CHAPTER RATING: NC-17
NOTE: Please note that ole ^ rating change
Chapter 27
Sydney
(Part 1)
I Was A Fool To Ever Leave Your Side
Me Minus You Is Such A Lonely Ride
Willow’s fingers moved around the trackpad on her laptop, following nothing in particular on screen.
She lay sideways on her bed, pressing refresh on webpages she wasn’t reading just to have something to occupy herself. Having a private room again actually felt weird after the last few weeks of sharing. Everything was so quiet.
A knock at the door disturbed the silence and Willow jumped. She slid off the bed and approached the door cautiously.
Tara hadn’t been in touch with her since that phone call and Willow had no idea when she planned to arrive.
Willow had already been faked out once by a maintenance man coming to fix the curtain rod. The poor guy had no idea why a surly teenager was sitting on the bed throwing daggers at him the entire time he was there.
Her hand closed around the doorknob and she felt butterflies start to flutter in her belly. She slowly turned it and opened the door.
Despite wishing and hoping and even anticipating it to be Tara on the other side, she still gasped when she saw it was really her.
Tara held the strap on her backpack over her shoulder and smiled softly. She waited for a moment and when Willow remained frozen, she shrugged one shoulder softly to distribute the weight of her backpack.
“Can I come in?”
Willow shook herself out of her stupor.
“God, yes, of course,” she said, stepping aside, “Sorry.”
Tara walked into the room and set her bag down by the foot of the bed. Willow closed the door and backed up against it.
There was pause which Willow accredited to herself because she just couldn’t stop staring.
Tara’s skin was glowing and Willow thought she must have been outdoors a lot to pick up the kind of tan she had in winter. Her hair was up in a messy bun that just looked so effortlessly sexy to Willow and the smile on her face was bright and assured.
Willow opened her mouth—
“You look great,” Tara interjected before Willow could say the exact same words.
“Huh?” Willow asked, startled.
She looked down at herself; her clothes were clean and neatly tucked but it was nothing special.
She didn’t consider that Tara was seeing the weight lifted from her shoulders or the lightness in her step or how her eyes were full of unreserved adoration; the ‘unreserved’ part new to see.
“You look beautiful,” Tara repeated softly, “It’s so good to see you.”
Willow pushed herself off the door.
“It’s so good to see you too.”
They both stayed where they were, a bit of an awkward lull between them.
“I don’t think I said thank you,” Tara said after a moment, “For saving me that day.”
Willow shrugged one shoulder bashfully.
“I didn’t…”
“You did,” Tara insisted, “I was…terrified. I don’t know how I would have gotten out on my own. I’d already been wandering around for an hour. If I hadn’t had good battery life and you…”
She looked down and Willow saw a quiver in Tara’s hand as she balled it by her side.
Willow felt her heart clench. She’d never actually pondered the danger Tara had been in lost in the bush; she’d been too focused on finding her and then excited about seeing her.
Tara lifted her gaze again and exhaled a breath.
“And all I could think about…it was ‘not you’.”
Willow felt like her stomach dropped right out of her. She barely managed to hold in a whimper.
She didn’t manage to hide her facial reaction though and Tara quickly reached a hand out into the air.
“Not ‘not…’” she started, quickly stopping herself when she realized she needed to be clearer, “I’m not explaining myself well. It was the absence of you.”
Willow looked unsure, and still a little hurt, as Tara’s hand fell back. She held both hands clasped in front of her.
“It was every amazing piece of nature that I saw and you weren’t there to share it with me. It was every joke someone told when I would look over to see your reaction…but you weren’t there. It was all the sights that just weren’t as awe-inducing when I couldn’t see the awe in your eyes too.”
Willow frowned for a moment, then started breathing normally again as her brow lines evened out again.
Tara bit her lip for a moment then searched her pockets for her phone.
“I kept thinking about the comic book you made me,” she said, flicking through photos to find the digital copies of the pages she had stored, “I would read what you wrote and I realized you were right all along.”
She held up the picture of the back page with Willow’s lovingly drawn doodle.
“It sure would be prettier with you.”
Willow’s face broke out in a slow smile.
“I have to admit,” she said, barely holding in a grin, “I stole that from a song.”
Tara just laughed.
“I know you did.”
She put her phone down again.
“I just kept thinking about how we could have figured all this other stuff out if we just talked. I know we have different ideas but I want to try and make it work.”
Willow took a tentative step forward.
“I don’t think our ideas are that different.”
“You said about how you wanted to have traveled the world the other way?” Tara asked unsurely, particularly since that was probably the one thing they couldn’t change, their basic directional flights were booked.
Willow frowned again. It took her a moment to even remember saying that.
“No, Tara, you misunderstood,” she said, shaking her head, “I said that’s what I
would have done. What I guess I forgot to say was how glad I was that I had you and your plans because this way is
so much better! Following summer around the globe would be crazy, do you know how hot it gets?”
Tara laughed again and it fed Willow’s soul.
“Following off-peak is cheaper and less touristy and I was so on board with your plans from the beginning,” Willow continued softly, “I’m so sorry I didn’t make that clear.”
Tara raised her hand to her face and looked contrite.
“I think maybe it was my ears that were clogged.”
Willow shook her head.
“No, you definitely had reason to object to how I was…being. I didn’t realize it, Tara. I was acting like we’re still just chilling out at home and I was so insensitive to how big a deal this is. Getting to travel like this is such a huge, amazing experience and I was being a child. Taking it for granted. Taking the fact that I have money to fall back on for granted. You were so clear with me before we left, we even made up that budget together and then I’m like oh look at me so important I’m just going to ignore all of that.”
Tara’s mouth opened in surprise but Willow was quick to continue.
“I hate that we’ve been fighting, I
hate it,” she said emphatically, “But I figured out…it’s because we’re actually being real with each other. We’ve always had this…thing…us…but now we’re being honest. It’s the same path but new ground and we’re figuring out where the new bumps in the road are.”
She smiled easily.
“And I say bring it on, even when it sucks, because that’s how we’ll figure out the best way to fit with each other,” she said, biting the corner of her lip shyly, “And we’ll always fit, even if we have to adjust from time to time.”
Tara seemed a little stunned so Willow took advantage of the opportunity to speak and finally get out everything she’d been processing over the past few weeks.
“You said we don’t have to do every single thing together and that’s true. If I wanna do a certain tour or you wanna go out on your own or stay somewhere else or…whatever. Doing this together doesn’t mean every last thing. That’s not healthy,” she paused to take a breath but wasn’t anywhere near done, “And as for the room situation…I was being a snob.”
Tara turned her head.
“Well…”
“I was being a snob,” Willow repeated with a certain nod, “I get it now. I didn’t. At first. But I tried to push myself and I did, I pushed myself, Tara. I stayed in dorms and I talked to people and I made myself be social. And after a while, not even a long while…it wasn’t scary anymore. It was fun. I felt fun, like
I was fun.”
Tara could only blink several times.
“Wow.”
Willow nodded softly to herself.
“I met this nice couple in Melbourne and they kinda took me under their wing. I guess I was major third wheeling but after a few days, I got more comfortable talking to people at breakfast and stuff. They went on to Perth and I decided to move on too and it was…freeing. Just being open to conversation, being friendly. Everyone knows people will move on so it’s not weird or sad. Each person who leaves brings in a new person with new experiences to share…”
She stopped for a moment and her tone grew more introspective.
“I’ve only ever had friendships that fell into my lap. You moved in across the street and I colored next to Xander in Kindergarten and Buffy wanted help with homework. I never really worked at it. I accepted loneliness, a lot of loneliness…I mean that time last year when I lost all three of you for those few weeks…I literally talked to no one but the delivery guys for over a month. And even though it sucked, that’s what felt comfortable. So I didn’t know I was doing it here too. I was just clinging to you because you’re what I knew.”
She met Tara’s eye.
“Thing is, during all the great conversations and fun experiences…what I wanted more than anything was for you to be there too. I just kept thinking man, this is so great…but imagine how spectacular it would be with her,” she said, beginning to turn her fingers over each other in front of her as they fidgeted, “That’s what I want. To be my own person…who also just happens to belong to you.”
Tara had begun to feel a little bombarded by everything but that last line hit her right in the heart.
“That’s what I want too,” she said, ducking her head for a moment, “Wow, Willow, you’ve really…you’ve really thought a lot about all this.”
Willow shrugged self-deprecatingly.
“Daughter of shrinks, I’m not completely clueless on the emotional intelligence front. Just had to get a little over myself first.”
“I never thought you had to get over yourself,” Tara interjected quickly, “Honestly Willow, I didn’t expect…I hoped we could make the trip work but you’re really laying it all on the table. And I’m so proud. A-And I hope that you—”
“Realize my insecurities are not a reflection of your actual feelings?” Willow guessed intuitively, then held a hand up apologetically, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
Tara’s eyes flickered with surprise.
“No, that’s…”
Willow nodded.
“I know. I hate myself but I’m selfish and egocentric. An impressive trifecta of contradiction.”
“No, Willow,” Tara shook her head sadly at that summation, “We just need to talk better. This isn’t all on you.”
Willow closed her eyes and smiled almost sadly.
“It’s a process but I promise to listen better without a Willow-filter,” she said, then swallowed a little nervous lump in her throat, “And Tara…I really, really need you to be honest with me. You’ve always cushioned my feelings, I’m seeing that now. You held back to make me feel better about myself.”
She kept Tara’s gaze as much as her insides were screaming to look away.
“You’ve talked about how I hurt myself and put myself down and berate myself with my own thoughts…but you hurt yourself too when you value your emotions less than mine,” her voice started to break a little bit, “And I really think we could both stop hurting ourselves if we just keep each other in check.”
A tear escaped but it accompanied a shaken laugh.
“‘Cause you’re the only one I want kicking my ass.”
