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Hello there Kittens! I know I've been away for a while but now I'm back and I'll try to update my fics soon. This story is just something that was running through my head for a while. And you know how it is  Just a sweet but gotta-work-through-some-angst-first story about two girls who just fell in love  yeah... that one again  Feedback please  Part 1: ImprisonedDearest Ash,
Darkness swallowed me. I was desperately searching for slightest sign of light. Nothing. Why is this happening to me? Ok, there are so many people in this world whose life is much worse then mine... why can't this help me feel better? Why do I cry so easily?
I guess other people's lives are other people's lives... my life is just mine... I can't feel someone else's life! Just mine. Maybe it's selfish but if I'm going to think about other people all the time I'm gonna turn into a fucking saint! And saint I ain't. And there are so many people whose life is soooo much better then mine. Why not dream of the stars? Or we can just sit in the mud for the rest of our lives and whine about how our lives suck...
My bare feet are in the mud, and cold got to my soul and bones, I almost can't feel it anymore. I guess I gained more then I lost... Sometimes I thank the darkness... if there was only a little bit of light I would see how dirty I am. That my clothes turned into rags and my hair looks like birds' nest. Without light I can still dream.
They give me food regularly, but never what I want to eat, or enough of it. They're shoving me with tasteless and plain in fear that if they give me something more, I'll somehow manage to break this chains around my feet and hands.
I'm not much of a memory person. Pictures fade easily from my head. There are no pictures in my head now Ash. Well... I can still remember the colour of the Sky in early dusk... it is the colour of your eyes and how could I forget that... ever. And I know how stars look like once they start lighting the sky... I remember that look from your eyes when you were blowing out your birthday candles last year. I can feel the sea mist on my face... just like your breath in the cold winter mornings when we were sitting on the porch...
Hand reached for the eye and rubbed it lightly. She repeated the move couple of times before setting the hand on the table. She was tired and her heart was aching. The last words she wrote on the paper brought back too many memories of a time long past. Grabbing a lock of thick red hair she played with it for a second, afraid to keep on writing. Somehow her quill always seemed to be three steps ahead of her, writing things she didn't know she wanted to write. Looking at the green ink she wondered if she should continue at all, and would she have enough courage to mail this even if she did finish it.
She could almost hear familiar voice in her ear. Funny, it was Ash who told her that a long time ago when they were still kids. So maybe she wasn't writing this for Ash... maybe she was writing it for herself. She had to know how and why did it all happen. With newfound determination she lowered her eyes back to the paper and reread the last sentence.
They put me in chains Black one, they put me in chains and threw me in dungeon locking me away from the world. Somehow you knew all along, didn't you? You knew this was going to happen and you decided that this was my fight not yours. Knowing you the decision not to interfear was not an easy one. You were always the one looking out for all of your friends and especially for me. But you did it. You knew this was my war and you stepped back letting me fight it alone. It was not you who messed up and I'm so sorry for saying it. I messed up. Big time. Ah... didn't you say once that no matter how much you screw up you can always fix it if you have determination, faith, will and never step back? Well, I'm ready now to start fixing this shit. And I just wanted you to know it. Maybe I messed things up far more then they were messed up at the beginning, but all of this was not for nothing. Now I know something I never knew before. Now I know I'm in love with you. Hell, I'm long past in love thing... I love you and I'm dying for you...
I'm gonna break this chains and then I'm gonna take you away to our inner world only you and I can find.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, fade to black...
Kiara.
Smiling from ear to ear Kiara folded the letter and leaned back into her chair.
"And that's it ladies and gentleman. That's it."
* * *
"Are you serious?" two brown eyes almost popped out of blonde's head. "You got tickets for Nightwish concert?"
Black haired girl looking pretty pleased with herself just continued walking. Blonde stayed behind.
"Ash?! Talk to me woman! How did you get the tickets?"
For a moment it seemed as if black haired girl wasn't going to stop, but then she suddenly turned towards the blonde and smiled.
"Remember our best professor?" she asked looking directly into brown eyes.
For a moment blonde looked confused but then she just shrugged and answered "Somehow I remember Sparrow. Why did you bring him up now?"
Sparrow whose real name was Jean Delacroix was not only their best professor but also favourite. Both girls took great delight in his classes about forensic psychology in their junior year.
If it was possible Ash smiled even more.
"Well we had this bet... and I won."
Blonde looked intrigued "What kind of bet?"
"Psychological." one word came to her ears as Ash continued her walk down the campus. "I got the tickets right? Come on Eliza. I have class in an hour and I really want to have something to eat."
Eliza shook her head and joined her friend "Don't tell me you out profiled him?" When Ash didn't answer Eliza giggled "See, that's your problem my dear... you always have to out do your teachers."
