All First of all, thank you to everyone who is still reading, waiting for this to be updated, and more importantly, continuing to keep the Pens/Kitten community alive. It means a lot that Pens is still here, and that people still care about this little story.
I’m sorry it has taken so long to update. Life changes and sometimes it takes you away from the things you love in the world, and for me that is this story and sharing it on Pens. I have been writing since I last updated, but my original work has sweet-talked me away from fanfiction for the most part. And while writing original stuff has been fun, I miss the conversations here, and I miss Willow and Tara, so I’m super chuffed to get back to Neverland.
Things I have learned about myself since the last update:
1) I was a better writer in my 20/30s. It is amazing how much better. But that is what comes with having the room to think and wonder and create on a whim. I can’t do that now, my kids are “high-spirited”, and there are days when figuring out what to make for dinner is a cognant enough thought.
2) I was a worse writer in my 20/30s. Too many words. Way too many words. Hopefully the improved economy of my current writing style won’t be too noticeable, or jarring if it is noticed.
3) I want to finish this story. I have the last scene written already, and many in between. I just need the time and mental space to stitch them together into readable chapters.
4) I don’t know how long it will take. I know better than to make promises with writing. So I won’t. I’ll just repeat my hope, my wish, that I finish while there is at least one person who still cares to read.
5) It will feel different than the first section. Remember when I said I was wordy earlier? The rest of this story won’t be every detail of the rest of their shown time. I had always intended it to be that way, however, I’m worried the previous detail combined with my long absence will make some think the ending is rushed. So here I am, the writer, sharing my intent as context; it won’t be rushed, though it may seem that way, because that’s what I think a relationship is like. Everything before you get together is agonizingly analyzed, and then once you’re together time can feel like a blur. The rest of this might seem like a blur, days and moments floating by, and for me as a writer that is intended. Whether it is enjoyable or satisfying is up to you, the reader.
So on with the replies and the update. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who loves this story. Words can’t describe how much it means to me that I’ve gotten to share this with you.
JustSkipIt Thank you so much. This last one definitely was more challenging, both in the subject matter they covered and how they navigated moving from tentative almost lovers to lovers/confidants, and in writing it because it felt unwieldy and huge. They definitely have a lot to get through, history, confessions, etc. Thanks re: their intimacy. It felt right for them to have that, that they’ve worked hard to build a friendship that would give their sex life another layer. Going from memory it was like a week and a half ago, and too funny about arinca. I don’t know if it’s just life with kids or what but I’m always bruised and it feels like they take forever to disappear. I imagined that the one on Willow’s leg was very faded, only someone looking for difference, etc would notice. Re: Tara asking about Willow’s outness, that seemed very necessary given her own grappling with whether she could go back in the closet, to a degree, if it meant being with a closeted-Willow. Haha re: food. More on that soon, but I think it was safe to say they’re going on adrenaline in that last update. I agree that they’re going to have to just let things go over and over again. Their lives are layered w/ experiences, and those experiences have colored how they see each other. Time to strip them away and see things new. I think your view of Buffy is pretty spot on. She’s angry, but most of all she’s hurt and confused, and I think she’s going to Xander to help explain what happened and why she wasn’t included. Thanks so much Deb, always a pleasure to read your thoughts and perspective on things! Hope you like the next bit.
kimmy_s Hi Kim! Haha re: I Love Yous - nobody could blame you.
Glad you liked Willow’s realization about Tara being her gf and you’re too right, Anya is not Willow’s fav. Also glad you liked Willow’s insistence that she’s out everywhere. Seemed v important for both of them that it was said, you know? Thanks re: the sunshine line. That’s one of the few lines where I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I wrote it, so it’s special to me. Glad it stood out for you. Thanks re: the pace. That last chapter was difficult, but necessary to get through so they could be one more equal footing. Hope you like the next bit! (And tooooooooooo funny, your sig!)
zampsa19752001 Thanks so much! I’m glad you like that they’re talking through everything. Hope you enjoy the next update.
branny72 Thank you very much. I’m glad you thought their closeness and honesty was touching; that means a lot, truly. And more on them interacting with others in an update or two. (Including, head-out-of-ass Buffy
). Hope you like the next part.
