[QUOTE]Originally posted by Mally B:
[B]I'm a gay girl, and sometimes I get this wierd like pent up anger towards bisexuals. Maybe I'm just jealous that they can still have crushes on guys. Anyway, the reason I could never a date a bisexual: Not only could I lose them to any girl in the world (theoretically) but also any guy in the world. Basically, instead of having to worry about half the population, i'd have to worry about the whole population.
By the same token a Bi women/man could say "why limit my options?" Hummm..An earler post commented (sorry I would have quoted you but I have alove hate relasionship with the edit button) that it was the Hetro-privilage of the bisexual that is the problem. I totaly agree, as a bisexual, I have been on the bad end of "He gets to meet the parents, and I don't"... let me tell you it sucks However that is really not the point, people fall in love with each other, I would like to think independant of their gender.
------------------
Edited cuase I too am a moron
Ad astea per asta
[This message has been edited by Karzia (edited March 13, 2002).]
IP: Logged
neta Blessed Wannabe
Posts: 20 Registered: Feb 2002 | posted March 13, 2002 06:31 I'm sure that there are some bisexuals who like having the best of both worlds and will take advantage of that. I also understand the concern that can go with that not only can you lose someone to another woman you could possibly lose that person to a man. I guess it all depends on who you fall in love with... if you fall in love with them and are not just using them as an experiment or just for kicks, cause that would be wrong.I also understand why some lesbians, or also straight men might not understand bisexual women, cause I could be labeled as a bisexual woman and I don't understand me as far as that area goes. For as long as I can remember I have been attracted to women but I have only dated guy's. I tried to ignore my thoughts and feelings concerning women but that didn't work and right now they are stonger than they ever were. But I have also been attracted and loved some of the guy's I've dated. I would really like to be able to say that I just liked women or I just like men, that would complicate things less for me cause I really hate sitting on the fence with this and I am sure that there are some other women that also feel the same way. There may come a day that I do end up having a gf and I will say to myself "What was I thinking going out with guys." I don't know, it could happen. *smile* I just know that there are never any guarantees that relationships are going to work out, no matter who you are involved with. I would hope that everyone would approach the relationship that they find themselves in with openness and the best of intentions, to love and be loved. What is the point with all my rambling. Well I'm not sure if I made one. LOL. It's 5:30 a.m. where I'm at now and I don't know if I am making any sense at all but I wanted to reply to this topic for several days now. So I finally found some courage and did. I hope I wasn't to incoherent this morning, which I sometimes am at this hour. So I'm off to bed now. IP: Logged |
buffelina Cool Monster Fighter
Posts: 197 Registered: Oct 2001 | posted March 13, 2002 10:25 quote: Originally posted by dusty: I agree, although sometimes I think even that seems a little two-dimensional. I don't even feel that the world bisexual alwyas describes me (which is why I use the word queer mostly), because not only does it imply a gender binary, but it also implies that gender is a foundation for my sexual orientation. I'm not saying I am never attracted to people because of something relating to their gender, but there are a whole host of other factors in sexual orientation (for example, if someone is a lesbian, they are not attracted to *all* women, so there must be other limiting factors). Gender just seems to be the only one society places much importance in. I definitely like what you said in your post, but I just wanted to say that I see at as something even more multi-dimensional than just a line from male to female.
Actually, a spectrum may not be the right example to use since its linear (and we all know linear thinking produces binaries including gender and sexual identity binaries). Rather I see it as something more cyclical, all-inclusive, multiple, flexible, and fluid. Something that breaks down linear binaries and boundaries. Indeed, as you suggest the "continuum" is problematic. Thanks for addressing this.
IP: Logged |
dusty Doll's Eye Crystal
Posts: 52 Registered: Oct 2001 | posted March 13, 2002 11:22 quote: Originally posted by buffelina: Actually, a spectrum may not be the right example to use since its linear (and we all know linear thinking produces binaries including gender and sexual identity binaries). Rather I see it as something more cyclical, all-inclusive, multiple, flexible, and fluid. Something that breaks down linear binaries and boundaries.
Oooh, I like that idea. I know some people see their sexuality as more fixed, or maybe fitting into a more linear scale, but I don't feel that way at all, and definitely identify with what you just described.
