WRITER: Laragh
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: A chance meeting leads two girls to whirlwind day and a promising future.
DISCLAIMER: Willow, Tara and any other characters from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer franchise belong to Joss Whedon, FOX, ME (who is not me) and others. You can click on the picture to read it better.
SPOILERS: Minor references to the show and stealage of dialogue, but nothing that would spoil the series.
~
Tour De Chance ~
“Here we are. University Square, South Garden.”
Willow stepped out of the taxi into the fresh spring air, which seemed cleaner somehow than the air she was used to.
She passed some cash through the window, accidentally giving a very generous tip as she was distracted by the architecture of the buildings surrounding her.
She’d seen them many times in pictures; old, new and the ones she made up in her head when she was really young and first heard stories of the place. The university had been the number one school on her list since she knew what college was; when her grandparents would regale her with tales of how they met.
Witnessing her own parent’s fractured marriage, her Bubbe and Zayde’s Love Story had been a bright spot in her life and thus, the college at which theirs had begun became a beacon of hope.
She knew she bordered on delusional about how great the place was, but the hope had gotten her through her awkward teenage years and grandparents’ deaths and it was what brought her here today to finally tour the place she’d heard so much about.
She took a moment to take it all in from her vantage point in front of the courtyard. It was as big as she imagined, as old and as picturesque. She’d actually been preparing herself that it could never look as good as it did in the pictures, but it did.
The buildings looked like they could crumble yet stood proudly as a frame for the perfectly maintained courtyard. The grass was a lush green, there were trees planted firmly and added color to their surroundings. Not one bench or stone wall was out of place, sitting in well-placed symmetry.
Willow wandered onto the grass and just stood, doing a full 360° turn, gazing upwards. She remained planted in her own awe until she suddenly felt a projectile of some sort slam into her gut. Her arms instinctively went around her stomach and she looked down in confusion at the plastic disc lying at her feet.
“Toss it back!”
Willow looked up and saw two guys several feet away, looking at her expectantly. She finally figured out that they wanted their Frisbee back. She picked it up and tried to sail it over to them, but it veered left as far as it possibly could and ended up behind her.
Her cheeks flamed as the boys glanced at each other, and that was before she even heard them mutter ‘dork’ as they passed.
Okay so college is exactly like high school after all.She took one strap of the backpack slung over her shoulder firmly in her hand and brought her phone out to pull up the map of where she needed to go.
She walked to the other end of the courtyard where a signpost told her she was at the right spot. She stayed there for a moment, glancing around at the people passing by, coming to and from classes. Just to her side was an enclosed stone wall with grass inside and a tall tree lending cover, which looked comfortable to sit on.
Sitting against the trunk of the tree was a young woman with her legs stretched out and earbuds in her ears, listening to music from an old school iPod. Willow couldn’t help notice the way her blue eyes caught the hues in the sky and sparkled. She quickly looked away lest she be accused of staring and moseyed over to sit on the wall.
A minute or so passed and she was getting antsy, so she swung her backpack around to get her notebook out and ready to write down everything she was told. As it came around to her, it knocked into the girl sitting behind her and sent her iPod flying through the air to land on the grass.
Willow leaped up, eyes wide.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”
She plucked it from the grass, marginally missing standing on the earbuds, and bundled it all to shove into the girl’s hands.
“I-It’s okay,” she replied, eyes forgiving as her lips quirked into a shy crooked smile. “S-Some people have said they’d like to destroy my music collection but no one’s ever actually tried.”
Willow would have been mesmerized by that smile if she hadn’t been too busy freaking out.
“I’m just, I’m a klutz, I’m so sorry! Is it okay? I’ll buy you a new one!”
“Don’t worry, it’s taken worse t-tumbles than that,” the other girl reassured, then held out an earbud for Willow to listen and hear for herself, “See? A-All good.”
Willow cautiously sat back down and held the earbud to her ear. She smiled in relief as the clear music played out.
“What are you listening to? It’s a cool song.”
The other girl seemed reticent as she answered, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.
“Tegan and Sara?”
Willow nodded.
“I think I’ve heard of them. Were they on American Idol?”
The girl smiled again but let Willow see it this time.
“No, they’re Canadian.”
“Oh,” Willow replied, feeling dumb as she shrugged her backpack back on her shoulders, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you. Just waiting for the tour to start. I thought the guide would be here by now.”
“The c-campus tour?” the girl asked, which Willow nodded in response, “They left twenty minutes ago.”
Willow’s eyes bugged.
“What!?” she asked, desperately scratching for her cell phone to pull up the schedule she’d downloaded, “It doesn’t go ‘til 2:30!”
“I-I think it goes at two,” the other girl said, obviously placating but still kind.
Willow’s fingers shook as she finally pulled up the file.
“No!” she said, shoving her phone in the girl’s face, “Look!”
The girl brought her face back enough to actually be able to read the screen.
“That’s, um, last year’s schedule.”
Willow snatched the phone back in front of her and her heart sank when she spotted the year in the corner that she hadn’t noticed before.
“But…how…shit!”
“Th-they do another one tomorrow,” the girl offered helpfully.
Willow stared down dejectedly.
“I’m leaving tonight. I have to get home for a chess tournament tomorrow. My parents don’t even know I’m here!”
Willow felt uneasiness from the other girl, so reassured her.
“Don’t worry, I’m 18, I’m not a runaway or anything. This is just…my dream school. I’ve wanted to come here since, well, forever. My Bubbe and Zayde, that's my grandparents, met here. Plus they have one of the best computer science programs in the country, which is what I want to major in. I’m supposed to hear today whether I got in or not and I wanted to experience the place at least once to have the memory in case I—”
She pursed her lips closed, then sighed.
“And I’m a blathering idiot who’s making no sense and I should go now. Bye.”
She jumped up and started to walk away, but felt a hand on her shoulder.
“Wait,” the other girl said, shyly twisting her hands around each other in front of herself, “I…I can show you around if you want. I pr-probably won’t know as much as the guide, but I have been studying here for a year and I took the tour before I started. If you w-wanted.”
