First of all, thanks to: Shirrey, genuinemoldedplastic, Will's Redemption, taranwillow4ever for replying to my neutoric self, about the demon stuff. With your replies I was able to decide on a method that I can be happy with.
Now, the feedback about the date:
taranwillow4ever wrote:
Lesbians eating sushi. It was one of my first dates too. I think it kind of is a litmus test. I was naïve when I took my ex partner, she said she'd never eaten sushi, so I offered to take her out to get some. Remembered that it is definitely a sensual experience. SIGH
I didn't eat sushi until well into my late twenties - I'd been out for a while by then. The sensuality of the experience wasn't lost on neither myself or my girlfriend at the time... either. Seems a common thing, should make it a stereotype like the U-Haul
shirrey wrote:
I don't even know what to say. That was so sweet and sexy and sensual and adorable! I am glad to see Tara's hope for finding a cure and that even if she can't that it may not spell the end for her and Willow. Even if she feels she might need a Slayer to restrain her.
They're a triple threat, those two: Sweet, sensual and cute as heck... pretty much amounts to Sexy with a capital 'S'. Tara is struggling with understanding herself now she's away from home. It's only been a little over a year and a half her mom died, she left shortly after with her brain full of gunk. Lies were truth, truth never definitive... always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
shirrey wrote:
I would like to think Willow feels different about dating Tara, because she is dating Tara, because what they have is different and special than what she has ever experienced. I feel pretty good about this theory
This is a good theory, one to which I'm sure Willow will come to on her own as well. She just needs more data to compare.
genuinemoldedplastic wrote:
Here's the thing,
I've been stalking these boards/WT fanfic for the past few months ever since I finished my annual Buffy re-watch and rekindled my love for these two. I'd never really managed to get into fic for some reason but this time it's changed. The kind of fic I can dip into the most is the in-universe stuff, and I can't recall how many different versions of W/T S4 'behind the scenes canon' I have read. It's kinda cool how many different interpretations there are of how their relationship blossoms.
Anyway I had read some of your older fic, CopperAndGold, and really enjoyed your writing. It was therefore a very pleasant shock when I discovered this board was 1) still active 2) you had chosen to start a S4-based fic. Knowing that I enjoy your writing already, for it to be based around this era of time is simply a delight!
Ok, uh... flattered. Blushing... ok, done. Thank you...
I'm so happy you like my writing and that you get into it! I don't know how far back you went, but my old stuff pre-Erynn... yikes.
I can't re-read them now, I feel embarrassed... I hope I've improved, I think I did which is now a bubble I beg you not to burst.
genuinemoldedplastic wrote:
We all know that Tara is very perceptive, and although there is an internal conflict with what she was brought up to believe, I think she can sense deep down that there is no evil in her.
I wanted to bring this up because you're right, if we go by the show and only the show - it's hard to think Tara would believe she has evil inside her. But, my cannon fleshes out her past a bit more in 'When Erynn Found Herself' depicting something in her past that reinforced what her family had her believe. I think, this next update might clarify a little... but since it's not time for this type of conversation between the girls, it's only hinted at here.
Will's redemption wrote:
What a wonderful first date!
I'm proud of Tara for choosing the form-fitting jeans and against "hiding" from Willow by wearing her hair up.
At the start of the restaurant-scene I was thinking: Yummy, I have to eat some sushi soon - then you started with the sexiness and the flirting...
I'm proud of Tara, too.
Comfort zones be damned.
Will's redemption wrote:
And than the kissage, wow! I'm glad they stopped before the "point of no return", though. Tara was right, they shouldn't rush this. I guess since they already came to this stage of their relationship we won't get to see the "wobbly-chair"-scene Willow mentioned in "When Erynn found herself", will we?
Oh, uh... unfortunately, no.
It was a horrible oversight... I meant to, I really did.
Will's redemption wrote:
Hopefully we will witness the babble Tara wished she could have recorded after Faith appears, though…
That's a promise!
Will's redemption wrote:
But why did he invent that 20th-birthday deadline in the first place?
Ahhh, this is the crux of it really. Lilian, Tara's mom was dying... keep reading.
I think that's all of them? Not sure, my mouse has scrolling issues right now. If I missed anyone, kick me in the shin!
Onto the next update!
Paradigms and Kisses
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Author name – CopperAndGold
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Rating – Soft-R for kissing action and bewbs.
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Feedback –
Always look forward to your feedback! I love checking the board to find them
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Summary – Between the episodes ‘Goodbye Iowa’ and ‘This years girl’. Hangouts and Makeouts.