IP: Logged |
tommo Lesbian Gay Type Lover
Posts: 6092 Registered: Sep 2000 | posted March 13, 2002 12:34 Hmmm...okay. You fall in love with who you fall in love with, right? That's clear. Now, I've only ever been in love with women, so I call myself gay. Sure, I went through the whole thing with guys when I was younger, but you know, they never really made me feel anything. Certainly not in the same way that women do.For me, being gay isn't just a sexual issue, it's also an emotional one. When I look at the rest of my life, I see myself with a woman, merely because right now, I can't imagine myself without her. Things don't work when I'm not with her, you know? I've never met a man who could make me feel that way. I know this all sounds really simplistic of me, and that sexuality is probably a lot more complicated than that, but I just felt the need to bring it down to a basic level. There are men that I find attractive, in the same way that you straight women might find other women attractive. It's kind of sexually benign. It's harmless. It's just "oh look, he's pretty" kind of thing... As for the way I feel about bisexual women? Honestly, it's not a problem to me. If someone is going to take the trouble to commit to me, then they're going to commit to me, you know? On the whole it doesn't matter whether they've been with a woman before or never been with a woman if they love me. I liked the post that relationships break down because they're just not working. That's so true. Having a relationship with a gay woman is just as tenuous as having one with a bisexual woman. Being gay doesn't necessarily make you automatically faithful, or want to stay with that person forever. And if a relationship's going to end, then it's just going to end. From personal experience, I once dated a bisexual woman who left me for a guy. It hurt, because I knew I would never be able to compete with that. I'm not a man. I'll never be a man. I couldn't even attempt to be a man for her. I didn't want to. People's sexuality doesn't really bother me on the whole. But then you know, I'm talking from the privileged position of having been in a relationship for almost two years. And sure, no relationship is "safe" all of the time. Trusting a gay woman, for me, is just as hard as trusting anyone I choose to give my heart to. But that's life, you know? I kind of get the impression that people might think bisexual woman are somehow less reliable than gay women. Well fine. That's one way of putting it. On the whole though, I pretty much find that people are as reliable as you let them be, no matter what their sexuality or sexual preference. Having said that, and I know this sounds stupid; I think I'm happier in a relationship with a gay woman than I would be with a bisexual woman. Certainly given the comparisons between my experiences I am. But hey, I've changed since that time anyway, so it could be me, heh heh. Oh, and the other motivating factor for me being gay? Breasts. ------------------ You know I've been through hell...Joss can't you see, there'll be nothing left of me. You made me believe... IP: Logged |
EvilAnya Cool Monster Fighter
Posts: 235 Registered: Oct 2000 | posted March 13, 2002 15:57 I really liked what Dusty and Buffelina had to say, you put my thoughts into words better than i could. Buffelina--I'm going to go see the Vagina Monologues at southern, i saw you started a post about having a part. Do you go there? as soon as i found out there was possibly another kitten going there I've been on the lookout "hmmm, does she look like a kitten?" IP: Logged |
La Cool Monster Fighter
Posts: 233 Registered: Nov 2001 | posted March 13, 2002 18:50 quote: Originally posted by tommo: Oh, and the other motivating factor for me being gay? Breasts.
Oh you crack me up! It's definitely, definitely about the breasts. ------------------ ~La "No good sittin' worryin' abou' it. What's comin' will come, an' we'll meet it when it does." ~Hagrid, from "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". IP: Logged |
whisper unregistered | posted March 14, 2002 01:27 I've just gotten to know this forum tonight and I am very impressed with the level of intelligence and maturity here. I'm almost definitely going to register soon. Here are the random comments I've managed to keep in mind as I read the thread...I was glad to see people that agree with the continuum concept of sexuality I have long held to be superior to labling. I was then overjoyed to see dusty's articulation of an even truer picture of said concept. The issue has been raised that "fence-sitting" or sexual confusion is an issue, be it stereotypical or not, that plagues the name of bisexuals. The way I see it: are bisexuals confused? Definately. So are heterosexuals and homosexuals. It takes more than a lifetime to understand human love and sexuality. Everyone has something that they're confused about with regard to relationships and it feels absurd to me to judge anyone for not having everything figured out, be it about orientation, the nature of intimacy, or whatever. IP: Logged |
tommo Lesbian Gay Type Lover
Posts: 6092 Registered: Sep 2000 | posted March 14, 2002 01:50 I'm confused as to why I don't get more dates. I put out. I write smut. What's the problem? ------------------ You know I've been through hell...Joss can't you see, there'll be nothing left of me. You made me believe... IP: Logged |
shellybean Cool Monster Fighter
Posts: 292 Registered: May 2001 | posted March 14, 2002 03:49 I totally agree with what you said dusty. I think that you fall in love with the PERSON not the gender. A persons gender may make a person more appealing to some, but I believe that you fall in love with the person inside. And visitor, I haven't come out to my parents or sister yet either and my sister is my best friend in the whole world. I think that's why it was easier to tell my friends and not her because I'm too afraid that I'd lose her if I did. ------------------ "Hi Tara, How are you? I was wondering if maybe you want to go out sometime? For coffee? food? kissing and gay love?" Willow practicing asking Tara out "Normal Again" IP: Logged |
catalyxt Blessed Wannabe
