in it are fairly stupid and somewhat crude. Okay. This ends my warning. You're on your own.
TITLE: Monster Buffy Hits Volume 1
AUTHOR: Dreiser
EMAIL: dreiser0@earthlink.net
YAHOO I.D.: dreiser3
MY REALLY LONG HOMEPAGE ADDY: www.angelfire.com/anime2/superhighway/Dreiser/dreiser.html
BTVS FIC ARCHIVE: www.geocities.com/shaych3/dreiser.htm
MAILING LIST: Well, it's not really a mailing list for this
fic series but just for F/C pairing in general. Check it out! groups.yahoo.com/group/cordyhasfaith
CONTENT: F/F romance implied, F/M romance implied, hell, a lot of stuff is in implied in this weird thing.
SUMMARY: This is a musical parody fic. Filled with, who would've guessed, parodies of songs that relate back to various BTVS/ANGEL characters. It's all a joke so just sit back, relax, read awhile and try to laugh.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but Weird Al envy.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I will make a fake cd cover to go along with this "album" so visit my BTVS Fic website that is managed by Shay to go see it if you want.
THANKS TO: All the regulars in WillTara chat room on yahoo. Especially to April, Dri, Len, Michele, and Xita.
Monster Buffy Hits:
Volume 1
By: Dreiser
TRACK LISTING/ORIGINAL SONG AND ARTIST
1. Tara's Got Ass - Baby Got Back;
Sir Mix-a-lot
2. Too Skanky - Too Sexy; Right Said Fred
3. Maggie Walsh - Maggie Mae; Rod Stewart
4. Do You Really Want To Arrest Me - Do You Really Want To Hurt Me; Culture Club
5. Watchers In The Night - Strangers In The Night; Frank Sinatra
6. The Slayer Theme Song - The Smurfs Theme Song
7. Daddy Don't Brood - Papa Don't Preach; Madonna
8. She Rescued Me With Magic - She Blinded Me With Science; Thomas Dolby
9. Just A Key - Just A Girl; No Doubt
10. I Stake Myself - I Touch Myself; DiVinyls
11. It's Not Easy Being Furry - It's Not Easy Being Green; Kermit the Frog
12. She's So Horny - Me So Horny; 2 Live Crew
13. Dead Man's Apartment - Dead Man's Party; Oingo Boingo
14. Slayer Women - Independent Women; Destiny's Child
1. Tara's Got Ass
Oh my god, Buffy
Look at her ass
It is so fine
She looks like one of those wiccan girlfriends
They only talk to her because she looks like a total magic
user
Ok, I mean her ass
I can't believe it's so round
It's out there
I mean fine
Look
She's just so wiccy
I like Tara ass and I cannot lie
You other wiccans can't deny
When a girl walks in with a curvy waist
And a round thing in your face you get flamey
Want to pull up, Buff?
Cuz you noticed that ass was stuck
To the ugly long skirt she's wearin
I'm hooked and I can't stop starin
Oh Tara, I wanna get with ya
And take our picture
My Slayer tried to warn me
But your ass just makes me so horny
Oooooo pale smooth skin
You say you wanna wear my hat
Well use me, use me, because I ain't your average Scooby
I seen her dancin
The hell with our romancin
She stutters
Flutter
She's got it going like MKF
I'm tired of Buffy magazine
Sayin your ass ain't the scene
Cuz the average kitty fan, ask them that
Tara's ass is where it's at
So kitties
Yeah!
Kitties
Yeah!
Does Tara got the ass?
Hell yeah!
So you want her to shake it?
Shake it
Shake it
Shake it
Shake that wiccan ass
Tara's got ass
Tara's got ass
I like them round and firm
And when I have a bad perm
I just can't help myself
I'm acting like the wolfy
Now here's my cruelty
I wanna go to the dorm and
Uh
Double up
Uh uh
I ain't talking about playboy
Those gelatinous parts are made for toys
I want real wiccy ass to do me
So find that ray gun on the double
Willow's in trouble
Beggin for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin at rock videos
Knocking these bimbos
Walking around like Glorificus
Thinkin they can get with this
I keep my women stammerin low
A word to the magic filled wiccy sisters
I wanna get with ya
I won't act like Donny with ya
I gotta be gay now when I say
I wanna uh till the death of Dawn
Baby's got it goin on
A lot of bims won't like this song
Cause they don't appreciate the ass
And I'd rather stay and play
Cause I'm short and I'm small
And I'm down to let us be seen by all
So kitties
Yeah!
Kitties
Yeah!
So you wanna touch that ass?
Hell yeah!
So reach on out
Even Buffy/Willow shippers got to shout
Tara's got ass
Tara's got ass
Yeah baby
When it comes to wiccans
Cleo ain't got nothing to do with my selection
36
24
36
Or only if she's Tara see?
