Feedback: s'all good. or bad. whatever you want. i'm thickskinned.
Distribution: umm yes? email me and i'll say yes, but email me cause i like to see my name in lights.
Rating: i'm thinking pg.
Spoilers: the gift
Disclaimers: characters/storyline = joss' and not kim's. darn it.
Notes: this is my first fanfiction i've ever written so how's about you give me that novice leniency? actually that's a lie, i think i wrote one sailor moon fanfiction when i was in 9th grade. but i somehow don't think that counts.
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Dawn listen to me. Listen. I love you.
I'll always love you. But this is the work
I have to do. Tell Giles I... I figured it
out. And I'm okay. Give my love to my
friends. You have to take care of them
now -- you have to take care of each
other. You have to be strong. Dawn.
The hardest thing in this world is to
live in it. Be brave. Live. For me.
Willow clutched Tara's shoulders, her knees weakening considerably and her body going into a strong tremble. All of her strength from the past few days dissipated at the sight of her best friend strewn over the pile of bricks. Her mind just kept flashing back to the moment they met. Then random instances they shared together, some involving the scary undead trying to suck blood or eat brains or what have you; others more natural. Others, like 'their corner' at the Bronze, or that time Xander did something cute yet mildly stupid, and she and Buffy exchanged amused yet sort of grossed out looks. Well, more like those thousand some-odd times really. She buried her face in Tara's shoulder. She just couldn't look at Buffy's expression because she knew that they'd never get to exchange amused yet sort of grossed out looks again.
She was strong for Willow. She knew she had to be, so she was; regardless of whether she could be or not. Willow's body weight was more than she could bear physically, but that was unimportant. She could hardly register it. Buffy was gone. Her family, all standing around her, her real family. Emotions returned to her from three years past. For a second Buffy's face looked like her mother's. Tara closed her eyes, shaking her head. Opening them back up, silent tears clouded her vision, but the vision of her mother had left her and it was again her friend's face in view. Her breathing staggered, pain running through her hand, her back, her whole body. Her thoughts were muddled, nothing fit exactly right. She blacked out, but she knew she had to stand strong for Willow, so her body remained erect while pain flooded through her emotionally and physically, but piercing rather than flooding her intellectually.
Xander held Anya. He didn't think. He couldn't think. This wasn't real. He'd wake up. He knew it. It was only a matter of time. He would wake up of course though. He definitely would.
Anya went unconscious again, in need of medical attention.
Giles moved towards Buffy. He thought to himself that perhaps her slayer strength her kept her alive, and she was merely unconscious. He would have to call an ambulance of course, but her strength would keep her alive for the time being. He pushed his index finger and middle finger against her neck to feel for a pulse. Nothing.
Dawn struggled to keep her breathing regular. She knew Buffy was gone before she reached the bottom of the ladder. It hurt. She hurt. She wanted her mom, and her sister, but she understood once Buffy had told her. They had to be strong for eachother. It was a college essay type moment. Dawn inhaled. She looked at everyone. She understood better than everyone else. She watched Tara hold Willow. No, Tara understood as well. Xander looked blank. Giles was obviously in denial. Spike was crying and on fire. Whoa, Spike was crying. Whoa, wait, and Spike was on fire.
'Get away from here,' Dawn warned quickly, positioning herself over him so he was away from the sun. He didn't move. He didn't even seem to hear her.
'Spike! You have to! The sun!' The word 'sun' struck a chord, and Spike glanced up, his sight blurred through tears. Pain seared on the back of his neck, and when he tried to look at Dawn, the sun burned onto his face. He slammed his eyes shut and hobbled into the shade, snapping back into reality.
Giles and Xander both heard the commotion, waking up out of their poses. '911,' Giles stammered. 'Someone call it. Now.'
'Right,' Xander responded. He noticed Anya's weakening condition and started to get panicky. 'Watch her too!' Xander ran off to the wrecking ball, where he had noticed a nearby pay phone prior to the battle.
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Giles, Dawn, Willow and Tara sat in the living room at Joyce's house. No, Buffy's house. No again, Dawn's house. They were silent.