Posts: 15 Registered: Mar 2002 | posted March 14, 2002 03:51 I think tommo has said a lot of what I would post, so I won't bore you all with a recap. Kudos to you, btw--very well put. But I will add a few things:Sexual identity is something that only you can really decide on. As someone told me once, "Yeah, I can decide only to date guys, but that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to women. I can't change what I want, only how I act upon those wants." When it comes down to it, whether you call yourself bi, straight, gay, queer, opportunist, whatever label you want to adorn yourself with, however you choose to define yourself, it's a question of whether you are labeling yourself for your own self-identity, etc., purposes or for other's consumption.*smile* If you're doing it for yourself, to affirm your identity and what you want, that is great. If you're doing it for others as an easy way to let them know what category you fit in so you both know where you stand, that's great, too--both serve a purpose, the only danger is when you're so eager to fit into an easily understood category that you don't heed what you want, and you let those labels constrain what you feel you can do. Remember, your sexuality is only one aspect of the puzzle that is you, and not the defining one unless you really want it to be so. I mean, how often do you go up to people and introduce yourself as, " Hi, I'm X, I'm a *blank*," as if all of you could be summed up in that statement, versus telling them about other aspects of yourself? As a lesbian who has dated bisexual women, and been around others who have done the same, I'd have to say that most prejudice in the "community" seems to center around insecurities (which are certainly universal across the relationship spectrum), and around the heterosexual privilege, in terms of that option always being available, and easier in societal terms--as one person said, "It's an easy out." What it really comes down to once you get past the LUG, or what I call "bi-tourist" years, is what you want in a relationship and in life. If what you want can't be met in a relationship with someone of a particular gender and you'll be unhappy in that "lifestyle" then it is definitely something to consider when you're getting into the relationship. But then, how can you know if something you could get out of that relationship wouldn't be something you would need or want more? And that, of course, is the clincher...I have to admit, I definitely have a preference for dating someone who would consider a long-term relationship with a woman in the abstract a viable option in their life, whatever our personal relationship turned out to be...but sometimes you don't really know what's possible or what you want until you've taken a chance...and that does lead to that horrible spectre of disappointment occasionally. Going into a relationship with expectations of a happily ever after ending is not really the way to go, but having a vision of what you want or need in life and a relationship in order to be a whole and complete person is definitely something I'd recommend--whatever gender you get involved with. Sometimes, cliched as it may be, loving someone isn't enough, wanting to be with someone isn't enough.--At least, not if you don't want what comes with loving that person. It really is a package deal. I guess the best advice I can give to anyone in this position is to keep an open mind and take everyone on a case-by-case basis and afford yourself the same generosity. After all, it's hardly as if all *insert label of choice*s are carbon copies of one another that never deviate or *gasp* change, and it's rather naive to act as if that were the case. Don't think you have to have it all sorted out and put in a static list form with perfect spacing and capitalization before you get into a relationship, or ever, because that just isn't realistic. *shrug* You meet someone, you're attracted, you go from there....kind of along the lines of what April said...*grin* Best of luck. ------------------ "She wears her wild side like a cheap perfume"-AV IP: Logged |
Dr.G Lesbian Gay Type Lover
Posts: 4529 Registered: Jan 2001 | posted March 14, 2002 05:07 Wonderful post Catalyxt. I would have encouraged you to post in the intro thread, but I see you already did. heh.IP: Logged |
Karzia Doll's Eye Crystal
Posts: 86 Registered: Mar 2002 | posted March 14, 2002 09:13 quote: Originally posted by tommo: I'm confused as to why I don't get more dates. I put out. I write smut. What's the problem?
Sweetie, move to Nebraska, I'll get you a date, and problly get you laid Hey check it out I am a dolls eye crystal cool. ------------------ Ad astea per asta [This message has been edited by Karzia (edited March 14, 2002).] IP: Logged |
Enigmatic Doll's Eye Crystal
Posts: 97 Registered: Nov 2001 | posted March 14, 2002 09:27 quote: Originally posted by tommo: I'm confused as to why I don't get more dates. I put out. I write smut. What's the problem?
If I wasn't only 17 years old and didn't live 8000 km away from you, then I would date you Ruth!!
IP: Logged |
tommo Lesbian Gay Type Lover
Posts: 6092 Registered: Sep 2000 | posted March 14, 2002 11:31 Heh, thanks love. I have a girlfriend. What in frilly heck am I talking about? ------------------ You know I've been through hell...Joss can't you see, there'll be nothing left of me. You made me believe... IP: Logged |
Pixie Willowhand
Posts: 455 Registered: Jan 2002 | posted March 14, 2002 11:39 Ah Ruth, our own little whore. IP: Logged |
IP: LoggednetaBlessed Wannabe
Posts: 20
Registered: Feb 2002 posted March 13, 2002 06:31
I'm sure that there are some bisexuals who like having the best of both worlds and will take advantage of that. I also understand the concern that can go with that not only can you lose someone to another woman you could possibly lose that person to a man. I guess it all depends on who you fall in love with... if you fall in love with them and are not just using them as an experiment or just for kicks, cause that would be wrong.I also understand why some lesbians, or also straight men might not understand bisexual women, cause I could be labeled as a bisexual woman and I don't understand me as far as that area goes. For as long as I can remember I have been attracted to women but I have only dated guy's. I tried to ignore my thoughts and feelings concerning women but that didn't work and right now they are stonger than they ever were. But I have also been attracted and loved some of the guy's I've dated. I would really like to be able to say that I just liked women or I just like men, that would complicate things less for me cause I really hate sitting on the fence with this and I am sure that there are some other women that also feel the same way. There may come a day that I do end up having a gf and I will say to myself "What was I thinking going out with guys." I don't know, it could happen. *smile*
I just know that there are never any guarantees that relationships are going to work out, no matter who you are involved with. I would hope that everyone would approach the relationship that they find themselves in with openness and the best of intentions, to love and be loved.