Willow stopped and turned, genuinely stunned at the offer.
“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“Well, you’re not r-really, I’m offering,” the other girl said, smiling that smile again that Willow was definitely identifying subsequent butterflies from, “I don’t have any homework, I was just going to, going to listen to music for the afternoon anyway.”
Willow was giddy that her plans hadn’t been completely ruined. She didn’t want to impose on the person who’d been so nice to her, but she wanted a real tour of the school and she found herself wanting to spend more time with this girl too.
“Maybe you can tell me more about Regan and Tara.”
The girl smirked, looking down to hide her eyes for a moment before looking up again.
“I can’t tell you about Regan, but I can, I can tell you about Tara.”
Off Willow’s confused look, Tara extended her hand.
“I’m T-Tara,” she introduced herself, “And the band is Tegan and Sara.”
Willow blushed at her mistake but smiled as their hands brushed.
“Willow. Of the House Dork.”
She cringed while she was still saying it.
“You can still back out. I would, in fact. It would be wise.”
Tara just smiled again.
“I’ll show you the student center.”
Tara indicated the direction they were going and Willow hurried after her, hands clutching the straps of her backpack again. She fell in step with Tara, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
Tara was telling her about different benches named after various people, but Willow found herself getting caught up in her impromptu tour guide's voice. It was musical and sensual, like a soft blanket settling over her. She didn’t even realize she was doing it until she suddenly found herself walking straight into a door beside the one Tara was holding open for her.
She wasn’t sure her blood had settled back down from her last bout of scarlet cheeks, but she could still feel their burn all over again.
“Oh, are you okay?” Tara asked, holding Willow’s arm to help steady her.
Willow squirmed at Tara’s touch and she wasn’t entirely sure why. She
kinda knew why but it was the first time she’d experienced the sensation with such vigor.
“Fine,” she squeaked, then as a cover, fished her glasses out of the corner pocket of her backpack, “Just need these.”
Tara just smiled and continued to hold the door open for her. Willow stepped inside while clearing her throat and took a look around. It was a vast room with plenty of sitting spaces, various gaming equipment, vending machines and one single corridor with marked rooms.
Tara joined Willow and gestured around.
“This is the student center. You can come here to h-hang out, find student government, book a conference room a-and there’s prayer rooms if you’re so inclined. It's this building and the next one, which we can walk through these doors to…” Tara said as she led them through glass doors to the neighboring building.
It was an ever larger room with sections and hallways leading to various units. Tara walked Willow around, pointing out each one.
“Bursar for tuition fees, Financial Aid for h-help with tuition fees, On-Campus Post Office for all your mailing needs, Bookstore, which is usually pretty well stocked with all the textbooks you might need, Mini-Bank, mostly for quick deposits or withdrawals and Print Central for print, fax, photocopy, wh-whatever you need.”
“Wow, everything is here,” Willow commented in awe at seeing most of the amenities available in her entire small town jam-packed into one convenient space.
Tara nodded.
“They make it pretty easy to get your business done…which also means no ex-excuses.”
“That suits me because I’m not an excuse-giver!” Willow replied cheerily.
Tara smiled.
“You’re funny.”
Willow’s smile reached her eyes and she practically skipped alongside Tara back outside and around the back to a new building.
“Admin department,” Tara advised as they walked into the door, “This is Admissions and En-Enrollment. You’ll drop your papers here when you start, and if you decide to change classes mid-semester, this is where you come. Exciting stuff, I know.”
She smiled again and Willow felt weak-kneed. She pretended to pay careful attention to a corridor so she could lean against the wall.
Tara gestured to it.
“That’s the Academic Advisors hallway. Everyone meets them once when they start freshman year and they’re available as much as you, you might need…or as much as their appointment slots are available.”
Willow giggled and Tara was beginning to laugh too when she was tapped on the shoulder. Willow looked at the smart, sleek and professional looking woman carrying a folder and felt a bit intimidated. She wasn't sure why until the woman smiled at Tara and Willow felt a sensation she’d later realize was jealousy, and later again, an irrational one at that.
“Hello, Tara.”
“Hello Professor Oliver,” Tara greeted warmly, “This is Willow, she, she’s coming here next year.”
Willow forced a smile.
“Well…I hope.”
“We’ll be seeing you then,” the professor replied kindly, “Tara, I'm glad I've seen you. Come to your next class early, I have another of those books on attachment disorders. It’s not on the curriculum but it has a lot of interesting case studies. I want to show you one in particular.”
“Thank you, I’ll be there,” Tara agreed and the professor offered them a smile and left.
Willow watched until she was gone, then cast her gaze downward.
“She seemed… nice.”
Tara nodded.
“Yeah, she’s a TWAT.”
Willow nearly choked on air.
“Excuse me? She's a what?”
“TWAT. That’s what they call the good professors here. A Teacher Who Actually Teaches. It’s supposed to be derogatory but,” Tara explained, then offered a one-shoulder shrug, “I, I didn’t come to college to have lousy teachers. I like her.”
“What’s your major?” Willow asked, somewhat-unintentionally changing the subject.
“Early Childhood Education,” Tara answered in a way that Willow knew she truly loved it.
“What do you want to do?” Willow asked curiously, having never known someone to study that field.
Tara pushed herself off the wall and led Willow back outside.
“The end goal is to own my own pre-school someday. I worked in one all through h-high school.”
Willow smiled to herself.
“That’s nice,” she said, nodding once and enjoying the thought in her mind, “I like that.”
She wanted to add ‘I like you’, but it didn’t seem appropriate. Instead, she followed Tara to the next building, which maintained the dated architecture outside but had been converted to a much more modern interior.
The doors opened into a cafeteria, with plenty of tables and an extensive line of various dishes being served. Off to the side was a staircase, which had someone coming up or down the whole time they were there.
“This is the food court – school canteen is on the first floor, that’s where you can get food on your meal plan. It’s pretty good, t-there’s always at least three or four options, lots of sides, plus snacks. Upstairs there’s fast food. Subs, burgers, fried chicken, Chinese food, and pizza. It’s pretty easy to get whatever you might be craving and there’s plenty of delivery places nearby if you want something different. I’ve always been able to get something here th-though. Cheap—cheaper too.”