The day had been spent at the hospital and none of them really remembered what had happened and probably didn't even know at the time. It was all too much. By then it was early evening, but none wanted to be nor was aware of that fact.
'I'll get us something to drink,' Giles offered, going through the gestures of normalcy.
Willow nodded, and then moved next to Dawn, putting her arm around her. She moved to say something, but she knew if she started to, it would end in uncontrollable sobbing. Dawn rested her head against Willow's shoulder. That was enough for now.
The phone rang.
Tara vaguely heard it through the pounding and flooding and piercing go on in her mind. 'That's probably Xander at the hospital to report on Anya's condition.'
It stopped. Giles had answered it in the kitchen, away from the others. 'Hello?'
It was a woman's voice. 'Is this the residence of Buffy and Dawn Summers?'
'Yes? Who is this?'
'I'm calling from the Department of Social Services. To whom am I speaking?'
'Hello, I'm Mr. Giles. I'm, uhm, a close friend of the family. I'm taking care of Dawn.'
'Mr. Giles is it? Well, with Buffy's death, her father's absence, and no surviving relatives on record, the only legal option is to have Dawn taken into custody of the state. Unless you or someone else capable could petition for custody that is.' Noticing his accent, the agent added, 'Are you a US citizen, sir?'
'Well, no. No I am not. But I can take care of Dawn. I can do this.'
'I'm sorry, sir. I just don't think it's possible. If you're not a citizen and have no relationship to the girl..'
'No relationship? And the bloody state has what relationship to Dawn? Answer me that,' Giles replied, clearly agitated.
'Sir, there is no arguing this. It's the law. I'm sorry sir. She'll be taken into custody soon. A DSS agent will be at the house in the near future. Until then, please take care of her.'
Giles slammed down the receiver. Options. He needed them. Take it to court? No. The law was clear. The case seemed futile. Besides, he knew his best bet. He just wasn't ready to deal with it yet.
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Giles sat down with four mugs. Three were tea, the fourth was hot cocoa for Dawn.
'Was it Xander?' Willow asked.
'No, he hasn't called yet. I suppose he will soon though. Anya should be alright.'
No one touched their drinks.
'Who was it then?' Dawn inquired, not really interested, but feeling the need to continue this fragmented attempt at conversation.
Giles reached for his tea with frustration concerning the previous phone call. 'Well it was--' His drink fell over, tea covering the table and dripping onto the floor. 'Bloody hell. I'll get something to clean it up.' He rose and went into the kitchen.
'I think I have some tissues in my bag,' Willow said, trying to help. She reached into her bag and pulled out a wad of tissues. A vial of pills fell on the floor. It sounded like shaking a pack of Tic Tac's, and everyone's attention was directed towards it.
Tara didn't know Willow took pills. Willow didn't take pills. Perplexed, she said, 'Willow, what are those?'
'Oh, them. They are to keep..' It hit her. They were for Tara. But she didn't need them ever again. She was back. Tara was back. Willow picked up the bottle and stared at them, tears brimming in her eyes. The emotion of all this overwhelmed her.
Understanding what they were, Tara reached out and held Willow's, causing the bottle to drop again to the floor. Tara winced. Looking down, Willow realized that Tara had reached out with her right hand, the on mangled by Glory. The hand was covered in black stitches, and was bright red and super puffy. She looked at Tara's face for the first time in hours and began to realize just how much pain she'd been in this whole time. 'Headache bad?' she asked softly.
'Don't worry about me.' The resolve in her voice had been obvious, but the fact that Tara felt like she had just woke up after drinking a straight gallon of vodka the night before wasn't lost on Willow.
Barely audible, Willow whispered, 'I love you.' Tara did that 'loving communicated through her eyes' thing, and Willow caught it.
Dawn knew that she was intruding on a moment, and had been staring down at her hands. Dried blood. She realized that it was her blood and felt around on her stomach for the cuts that Doc had made before. They had closed up already. They were shallow cuts.
'I need to take a shower, I'm going to go upstairs now.'
'Oh Dawnie, you don't have to leave, we didn't mean to make you..'