What is the point with all my rambling. Well I'm not sure if I made one. LOL. It's 5:30 a.m. where I'm at now and I don't know if I am making any sense at all but I wanted to reply to this topic for several days now. So I finally found some courage and did.
I hope I wasn't to incoherent this morning, which I sometimes am at this hour. So I'm off to bed now.
IP: Logged
posted March 13, 2002 06:31 I'm sure that there are some bisexuals who like having the best of both worlds and will take advantage of that. I also understand the concern that can go with that not only can you lose someone to another woman you could possibly lose that person to a man. I guess it all depends on who you fall in love with... if you fall in love with them and are not just using them as an experiment or just for kicks, cause that would be wrong.I also understand why some lesbians, or also straight men might not understand bisexual women, cause I could be labeled as a bisexual woman and I don't understand me as far as that area goes. For as long as I can remember I have been attracted to women but I have only dated guy's. I tried to ignore my thoughts and feelings concerning women but that didn't work and right now they are stonger than they ever were. But I have also been attracted and loved some of the guy's I've dated. I would really like to be able to say that I just liked women or I just like men, that would complicate things less for me cause I really hate sitting on the fence with this and I am sure that there are some other women that also feel the same way. There may come a day that I do end up having a gf and I will say to myself "What was I thinking going out with guys." I don't know, it could happen. *smile*
I just know that there are never any guarantees that relationships are going to work out, no matter who you are involved with. I would hope that everyone would approach the relationship that they find themselves in with openness and the best of intentions, to love and be loved.
What is the point with all my rambling. Well I'm not sure if I made one. LOL. It's 5:30 a.m. where I'm at now and I don't know if I am making any sense at all but I wanted to reply to this topic for several days now. So I finally found some courage and did.
I hope I wasn't to incoherent this morning, which I sometimes am at this hour. So I'm off to bed now.
IP: LoggedbuffelinaCool Monster Fighter
Posts: 197
Registered: Oct 2001 posted March 13, 2002 10:25
quote:
Originally posted by dusty:
I agree, although sometimes I think even that seems a little two-dimensional. I don't even feel that the world bisexual alwyas describes me (which is why I use the word queer mostly), because not only does it imply a gender binary, but it also implies that gender is a foundation for my sexual orientation. I'm not saying I am never attracted to people because of something relating to their gender, but there are a whole host of other factors in sexual orientation (for example, if someone is a lesbian, they are not attracted to *all* women, so there must be other limiting factors). Gender just seems to be the only one society places much importance in. I definitely like what you said in your post, but I just wanted to say that I see at as something even more multi-dimensional than just a line from male to female.
Actually, a spectrum may not be the right example to use since its linear (and we all know linear thinking produces binaries including gender and sexual identity binaries). Rather I see it as something more cyclical, all-inclusive, multiple, flexible, and fluid. Something that breaks down linear binaries and boundaries. Indeed, as you suggest the "continuum" is problematic. Thanks for addressing this.
IP: Logged
posted March 13, 2002 10:25 quote:
Originally posted by dusty:
I agree, although sometimes I think even that seems a little two-dimensional. I don't even feel that the world bisexual alwyas describes me (which is why I use the word queer mostly), because not only does it imply a gender binary, but it also implies that gender is a foundation for my sexual orientation. I'm not saying I am never attracted to people because of something relating to their gender, but there are a whole host of other factors in sexual orientation (for example, if someone is a lesbian, they are not attracted to *all* women, so there must be other limiting factors). Gender just seems to be the only one society places much importance in. I definitely like what you said in your post, but I just wanted to say that I see at as something even more multi-dimensional than just a line from male to female.
Actually, a spectrum may not be the right example to use since its linear (and we all know linear thinking produces binaries including gender and sexual identity binaries). Rather I see it as something more cyclical, all-inclusive, multiple, flexible, and fluid. Something that breaks down linear binaries and boundaries. Indeed, as you suggest the "continuum" is problematic. Thanks for addressing this.
quote:IP: LoggeddustyDoll's Eye Crystal
Posts: 52
Registered: Oct 2001 posted March 13, 2002 11:22
quote:
Originally posted by buffelina:
Actually, a spectrum may not be the right example to use since its linear (and we all know linear thinking produces binaries including gender and sexual identity binaries). Rather I see it as something more cyclical, all-inclusive, multiple, flexible, and fluid. Something that breaks down linear binaries and boundaries.
