We're a day early, but I figure a 300 day head start on y'all could be enough! I'd really advise checking out the links and in the notes and yes, I know it's spelled 'wrong' in the story. But that's kind of the point!
Katharyn
Title:
Tara and Willow – Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda – Chapter Forty-Six Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Absolutely, yes please. That’s why I write for this place, to engage in the discussion about the story.
Spoiler warning: Not sure why I am bothering, really, but Season 4 and Season 5 of BTVS.
Distribution: This story was written for Pens. Pens is its home. No archiving off Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten Board please. No conversion to eBook or other formats please. Enjoy it here.
Summary: Celebration and some down time after capturing Faith
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc. I am making no money from this series of stories however all original characters and situations remain my property. As this is a missing scenes and alternate reality fiction lots of scenes are new versions of those seen in the show, as such dialogue and situations are taken from the show. I’m sure you can tell which. All credit for those aspects goes to the original writers.
Rating: Occasional, tasteful, adult situations and contextual bad language. However by and large equivalent to the show.
Couples: Tara and Willow forever, that’s all I’m bothered about.
Text convention: Use of
italics denotes either special emphasis if used for a single or a few words in a sentence OR first person thoughts if used for a whole sentence.
Notes: I think it’s one of those things that’s important – especially reflecting on how relentless season 5 will become (in canon too) – to let the Scoobs have their down time. It was a big part of the show in the first three seasons, often played out in the Bronze, and despite them having their separate lives and our focus on Tara and Willow, this is… I wanted to show it. Why not? Plus… Muppets.
Also, time really does pass. We last saw Tara in with Faith. It’d not going to be like flicking a switch to sort her out now is it?
Thanks to: Jim Henson. Because. And if you’re too young to remember the Muppets back in the day, this specifically OR you just want a reminder, the folks at Youtube are here to help:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N_tupP ... ature=fvwp(PS – I first saw the Muppets a few years after they came out… I’m not quite that old! Searching for the above link revealed the utter horror of a Disneyfied, CGI show…)
“So…? Manamanama?” Giles asked, repeating the word slowly.
“That’s right, Manamanama.”
“I’m sorry. I have… no idea what you’re talking about,” Giles said.
“Didn’t you get the Muppets in England?”
“Absolutely, though I was undoubtedly too busy drinking tea and cutting the crusts off little cucumber sandwiches to notice.”
Willow grinned. “The kind of tea you were drinking back then, I’d bet it’d make the Muppets even more colourful and amazing.”
He sighed, but didn’t correct her assumptions about his recreational drug use back in the day. “Remind me why I’m here?”
“Because we’re
celebrating,” Willow reminded him. “All of us. Because Buffy’s where she should be. So is Faith and because every so often you have to let yourself off the leash.”
“Ah, that. And perhaps you’d now tell me why I’d submit myself to this bastardisation of a once great and noble culture.”
“Huh?”
“Karaoke. And more particularly,
Muppet karaoke?”
“It’s one word,” Willow said. “And it tells you on screen when to do it. Look. One word. The ball even bounces along it.”
“Then I can’t imagine why
you don’t do it.”
“Because ‘manamanama’ needs a male voice. I bet you’ve got a great voice, I don’t have a voice at all. No voice. In fact I’m surprised you can hear me now.”
“No.”
“Tara and Buffy are waiting for you.”
“Then they’ll have a long wait.”
“One word… one word… and I’ll tell you what Tara told me. After all that
is why you’re really here, isn’t it?”
“As long as you don’t feel you’d be betraying a confidence.”
There was a hint of criticism in his tone, which was fine. But Tara had spent nearly half an hour with Faith and declared – not asked - that she was going back the next day. Okay, yeah,
then she’d asked if anyone minded and the declaration had turned into more of a polite request. It’d been cute to watch, really.
And no one had been able to think of a reason why to not let her do just that.
After all, what else did anyone have in mind?
Updates on what Tara had accomplished had been harder to obtain for the rest of them. It wasn’t that her girl had sworn her to secrecy but… Willow hadn’t felt it was her place to say anything while the others hadn’t quite known how to ask for themselves because they didn’t know Tara well enough.