Willow was impressed, the dining was more diverse than she’d expected.
“I’ve been in love with this school since I was four and it’s somehow even better than I thought. The buildings, the service, the food,” she paused for a moment to glace at Tara in what could only be described as affectionate, “The people.”
They were standing close to the main doors and people were beginning to bump into them, so Tara brought them out again and past a very large sports arena.
“Sports center, outdoor courts. I don’t k-know how into all that you are…”
“Approximately zero percent,” Willow answered.
Tara looked relieved.
“Oh good, me either. I was going to have break out some extreme waffling.”
“You’re talking to the queen of waffling here,” Willow replied with a grin, “Sometimes it’s less waffle and more babble. Mostly it’s both.”
Tara smiled again and Willow thought she might be losing her mind because never before had a facial feature caused her this much consternation.
She tried to listen as Tara told her some information about the best ways to get around campus, what times to go for meals to get the freshest stuff and other useful tricks that she knew she’d regret not listening to, but stealing glances at this girl’s face instead just seemed so much more important.
Somehow she thought remembering Tara’s face would bring her more joy.
After a few minutes, she realized Tara had stopped. She stopped too and tuned back in right in time to catch what was being said.
“…housing buildings. There’s four around campus but the biggest two are here.”
“Which one do you live in?” Willow asked, then immediately worried it was invasive, but Tara didn’t seem to mind.
“I moved into the Clinton building at the start of this semester,” she replied “I wanted a single. My roommate…i-it wasn’t working out.”
“Oh?” Willow asked, eyebrow quirking just slightly in question.
“You’ll see. Freshman roommate placements always end up with one of them being crazy…” Tara advised before stopping again, “Which brings us to…campus police department right over here… Hopefully, you won’t need it.”
Willow glanced at the campus security building and looked alarmed so Tara put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
“I’m k-kidding,” she said with some embarrassment in her tone, “Mine was just…Well, she ate Cheetos all the time so she got that dust all over herself and everything else. She was temperamental and tried to control what could be talked about and who could come and go. Just a big baby really. But I'm sure you'll get someone nice.”
She paused and bit the corner of her lip.
“Do you want to see what a d-dorm room looks like?”
“Not if it’s too intrusive,” Willow replied shyly, “You’re being so nice showing me around like this. I feel kind of guilty.”
“Don’t,” Tara replied with those sparkling eyes that lit up her whole face, “I’m having fun.”
Willow was thrilled that not only was she not bothering Tara, but that she was actually enjoying it too.
Fun! She said I’m fun!Tara started to lead Willow off again, stopping after another couple of minutes to point out a building that was clearly a much newer build than the others around it.
“Oh—H-here’s the computer lab with obligatory accompanying Starbucks – you’ll be spending lots of time here if you do computer science. We can walk th-through it to get to my dorm.”
Willow loved the smell of the coffee as they walked past the attached Starbucks and into the actual computer building. It was many stories with many rooms and Willow was immediately thrilled by the sheer amount of tech she could see on display.
She immediately got giddy and stopped herself, just about, from pressing her face up against the glass windows.
Wow. This could really be it. This could be me soon.Tara, ever patient, just followed Willow as she first looked around in delight, then started babbling in techno-speak that Tara had very little clue what it was about.
“Sounds really excite, exciting,” she said eventually when they exited through the side door.
“Yeah!” Willow replied enthusiastically, that being one of the most positive responses she’d gotten after having gone on such a verbal tirade, “Wow…that place is great…and I only saw the tip of it…wow, just wow…did you see that super-computer? I can't believe it. Wow.”
She was bouncing again and her backpack physically bounced with her. Tara nodded her head, genuinely interested in her enthusiasm, even only understanding it in part.
Eventually, Willow calmed herself down and Tara brought her into her housing building. She pointed out the lounge area and mailbox room and then where the laundry room was. Willow hadn’t even contemplated that she’d have to do her own laundry, so it was a nice perk that she had seen it and could prepare.
Finally, Tara brought Willow to her dorm and shyly opened the door. She stood aside to let Willow in.
Willow took a few steps inside the room and took a good look around.
There was a closet just off to the side where Willow could see lots of colorful garments hanging up. A bookshelf filled with textbooks and some other fiction and non-fiction sat opposite it, right beside a desk with neatly arranged stationary and a small laptop sitting in front. Fairy lights were hung loosely over the desk, arranged to look like a smiley face, which Willow mirrored. Some candles were dotted around on different heights and the window sill hat a seat space that had some dorm-sized kitchen electronics like a toaster oven and mini-fridge.
The small double bed had plain white sheets but was topped with a colorful rainbow pillow. A small teddy sat on the pillow, wearing a multi-colored bowtie.
“He’s cute,” Willow said, briefly touching the fur, “This is really nice. Compact but cozy. I love your lights.”
“Thanks,” Tara replied, leaning against the wall by the window enough that the light caught her hair and made a halo shine behind her.
Willow cocked her head inquisitively just to see how sun-drenched Tara really looked and it took her a second to realize she was also speaking.
“Sorry?”
“Would you like a drink?” Tara repeated.
“Oh…sure, thanks,” Willow nodded.
Tara opened the door of her mini-fridge and peered in.
“I have apple juice, water, and Diet Coke.”
“I’ll take a Coke,” Willow requested.
Tara handed her a can, which Willow took and tossed gently into her other hand.
“Cold.”
Tara sent a smile half towards Willow and half towards the floor.
“A-At least I know my fridge is working.”
Willow laughed and thought she saw Tara’s cheeks flush. She tried not to smile in case it seemed like she was laughing at her. She distracted herself by looking around the room again and noticed an instrument case in the corner she’d had her back to previously.
“What do you play?”
“S-Saxophone,” Tara replied, a nervous looking smile tugging her lips.
“Will you play something for me?” Willow asked immediately, going against her natural grain to make herself as little trouble as possible.
