The Late Shift (FIC)

[wiccachica]

My heavens, Supermus.... you know the story better than I do! Brava! I was reading your post and was like: Oh wow...did that happen?Oh my..it did...

So here is the Late Afternoon Friday Edition:

See you on Monday!

Niki

Chapter Eighty-Two: Okay…You Are DEFINITELY the Kick-Ass Dorothy!!!

It took a lot longer to get into town than I thought it would…. I think it was the total lack of cheery conversation from the Blonde next to me.

And frankly, TOWN was not anything like I expected it to be either.

Even Blondie seemed a tiny bit phased by the rickety buildings and all-around Tombstone-from-hell rustic feel to the place.

I couldn’t help wondering if Mother hadn’t added a little Disney Frontier Town to the place to make it just a tad more frightening….

But oddly enough, Blondie keeps walking…like a woman with a purpose. Her jaw is set…her eyes focused on the Magic Box-gone-saloon at the end of the dirt-laden road. Her pace doesn’t waver. Her Blonde hair banners behind her as she walks…. Give this girl a dark flowy trench….some spurs and a hat and she’d be a …

Wait a bloody minute…..!!!

Why do I suddenly feel like Robin to her Batman…..

like Tito to her Michael….

Smeed to her Hook….

Or….more exactly like…. Toto…to her Dorothy….

" You got a plan for going in there, Blondie?" I ask. Trying to jog some sense into her. I’m not quite sure that this new, gung ho, devil may care attitude wasn’t going to get us both killed…

Well…HER killed…and me really….pessimistic looking …pile of dust….

" The plan…." She ponders as she walks. I skitter along beside her like a good little terrier.

" Yeah…THE plan…you got one?"

We walk up the creaky stoop to the doors of the saloon…tinny piano music is playing inside and the low rumble of a throng of demonic voices talking….

" We go in….we do the violence thing ….and we all go home…." She says evenly.

Alright…ladies and gentlemen…I see we’ve now nixed the common sense part of this programme….

" And did you mark down any time for the whole US dying part?" I ask.

" Well I could leave some time open for you to die, Spike….if that’s what you’re worried about…" She says, hands poised on the saloon doors. I stare at her.

" Blondie…as much as you’re scaring me right now…I think I’m starting to like you like this…" I say and she pushes open the doors.

She is so sure of herself…so ready to brawl…so recklessly brave that I can almost believe that we are going to make it…we are going to come in here ….and kick some ass…. and take some names! We are invincible! We are superheroes!!!

And then we enter into the most unforgettable den of malicious evil ever known to ma….well…known to me….. and I want to cry….

And what does our dear Blondie do? Well…. of course she whips her hair to one side and shows off that incredible neck of hers…even I have to stop my sniveling to stare.

" Okay…. Let’s get this over with….." She says under her breath to me…. " Bite me."

WHAT???? …..Okaaaaay…Ground Control…we’ve lost visual on the sane Tara…over and out …

TBC…..

------------------
"You're *NOT* the source of me." - Buffy

" I mock you with my monkey pants!" -Oz

[UniDagger]

MMMmmm!! Tara-Neck. Who could resist that?

[maudmac]

Okay. I'm going to be profoundly embarassed tomorrow at work in my harness and by Monday it's probably going to be pretty itchy, but I'm going to tough it out for you, wiccachica. For you, anything.

Co-workers: "WTF?"

Me: "Well, see, um...I'm in a harem, okay? And, and...uh...it's part of the costume. And there's this troll, see, and...uh..."

Co-workers: "WTF?"

[jomarch]

*thud*. Ok, my poor heart is really taking a beating with all these cliffhangers. Just when I think the last one was the worse, you give us '...bite me'.

Wiccachica, I bow before your brilliance and as soon as I get my heart to stop beating erratically, I look forward to your next updates . :-)

[ForeverPiper]

" Okay…. Let’s get this over with….." She says under her breath to me…. " Bite me."

HEY!!!! Only Willow's supposed to do that!

[Sassette]

ROFL!!!

Is it wrong of me to just enjoy seeing kittens in an uproar? I have faith in you, wiccachica ... the 'bite me' thing may be worrisome, but ... I have faith. *G*

And I gotta' say ... I adore this story. Sure, it's all over the place, but the sheer randomness is ... charming.