Tara’s hand covered her eyes and her thumb and index finger swiped inward to gather a few stray tears.
“You’re the only one I want kicking my ass too.”
She blew out a breath and smiled at Willow through watery eyes.
“I figured out this great word as I was traveling. Compromise. Have you heard it?”
Willow laughed and Tara flicked the corner of her eye dry with her sleeve.
“It’s this crazy thing where two people work together to come up with a solution that works for both of them. I’ll give you an example. A compromise to our room problem might be that each time we go somewhere new we compare private rooms versus shared rooms and decide what works best based on cost and itinerary and how social we’re feeling.”
“Really, Tara, I’ll do the dorms with you,” Willow replied with a shrug. It felt like such a minor issue now, “I mean it, I’m not just saying it. What did I think college was going to be like? We don’t even have to stay in this room, I just thought some space…I just thought it would be good to—”
“Talk?” Tara asked softly.
“Yeah,” Willow smiled easily, “Just talk. Figure this out. That’s all I want.”
Tara reached up and gently brushed her loose hair back behind her ear, pensively.
“This is all so great, Willow. I wasn’t expecting it. I thought…”
Willow felt her throat start to close. Tara shook her head downward.
“Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard,” she stopped and sighed, “You can't ever…”
She paused for a breath and to look at Willow.
“Put them back the way they were.”
“Tara?” Willow asked helplessly and with concern at the change in Tara’s tone.
Tara looked solemn and contemplative.
“I'm sorry, it's just…” another deep sigh left her mouth, “You know, it takes time. You can't just…have a phone call and expect—”
Willow’s face flashed with guilt.
“I know.”
Tara’s brow creased.
“There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides…”
Willow’s face bore the same fall into distress as it had on the day Tara left.
“You have to learn if…if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit in each other's lives.”
Willow continued to look at Tara, resigned. Tara’s eyes were glassy as she tried to express everything she’d been feeling since the phone call.
“It's a long…important process, and…”
Finally it culminated in what she was truly trying to say.
“Can we just skip it? Can-can you just be kissing me now?”
Willow’s eyes widened and her whole face lit up.
It took her about 0.7 of a second to stride across the space between them. Her hands tangled in Tara’s hair and she claimed the kiss she’d been so bitterly regretting rejecting when Tara had left.
Tara’s hands pulled at Willow’s waist and she quickly started pushing Willow back toward the bed.
Willow fell onto the mattress and happily welcomed Tara’s weight on top of her. As she scooted back she felt her laptop still sitting there from earlier and did her best to guide it to the floor without breaking the kiss.
“Wait,” she said suddenly, already breathless, but Tara didn’t mind waiting because Willow was leaning over the bed toward her laptop on the floor and Tara was getting a pretty good view of her behind.
Music started to play as Willow returned fully to the bed and Tara recognized the song immediately.
She smirked.
“So you did get my email.”
Willow smiled bashfully.
“Sorry I didn’t reply. I was going to but I wanted to respect your need for space and I didn’t want you to feel obligated to reply back to me.”
Tara reached out and took a handful from the end of Willow’s shirt, pulling them together.
“Willow I have to tell you,” she said, licking her lips when their breath hit each other’s mouths, “Your personal growth is really turning me on.”
She tugged Willow in the last quarter-inch and immediately sucked Willow’s bottom lip into her mouth.
They both moaned softly and Willow found herself on her back again but Tara’s thigh was sliding between her legs this time. She felt warmth roll over in her stomach and grabbed Tara’s cheeks to pull her in closer.
Tara sat back in Willow’s lap and released her hair.
Willow watched her, enthralled.
She could see Tara’s body almost imperceptibly grinding with the music and her arousal spiked.
“Do do doop do doop da dum,” Tara sang along softly, her body bouncing on top of Willow’s lap, “You get it now?”
“Oh, I so get it,” Willow breathed erratically.
This had been exactly how she imagined Tara, alone that day back in Melbourne. Listening to this music. Wanting this so badly.
One hand fell behind Tara’s back and Willow couldn’t get enough. She clawed at Tara’s shirt and Tara quickly moved to lift it over her head.
Willow felt her mouth go dry watching Tara reveal her upper half. Every inch of abdomen sent a new wave of excitement through her and when Tara’s breasts bounced into view behind the pale pink bra she was adorning she let out a quiet moan.
“You’re so hot,” Willow said, a little mesmerized.
Her hands went for Tara’s belt, snapping it open in a flurry of movement and Tara pushed her hips forward encouragingly. Her pants were bundled away from her, whooshed past her legs without even touching them. Willow’s palms pressed against Tara’s thighs and she felt them melt into Tara’s skin, her muscles twitching and reminding Willow what it felt like to be between them.
Tara’s hands slid over the fabric of Willow’s shirt, smoothing it out as her fingers found the top button.
She popped it and worked the rest of the way down.
She pushed it away from Willow’s shoulders and was surprised with a fully bare chest.
Two fingertips trailed down either side of Willow’s collarbone and rolled over her nipples, instantly inviting them to stiffen. Willow’s chest thrust up and Tara gladly cupped both her breasts and gave a generous squeeze. Her lips dropped into Willow’s neck and peppered her sensitive skin with quick kisses until she moaned.
One hand fell down between their bodies and worked the button on Willow’s pants free. She slid her hand under the fabric. Her fingers pressed against the cotton of Willow’s panties and easily seeped into the wetness there.
Willow felt the slight abrasion of the material of her panties push into her lips and then against her clit with the added pressure of Tara’s fingers. She gasped and pushed her hips up for more friction. Tara’s fingers slipped past Willow’s panties and took direct contact, rolling her fingers over Willow’s clit.
She used the music as a guide, letting it flow through from her body to Willow’s and echo the sensual thump they were creating between them.
She felt Willow squirm and feeling equally keen, she grabbed Willow’s pants and tore them from her legs. Willow aided this by kicking her legs whilst giggling and watched with darkening eyes as her panties were lost over Tara’s shoulder.
Her legs closed shyly and Tara immediately reached behind herself to unsnap her bra. She brushed it aside as it fell from her arms and gently scooted between Willow’s legs again. Her hands rested on Willow’s knees and slid down her thighs where she parted them enough to cup her between her legs as she laid on top of her.
Willow breathlessly and impatiently waited for Tara to find her footing on top of her but could only wait so long with Tara’s lips hovering so close to her. Her heartbeat was thumping so palpably in Tara’s palm, she didn’t know how it didn’t beat right through.
Tara melted into the kiss for a moment, moaning as her thighs slid against Willow’s thighs and she felt the heat pour out of her girlfriend. She felt Willow’s hand cup her cheeks and she opened her mouth to tease Willow’s tongue with her own.
Her other hand took Willow’s breast in her hand and rolled her thumb around the nipple again. When it grew so taut she could feel Willow’s abdominal muscles straining, she brought her mouth down and offered some warm, wet relief. Her tongue was hot on Willow’s straining flesh, turning her puckering areola a deep pink.
The song changed to the final track and Willow didn’t know how time had passed that fast.
She felt first the emotional swell of the music and then the physical swell between her legs as Tara kissed her and kissed her and kissed her. Now she knew why time had passed that fast. Lost in Tara’s kisses.
Tara’s lips smacked hungrily against Willow’s skin, taking in her breasts and abdomen and right down to the end tine of the V where Willow’s hipbones met. Her hands followed the curves and lines of Willow’s body until she was once again opening Willow’s thighs and lowering her mouth to taste where she glistened.
Willow’s thighs quivered as Tara’s tongue dipped between her lips and she thrust her hips up wantonly.
A few months ago, she had barely been able to imagine this.
She would gift herself flashes in the dark for a momentary relief followed by deep shame but the thought of being open like this, touched like this, even just naked with Tara made her want to shrivel away with embarrassment and fear.
Even with her hand lost in Tara’s panties or Tara’s in hers as they’d started to explore, she’d shut her eyes tight and focused only on sensation.
Vulnerability had seemed so terrifying, but it wasn’t. It was empowering to trust and be trusted.
Also, Tara sure knew how to use her mouth.
This wasn’t a surprise to Willow, but boy did she love the dependability.
She felt Tara’s finger push against her opening and groaned with the immediate throb of need. This feeling; allowing herself to embrace this feeling of humming desire was so overwhelmingly delicious. She could barely stand it when Tara tried to enter her so delicately, still a little gun-shy about hurting her.
Her inner muscles squeezed around her to pull her further inside and Willow let out a momentary sigh of relief when Tara began to stroke her more deeply.
She felt herself losing control quickly, too quickly, but she was powerless to stop it. A jolt of pleasure shot up her spine and then spread out over her middle and she was lost.
When her thighs stopped jerking, she took in a new breath and her eyelids opened, searching, but Tara was already anticipating her need and was pulling her close.
“I’m here, I’m here.”
Willow relaxed again and curled herself around Tara’s side, her arm thrown against Tara’s waist and her leg tangled between Tara’s legs.
She smiled and her eyes closed again softly. All she could hear was both of them breathing.
“Hey, I didn’t even notice the music stop. And I was super into it.”
“Told you,” Tara replied and Willow could see the crooked little smirk that was on her lips without even looking.
She lightly tickled Tara’s side and giggled as Tara screamed and squirmed.
“Hey, hey, okay!”
Tara threw her legs off the bed and Willow looked alarmed for a moment before Tara glanced at her over her shoulder.
“Where’s the bathroom?”
Willow's eyes blinked with relief and she pointed.
“Turn left and down the hall.”
Tara stood up and found her pants and then quickly looked around for her shirt.
“My hoodie is just there,” Willow offered, “Key is in the pocket.”
Tara pulled the hoodie over her head and left the room, turning around before the door closed to smile at Willow and wiggle her fingers in a wave.
Willow blew out a long breath, then immediately bent over and out of the bed to hike up her laptop and pull up a webpage. Her eyes moved back and forth over the page right up until she heard the key in the door and swiftly put the laptop back on the floor and pulled the sheet over herself inconspicuously.