Tara hesitated for a moment but got up and brought her case over. She got it ready to play and cleared her throat a few times before bringing the mouthpiece to her lips.
She wasn’t sure how much jazz or blues Willow knew, so she played the most identifiable piece she knew — the saxophone riff from Baker Street.
Willow remained entirely still all throughout. She did know the song, though she wouldn’t admit she knew it from The Simpsons. She watched the play between Tara’s fingers and mouth as they worked the instrument and she began to feel all hot and bothered. She quickly took some gulps from her Diet Coke and pressed the can to her flushed cheeks.
Tara finished up her piece and brought the saxophone down between her knees bashfully.
"How long have you been practicing?" Willow asked, her voice almost reverential.
"Always,” Tara replied quickly, then clarified with a blush as she tidied her sax away again, “I mean, since I um, was little… my, my mom used to. She was much better than me.”
“You have a powerful talent,” Willow insisted.
Tara shook her head, her eyes shielded by her hair.
“Oh, I’m not… I-I don't have much in the way of ‘power’,” she said, hands folding over themselves in her lap, “Really, I mean most of my songs come out as, as noise pollution. Besides, melodies going awry, my grades being in danger…I’m definitely nothing s-special.”
Willow looked right at Tara until she raised her gaze.
“No, you are.”
Their eyes remained locked for several moments before Tara shyly looked away, tucking hair behind her ear.
Willow had noticed her doing it before and thought it was adorable.
“So, um, I guess, um, the only thing left is the main academic buildings,” Tara spoke, discreetly clearing her throat halfway through, “It’s pretty con-convenient, they’re all accessible from right where we met in the quad. I can show you.”
She stood and held the door open for Willow again. Willow put her empty can in the small trash can and followed Tara outside and all the way back to the middle of the courtyard. Tara stood beside her and pointed to buildings while doing a slow, full turn.
“Arts building… b-business building… science buildings… liberal arts building… com-communications building…education building…and music building.”
Willow had pretty good retention but still found herself blinking rapidly.
“Might need another round of that before I remember.”
Tara walked Willow past each building individually and snuck her in to see a classroom in the music building. Tara went to a door and stood on her tiptoes to see in the glass panel near the top. She motioned for Willow to join her.
Willow crept in and peered in the small space. There was a class being taught by a professor with wildly demonstrative hands. It looked like an engaging lesson until Willow noticed there were no students.
“This teacher is f-famous for planning his lesson plans out loud,” Tara whispered, “People can even find out what questions will be on exams if they listen at the right moment. Someone got expelled for trying to sell them.”
Willow’s brow furrowed.
“Should we be—”
Forgetting to keep her voice down, the sound indicated their presence and the professor’s head turned sharply towards the door. Tara ducked down, then grabbed Willow’s hand and pulled her through the building until they got out the back entrance.
They turned a corner and stood up against the wall. Willow was slightly out of breath, blushing and still warm where Tara’s hand had joined hers. She glanced over at Tara and they started to share a blossoming smile when Willow looked over Tara’s shoulder. Her face broke out in a stunned smile.
“It’s the tree.”
Tara followed her gaze to the large tree behind them and by the time she turned back, Willow was already jogging over. Tara went with her but stayed silent as Willow stood by the trunk and just looked up to take in the unique structure.
Eventually, Willow looked at Tara again, a palm still flat on the bark.
“This tree…my grandparents first met under this tree. It was a hot day and they were getting shade. They called it their love nest. My dad even named me after it.”
Tara smiled softly.
“It’s a Willow tree.”
Willow returned the smile and nodded.
“Can’t believe I found it. It wasn’t in any of the online photos. I wasn’t even sure if it was still here.”
She turned to the trunk again and started walking around.
“My Zayde said he carved their initials in but I guess there’s no way I’d find them after all these years…”
Tara looked around too.
“W-Was he tall?”
“Huh?” Willow asked, peering at her in confusion.
“Your, um, Zayde?” Tara asked shyly, “Was he, um, was he tall?”
Willow nodded slowly.
“Yeah…over six foot.”
Tara pointed up.
“It might be up high.”
“Oh,” Willow replied, scouring her gaze higher, “Oh! Right, yeah. That makes sense.”
“You can sit on my shoulders,” Tara offered humbly, “Um, if you, um, w-want.”
Willow stopped for a moment.
“Really? You don’t have to.”
“Sure,” Tara replied with a bashful smile, “I’d, I’d like to help you find your grandparents initials. I think it’s the s-sweetest story. It’s the kind of love I-I want to have some day.”
Willow felt her heart go funny and had to turn away for a moment as she feared she was grinning like an idiot. She bent down, pretending to fix her lace and straightened up again when she’d recovered.
“That would be great, but if I’m too heavy just put me down, it’s totally cool.”
Tara bent down and Willow left her backpack against the tree. She climbed onto Tara’s shoulders and couldn’t help but giggle when Tara stood to her height and Willow shot up.
“I can see everything from up here!”
“Will I walk you around the tree?” Tara asked.
“Yes, please!” Willow agreed, “Slowly if you don’t mind.”
Tara very slowly started a circle around the pretty large trunk. Willow was silent until they were almost back around when she suddenly let out a squeal.
“Wait! I see it, I see it! E and M, Efrayim and Miriam! It’s right there!”
Tara stayed as still as possible so Willow could have her moment. Willow brushed her fingertips against the braised bark; the clumsy lettering bringing a smile to her face. She took her phone out and got some pictures, which she immediately emailed to herself just in case.
She stared goofily at the screen for a few moments until she realized she was just sitting on top of a very obliging Tara and began to get down. They both ended up bent down and they rose up together, bodies and faces closer than either intended.
Their noses were almost touching and their breath was mixed; the only thing moving between them for several long seconds.
Eventually, Tara broke the quiet by reaching out and removing a small stick from Willow’s hair.
“T-Twig.”
“Thanks,” Willow replied, her voice echoing.
They stood awkwardly for a moment, then their eyes started to draw themselves to each other again. Just as they locked together, the phone sitting in Willow’s hand loudly interrupted with a notification and stirred them both.