-Sass

[supermus]

Umm... How can Spike bite Tara without needing some Tylenol afterwards? Ya know what you should do? When this story ends(if the troll ever stops) you should make a post called "The Late Shift: Uncut" or something that's just one post with the entire 150 chapters on it. Or maybe add some stuff and call it "The Late Shift: The Version You Couldn't See in That Other Thread".

------------------
Willow: Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya?

Tara: Horsies!
Willow: Don't hit the horsies!
Buffy: We won't! (to giles) Aim for the horsies.

[Owl]

Wow, this is huge. oy, the pain of yet another weekend cliffhanger... *dangles lazily in the breeze* "bite me." geez.

Anyway, wiccachica, I wanted to call this to your attention: I got a letter today from the Union of Literary Trolls. It reads:

Dear Haremkeeper:
[wtf? nobody has appointed me haremkeeper! just a plain old promiser of amenities here, though i'd like to be haremkeeper some day.... (so... pitch me that harem time share idea....) oh, and just so we're clear, this is your harem we're in here. as mentioned above - sandalled feet, small round fruits, harnesses, and all at your beck here... ]

anyhow,
Dear haremkeeper:
We are very displeased to inform you of the possible mistreatment of wiccachica's troll. Reports suggest that said troll has been blasphemed, blamed, threatened with dismissal, and poked at with a cattleprod. Furthermore, the troll has not been named. Grrrrrr. ! !!
Sincerely,
ULT.

Okay - what's all that about?
Let me just say, first of all, that as promiser of amenities, I would like to promise your troll.... whatever it is that trolls need most to be happy and productive trolls. Do trolls drink tea?
secondly.... I have some questions for you, but the wackiness of your story is forcing me to invent a new language in which to ask them. so that will just have to wait...

mmmmm... any contenders in the really long reply post competition?

[Pixie]

Oh my God! I have faith, too, wiccachica, but....oh my God! I just got back from my weekend with 6th graders, and woo hoo! I only have to wait in my harness for one night.

Supermus - thanks for the cliff notes. Even though I read the chapter twice it was helpful.

maudmac - Yes, it does get itchy. I was wearing my harness all weekend. My 6th graders were quite confused and the rabbi asked why I was wearing it during services.

[wiccachica]

Owl...

Actually the troll likes the cattle prod...he's the one who bought it and insisted I use it. because..it helps him think.

There is no troll abuse occuring...I assure you....and the threats of getting a new troll are completely idle on my part...he has a contract that I can't breach.

And now....

The Morning Edition:

Chapter Eighty-Three: Game Time

Well it’s really nice to see a lady so SURE of her self in these strange times…truly…but that doesn’t make up for the fact that I think that the idea of life without Red has made her utterly INSANE….

When I hesitate to do what she says, she pulls her head a little more to the side…her pulse throbbing just feet from me…calling me…teasing me…beckoning me….

I look at the room full of now silent vampires and demons. The music has stopped, and all smoky and luminous eyes are on the main attraction……us…

….well…more like…. HER and her showcased neck…

Okay…I know math right now seems ludicrous…but I figure I have about a seventy percent chance of getting a bite in on her. First…she ASKED me to…and an invitation is always a plus in the vampire books….second…there’s a slim chance she might not even be human any longer….. and that will be able to get at least a little nibble on that neck….Just a nibble…a little taste….hey…what’s a friendly bite among pals..right…..?

I put my game face on…..

This is going to hurt you more than it is going to hurt me….really……I think…..

I grab her from behind and pull her closer…..and I can see from her half turned away face that she is smiling.

Okay…still a good sign right? What are you hedging for, Spike? She WANTS you to bite her….

I can feel the interest in the room pique. They are all watching us now with little open-mouthed smiles like the enraptured audience of a bawdy Las Vegas show.

Come see the beautiful human blood bank….. and her very handsome, potentially dangerous, but extremely well-trained vampire, folks….

She reaches up and drags a finger across her pulse point….as though she thinks I’ve forgotten…. and need a map to the Promised Land…..

" Go ahead….BITE ME…." She says again…louder this time so the silent room of vamps could hear. Chairs creak as they all seem to lean forward…If they needed to breathe they would be in breathless anticipation right now….

Still…that small Mona Lisa smile graces her lips…. That blood throbbing just under the surface….

Second invite, Spike…it’s now or never…

And so I bite her…..

…..or at least try to….