“The locks actually work on the toilets here,” Tara said as she walked back in, “That’s a step up from where I’ve been staying.”
Willow laughed a little too loudly and Tara looked at her fondly, if not also a little strangely. She sat back on the side of the bed.
When she didn’t immediately begin to strip off again, Willow bounced impatiently.
“Aren’t you going to take your clothes off?”
Tara looked back with that same smile that only Willow could elicit.
“I just got back in the room,” she protested with little conviction, “But if you insist.”
She threw a quick wink in Willow’s direction and quickly threw off the pants and hoodie again. She slid back under the sheet with Willow and pressed their bodies together as she went in for a kiss.
Willow pulled Tara in by the back of her head and rolled them slightly so she was hovering half on top of her. She kissed down Tara’s jaw and into her neck while her hand closed over Tara’s breast, fingers splaying to take as much as she could. She pressed her body further into Tara as Tara’s hands touched her cheeks and cupped her ears and wound in her hair in a never-ending quest to touch more of her.
Willow’s four fingers curved under the waistband of Tara’s panties at her hip and she dragged them down Tara’s thigh. Tara’s knees bent together and lifted to help get them off and they ended up hanging around her ankle and falling down her foot to the floor.
Willow slowly kissed her way down Tara’s body. She could feel her heat before seeing it but when her eyes landed it was more than obvious how aroused Tara was. Still lying on Tara’s side, she slid two fingers between Tara’s lips, wetting them and finding her clit to give it a rub and offer Tara some relief.
“Mmmm,” Tara moaned through a vibration of her pursed lips.
While she’d spent years quietly pining for Willow, the last few weeks without her had brought new yearnings born of new experiences and more than one morning she’d had to go off for a cold shower after an active dream.
Willow had always been a little tentative with her so Tara tried not to audibly react when Willow’s hand moved away. She watched Willow move to kneel between her legs and opened her knees to give her space.
She waited patiently and with a sweet smile that put no pressure on anyone, but her face became wide eyes and a lightly gasping mouth when Willow grabbed her by the hips and tugged her down.
Willow was smirking and something had changed, Tara knew, but she had no idea what.
The look of surprise and arousal mixed on Tara’s face made Willow feel confident. She dropped her hand a little lower and easily slid two fingers inside Tara, going right up to the knuckle without hesitation. She watched Tara’s eyelids flicker and grow lidded.
Her other hand lay palm-down over Tara’s stomach and stayed still for the moment as her fingers dragged themselves in and out of her. When she had Tara warmed up, though it was a lot hotter than warm, she started to curl her fingers inside on each upward thrust.
Tara’s body writhed with Willow’s slow, confident strokes, her hips rising faster for each and every one until—
“Holy sh—” she gasped in surprise, her whole body jerking forward as her g-spot was stimulated for the first time, “Oh my god.”
Willow did it again and Tara fell flat on her back and really started to grind into Willow’s hand.
“Yes, yes…yes!”
Willow was enthralled watching Tara truly lose control, more than anything she’d offered her before. Tara’s body was strained and her knuckles were white from clenching the sheets. She’d thought Tara felt hot inside before, but she was really molten now and so slick Willow could only just keep up the friction.
She listened as the sounds coming from Tara’s mouth grew less and less coherent until finally, Tara’s neck strained back into the pillows, her lower jaw quivered and her whole body tilted upward.
Willow started to move the hand on Tara’s stomach, massaging it lightly and hearing verbal confirmation of enjoyment when Tara’s orgasmic moans elongated over several seconds.
“Wow,” Tara breathed, placing a hand in the middle of her chest as the flush died down.
Willow’s fingers fell out of Tara, not able to hold onto their spot with the results of Tara’s orgasm evident right out to her thighs. Willow looked down between Tara’s open legs, so pink and swollen she wouldn’t be able to close them. She felt a desire take hold inside her somewhere deep and primal.
Her knees popped out from under her so she was lying instead of kneeling and her arms moved around Tara’s thighs to rest either side of her waist. With her face close and only her own nerves keeping her away, she swallowed her own anxieties and allowed her face to get up close and personal.
“Whoa!” Tara yelped.
She hadn’t noticed Willow moving into position.
It was almost too much,
almost, but Willow was delicate and attentive and moving her tongue in ways Tara couldn’t discern but felt
amazing and honestly, Tara thought she might cry if Willow stopped.
“Yes, yes, yes…” she called encouragingly, though her voice was growing hoarse, “Oh, Willow, that feels so good.”
She felt Willow’s hands squeeze her thighs for more leverage to bring her tongue further down and her head started to roll back and forth on the pillow. Willow seemed to be having fun exploring her so Tara's clit wasn’t the focus of attention, but every time her tongue rolled over it, Tara was brought right to the edge of a second orgasm.
When Willow’s tongue lingered for more than just a second, rolling a second time over where she was throbbing so needily; that was the moment Tara broke and came again in waves and waves from top to toe. It was unlike anything she’d ever experienced.
Tara didn’t think she could find a single point on her person where pleasure wasn’t tingling under her skin. Like a phantom limb, satisfaction extended beyond where her physical body ended.
She couldn’t move; she was completely molded to the bed but she was aware of Willow’s presence moving up her body. Finally, her face was hovering close and Tara could see she was hesitating in kissing her. Tara bridged the uncertainty and lifted her head enough to bring their lips together. It was a whole new wave of satisfaction.
Willow relaxed immediately and Tara was able to bring a limp hand up to press against her cheek. Willow broke the kiss to take in a breath and Tara used her thumb to gently wipe the corner of Willow’s mouth.
Willow licked her lips instinctively and looked down shyly.
“I’m sorry I didn’t do that before now.”
Tara’s hand froze with her fingertips brushing hair behind Willow’s ear.
“You didn’t…you didn’t feel obligated did you?”
“Oh, no, no,” Willow replied quickly, “I wanted to. Before, when we first…”
She wanted to continue avoiding Tara’s gaze but tried her best to keep it.
“I was intimidated. I just…didn’t know what to do. I felt like that time at the science fair when the judges asked me about the difference between app design and web design and I blanked and didn’t know the answer.”
Tara frowned slightly.
“But you did know the answer. You won. You finally beat that guy’s butt.”
Willow shook her head.
“They circled back to me. I checked my notes. On the app. What with it being a note-taking app,” she explained with a small shrug, “But I mostly remember the moment of floundering…not the moment of winning.”
Tara lifted her head enough to peck Willow’s lips.
“Do you know how many people I bragged to that my best friend built her own app?” she asked, her lips curling sideways affectionately, “Plus I used it all the time for taking notes and doing homework. Your different colored pen options were inspired and much easier than doing it by hand.”
“I only thought of it when you pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane,” Willow admitted with a sheepish smile.
“I said ‘quirky’,” Tara amended, then paused to slowly grin at Willow as her fingertips tickled the nape of Willow’s neck, “You were amazing.”
Willow shrugged again.
“The standard was pretty low that year and—”
“No,” Tara interrupted through an exhaled laugh as she raised an eyebrow pointedly and let her palms slide down over Willow’s collarbone, “You. Were. Amazing.”
It took a moment, but then Willow realized all at once that she was still very much naked atop Tara.
“Oh,” she said with a blush rising in her cheeks, “Really?”
Tara nodded slowly.
“Oh yes.”
Willow dragged her upper teeth over the corner of her bottom lip.
“Well you know it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert in something. So I’ll have to keep putting the time in. If you’re available.”
Her eyelashes fluttered and Tara clearly found it arousing by the way her pupils enlarged. She trailed a finger down the side of Willow’s face and placed it on Willow’s chin to tilt it down to kiss her.
“I’ve always been taken.”
Willow relaxed against Tara’s body and returned the kiss slowly before gradually falling off alongside her.
“I wanted to make you feel as good as you made me feel.”
Tara chuckled.
“I think you went above and beyond.”
Willow smoothed her palms out over the sheet half-strewn across her stomach.
“I read some things,” she admitted, voice rising an octave higher, “Watched a video or two.”
She stopped and frowned.
“Those weren’t so helpful.”
Tara’s head turned on the pillow, her lips holding in a grin and her eyes a mix of sympathy and amusement.
“Oh honey, did you watch lesbian porn?”
“I don’t think those girls are even real lesbians!” Willow whispered in a shocked tone.
Tara stroked Willow’s hair comfortingly and kissed her temple. She twirled the front strands of Willow’s hair between her fingers and let them glide down to curl the ends.
“I wanna see,” she said after a minute or so of affectionate silence.
“Huh?” Willow asked, her brow wrinkling on one side.
“Whatever you read,” Tara clarified with a curious smile, “I want to see it.”
Willow’s lips moved from side to side dubiously for a moment, then hesitantly reached over to pick her laptop up again off the ground.
“I mean, I-I looked around, y’know, but…this mostly.”
She passed it off to Tara self-consciously and continued to watch her face as Tara scrolled through the webpage she had up. Tara kindly made no mention of the fact that Willow already had the page open.
Tara’s face gave nothing away as she read and Willow started to tap the sheet nervously. Right when she thought she couldn’t take another second of the uncertainty, Tara closed the laptop.
“Okay, I think I’ve got it.”
“Huh?” Willow asked again, then her eyes widened with both realization and surprise as Tara climbed back over her and kissed down her body, “Oh!”
Tara’s hand moved between her legs and Willow exhaled softly.
“Oh.”
That was the last whole word that left Willow’s mouth for a while.
By the time Tara was returning to the spot beside her, Willow’s mouth just hung open while her hair spread across the whole pillow as if she’d ionized the atmosphere with her moans.
As Tara’s shoulders settled with what one could call a hint of a swagger, Willow remained breathless and staring at the ceiling.
“You added in some moves of your own.”