'No, it's ok. I really need to get out of these clothes and get cleaned up. Besides, I'm used to being around all this stuff. I mean, geez, Riley and B--' She stopped. Buffy.
Willow caught it. 'Oh Dawnie..'
'No, it's ok. I'm.. ok. I'll be down later.'
It was unconvincing, but Willow didn't know what else to do, so she let Dawn be.
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Giles walked into the kitchen again. His hand was covered in sticky hot tea. He was vaguely aware of some pain, so he ran cool water over his hand and then dried it with a dishtowel. He sighed, and picked up the phone receiver, having completely forgotten about the paper towels he had come in for. He dialed the number. He had no other choice.
'Quintin Travers.'
'Yes, it's Rupert.'
'Ah, I knew it was only a matter of time until you called again. I know what happened to Buffy. I suspect you will be returning to England for a new assignment from the Council.'
'No, I'm not leaving Sunnydale. I am needed here.'
'For what? You can't think that you are going to be assigned as Faith's watcher.'
'No, Quintin. I don't. I am needed with my family.'
'You mean the slayer's friends? Rupert, you can't possibly think--'
'I do. And I am. I understand that procedure entails my return to England. And I will, when I am no longer needed. I must take care of her sister, Dawn.'
'Her sister? Rupert, what are you talking about?'
'Quintin, I understand our differences. I understand that this would be considered a favor. But I know that the Council has the capacity to do this. Give me four years or until a better custody situation arises. I have no choice. I must do this. It is what Buffy would have wanted.'
'Rupert, this it out of the question.'
'You WILL bloody do this or I will not return and the protocol will have been breached anyway. Do this. Consider it an act of kindness! Consider it a favor! Consider it was you want, but do it!'
'Alright. I'll have custody be given to you, but you must understand, in four years at most, you will return to England. Is that understood?'
'Understood.'
'Until later then. Goodbye Rupert.'
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It was dark. Hell if he cared anyways. But the dark was beneficial.
He slammed his boot into the chest of his advisary. He pushed a stake through her heart as she stumbled backwards. He yelled and attacked the next one. And the next one. And the next one. And the next. It was a blur. He was a blur. It didn't matter anyway. None of it did. He'd killed them all, only he hadn't killed anything. They were already dead. Like her.
He sought out more. He knew of a few more nests. Could take the whole night. He hoped it would. He needed to it to. But then he didn't know what he'd do tomorrow night. He couldn't do this forever. But he'd try.
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'Dawn?'
'Yeah?' she yelled from the bathroom upstairs.
'I'm going to bring Willow and Tara at the dorm. Would you like to come or are you ok here?'
'I'll be ok here, Giles. Thanks.'
Dawn looked at herself in the steamy mirror. She ran her fingers against the cuts Doc had made over her stomach. She felt sick and went over to the toilet. She started to throw up.
A few minutes later, Dawn was leaning over the toilet, bawling. When she sat up, Dawn felt dirty all over again. She turned the shower back on and went back in. Water mixed with tears and became indiscernable.
When she got out for the second time, she got on her clothes. She had places to go.
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Willow's hand shook and didn't shake and shook again as she tried to push her key through the lock to enter her dorm room. Her other arm was wrapped around Tara's body. She leaned against Willow, obviously exhausted and still suffering her headache.
Finally fitting the key, Willow pushed the door open and flicked the light on. Tara winced at the light discretely, but Willow caught it and quickly shut the light off. Embarrassed, Tara blushed and thanked her quietly.
'You don't have to pretend, Tara. I know it hurts. You don't have to pretend for my sake,' Willow said. 'Maybe we should both just shower and go to bed. It's really late; the bathroom is probably empty by now anyway.'
'Willow, I can't.. I-I mean maybe we sh-should just go to bed. I know you're tired. You've already been through s-so much, and taking care of me w-when I was..' she drifted off in her sentiment.
She frowned. 'I'll help you, baby. It's ok. You don't have to pretend you're alright because of me.'
Tara leaned back onto the bed. 'I think we just need the rest now.' Her voice sounded foreign, and she could barely hear it over the whole piercing action in her head.