I feel the pain sear through my head a fraction of a millisecond before my teeth break the skin. I reel away with a blood-curdling scream …and when you don’t have the curdling kind of blood to begin with…that is a sound vampires like to hear least. The sound of one of their own in pain….

…..Not particularly because they feel any empathy for a fellow downed vampire…but because whatever it was that made them make that noise, was also capable of making THEM make that noise…. And that was never good.

Right now they are staring gog-eyed at Blondie…like she’s was wearing Holy water perfume, chewing garlic gum…and picking her teeth with a stake….

I am still nursing my pounding head as one of the largest, barrel-chested , fiends of the night slides off his stool. He doesn’t venture closer right away…no…that would be plain stupid if he had no idea what he was up against. So he decides to figure out what he is up against…measuring her up.

She merely smiles at him….

I have a secret… That smile says….

" Who ARE you?" The vamp asks, warily...but with enough gravelly toughness to save face among his peers…

I watch through pain-watering eyes as she swings her hair back around…obscuring the view of her neck.

" I’m just a girl…" Blondie says with faux helplessness….

Okaaaayyy…I know what’s going on now…and let me tell you…….I’m never playing poker with this one…. I’d loose all my kittens.

I moan again for effect. And now she knows I’m in the game.

" I sorta DOUBT that you are…" He says to her while looking at me. I give him a weepy, pitiful look.

" Oh..you got me…I’m not just a girl" She says smoothly. He looks around at his buddies and then back to her.

" Well…why don’t you give us a little hint to who you are…so we can get on with the killing you…." He says slowly, not sounding completely sure of himself about his newest victim…probably because most people about to be eaten by a pack of rowdy vamps don’t seem so relaxed….

And then Blondie smiles….and…gives them a little hint……

TBC…..

[This message has been edited by wiccachica (edited March 04, 2002).]

[BytrSuite]

That was awesome. I have the stupidest grin on my face now because of that. You really had me worried about Tara telling Spike to bite her.

*Happy Sigh* That was really fun.

[MoMack]

Go troll! This story is such a good time!

[HerGirl]

Hey!

Tara gave THEM a hint and they're demons fer chrissakes!

Give me that cattle prod and show me the way to the troll. You write, I'll prod and we'll get an update faster?! *hopeful look*

That was a mean nasty awful cliffhanger that we're ever so glad you didn't give us on Friday!

HG

------------------
Tara: Every time I- (takes a deep breath) even when I'm at my worst ... you always make me feel special. How do you do that?
Willow: Magic.
Family; Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season 5

"Magic Like Heat Across My Skin" - L. K. Hamilton

[Tiggrscorpio]

I love Tara, she is so awesome! One smart chick. Yum!!

------------------
She's my everything!

[wiccachica]

And the Afternoon Edition: (whew)

Chapter Eighty-Four: Something Wiccan This Way Comes….

Okay…..What’s with this whole distance thing???

Now it seemed that the only place to go was INTO town..in fact..no matter which way I walked …I ended up heading into this SunnyVILLE place….

I feel like I’ve been running for an hour! My legs are starting to ache…and I just have to stop and walk for a bit or I’m going to PASS OUT….

I can see the saloon in the distance….and a faint noise coming down the dirt road….

Almost there…..

By the way…what are going to say when you find her, Buff? You going to just say, ‘Hi…I know you can’t have anything you want….I mean…a normal life…the woman you love….basically any sort of happiness whatsoever…but HEY…I have an idea, Tara! Why don’t you come back with me and we’ll plop you back down in a house full of the things you can’t have…and then we’ll wait for vampires to eat us, or mother to kill us…whichever comes first…..sound nice? What do you say….?’

Yeah…that’s me….queen of motivational marketing….

With an offer like that…she is sure to come right back with me….

***

Finally…I arrive at my destination.

As I near the saloon, a sound strikes me as odd….

The sound of loud, tinny music being banged out on an ill-tuned player piano.

And the din of gravelly singing, stomping boots, and clattering glasses…

And above all of it…a VERY familiar voice… the timbre of a baritone rock star.

All of them singing, "Summer Loving" at the top of their voices….

Tell me more, tell me more
Did you get very far
Tell me more, tell me more
Like does he have a kurr….

I really have no idea what in the world is going on here…… I push open the doors just as Spike is pushing petulantly away from the piano and walking into the group of dangerous looking vamps.