Tara turned around and stuffed her hands in her pockets to hide the fact that they were shaking, while Willow turned her phone around a few times until it was at the right orientation again.
She swallowed a few times to regain moisture in her mouth as her fingers unlocked the phone to see what the disturbance was. She went still again when she saw.
She looked up at Tara.
“It’s the email,” she said with an undeniable squeak, and saw Tara’s eyebrows crease, so clarified, “Um, my acceptance…or rejection…email.”
She stared at the screen for a moment, then thrust the phone towards Tara.
“You read it…please…I can’t.”
Tara took the phone, nervous she would have to break bad news. She opened the email and made it larger so she could read it properly, then cast her eyes on the first few sentences. She read it several times to make sure she was 100% correct, then finally broached Willow with a big smile.
“You g-got in.”
Willow’s jaw dropped.
“I got in?!” she screamed, grabbing the phone back to read for herself, “I got in! I got in!”
“You got in!” Tara replied animatedly, getting caught up in the excitement.
Willow flung herself into Tara’s arms and hugged her tightly. After a moment she realized it was inappropriate and pulled back, but remained holding onto Tara’s arms.
“Sorry.”
Tara didn’t let go either.
“You don’t need to a-apologise.”
The start of a lingering gaze began to set upon their faces until Willow’s belly suddenly rumbled loudly and broke the moment. Willow took a step back, blushing.
“And I once again express myself in the most embarrassing form possible,” she said, biting her lip for a moment before looking up with a shy hope, “Maybe I could buy you dinner or something to say thanks for being so generous with your time and everything else today.”
Tara looked at her watch and seemed genuinely saddened.
“Willow, I, I would, I would l-love to. But I have to go to work.”
“Oh yeah, of course,” Willow replied a little too quickly, “Where do you work?”
“At this c-coffee and tea house called Equalitea,” Tara replied, holding her arms crossed gently across her chest, “It’s l-late night and there’s performers and stuff. I do the e-evening shift.”
Willow nodded and brought her backpack back over her shoulders.
“Well, I have to catch my flight anyway,” she said, not showing half the amount of dejection she was feeling. “Thank you, for the tour. I know I’m, you know, nuts.”
“You’re not,” Tara reassured, “ I enjoyed it. It was, um, really nice to meet y-you.”
Willow looked up, unable to hide her keenness.
“You too, really. It really was, you’re the nicest person I could have met,” she gushed, not even trying to rein herself in, “I hope I see you around next semester.”
Tara smiled.
“That’d b-be nice.”
Willow didn’t know whether to offer a handshake or a hug so she just lifted her hand and waggled her fingers in a wave.
“Bye, Tara.”
“Bye, Willow,” Tara replied with sadness tinged in her voice, “Congratulations.”
Willow looked over and kept waving until she felt tears prick and felt utterly ridiculous for whatever game her emotions were playing with her.
I must be PMSing.She walked around to the main street outside the campus and used an app to call a car to bring her to the airport. She tossed her glasses back into their case and looked down at her twiddling the thumbs the whole ride over.
Once there, she felt mopey as she made her way to the gate and stopped to get some food and ice-cream to cheer her up. It didn’t work.
She ended up sitting at the gate with her knees up to her chest, shoveling jelly beans into her mouth and staring out the window contemplating the feelings she’d been exposed to today.
She had considered before that she liked girls, but she’d never had the opportunity to test it because she’d never liked
anyone. Crushes were too easy to dismiss as admiration and she was a science girl, she needed hard data.
But of all the emotions she'd experienced that that, the ones that stood out were the ones she had been told about when her Zayde would tell her how he saw her Bubbe reading under the willow tree and fell in love on the spot.
As some time passed alone with her thoughts, she grew more and more frustrated that she had left the way she did. It seemed unfinished and abrupt and it would be months before she would even be able to track Tara down again, if at all.
She was growing close to letting it all really ruin the great day and amazing news she’d gotten when she heard a crackly announcement come over the PA about her flight.
There were some groans from all around her and Willow hurried up to the help desk to speak to the assistant sitting behind it before a line formed.
“Excuse me, did they just announce this flight was canceled?”
“Yes, I’m very sorry,” the woman replied apologetically, “We can get you on the next flight out, but it’s not until last thing tonight.”
The assistant was bracing herself to be yelled at but Willow just beamed from ear to ear.
“That’s GREAT!” she shrieked, then off the woman’s very odd look, composed herself again, “I mean, yeah, please, um, reschedule me.”
She waited somewhat patiently to get her new boarding pass, hid it away with her passport and practically skipped back out the gate and into the first cab she saw.
“Do you know a coffee place called Equalitea?”
Tara wiped down the counter after serving a milky latte to a customer who didn’t seem to realize that liquids would slosh and spill if their open container was jerked around.
It was a quiet night, which she usually liked because she preferred to work away by herself, but tonight she wished she was busier so she could avoid the thoughts in her head.
She had no idea what had prompted her to do what she’d done that day with Willow. Why would she offer to take someone on a tour of campus; she, the self-appointed most self-conscious speaker in the world?
It would be easy to argue that Willow’s heartbroken little face would prompt anyone into action, but Tara had to admit, there was one very clear reason: she was very attracted to her and had been from the moment she’d sat down beside her.
The only reason Willow's backpack had caught her iPod in the first place was because she'd shuffled closer to Willow to get a better look.
Today had been the most social she’d ever been outside of school and work circles and she’d loved it. Even with her awkward moments and self-conscious verbal stumbling, when she’d said something that made Willow smile it made her heart swell and when they touched she’d been so close to kissing her it felt like a punch in the gut when they parted.
She was glad they had, though. There was no reason to think Willow had returned any of the affection she felt and she could have really embarrassed herself or upset the girl.
She sighed and tossed the cloth she was using over her shoulder, looking up just in time to see someone familiar walk through the doors. She stalled, surprise on her face.
“Willow.”
Willow looked over at the sound of her name and smiled wide when she saw Tara. She shuffled over to the counter.