Oooh, I like that idea. I know some people see their sexuality as more fixed, or maybe fitting into a more linear scale, but I don't feel that way at all, and definitely identify with what you just described.
IP: Logged
posted March 13, 2002 11:22 quote:
Originally posted by buffelina:
Actually, a spectrum may not be the right example to use since its linear (and we all know linear thinking produces binaries including gender and sexual identity binaries). Rather I see it as something more cyclical, all-inclusive, multiple, flexible, and fluid. Something that breaks down linear binaries and boundaries.
Oooh, I like that idea. I know some people see their sexuality as more fixed, or maybe fitting into a more linear scale, but I don't feel that way at all, and definitely identify with what you just described.
quote:IP: LoggedtommoLesbian Gay Type Lover
Posts: 6092
Registered: Sep 2000 posted March 13, 2002 12:34
Hmmm...okay. You fall in love with who you fall in love with, right? That's clear. Now, I've only ever been in love with women, so I call myself gay. Sure, I went through the whole thing with guys when I was younger, but you know, they never really made me feel anything. Certainly not in the same way that women do.For me, being gay isn't just a sexual issue, it's also an emotional one. When I look at the rest of my life, I see myself with a woman, merely because right now, I can't imagine myself without her. Things don't work when I'm not with her, you know? I've never met a man who could make me feel that way.
I know this all sounds really simplistic of me, and that sexuality is probably a lot more complicated than that, but I just felt the need to bring it down to a basic level.
There are men that I find attractive, in the same way that you straight women might find other women attractive. It's kind of sexually benign. It's harmless. It's just "oh look, he's pretty" kind of thing...
As for the way I feel about bisexual women? Honestly, it's not a problem to me. If someone is going to take the trouble to commit to me, then they're going to commit to me, you know? On the whole it doesn't matter whether they've been with a woman before or never been with a woman if they love me.
I liked the post that relationships break down because they're just not working. That's so true. Having a relationship with a gay woman is just as tenuous as having one with a bisexual woman. Being gay doesn't necessarily make you automatically faithful, or want to stay with that person forever. And if a relationship's going to end, then it's just going to end.
From personal experience, I once dated a bisexual woman who left me for a guy. It hurt, because I knew I would never be able to compete with that. I'm not a man. I'll never be a man. I couldn't even attempt to be a man for her. I didn't want to.
People's sexuality doesn't really bother me on the whole. But then you know, I'm talking from the privileged position of having been in a relationship for almost two years. And sure, no relationship is "safe" all of the time. Trusting a gay woman, for me, is just as hard as trusting anyone I choose to give my heart to. But that's life, you know?
I kind of get the impression that people might think bisexual woman are somehow less reliable than gay women. Well fine. That's one way of putting it. On the whole though, I pretty much find that people are as reliable as you let them be, no matter what their sexuality or sexual preference.
Having said that, and I know this sounds stupid; I think I'm happier in a relationship with a gay woman than I would be with a bisexual woman. Certainly given the comparisons between my experiences I am. But hey, I've changed since that time anyway, so it could be me, heh heh.
Oh, and the other motivating factor for me being gay? Breasts.
------------------
You know I've been through hell...Joss can't you see, there'll be nothing left of me. You made me believe...
IP: Logged
posted March 13, 2002 12:34 Hmmm...okay. You fall in love with who you fall in love with, right? That's clear. Now, I've only ever been in love with women, so I call myself gay. Sure, I went through the whole thing with guys when I was younger, but you know, they never really made me feel anything. Certainly not in the same way that women do.For me, being gay isn't just a sexual issue, it's also an emotional one. When I look at the rest of my life, I see myself with a woman, merely because right now, I can't imagine myself without her. Things don't work when I'm not with her, you know? I've never met a man who could make me feel that way.
I know this all sounds really simplistic of me, and that sexuality is probably a lot more complicated than that, but I just felt the need to bring it down to a basic level.
There are men that I find attractive, in the same way that you straight women might find other women attractive. It's kind of sexually benign. It's harmless. It's just "oh look, he's pretty" kind of thing...
As for the way I feel about bisexual women? Honestly, it's not a problem to me. If someone is going to take the trouble to commit to me, then they're going to commit to me, you know? On the whole it doesn't matter whether they've been with a woman before or never been with a woman if they love me.
I liked the post that relationships break down because they're just not working. That's so true. Having a relationship with a gay woman is just as tenuous as having one with a bisexual woman. Being gay doesn't necessarily make you automatically faithful, or want to stay with that person forever. And if a relationship's going to end, then it's just going to end.
From personal experience, I once dated a bisexual woman who left me for a guy. It hurt, because I knew I would never be able to compete with that. I'm not a man. I'll never be a man. I couldn't even attempt to be a man for her. I didn't want to.