" No…no..no…Not… KURR…. CAR….Does he have a CAR…" He chastises them.

A hand goes up almost immediately in the back….

" Yeah?" Spike snaps.

" Uhm…What’s a CAR???" The confused looking vampire asks…

" It’s not kurr?? I mean..a kurr is a dog…you mean she ain’t askin’ if he has a dog?" Says another.

" It’s a horseless carriage…..but sooo…. NOT the bloody point right now…because someone in the back is WAAY out of tune and that might piss HER off and you know what happens when you piss HER off….."

And he keeps nodding to the counter at which Tara is sitting, drinking from a frothy mug and looking contemplative…but by no means frightened of the ARMY of grungy, fang-laden cowboy vampires all around her.

They all look her way with sappy looks of contrition….

Oh no…don’t want to piss off The Tara… Those looks say.

They don’t even notice me. It’s disappointing really. I was spoiling for a fight…and they are all sitting around like peltless lapdogs.

By God…I think she has them all whipped….or brainwashed…. or worse…

….. maybe she IS one now….

But that is answered right away when she sees me side up to her.

" I thought you had at least another five minutes in the house." She says.

" Slayer brawn…wore it down…so what’s the deal..with the…and the …..?" I say nonchalantly. Waggling my fingers at Spike and his band of merry men.

" A little Spike demonstration…and some orange-colored fireworks…and they think I’m an Osirian Vessel…" She says under her breath.

" And that would make them kinda…uhm…right actually…..?" I mention. She shrugs…

" Well what they don’t know is there’s not much a vessel can do with that kind of power except channel it…like I couldn’t turn them all to dust with a look…but they don’t know that….so I conjure a little light show and now they’ll do anything I want…."

" And the music?" I ask….

" All Spike’s idea….He says show tunes and musicals are the test of real mind control…you should see them dance…." She says sipping her drink.

" So you can make them leave…and we can all go home?" I ask and she nods.

" That’s about the whole of it." She says… " Where’s the rest of the Scoobies?"

And my Willow…where is she? The tortured look says.

" I made them promise to wait there….so knowing them….they’ll probably be here in about ten minutes." I say.

" Then we should clear out this place." Tara says, setting her drink aside and sliding off the stool.

Ooh! I brawl…I’m so ready for this…lets mop the floor wit these guys and then dust the floor with these guys…and…

" Gentlemen….I need you all to LEAVE…out the back door….I need some time to myself…." Tara says with a mild tone….

And then…they all immediately head towards the back in a single file line…no fuss…no muss….

There will be no fighting…no dusting… no creative staking….no ingenius punning.

Oddly it fills me with a sort of…sadness…. I had so wanted to play…at least a little….

Spike follows them to the back door and closes it behind them.

" I was just going to get them to do a little something from the King and I…" Spike pouts.

" Let’s just get this table moved so we can get out of here." Tara says…sounding rushed again. It seemed she had picked up the pace as soon as I had mentioned that the Scoobies were probably on their way..
" Here….who died and made you the Queen of the Damned Saloon…?" He surls, proving once again that Spike’s respect can only be purchased BY THE HOUR…..

I hear the saloon doors creak open slowly…. A cautious and very guilty looking Xander peeks in at us.

When he sees me sitting at the bar..and Tara walking towards the table…he pushes the doors open.

" Okay…I know…I know….We PROMISED to stay put…but …."

" I knew I could count on you guys to NOT listen to a word I said…." I say…kind of glad I didn’t have to go back through town to get them.

Anya, Willow and Dawn are hot on his heels…not wanting to be outside for longer than they have to.

" So…what happened to the massive vampire nest that was here earlier?" Dawn asks.

" Buffy took care of them." Tara says quickly before I could answer…. " Can you…help me move this will you." She asks me.

She seems to be in a hurry……like she doesn’t want to be there…and I don’t blame her…I mean…who wants to be constantly reminded of the woman she can’t have…..so I help her pull the table aside…the floor beneath it crackles with electricity.

Thank Heavens…..THE DOOR HOME…..

" Tara…" Willow says finally…and Tara turns from the porthole to look at her. Willow takes a few cautious steps forward. " You never have to run from me….NEVER…we can get through this together, Baby….we have to just…put enough trust in each other to…." She stops herself….her throat choked with tears…. and looks at Tara imploringly…with an expression of unwavering love.