“Hi!”
Tara just stared, dumbstruck and Willow gulped.
“See, my flight got delayed until tonight and well, I could sit around the airport or…”
Tara blinked a couple of times, then her lips curled up on one side.
“W-what can I get you?”
Willow stepped onto her tiptoes and jumped onto a stool.
“I usually drink mochas, but you’re the expert…surprise me.”
Willow watched as Tara fluidly started using the machines and her own flair to make a large round mug of something. It reminded her of how she had been with the saxophone, everything delicate and seemingly effortless. She enjoyed watching Tara's muscles flex and fingers daintily move about but tried not to be too obvious with her staring.
Finally, Tara delivered a mug sitting on a little saucer.
“They call it a z-zebra mocha…mix of white and dark chocolate. We call it a rainbow zebra here.”
Willow glanced down and noticed Tara had used dyes to make the foam art colorful, but more so, the picture she made was of a chess piece. She felt choked up.
She remembered.“You're an artist…almost looks too good to drink,” she said, then lifted the mug to taste, “Wow, that’s really good. What do I owe you?”
Tara concealed a smile, picked up a napkin and gently wiped the corner of Willow's mouth, where some green foam had been left behind.
“On the house.”
Willow blushed and took the napkin, dabbing at herself.
“Thank you. It's so good my face wouldn't let go!"
Tara giggled; a sound which made Willow giddy. She was trying to think of something else funny to say when two broad figures came standing beside her.
Willow had to tilt her head up considerably just to see them to their full height. They looked so unusual that it took her more than a moment to realize they were drag artists and not returning from the scene of a rainbow explosion.
One was dressed as an 80’s pop star in a colorful, but muted, dress, clean make-up and a neat red wig while the other was flamboyant and vibrant in a huge pink wig, very overstated make-up and an electric pink dress decorated with different images of candy.
“Who’s your friend, Tara?” the pink-haired one asked in a squeaky voice.
“Willow, this is, um, Kiki T and Jolly Todger,” Tara introduced, “Some of our entertainers. Willow is my…new friend.”
Willow smiled at that description.
“Charmed, I’m sure,” Kiki said in a low, southern drawl.
Willow shook each of their deceptively strong hands.
“Nice to meet you.”
Willow admired their nails as they shook and discreetly checked out her own, trimmed, but pretty boring in comparison.
I could have fun nails if I wanted. I do want. I wonder what Tara's favorite color is?“Tara, do you have my cupcakes?” Jolly asked, appropriately jolly.
Tara disappeared under the counter for a few seconds and popped back up with a tray of cupcakes with frosting and gumdrops made to look like an areola and a nipple.
Willow blushed to her toes when she saw them and looked over at a poster on the wall to hide it.
Jolly held two cupcakes to her chest and twisted them as if to test they were working. She winked at Tara, who couldn’t help but grin.
Kiki reached over and tweaked Tara’s smile.
“That’s what we like to see.”
As she leaned, her ample bosom flattened the frosting in a couple of cupcakes. Jolly batted her away and put her hands on her hips.
“Oh, you ruined them.”
“I’m not the one who ruined your tits, your old age did that all on its own,” Kiki retorted with a flick of her long eyelashes.
“Well, I never!” Jolly replied with faux outrage, grabbing her tray of cupcakes and marching off to follow Kiki behind the stage.
Willow laughed to herself at their antics, surprised by just how comfortable she was with them. She wondered about the show they were putting on, and took a moment to glance around the whole venue.
It looked like a typical artsy coffee house with dark wooden furniture and low lighting. There were framed records on the wall from Cher, Freddy Mercury, Judy Garland and Kylie Minogue, and possibly some more Willow couldn’t identify. She saw a framed rainbow flag with signatures on the wall, along with plenty of Andy Warhol prints. The stage curtain was embossed with a power fist and Willow started to notice all the mugs had a pink triangle or the two interlocking male signs embossed on them.
She wasn’t dumb and it wasn’t like she hadn’t looked up a lot of this stuff on the internet before, not to mention the obvious name of the establishment and names of drinks on the menu like her 'rainbow zebra'.
She caught Tara’s attention when she finished wiping the counter down and leaned in closer.
“Tara?” she whispered, unnecessarily but it made her feel less stupid, “Is this a gay bar? Well…coffee bar?”
Tara didn’t quite freeze but did find her mouth clamped shut for a moment. She cleared her throat and began cleaning a mug with her dishcloth to seem nonchalant.
“Yes, b-but we don’t discriminate,” she said, in an attempt of levity.
“Unless you ugly,” Kiki offered as a drive-by as she passed by again on her way to the bathroom.
Willow had to purse her lips to keep from laughing. She loved that humour and she loved the whole vibe of the café. It felt safe and encompassing and proud. She’d always been offered pride for the things she did, but not often for who she was, and just existing in this space made her feel like she could be whoever she was and it would be not only accepted, but celebrated.
She shook her head to try and align her rattling thoughts.
“This is kind of a world I never even knew existed.”
She nibbled on the corner of her thumb for a moment before leaning in again.
“Tara, can I ask
you something?”
Tara braced herself and nodded. Willow was extra quiet, offering some discretion.
“Are you gay?”
Tara regretted having folded and unfolded her cloth so many times because now she couldn’t do it again when her shaking hands needed a distraction.
Now she had to tell Willow the truth and possibly put a dent in whatever it was they’d built between them that day. She usually had little problem confirming her identity when asked but this one was hard for her. There would be a consequence and she didn't know yet if it would be good or bad.
She didn’t want the road between them closed. She wanted what Willow had had earlier – hope.
She could rationalise ‘til the cows came home that she met this girl just a few hours ago; knew nothing about her except her desired major and how her grandparents had met; hadn’t even had a chance to share a meal or strike up a real conversation, but Willow’s mere presence made her feel a kind of happiness she’d never experienced before and she didn’t want a pin to be put in that.
Still, the moment had come and she had no choice but to answer.
“Yes,” she said simply, able to keep her voice free of the pong game of thoughts and emotions flurrying around inside.
