Title: Contentment
Part: 15/?
Email address:
mtnlaurels34@hotmail.comDistribution: I just like to write...but it would be fun to know if this shows up somewhere else.
Feedback: This is my first fic, but I already think I'm going to be a feedbackaholic...your insights will help me steer some of the "fun" aspects of the W/T relationship *wink,wink*
Spoilers: This is completely AU! No spoilage here.
Rating: PG/PG-13?
Disclaimer: Yeah, so I just thought it would be fun to play with the Willow/Tara relationship. I have no rights whatsoever...most of the other characters in this fic are new, so that should be fun.
Note I'm sick today...not a happy little writer person, but it kept me in bed long enough to finish this chapter, so that's good I guess. It was a very difficult piece to write, so I hope you all understand. (This one's for you old friend...)
ch 15
The sound of the first raindrops didn’t have to wake Tara. She’d never fallen asleep and Willow slept fitfully at her side after their first real disagreement.
They finally decided to talk about the redhead’s family and friends after they’d both rested more, but Tara was troubled by the sadness that haunted Willow’s eyes.
Where does she go when she thinks of her home? Just like that night I asked her about her dreams...where does my Willow go?” The director responded to the normally soothing sound of the nighttime rain more out of habit than anything else. She quietly slipped from the bed she shared with Willow and got dressed.
While Tara pulled on her waterproof hiking boots, tying the laces securely, she looked at the darkened form of Willow sleeping.
I just don’t get it. I know she’s not lying to me. I’ve talked with her friend Buffy and she’s nice enough. There’s just something she’s holding onto. “Baby, why won’t you let me in there?” the blonde whispered in the quiet room. She bent over Willow and feathered a kiss on the smooth brow before switching on her flashlight and going downstairs.
As she made her way to the four-wheeler parked near the cabin, Tara zipped up her rain gear and slid a helmet on her head. She wanted to check the youngest campers, at least, to make sure they were fairing ok in the unexpected downpour.
Two hours later, when the blonde rounded the final corner leading back to her cabin, she noticed Willow. The woman was completely drenched, standing in the rain in only a t-shirt and pajama bottoms. Her hands were on the rail of the bridge, but she didn’t move...her green eyes were closed and Tara was terrified of what may have happened.
“Willow! Look at me!” Tara’s hands were on her lover’s upper arms and she jostled her gently her attention.
She could feel the redhead shaking beneath her touch and her heart clenched. “Willow! What’s wrong?” While her voice remained calm, it had taken on a serious note.
Willow opened her eyes finally and Tara lightly cupped the pale face in her hands. “Baby, please...what’s wrong. Why are you standing out here? How
long have you been out here?”
“I woke up from a bad dream-- you were gone—you weren’t real...a-and then, when I woke up, you just weren’t there. Everything was so dark...I ran out here and the Jeep was here, but you weren’t.”
“Sweetie, I’m sorry I was checking to make sure the kids were all ok. I took the ATV. I didn’t think you’d wake up...”
Wide green eyes searched Tara’s face “...There wasn’t a note. You always leave a note!”
Tara didn’t need to hear anymore as she wrapped her arms around Willow. She could feel the tremors run through her love, and her heart throbbed.
For long moments, moments that passed like years, Willow didn’t return the embrace...she only shook. Tara said nothing; she just continued to hold the woman she loved allowing the warmth of her body, her love, to seep into Willow’s chilled skin.
Every quake that ran through Willow’s slight frame increased the ache in Tara’s heart. With every tremor, the young director was sure the tears would soon fall...but there were no tears. There was silence, and there was shaking.
Her grasp on Willow increased as Tara attempted to somehow absorb the pain that the redhead was holding inside until finally the quiver turned into wracking sobs...Willow still not acknowledging the fact that she was being held.
The breath that Tara didn’t know she had pent up was released the instant Willow’s arms finally bound them together completely, clinging to the blonde as though she were a lifeline--the only thing holding her up from the terrible waves of loneliness that threatened to overtake her her entire life.
Not even trying to stop the tears, Tara continued to hold fast.
Willow had once admitted that no one ever really bothered touching her before—that probably included when she was crying. That is, if Willow had ever really let anyone see her cry.
As they stood in the rain, the heavens poured forth for the first time in many weeks and the streaming flood hid the tears both women cried.
“Sweetheart, we need to get you inside. You’re freezing.” Tara eventually whispered brokenly into Willow’s ear as her hands pushed the sopping strands of red hair away from her face. The director moved away just long enough to remove the fleece-lined rain jacket she was wearing to place it around Willow’s shoulders instead.
Tara placed a gentle kiss on the precious woman in her arms. “C’mon, baby.”
Water pooled on the floor just inside the cabin as Willow waited for Tara to turn all the electricity back on in the cabin. Throwing the dripping jacket into a heap in the mud room and closing the front door, the blonde turned worried eyes to her beloved’s face.
“Let’s go get some dry clothes...”
Willow remained alarmingly silent as Tara helped her remove the rain soaked clothes. The director removed her own muddy jeans and wet shirt as well before turning on the shower and allowing the water to warm up.