People's sexuality doesn't really bother me on the whole. But then you know, I'm talking from the privileged position of having been in a relationship for almost two years. And sure, no relationship is "safe" all of the time. Trusting a gay woman, for me, is just as hard as trusting anyone I choose to give my heart to. But that's life, you know?
I kind of get the impression that people might think bisexual woman are somehow less reliable than gay women. Well fine. That's one way of putting it. On the whole though, I pretty much find that people are as reliable as you let them be, no matter what their sexuality or sexual preference.
Having said that, and I know this sounds stupid; I think I'm happier in a relationship with a gay woman than I would be with a bisexual woman. Certainly given the comparisons between my experiences I am. But hey, I've changed since that time anyway, so it could be me, heh heh.
Oh, and the other motivating factor for me being gay? Breasts.
------------------
You know I've been through hell...Joss can't you see, there'll be nothing left of me. You made me believe...
IP: LoggedEvilAnyaCool Monster Fighter
Posts: 235
Registered: Oct 2000 posted March 13, 2002 15:57
I really liked what Dusty and Buffelina had to say, you put my thoughts into words better than i could. Buffelina--I'm going to go see the Vagina Monologues at southern, i saw you started a post about having a part. Do you go there? as soon as i found out there was possibly another kitten going there I've been on the lookout "hmmm, does she look like a kitten?" IP: Logged
posted March 13, 2002 15:57 I really liked what Dusty and Buffelina had to say, you put my thoughts into words better than i could. Buffelina--I'm going to go see the Vagina Monologues at southern, i saw you started a post about having a part. Do you go there? as soon as i found out there was possibly another kitten going there I've been on the lookout "hmmm, does she look like a kitten?" IP: LoggedLaCool Monster Fighter
Posts: 233
Registered: Nov 2001 posted March 13, 2002 18:50
quote:
Originally posted by tommo:
Oh, and the other motivating factor for me being gay? Breasts.
Oh you crack me up! It's definitely, definitely about the breasts.
------------------
~La
"No good sittin' worryin' abou' it. What's comin' will
come, an' we'll meet it when it does."
~Hagrid, from "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire".
IP: Logged
posted March 13, 2002 18:50 quote:
Originally posted by tommo:
Oh, and the other motivating factor for me being gay? Breasts.
Oh you crack me up! It's definitely, definitely about the breasts.
------------------
~La
"No good sittin' worryin' abou' it. What's comin' will
come, an' we'll meet it when it does."
~Hagrid, from "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire".
quote:IP: Loggedwhisperunregistered posted March 14, 2002 01:27
I've just gotten to know this forum tonight and I am very impressed with the level of intelligence and maturity here. I'm almost definitely going to register soon. Here are the random comments I've managed to keep in mind as I read the thread...I was glad to see people that agree with the continuum concept of sexuality I have long held to be superior to labling. I was then overjoyed to see dusty's articulation of an even truer picture of said concept.
The issue has been raised that "fence-sitting" or sexual confusion is an issue, be it stereotypical or not, that plagues the name of bisexuals. The way I see it: are bisexuals confused? Definately. So are heterosexuals and homosexuals. It takes more than a lifetime to understand human love and sexuality. Everyone has something that they're confused about with regard to relationships and it feels absurd to me to judge anyone for not having everything figured out, be it about orientation, the nature of intimacy, or whatever.
IP: Logged
posted March 14, 2002 01:27 I've just gotten to know this forum tonight and I am very impressed with the level of intelligence and maturity here. I'm almost definitely going to register soon. Here are the random comments I've managed to keep in mind as I read the thread...I was glad to see people that agree with the continuum concept of sexuality I have long held to be superior to labling. I was then overjoyed to see dusty's articulation of an even truer picture of said concept.
The issue has been raised that "fence-sitting" or sexual confusion is an issue, be it stereotypical or not, that plagues the name of bisexuals. The way I see it: are bisexuals confused? Definately. So are heterosexuals and homosexuals. It takes more than a lifetime to understand human love and sexuality. Everyone has something that they're confused about with regard to relationships and it feels absurd to me to judge anyone for not having everything figured out, be it about orientation, the nature of intimacy, or whatever.
IP: LoggedtommoLesbian Gay Type Lover
Posts: 6092
Registered: Sep 2000 posted March 14, 2002 01:50
I'm confused as to why I don't get more dates. I put out. I write smut. What's the problem? ------------------
You know I've been through hell...Joss can't you see, there'll be nothing left of me. You made me believe...
IP: Logged
posted March 14, 2002 01:50 I'm confused as to why I don't get more dates. I put out. I write smut. What's the problem? ------------------
You know I've been through hell...Joss can't you see, there'll be nothing left of me. You made me believe...
IP: LoggedshellybeanCool Monster Fighter
Posts: 292
Registered: May 2001 posted March 14, 2002 03:49
I totally agree with what you said dusty. I think that you fall in love with the PERSON not the gender. A persons gender may make a person more appealing to some, but I believe that you fall in love with the person inside.