So your girlfriend carries a pistol
Playing copper like Cagney and Lacy
But Lacy ain't nowhere near as racy
My crystal don't want none unless you got buns hon
You can have sideways panty or hats
But please don't lose that ass
Some kitty wanna play it old school
And say the ass ain't where it's at
So they diss it and leave it
But the other kitty go retrieve it
So your dad says your bad
Well I ain't down with that
Cause your waist is small
And your curves are kickin
And I'm thinking about lickin
To the Slayers and the Gods in the show
You ain't it, Miss Thing
Give me a wiccy sister
And I can't resist her
During vacation we all miss her
Some dumbass tried to diss
Cause she's on my list
He had no game, a soldier, it's a shame
And I pull up quick to ignore him
So kitties if the ass is round
And you wanna triple x Tara slow down
Dial 1-900kissalot
And think them naughty thoughts
Tara's got ass
Little in the middle but she got much ass
Little in the middle but she got much ass
Little in the middle but she got much ass
2. Too Skanky
I'm too skanky for this town, too skanky for this town
They all say leave here
I'm too skanky for these pants, too skanky for these pants
So skanky everyone rants
And I'm too skanky for Sunnydale, too skanky for Sunnydale
That's why they threw me in jail
And I'm too skanky for the Bronze, too skanky for the Bronze
But they still love my sexy dancing
I'm a Slayer you know what I mean
And I fight with a kick then do a kata
Yeah, a kata, a kata, yeah
I exercise my bootie and do a kata
I'm too skanky for Angel's car, too skanky for Angel's car
Too skanky by far
And I'm too skanky for Buffy's man
Too skanky for Buffy's man, isn't that a scam?
I'm a Slayer you know what I mean
And I fight with a kick then do a kata
Yeah, a kata, a kata, yeah
I exercise my bootie and do a kata
I'm too skanky for my, too skanky for my, too skanky for my
I'm a Slayer you know what I mean
And I fight with a kick then do a kata
Yeah, a kata, a kata, yeah
I exercise my bootie and do a kata
I'm too skanky for my boss, too skanky for my boss
Poor boss, poor dead boss
I'm too skanky for my leather pants, too skanky for my leather pants
Leather will never leave me
And I'm too skanky for this song
3. Maggie Walsh
Wake up Maggie, I've got something I want to say to you
It's almost summer and I don't like working for the red, white, and blue
I know I'm used to gettin bruised
But Buffy says I'm being used
Oh Maggie, I'm sick of sounding like a bore
You led me away from all the corn
Just to experiment on me like in porn
You recorded it all and that's what's really sick
The morning only shows off your bitchy nature
But that didn't bother me none, you were my boss thing
I followed all of your orders
But you pushed my loyalty's borders
Oh Maggie, I didn't mean to lie much more
It's just with Buffy... well... I really wanted to score
Doesn't matter though because
You put a chip in me, and that's what really counts
I suppose I could ignore my libido and go back to you
Or steal from Adam's cue and maybe try a murder or two
Or find myself a real nice gal
That would want me for a pal
Oh Maggie, I wished I'd never seen your face
You made a first class freak out of me
But I'm as boring as a freak can be
You stuck a chip in me, then died immediately
I wished I'd never seen your face
I'll get back to the land of corn, one of these days
4. Do You Really Want To Arrest Me
Give me time
To remember all my crimes
Don't let me love again
I have given you penetrating stares
How can I be dead
Do you really want to arrest me
Do you really want to make me fry
Precious wishes
Sunlight that burns me
Fellow cops never ask you why
In my soul
The passion is yearning
Black is my color
I should find a new car
My worker people always tell me
That I brood
I brood too often
Do you really want to arrest me
Do you really want to make me fry
Do you really want to arrest me
Do you really want to make me fry
Words very few
I have spoken
I have wasted hundreds of years
Causing unimaginable sorrow
Apologies are a dime a dozen
Come inside my hotel/Ignore the leers
You've been busy shoutin
But just listen when I say
It's really true
You just don't know
This vamp saves people for a reason
I'm prepared
To let you roll
If it's sex that you want from me
Then you can't get that anyway
My soul isn't fancy free
It's got a funky curse today
Do you really want to arrest me
Do you really want to make me fry
Do you really want to arrest me
Do you really want to make me fry
5. Watchers In The Night
Watchers in the night reading books
Reading with blurry eyes, cleaning their glasses
Finding research before the night is through
Something in the books is so frightening
Something in the books is so heartstopping
Something in the books predicted our deaths
Watchers in the night two nerdy Englishmen
Watchers in the night up and calling Buffy
Little did they know she was away
A nasty demon killing trip with broken bones
Now she's feeling guilty
So Watchers now out of sight, resting forever
It turned out all right, for the Watchers
Who are still up in the night
6. The Slayer Theme Song
Dust dust dust dust dust
Slay a vamp who's strong
Dust dust dust dust dust
Slay the whole night long
Scoobies slay with me
It's easy as can be
Next time you're feelin down
Just dust a vamp or two
Then you won't feel blue
(Buffy)
So slay yourself a vamp!
(Spike)
Ohhhh, I hate bloody Slayers!
I'll destroy all of you, if it's the last thing that I ever do!