“Hon, we’ve got to get you warm...but not all at once, ok?” Willow nodded her head dumbly as Tara pulled her into the shower stall and allowed the warm water to fall on them both.
Increasing the heat of the water slowly, Tara ran soapy hands on Willow’s body to encourage the circulation of blood; her concern was the only thing evident in her ministrations.
“I’m ok, Tare.” Willow’s voice reached Tara’s ears through the pounding of the water against the shower walls.
Tara’s blue eyes, which were clouded in distressed, softened minutely at the words. “Wil, we can’t put off talking about this anymore...”
Nodding thoughtfully, Willow laid her hand against Tara’s cheeks and watched the tired eyes flutter closed. “Right now? Sweetheart, you’re exhausted.”
“You know I won’t sleep tonight...not after what just happened...I was so scared.”
“I was scared, too.”
Tara turned off the water and reached for their towels. They quickly dried off and dressed in dry pajamas.
Willow sat quietly on the couch as Tara built a small fire. The blonde took longer in the task than was necessary in an attempt to give her love time to compose herself. What am I supposed to ask her? I don’t even know what I want to know...Tara mused while lighting the kindling.
As she settled next to Willow on the couch, she immediately reached for her hands and entwined their fingers. Tara never had to ask a question. The redhead began speaking as soon as their hands touched.
“I-I feel kinda weird that that just happened. Like, y’know, ‘Willow’s lost her mind and now she’s gonna throw herself from a bridge’ kind of thing.” Willow laughed nervously about the mental image her words brought.
She flicked her green eyes to meet Tara’s blue. “ I’m usually much better at not crying like that...”
Tara didn’t speak; she just sat quietly in front of Willow and waited for her to continue.
The redhead couldn’t hold Tara’s gaze for long. She focused her attention on the fire as she began to speak once again. “One time, when I was little, it was raining outside...thunder and lightening and stuff. I was scared. I-I went to Mom and Dad’s room and knocked. I was crying and asked if I could stay crawl in bed with them. I don’t even know why I did that—I never did that--I don’t even know why I was scared...I knew nothing bad was going to happen. I just woke up scared. My dad picked me up, carried me back to my room and told me not to be silly.”
A sad smile played at Willow’s lips and Tara had to force herself not to crush the beautiful woman in her arms.
“I didn’t know what a
real hug felt like ‘til the night I told Buff I had a crush on a girl...an-and it was a good hug, y’know—both arms, good timing. But then, she went to her house, and I went back to my room... alone. Am I making sense?”
Tara nodded her head. “Uh-huh. I think I understand...”
“It’s just, I’ve always been alone...and I got used to it. When I woke up, when I thought you weren’t really real, I felt more alone than I ever had before, ‘cause I finally knew what it felt like to
not be alone. In like, seconds, I lost everything when I thought I lost you...”
There’s too much space between us. Tara thought just seconds before moving just long enough to settle herself behind Willow, pulling the upset woman to rest against her chest. “I told you, Wil...I’ll never leave you. I promise. If you need me to listen, I’ll listen. If you need me to just hold you, I’ll do that to. I- I’m always going to be here for you; loving you.”
Willow relaxed in Tara’s embrace and started talking about her family and friends; the good times as well as the bad. She told of pleasing her parents to make them love her. She shared stories of her childhood with Xander, and the crush she’d had on him for years.
Tara listened to Willow talk about Buffy, the cheerleader in need of a tutor, and her tutor that was in need of a friend.
“When I started dating, I really just wanted someone to hold me; someone to be quiet with. I just never knew what living really felt like...until the day you shook my hand at the airport; the day I fell asleep in your car feeling more comfortable than I ever had in years. Just being near you makes me
like me.
Normally, silences drove Willow crazy, but not so with Tara...silence meant undivided attention. “I feel kind of silly talking about it all now, but I just wanted you to know.”
“You know what amazes me?” Tara began, the wonder evident in her voice. “How much more special what you just told me makes every touch we’ve shared...the first night I held your hand. The first time you touched my face. The night I was exhausted and you just held me and played with my hair...you were teaching me how to love you.”
Willow’s lips curved into a smile at Tara’s thoughts. “I did very good in the education department...”
“Yes you did.”
Just as Willow’s eyes fluttered closed to sleep, Tara’s question broke into her quieted mind. “When you go home...to say goodbyes and all...am I going to be there with you?”
Willow had a difficult time responding around the lump that had formed in her throat at Tara’s words. “Tare, I wouldn’t be home without you...”
OK...I need to write something light now...Will be working on that. This subject, however, is not "dropped". (No loose ends, promise)
Laurel
Feedback would be lovely...I've got to catch up on all replies. Tonight. My word
i look forward to reading more
at: 6/2/02 2:32:38 pm
Thanks but I ain't all that. Just tell me when if you want the entire song and I'll put it in .mpg form and give you the link so that you can download it.
at: 6/2/02 9:32:21 pm
at: 6/2/02 10:07:35 pm