'You're probably right,' she looked down at her heads, which had never really stopped shaking. A ring caught her eye. Buffy's ring. She slouched down beside Tara. 'She's gone, she's really gone. Oh god, Tara..' she voice cracked and she went into a sob. Tara dragged herself up to Willow and wrapped her arms around her.
They eventually settled to onto the bed. Tara still held Willow, who cried quietly for hours. Tara wouldn't sleep until Willow had fallen asleep. She had to be there for her if she could.
An hour or so later, Willow's breathing slowed down considerably and she'd fallen asleep. Tara relented and allowed herself to close her eyes. Her body acquiesced and drifted off.
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Xander sat in a cold plastic chair in the dark. The hospital's air conditioning made him shiver alittle, but he didn't notice. A few feet away, Anya's figure was obscured from the dark but obviously unconscious. The doctor said she would be alright, but she had a concussion and a few broken ribs. She had also sprained her ankle. But she would be alright. He knew he should call Giles, to tell him Anya would be alright.
He didn't though. He didn't move because he couldn't leave her. Leaving this room meant reality. It meant being told by someone that Buffy had died, which of course couldn't be true. She was the slayer and had super powers and never lost.
The machine hooked up to his girlfriend monitered her heartbeat. The same sort of machine would reveal a heartbeat if it were hooked up to Buffy, because she wasn't dead. Couldn't be. She was ok, he was sure of it. But if she was ok, god why couldn't he stop crying.
---------------------------------
He knew that it was close to dawn, but there were still a few nests he could hit and couldn't stop. He felt like a machine. He'd killed more vampires tonight then in the past month.
The first lights from the sun shot across the horizon like bullets though, piercing his already tender back of neck. The pain caused him to duck behind a nearby tree, yanking up his trenchcoat over his head. From there he made a clear break for it towards his crypt.
He was smoking as he burst in but made little attempt to flail around wildly. That was mostly instinctual rather that purposeful anyway. After opening his cooler, he grabbed a cup of blood and choked it down. This is what killed her, he thought. Blood. Goddamn blood.
Pulling out a cigarette, he lit up and took a glance around the room. A bunched up little figure sat in his chair and after a moment of thought, he pegged it to be Dawn.
'What're you doing here, little bit?'
She stirred slightly, just waking up. 'Spike.'
'You shouldn't be here.' Her face was red. She'd been crying. He softened. Dawn looked so much like her.
'Spike. I need to know.'
'What?'
'I need to know.' Her voice cracked. She started tearing up. 'First mom. And, now Buffy. I mean, does it hurt? Where are they? Are they ok? Please, Spike. I need to know.'
'Look,' he said, taking a drag from his cigarette. 'Why are you asking me this? What do I know?'
'What do you know? Spike, look at you. You're like, dead. If anyone would know, I'd think, well why not ask the dead guy. Plus you kill people. Or did. Like all the time. I know about that stuff, Spike. Just tell me.'
He dropped the cigarette and stepped on the butt. 'As far as I can tell, it's about your soul. I'm dead, but I can still think, feel, move, hate, love, fu..' he checked his language. 'Well you get the idea. All's I'm missing is a soul. What in the hell that means, well I'll be damned, but I reckon that my soul's somewhere up where Buffy and Joyce are. And I know that they don't just disappear cause Angel's soul practically has a roundtrip ticket from his body to where ever Buffy and Joyce's soul is and back again if you get my drift. But that's all I know Dawn. I don't know where she is, but I know she's around.'
'Thanks, Spike. Really,' she said through a stream of steady tears. He didn't stop her crying, but she wasn't panicky as much.
He laid a hand on her shoulder. 'Look, I'll be right back.' He walked over to his television and picked up a piece of paper with some numbers scrawled on it.
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Willow awoke to the sound of Tara's ragged breathing and cries.
'Oh god! No no no no no no.. Please.. Willow!' She was drenched in sweat and completely unconscious.
Willow grabbed her shoulders and whispered while shaking her lightly, 'Tara, Tara. Come on Tara. It's ok Tara, wake up.'
