tara cry out, “No Willow…” and she’d known Tara would never want that, revenge, vengeance done in her name. She knew she couldn’t do that…

Losing control and Amy taking over, thinking it was as before.. That she had fallen into madness. She had struggled against it, fighting with Amy after she had absorbed the magick from the books. Buffy was dying; at least she could use some of that power to help Buffy live. Tara would want that. Her surprise at how such a small piece of metal could cause such devastation and Amy hitting her as she stared at the bullet floating before her.



Finding herself trapped as she regained consciousness. Trapped and screaming at Amy and Glory as they tortured and killed Warren, desperately trying to stop Glory from hurting Dawn. Relief when Buffy intervened. Relief that was short lived as Amy and Glory went on the rampage. Fighting with Buffy and Giles. The pain at hearing Giles and Buffy laughing as she hung suspended… bound… Almost giving up trying to fight free from her prison inside her own head. Spurred on again as Amy tried to kill Giles. Then something happened. As Amy and Glory sucked the power from Giles, they got a boost from it. But it triggered something; gradually she began to feel her prison breaking down. And as they both fought each other about destroying the world. She devised a way to trap them, to stop them.



Then Xander had turned up and distracted even her. Going on about that yellow crayon. The one she was supposed to have broken, he’d brought that up before, the time he’d stolen her Barbie, said he’d tell on her if she told on him, she’d nearly told him then.. It had been Jesse that had broken the crayon, she’d only said it was herself because she hadn’t wanted Jesse to get in trouble and she’d cried because she’d realised she didn’t want to get in trouble either…



Then he’d talked of love, and she’d nearly let it happen then. Let them destroy the world. All she could think of was her world without Tara, without her love, how could she live in a world like that. It was true what Glory had told Giles too, she could feel all the pain of the world and she could end that pain for everyone…



But as Xander spoke of loving her, she had heard something else too. She had heard Tara. Tara’s sweet voice telling her she would always have her love, would always be with her. And she had known it was true. So, she had gone on with her plan. As Amy and Glory argued, she had trapped them as she had been trapped, held them fast and bound them. She would secure them forever, later..



Then she had collapsed as the magick absorbed from Giles, purged the darkness from her system. And it was over. Later as she lay on Buffy’s bed, seemingly unconscious, she had devised their prison. Creating a way she could keep them trapped forever, prevent them from ever again taking control of her mind and her body.



She had thought she was mad and she accepted her madness and her responsibility for her actions. Now she knew that hadn’t been so. She had never been mad…



She gasped as another thought came into her head and she grasped at Margaret who had been watching her.



Margaret had watched Willow as she had withdrawn into herself as the realisation of all that been revealed hit her. She became fearful that it would all be too much for Willow to cope with and she almost pulled them out of their Mind Joining. However, she had stopped herself as she saw a spark of something new take over and Willow had grasped her arm tightly shouting at her.



“Margaret!” The excitement was obvious in Willows voice. “Tara! Tara was killed by magickal means, It means…”Willow paused and took a deep breath, “It means she can come back…”



Willow leaped to her feet repeating her statement. “She can come back!” She began pacing the room, “how though? How to do it. The last Urn of Osiris was broken when we brought Buffy back. Besides…” She paused and stopped her pacing. “Besides, I only managed to do that spell because Tara was with me. Now isn’t that ironic. Tara can come back.. But she can’t because she’s not here to help me with the spell. Seeing as she’s DEAD!” the last word was spat out venomously at Amy who shrank back in her chair.



Willow resumed her pacing, “so there must be another way. Some way of appealing to Osiris directly….”



She turned quickly and slammed her hands down on the table in front of Amy. Causing both Amy and Margaret to jump.



“How?” demanded Willow.



“W..what?” Amy squeaked.



“You said Osiris would have granted my request. How?”



I..I don’t know…”



“I. SAID. HOW?” Willow leaned over threateningly.



“I don’t know!” Amy shouted back at her.



Willow turned away again. “Never mind. I don’t need your help. I’ll find the way myself. Research, it’s what I do best….”



“There is another way.” Amy spoke quietly.



“What? What did you say?” Willow snapped round to face Amy.



“I said there’s another way.”



“What do you mean…? Oh.. Wait, I get it. Your way.”



Amy nodded, “Yes it can be done…”



Willow just looked at her, not moving, thinking. Then she took a deep breath and nodded. “The Initiative and their pet demon. And of course, I let you out of here.”



“Well yeah!” Said Amy.



Margaret glimpsed Sam starting to rise from her chair and silently shook her head, causing Sam to raise an eyebrow in query. But she followed Margaret’s lead and remained in her seat. The tension in the room was palpable and Margaret found herself holding her breath as she watched Willow. This was the defining moment, Willow was on the brink of an important decision, she was standing on a precipice and Margaret wasn’t sure if Willow was going to step back or jump off.



“Ok.” Said Willow.



“What!?” Amy wasn’t sure if she’d heard right.



“I said. Ok.” Repeated Willow.



Margaret shook her head sadly, Willow had jumped.



“YES!” Crowed Amy, and then she rattled the handcuffs against her chair. “Get these off me, let’s go, let’s get started!”



“Yes. Let’s.” Said Willow.