Tara shrugged softly and made her fingers walk up Willow’s arm.
“You researched…I imagined.”
“You always did have an amazing imagination,” Willow complimented, then giggled under her breath, “Yabba And Dabba Doo… It.”
She giggled again, which in turn set Tara off.
“You made yourself laugh so hard,” Tara said, smiling at Willow with unadulterated affection, “C’mere.”
She gently gathered Willow up to spoon her, closing her arm around Willow’s waist and resting her chin on Willow’s shoulder.
Everything was quiet for a long time, so quiet Willow thought Tara may have fallen asleep. She couldn’t quite check without jostling them both and everything was just so comfortable and peaceful and
right again that she didn’t dare.
“Tara?” she whispered quietly enough that it wouldn’t wake her if she was.
There was an immediate tightening around her waist and a soft kiss on her shoulder blade.
“Yeah?”
Willow slid her palm down Tara’s arm and linked their fingers where her hand rested over her stomach. She held Tara’s hand there for a moment and closed her eyes.
“I think I’m kinda gay.”
There was a silence for a minute, then Willow felt Tara’s smile on her neck.
“That’s okay, I still love you.”
A laugh bubbled past Willow’s lips and the bats in her stomach settled back into butterflies.
“Stop,” she laughed as she turned onto her back but remaining entwined with Tara at the legs.
She’d been so afraid of saying those words for so long, she was sure she’d sputter and falter but they came out easily.
“It’s not the perfect description…that would be more like ‘Tarasexual’,” she reasoned, touching Tara’s cheek for a moment, “But it’s close enough. And I’m okay with it.”
Her soft yet determined smile nearly made Tara cry. She’d helplessly watched Willow struggle for so long but she knew the journey of acceptance was ultimately a solo one.
“I’m so proud of you sweetie.”
It took everything not to let her voice shake, but she did it. Willow was being strong and deserved for Tara to be too.
Willow began drawing idle circles on Tara’s shoulder.
“I realized the ‘not being okay with the gay’ part was never about liking boys or girls. It was about hating myself. And the only antidote to that is to accept yourself. I’m not like ‘oh yay, self, we’re awesome’ or anything but…it’s a start.”
“Oh honey,” Tara said, pressing a hand over Willow’s heart, “That’s twice you’ve said you hate yourself.”
“Yeah, but isn’t it better to say it out loud than bury it deep?” Willow asked, holding Tara’s hand there and rubbing Tara’s fingers with her thumb, “That’s what I’m finally starting to get. That… air is negativity’s kryptonite and keeping it inside leaves it in a nice warm, moisture-laden, perfectly pH-balanced swamp of growth.”
Tara kissed the spot under Willow’s ear.
“Stop trying to turn me on. I haven’t recovered yet.”
Willow laughed again and Tara thought it might have the most real and the freest sound she’d ever hear come from her girlfriend. She kept her hand on Willow’s heart and brushed her fingers over Willow’s collarbone.
“Thank you for trusting me.”
Willow dropped her hand to Tara’s waist, pulling her leg in to further entwine with hers. Her hand stayed curved at Tara’s hip, fingers splaying out over her butt.
“Thank you for waiting.”
Tara nuzzled her head into the crook of Willow’s neck.
“I would have waited forever.”
Willow’s brow lines furrowed into a v shape as she stared contemplatively toward the ceiling.
“Why? I’m not fishing for a compliment, I just…everything I put you through. I wouldn’t have stayed with me. You deserved better.”
Tara inhaled a long, soft breath, not even noticing they were breathing in sync.
“I guess that’s a two-parter,” she replied, taking time to be careful with her words, “The first, because… I believed we were…fated. I know that sounds lame, maybe. But that’s what I felt. That I just had to have patience. Even if you were with other people…you’d see what I saw between us eventually. Of course, there was a huge chance I was just infatuated and setting myself up to have my heart broken. That’s what I thought when I went off to band camp that time. I hadn’t blown my chance, my chance was never there.”
She paused and Willow began to feel the familiar push of guilt start to push in from the corner of her mind.
”The second part was…faith,” Tara continued and smiled to herself, “I knew how much it took for you to admit there was anything at all there, so when I came home and you did and you kissed me…I just kept reminding myself of what I knew before. Have patience. We’ll get there.”
“We’ll get there,” Willow repeated softly to herself, very aware of the use of the plural pronoun.
Tara never placed the blame on her. They’d gone through everything to get to this point
together.
“Wow.”
That felt like an anchor to pull her from her old self-deprecation. Something shifted in her mind and she felt like she had alone in the private room; it just clicked into place.
“Hey,” she said, squeezing Tara’s hip, reaffirming the connection, “You’ve said that before. You believed we were meant to be…even when I didn’t. Wouldn’t.”
Her mouth scrunched to the side as she paused for a moment in thought.
“Did you always…?” she started, then stopped and changed her wording, “
When did you…?”
Her eyes widened and she suddenly sat up straight, jostling Tara off to the side.
“Wait. Whoa.”
She clutched the sheet to her chest and turned her wide-eyed stare over her shoulder to Tara, who was kindly pretending she hadn’t just been accidentally shoved away.
“I never asked you anything about all of this. I-I just acted like this all started the night you came out to me but…you had a whole journey before that…I never once asked what it was like for you. Wait, did I just push you?”
“It’s okay,” Tara replied to the last part first, but before she could say it hadn’t hurt, Willow had taken her hand and was looking at her with a deeper gaze than befitting a clumsy body movement.
“It’s not,” Willow said, closing her other hand around Tara’s too so she was holding it enclosed in both of hers, “You deserve to be heard too.”
Tara breathed softly and pecked Willow’s lips.
“We talked about it a bit once. I told you about seeking out gay media but that wasn’t really the full story, just one aspect of it.”
Willow carried Tara’s hand to her face and kissed it.
“Tell me? Tell me your story. I wanna hear it.”
Tara's eyebrows rose just a tad on her brow, conveying her quiet surprise.
“Oh.”
She slid her back up against the wall and brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. She smiled softly, to herself at first, then shyly at Willow.
“Okay.”
She rested her chin on her folded arms and considered her thoughts for a minute before starting.
“I knew I was gay that time we were 14 and you wanted to watch every Bring It On movie back to back.”
Willow head physically reeled back a little bit.
“Wow, there’s an interesting memory to replay with hindsight.”
Tara chuckled as her eyes shone with a range of memories playing behind them.
“I knew that I didn’t like boys. When you would talk about Xander…when you wanted to practice kissing for him…I just knew I didn’t feel the same way about any boy.”
“Neither did I,” Willow said through a little laugh.
“You were pretty convincing,” Tara replied and for the first time, Willow recognized a little bit of bite in her tone.
She didn’t interrupt and Tara visibly exhaled before continuing on, voice soft again.
“It wasn’t just that movie. Being so fascinated with how all of those girls moved together just kind of cemented a lot of other moments together.”
She stopped again. This felt a little weird, not because she didn’t want to open up, she just never had. A lot of thoughts and memories rolled around at once as she tried to make sense of them in an easier to explain linear manner.
“About a year before that, we were having a sleepover and we fell asleep with the TV on. I woke up in the middle of the night and this movie was playing. I kept watching instead of just turning it off and going back to sleep for some reason. It was about these two girls, teenagers and it just showed them being together and kissing for real and… it was difficult, but also so easy. The feelings were just natural. I watched it right through to the end, where they’re happy and hugging despite all the crap in their lives. The credits played and I saw it was called ‘The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love’ and that was honestly the first time I ever realized two girls could be in love like that. I knew what gay meant I just…didn’t realize girls could be in love like girls and guys are in the movies. I’d never seen it.”
She smiled.
“That was when I started to write my own songs. I’d dabbled in short little melodies but I picked up the pen one day and I just felt myself become a conduit for the lyrics. Like my muse was awakened,” she explained, then tilted her head gently as she looked at Willow, “And you know, I called you my muse but I don’t think that you were necessarily my muse in that sense. I think…my own truth was my muse. But my truth was that I loved you.”
Willow’s expression started with slight disappointed but slowly brightened into a much fuller sense of connection and understanding. She scooted closer to Tara and offered her silent presence to continue listening.
Tara held her hand out to find Willow’s again, finding comfort and courage in the embrace.
“I think I probably should have come to it quicker, and maybe I even did but just deep down denied it so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I would get these little flashbacks as I was trying to go to sleep, like when we would have our Barbies marry each other. I guess I was more scared of confronting what was going on between us than who I was,” she paused again and shifted her recollection, “That day, before the cheerleading movie… we kissed. For…quite a while. So my tummy was warm and my lips were tingly and you put the first movie on. Skin was showing and limbs were flying and I believe there was even some thrusting. It was the first time I’d really been…stimulated. You know, it actually wasn’t until a few weeks after that when we had a sex ed class and I learned how women get turned on that I finally put it all together. So it was all a bit like a slap in the face but also one I knew was coming if that makes sense.”
Tara held up her other hand in a partial shrug.
“So then came the big gay dive.”
Willow’s head jerked forward.
“I’m sorry, the what?”
Tara smiled but ducked her head to hide it.
“Well, it’s kind of like how you sought out that stuff earlier, except for… everything even remotely suggestive or indicative of lesbianism. It’s what I talked to you about before, seeking media.”
“Like…?” Willow prompted a bit cluelessly.
Tara blinked several times; there was a lot of information she’d learned in that time, too much to impart all at once.
“Well, see, there’s more to being gay than…”
She gestured between them.
“Screwing a girl?” Willow offered, reading a bit too much into the fact they were still both naked.
Tara’s lips pursed, but they couldn’t help falling into a smile despite the brashness.
“I was going to say falling in love with your best friend.”
“Is that a unique gay experience?” Willow wondered, mostly sarcastically.
“It kind of is, actually,” Tara laughed.
“Really?” Willow asked, eyebrows rising together sharply.