Soddin' wankers
Dust dust dust dust dust
Now you know the song
Dust dust dust dust dust
Go on, slay along!
7. Daddy Don't Brood
Daddy I know you're going to be upset
Because I was always your little girl
But you should know right now
That Grandmum's my baby
You always taught me evil is fun
I need you to go away Daddy, so long
I may be somewhat psycho
No one knows what I'm sayin
The wormies told me to shout
The wormies said what you're about
We're making a bloody mess, me and my baby
Daddy don't brood, we're acting lewd
Daddy don't brood, we're being crude
But I've made up my mind, Grandmum's my baby
I'm gonna ring with my baby, mmm...
She says she'll stay with me
To try and get back our family
Maybe it'll be all right
With human sacrifice
But her lawyer friends tell her to give it up
Saying I'm too nuts, she should string me up
What I need now is a painful vice
Daddy, Daddy, if you could only see
Just how good she's been treating me
You wouldn't give us your blessing now
'Cause of that Slayer cow
The wormies told me to shout
The wormies said what you're about
We're making a bloody mess, me and my baby
Ohh, Grandmum's my baby
Don't stop torturing me Daddy
I know, Grandmum's my baby
8. She Rescued Me With Magic
It's babbling in motion
She tries to explain it to me
As fast as any race car
As confusing as a word problem
Mmm - she rescued me with magic
"She rescued me with magic!"
And interesting wiccy things
When I'm dancing close to her
"Rescuing me with magic - magic!"
I can smell her incense
"Rescuing me with magic - magic!"
"Magic!"
"Magic!"
Mmm - but she's babbling in motion
She tries to explain it to me
As fast as any race car
As confusing as a word problem
Mmm - she rescued me with magic
And interesting maintexty things
When she's dancing next to me
"Rescuing me with magic - magic!"
"Magic!"
I can hear her whispering
"Rescuing me with magic - magic!"
"Magic!"
It's babbling in motion
Now she's making love to me
The crystal's in commotion
With no sign of Harmony
She rescued me with magic
"Rescuing me with magic - magic!"
And hit me with her beauty
"You make me feel special. How do you do that?"
"Magic."
I -
I don't believe it!
She did it again!
She's rescued me from them!
All my hoosier relatives and in laws
And miserable years
And horrible experiences
So what if she's babbling in motion
She tries to explain it to me
As fast as any race car
As confusing as a word problem
Mmm - she rescued me with magic
"She rescued me with me magic!"
"She rescued me with--"
9. Just A Key
Take your stupid hand off my head
I'm pissed
And I want to cry
Don't you think I know
Exactly who I am
This world is forcing me
To take a stand
'Cause I'm just a key, little ol' me
Buffy can't let me out of her sight
I'm just a key, mystical with havoc to wreak
So don't let me start any fights
Oh... I'm sick of being so meek!
The moment that I step outside
Crappy things happen
Joyce had to go and die
I can't do the simple things
Everyone keeps me near
'Cause of Glorificus
They really fear
'Cause I'm just a key
I rather not be
'Cause they won't let me out
Of their sight
I'm just a key
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause the Scoobies all sit 'n stare
With their eyes
I'm just a key
Take a good look at me
Just made of mystical hype
Oh... I've had it up to here!
Oh... am I making myself clear?
I'm just a key
A key in Sunnydale
That's all that they'll let me be
I'm just a key, living in captivity
Your rules are dumb
And make me worry some
I'm just a key, what's your destiny?
What I'm exposed to
Is making me mean
I'm just a key, my apologies
What I am is so burdensome
I'm just a key, lucky me
Glorificus, there's no comparison
Oh... I've had it up to!
Oh... I've had it up to!
Oh... I've had it up to here!
10. I Stake Myself
I hate myself I want you to hate me
When I feel good I want you to abuse me
I search for my cigs and I want you to use me
I find my cigs and so now amuse me
I don't obsess on anyone else
When I think about you I stake myself
Ohh! I don't obsess on anyone else
Oh no oh no oh no
You're the one who makes me start running
You're the one who makes me be a 'good guy'
When you're around I'm always smartassing
I want to take a long bite
I close my eyes and I see you before me
Think I'd die if you knew what I ordered
Even your friends can see how I obsess on you
But this robot chick is mighty fine
I don't obsess on anyone else
When I think about you I stake myself
Ohh! I don't obsess on anyone else
Oh no oh no oh no
I obsess on you and not anybody else
And when I think about you I stake myself
Ohh, ohh, oo, oo, ahh
I don't obsess on anyone else
When I think about you I stake myself
Ohh! I don't obsess on anyone else
Oh no oh no oh no
11. It's Not Easy Being Furry
It's not that easy being furry
Having to spend each day with a warm coat
When I think it would be nicer being human again
Or something at least closer to that
It's not easy being furry
It seems you have to clean yourself a lot
And people tend to avoid you 'cause
Your a furry rat with a wet little nose
They don't want you, on their clothes
But being furry isn't all that bad
Hell, even if I am stuck in this damn cage
A lot good times have been had
You know, Buffy and Willow, scantily clad
When furry is all I can be
It could make you wonder why
I've been stuck like this so long
Wonder why I'm still furry
And how I'll probably always be
12. She's So Horny
What're we going to do tonight, An?