Grimm Forgiveness is mine!
Thank you so much, I really, really appreciate it! I’m so glad you think the pay off is worth it. I’m also glad that you thought the last update had the right amounts of everything. It was a really tricky chapter to navigate, because it had such heavy elements. “World Wide Willow” might be one of my favorite comments of all time - thank you, thank you for that. So funny, I may have chortled. Glad you like that Buffy and Xander are going to work things out and that you liked the painting’s name; just couldn’t be anything else, as Tara said. Hope you like the next bit and thanks again.
writerfreak Thank you so much. I’m really glad that you liked the talking, etc.
Hope you enjoy the next part!
wayland Wow, thank you very much. I’m truly humbled by your super kind words. Thanks for sharing about the kind of fic you usually read vs. how you see this story. I totally agree that this is the beginning of their journey together, even if it’s almost the end of Neverland as a story, so there’s a lot for them to go through before they can be in a balanced relationship. I’m glad you liked that Tara admitted her feelings about Xander. I thought that was necessary for her to get off her chest so that Willow could understand her experience better (because their relationship isn’t going to be very successful if Willow can’t see what the last three years were like for Tara). And yes, Buffy and Xander have to hash things out in person. They have had a really rough few years, but they love each other and need to work things out face-to-face. I just couldn’t imagine Buffy sulking in her apartment. Thank you re: Willow thinking about her mom/her mistakes. Willow hasn’t had a chance really to process anything, so it’s going to hit her in waves, I think.
Re: the story developing, no problem. I’m always happy to talk about what went into making this story because I find the reflection really instructive. My writing training more-or-less has been self-taught, trying to get better at the craft (wasn’t an English major, have never taking a story writing/creative writing class) so how this story has come into being feels like a miracle most of the time. I wish I could say that yes, I did have an arc planned, but I truly didn’t, not for the longest time. (Until after Willow was staying home, I think.) And even now, I have an idea for how I want it to end but ugh, I have no idea how many updates it’ll take to get there. It’s just a fuzzy target in the future.
And thank you re: the offer of feedback for future works. That is so, so kind. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll take you up on it. Thanks again Clare, hope you enjoy the next update.
Will’s redemption Thank you for the bananas! My oldest son saw them over my shoulder and said “silly bananas!” And no worries for not commenting, I’m truly happy that you read and enjoyed.
I hear you about the emotional rollercoaster; it felt that way writing it. And wow about needing a break to go for a walk. I absolutely will take it as a compliment, and I’m deeply humbled by it. I’m glad you felt that Willow’s self-reflection was in character. She seems like that kind of person that when she does look inward she can fall down a hole of her own making. Thanks for sharing the passages you though were affecting. When I think about their relationship, that’s the kind of care I think about, of them having each other’s backs. And thanks re: Shakespeare - no death in this story, it’ll have a certified happy-Pens ending. (And interesting about the epilogue, I have one planned but not that far in the future.) Thanks so much and please enjoy the next bit! (And thank you for being persistent with the comments hoping for an update. Warms the heart.)
KirbyPaint I did update! And then I disappeared forever! But now I’m back! Thank you very much. I’m glad you came back to check on the story, and yay for the song nudging you to check the board! I’m also glad you enjoyed the updates. Re: Tule Fog, check Islev18's comment - link to the song I think.
Hope you like the next bit and thanks again.
lavenderangel Aw to super teary. I know what you mean though; I’ve innocently read fic at an odd hour and found myself a mess of emotions too many times to count. Thank you for thinking that the conversations were authentic. It was so dense to write that I worried that it would be too much, but then, every time I tried to omit something it felt wrong. Like of course these two people, after all they’ve been through, would want to be honest with each other as soon as possible. You’re right that they realized that love was the most important thing; I think that’s true of any successful relationship. I’m glad you also liked that they didn’t know how to comfort each other, because, why would they, you know? They’re new friends, much less new girlfriends, those things take time. Thank you re: the last scene, that’s so super kind. Re: Tara pushing Willow - you’ll have to wait and see. That’s a tricky thing in any relationship, and they’ll need to navigate how to get the other to open up, etc. Thank you so much for the kind words, I really appreciate it. Enjoy the next part.
loislane1 Seriously, with how long I take to post, never, never, NEVER apologize for taking a few days to come and leave feedback!