And visitor, I haven't come out to my parents or sister yet either and my sister is my best friend in the whole world. I think that's why it was easier to tell my friends and not her because I'm too afraid that I'd lose her if I did. ------------------
"Hi Tara, How are you? I was wondering if maybe you want to go out sometime? For coffee? food? kissing and gay love?"
Willow practicing asking Tara out
"Normal Again"
IP: Logged
posted March 14, 2002 03:49 I totally agree with what you said dusty. I think that you fall in love with the PERSON not the gender. A persons gender may make a person more appealing to some, but I believe that you fall in love with the person inside.
And visitor, I haven't come out to my parents or sister yet either and my sister is my best friend in the whole world. I think that's why it was easier to tell my friends and not her because I'm too afraid that I'd lose her if I did. ------------------
"Hi Tara, How are you? I was wondering if maybe you want to go out sometime? For coffee? food? kissing and gay love?"
Willow practicing asking Tara out
"Normal Again"
IP: LoggedcatalyxtBlessed Wannabe
Posts: 15
Registered: Mar 2002 posted March 14, 2002 03:51
I think tommo has said a lot of what I would post, so I won't bore you all with a recap. Kudos to you, btw--very well put.
But I will add a few things:Sexual identity is something that only you can really decide on. As someone told me once, "Yeah, I can decide only to date guys, but that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to women. I can't change what I want, only how I act upon those wants."
When it comes down to it, whether you call yourself bi, straight, gay, queer, opportunist, whatever label you want to adorn yourself with, however you choose to define yourself, it's a question of whether you are labeling yourself for your own self-identity, etc., purposes or for other's consumption.*smile* If you're doing it for yourself, to affirm your identity and what you want, that is great. If you're doing it for others as an easy way to let them know what category you fit in so you both know where you stand, that's great, too--both serve a purpose, the only danger is when you're so eager to fit into an easily understood category that you don't heed what you want, and you let those labels constrain what you feel you can do.
Remember, your sexuality is only one aspect of the puzzle that is you, and not the defining one unless you really want it to be so. I mean, how often do you go up to people and introduce yourself as, " Hi, I'm X, I'm a *blank*," as if all of you could be summed up in that statement, versus telling them about other aspects of yourself?
As a lesbian who has dated bisexual women, and been around others who have done the same, I'd have to say that most prejudice in the "community" seems to center around insecurities (which are certainly universal across the relationship spectrum), and around the heterosexual privilege, in terms of that option always being available, and easier in societal terms--as one person said, "It's an easy out."
What it really comes down to once you get past the LUG, or what I call "bi-tourist" years, is what you want in a relationship and in life. If what you want can't be met in a relationship with someone of a particular gender and you'll be unhappy in that "lifestyle" then it is definitely something to consider when you're getting into the relationship.
But then, how can you know if something you could get out of that relationship wouldn't be something you would need or want more?
And that, of course, is the clincher...I have to admit, I definitely have a preference for dating someone who would consider a long-term relationship with a woman in the abstract a viable option in their life, whatever our personal relationship turned out to be...but sometimes you don't really know what's possible or what you want until you've taken a chance...and that does lead to that horrible spectre of disappointment occasionally.
Going into a relationship with expectations of a happily ever after ending is not really the way to go, but having a vision of what you want or need in life and a relationship in order to be a whole and complete person is definitely something I'd recommend--whatever gender you get involved with. Sometimes, cliched as it may be, loving someone isn't enough, wanting to be with someone isn't enough.--At least, not if you don't want what comes with loving that person. It really is a package deal.
I guess the best advice I can give to anyone in this position is to keep an open mind and take everyone on a case-by-case basis and afford yourself the same generosity. After all, it's hardly as if all *insert label of choice*s are carbon copies of one another that never deviate or *gasp* change, and it's rather naive to act as if that were the case.
Don't think you have to have it all sorted out and put in a static list form with perfect spacing and capitalization before you get into a relationship, or ever, because that just isn't realistic.
*shrug* You meet someone, you're attracted, you go from there....kind of along the lines of what April said...*grin*
Best of luck.
------------------
"She wears her wild side like a cheap perfume"-AV
IP: Logged
posted March 14, 2002 03:51 I think tommo has said a lot of what I would post, so I won't bore you all with a recap. Kudos to you, btw--very well put.
But I will add a few things:Sexual identity is something that only you can really decide on. As someone told me once, "Yeah, I can decide only to date guys, but that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to women. I can't change what I want, only how I act upon those wants."
When it comes down to it, whether you call yourself bi, straight, gay, queer, opportunist, whatever label you want to adorn yourself with, however you choose to define yourself, it's a question of whether you are labeling yourself for your own self-identity, etc., purposes or for other's consumption.*smile* If you're doing it for yourself, to affirm your identity and what you want, that is great. If you're doing it for others as an easy way to let them know what category you fit in so you both know where you stand, that's great, too--both serve a purpose, the only danger is when you're so eager to fit into an easily understood category that you don't heed what you want, and you let those labels constrain what you feel you can do.