Anything you want
Anything?
Anything
Ohh! How about this baby? Or this?
Hold on! Why not this for once?
Ohhhhh!
Ahh! She's so horny
Xander gets it all the time
Sittin at home in the basement feeling bored
Then what do you know Anya walks in the door
She knew just what we should do
Said, "Xander you haven't given me orgasms yet!"
I jumped up to service her then and there
'Cause a Zeppo has to have some sort of cares
She's like a cat in a heat, she gives no warning
She has an appetite for sex, 'cause she's so horny
Scoobies always wonder why we have sex so much
She says, "What's wrong with having an orgasm rush?"
'Cause you're just jealous or you're just mad
From not having the same good times we've had
At least we hide it from his Mom and Dad
The different whips and chains, aren't you glad?
She's like a cat in a heat, she gives no warning
Her appetite is sex, 'cause she's so horny
You can say we're hormonal or perverted
But at least we haven't gone and deserted
Yeah, we're still together in this game of life
Drinkin fruit punch and goin through strife
But at least we're out of that damn basement
And you know, we're stuck together like cement
Despite all this it still remains that
She's like a cat in a heat, she gives no warning
She has an appetite for sex, 'cause she's so horny
Ahh! She's so horny
Xander gets it all the time
It's true, I was practically a virgin till I met her
Faith was the first to make me shout it loud
I never told my ex-girlfriend we were goin out
She said it herself that it's just between us two
How we get along and fell in love is true blue
But y'know
She's like a cat in a heat, she gives no warning
Her appetite is sex, 'cause she's so horny
Ahh! She's so horny
Xander gets it all the time
13. Dead Man's Apartment
I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go
Livin with a dead man in the apartment
Waitin for an premonition to arrive
But he can't catch me, he's not alive
He was murdered by his mother
Cemented into the apartment wall
She didn't want him to leave her
So now he's giving me his all
It's a dead man's apartment
The rent is really low
Someone's coming over, clean the floor
Clean the kitchen and floor
All dressed up with nowhere to go
Livin with a dead man in the apartment
Waitin for an premonition to arrive
With a dead man... a dead man...
Got my best skirt and lookin fine
Sudden flash in front of my eyes
The Powers That Be are callin to me
Probably another job we'll do for free
Have to run away, but you'll see
We'll save them again then it's just you and me
So I run away, but you'll see
It's always gonna be you and me
14. Slayer Women
Buffy Summers... with her girl, Faith... and Kendra, yeah, Mr.Pointy... c'mon y'all...
Uh uh uh
Question: Tell us what you think about us
We can slay plenty of vamps without much fuss
Only look at us 'cause our bods are kickin
When the fightin is over you get up and leave
Question: Tell me what you think about this
Council tries to control Buffy and gets dismissed
Havin fun the Bad Girls way
In the end Faith had to pay
The high heels on my feet
I've slayed in
The leather pants I'm wearin
I've slayed in
The hoop earrings I got on
I've slayed in
Cause we depend on we
If I wanted anyone I could have 'em
Slayer magnetism, you buy it?
The house I live in
The prison I sit in
The grave I rest in
We depend on we
We depend on we
All the Slayers who've been called
Pull your stakes out and start dusting
All the Slayers who're fancy free
Pull your stakes out and start dusting
All the Slayers who're doin time
Pull your stakes out and start dusting
All the Slayers who've died in the line
Pull your stakes out and start dusting
Buffy, I didn't know you could slay like that
Giles, did you know your Slayer could slay like that?
Buffy, I didn't know you could slay like that
Giles, did you know your Slayer could slay like that?
Tell me how you feel about this
Who would Buffy want if she could live
She worked hard and sacrificed much
Shouldn't she get a little of the Faith naughty touch?
Slayers, it ain't easy being the Chosen few
Question: How'd you like the knowledge the Watchers got?
Braggin about how they knew what was best
But in the end they didn't know all the rest
The high heels on my feet
I've slayed in
The leather pants I'm wearin
I've slayed in
The hoop earrings I got on
I've slayed in
Cause we depend on we
If I wanted anyone I could have 'em
Slayer magnetism, you buy it?
The house I live in
The prison I sit in
The grave I rest in
We depend on we
We depend on we
All the Slayers who've been called
Pull your stakes out and start dusting
All the Slayers who're fancy free
Pull your stakes out and start dusting
All the Slayers who're doin time
Pull your stakes out and start dusting
All the Slayers who've died in the line
Pull your stakes out and start dusting
Buffy, I didn't know you could slay like that
Giles, did you know your Slayer could slay like that?
Buffy, I didn't know you could slay like that
Giles, did you know your Slayer could slay like that?
Chosen Ones
What's up?
You slayin vamps?