I’m glad that you felt the density was good. It’s always hard to judge when writing because it often feels like too much, but as I mentioned above when I tried to cut some stuff it just didn’t feel right. Yay to liking Buffy and Xander’s interaction. Seemed like how it would go, haha. I agree that the face-to-face conversation, while rough, will likely go a long way to fix things between them all. More on that soon. Totally agree about walking on a sword’s blade; they have baggage galore and will need to not get caught up in it while also admitting that it still informs them. I think it was important to clear up what that day three years ago was like for each of them, so glad you agreed.
Also glad you liked Willow thinking about her mom; she has ultimate happiness and profound sadness happening simultaneously and that’s going to be hard to deal with. And all good questions - more on all soon! Thanks so much and please enjoy the next update.
pipsberg First, STAHP, your face is with the sappy compliments. (And I stick by the “hotter than Neko Case” statement, so there.) And second, thank you re: being a good feedback responder. To quote Shirley from Community, “That’s nice.” Glad you liked the Oprah note, and holy bullet point list. It feels super indulgent to respond to each of them, so I’m just gonna blush and say thanks. I’m so glad you think their first time was on point, that means a lot. Thanks so much for the little string of emoticons. Re: the Xander/Buffy showdown… so sorry to disappoint but that’s more of a ‘Buffy’s gonna recap it to the gals’ sorta thing. It feels weird to go so far away from Willow and Tara for that conversation, you know? And I like the idea of Willow and Tara never really knowing the truth of what goes down, just the aftermath. I’m glad you liked the post-sex talking. It felt important. They’re friends, so I think it would have been weird if they didn’t talk. I’m glad you thought it was good that they talked about what they wanted, sexually. Again, I think it goes back to them being friends. Again the big bullet list, and again I say thanks and blush! I think it was important for Willow to start to face her conversation with her mother. She’s put it off for so many years, I don’t think she can put it off any longer. I have no idea how much longer this story will go, as well. I don’t think it will go much, much longer; it doesn’t have another 70-something updates, that’s for sure. I think it would be nice to get to “THE END” though. Thanks again for the emoticons and the lovely kind words and for being you, you lovely, lovely woman. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
fineartsmajor Sorry to read you had a rough couple of months, way back when. Hoping all is better now! Thank you very much for complimenting my writing, that means the world, truly. /blush And thanks re: delivering. That is super nice to read because I was super nervous about how the last three or four updates would be received. I’m glad you felt their coming together was organic and truthful, that’s a super compliment. I’m glad you think they’re still “them” for lack of a better descriptor. I want to make sure that just because they’re together they don’t lose what makes them each individuals. Thanks re: the love scenes. It felt right that they’d need to “learn” each other. I’m glad you thought the realism of their situation works; it would be really weird if now that they’re together Willow suddenly doesn’t care about what her mom or Buffy thinks or that Tara’s not still super stressed about her show. And I don’t know how close we are to the end. I have a general idea of where it’s going but am completely unsure about how long it’ll take to get there (both in updates and actual writing time). Thanks Andi, really appreciate it. Hope you enjoy the next part.
WillowRulez Thank you so much for the incredibly kind words; I’m glad the update made you happy. I’m glad you liked that they talked as well as… well, you know. Seemed more real that way. Hope you enjoy where it goes from here and thanks again!
love_2003 Thank you, so much. I’m glad you liked how they’re talking. I think that’s such an important part of how their relationship evolved from a friendship. As I mentioned in a reply above, no Xander/Buffy talk, but Willow and Tara will get snippets of what they talked about in future updates. Hope you like the next part and thanks gain.
truck_driving_magic_mama I feel like we need to have a rule, kind of like Fight Club? First rule of Neverland comments: No one apologizes for taking a long time to leave feedback because the writer takes for flipping ever to update.