" We can’t…." Tara says….looking torn in two. " We can’t, because honestly…. I don’t trust myself NOT to want to damn us all when you look at me like that…." She says…her eyes tear up again and her lip quivers as she tries to fight back the emotional onslaught that was on its way. Then…she braces herself…

" I love you." She says….then turns away….

….and steps through the porthole back home…

leaving Willow calling her name in anguish once again…..

TBC……

------------------
"You're *NOT* the source of me." - Buffy

" I mock you with my monkey pants!" -Oz

[Jessie]

And they live happily ever after ...

*snaps back to reality*

And? And? And?!?!? What!? I can't believe you left me there. All anguish-ee and with the sadness.

Boo hoo to you.

(And more please?)
JD

------------------
"And how long have you known your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?"

[ForeverPiper]

What happens next? You're driving me insane with all these cliffhangers!

-------------------
There's a monkey problem? -Tara

[katydid]

And to think I actually worked today instead of reading this fic...this was really interesting and very confusing. I now count myself as one of the lost.

------------------
"She practically has 'genuine molded plastic' stamped on her ass.

[Owl]

great.
now, here i am, dangling from a cliff that's sorta in two different dimensions at once.
i feel creepy doing this, but if i hang here much longer, my brain's gonna stage a protest.
therefore: *prod. prod. prod* anything else i can do to appease the troll-who-shall-not-be-named?

ah. and here's my question for the day:
the math of souls...
i am absolutely helpless when it comes to math but here goes...

assuming that there is only one soul meant per each vessel... (this being a "natural soul," as opposed to those that are supernatural in nature....i.e. heru... angel, etc?)
willow has one half of a herusoul
tara has one half of a herusoul and a patch of osiris.
willow and tara each have one half of a natural soul.
are these two halves of the same soul, or two halves of unique natural souls destined for their individual vessels?
if they are seperate, where are the missing
1/2 tarasoul and
1/2 willowsoul?

or are they just compressed or something?
how many total souls should i be getting here? two or three? because i am getting three with one willowtarasoul missing.

i hope that made sense to you.
my brain now feels like a big twinkie.
*flop*

[This message has been edited by Owl (edited March 04, 2002).]

[neta]

Vampires and Demons singing 'Summer Loving" ROLFL.

[willow_thebadasswitch]

Um... can somebody lend me a harness??? Mine snapped from being used too much. I'm hanging by the claws of one paw.

Hehe... vamps singing. LMAO. *oops laughing not good... one claw slipped*

[nika]

Badasswitch, I would love to help you out. Unfortunately sassete, Lisa and wiccachica have worn out all my extra straps. As a matter of fact I'm hanging by my last ones now *ping-boing* Uh-oh...

[wiccachica]

Ladies and Gentlemen...Flight 382 from Dimension X to Sunny Sunnydale is now landing....please return your seats to there upright cerebral positions and buckle all cliffhangy harnesses... No more snacks will be served at this time... but it doesn't mean the terrain below isn't going to be weird...

Jessie.... 'And they lived happily ever after'....? ( snort...chuckle....) Oh, Dear....I think you're thinking of the other story thread: Mrs. Pooh and the Bunny Patch....(why does nothing I say sound COMPLETELY innocent?)...nope....no happy endings here...yet...

Owl....Math?!...Math?! Argh! (I...uh...don't know math...sure...yeah...that's it....) But the troll does the math for me and he says that it goes like this:

Tara and Willow both have their own souls ( that makes them who they are...) When their souls were being made, Anubis kind of 'supplimented' half of their souls with half of Heru's....which means Heru's soul is kind of like a hitchiker soul...but it's one of those chatty hitchers that likes to talk and won't get out of your car....and you end up driving all the way to Atlantic City with this person you can't get rid of in your car...no matter how you beg and plead..and . regret not listening to your mother when she said....wait...that's our last year's road trip... (let me go ask the troll again...or maybe Supermus...he gets this stuff....)

* Handing out harnesses * Someone in the studio audience asked for a can-o-worms to be opened..... The troll sends his love out to you...as well as an angst warning.... later this morning he wants to grace you with a bit of that can-o-worms...and all I can do is hand out fresh harnesses....they can be used for any fic on the board...but may not be strong enough....just a warning...no TALL cliffs....

*strapping on harness myself*

Okay troll...have it your way..... write what you will....