Sure enough
We're dustin them Slayer style
Children of Destiny
Slayer women
No one else can touch them
Chosen Ones
Woah
All the Slayers who've been called
Pull your stakes out and start dusting
All the Slayers who're fancy free
Pull your stakes out and start dusting
All the Slayers who're doin time
Pull your stakes out and start dusting
All the Slayers who've died in the line
Pull your stakes out and start dusting
Buffy, I didn't know you could slay like that
Giles, did you know your Slayer could slay like that?
Buffy, I didn't know you could slay like that
Giles, did you know your Slayer could slay like that?
-End-
(I warned you. Wasn't that weird as hell? Well, it's over. I suppose you should thank some deity that my madness has come to an end. For now.)
IP: Logged
Puff
Cool Monster Fighter
Posts: 155
Registered: Feb 2001 posted April 06, 2001 07:26
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WOW, Nic they were brilliant. I am sure I am going to get fired for laughing this much at work! But hey they never notice normally. I loved them all, I'm not even sure I have a favourite.
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hellogaynow
Doll's eye crystal
Posts: 114
Registered: Mar 2001 posted April 06, 2001 08:01
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What can I say? Wow!
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Willow: We're in love. We're lovers. We're lesbian/gay type lovers.
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Warduke
Willowhand
Posts: 435
Registered: Nov 2000 posted April 06, 2001 10:34
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All I have to say nic is
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xita
Ms. Moderator Fantastico
Posts: 2795
Registered: Sep 2000 posted April 06, 2001 09:25
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nic rofl! You put the album together and you work fast! Brilliant!
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april
Gay Now!
Posts: 1242
Registered: Oct 2000 posted April 06, 2001 09:38
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word.
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tommo
Big Pineapple
Posts: 779
Registered: Sep 2000 posted April 06, 2001 09:49
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Jeez nic, just how long did all of this take you?
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"I like money better than people. People can so rarely be exchanged for goods and/or services."
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TwiLightJoy
Doll's eye crystal
Posts: 91
Registered: Jan 2001 posted April 06, 2001 15:07
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Yay nic! We love ya! Woo hoo!
~Joy
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SciFiAcid
Cool Monster Fighter
Posts: 273
Registered: Sep 2000 posted April 06, 2001 15:18
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Damn nic! Did you get ANY sleep last night?!? You rock.. and roll... and maybe even rock some more. Can't wait for the cover!
IP: Logged
revision_Johanna
Blessed Wannabe
Posts: 18
Registered: Mar 2001 posted April 06, 2001 17:02
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Looks like you are missing some of the tracks I got, Nic. I pulled most of these from:
Monster Buffy Hits II, the technotronic funk years.
1) "Buffy guy" -- Butterfly, crazytown
2) "99 Redhead girls" -- 99 red balloons, Nena
3) "Gay" -- Blue, eiffel65
4) "Nether World" -- Safety Dance, Men without hats
5) "Ms. Kitty Fantastico" -- Cotton eye Joe, the Rednex
6) "Stake it" -- Whip it, Devo
7) "I got a witch" -- I got a girl, Tripping daisy
"Slaying Queen" -- Dancing Queen, Abbaand one naughty bonus track:
"Willow's in her room with Tara" -- Lucy in the sky with Diamonds, beatles--
1)
"Buffy guy"
Come my Riley. Come, come my Riley.
You’re my Buffy guy. Soldier, baby
Come my Riley. Come, come me Riley.
You're my Buffy guy. Soldier, baby
Such a wooden, wooden country little thing.
This iron jaw, you got me sprung
With your recycling.
And I wanna know why
‘Cause your loving makes me cry
When Walsh fires up her electric eye
Your stamina seems to be in endless supply.
Buffy lies in her eyes
And then hunts to kill.
Time is passing
I’m asking could this be real
‘Cause she can’t sleep
She can’t hold still.
The only thing I really know
Is he got sex appeal.
I can feel
Too much is never enough.
You’re always there to interrupt
When the drama get rough.
I was lost. Now I’m found
Ever since you’ve fooled around.
With that vamp that you skanked.
So yo, I’m putting it down. (puttin’ it down)
Chorus:
Come my Riley. Come, come my Riley.
You’re my Buffy guy. Soldier, baby
Come my Riley, you're my wooden baby,
I'll make your gut ache
You'll make me go crazy
Repeat Chorus
Hey soldier leader, come and
Slay with me.
The smartest thing you ever did
Was take a chance with me.
Whatever tickles your fancy.
(So long as it ain't $%^$%^ing Sandy.)
So anal almost evil
Talkin’ about Buffy guys in my head.
I used to think that happy endings
Were only in the books I read.
But you made it out alive
When I found out that Joyce was dead.
You filled that empty space
With your iron carapace
And as far as I can see,
It don’t get better than this.
So, Buffy guy here is a song and it’s sealed with a kiss.
For all the eps you'll miss.