Re: yearning, grief and emptiness - I totally understand. Thank you so much for sharing it in a way that made sense to me.
I agree about Tara, and I think you’ll see her more confident self emerge. I think she was so blindsided by Willow’s declaration and then their lovemaking that she’s been on her heels, in a way. Hopefully as the story culminates they’ll get a little equilibrium and balance. Thank you also for sharing the lovely poem. “In the long grass of routine,” is a lovely image. Thank you once again and hope you like where the story goes from here. (Provided you are still around to read it lo these many years gone.) Oh, oh, and how did the re-watch of Buffy go? No Xander/Buffy, but yes there will be a gallery scene at some point. Thanks again Melissa!
DaddyCatALSO I totally understand that selfish feeling - hopefully this next update and any future ones will answer some lingering questions about what they are like now that they are together.
Okay, so, I’m going to admit that you’ve left so many thoughtful comments and I am a disorganized mess, so please excuse me if I miss replying to something that you’ve brought up. Totally not intentional, just really not great at keeping track with multiple comments after a while.
“Sorry, Buf, technically you have a right to feel hurt. But practically, it never could have happened, and you need to understand that.” Yeah, this pretty much. I think one day Buffy will understand, it will just take some time. And those three girls love each other - I really could never imagine a time when they didn’t resolve this hurt, you know? As for Buffy and Xander, their resolution is not going to be written, sadly. It just doesn’t feel like it has a place in this story, which has been, with the exception of one or two scenes, purely Willow or Tara focused. I do think the Buffy/Xander discussion will be dealt with… hopefully in a way that makes sense. And WOW, thank you for sharing the description of the tree in bloom w/ the dandelion. Forget Neverland-Tara, I want to paint that. It sounds incredible. Thank you so much for sharing, and for sharing how you connected it to Neverland. I am seriously blushing. Thank you. (And holy crap, I had no idea the story was that long. I think my gravestone will probably read: EasierSaid - She was prolific.
)
Fall3nang3l2006 “Years in the making” - A DECADE PLUS in the making even! /hides face in shame at my ridiculous slow writing. Thank you for the thank you. I appreciate you appreciating my persistence. I love this story. I want to finish it. I just have a tremendously different life now than I did when I started it! Patience, though. I will finish. It might not be pretty or as in depth as it was to this point, but it will finish. Hopefully before my kids to to college. (Though them going to college will free up a LOT of writing time.) Yes to Coldplay’s “The Scientiest” - I see that. Thank you so much. Hopefully you’ll like where it goes from now if you’re still reading.
histchic So, I’m blushing right now. Thank you for the incredibly kind words. “What about Neverland?” is like the thing that is in the back of my brain, always, and I think it will be until I finally slap a “THE END” on my last post. Thank you re: making the characters relatable. That is incredibly rewarding to read. I like Oz. I didn’t want him to be a bad guy, I didn’t want anyone in this story to be bad guys. I’m also glad you liked Marissa and Michelle speculating about Willow. Isn’t that what friends are for, haha. Thanks re: Willow and Tara having the hard conversation. There’s no way they can move forward if they don’t, you know? And no, no spinning off this story forever haha. I just want to finish this part of their lives and free them to go live their lives beyond in the ether.
Thank you so much and hope you get a chance to read the resolution.
YellowQuirkyTeacup Thank you so much for sharing how “the paint on the toes” felt to read. That was really wonderful to read. And yay for great sex, haha. Re: the Xander and Buffy showdown, sadly, that’s all we’re going to see but Tara and Willow will hear about it second hand and hopefully that’ll be enough. And genius? Pffft. Thanks for reading my words!
MochaVamp No, please, no talk of owing feedback. I’m just glad you dropped in.
“Nerves, lust and love” pretty much nails it on the head, thank you so much for articulating that. No Buffy/Xander showdown, but Willow and Tara will hear about it second hand and hopefully the way that’s done will be revealing in its own way. Thank you so much for reading, I really appreciate it.
HanShotFirst Your name still makes me smile every time I see it - he did shoot first!