The room’s lighting was wrong, not unpleasantly so – just, wrong. Too dark? When she looked ahead, she realized it was Tara’s room. The blonde witch in question stood at the window, the curtains thrown wide – moonlight highlighting her silhouette casting her head in a golden halo.
Her hair pulled back, the low collared white blouse, the necklace resting just above the center of a hidden cleavage, the fitting jeans… Willow took a step forward, feeling like her feet were weighed down. Tara smiled invitingly, a little tilt of her head. The sensations from her date’s kiss rushed through her lithe frame, wanting nothing more than to relive it.
The blonde reached up a hand, her eyes heavy and cheeks pink. She was in her arms in the blink of blue eyes, Willow’s mouth at her neck hungrily kissing and nibbling the smooth skin there. Something pulsed around them, Tara’s breathing in erratic synch with it.
Everything was hazy, feelings became indiscriminate. Vague and unfocused, details lost – touches were gropes, handfuls of flesh. Sounds distorted, smells just slightly off… she felt fingers much like her own but, colder and definitely misplaced.
Startled, she jumped back a step and saw the beautiful witch with her head thrown back against a leather covered shoulder. Arms were gripping her, holding her up. Lipstick; dark red marks at her neck - Tara’s incoherent keening the redhead didn’t recognize, had never heard before.
Willow saw herself holding Tara up, but it wasn’t her was it? “Wanna be bad?” The vampire smirked, tilting her head towards her prey and raising inviting eyebrows.
“Don’t.” Willow almost took another step back, her tone of voice menacing, “Get away from her.” She said through gritted teeth.
Vampire-Willow pouted, “Don’t wanna.” She replied petulantly, running a finger down Tara’s neck. “Smells pretty.”
“Yeah,” The redhead tried to reason with the fiend, “Ok, yeah I get that. I like her too, in fact I was just…” She grew angrier at her doppelganger’s actions while completely ignoring her.
Her finger had crept lower, down the center of the blonde’s neck and chest. It pulled at the top’s collar granting herself a naughty peek. Her widened eyes darted toward Willow, obviously pleased with what she saw, her tongue pressing against her bottom lip lasciviously.
Willow shouted, “Hey! Stop that, you pervert!” Shaking her head and pointing accusingly. How was she here? She was ruining everything! “I was here first, you know.” She ended lamely, “It’s me she wants.”
The vampire chuckled derisively, even Tara seemed to smile at that. “I
am you, doofus.” Her hand reached up and took hold of a full breast, the blonde’s sharp intake of breath and the subsequent deep kiss caused Willow to be confused and conflicted. Her hands, her lips felt… she raised her fingers to see.
They felt as if she were kissing and touching Tara.
“Stop it.” Willow whined impotently, the sensations running through her completely incongruous with her emotions. She looked down at her hands, smooth and supple skin moved against her palms making her mouth water but her hands were empty. “Sto-Stop…” Her voice grew weak, fingertips damp, vision hazy she could only see fuzzy blobs moving in moonlight, low feral growls and soft moans.
“No, don’t...” It was Tara’s pleading whispers, “Please, don’t stop.” Willow both hated and loved the desperation in that voice, couldn’t help but feel like it was partly directed at her.
“Tara,” The redhead begged, “She’s gonna ruin everything!” The rattle of metal to her right almost got her attention. She blinked furiously, trying to focus on what the vampire was doing. A pressure between her legs making her legs shake. “She’s not me.” Willow could only mumble, her center having turned liquid, feet now stuck to the floor.
Another loud rattle, this time she recognized it. The high-school library book cage being rammed by a werewolf, “Oz?” Ok, this was seriously messed up now. She turned to see the library and the cage, Oz wolfed-out facing away and looking down at something, saliva dripping from his fangs.
Her hands trembled, felt like she’d stuck a finger into a wet, scorching velvet electrical socket. Something caught her eye, on the ground in front of the wolf. Vision clearing for the time it took to recognize strands of copper-red hair. A sudden and explosive blur of dark fur as Oz lunged forward roaring loudly.
With a start, Willow shot straight up in bed panting. Heart racing, she wiped at her forehead and tried to straighten her pajama top. “B-bad,” Shaking her head furiously, she blinked a few times trying to dispel her dream. Whether nightmare or wet-dream, the matter was still being debated by her mind and body. “Bad dream.” She croaked tightly, looking toward Buffy’s bed expecting her roommate to have been woken up by her thrashing.
But the Slayer, after a long night of patrolling for Adam, was still sound asleep.
Willow fell back and let out a deep, calming breath.