Willow didn’t seem to have much of a reaction, which made Tara nervous.
“D-Does that bother you?”
“No, no, not at all,” Willow reassured quickly, then secured herself on the stool, as she needed some kind of grounding for what she was about to reveal, “It’s just…confusing for me.”
Tara opted to remain silent as Willow seemed like she was working something out.
“It’s something I’ve thought about…but never really had an answer to.”
Tara nodded understandingly and saw Willow needed a friend more than anything else in that moment.
“Sometimes we find answers somewhere we aren’t looking. I know I wondered and wondered and wondered and the moment I knew for sure didn’t even end up being about a girl. It was my mom making me promise to live as h-happily as I could imagine.”
Willow’s brow creased for a moment, taking that in.
“I don’t know anything about…” she paused; she’d never said the words aloud but found she actually wasn’t too frightened, “Being gay. I don’t know if I’d be good at it.”
Tara offered a wry smile.
“There’s not m-much to it.”
“The music, and the people and the jokes…” Willow replied, casting her eyes around the room and at Kiki as she returned on her way back stage.
Tara waved a hand.
“This is all just…stuff. It’s levity, and it’s a community and it’s great, but it’s not…required. Or essential.”
She stopped and took an even breath.
“All you have to do is fall in love,” she said softly, “And I think that can be… surprisingly easy.”
Willow watched Tara’s eyes shine over with emotion and she felt a deep pang in her heart. In all her musings to herself, she hadn’t allowed for the fact that maybe, just maybe, Tara actually liked her back too. Her pulse raced as she eyed Tara’s lips, for the first time allowing for the real possibility that if she kissed them she wouldn’t be rebuffed.
Completely out of her comfort zone, she had no idea how to proceed. Could she just lean in, should she? Should she ask first? Was there an etiquette? Was her breath even fresh?
Before she could answer those any many other questions, someone called for Tara’s attention at the other end of the bar.
Tara glanced over her shoulder, then back at Willow.
“I have c-customers,” she said, an octave of disappointment in her voice, “But go take a seat and listen to the show. You’ll like it, it’s funny.”
Willow nodded.
“Sure. And thanks for the drink.”
“Don’t walk into anything,” Tara advised as Willow started to move away, but looked back in confusion then.
Tara pointed two fingers at her own eyes.
“Your glasses. You took them off again.”
Willow blushed profusely.
“I…don’t…need them…in…dark!” she spat out before rushing over as fast as her half-full mug would allow her to a couch set up parallel to the stage.
More people moved to congregate near the stage in anticipation of the show and Willow eavesdropped on a few conversations around her.
She learned about different TV shows and news programs she should be watching, what bars in the city she could go to, and lots of new words that she’d taken mental notes to look up later. After a while a few groups noticed she was on her own and included her.
She was thrilled and chatted away unselfconsciously, which was a feat in itself for her.
After a while the lights dimmed and the stage ones highlighted the area.
Some campy music played and Kiki and Jolly came out to start the show.
It was a mix of lip-syncing, stand-up, over the top acting and some pretty decently choreographed and wonderfully flamboyant dance moves.
The highlight for Willow was the finale; a parody of Daft Punk’s ‘Get Lucky’, retitled ‘Get Sucky’, which Willow found equal parts gross and hilarious, and more risqué than anything she’d ever been exposed to. She couldn’t look away, even when Jolly used one of her cupcakes in a mid-song breakout rap, themed to ‘Push It’ by Salt-N-Pepa but renamed ‘Lick It’.
When it was over she said goodbye to the new pals she’d been chatting to and finished her third mocha, which was starting to contribute a bit more pep in her step.
Not long after, Tara approached and perched herself on the arm of the couch.
“W-What did you think?”
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” Willow replied, her hands repeatedly gesturing trying to convey all of her thoughts, “It was fantastic. I just…loved it.”
Tara smiled and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.
“So, ah, I just finished my shift,” she said, then looked at Willow through her long lashes, “You can, um, walk me out if you want.”
Willow had not once in her life ever felt that she was the recipient of flirting, but there was a tone in Tara’s voice that even the most socially inept part of her responded to.
She smiled, stood and in a feat of bravery as brazen as she’d ever demonstrated, she swung her hand into Tara’s and linked their fingers.
“Yeah, I do.”
Tara’s heart sped up and she daren’t move her hand lest Willow let go. She grabbed her jacket and purse one-handed from the break room and held them over her arm, before leading Willow out of the back doors.
In the alleyway, alongside the dumpsters, Kiki and Jolly were pulling on cigarettes still fully kitted out in their queen ensembles.
Kiki took a long drag and courteously blew the smoke away from them.
“Hey sugar, thanks for the laughs,” she said to Willow as she flicked some ash from the end of her butt, “I haven’t heard a screech like that since my sister knocked down that moose on I-62.”
Willow took the compliment in the way it was intended.
“It was very funny. Do you do shows often?”
“We’re on the circuit all over the state,” Kiki said with perfectly timed jadedness, “Every fag and dyke bar you can find.”
“And the brave straight ones,” Jolly added.
“Do you guys think I could get your autograph?” Willow asked shyly.
“Anything for a fan,” Jolly replied cheerily.
“This isn’t the kind that blows you,” Kiki retorted, though Willow saw a hint of a smile at being asked.
Willow also didn’t want to break her handhold with Tara, so she swung her backpack to her front and began to unzip it.
“Thank you so m—”
She was suddenly cut off as out of nowhere a man came racing by and snatched her bag, running at top speed down the alley and away from them.
Willow’s jaw dropped.
“Hey! Stop! My bag!” she said, moving to follow but the thief was already out of sight, “No! It has my passport and my boarding pass and my wallet and everything!”
Kiki’s face hardened and she stubbed her butt out on the wall.
“Oh you messed with the wrong bitch,” she said in her manliest voice.
She ripped her wig off and handed it to Willow, then ran in the same direction of the robber at top speed, even in heels.
Willow stared at a now-bald Kiki running after the thief, heels quickly clacking against the pavement, then down at the rug in her hands.