Thank you so much for the kind words. I’m so glad you liked the updates.
taranwillow4ever I’m so sorry that was your coming out script; I think that it probably is what a lot of people’s coming outs sounded like, sadly. Thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate it!
Wicca Ness I’m so glad randomly thinking about Willow and Tara brought you back to this little corner of the Internets! So crazy about your ages; I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed reading it over the years, and how crazy to hear that you feel like you’ve grown with the story… though, so have I, so…
I think that’s been the coolest part about writing this story, feeling like I was a part of a community that was growing and changing around this one OTP. Kinda neat. I’m really pleased that you like the last few updates. I don’t know that we’ll see a talk between Willow and her mom, however, I wouldn’t be surprised if one was referred to later? Soon but not too soon is like, my wheelhouse.
Thank you for all of the kind words, I really appreciate it.
EndlessDestiny “I cannot believe, after all this time, that this fic isn’t dead.” WORD. I can’t believe it either, but here we are!
That is bananas that you found a comment posted under another name from 10+ years ago. Time has no meaning! That is awesome that you’re working on original stories. I hope it is going well for you. Thank you for the kind words; really means a lot.
jayelle13 “Getting desperate” is like this fics mantra. And coping? There is no coping, just the wait for the sweet release of dea- er, updates.
Thanks for binging and commenting!
Archwaykitten I love that you felt jerked around, took a break, then came back to only feel stuck again. I mean, I don’t LOVE it, I just can relate, SO. HARD. Ain’t that the WORST?! So sorry to be the cause. I’m glad you think the waiting is infuriating and its charm. I can’t think of a truer statement. Thanks so much!
smileintheether I am so relieved to read that you thought the culmination of all of the near misses didn’t disappoint. Thank you, so much. Thank you also for the high praise about the realness; that means so much. I try really hard to remember that every character in the story is the main player in their own story and not just there to further other character’s plots. And re: Willow and Tara talking through their what was going on between them; it felt necessary. I can’t imagine them just falling into bed without talking. Thank you for sharing how your life has changed since you’ve been reading Neverland. I am THRILLED that you’ve married your best friend - ISN’T THAT THE BEST!!??! So, so, incredibly happy for you. Thank YOU for staying dedicated to Neverland. Boy that just means the most. (And so sorry for the lengthy delay to the next update. Having kids is a LOT harder than I thought it would be, haha.)
SylverMake Trust, more to come (just you know, not a ton). Hope you find resolution in the next few updates. Thank you!
Setton Are you 26 and in a relationship? Enquiring minds want to know! Hope you enjoy the next bit if you’re still frequenting this corner of the World Wide Web.
ekos I love, love, love people who have discovered this story 75 chapters in and have binged the whole thing. You lucky duck! I’m sure there are a bunch of old timers who will tell you stories of the pain involved in waiting for updates.
Very cool that you are a Black Keys fan; so much to love. Thank you for sharing about your girlfriend and what Your Hand In Mind means to you. Music is a salve. I’m glad you know it, and hopefully my including it here will give it a happy connotation. Thank you for reading.
ladyluv585 I love getting caught up on stories that have new updates that I didn’t know about - I’m glad you got that same feeling here! I really, really appreciate your kind words. Seriously, wow, I’m blushing. Thank you for sharing and hopefully you’ll boomerang back here to read the rest, you know, whenever I finally finish this bad boy! Thanks Nikki!
catmillakarnstein Catmilla - I see what you did there! I love that little show. Did you watch Season 3? The movie? How fun to have a Carmilla fan commenting. And welcome (almost 2+ years later lol) to the Buffy fandom. Never to late to love one of the best shows to ever air, IMHO. And seriously, someone on Tumbler was talking about this little ol’ story. I don’t think Tumbler was even a thing when I started writing Neverland! Thank you for the tremendously kind words about trusting that I’ll finish. You know, it means so much because there are days when my kids are crazy and life is hard and I just YEARN to write, but can’t… and knowing that someone other than me wants to see this story end, too, means a lot. So, thank you. Thank you also for sharing how the story made you feel. That is just high praise and I’m blushing. Thank you V, truly. Hopefully you’ll be around to read whatever comes next.