What the heck? She grumbled mentally. Her dreams were often vivid and odd, but rarely ominous. No Slayer dreams for this witch, and she hadn’t dreamt of her doppelganger in ages.
She’d gone to bed expecting wonderful dreams after the evening she’d had with Tara. This definitely was not what she’d signed up for. If Willow wouldn’t have been so frustrated, she’d have wanted to analyze whatever that had been. But, as it was – she was slightly uncomfortable in her pj’s, and wide awake thinking of Tara.
Best date, ever. She smirked to herself proudly.
Everything had felt different with Tara. From the moment of meeting, every action had been instinctual. It wasn’t the attention the witch had given her that had spurred Willow to action, it had been of her own volition. Tara had her attention from the start – it’d been herself reaching for something, someone she’d wanted.
She’d reacted to Oz, but had
acted for Tara.
Such a small… big difference. Willow had returned Oz’ affections for all the things he’d checked off an itemized list of pre-requisites, as well as a few wishful items like him being cute and popular. One could dream, and this young redhead had – then there came Oz, jumping in front of a bullet for her.
Not only did he fit perfectly, but he cared a lot and they both grew to love each-other deeply. Every milestone in their relationship had felt like a logical, next step. Everything easily foreseen because of having witnessed these types of relationships before, had longed for one herself. At times she’d found herself disappointed. Thinking it seemed like it should have been more passionate, somehow.
But, this experience with Tara was completely different. It was exciting but frightening as well - she had no idea what she was doing. What should happen? How fast, what could and couldn’t she do?
She felt like she’d jumped into the deep end without knowing how to swim.
Wait… what are the bases, now?Xander had told her about the bases growing up. First base, second base… the progression of make-out sessions. They’d made her blush and squirm innocently, then they’d come in handy with Oz.
But now things seemed vague.
She was obviously no expert, but second and fourth base seemed to overlap in this particular case.
Never mind that, what the heck is a homerun now? Her nose crinkled up, she’d confused herself again.
It was way too early for this.
***
It’d started out by just being Evil. Witchcraft was its science and magic its tool. Tara had been born full of evil potential and her father made sure she knew it on that day.
She was seven when she’d discovered by accident that her reach wasn’t as short as she’d thought. Tara had dropped her crayon, it’d rolled under her bed. Trying to reach it physically had failed, but in her struggle perception had shifted away and back when she got stuck momentarily and panicked. She hadn’t understood what had happened, but the crayon had been propelled across the floor.
When she’d finally squirmed out from halfway under the bed, her brother had been standing in the doorway – shocked. He’d called for his father then, saying how Tara was like their mom. How she’d attacked him with flying crayons.
The law of the house was laid down for her that day. Tara started getting lessons about control from her mother. Her father changed with her, became stricter. For having frightened her brother, he’d been allowed to carry out her punishment. Donny got away with a lot after that, he’d only had to threaten his sister to get his way.
Tara had to learn house chores from her mother who’d been loving and a delight to spend time with.
At seven, she’d learned to wash dishes, set the table and help with clothes. Idle hands weren’t allowed for those whose hands could wield power. That power would serve virtuous purposes in the Maclay household.
Her mother had long since accepted her burden but sometimes resented punishments when they came. Her transgressions had all seemed so harmless… a little spell to save the meatloaf from burning. Raising her voice when she got irritated, demanding answers when things didn’t add up. She’d been a spirited woman, but guilt had kept her on the right path for the most part. Discipline, for the rest.
Aaron knew the last thing Lilian had wanted was to end up like her mother. From what little Tara had heard, that woman had been… mean. A mean witch was a dangerous witch, her mother had concluded cryptically.
The years went by and the words 'Evil' and 'Demon' became interchangeable as her source of magic. The older Tara got the more details she’d glean about it in passing as Aaron, her father, had started calling it that when detailing its insidious temptations. Her failures at resisting them, bad behavior that needed correcting.
When the transgression was too big for a simple talking to, Donny would often be the one meting out the punishment. He knew Aaron didn’t enjoy it and would offer to relieve him of the chore as the eldest (and only) son.
To this day, Tara didn’t know if her father had any idea how bad Donny really was. Or, whether he did and let him do it, anyway.
Her brother reveled in describing the monster to her in detail, made it a physical thing for her to visualize while she got punished.
You don’t know, sis. He’d seen their mother change one day before being brought to the basement, he’d said. Donny had described what he’d supposedly seen. A picture of horns, talons and scales had been painted without so much as a word from her parents.
Tara had been young enough for the image to sear into her brain, forever branding herself a demon with every hit of the belt or fist. With every lie, every bad thought – being envious, prideful or greedy – eventually, she didn’t need her father or brother to keep herself in line.