And so Giles’ quandary. He was curious, he had a professional concern and he had to say something to the Council at some point. So… yeah, he needed to know.
But before all that he could do what his Slayer wanted. He could get up and sing. Then he could get the info he wanted.
Such as it was.
He was in America now and over here you didn’t get something for nothing here. His singing was really just getting into the spirit of capitalism and self-reliance.
“Are we
quite certain that Buffy’s been swapped back entirely?” His question suggested a certain dubiousness as he looked up towards the stage.
“I’ve heard her sing before,” Willow said. “But, you’re right, I’ve never seen her want to do this. If it’s any reassurance though I think Faith would rather die than sing. And Tara says she’s
sure they’re both where they should be.”
“Aha!” Triumph.
She’d given something away, but that was just a little taster. To get him to do this.
“Okay, okay, that was one of the things Tara wanted to find out. She figured it out first, so we thought maybe she could make double-certain that everything was back to normal. Well, as normal as life on a Hellmouth gets.”
“Well, thank you for that much at least.”
She couldn’t say that Tara reaching through the bars to take Faith’s hand and check her had been something she’d wanted to happen. Seemed like a psycho Slayer might’ve turned that into something. But Faith had gone along with it and Tara had come away both unscathed and reassured.
For some reason Tara hadn’t even felt it was a risk whereas – if she’d been asked up front – Willow would’ve said that it was a certain way to get a broken arm at the very least.
“You know what you have to do to get the rest,” Willow reminded him.
He didn’t go though. At least not yet. “You put a lot of store in what she says, don’t you?”
“I think we both know that you know that I know why you know that,” Willow said.
He nodded. “I can’t imagine why you don’t just say something? You know how oblivious some of our little group can be. If you’re hoping they’ll just work it out - ”
“Stuff, in the way.” She shrugged. “There’s no hurry. Tara’s not going anywhere. But… you are.” She knew him well enough to recognise his attempts at distracting her.
“So why isn’t Eddie doing this part?” Giles asked, his question marking an acceptance of the requirement. Last arguments.
“Umm, because he’s not here.”
“True. I imagine a low profile would be helpful to him right now. He and Buffy talked I take it?”
“Yeah… she wasn’t very happy when she came back. That’s why we’re out and why we’re celebrating. Get her mind off that and what Faith did, what she almost did and what… he did.”
“Ah.”
“Ah.”
“Well, if I do this, it’s on the strict understanding it sets no precedent for future social occasions, nor any implied approval of this venue or the activities that take place there in.”
“Karaoke.”
“Yes, that.”
“Noted,” Willow said happy to have gotten what Buffy had wanted.
“And you need to join me. You need to face your fears, Willow.”
“Uhuh,” she said, shaking her head fervently. “I don’t face my fears. I avoid them entirely, find other ways. Like… not going up there. I don’t sing. Period.”
“It’s just one word though…”
Which was what Tara had said. But it wasn’t true! “No, the girls part is much, much, much more complicated and requires the ability to, you know, carry a tune. Stay in tune – something about tunes anyway. See, I don’t even know the terminology. If I can’t get that down and I can’t follow the theory let alone the practice, what use would I be?”
“Sing or stand aside!” The MC’s voice rang out over the mircrophone before Buffy borrowed it to introduce him.
“In the title role, Mister Rupert Giles!” The crowd didn’t go as nuts as you might’ve though, though a pair of Japanese businessmen had been looking suitably enthused all night. Did they get Muppets in Japan? Would it mean anything to them? Surely it would.
Everyone liked Muppets.
Tara liked Muppets.
“Role?” Giles mouthed as she was led away.
“I guess maybe Buffy doesn’t know the terminology either…”
Willow sat back, watching events unfold up on the ‘stage’ area. Giles tapped the microphone, both Buffy and Tara already had one. This was like… perfect. She was sure Tara wouldn’t stammer singing anyway, but this wasn’t even a ‘song’ in that sense. And it was more than great to see Tara getting on with her friends. Especially after that time with Faith that everyone was just a little suspicious about.
Maybe ‘suspicious’ was a little harsh. But certainly curious. On top of the link with the Goddess… that curiosity probably wasn’t helping to integrate Tara into the group.