Ash opened the door of the cafeteria and let Eliza go inside first.
"Always the charmer Ash."
"Always the charmed one Eliza."
For a moment girls pushed through the crowd in silence and grabbed something to eat. They only spoked again once they were at the table.
"You know Ash I'm still not used to you eating in cafeteria instead of munching something under that big old oak tree."
Ash stopped eating for a moment and cast annoyed look at her friend.
"You know Eliza for someone whose senior project was making my psychological profile you sure know little about me if you think I'm gonna fall for that question."
Looking not at all surprised by Ash's answer Eliza continued.
"I'm not expecting you to fall for that question. I just think that this Nightwish concert is something she would really really like..."
Blue eyes looked up towards nothing and for a second, just for a second Eliza saw something unusual in them. Thousands emotions usually so well hidden.
And then she smiled her special smile.
"Don't I know it."
* * *
"Miss McNamara?" Ash froze in her track and abruptly turned around. Middle aged woman was smiling at her but for some reason black haired girl looked like dear caught in headlights.
"Hi Professor Cornwell...."
Professor Cornwell was dressed in jeans and black T-shirt. Her hair was pulled up and paintbrush was tucked behind her ear. Spots of paint all over her clothing spoke of her recent activity. Somehow even in her current state Professor seemed beautiful.
"Come. There is something you have to see."
Ash knew better then to object. Professor Cornwell took her hand and pulled her towards the art studio. For a second Ash thought about what other professors and students would say to this. Then she just didn't care. Before they entered the studio she pulled back asking never spoken question.
"She's not inside Ash... she comes only at night when no one's around. Somehow your love for crowd caught her too."
They entered art studio and Ash automatically smiled at the smell of paint and sight of drawings, paintings and reproductions. She missed this world. A lot. Not knowing anything about this little adventure she let her mind roll over Professor's words. Ash really hated crowds. They were too much for her. But Kiara... Kiara loved people. The more the merrier... she often said. It was driving Ash insane but somehow Kiara was just what she needed.
"Look..." voice brought her out of her daydreaming and she looked at the painting in front of her. There was a moment afterwards when Ash really noticed how well done painting really was. How shades were made in perfect colour, how contrast was exactly as it should be, how vivid and live painting really was. But for the first moment all Ash could do was to stop breathing. So she did. And she would probably never breath again if it weren't for Professor who shook her gently.
"That is one of the best paintings ever done in this school."
Stepping forward Ash let one tear roll down her cheek. Painting was so full of pain, regret and love it almost killed her. Being well versed in psychology and knowing Kiara with all her heart made everything even more powerful. All Ash wanted was to reach out and touch the painting. Smooth away it's pain as if she could smooth away Kiara's pain. But at the last moment she pulled back. This was Kiara's battle and it was not meant for Ash to meddle.
She wanted to leave when something caught her eye. Familiar handwriting, familiar ink, familiar paper. And her name on top of it. Ash didn't even think. She just grabbed the papers and stormed out of the studio. Today she would sit under the old oak tree in the park. And she would read Kiara's letter there.
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Kiara was trying hard to concentrate on Art History. Professor was talking about gothic churches and as hard as she tried to take notes her thoughts were impossible to control. Finally she gave up and her pencil with a mind of its own started to pull light lines on the paper.
She thought about Ash. Somehow she knew Ash had found her letter. It was stupid of her to leave it behind in the art studio. At least now cat was out of the bag.
"What's wrong with you?" a low whisper brought her back to classroom. Molly Mandrake was short girl with freckles all over her face and straight red hair. Her gray eyes were open and sincere. She was cheerful and full of life. That's probably why Kiara befriended her.
"Huh?"
Molly was looking at her amused "Sometimes I wonder if you actually live on this planet at all." She cast one look on Kiara's notebook and sighted "You know for a goth you don't look interested enough in this lecture."
Following her gaze Kiara looked at the paper in front of her and smiled. "Don't know about last one M. This is gothic cathedral."
Molly rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile at the drawing. Kiara still amazed her. When Kiara first transfered to Azure College and Molly's room on campus girls hated each other. For no better reason than that they were just in each other's way all the time. But somehow in one year they turned from enemies to best friends. Unlike Kiara, who was a student of Fine Arts, Molly studied Art History. To their delight Fine Arts and Art History had many classes together. Most of the people couldn't see why they liked each other so much. Molly was a Sun. She was a sk8er always in baggy clothes listening mostly to Linkin Park. Whenever she walked (or skated) into a room people would smile. But to most of them she was nice only in small doses.