Repeat Chorus Til End
--
2)
"99 Redhead girls"
You and I in the magic shop
Make a bunch of Crystals with the spells we've got
Use them up at the death of Dawn
'till one by one they were gone
Back at home, bugs in the software
Glory's gone mad, she ain't quite there
But floating in the summer sky
Ninety nine redhead girls go by
Ninety nine redhead girls
Floating in the summer sky
Panic bells, it's red alert
There's something here from somewhere else
The Hellmouth springs to life
Opens up one eager eye
And focussing it on the sky
Where ninety nine redhead girls go by
Ninety nine dimensions meet
Ninety nine incomplete
All the Minions super scurry
Rape and pillage in a hurry
This is what we've waited for
This is it, horde, this is war
The HellGod's life is on the line
As Ninety nine redhead girls go by
Ninety nine Knights Byzantine
Stand and fight, all serene
Ev'ry one's a super hero
Ev'ry one is Orlando
With orders to maim and kill
To make the phrophecy fulfill
Distant in the summer sky
Ninety nine redhead girls go by
Ninety nine dreams I have had
In ev'ry one a redhead girl
It's all over and I'm standing pretty
In this dust that was a city
If could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here
And here is a redhead girl
I think of you and kiss her so...
--
3)
"Gay"
Yo listen up
Here's a story about a little girl that lives in a Gay world
And all day and all night and everything she sees is just Gay like her
Inside and outside
Gay her house with the Gay little window and a Gay corvette
And everything is Gay for her and herself and everybody around
Cause the fans just won't listen...
Willow's Gay da ba dee...
She has a Gay house with a Gay window
Gay is the color of all that she wears
Gay are the streets and all the trees are too
Willow has a girlfriend and she is so Gay
Gay are the people here that walk around
Gay like her corvette it's in and outside
Gay are the words she says and what she thinks
Gay are the feelings that live inside her
Willow's Gay da ba dee...
Inside and outside
Gay her house with the Gay little window and a Gay corvette
And everything is Gay for her and herself and everybody around
Cause the fans just won't listen...
Willow's Gay da ba dee...
--
4)
"NetherWorld"
Nnnn-Eeee-Tttt-Hhhh-Eeee-Rrrr
Nether World!
Ah we can spell if we want to, we can leave your friends behind
Cause your friends don't spell and since they don't spell
Well they're are no friends of mine
I say, we can go where we want to, A place where they will never find
And we trust each other implicitly
Let your hand rest on my knee
and we can spell
Francois!
Ah we can link when we want to the night is young and so am I
And we can flush real deep from our heads to our feet
and surprise 'em with the victory cry
I Say we can spell if want to if we don't nobody will
And you can blush real cute and feel totally approved
And i can arch and moan and quiver.
I say we can spell, we can spell everything out control
We can spell, we can spell we're doing it wall to wall
We can spell, we can spell I will check out your willowhands
We can spell, we can spell everybody takin' the chance
Nether World!
Oh well the nether world
Ah yes the nether world
Nnnn-Eeee-Tttt-Hhhh-Eeee-Rrrr
Nether World!
We can spell if we want to, we've got all your life and mine
As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it
Everything'll work out right
Oh Well the Nether world
ah yes the Nether world
Oh well the Nether world
Oh well the Nether world
Oh yes the Nether world
Oh the Nether world yeah
--
5)
"Ms. Kitty Fantastico"
If it had't been for Ms. Kitty Fantastico
I'd been de-ratted long time ago
Where did you come from where did you go
Where did you come from Ms. Kitty Fantastico
If it had't been...
She came to town like a midwinter storm
She tumbled through the sheets so cute and adorable
Her purr was her tools and her yawn was her gun
But all she had come for was having some fun
(chorus)
She brought laughter wherever she went
The hearts of the girls was to her forever sent
I had to run away so nobody would know
I'd been ignored cause of Ms. Kitty Fantastico
(chorus)
(chorus)
--
6)
Stake It
stake that vamp
use your kung fu grip
step on a crack
break a Liea-ach back
when a vampire comes along
you must stake it
before the monster lives too long
you must stake it
when something's going wrong
you must stake it
now stake it
into dust
break it up
stake straight
go forward
move ahead
try to detect it
it's not too late
to stake it
stake it good
when a demonoid turns around
you must stake it
you will never live for long
unless you stake it
no one gets away
until they stake it
i say stake it
stake it good
i say stake it
stake it good
crack that skull
use your kung fu grip
step on a crack
break a Lea-ach's back
when a vampire comes along
you must stake it
before the monster lives too long
you must stake it
when something's going wrong
you must stake it
--
7)
I Got a witch
I got a witch who lives with me
I got a witch she smells so sweetly
I got a witch she loves her cat
I got a witch i love her cat too
I got a witch who checks out aura's
I got a witch who blames it on her period
I got a witch she is so right
I got a witch she's my guiding light
Well I know, I need, I feel we're goin higher and higher
I got a witch who loves good soul
I got a witch who dances the foxtrot
I got a witch who wears bad skirts
I got a witch who wears them in the nude!
I got a witch who speaks in stutters
I got a witch who will spellcast anytime!