Tara nodded.
“Little bit.”
Willow frowned a little bit, then sat up straighter.
“Teach me how to be gay.”
“Oh, it’s not like that, there’s not just one way to be gay,” Tara clarified quickly, “There’s just…a community. A culture.”
Willow just shrugged so Tara did her best to condense her experience.
“I sought out movies and TV shows. Found community boards online. Not all of them had awful spelling,” she added quickly, “I loved finding music where women were singing about other women. I’d always changed the pronoun in my head and I hadn’t even realized it. I even snuck out to a gay bar when I was 16 to see a band I knew of play a show.”
“In Sunnydale?!” Willow asked incredulously.
“No, in Brujas,” Tara replied, chuckling to herself at the idea of a gay bar in Sunnydale.
Willow nodded slowly.
“And you got in?”
“I think they knew I was…a newbie,” Tara replied with a fondness in her voice, “The bouncer got a nod from the barman and I wasn’t going to risk being kicked out by trying to order a drink. They just let me enjoy the show.”
“Did you?” Willow asked softly, enraptured in Tara’s tale.
Tara nodded, still smiling with a faraway look in her eye.
“I think my eyes must have been bugging out of my head. The crowd kind of parted to let me up to the front, or maybe I just remember it that way. I’d never seen so many women just being open with their girlfriends. Hugging and dancing and swaying and kissing and laughing and just…being normal. That was my real moment of acceptance. That’s when I knew I was really okay.”
“Did you get hit on?” Willow asked, her tone rising with curiosity and her chin lifting in something akin to a challenge.
Tara shook her head.
“Like I said, I think there was an understanding. I think everyone probably recognized themselves a little and let me process in my own little way,” she explained, rising and dropping a shoulder, “Not that anyone would hit on me anyway.”
“Uh, wrong,” Willow dismissed, “Patently wrong. The wrongest you’ve ever been. More wrong than that time I thought boobs wouldn’t be that great.”
Tara’s eyebrow arched and Willow quickly averted her eyes.
“Nothing.”
Tara shook off a frown and looked away bashfully.
“It didn’t matter anyway.”
She raised her gaze to meet Willow’s.
“I was totally head over heels for the girl across the street and it was becoming harder and harder to deny it,” she explained, squeezing Willow’s hand as she spoke, “You were the person I was singing about. You were the person I wanted to hug and dance and sway with and laugh with and kiss.”
Willow turned Tara’s palm over and drew shapes in it.
“Well, we were kissing. Until you said we should stop. Rejection City, by the way. Do you know how hard it is to feel rejected but you won’t even admit why in the first place?”
Tara looked at Willow sympathetically that was nothing if not sincere. She’d felt like she was rejecting herself when she stopped it too.
“It felt wrong when I knew what I was getting from it, but wasn’t sure what you were. I never wanted you to feel used.”
Willow didn’t need to be told it was a kindness to them both; she knew that Tara was kindness personified. But to finally voice it between them went a long way to covering the memory of that sting with a layer of emotional Neosporin and finally allow it to start to heal.
“Did you know I really did like you?”
Tara’s lips vibrated as she puffed a breath past them. That was a complicated and loaded question.
“I always felt what we have,” she answered honestly, “But you were adamantly in love with someone else and I just wanted you to be happy. But of course, I had some hope. I never would have told you if I didn’t. I guess that night when you sort of dismissed your feelings for him I thought maybe…I dunno, honey, I didn’t plan to come out to you that night. I certainly didn’t plan to tell you I liked you. I had a moment of bravery or stupidity maybe. I was so pent up and you were so important to me, even beyond my romantic feelings. It felt wrong to lie to you. Everything just sort of tumbled out.”
Willow didn’t like this memory. She didn’t like to be reminded of how cruel she’d been. She didn’t like to remember the look on Tara’s face or the word she’d used or how that night had been the closest she’d ever come to physically hurting herself. But for the first time ever, she didn’t bury it; she looked at Tara’s eyes and let it replay between them and offered her a silent apology that words could never convey.
Tara reached out and caught her hand behind Willow’s neck, rubbing there gently.
“I loved you. I love you. And sometimes love hurts.”
She leaned in to rest their foreheads together.
“And sometimes love heals.”
She sighed softly and pecked Willow’s lips.
“And ultimately it is embracing that we’re different, but still the same soul.”
Willow felt Tara’s forgiveness heavy in the air and was completely stunned to find she actually forgave herself too. She kissed Tara’s lips again, a gentle promise.
“Always.”
Tara smiled and went in for another soft kiss. They naturally shifted back down to lying together, Tara on her back with Willow curled into her side. They quietly cuddled for quite a while until Willow turned her head back up toward Tara.
“Did you have anyone to talk to about all of this…stuff? You just…you handled it so…well, you handled it. Unlike me.”
“I talked to people online,” Tara replied evenly, “They were very helpful. They understood. Taught me the jokes.”
“There’s jokes?” Willow asked with the start of a pout, beginning to feel very left out.
Tara smiled and squeezed Willow’s shoulder.
“I’ll teach you about the U-Haul in our second lesson.”
Willow snuggled her head back on Tara’s chest.
“I always knew I could talk to you…even though I didn’t, I knew someone else knew and didn’t hate me for it. And then I told Buffy and then Xander and they were okay with it too. Well, maybe a little odd at first, but things were pretty odd before I told them anyway.”
Her brow gradually furrowed as she continued to think.
“You know what’s weird?”
“Japanese commercials are weird,” Tara answered reasonably.
“Yes,” Willow agreed with a single resolute nod of her head, “And also…how I got asked—even asked myself—if I could just be mixing up friendship feelings for you. No one ever questioned that I liked Xander even though I’ve known him almost as long.”
Tara stroked Willow’s back; a soothing comfort for her words.
“You’ve reached the heteronormativity realization portion of your gay awakening.”
Willow’s head popped up, frowning.
“It sounds horrible. When does it stop?”
Tara balled a fist and offered it to bump.
“When we smash the patriarchy.”
Willow couldn’t help but smile and tried to return the fist-bump but awkwardly hit Tara on top, and then Tara tried to go in again and Willow got her on the bottom. They finally connected at the knuckles and laughed.
“Can we smash it before dinner maybe?”
Tara smiled back, then brushed a hand over her middle.
“Actually, dinner would be really good right now. I came straight from the airport.”
“Me!” Willow suddenly squealed, making Tara jump in place, which made Willow blush, “I mean, let me! Please?”
Startled but hungry and feeling in a very trusting place, Tara held her hands up.
“Okay. Sure. Thanks.”
Willow threw the blanket off and started running around to throw some clothes on.
“I’ll be right back,” she promised with a kiss before speeding out the door, “I love you!”
Tara felt the reverberation of the door shake the mattress and threw her arms over her head and across the pillows.
“Wow,” she whispered to herself as she started to process the last few hours.
She hadn’t expected all of this.
She glanced down at her naked self.
Well, okay, she’d certainly hoped it might end up this way, but not the rest of it. That kind of conversation between them had been such a long time coming and she could physically feel the glow that was emanating from her body. She’d always known Willow’s love was there, but to be given it so freely and honestly was everything she’d waited for yet it still caught her by surprise.
“Wow,” she repeated, grinning and for the first time identified what it must feel like to have a ‘partner’.
She’d spent her life alongside Willow but really felt like now she was
with her. It was an ending and a beginning all at once but she’d been ready and was ready now to step into whatever they discovered they were when truly together.
Her hands settled on her stomach, forming a heart shape and it let out a discontent rumble. Tara tried to recall where Willow might have run out to, to get food but she had been a little nervous on the shuttle bus and hadn’t paid enough attention to the neighborhood to remember.
She hoped it would be carby; she was starving. She’d had an apple before leaving for the airport and a snack pack of Brazil nuts she was given on the plane and now her stomach was really starting to protest.
Thankfully, Willow was only gone another 10 minutes and Tara was alerted to her return by hearing her bump against the door from the other side and then swear loudly.
Tara slid out of the bed, pulled her panties and shirt back on and opened the door whilst hiding behind it in case anyone else passed by outside.
“Thanks,” Willow said sheepishly as she came into the room.
Tara was surprised to see her carrying two bowls and not a pizza box.
Willow put the bowls down on top of the locker and opened the drawer, pulling out a resealable bag with a brightly colored pouch inside.
“Do you want some ice tea?” she asked, holding up the bag to show her, “You can get these powder mixes cheap in the Asian supermarkets. I just add it into my water bottle. Easy to seal up and carry around.”
Tara nodded, impressed.
“That’s a great idea. I’d love some,” she said, going to her own bag to take the water bottle from the side pocket, “Thank you. Dinner smells great.”
Willow mixed up their drinks and shyly handed Tara over one of the bowls. Tara recognized it as tuna casserole.
“Okay, it’s nothing special,” Willow admitted, sitting cross-legged on the bed, “But it’s cheap and easy to make in a hostel kitchen and the ingredients are easy to find so it’s a good traveling meal…”
Tara’s eyebrows lifted in surprise.
“You cooked this? I’ve watched you burn pop tarts.”
Willow stirred her food around the bowl to avoid Tara’s gaze bashfully.
“That was more laziness than lack of skill.”
Tara looked down at the wonderfully creamy looking dish, so familiar to her.
“My mom makes this.”
Willow nodded.
“I know, she showed me how one day,” she explained, “When my parents started leaving me alone. I guess she felt sorry for me. She taught me this and grilled cheese and pita pizza one afternoon.”
Tara was slightly blown away.
“She never told me.”
“She dropped over casseroles and stuff all the time too. I never asked, she would just leave it at the door for me,” Willow said, then smiled softly, “Your mom is the best.”
“Yeah, she is,” Tara agreed, then took her first spoonful of the casserole, lifting her hand to wipe the sauce from the corner of her mouth, “Willow, this is really good.”