The Morning Edition:

Chapter Eighty-Five: Fight or Flight…
We decided to go through the porthole one at a time…. to avoid any body swapping drama that would add to the confusion.

Xander went first… chiefly to make sure everything was safe on the other end while Buffy brought up the rear. I was second…I’m guessing it was because I was the youngest…

…..To tell the truth…you won’t be hearing any complaints from me about it…I wanted out of Wiggy World and fast….

Not to mention I wanted to catch Tara before she had a chance to leave.

She had that look on her face….the ‘I’m leaving’ look … it wasn’t the ‘ I’m moving out of the house… I’ll see you from time to time’ look…. It was the bona fide…’ I HAVE to go…you know I do…it’s for the best’ look….

…and believe me…I KNOW that look.

And I’m afraid Willow does too…because from the moment Tara stepped through the porthole, Willow had called out Tara’s name several times…and then she went completely silent…

And honestly that scared me more than if Willow had suddenly pulled a full-blown Sally Field Emmy-winning, chandelier-dangling breakdown on us.

Crying and ranting means you’re alive. It means you still have some fight left in you..that you’re still in the land of the living…Being devastated…being angry…being hurt… being ….ANYTHING means that you’re still in the game…

Willow was staring at the spot in the floor that Xander went through…her face void of emotion…her eyes and her thoughts somewhere else… maybe back before all of this had happened…maybe even further back….before they had met…maybe back to a time before she knew the meaning of hurt….

But I don’t think any of us could go back that far.

Even as I was preparing to go through….I could see Buffy turning Willow to face her…leaning her forehead against the redhead’s…trying to console her.

They would find Tara…they would fix all of this…everything would be fine….. The world would be right again…she promised…

And Willow just…. wasn’t in the game….

" Come on Niblet…let’s get you home…" Spike had said…leading me to the spot. I took one last look over my shoulder where my sister and Willow stood forehead to forehead...Buffy still speaking words of comfort to her best friend…and Willow… staring right through her…. had quite possibly already left this place before the rest of us.

That’s when I went through….

That’s when I went home….

I would talk sense in Tara if it meant having to hog-tie her down and sit on her to do it. No ONE was going to break up this happy family..I’d make sure of it.

TBC.....
------------------
"You're *NOT* the source of me." - Buffy

" I mock you with my monkey pants!" -Oz

[This message has been edited by wiccachica (edited March 05, 2002).]

[Kalita]

Good for Dawnie! I'm glad someone has some sense in this crowd.

[Jessie]

NOW they lived happily ever after ...

(Okay, I'm delusional, but if it goes on like this ... I don't need a happy ending. This is so great)!

JD

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"And how long have you known your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?"

[wiccachica]

Early Afternoon Edition:

Chapter Eighty-Six: …. Sweet Home…..ALABASTAR….

Leaving always sounds easier when it’s a concept. You know…the old…I’m going to leave right now…no looking back…blah blah blah….

A person never takes into account how DIFFICULT it actually is to leave the Hellmouth…especially when it’s filled with the people you love….

Immediately upon arriving back in the Magic Box… I was still determined to gather my things and get out of town…

By the time I had stormed back to my apartment and gathered my belongings together into a duffel bag…I was already considering calling and leaving a message for Willow on the answering machine at the Summer’s House….telling her that I love her…and this was the best way…until we could figure something out…something that would work…

Some resolve, Tara…

By the time I walked through the rain drenched streets to the bus station I was already thinking of alternatives to my leaving…

Maybe we could both wear NASA prototype suits….

Or we could encase ourselves in glass…

Or live in a plastic bubble…

….but I doubt that any of them would actually thwart the god of the Underworld….

You name it…I thought of it….

Yes…you REALLY want to leave….look at you…you’ve been at the bus terminal for thirty minutes now…sitting on this bench… and you haven’t even bought a ticket.

I am going to leave right now….NO LOOKING BACK…. I get up to go to the ticket booth….

One foot in front of the other…come on…it’s FOR THE BEST…

And I DO walk…and the more I walk, the easier it gets…

So easy, in fact, that I find myself continuing to walk…right past the ticket booth and right on across the street to someplace much more familiar…..

If there is one thing I’ve learned in my time as a Scooby…it’s:

You don’t have to run…unless you’re being chased….

And hiding works just as well…if you find the right place…..