On the other hand Kiara was a goth. Always in black and almost always wearing skirts or dresses. Her feet only knew Doctor Martens and Getta Grip boots and her ears loved Nightwish, The Gathering and other gothic bands. She talked only if she had to or if she was inspired. Most of the time she hummed something to herself.
She didn't have to find a soulmate in so much different Molly cause soon she met Ash.
And Ash was everything she had ever wanted in a friend. Sneaking around campus after 11 PM was forbidden. Kiara didn't really care. After all she never wanted to come to some european private college for rich brats with empty heads. Like she could actually meet someone interesting here. That first night when she sneaked out of her room to take a stroll through the forest that surrounded most of the campus she did not only meet someone interesting... she met a worthy opponent.
Wind was blowing through the branches and to Kiara they were singing the most beautiful song she ever heard. Forest was beautiful, she had to admit that. Maybe this whole trip was worth it just cause she had four years to roam through this forest. she smiled at her own thoughts. There was something here, waiting for her and that something had nothing to do with college and this forest. But that something would make her paint this forest for the rest of her life. Out of nowhere something popped from the tree in front of her. At first she gave a surprised yell but something made her stay even though she wanted to run away. Something was actually a human being. A girl actually about her age. She was probably sitting on a branch when she noticed Kiara walking towards her. That's when she let her body fall through the air and let it hang over the branch with her legs holding on. Wind played with her wavy dark hair and her eyes were looknig straight in to Kiara's. Kiara knew they were blue.
"Hello there" strange hanging girl said. There was so much warmth in her voice that Kiara shivered.
"Hi..." she scowled at herself. Is that the best she could say? "How's it hangin' ?"
Girl giggled and pulled herself up just to jump of the branch in the next moment.
"Guess you're Kiara." Now that they were standing next to each other Kiara noted that she was slightly shorter than the Black one. Girl in front of her was all in black. Her long dress was dancing in the wind along with her long hair Kiara could bet was dark. Her skin was fair and her lips were so full Kiara wanted to lean in and kiss her. Then she realized girl knew her name.
"Hey! You know my name!" "Wanna tell me your name?"
There was something... playful... maybe even wicked in dark eyes "Gotta earn that information."
She liked her. When she first saw her she knew this girl was going to be something special. But once girl said that sentence something in Kiara clicked and she knew they were going to get a long just fine. Just fine.
"How does a girl earn that kind of information?" she asked just as playful.
For a moment girl feigned thinking " Tell me," she said after half a dozen faces that made Kiara laugh so hard she had to sit in the soft but high grass " why do you paint?"
Kiara looked at her from below and bit her lip. Could this girl understand her? "Because I have to. It's something bigger than me. I didn't wake up one day and said 'I could paint today'... I just woke up and HAD to pain."
"Good answer."
"Good question."
Girl sat next to her in the grass and smiled "Tell me... if you were describing yourself to me... what would you say?"
That was a tough question. "Can I do it in third person?"
Girl just nodded.
"I would tell you she is intelligent. Creative. She grew up to fast. Unstable. Can't express her feelings in right time or in a right way. If she could, she would travel the world for the rest of her life and spend couple of years in every place but she's aware of the fact that it would be emotionally hard. She lives in her own world. Her inner world..."
Kiara's voice trailed of. She knew the look in girl's eyes. Maybe she didn't know her name but she knew this girl understands her inner world and probably lives in an inner world of her own. And she wanted to kiss her. Again. So she did it. She leaned forward not thinking about anything else but how this girl understood her. When their lips met there was no fireworks or butterflies. Ok, maybe there was couple of butterflies but most of all it was like finally putting last pice of jigsaw in place. Content. Peaceful. Deep. Meaningful. When they pulled apart girl licked her lips and smiled slightly.
"Ashen Keira McNamara" she said " but everyone call me Ash."
"Kiara Emmanuela Scaleta" Kiara smiled back " Kiara's not actually my name. Just a childhood nick name that stuck with me for all these years."
"Kiara?" When Kiara actually heard Molly other girl was calling out her name for last ten minutes. Something was up with Kiara today and Molly was on a mission to find out. "Alive?"
"Barely." a low whisper came to Molly's ear " I'm just thinking about something."
"Or someone."
When Kiara turned her head to meet Molly's gaze there was something daring in them. Right now Kiara just couldn't deal with inquisition, no matter how much she loved Molly. Noting that class was over she stormed out of the classroom and ran to the auditorium. Whenever she needed to think she would come to the auditorium and play piano. One of the first things she and Ash discovered they had in common. When she entered the room her feet just stopped moving and her heart missed a beat. Because behind the piano black haired girl that was haunting her thoughts whole day was playing something that sounded like Bach.
Kiara's heart broke and then blue eyes left piano and found green ones.
"Ash."
"Kiara."
TBC
All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream.
E. A. Poe
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