Willow shrugged one shoulder.
“It’s not your mom’s.”
“It’s different,” Tara deduced, immediately going in for more, “Did you add something?”
“Just a little mustard,” Willow replied casually.
Tara reached across to squeeze Willow’s knee.
“It’s
really good.”
Willow’s face lit up and she sat up a bit straighter.
“I usually put peas in it…you know, some easy green that I could keep in the freezer. But I remembered when your mom taught me she used green onions so I went to the market early this morning to get some.”
Tara dragged the spoon from her mouth, taking every last bit from it hungrily.
“I’m very impressed. You’ve been holding out on me.”
Willow caught Tara’s gaze and held it for a moment.
“Not anymore,” she stopped and smiled, “I will make you the best pita pizza you’ve ever had. You wanna know the secret?”
Tara looked at her curiously and Willow grinned wider.
“A can of chili.”
Tara’s face scrunched up and she shook her head.
“Oh, Willow, no.”
“Sweet chili sauce base, can of chili, sliced jalapeños and top with cheese. It’s a revelation,” Willow replied, laughing, “You just wait, Maclay. I’ll turn you over to the dark side. We have chili. In a can.”
Tara snorted with laughter and held her hand over her mouth to cover it but failed miserably. Willow laughed harder at Tara laughing until they were both just in convulsions with each other.
“Oh my god,” Tara breathed as she finally regained control of it enough to start eating again, “Oh, I missed you.”
Willow smiled softly and rubbed her shoulder next to Tara’s.
“What did you get up to? Did you stick around Melbourne at all? I stuck around for a week and then went onto Adelaide. I went to a few more places but I really liked it there, I kept going back. Did you go to Philip Island? I saw the kangaroos and koalas. I loved the koalas so much I went to a wildlife park so I could hold one. That’s what made me go to Adelaide in the first place, it wasn’t really on my radar before that,” she babbled happily.
Tara smiled too; she missed that babble.
“I spent some time farming.”
Willow's head spun around.
“Huh?!”
Tara caressed Willow's little shocked face.
“In exchange for room and board. It was actually pretty fun.”
They spent the next hour catching up on their travels and finishing their meal and just breathing easy again to be back in each other’s presence.
“That is not a real thing!” Willow exclaimed in disbelief as Tara recounted her latest tale.
“It is!” Tara protested adamantly.
“No way,” Willow dismissed, shaking her head.
“Look it up!” Tara demanded, arms folded over her chest and chin raised in challenge.
Willow looked at Tara skeptically and reached for her phone. She unlocked it, launched the browser and started typing into it. Her fingers swiped a few times and then she raised one hand.
“Okay, I will concede that a bush turkey is a real thing,” she replied reasonably, but the grin started to spill out all over her face as she turned her phone to show Tara the picture she’d loaded, “But you’re telling me that THIS is what chased you out into the bush?!”
“Yes!” Tara replied indignantly, “He was vicious!”
Willow broke out in fresh laughter, her arm repeatedly thumping the bed.
“Tara, it says it’s the world’s dumbest bird!” she said, cackling, “A seagull would be more threatening!”
“Shut up, Willow,” Tara replied, rolling her eyes, but it was getting more and more difficult to hide the obvious mirth.
Willow dropped her phone but not her smirk and climbed over Tara.
“Make me.”
Tara balled her fists in Willow’s shirt and pulled Willow on top of her, lying down fully to enjoy the press of her body.
Their lips found each other and Tara’s hands smoothed out between them and found their way to the small of Willow’s back. She easily lifted Willow’s shirt back over her head and rolled them over so she was back on top.
Willow’s hand slid down Tara’s front, popping the buttons and getting it over her shoulders. Tara popped Willow’s jeans and she hadn’t even bothered to put panties back on so one quick tug left her nude again. Willow’s fingers were in the waistband of Tara’s underwear before the last bit of fabric even swiped her ankle and Tara lay down again beside her to kick them off.
She rolled onto her side and pulled Willow to her, moaning from her core when their bare skin touched everywhere. It felt just as electric as the moment she’d first walked in the door.
“Come closer,” she whispered, pulling Willow in by her ass.
“I don’t think that’s possible,” Willow whispered back.
Tara took Willow’s hand and pressed it between her legs.
“It’s possible.”
Willow’s fingers found their place and she heard Tara moan in her ear. Tara’s hand pressed on her thigh and she allowed her legs to open to be taken in the same way.
They’d never tried to do this together this way, and their arms got into a bit of a tangle, but this wasn’t their first game of Twister.
They worked it out wordlessly and moved their bodies against each other slightly clumsily.
“Sorry,” Willow said quietly when her hip bumped Tara’s and her fingers dragged themselves further out.
“I liked it,” Tara returned, smiling against Willow’s lips and feeling an answering smile back.
She purposefully bumped their hips and Willow giggled. Tara’s other hand touched Willow’s face and brought her in to kiss her with the thirst rising in her throat. It slid around to the back of Willow’s neck and held them together, not that Willow had any intention of moving away.
Willow felt Tara’s hips start to really grind into her hand and then that burst of swelling heat she was becoming addicted to. She felt her own thighs become wet with spillage and her eyes shut tight as her stomach knotted.
Tara watched Willow’s chin tremble and how the shaking muscles rose into a nostril flare then a brow lift and finally her whole neck tilted back so sharply she could almost see the moans quiver upward.
She bit inside her lip to try and control the tension but she was too far gone. Her back was arching in seconds as Willow fell into her, panting.
It took Tara another few seconds, but she finally managed to put a lazy arm around Willow and pull her closer.
Willow happily threw her limbs over Tara’s body and rested her cheek on the pillow beside her. She watched Tara’s face, eyes closed and breathing softening, for several minutes; following the few beads of sweat as they faced their journey of oblivion down her brow.
When they’d relaxed completely again, she brought her hand up and curled her fingers around Tara’s hair.
“Hey,” she broached after a few close starts, thankful Tara’s eyes were closed, “We’re… putting it all out there tonight, right?”
“And then some,” Tara chuckled, the laugh reverberating softly through her whole body.
Willow was distracted for a moment as her eyes followed the length of Tara’s body and she quickly pulled the sheet over them. It felt safer somehow like they were in one of the forts they’d built as children.
“Um, can I ask a weird and totally embarrassing question that I’m only asking while I have the feelin’-good nerve?”
Tara glanced over with a curious wrinkle of her forehead and nodded. Willow stalled for a moment, then threw herself onto her back, looking toward the top of the sheet.
“I can’t look you in the eye when I ask this.”
“Oh boy,” Tara replied, her shoulders shifting in an anticipatory brace.
There was another lapse into silence except for the almost audible tension of Willow’s jaw clenching.
“Do I…do I pull a weird face when…” she started her face turning a fresh beet red, “When we’re…”
Her body squirmed uncomfortably.
“WhenIcome,” she rushed out in one breath.
Tara blinked slowly.
“Oh.”
Willow rolled her hands around on top of her stomach, desperately trying not to jump up and hide.
“Someone said I pull a weird face and I’m trying not to be all insecure-y about it, but…”
Tara did a double-take.
“S-Someone said…?” she started, turning her face fully toward Willow, “Wh-Who was watching you…?”
Willow actually returned her gaze to Tara, confused by the question until suddenly her eyebrows popped in surprise.
“Oh, no, god no!” she spluttered quickly, “It was a general discussion, not even a discussion, just a sentence. A joke, really. It was like ‘love is not laughing at your partner’s o-face’ or something. But…well, yours isn’t funny. It’s sexy. So I didn’t get it.”
She closed her eyes and looked away again.
“You know what, never mind,” she said, sitting up and reaching for her water bottle, “Do you want more tea?”
She went about chugging from the bottle until she felt Tara’s hand press up along her spine and curl over her shoulder. She heard Tara’s body scooting up behind her and then felt a kiss on her neck from behind.
“You look hot. You…”
Tara paused and Willow felt hot breath on her ear.
“You coming makes me come.”
Willow felt her mouth go dry and jumped in place when Tara popped a quick kiss on her cheek and fell away back under the covers.
“And anyway, funny can be sexy.”
Willow took a moment to calm herself, smiling widely and finally lay back down beside Tara.
“You’ll have to fill me in on those trailer jokes so I can really try to turn you on.”
Tara turned herself on her side and slid her hand over Willow’s stomach.
“You don’t have to try.”
Willow drew little circles on Tara’s hand.
“Did you get turned on when we were close but before we were ‘close-close’?”
“Did I get turned on when we would touch before we started dating?” Tara translated.
Willow nodded.
“Yes.”
“Of course,” Tara answered honestly.
Willow pursed her lips for a moment.
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Uh oh,” Tara replied with a teasing grin, “Go ahead.”
Willow danced her fingers between Tara’s on her stomach.
“When I was trying to research how to…make you happy,” she said, rolling her eyes at herself and her own coyness, “Um, well, it was really hard to find good information, y’know? And it made me wonder how we…you… define…‘it’.”
She looked over at Tara.
“I feel like we had sex for the first time in Auckland, but we did
stuff before. We…got each other off. Does that count?”
“There was no penetration or oral copulation so it was legally ambiguous,” Tara rattled off quickly.
Willow’s brow knotted.
“That’s a…weird answer,” she said, rolling the words around in her head, “Legally ambiguous? Oral copulation?”
Tara bit her lip.
“I may have checked it out,” she replied quietly, “Just…in case.”
“In case?” Willow prompted, at a loss.
Tara swallowed deeply.
“I-I was 18. You were 17. I worried if your parents found out they might…”
Willow’s eyebrows lifted as far as they could on her forehead.
“Try to have you arrested?!”
Her head sprung back on the pillow.
“Wow.”
Tara started to tense up and avert her gaze guiltily until Willow’s fingers linked with hers.
“You were scared too. Maybe not for the exact same reasons but…”
Willow held their palms together and looked at Tara with regret.