***

I find who I’m looking for stalking a couple of coeds who must think making out in the cemetery is supposed to be a hoot.

I decide as their predator is clambering loudly over several headstones to his prey…and falling face first into a patch of wet leaves…. that the coeds have nothing to fear….this one really isn’t the brightest bulb in the batch.

The couple hears him coming a mile away and decides to move off together to some place quieter….

I find him lying face down in the leaves and talking to himself.

" You gotta POUNCE…like a jaguar…like a big bad evil thing…you gotta…go AROUND the headstones…not over them…." He mumbles to himself as though making a mental note.

" Hi." I venture…and the vampire looks up…his game face on….When he recognizes me, he scrambles to his feet and grins at me congenially.

" Hi! Oh Hi! I haven’t see you around in ages…well…like months since the (does his best impression of a column of light) and…you know……Hi!" He reaches to shake my hand…but I know I’ll be stuck here for hours shaking his hand…and what I want is to get off the streets…I mean…hey…I’m in hiding, right?

I reach around to pat his shoulder.

" Hi to you too… Look I need your help." I say…cutting to the chase.

" Of course you do….And I’m here to help…like I said…anything you need…" he seems overjoyed to be of service.

" I need a place to stay, actually…someplace…SECRET..."

" Secret…right…you came to the right guy…I’m all about secrets…come on…" He takes my bag..like the world’s scariest bellhop, and leads me into the cemetery…..

As he leads me like the rabbit into a wonderland of stones and crypts…it occurs to me that I don’t even know this vampire’s name.

" Hey…what’s your name." I ask…. and he keeps walking…ever intent on his duty of finding me the best digs in the lot (no pun intended)

" Name’s Danger…." He says and trips on a nameplate on the ground.

I choke back a laugh behind him…but try to keep a straight face when he turns to see if I noticed his flummox.

A Danger to himself maybe….

" Danger…. You give yourself that name?" I ask….he seems surprised by the question.

" No. My mother did…Danger Herman Alabaster…." He says proudly…. " She said named me Danger because I don’t have any sense of my own….so every time I see a sign that says…’DANGER- KEEP OUT or DANGER- RAILROAD CROSSING…I would think the sign was talking right to me…kind of like an extra conscience…."

" Did it work?" I ask.

" Well it did for a long time…but you know…Sunnydale don’t make Danger signs for the nighttime creepy-crawlies…so…" He makes a fangy motion at his neck and then shrugs.

" I hear you, brother." I say, wondering when they are going to be putting up those warning signs.

I am about to entrust my Sunnydale secrecy to a bumbling vampire…and I feel strangely at ease about it.

Even more so as he stops in front of a large white crypt and turns to me with a broad grin.

The word carved carefully into the white stone above the door says:

ALABASTAR

" Home sweet home…" He says proudly, and opens the door for me.

Tara Maclay…what in the Sam Hill are you doing…you should be on the first bus out of here right now… you should be getting as far from Willow as you can … you should be trying to forget her…not holing up in Deadland with a vampire…..GO….NOW!!!

" It’s very nice." I say…and step inside…

TBC…..

(who's a Cool Monster Fighter...huh...huh...that's right...oh...yeah...) *doing a little dance*

[This message has been edited by wiccachica (edited March 05, 2002).]

[willow_thebadasswitch]

ooohh new harness!! *straps it on*

Oh don't tell me Willow went into some kind of catatonia... like Buffy was in "The Weight of the World".

Hehe... the early afternoon edition was hilarious, though. It never crossed my mind that that vampire will make an appearance again.

[supermus]

Here's an idea: The human soul does not completely fill the human vessel, so more can be patched in. So Willow and Tara would have like super-size souls. Oh and it's "he", Wiccachica.

[wiccachica]

Supermus.....

Excuse my faux pas!

I bow extremely low to your 'he'-ness....I humbly apologize....

I always do that...I always assume everyone on earth is female...ask my dad...she'll tell you it's true....

*knocking head on my desk*.... stupid Niki...stupid Niki....

Please forgive me...

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"You're *NOT* the source of me." - Buffy

" I mock you with my monkey pants!" -Oz

[supermus]

Ah it's okay Wicca. I tend to do the same thing, so I try and shy away from pronouns.

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Willow: Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya?

Tara: Horsies!
Willow: Don't hit the horsies!
Buffy: We won't! (to giles) Aim for the horsies.