Willow’s girl had proven herself though, she’d earned a lot of slack. Maybe not as much as any of the others just because they’d all helped each other many times over the years, but she could tell that her friends liked Tara. Events, once again, were complicating that but they
liked her. This was the night out that they’d meant to have before Faith stole Buffy’s body.
And what wasn’t to like about it?
Willow’s mind was elsewhere when it came to rating Tara… she was far past ‘liked’ and soaring up into ‘adoration’ but tinted with ‘surprise’ all along the line.
Tara was always surprising her. Three things in the last few hours. The first, obviously, with Faith. The second just how
yummy Tara made that sweater look with her jeans (yay for the way she wore her girl-curves) and the third about
volunteering to sing.
That was something she’d absolutely not known and would never have guessed at. The one time she’d had cause to be in the shower block at the same time as Tara hadn’t exactly been a moment to sing…
But, on reflection, Tara was always humming and singing to herself when she thought no one was listening or she wasn’t interrupting anything else that was going on.
This was going to be good though.
“What are we doing?” Anya asked, sitting down next to her without being invited.
“Anya?”
“Yes. It’s me. We’re late because we were having sex.”
“Remind me to ask someone to talk to you about what TMI means, okay?” Willow asked.
“Okay, sure. Are they going to sing?”
“Umm, yeah. Xander’s…?”
“Getting drinks. He’s not getting you one.”
“Okay… thanks for sharing that.”
“Get your own boyfriend if you want to be bought drinks.”
“Okay. Will do.” She already had a full glass so it wasn’t worth arguing about.
“What are they singing?”
“Tell me
you know what the Muppets are?” Willow asked.
“Of course, very popular in the demon realms. The greatest cultural contribution of this reality in the last century . Why?”
“Nothing… just the backwards British guy doesn’t know Manamanama.”
“Manamanama?” Xander asked, sliding across her – much to Anya’s annoyance which she wasn’t slow to demonstrate – is that what they’re doing?”
“If they ever start,” Willow said. “Ooh!” The music had started, which silenced any further conversation. No way in the world were any of them going to miss this.
With Buffy and Tara looking at each other, waiting for the bouncing ball and then managing to get their timing – and pitch – just right…
“Do-doooo-do-do-do
Do-do-do!-do
Do-do-do-do-do do-do-do do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do”
“Manamanama!” which was the Englishman’s contribution to the performance. And he looked suitably embarrassed as it was made clear to him that his voice needed to go down… way down. The second time was a little better, but then by the third one everyone seemed happy with the guttural “Manamanama!”
Even Giles. There were cheers.
Because by the time they were getting most of the way through what was – opportunistically – being called a ‘song’ he was into it, swinging and almost dancing as the two girls leaned in close to him for their do-do’s.
Willow had never considered the phrase ‘it does my heart good’ before, but it did do her heart good to see Tara in amongst her friends, singing no less. And between she and Buffy, they were carrying as much of a tune as they needed to.
Maybe I need to ask her to sing for me.And Tara surely would, once freed of the artificial constraints that you don’t sing to your girlfriend. It was a rule, one Willow mostly applied to herself because, hello, nearly tone deaf. But it didn’t have to apply to Tara. Oh no.
The crowd in the bar seemed to split themselves into two groups, the girls joining in with Tara and Buffy, while the boys tried to out-do each other on how down and gravelly they could make their “Manamanama!”
All too quickly it was over though and they could milk the crowd’s appreciation for a minute before the next names were called out and they were heading back to the tables.
“Oooh, sushi,” Willow said as Tara passed her one of the two plates they’d been given in return for getting up to sing.
“I didn’t know you liked it?”
Willow grinned. “What’s not to like?” Yeah, so far there was only one person around this table who might read anything into that and he was far too ignorant of slang after 1970 to say anything.
“Hey, guys, guys, shut up a minute. I have something to say…” She looked at Tara, wanting her know that this was the time. This was the moment, but she had time for a taste, before Xander scoffed the lot.
Popping a piece into her mouth, she was all too quickly in a flood of tears as she virtually inhaled what must’ve been wasabi, stuck to the roll. It went right up her nose. “Hot. Hot. Hot.”