Her mother’s cancer had been diagnosed terminal when her father told Tara about the twenty-year-old deadline, almost ten years to the day after telling her she had Evil inside.
You’ll want to give in more than ever if you leave. He’d said.
At that age… It’ll come out, you’ll need us. You can’t leave here.But, there was no way she was going back. She was starting to think Evil and Demon got mixed up, parts made sense to her and others didn’t. But, she had so little light to shine on it all… she couldn’t make out the truth. So, she had to try and fight it – whatever it was, her mother had accepted it. Tara wouldn’t.
If her demon wasn’t a demon and her family was just weird, each in their own way… Her father was controlling and hated witchcraft, her brother cruel and her mother deeply conflicted. At the very least, she figured being away from it all was a good thing.
She put her Tarot cards away, having been setting them up and down again while sitting on her bed – thinking. She had every reason in the world not to go back, now. Magic was supposed to be evil, from her demon. With Willow though, it felt nothing like evil. Nothing she did with the redhead felt evil, other than her sabotaging the locator spell. She’d done it out of fear. Willow fought evil pretty much every day.
Her father had made magic a trigger for her fears, and here was Willow dismantling it by shining light.
Last night’s date and the resulting spine-melting kissing… Tara never wanted to disregard the whole demon thing more than she did now. But, the lust she’d felt already in Willow’s presence, like she’d never felt before – the temptation to give in to something that overpowering… it was everything her parents had warned her about.
She hadn’t told Willow just how bad things had gotten in the end, with Rachel. Losing control again was a deeply worrying thought, even if she really did doubt she would ever hurt the redhead. Demon or not, there was evil in her. The magic might not come from it, or the demon – but she’d seen it. Had let it out before – oh, she believed.
Tara had been lost in thought since receiving a call from said redhead over an hour ago. She would be on her way by now, with a surprise. Tara busied herself straightening the room up before making sure her hair wasn’t a mess and that she was happy enough with how she looked.
For now she wouldn’t think about the demon. Tara would be self-aware and in control, but for the sake of being a good person… not out of fear. At least, that was the plan. Her paradigms kept changing.
***
Willow kicked the bottom of the door lightly, announcing her arrival. Her arms were full at the moment, “Hey,” She said slightly winded when the door opened.
“Hey Will-oh! Um…” Tara pulled the door open completely to give the redhead room to pass, “A television?” She asked her excited looking friend.
Willow stepped in quickly with the small box in her arms, and a backpack on her back. “Yeah!” She responded excitedly, “I thought we could watch something if you want.” Looking around the room, she quickly asked. “Where should I put it?” She winced, “My arms are falling off.”
Tara hastily cleared a space on the desk, “Here.” She offered, wondering what they would watch. Whatever it was, she was sure to enjoy spending time with Willow. When the television was put down, Tara stepped behind the redhead and pulled the backpack off her shoulders. “This is heavy.” She observed before kissing a soft, freckled cheek and dropping the bag on the bed.
Her stomach fluttered at Tara’s kiss. Willow exhaled loudly with relief, “Aahhh, thanks.” She rotated her shoulders and stretched her back, pointing at the bag. “There’s a VCR in there with some tapes.” When the blonde turned to look after handing off the VCR, she busied herself with setting everything up.
Tara sat on the edge of the mattress, peeked into the bag knowing she wouldn’t recognize much. Deciding to leave it up to the redhead to introduce her, she instead focused on watching the setup process.
Willow had on a pair of dark pants that were nicely pulled across her bum, bent over the desk to connect the electronics together. She remembered the feel of that butt in her hands, how firm and yielding it had been as the girl had moved against her.
Is that thing set up yet? She thought, fidgeting in place uncomfortably.
“Ok, All done.” Came the chipper announcement, “What’d’ya choose?” Willow asked excitedly, opening her arms indicating the small television. Tara’s sideways glance at the bag and shrug was explanation enough. “Want me to show you?”
“Hm-mm,” The blonde nodded enthusiastically. Her smile reaching her eyes making them seem to sparkle. Tara patted the mattress and scooted further onto the bed. “I don’t know any of these, I’m s-sure.”
The mattress dipped a little under Willow’s weight as she joined her, “Those can wait, first...” She said airily, straightening her arm to lean towards her crush, “How ‘bout a kiss?” The redhead fluttered her lashes comically and pursed her lips which had the desired effect, a Tara-giggle and a soft, tender kiss.
“Mmm.” Her arm started to tremble as the kiss went on, leaning all her weight onto it as she was. Weak from having carried the t.v. all this way, it hadn’t taken much for it to protest.