“I’m sorry.”
She lifted Tara’s hand to her mouth to kiss it and Tara pulled her hand back with Willow with it to kiss her properly.
Willow’s hand curved around Tara’s rear and pulled her closer.
Willow giggled as Tara messily kissed her neck. After a moment Tara’s lips fell off at her shoulder and they were both lying there, content.
Willow found Tara’s hand again, just completely addicted to the feeling of their linked fingers, holding each other strongly.
“What was the gay bar like? Is it like The Bronze with rainbows?”
“Not exactly,” Tara laughed softly, “Bright lights. Eccentric art. Lots of poles.”
“Polish people?” Willow asked, confused.
Tara hid her smile in Willow’s neck so as not to seem mocking.
“No, like stripper poles.”
“Oh,” Willow replied, not trying very hard at all to stop the images suddenly flashing through her mind, “I want to go to one. Can we go to one?”
“Sure,” Tara agreed easily, “We could go tonight if you wanted.”
“Do you think they have one here?” Willow asked excitedly.
“A gay bar in Sydney?” Tara asked, smiling kindly, “Yeah, I think so.”
Willow sat right up.
“Let’s do it!”
“Okay,” Tara replied with a chuckle, throwing her legs off the bed, “I need to grab a shower.”
Willow stretched out her legs before standing.
“Okay. I’ll bring our bowls back to the kitchen and get ready. Do you have shampoo and stuff? My little caddy is right there if you want to use it.”
“Thanks, honey,” Tara replied as she got herself ready to head to the showers.
Willow dressed, brought their bowls back to the kitchen, cleaned up and skipped back to the room. She smoothed out the sheet on the bed and hiked her bag up to look through her clothes and what to change into for going out.
She didn’t have a whole wardrobe to choose from like at home but she’d packed with as much variety as possible to suit her for any situation. This, however, was not a situation she’d been in before.
Tara returned in the sweats and t-shirt she’d headed to the showers in with her towel wrapped around her hair.
Willow looked up helplessly from where she had every item of clothing laid out on the bed.
“Help.”
Tara quickly brought the towel from her head while giving her hair a quick shake through it and hung it on one of the three coat hooks on the wall.
She came over to the bed and surveyed the options.
“Okay, strip.”
Willow chuckled goofily.
“Yes, ma’am.”
She undressed down to her underwear and Tara held a few items of clothing in front of her before picking out a pair of dark jeans and a deep purple long-sleeved top with a diamante front.
“Try this?”
Willow put the clothes on and Tara accessorized her with a bright white belt for contrast and a deep silver chain that hung well past her chest. She found the mirror in the closet door and held it open for Willow to check herself in.
Willow looked at her reflection and adjusted the shoulders on her top a little.
“I look okay?”
“I’ll be fighting them off,” Tara promised with a wink and a smile.
Willow ducked her head for a moment and rose it again, smiling softly.
“Should I straighten my hair?”
“If you want to,” Tara agreed readily.
Willow looked in the mirror and her recently-brushed but slightly wavy hair.
“How do you prefer it?”
“I prefer it how you prefer it,” Tara replied, watching Willow watch her own reflection.
Willow glanced at Tara.
“Do we have to play this game? Your opinion is important to me.”
Tara looked a little surprised at Willow not beating around the bush. It wasn’t what she was used to but she appreciated what it meant.
“I like it a little rugged,” she admitted, smiling bashfully, “That kinda sexy bedhead look.”
Willow grinned and threw her head down, shaking her hands through it and then throwing it back.
“Like this?”
Tara laughed and reached out to calm Willow’s hair just slightly, still leaving it tousled and fluffy on her shoulders.
“Yeah, exactly like that.”
Willow looked in the mirror, then at Tara grinning and stuck out her tongue as she grabbed her hairbrush to tame it back down smoothly.
“Hey, I liked it.”
“Well, I prefer to not resemble a lion’s mane,” Willow retorted, sliding the handle of the brush into her pocket.
She secured it so it wouldn’t fall and stepped toward Tara.
“Want me to dry your hair?”
“That’d be nice,” Tara replied softly.
Willow got out the travel-sized blow dryer that she’d picked up in Melbourne when the reality of hostel life really set in.
“Sit here,” Willow guided when she found a suitable outlet near the bed, “Please.”
Tara gathered any hair hidden under the collar of her t-shirt out and brought her hairbrush over to Willow. She sat in front of her at an angle on the bed so her full head was available.
She expected to hear the blow dryer fill the room with white noise, but instead felt Willow’s arm close around her chest from behind and kiss her neck.
“It’s so good to have you back.”
Tara held Willow’s overlapping hands over her collarbone.
“It is so good to be back,” she replied, then threw a warm smile over her shoulder, “With my girl.”
Willow beamed and started kissing Tara’s neck again, who couldn’t help but tilt her neck into it.
“You better stop or we’re never getting out of here…”
“Not the worst fate in the world,” Willow murmured.
Tara angled her neck back enough for Willow to kiss her lips and Willow slowly moved her hands back to Tara’s shoulders, giving them a squeeze before getting back to business and sliding the dial up on the blowdryer.
She ran her fingers through Tara’s hair as she dried it enough to brush through.
They used to do this, a lot. Play around with hairstyles and make-up once they were allowed. Tara had always liked any expression of color and Willow had loved how she made all of her mother’s clothing choices feel unique and fun.
“Tara?” Willow asked as she started to part Tara’s hair in the zigzag pattern Tara had taught her when they were 11.
“Yeah?” Tara replied, enjoying the inadvertent massage she was getting.
Willow noted Tara leaning into her and added some pressure for a real massage.
“Did I ever make you feel excluded when I became friends with Buffy?”
Tara was silent, unreactive at all as she considered her words.
“I was glad you had a friend in school.”
“That’s not what I asked,” Willow replied firmly though her tone was gentle, “A lot of the stuff we used to do together I started doing with her. This kinda stuff. Girly stuff.”
Tara again said nothing for several moments.
“I didn’t feel excluded because you were doing stuff with Buffy,” she answered finally, “I guess I felt a little excluded that you never asked me to hang out with you guys, or even introduced me…but I understand now.”
Willow bent her head down and pressed her cheek to Tara from behind.
“I’m sorry,” she said sincerely, “I’m not just giving you lip service— hey, lip service would be a good name for a lesbian rock band.”
Tara chuckled and Willow smiled at her laugh.
“I’m not trying to beat myself up. I’m just recognizing how I’ve hurt you so I know not to do it again.”
Tara reached behind and stroked Willow’s head.
“I don’t mind you doing girly things with other people,” she said, turning her eye line enough to catch Willow’s gaze, “As long as I’m the only one you do girl
friendy stuff with.”
Willow pecked Tara’s lips sidelong.
“My one and only. Always.”
Tara turned and held Willow in her lap. She kissed her again, smiling into it.
“How should I do my hair?”
Willow brought Tara’s hair forward and ran her fingers through the silken ends. The zigzag had turned into a weird spiral so she shook it out and did a normal part in the middle.
“What are you wearing?”
“You mean you don’t like the sweats and old t-shirt look?” Tara mock-protested.
“I’d love the garbage bag look on you,” Willow replied sweetly.
Tara dropped a kiss on Willow’s cheek and moved them apart so she could pick an outfit. She finally settled on a patterned backless dress with dark oranges and greens with bright yellow tights to contrast; three colors that should probably only ever be seen together on a flag but Tara seemed to own the clash and wear it proudly.
“Those are funky,” Willow complimented the tights, “Hey, together we kinda make a rainbow.”
“Oh, do we?” Tara asked coyly as she pulled on some beat-up sneaks to complete her outfit.
Willow pulled Tara to her by the waist.
“Sneaky, Maclay, sneaky,” she grinned, “You look gorgeous just like that. Don’t change a thing.”
Tara spread both sets of fingers behind Willow’s neck and pulled her in for a kiss. She planned to make up for each and every one she missed. And then some.
“But we have to add a little sparkle.”
A while later they emerged from the room together embellished with some light make-up and a little glitter balm on their cheeks. Willow had opted to give her hair a quick straighten in the end because she thought it looked better with the long sleeves — Tara didn’t try to break down the logic of that one; she still thought Willow looked great.
They approached the hostel desk where two male workers were tossing paper balls into the wastebasket. They stopped when they saw people approaching and one guy stood to help them.
“Hello there. How can I help?” he asked in a Nordic accent.
Willow looked at Tara and then back at him.
“We were wondering…”
She looked at Tara again, who nodded encouragingly.
“If you had a suggestion for a good bar?”
She paused, smiling nervously.
“Of the rainbow persuasion?” she finished with a squeak in her voice.
The worker tossed his gaze to the other very well-groomed guy who slid over in his place. He had a Mexican flag pin on his shirt above a hastily scribbled name tag that said ‘Rafael’.
“I can give you a recommendation but it’s not always like the straight girls expect.”
Willow linked her fingers with Tara’s and brought their combined hands on top of the desk. Rafael smirked.
“Well alright then.”
Primed with a trustworthy rec from someone in the know, they headed out together to walk the city. They were staying near Circular Quay and their route took to the water’s edge, where they could see the Opera House across the harbor.
“God this city is stunning,” Tara commented in awe.
“I hadn’t seen this area yet,” Willow replied in a similar awed tone, “Wow…those angles.”
Tara placed her palm on the small of Willow’s back.
“Are you getting excited by geometry again?” she asked, brushing her fingers at the base of Willow’s spine and making her shiver even through her top, “How did that song we made up go?”
Willow swallowed to get some moisture back on her lips.
“All sides connect, the polygon effect; place your compass on the vertex before you bisect,” Willow half-sang in a very quiet voice so as not to be overheard by anyone else passing by.
Tara brought her hand around to hold onto Willow’s waist.
Willow noticed her casting furtive glances in her direction and realized she was checking for a reaction.