Remember, your sexuality is only one aspect of the puzzle that is you, and not the defining one unless you really want it to be so. I mean, how often do you go up to people and introduce yourself as, " Hi, I'm X, I'm a *blank*," as if all of you could be summed up in that statement, versus telling them about other aspects of yourself?
As a lesbian who has dated bisexual women, and been around others who have done the same, I'd have to say that most prejudice in the "community" seems to center around insecurities (which are certainly universal across the relationship spectrum), and around the heterosexual privilege, in terms of that option always being available, and easier in societal terms--as one person said, "It's an easy out."
What it really comes down to once you get past the LUG, or what I call "bi-tourist" years, is what you want in a relationship and in life. If what you want can't be met in a relationship with someone of a particular gender and you'll be unhappy in that "lifestyle" then it is definitely something to consider when you're getting into the relationship.
But then, how can you know if something you could get out of that relationship wouldn't be something you would need or want more?
And that, of course, is the clincher...I have to admit, I definitely have a preference for dating someone who would consider a long-term relationship with a woman in the abstract a viable option in their life, whatever our personal relationship turned out to be...but sometimes you don't really know what's possible or what you want until you've taken a chance...and that does lead to that horrible spectre of disappointment occasionally.
Going into a relationship with expectations of a happily ever after ending is not really the way to go, but having a vision of what you want or need in life and a relationship in order to be a whole and complete person is definitely something I'd recommend--whatever gender you get involved with. Sometimes, cliched as it may be, loving someone isn't enough, wanting to be with someone isn't enough.--At least, not if you don't want what comes with loving that person. It really is a package deal.
I guess the best advice I can give to anyone in this position is to keep an open mind and take everyone on a case-by-case basis and afford yourself the same generosity. After all, it's hardly as if all *insert label of choice*s are carbon copies of one another that never deviate or *gasp* change, and it's rather naive to act as if that were the case.
Don't think you have to have it all sorted out and put in a static list form with perfect spacing and capitalization before you get into a relationship, or ever, because that just isn't realistic.
*shrug* You meet someone, you're attracted, you go from there....kind of along the lines of what April said...*grin*
Best of luck.
------------------
"She wears her wild side like a cheap perfume"-AV
IP: LoggedDr.GLesbian Gay Type Lover
Posts: 4529
Registered: Jan 2001 posted March 14, 2002 05:07
Wonderful post Catalyxt. I would have encouraged you to post in the intro thread, but I see you already did. heh.IP: Logged
posted March 14, 2002 05:07 Wonderful post Catalyxt. I would have encouraged you to post in the intro thread, but I see you already did. heh.IP: LoggedKarziaDoll's Eye Crystal
Posts: 86
Registered: Mar 2002 posted March 14, 2002 09:13
quote:
Originally posted by tommo:
I'm confused as to why I don't get more dates. I put out. I write smut. What's the problem?
Sweetie, move to Nebraska, I'll get you a date, and problly get you laid
Hey check it out I am a dolls eye crystal cool.
------------------
Ad astea per asta
[This message has been edited by Karzia (edited March 14, 2002).]
IP: Logged
posted March 14, 2002 09:13 quote:
Originally posted by tommo:
I'm confused as to why I don't get more dates. I put out. I write smut. What's the problem?
Sweetie, move to Nebraska, I'll get you a date, and problly get you laid
Hey check it out I am a dolls eye crystal cool.
------------------
Ad astea per asta
[This message has been edited by Karzia (edited March 14, 2002).]
quote:IP: LoggedEnigmaticDoll's Eye Crystal
Posts: 97
Registered: Nov 2001 posted March 14, 2002 09:27
quote:
Originally posted by tommo:
I'm confused as to why I don't get more dates. I put out. I write smut. What's the problem?
If I wasn't only 17 years old and didn't live 8000 km away from you, then I would date you Ruth!!
IP: Logged
posted March 14, 2002 09:27 quote:
Originally posted by tommo:
I'm confused as to why I don't get more dates. I put out. I write smut. What's the problem?
If I wasn't only 17 years old and didn't live 8000 km away from you, then I would date you Ruth!!
quote:IP: LoggedtommoLesbian Gay Type Lover
Posts: 6092
Registered: Sep 2000 posted March 14, 2002 11:31
Heh, thanks love. I have a girlfriend. What in frilly heck am I talking about? ------------------
You know I've been through hell...Joss can't you see, there'll be nothing left of me. You made me believe...
IP: Logged
posted March 14, 2002 11:31 Heh, thanks love. I have a girlfriend. What in frilly heck am I talking about? ------------------
You know I've been through hell...Joss can't you see, there'll be nothing left of me. You made me believe...
IP: LoggedPixieWillowhand
Posts: 455
Registered: Jan 2002 posted March 14, 2002 11:39
Ah Ruth, our own little whore. IP: Logged
posted March 14, 2002 11:39 Ah Ruth, our own little whore.