CrazyTaraWitch Thank you for sticking with this story for six+ months! Thank you for sharing how you experienced the story’s fits and starts. I’m glad you’re looking forward to what life will be like for them now they’re together. I’m looking forward to that, too! Re: Buffy and Shelia; I think a lot of people thought they were either going to be, “surprise, I’m super supportive!” or cartoon bad guys. I wanted something a little in between, something a little more in keeping with some of the struggles people I have known experienced coming out. Hopefully how it plays out with both of those characters w/ Willow and Tara throughout the rest of the story will ring true. And PFFFT, you do so have intelligent commentary. Emotional intelligence is awesome, and I appreciate you sharing your feelings. Thank you so much.
bloodynails Thank you so much for sharing that link, what absolutely beautiful art. And, thank you for breaking through your shyness to comment - I so appreciate it!
Please enjoy what’s to come if you’re still around!
AmbeRocks Okay, so first, how was your trip? And second, jeeeeeeez, I’m blushing to my roots. Thank you, so much, for the incredibly kind words. I’m seriously just… speechless. I appreciate that you’ve been reading for so long, that you’ve been commenting so long, just, wow, thank you. I love that you got to binge those 10 chapters, and I love that you stayed up late to read them. I think that’s been described as “ficsomnia” and I have had that, though not for many years. I am so glad you liked the park part. I know a lot of people were like, “c’mon!” but am relieved that you think it worked. I think it was important to see that it was a lightening bolt moment for Willow. And, it was just a ton of fun to write. I cringe now that you say don’t wait 5 years to help fix the coming out stories’ hurt… cause it’s been 2+ and counting, haha. Oh, life, you jester you. Hopefully little by little we’ll chip away at that. I am tremendously happy that you liked how Willow and Tara came together. I mean, wow, blushing again. Thank you, so much. I owe YOU a big thank you. You guys, you long time readers, you new readers, all of you who take the time to comment and let me know that you’re reading - I mean, there are no words for how much it means. How can I let this story die when we’re all in this together? And wow to this story making you feel like love was possible again. This story brought me love, my real-life true love for all time, so if anyone else gets a little of that glow from my writing… that just makes me really happy. Thank you so much. Hope you will still be around to read “THE END.”
fornitking Haha to needing a new screen name because it’s been so long. Oh man, that’s been my biggest fear that I won’t remember how to long in to finish updating this story. Thank you for the encouragement and for reading. It is so appreciated!
KnightlyLove No, not done yet, but the end is certainly getting closer. Thank you so much for sticking with the story - really appreciate it!
melschilling Wow, thank you for signing up to leave a comment (stick around, read some other stories, there are some truly brilliant ones here!), and wow to binging! Thank you for the kind words, it means so much. Hope you will like the rest.
Wild Sage /blushes profusely. Wow, thank you so very much, and thank you for commenting. Hope you enjoy the next bit.
BlindWTFan Juuuuuust a little catching up.
Hope you like the next update.
DarkWiccan /profusely blushes again. Thank you so much for the incredibly kind words, and of course, for the sheep emoji. Re: your observation about the music lining up - I’d love to quote Lin Manual-Miranda and say “Chess not checkers!” however I am not that smart haha. If it lines up it’s a) pure coincidence, b) subconscious because I may have been listening to the song while writing the piece, c) probably a coincidence.
Thank you for noticing though! That is the coolest thing about Pens, and fanfiction readers in general - the level of attention to detail and care in commenting is off the charts! Thank you for re-reading, and for leaving a comment. I appreciate it. Hope you like the next part and thanks again.
Mrs. Pineapple Of course I remember you; your comments (along with all the long time readers) over the years have helped me see the story in different ways and for that I’m super grateful. (Didn’t you have a blog about words and how their definitions related to your writing life? Apologies if not, but I loved that blog and was sad to see it end. If it was you and you ever decide to start writing online again, please let us know!) I am so glad you got to go to the Bay Area, and congratulations on being able to study at Cal! You must be a smart cookie, and a very good writer!