“Oh. It’s wet.”
“Drag is pretty sweaty work,” Tara commented and Willow had to try really hard not to pull a face, considering the wig’s owner was acting very heroically in her honour.
She rubbed Willow's arm to offer some comfort.
“It’ll be okay Willow.”
Jolly was busy unhooking the huge hoops in her ears and thrusting them at Tara.
“Hold my earrings,” she said with an indignant push of her large chest, “This needs two queens more than an empty chess board in front of Magnus Carlsen.”
She rushed off to follow Kiki, who could be heard yelling ‘boy! I said boy!’ repeatedly from around the corner.
Willow was standing in shock, stunned that her bag had been stolen, and that two strangers were rushing to her aid. She also inexplicably had a rush of awe that such a flamboyant and overstated character like Jolly could have a reserved and even geekier interest like she did.
She had a moment of clarity that everybody in that place were just ordinary human beings like her with varied interests, all joined together in a community where they could just be themselves. She suddenly felt like she’d joined a club she hadn’t realised she belonged in.
As those thoughts floated by, she also became aware of an all-over warmth and realised Tara was hugging her.
She clung on happily until the clacking of heels returned and Jolly wandered back, handing Willow her bag like it was nothing.
“Here you go, toots,” she offered kindly, “Don’t worry about that guy. Keek is threatening his masculinity enough that he won’t look funny at a woman for a long time.”
Kiki returned then, took her wig from Willow and smoothed it back into place. Willow just jumped at both of them to give them a hug.
“Thank you! Thank you so much!”
“Affection,” Kiki cackled, holding her hands up in mock-defensiveness, “I’m melting!”
Willow held back but kept grinning at them.
“If I didn’t have to go—” her eyes suddenly widened and she looked at her watch, “Oh my god, my flight! I completely forgot, I have to get home, it's the last flight out!”
In seconds Kiki had let out a loud, hailing whistle and a cab had pulled up beside them.
“You come back now, you here? I like your smile and I like the smile you put on Tara's face.”
Willow expressed her gratitude gushingly to the two queens and hurried into the cab. In the rush of it all, she hadn’t let go of Tara’s hand and she ended up in the cab with her.
She started ruffling through her recovered backpack to get her boarding card and passport out and ready to run into the airport. As she zipped it back up, she looked over at Tara, for the first time realising she was there.
“I just pulled you in here with me.”
Tara shrugged one shoulder, smiling.
“It’s okay. I wanted to come anyway.”
Willow returned the smile.
When they got to the airport, Willow paid the driver and they both rushed to the security line. Willow stalled before joining the line and thrust her phone towards Tara.
“I’m not leaving without getting your phone number this time,” she said, then blushed worrying she was too presumptuous, “I mean, if you want to give it to me.”
Tara took the phone and entered in her details.
“Why don’t you, um, message me if you have any questions before moving out here…”
Willow watched Tara type, with glee.
“Maybe you could show me more of this Tegan and Sara…and why everybody wants their tea in the shade…won’t it get cold? And why people laughed when I said I was going to bring my stuff here in a U-Haul?”
Tara was grinning to herself as she handed the phone back.
“I’ll have you good and ready by the time you move out here.”
Willow slid her phone into her pocket without looking as her gaze remained on Tara.
“Good and ready for what?”
Tara’s eyes automatically fell to Willow’s lips for a moment but she forced herself to drag them back up.
“Whatever you want.”
Willow’s heart started to pound at the energy she felt passing between them. She leaned in and she wasn’t sure if Tara leaned back or she just kept going but after a moment their lips were touching, then pressing and finally really kissing each other.
Willow felt tingles shoot right down to her toes and her mind get hazy. She thought she could be drunk for the several seconds their mouth connected but she didn’t want it to end.
Of course, it had to and both were smiling and flushed when it did. Willow just started at Tara with utter adoration for a moment before taking her phone out again.
“Can you double check this is your number? I just don’t want to lose out on all this…education… over a transposed digit.”
Tara nodded and took the phone, handing it back a minute later.
“I put my email in too in case there’s a problem. And, um, I’m on Facebook. I don't use it much but I'm there. T-Tara Maclay.”
Willow reached out and stroked Tara’s cheek.
“I had the most amazing day, Tara Maclay.”
“So did I,” Tara replied softly, “I, I do hope you stay in touch.”
“I will, I absolutely will,” Willow promised, “And you know, I’ll definitely have to make a few trips over the summer to work out my plans.”
“Call me,” Tara said, with a subsequent blush, “That sounded like a lame movie line.”
“What about…you had me at…” Willow started, having to think for a moment, “Tegan and Sara?”
Tara chuckled.
“We’ll always have…”
“Alternative Ladies Night,” Willow finished with a giggle.
Tara laughed too, until a boarding call for Willow’s flight came over the system.
“You need to go,” Tara said, giving Willow’s hand one last squeeze.
Willow got her boarding pass ready in her ID, stalling having to go.
“When’s good tomorrow for me to call you?”
“Any time, I don’t have work or classes,” Tara responded earnestly, “T-Text me so I know you got home safe.”
“I will,” Willow replied, exhaling softly , “Bye Tara.”
“Bye Willow,” Tara replied, her voice filled with a lot more hope than during the last time she’d said those words.
Willow started to move towards the line, but when she reached the top she ran back and right over to plant another smooch on Tara’s lips.
As she lingered a final boarding call was made. She moved away as it ended.
“Now I really have to go.”
“Go!” Tara insisted, beaming from ear to ear.
Willow ran off again and really got through the empty security this time, looking back the whole time and waving.
Tara stayed right there, returning the affectionate look and waving too until Willow had disappeared again in a ball of happiness. Tara hung on to watch the plane leave, allowing the world to see a smile she had so often hid away.
They moved in opposite directions, away from each other but neither was upset about it.
They both knew this wasn’t goodbye.
The first time I saw your face
I knew I was meant for you
The first time you said my name
I knew I was meant for you
You don't need to worry
This love will make us worthy
There's nothing love can't do