It’d been a good kiss, but not good enough to miss the shaking. “You ok?” The blonde asked sweetly. “Your arms are sore.” Reaching for the appendage in question, she took hold of the lean bicep and massaged gently. The warmth of Willow’s skin permeating the fabric of her shirt, she made her movements slow and deliberate, savoring every touch.
Tingles of relief raced up her arm and down her spine. “Mmm,” Willow’s eyes grew heavy, the massage felt so nice. “You’re good at that.” She twisted her hips, turning towards Tara inconspicuously making sure her other arm was accessible. But, judging by the blonde’s grin and raised eyebrow, she’d been found out. “Not my fault, it’s jealous.”
“Hm-mm,” Came the short reply, the smile never leaving Tara’s face. “So, what did you bring?” How in the world could she resist this girl’s charms? Why would she ever want to?
Willow explained the different movies and shows she’d brought, categorically grouping them by genre. Looking back at the blonde expectantly, she asked. “What are you in the mood for?”
The question had been asked innocently enough, but Tara’s cheeks tinged pink nonetheless as she reached for the other arm. “Something…” Her eyes shot up in thought before saying, “Cuddly.” With a sweet grin that made Willow’s belly flop. “That’s not a genre category.” She countered wittily.
The blonde had her own retort, though. “And, I’m not a koala.” She looked proud, her smile growing wider. “Still cuddly.”
***
She couldn’t be more pleased with her choice. As soon as the movie had started, Tara had been intent on the television, in rapt attention. Willow was leaning against the headboard, the blonde had started off by her side but – throughout the film they’d shifted around.
Tara watched ‘A Bugs Life’, her head resting on Willow’s thigh while the redhead watched the play of emotions come to life on the blonde’s beautiful face. Running fingers through soft hair, feeling her heart tug every time Tara laughed.
She’d given herself this time to really enjoy looking at her crush. Willow had seen this shirt before, it was a simple white cotton shirt with a design on the front, but Tara filled it so alluringly. Laying partly on her side, the evocative sight of her breasts’ movements as she laughed – could desire be funny? A jiggle that seemed to beckon grabby hands and watering mouths. ‘Hi!’ They wobbled, Tara’s laughter the music her breasts danced to. And, a nose had never been so perfectly shaped, really. Had she ever even noticed someone’s nose, before? Willow was in heaven, all these complex emotions were new to her and only fueled her anticipation at discovering more.
At a particularly worrisome moment in the film, she’d been unable to resist smoothing out the crease between anxious blue eyes with a finger. Tara had turned towards her - with an embarrassed grin and rosy cheeks, she’d reached out.
The kissing started sometime around then, things were a little hazy now. But, there was definitely skin under her fingers. Smooth, soft and warm – Tara weighed her down, anchoring her to the mattress with her exquisitely yielding warmth. Legs entwined, hands roaming tentatively along sides.
Willow clutched at the skin, Tara’s waist was so smooth, their kiss deepening. The sweet sounds she made just spurred the redhead on, everything was hot – the room, the air, the space between them, the mattress, Tara’s skin, her skin – the redhead wanted to roll over, be on top – press her down, just... She wanted to move. Her hands… her whole body just wanted to wriggle and press into Tara.
“Mmn,” Her lips pulled away with a quiet pop, “Ok, whew,” She said, turning her head slightly.
Need a… something… She shifted a bit and her eyes shot wide at the feeling between her legs.
I’m… I’m soaking wet! The blonde was too busy to notice her blush of embarrassment, thank the universe.
For Tara’s part, things were much… much the same. The seam of the pants she wore easily discernable, pressed against Willow’s leg as she was. She hadn’t heard the sigh, only noticed the movement – lost to sensation, her lips had travelled down the front of a thudding throat. Tara left the spot thoroughly tongued and kissed, fingers grasping at a wriggling hip. At least it had been wriggling… “Ok?” She half-mumbled and whispered against the skin bellow Willow’s ear.
“Hm?” Goosebumps, her skin had exploded when Tara’s hot breath hit her ear, “Oh yeah… just…” Her hips dug into the mattress, trying to push the ache away. “Wow, you know?” Her labored breathing, bright eyes and mussed up hair painted a lightly debouched portrait. Blowing air at her forehead did nothing to clear it of sticking strands of hair.
Tara giggled, leaning her forehead against Willow’s collarbone. Of course she knew, “I know,” Couldn’t resist a little kiss there, “Are you hungry?” The question made the earth shake, her head now hopping along with the redhead’s laughter.
***