If you don’t mind sharing, are you pursing a career as a novelist? I am so glad you got to spend some time in Golden Gate Park as part of your time in the Bay Area. That is one of my favorite places on the planet, and I love that so many readers have gone there and gotten to experience it. Thank you re: the descriptions of the city, that really means a lot. I love that you thought of them being in GGP, experiencing it as well. That’s one of the fun parts of life, experiencing our fictional lives, the lives in our heads, and then placing them in the real world. (Does that make sense?) I love that felt that way and am grateful that you shared it with me. Thank you. Hope you like the next bit and please, don’t be a stranger!
Tigerkid14 Thank you so much for sharing that you introduced a friend to Kitchens of Distinction! Never in a million years did I think that the music in the story would wind up as something important to other people, but I am so glad it did. I’m really glad you enjoy the music! Hope you enjoyed the last few updates, and that you enjoy where the story goes from here. Thanks!
Islev18 Holy… Wow, a playlist, that is so cool. And how did you find Charmless’s “Tule Fog”?!?! Did the band really send you the track? That’s… woooooooooow. Totally blown away. Thank you for putting this together and posting it. Seriously. Hope you like the next bit.
shirrey Yup, Islev18 is a rock star!
Abana Wow. You know, this story is mumblemumble years old and I still can’t believe people have read it, much less RE-READ it. Thank you so much, I’m glad it’s one of your favorites, that is… flattering doesn’t cover it. Thank you. Enjoy the next part!
PalomaMartinBR Holy meteor collision, Paloma!
That is a lot of feedback - I am so impressed and wow’d. Thank you. In order of answer for the first: a) 20+ chapters of feedback is daunting, and I so, so, so appreciate that you decided to comment. b) I am sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to everyone’s comments. I never want anyone to feel ignored, but it always has felt unfair to reply without an update. Please know I have read everything and appreciate every word anyone has left for me. c) Girl, you win the gold for these long replies via cellphone. I can barely type a text and have it turn out readable. d) I am so sorry about your real life situation. That must have been incredibly difficult. I’m glad that you were able to work things out, but I’m sorry you had to go through some dark times to get on the other side. e) Parts are good! I’ll do the same, just in paragraphs. Let’s do this!
Thank you re: the writing being real, and again sorry it hit a little too close to home. I’m glad you had someone to talk to. I’m glad you felt that the mundane was important. I think that’s what it’s like when you’re unsure of someone, you look at things that otherwise you would have overlooked in a different way. And yay for psychology at university - that’s awesome. Human interaction is fascinating, I agree. And comments are gift enough - it is very, very satisfying to know people have read what I’ve written. I mean that sincerely. Neverland has always been about sharing, sharing with the reader, learning from the reader. I appreciate what you’ve done with your comments so, so much. I feel like this story is everything that it is because of the comments over the years. I know a lot of my writing has been informed by the observations people have shared with me here, and that is a huge gift, the ability to improve and hone my voice based on feedback. I never take it for granted. It is one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received, you all as readers sharing with me. And Paloma, 14! I feel ancient!
My boys are both wonderful kids, both in school, so yes, a lot has changed. Thank you for sharing how you found Pens; I’m always interested in that.
I’m glad you liked that Morgan was respectful. My mantra with this story has always been, these are good people at their cores. I didn’t want anyone to be, “the bad guy”, I think you can have compelling stories with the drama coming from very human mistakes. Haha I don’t have plans to put Morgan with anyone, but if having her end up with the waitress is a good thing, we can say that it happens.
I’m glad you liked Tara’s transition from “I can’t stay it out loud” to “I have to or I’ll burst”. And yes, you can be considered an old timer. I think everyone is at this point, haha. And when I finish, I will post a badge - you all can have it be your profile pics for a month or something to show you did it, you read the whole thing, you waited years and years and made it to the end.