Tara’s hand in the small of her back didn’t help, that was one thing her girl couldn’t fix. Burning fire in her sinuses that felt like the only way it’d go away was if her brains slipped out and cleansed them all.
“Drink this,” Tara said, a little more practically.
Not seeing how it’d actually help, she did as she was told only for Tara to slap her on the back just as she was taking a deep drink and…
After the water had stopped running out of her nose, “Hey, that really helped but… oww.”
“S-sorry,” Tara said.
“You okay, Will? You’re looking a little green, kind of Wasabi colour,” Xander teased.
She nodded, still dribbling. Or was that dripping if it was her nose?
“I don’t know what you saw in her,” Anya said. “I mean… look at her.”
And everyone was. Not for the reason she’d wanted though. Damn it.
“Nothing to see here,” she gasped. The burn was still there, but lighter now, very much relieved.
“Exactly my point,” Anya said. “I have to say ‘thank you, Willow’, you’ve probably put Xander off you for life.”
Shaking her head, Willow just brushed it off. She hadn’t exactly covered the ‘Xander’ thing with Tara in any detail. But she had no reason to think that she’d actually be at all bothered. After all, they all their histories, except… Tara really didn’t. But that was a history in it’s own right. And she hadn’t enquired too much about it.
Not meeting the right person, that was explanation enough.
And you know what, it applied to her just as much as to Tara. Right up to now… After all ‘not meeting the right person’ was something that either didn’t happen to you or did happen and you found out the hard way.
“Wh-what were you going to say?” Tara asked when she’d recovered enough to talk properly.
This was like the text book on how to ruin a perfect moment though. Triumph, that was what she’d been about to exploit. They’d come through something bad and Tara had been the one to get them through it, otherwise how would they have swapped Faith and Buffy back? That was all Tara and with everyone realising that, with the triumph, hadn’t now been the perfect moment to tell everyone the perfect news? After the singing?
Except…
She had burning sinuses and water coming out of her nose.
Everyone, you know Tara. She’s not only a powerful, witch and nice girl, but she’s the person – woman – girl – I’ve fallen for – fallen in love with. Me and her… we’re together – lesbians together – lesbians - gay type people – gay lovers – in love.And it’d started out so well, she’d planned and thought everything would just… flow. Then Wasabi. Curses on the stuff.
Still, better than the time she inhaled that rice and Buffy had to give her the Heimlich. She’d thought her ribs might crack.
Maybe, on reflection, maybe sushi wasn’t her friend.
------------------------------
“I was going to do it.”
“I know y-you were.”
“I
wanted to do it.”
“I heard,” Tara promised. “I heard you. You were ambushed.”
“Yes,” Willow latched onto it. “I was ambushed, by Wasabi. You know, me and sushi? There’s bad blood there. I shouldn’t have had any, after all it was you three that went up there. I hadn’t earned it and because I hadn’t karma came back to bite me with a fiery nasal cavity.”
Tara smiled. “You know I don’t mind.”
“You don’t mind
anything,” Willow said as they neatly sidestepped someone intent of getting into a power-bar but struggling with the packaging. Horrible things.
“That’s n-not true, I mind lots of things,” Tara said.
“Then you don’t complain, not ever.”
“I might, if you keep putting me on a p-pedestal.”
“Is that what I’m doing?” Willow asked, seeming part amused and part curious at the idea.
“I’m not perfect, Willow.”
“I think you’d have to let me be the judge of that.”
“You’re biased.”
“It’s true, I am. So go on, make your case, Tara Maclay. Convince me that you’re not perfect. Maybe I’ll just leave you right now and stop returning your calls.”
“I don’t c-call you.”
“Okay… that’s true. But it’s not a flaw. I prefer seeing you to just hearing you. I’m a very visual person. I’m all about them inventing the practical video phone.”
“W-words, I sometimes have trouble with words. You m-might have noticed.”
“Me too,” Willow replied. “I can just go on and on and on… usually till I get right off the topic and everyone’s lost. But I’m stopping now, before that happens.”
“I’m shy.”
“And it was adorable.”