She eyes opened quick. She was still panicked. 'Willow? Willow.. that place..'
'Shhh. It's ok, baby. It's all ok.'
'That place. I was s-so alone. And it was dark, everywhere. I was j-just so lost.'
'Hey, hey. I found you, remember? I am here, and even when I'm not here, I'll be there.' She pointed to her heart.
'I know.' She calmed down considerably. 'You are. Always.'
Willow smiled and kissed her. 'I love you.'
'Me too, honey. I love you too.'
'Ok?'
'Ok.'
'Good,' Willow said. She sat up in the bed, keeping on arm around her girlfriend.
'Willow?'
'Yeah, baby?'
'Buffy's there too. In your heart. She always will be.'
She winced, feeling the pang of tears returning to her eyes. But Tara was right. She would always be there, no matter what happened. Buffy would be there. She tried to respond to Tara, but her throat closed up as the tears ran down her cheeks.
Suddenly, the phone rang. Willow moved to pick it up. 'Hello?'
'Willow? Spike.'
'Spike??'
'Yeah, I, uh, just ringed Giles, but didn't get an answer, but thought I should call someone.'
'What is it Spike?'
'Well, see, Dawn is with me. She went over to my crypt last night while I was out patrolling, and when I got back around daybreak, she was here. She's ok, but like I said, I don't want the old man or anyone else to go mad worryin about the girl.'
'You said Giles didn't answer the phone?'
'No, he didn't.'
'Was that at his apartment or Bu--' she slowed down and the lump in her throat returned. She took a breath. She can do this. 'Or Dawn's house?'
He didn't respond right away. Willow's wording affected him the same way. He meekly replied with, 'Both.'
'Ok. Tara and I will be by soon to walk her home. Just stay put.'
'Got it. Be gentle when you open the door. Don't want to set me on fire now.' He hung up.
Willow looked over at Tara. 'Feel more like a human being and less like a pile of goo with a headache today?'
'I think we should go for that shower. I must have been wearing these for a few days at least. And you don't look much better in that department.'
Tara got up and moved over to Willow's dresser. She suddenly gripped the edge of it, barely having caught her balance. Willow bolted to her side with concern. 'I may be overestimating on the pile of goo to human being transformation alittle. I got you. Don't worry. I got you.'
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Willow and Tara headed out of their dorm, moving towards Spike's crypt. Giles, who had been out driving like a mad man from last night till this morning screeched to a halt and started stuttered at the two startled girls.
'An emergency! It's.. Dawn has been.. taken. We must find out what happened!'
'Mr. Giles, don't worry. She's w-with Spike. We're going to g-get her now.'
His heart breathed for the first time in eight hours or so. 'Thank god.'
He surveyed the both of them. Tara still looked very shaky, as manifested by the stuttering. Willow looked tired as well, and her eyes were very red and puffy. At least they weren't wearing the same clothes though. He couldn't say that for himself.
Willow added, 'We were going to the hospital to be with Xander and Anya afterwards. Maybe you'd meet us there?'
'Oh, well, I.. I'm going to go to my apartment first and then over to the hospital.'
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They'd all met up at the hospital. Well except Spike, mostly because it was about 2 in the afternoon. Also, Anya wasn't physically there, but rather down the hall.
'Thanks for coming you guys. And the presents idea was very thoughtful. Except you Willow. A stuffed bunny qualifies as pure evil in this situation.'
'But Xander, the bunny explicitly says, "Get Well Soon."' She made one of those 'aren't i funny' sideglances to Tara. Tara noticed and hesitantly reciprocated with a 'oh yes you are but also diabolical, honey' look.
'Also, there is another matter to be considered,' Giles interrupted. He looked much better from an hour ago. The situation with Dawn was quickly resolved, as he was so relieved to know she was alright, he hadn't the capacity to be angry. He also hadn't mentioned the custody situation either, but he hoped Dawn might assume that he'd be her guardian barring further notice.
'What is it?' asked Tara, noticing his cognitive digression.
'Oh, right. Well, it's that, well. Angel.'
to be continued, yo.