Amy was jubilant. It was all going to work out. Oh there’d been a small hiccup in her plan, she hadn’t quite bargained for getting sucked into Willows head and she still wasn’t sure how Willow had managed to get back in control… but now it was all heading back on track. Willow was going to release her. Once that happened she’d be the one back in charge, they’d be with the Initiative in no time, and she’d be back inside her own body instead of stuck inside Willows head. One phone call and Anderson would have Willow picked up… once back at the Initiative she would put her other plan into action. She knew now, she could easily manipulate Willow. The woman had such a problem with guilt and self worth she knew she could get her to see how ‘bad’ she’d been. Then it would be a simple matter of getting Willow to ‘want’ to give Amy her power… Willow would never use it to it’s full potential anyway…



“W..What?” she’d been so lost in her happy thoughts she hadn’t realised Willow was speaking to her.



“Amy, Amy!” Willow snapped her fingers in front Amy getting her attention. “I said, how are you feeling? You kinda drifted off on me there… Everything’s ok isn’t it?” Willow smiled sweetly at Amy



“Oh yeah, sorry, just making plans. Everything’s fine, great! Wonderful in fact…”



“Good, good.” Said Willow. “So you’d say you were feeling pretty happy yeah? That things are looking up? You’ve been through a rough patch but now life is looking pretty good…. Would you say that was a fair description of how you are feeling?”



Amy frowned, she wasn’t quite sure what Willow was going on about but she was in a happy place… “Err yeah. I’m feeling great!” She jiggled the ‘cuffs again, “get these off me and let’s get outta here.”



Willow laughed, it wasn’t a pleasant sound. “I don’t think so.”



“What!” squeaked Amy



“It’s never gonna happen Amy.” Willow grinned.



“W.. What? B..But you said…”



“Yeah, I know. Guess what?” Willow said brightly. “I lied!” and Willow burst out laughing again.



“You bitch!” Amy screeched at her



Willows grin got wider then vanished in an instant. “Doesn’t feel so good now does it Amy, when all your hopes are snatched away in a heart beat…”



“I’ll fucking kill you, you crazy bitch!” Amy screamed.



Willow turned to Margaret; “shall we go? I don’t think Amy has anything else useful to tell us..”



Margaret looked shocked then started to laugh. “Oh Willow that was cruel…” but she couldn’t keep the laughter from her voice.



“Yeah I suppose it was a bit naughty…”



“What about Tara?” Amy shouted, “you’ll never get her back without my help.”



Willow turned back to Amy and sighed. “I can get Tara ‘back’ any time I want. I don’t need yours or any ones help for that!”



“Willow?” Margaret was again unsure about what Willow was intending to do.



“Don’t worry, I’m not about to do some spell or go off in search of Osiris. I learned my lesson with Buffy. I know where Tara is. How can she NOT be in some heavenly dimension? There’s no way I’d drag her out of where she belongs. NO. All I have to do to bring her back is think about her, remember her and she’s with me. Here…” Willow tapped her head. “And here.” She placed her hand over her heart. “She never ever left here…” Willow looked towards the door and smiled as it opened. “See, here she is.”



Sam jumped from her seat and Margaret turned as Tara entered the room. She nodded to Margaret and gave an amused half smile to Sam, she was so going to tease Willow about her Stargate addiction. Later though… She walked towards Willow and held out her hands to her. Willow grasped each hand and felt a shock wave run through her body.



“You’re here,” she said shakily,



“Yes baby.”



Willow felt her legs begin to buckle and everything began to go dark, “Tara.. What’s happening…”



“Shh.. Hold onto me, I’ve got you now….” Tara grasped Willow tightly into her arms and Willow nodded weakly.



“Don’t let go…. I’m going to faint… right about…. Now.”.





TBC.

[Washi]

As I already said, I'm loving this! Keep up the great work!

---------



"See? I've mastered this tact crap." Anya in Tears Of The Goddess by Lisa

[Grimlock72]

Hehe, the best punishement for Amy to keep that part of her mind nicely out of her physical body. It would be better if Willow could get rid of it though, not much fun having your head used as storage facility .



Glory is a whole other problem, her/Ben's body is long dead so there's no place for her mind to go. Dump it in the thrash then ? Would work for me, Glory has never been shown to have much of a brain anyway :-).



Amy is rather convinced that Willow should have de-ratted her earlier isn't she ? Why does she always seem to forget how she became a rat in the first place ? Makes her look even more pathetic than usual.



All the protection does make sense, sounds much like something Willow do as well. She knows letting either Glory or Amy out would be dangerous, so blocking them is sort of smart. The trouble is keeping them in for the rest of her life, would be easier if she could just get rid of them.



Normally I would complain how Willow is a verrry innocent victim without faults here, but since thats kinda the point of this story I better not :-).



Imagine that, they wont even have to go looking for mister Anderson and his groupies. They're about the make a visit anyway, though I don't see how those people could ever penetrate magical wards.



Grimmy

--

She(Tara) knew that she was Willow too. If she knew that then why hadn't Willow herself? That wasn't fair. She was Willow. she should have known that first. -- Willow in _Sidestep Chronicle_ (part 80)

[xita]

This is new to the archive. You can leave feedback!



To the creator of this thread: If you ever want to add something new, just email a mod and we'll move it to the active Pens board.

- - - - - - - - - - -
"Trust is a risk masquerading as a promise."

[Viximon]

Wooow. I really really enjoy this fic. Hope you upload soon 'cause I'm a little obssessive with the fics I like.



All the mess in Willow head is awsome cool. I mean that make sense. Oh, and now that Tara comes ...

At first there were sometimes so sad but its nice to see the two faces of the story. Besides there is fun too, at last to me and my odd sense of fun. (Like when Anya explain that Willow's pain is so loud that Vengance Demosn would be on queue waiting down to LA . Thought is a cute part too, seeing how Anya cares too, and all the scoobies)

Keep it up