I agree that “what would she do if Willow’s not what she was setting herself up to be” was a maddening thought for Tara. I think that doubt lives on in her, in a small way as their relationship starts and that it will be a tough thing to shed. Yes to face-to-face conversations, though I admit I came out on IM once upon a time and the world didn’t end. But for Willow, face-to-face was important to her. And the flinch - brutal, I know. Thank you re: the title. I don’t know that I thought of the explanation before writing the fic; maybe a vague notion, it’s been so long I can’t remember. I may have answered better in a previous reply some time long long ago. If anyone knows, please share what I thought haha. Your reaction to the park was what I feared when I decided to go with the park, but it felt so necessary to slow down and go back to the happiness. Because without the happiness what was the point of them trying to figure each other out? Tara loved Willow from that day, and having that as a touchstone felt really important.
Go Taylor Swift and her song relating to the story!
That’s very cool. I’m glad you liked the rest of their time in the park/SF. I’m also glad you liked Riley; I wanted him to be likeable in this fic. I’m glad you liked the Real Me description. That was a tough one because describing music, and how music can make one feel, is often a really bad idea. Because it is so subjective… but I wanted to know how Tara felt in that moment, so.. went for it. Glad you thought it worked. Thank you re: part 68. It really means a lot that you think it conveyed the emotion well. Isn’t that the crazy awesome thing about fiction? Here is this person, who doesn’t exist, yet we get to experience her emotions with her as a community. Writing and reading is rad.
And Shelia - oof, am I right? I think how readers react to her kind of goes in part with how their own coming out went, what their own fears about coming out were/are. I think Shelia has her idea of what life is supposed to be like and Willow coming out deviated from her vision; that created a kind of cognitive dissonance that she couldn’t in that moment reconcile and she freaked. I am sorry if it touched on personal issues. The downside of fiction, the highlighting of things that are painful.
AWOL - Absent Without Leave. It’s a military term that has seeped into pop culture, basically means that you’ve disappeared without anyone knowing why, where, etc. Sorry if I don’t reply to some of the more personal questions - I’m a super private person and I don’t usually like to share. But to be general, I’m old, or at least, old in Internet years haha.
I was in my 20s when I started writing Neverland. I’m so glad like Michelle. She’s peppy! I wanted to have some energy and she fit the bill. Hardest to write in this fic… Hmm… I think it’s not a thing but the overall consistency. I like to write in layers, and sometimes my inability to describe things as completely as I’d like is frustrating. Sometimes I’d really like to be able to write Neverland quickly, but the way I’ve written it in the past demands a lot of self-editing and that can be tough. I am rarely satisfied with what I post; I get amazing feedback and the thing I see in my own writing is ways it can be better. So that’s hard. I am so glad you liked how their declaration of love came about. That means a lot.
I’m glad that you feel like your feedbacks are windows that show how much you’ve changed. That is awesome, a great attitude. And congrats for getting through the whole thing! (Love the emoticons.) And don’t make it into a book, there are too many typos and cringe-worthy passages, haha! But thank you, the sentiment means a lot. It is often overwhelming how this little thing I’ve written seems to have hit home with people. I don’t think it will ever sink in, to be honest. I look at my own writing and see so many flaws; that others see something else is really humbling. And a virtual hug of appreciation is very welcome, virtual hug bag for reading, commenting and sticking with this story. (And no third kid, just two that often times feel like twenty.) Thank you, Paloma, for the massive feedback and for the obvious care you put into your words and thoughts. I am blown away and very grateful. I hope you like the next update and thank you again.
She Bopp Thank you for the lovely comment. I will admit to tearing up a little bit! I am thrilled that the story feels like an old friend’s home - what a wonderful description. I am ecstatic that this story helped “shake off the last death rattle of gay shame” you had in your life. I am so happy for you. Living in SF (the DREAM!) with a partner that you get to talk Buffy with—I mean, is there anything better? I am happy that Neverland could be a little voice inside your head that helped you do awesome things for yourself. What a wonderful gift you’ve given me by sharing that here. Thank you and please enjoy the next update.
NorthernLass That is amazing that you were able to read this as one big block - I think there are a few old timers who suffered through years of updates who are a little envious! I appreciate you giving this forever unfinished fic (hopefully not really but dang it feels that way sometimes) a go. I hope you enjoy the next bit and thanks again.
ssc1980 Hey, we have the same anxiety, haha! Thanks for the comment - I do hope you like the next update.
ImTheOtherOne I third!