“Was?” Tara asked. Adorable she could imagine, Willow had waxed lyrical more than once about the first time that their eyes really met. And she felt the same way, how could she not? Seeing simple, immediate connection and – what she now knew be – adoration in that moment… Adorable was the right word. But now it was past tense?
“You’re not so shy as you like to think, you’ve been coming out of your shell,” Willow said. “Which is ironic, being as every time I try to come out something gets in the way and just spoils the moment.”
“I know you’re trying,” Tara said, squeezing her. “You think I’m not shy though?”
“I have news for you, shy girls don’t – as a rule – get up and sing Muppet Karaoke. I think that’s in the shy-girl handbook, your warranty is invalidated and your membership revoked from the Shy Girls of America when you get up and do that. They’re not very happy with you.”
What could she do but laugh? “I’m in t-trouble?”
“You were one of their brightest stars,” Willow said. “But that shy smile was just too adorable – I mentioned adorable, right?”
“Uhuh.”
“Your smile was too adorable and there was no way that you could keep to yourself.”
“I’m a failure as a shy girl,” Tara said. “It’s true.”
“I love you anyway. Anything else you want to try and persuade me of? More flaws? I mean, come on, lets get them all out there. I’ll refute each and every one of them as anything but the perfection that is you.”
Tara considered. She’d laid the biggies on the table and Willow had brushed them aside.
Well, not
all the biggies.
I’m a demon.“I’m not very… experienced.”
“Me neither, and we’ll fix that one anyway,” Willow said, all conspiratorial.
“I don’t have as many friends as you.”
“As of tonight… probably yeah, you do. You just don’t realise it yet.”
“J-Jokes,” Tara said, now reaching the point where she was dredging the bottom of the barrel.
“What jokes?”
“See! There, I don’t tell jokes.”
Willow pursed her lips and thought about it, Tara could almost see an analysis of all their time together going on and that was already some significant time… thankfully. “No, sorry… you’re wrong.”
“I told a joke?”
“Third date,” Willow said. “You sprang it on me on the third date. I hadn’t realised that you were such an old-fashioned kind of girl, waiting for that long before our first joke. I really thought you were the kind who’d put out on the first date.”
She had to grin, what else was she going to do? “I couldn’t see much to joke about in the laundry room, let alone putting out. It just seemed… wrong.”
“That wasn’t our first date,” Willow reminded her. “We decided that, remember? That was more like ‘hi, I’m terrified, your terrified, want to run down here, get to know each other a little, make out, and your lips are very soft, mmm, that does feel good.’
“That was the laundry room. Definitely not a date, why would you ever say that?”
“Oh… right. What joke did I tell anyway?”
“On the third date, which I guess
you’re calling the fourth…?”
Maybe that was a flaw? Maybe Willow would have to admit defeat if they couldn’t agree on that? If they were looking at things that differently, maybe they’d just have to accept it or move on…
“It was the play on words, about the Fae paranumeral/perambulator? I still can’t help smiling when I think of that.”
“You can’t help smiling when you think of
me,” Tara corrected.
“Oh, you noticed that too?”
“I think it’s adorable,” Tara said, mimicking her in just about every way.
“It’s not my fault,” Willow said. “It’s not my fault. Giles told me about it and then I went and looked at myself in the mirror and he’s right, you’re both right. I think of you and… Look, I’m doing it now. Silly smile.”
“Sweet smile.”
“It makes me look like I’m dippy,” Willow said.
“Is that a b-bad thing?”
“It would be,” Willow said, moving right up against her. “If it wasn’t
you that was making me dippy.”
“I like that,” Tara replied, leaning right back into her.
“You really do.”
“It’s part of the Willow umm-package.”
“True, it absolutely is. There’s no way that you can have one part without the other and I
know that you’re into all my parts.”
“Every last one,” Tara breathed, anticipation was rising in her. “Well – except - ”
“So… are you going to kiss me or do I have to, like, grab you?” Willow asked.
“Guess I’m going to kiss you,” Tara said. Naturally once she’d announced her decision she was required to follow through, otherwise she’d be nothing but a tease and Willow didn’t have the patience for much by way of teasing. This she’s discovered, learned and was willing to put into practice.
“Don’t guess,” Willow breathed, pulling her by her belt towards her, against the wall of the dorm.