I got a witch I'm so enthralled
I got a girl she'll knock down any wall
Well I know, I need, I feel we're going higher and higher
Well I know, I need, I feel we're going higher and higher
Get a load of this she's always witching at me when I'm tinkering
Asking questions with her little frown
I can't take much much more of this, I'm out
Get a load of this she's always witching at me when I'm tinkering
Asking questions with her little frown
I can't take much much more of this, I'm out.....
I got a witch i love to kiss
I got a witch I never wanna miss
I got a witch she's my best friend
I got a witch that will even stake a vamp
I got a witch that makes me laugh
I got a witch I'll make her laugh too
I got a witch she has wiccafriends
I got a witch I like her wiccafriends
Well I know, I need, I feel we're going higher and higher
Well I know, I need, I feel we're going higher and higher
I got a witch
And she's got a girl
--
Slaying Queen
You can slay, you can kill, until the end of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Slaying Queen
Friday night and you can't be slow
Looking out for the place they go
Where they play the right music, a little bit too camp
You come in to look for a vamp
Anybody could be that guy
Night is young and the stakes are high
With a bit of quick research, everything is fine
You're in the mood for a slay
And when you find your prey...
You are the Slaying Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Slaying Queen, this is how you vent your spleen
You can slay, you can kill, until the end of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Slaying Queen
You're a fighter, you beat them down
Leave them in pieces and then you patrol the town
Looking out for another, anyone will do
You're in the mood for a slay
And when you find your prey...
You are the Slaying Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Slaying Queen, this is how you vent your spleen
You can slay, you can kill, until the end of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Slaying Queen
--
9)
Willow's in her room with Tara
Picture a girl in a boat on a river,
with deep golden mines and enchanting shorelines.
Somebody exclaims, you answer quite slowly,
your mouth is full of her honey'd wines....
Cardigans floppy of yellow and green,
scattered around the room
Wait for the girl with the sun in her hair
and she's come!
(chorus) Willow's in her room with Tara,
Willow's in her room with Tara,
Willow's in her room with Tara, ah, ah!
Follow her down past a navel to the fountain,
where mail order golems protekt incarnadine dykes.
The girl smiles as you drift past the foliage,
that grows so incredibly high.
Invisible freckles appear on the shore,
waiting to take you away.
Roll on your back with your head in the clouds
and you're gone.
Ref.
Picture yourself in a desk, in a classroom,
with prattling professors with red leather ties.
Suddenly someone is there at the window,
the girl that tastes of her honey'd wine!
---
Not sold in stores!
------------------
--
revision_Johanna
[This message has been edited by revision_Johanna (edited April 06, 2001).]
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Warduke
Willowhand
Posts: 435
Registered: Nov 2000 posted April 06, 2001 17:20
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OMG, I just dl Butterfly and I was listening to it when I started reading what you wrote Johanna
I tell you, there’s a LOT of talented people on this board, some are a little deranged but still very talented
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WbBuffyfan00
Cool Monster Fighter
Posts: 251
Registered: Sep 2000 posted April 06, 2001 17:51
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OMG...you guys kill me! Now I'll have to come up with one myself...I used to love doing this stuff.
-Amy
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"You want to take a picture of my butt?...ummm...OK...You've got two seconds." -Amber
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wiltar4evr
Doll's eye crystal
Posts: 63
Registered: Mar 2001 posted April 06, 2001 18:19
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Wow! I even started to sing along with those lyrics.
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WTXenGab
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tommo
Big Pineapple
Posts: 779
Registered: Sep 2000 posted April 06, 2001 19:52
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Okay, now *that's* funny. And I used to love 99 Red Balloons as well....hairy armpits!
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"I like money better than people. People can so rarely be exchanged for goods and/or services."
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Roxton
Gay Now!
Posts: 1392
Registered: Sep 2000 posted April 06, 2001 20:09
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Nic, revision_Johanna those lyrics are awesome. Ruth it would appear that I'm not the only one that still has a copy of 99 Red Balloons.
[This message has been edited by Roxton (edited April 06, 2001).]
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revision_Johanna
Blessed Wannabe
Posts: 18
Registered: Mar 2001 posted April 06, 2001 20:54
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I have to say that while I am enamored of my own work on "99 redhead girls", I still find Nicole's "Tara got Ass" to be the truly defining work in the still nascent world of BuffyTVS/willtara filk.
I dug up a few more tracks off the ol' player....
1) The Real Slayer Lady
2) I got you, pet (The endless waltz Spike and Dru edition)
*warning! explicit lyrics follow *
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slayer lady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slayer lady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here
Y'all act like ya never seen a body switcher before
Jaws all on the floor like Joyce, when Faith just burst in the door
And started whooping her ass worse than before
she first was no remorse , throwin’ her over furniture (Ahh!)
It's the return of the..."Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
Faith just didn't say what I think she did, did she?"
And The Master said...
Nothing you idiots! The Master's dead, he's ground into powder!(Ha-ha!)