Tara had only put an arm around her shoulders or waist like this in public if it was dark and no one else was around. It was dark, but they were under the bright lights of the city with a lot of people milling about.
To commit to everything had been said, and just because it felt good and she was sick of holding herself back, she leaned her head down on Tara’s shoulder and put an arm around her waist too.
She couldn’t see but could sense Tara’s smile, especially when a kiss was placed on the top of her head.
They strolled down and picked up the buzz of the city, getting a little lost on the way but they hopped on a train to get downtown. Tara had so rarely left Sunnydale growing up, it was so exciting to hop on a tram and be catapulted into such an apex of culture and activity so quickly.
“There it is,” Willow nodded ahead when she saw the name they’d been given lit up in neon against a building across the road.
They hurried across a crosswalk at a break in traffic and joined the line against the red brick wall.
As they shuffled along the line, security signs started to show up adorned along the wall. Willow lifted a finger against one in particular that said ‘No Thongs’.
“Let me tell you, that sign seriously confused me the first few times I saw it. I was doing a mental catalog of all my underwear!”
Tara bit on her bottom lip to stop from laughing too loudly.
“I first saw it at the beach and was alarmed by quite how many people were blatantly disregarding it.”
“Oh, you were scoping out the women in skimpy underwear, huh?” Willow teased.
Tara’s nose scrunched.
“It was mostly men, actually.”
Willow’s nose did similarly and they laughed quietly together.
When they got to the front of the line, the bouncer checked their IDs, gave them the once-over and nodded for them to go inside.
Willow clutched Tara’s arm as if they were entering a haunted house as they passed the coat check and walked through a curtain into the bar.
The décor was purple, the lighting was red and the bar sat in the middle of the floor in an oval shape to serve customers coming in from the dance floor on the right and the various seating areas on the left. Willow only had The Bronze as a reference but it didn’t seem that different, apart from the darker lighting.
That was until a drag queen passed her in six-inch heels adjusting her breasts and Willow started to get a feel for the colorful clientele.
“Excuse me,” she said when Willow stood rooted to the spot.
“Sorry, ma’am,” Willow replied, almost falling off to the side as she tried to jump out of the way.
She realized Tara had moved ahead toward the bar and hurried behind her. She was fascinated as she looked around and saw couples of all descriptions being openly affectionate. There were friend groups and even solo people enjoying a drink but her eyes were hyper-focused to find the female couples. She realized she’d never even seen a gay couple kiss outside of television before.
Amidst her careful but pointed glances, she didn’t notice Tara trying to get her attention until her sleeve was pulled on.
“They have 2-for-1 cocktails, do you want one?”
Willow drew her gaze back to Tara and processed what she said.
“Sure,” she agreed quickly, “Whatever you’re having.”
Tara pointed to a red sofa with a low table in front of it that a group had just vacated.
“Go nab us that couch.”
Willow wandered over and sat on one side of the loveseat. It was soft and had high arms that she could relax back against. She was barely in place when a woman approached from the other side and folded herself effortlessly into the empty half of the sofa.
“Hey there,” she said, tossing her short, dark curls behind her head.
Willow sat up a little straighter.
“Oh, hi.”
While she wondered what the etiquette was on saving seats in Australian gay bars, the other woman rested her head on her palm and smiled at Willow like she’d known her forever.
“I’m Dusk.”
“Dusk?” Willow questioned uncertainly.
“Family name,” Dusk dismissed, “New here?”
“Yeah, uh huh,” Willow replied, adding on sheepishly, “It’s my first time.”
Dusk glanced what looked like toward Willow’s chest but was apparently her empty hand.
“No drink?”
She clicked her fingers which startled Willow for a moment before she could reply.
“Oh, my gir—” she started, but then she stopped short with her eyes widening as another young woman hurried over and handed Dusk a glass of sparkling rosé, “That was…speedy.”
Dusk handed the glass out for Willow to take.
“I believe you should treat a lady like a princess,” she replied with a smirk that Willow had no idea how to place, “And I certainly have no problem with princesses.”
“She’s definitely not a princess.”
Both Dusk and Willow looked up where Tara was standing with a smile on her face and two tall glasses of something red and pretty.
Dusk cocked her head at Tara with a raised eyebrow.
“And you are?”
Tara lifted one finger from her glass and pointed it at Willow.
“Hers.”
Dusk pursed her lips.
“No offense meant.”
“No offense taken,” Tara replied, cordially but pointedly, “She, however, is.”
Dusk stood and flicked her curls again.
“Go shopping in a bargain basket this weekend?”
She moved away while Tara took her rightful seat and handed Willow one of the glasses. Willow looked at Tara expectantly.
“What just happened?”
Tara’s mouth found the small black straw and took a sip from her drink.
“You just got hit on. And I think my fashion sense was insulted.”
Willow’s eyes widened again.
“Me?! I never got hit on in The Bronze.”
“Or maybe you just didn’t notice,” Tara replied and before Willow could reply she leaned over, lifted Willow’s chin with her finger and planted a kiss on her lips.
This was definitely the most populated place and most unambiguous display of affection they’d ever engaged in but all Willow felt was a tingle at the base of her spine that rose through the back of her neck and made their kiss quiver.
Willow felt the air hit her lips as Tara parted from her and only had eyes for her and not to any reaction around them (or non-reaction had she actually looked.)
“That was kinda possessive but totally hot.”
“Mission accomplished,” Tara grinned and sipped on her drink again.
Willow blushed and looked down for a moment before settling back into the sofa. She brought her glass up and pinched the straw to guide it to her mouth.
“She’s nuts if she doesn’t think you’re gorgeous. You even look good in thongs!”
Tara smiled sideways.
“The underwear or the flip-flops?”
Willow giggled under her breath and looked up through her eyelashes.
“Well both but I know which one I’d vote for you to wear,” she bit the corner of her lip and placed a hand on Tara’s thigh, “What’s a princess? I’m sensing it’s not good.”
“It’s short for pillow princess,” Tara explained, putting an arm over the back of the sofa so her hand neared Willow’s head and she could play with the occasional strand of hair, “It’s not necessarily bad, depending on everyone’s expectations. It means you don’t…return the favor. Your head stays on the pillow.”
“And miss out on all the fun?” Willow asked, aghast and Tara laughed.
Willow smiled.
“What is this? It’s good.”
“It’s a Tight Snatch,” Tara replied, deadpan.
Willow choked but covered under the drape of the neon lights and twirled the straw around the glass.
“Dangerously good,” she said, lightly licking her lips and throwing some teasing side-eye in Tara’s direction, “But, then again, you knew that.”
Tara seemed a little shocked and Willow continued to grin.
“You did order them.”
Tara had spent years hiding her blush around Willow; it was still a thrill to be made blush on purpose. She scooted intentionally closer so she could drag her foot along Willow’s lower leg.
“I know what my girl likes.”
Willow leaned back, smiling and had another look around the bar. She saw art and flags and portraits and realized she really did have a lot to learn about this community. She’d always rejected herself so much she’d rejected this too and it sat in her oddly, like if she knew she was Jewish but nothing about the history.
She closed her eyes for a second and had a moment of recognition.
“I know this song. I’ve known a few of the songs that have played. Where have I heard them?”
Tara smirked over her straw.
“I’ve been indoctrinating you in secret for a while now.”
Willow’s mouth dropped in amused shock and she lightly pushed on Tara’s shoulder. Tara laughed and Willow smiled; god how she loved that laugh.
Because I know you're too good to be true I must have done something good to meet you.
“Who is this?”
“The Veronicas,” Tara replied, a pink light hitting her and highlighting her sparkly cheeks, “They’re Australian. Twin sisters. One of them is queer.”
Willow lowered her voice with concern.
“Can we say that? I read that we can but it still feels weird.”
Tara squeezed Willow’s arm softly.
“You don’t have to if you’re not comfortable with it.”
The music coming over the speakers stopped and behind the dancefloor, a guy rocked up to a microphone at the top of the stage while three girls with guitars stood behind him in a triangle formation.
“We’re continuing our locals night with some live music for you all here tonight. Please welcome to the stage our resident band of todger dodgers, Lip Service.”
The bar broke out in applause and the guy left the stage and returned behind the bar while the three ladies started up a high-tempo rock song.
Willow squealed and nearly sloshed her drink everywhere.
“Hey! Hey, I just said there should be a lesbian rock band called Lip Service! And there is!” she exclaimed in thrilled disbelief, “Did you know?”
Tara shook her head, smiling.
“I hadn’t heard of them.”
Willow rocked her shoulders triumphantly.
“I’m getting the hang of this gay thing without even knowing it!”
Exhilarated, she threw the rest of her drink back and offered Tara her hand.
“Wanna dance?”
“I’d love to,” Tara replied without hesitation and sucked the dredges of her glass through the straw before standing with Willow and heading over to the dance floor.
They found a spot and joined hands and started to bop and twirl each other around with the rest of the crowd.
Several songs in as Willow threw her head back in another laugh, she noticed Tara looking down to hide tears that were pricking her eyes. Willow stopped and moved closer, keeping both sets of hands locked.
“Tara?” she asked softly, close enough to communicate despite the loud music.
Tara lifted her gaze and sniffled, her eyes clearly glassy.
“It’s just so nice to see you let yourself be happy.”
Willow squeezed Tara’s hands tight to stop her own sudden burning of tears.
“It’s nice to let myself be happy.”
Her eyes closed and she fought them back, laughing.
“What’s wrong with us; crying at a concert?”
Tara returned the laugh and dropped her hands to Willow’s waist, pulling her in close.
“No more crying.”
She pecked Willow’s lips and took her hand to give her a twirl.
“Shut up and dance with me.”
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So you can expect another chapter Wednesday and then Friday’s as scheduled. I humbly hope that will make up for this little ‘un.
Anxiously awaiting the reunion!!