“Thought you’d want to g-go upstairs - ”
But Willow’s intent was plain enough. Kisses. Lesbian gay type kisses. Lips. Together. She’d heard the monologue, felt it put into practice often enough. Remembered that Willow was always following her. When her lips stayed closed, so did Willow’s. When she opened them, so did Willow. When her tongue… so did Willow’s.
And so she kissed her, leading both their enjoyment of the simple intimacy. Depriving both of them of enough breath over several minutes that when they broke from their clinch, it seemed like they’d been lightly jogging. Snatching for air, just a little.
“You’re the one smiling now,” Willow said.
“Of course, b-but you should look in a mirror.” Rather than that, Tara ran her fingertip lightly around the lines of Willow’s smile. Showing it to her, but Willow seemed much more interested in trying to kiss the fingertip, finally catching it between her lips.
“I love you can do that,” Tara said.
“What?”
“Be… you. Out here. Where anyone will see us.”
“You don’t seem much of a shrinking violet either,” Willow said.
She was, really. Kissing
anyone was still a new thing and in the same way that she could get up on stage and enjoy herself in front of lots of people who didn’t know her by singing along, yeah, she could kiss Willow. A lot. But… this seemed a little different. Sucking on the end of her finger… It just seemed like a step beyond a kiss and a little out of her comfort zone because of it.
Not that she actually
stopped Willow from doing it, but when her face must’ve flickered Willow had stopped for herself. And, maybe, she didn’t mind what Willow did. She just wouldn’t have done the same thing in her place.
That was what made them different and unique though.
“Sorry,” Tara said.
“Ohhhh, Tara.”
Oh-oh. Yeah… that.
“Sorry,” she said again, but that just made it worse.
“We’ve been through this, baby,” Willow said. “We have. You do something really wrong, I’ll appreciate your apology and we’ll kiss and make up and everything will be good as new - with kisses. But we talked about this, didn’t we?”
Tara had to nod.
“We said, you don’t need to apologise for things that aren’t your fault, didn’t we?”
Once again, a nod.
“And you know what we said might happen if you did.”
“Uhuh.”
“Well?”
“What? Here?”
“I told you, you agreed. You thought it was a good idea. Well, what sort of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t carry through on a promise that’s just for your own good?”
“You’re enj-enjoying this, far too much,” Tara said.
“Well, if you want to wait until we get inside…” Willow said.
But no. That would just be worse now wouldn’t it? Who knew how playful Willow might get about things given that chance… And that was somewhere Tara was comfortable, in her own mind, that she didn’t need to go. Especially in the circumstances that might involve a bed and considerably less clothing.
“No.” Keep it simple. Keep it clean. Keep it… out of the bedroom. That was tougher when all you had was a bedroom and a communal bathroom. Everything else was… outside.
“So?”
Reluctantly Tara turned her back to Willow and before she’d even settled herself found her ass being spanked. Once, then again. Hardly strong enough to be an effective chastisement. But the chance that someone might’ve seen it? That was more of a worry than anything else. She didn’t want to be the girl who enjoyed lesbian spanking.
Lesbian, sure, by all means. But spanking? No… that wasn’t her at all.
The third ‘stroke’ turned into almost exactly that, resulting in Willow pinching her butt and making her shriek and devolve into laughter. “It’s for your own good,” Willow insisted when she protested.
“Just wait until you get crumbs in bed again,” Tara said, allowing herself to be pulled in to another embrace. This one coloured by even deeper tenderness, almost as if Willow wanted to apologise.
“I can’t wait…”
And there it was. She wasn’t – quite – sure whether Willow was joking. After all they
were different people. And they’d not exactly finished their… explorations. Indeed, they were only just getting started.
“You’ll just have to,” Tara said. “I’m serious about the crumbs. R-really.”
“I know. It’s usually me that has to lie in them.”
“So you know to stop…”
Willow got, if it was possible, even more playful. “I promise to do better if you let me stay tonight.”
“Let you?” Tara asked.
“You’re right… you’ve got no choice. No choice at all.” A kiss sealed the deal. “Come on, I want to go to bed.”
“Sleepy?” Tara asked.
“What do you think?”
*******************