Feminist women love Willow/Tara
Slayer lady, fleeing the country to Guadalajara
Look at her, walking around shaking her you-know-what
Flipping the you-know-who, yeah, but she's so cute though
Yeah, Faith's probably got a couple of screws up in her head loose
But no worse than what's going on in Xander's parents' bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna watch the TV and just see some kiss, but can't
But it's cool for Tom Green to talk about his piss
My bum is on my hips, my bum is on my hips
And if you're lucky, you might just see it do a little twitch
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They saw "Where the Wild Things Are"
We ain't nothing but mammals
Well, some of us cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
But if we can hump demons and werewolves
Then there's no reason that a witch and another witch can't elope
But if you feel like I feel, I got the anecdote
Scoobys wave your panty-hoes, sing the chorus and it goes
Chorus:
I'm the Slayer lady, yes I'm the real Lady
All you other Slayer ladies are just imitating
So won't the real Slayer Lady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up
Cuz I'm the slayer Lady, yes I'm the real lady
All you other Slayer ladies are just imitating
So won't the real Slayer lady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up
(Joss Cameo)
Well, Buffy don't gotta cuss in her shows to make her point
Well I do so "Fuck her and fuck you too!"
You think I give a damn about a Emmy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me let alone stand me
"But Joss, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here
So you can sit me here next to Liz Friedman
Shit Ted Turner better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Aaron Spelling and Chris Carter
And hear them argue over which one of them is smarter
You little bitch, make me talk to Wanda
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Aly, hee-hee"
I should download her audio on MP3 and show the whole world
how you misquoted Whedon, me.
I'm sick of your little girl and boy shows
All you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me
Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
And just might be the next best thing but not quite me!
Chorus
Guess there's a Slayer lady in all of us
Fuck it, let's all stand up
--
I got you, Pet.
Dru: They say we're mad and we don't know
what makes the stars spin around so slow
Spike: Well I don't know if all that's true
'Cause you got me, and pet, I got you
Spike: Pet
Dru: I got you love
I got you love
Dru: They say our love is only torment
A new low of ineffable descent
Spike: I guess that's so, you bring in me
The best and worst that I can be
Spike: Dove
BOTH: I got you love
I got you love
Spike: I got kittens, for you to wring
I got girls, to tie up in string
Dru: And when I'm sad, you kill a clown
And if I get scared, you're always around
Dru: Don't let them say your hair's too white
'Cause the elephants will never ever bite
Spike: Then put your little hand in mine
and let our cruelty eternally refine
Spike: Pet
BOTH: I got you love
I got you love
Spike: I got you to hold the brand
Dru: I got you to maim the band
Spike: I got you to kill with me
Dru: I got you to drill with me
I got you to kiss goodnight
I got you to tie them tight
I got you, I won't let go
I got you to love me so
BOTH: I got you love
I got you love
I got you love
I got you love
I got you love
[This message has been edited by revision_Johanna (edited April 07, 2001).]
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TwiLightJoy
Doll's eye crystal
Posts: 91
Registered: Jan 2001 posted April 06, 2001 22:53
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Yaaaaay! A big WOO HOO! to you both for amusing us Kitties!
~Joy
(I had to listen to Safety Dance and sing along ....)
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Catwoman
Willowhand
Posts: 341
Registered: Jan 2001 posted April 07, 2001 00:24
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*I'm too skanky for this thread, too skanky for this thread, too skanky it huuuuuurrrrrrrrtttttts*
LOL! This is frickin' hilarious.
And it's crazy but i can totally picture Spike and Dru singing "I got you pet"! Dru is such a Cher!
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"And I happen to think mine is the level head and yours is the one things would roll off of."
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Wiccagrrl
Willowhand
Posts: 387
Registered: Sep 2000 posted April 07, 2001 00:33
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OMG, these are hilarious! Thanks for the laughs.
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Roxton
Gay Now!
Posts: 1392
Registered: Sep 2000 posted April 07, 2001 00:46
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Catwoman your not alone, for some strange reason I can also see Spike and Dru singing "I Got You Pet". They just seem so natural for the part.
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tommo
Big Pineapple
Posts: 779
Registered: Sep 2000 posted April 07, 2001 08:43
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I Got You Pet...sooo funny.
And is it just me, because I can see the physical similarities between Cher and Dru in that song...hee hee....
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"I like money better than people. People can so rarely be exchanged for goods and/or services."
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revision_Johanna
Blessed Wannabe
Posts: 18
Registered: Mar 2001 posted April 07, 2001 18:49
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Somebody stop me!
I just can't seem to stop... I'm being controlled by alien forces!
"Spike"
Spike
Who's the blonde ex Big Bad
that's no longer a danger to the Scoobies?
(Spike!)
You're damn right
Who is the vamp
that would break the neck of any other man?
(Spike!)
Can ya dig it?
Who's the cat that won't cop out
when there's danger all about
(Spike!)
Right on
You see this cat Spike is a bad mother--
(Shut your mouth)
But I'm talkin' about Spike
(Then we can dig it)
He's a complicated vamp
but no one understands him but his madwoman
(William the Bloody)
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--
revision_Johanna