I finished this a while ago, but i wasn't sure whether i should post it or not because it's not very good.
Anyway, i've decided to post it. I hope you guys like it.
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Rating: PG
Spoilers: Nope. Don't think so.
Pairing: W/T
Summary: Set in season 4. Kinda in my own Buffyverse; Around Who Are you. Willow and Tara aren't together yet, but as Christmas gets nearer they find themselves growing even closer.
Feedback: Only if you want to gve it me. Bad or good, i'd like to know. A Willow and Tara kinda Christmas
**********
It was Christmas Eve, and the streets of Sunnydale were filled with carol singers. Every window that Willow passed had lights in them. She walked past the park where the Christmas trees were being sold, and her face lit up when she saw Tara. She quietly walked up behind the blonde and covered Tara's eyes with her hands.
Willow: Guess who.
Tara grinned, and instantly knew who it was.
Tara: Willow!!
The girl turned around and gave Willow a hug.
Willow: You looking to buy a tree?
Tara: Yeah, b-but I only want a small one, to fit in my dorm room.
Willow: Want me to help you look?
Tara: Sure. B-but if you have something else to do....
Willow: Nope. I'm a free woman.
Both girls smiled and they went in search of the perfect tree.
Willow: Oooh, what about that one!!
Willow ran towards the tree that she was pointing too.
Willow: It's small.
Tara: And has h-hardly any branches.
Tara grinned at Willow, who pouted and walked away from the tree.
Willow: I just feel really sorry for the small, helpless ones, you know?
Tara giggled and nodded.
Tara: I know. I j-just want a pretty tree.
Willow: You don't usually have a pretty tree?
Tara shook her head.
Tara: I don't usually have a tree. M-my dad.... he um, never really l-liked Christmas.
Willow: What?! I don't think I know anyone who doesn't like Christmas.
Tara: Yeah, well....
Sadness flashed over Tara's face as she spoke of her father, and Willow noticed. She stopped walking and turned to Tara. Taking the other girls hands in her own.
Willow: Hey. You okay?
Tara glanced down at their hands.
Tara: Yeah.
She looked up and flashed a small smile at Willow.
Tara: Lets go find a tree.
**********
Tara's dorm room: later that night.
Willow and Tara crashed though Tara's door, grinning, laughing and carrying the tree they had finally decided on buying.
Willow: Well how was I supposed to know it was going to rain?
Both girls were soaked to the skin.
Tara: At least w-we got the tree back.
Willow: Yeah.
Willow grinned proudly, and let her end of the tree down.
Tara: It's a little bigger than I w-wanted....
Tara watched Willow's smile fade.
Tara: B-but it's perfect.
Willow smiled appeared again, and she looked around the room.
Willow: So, where should we put it?
Tara: What?
Willow: The tree, silly.
Tara: Oh. Um, you don't want to go yet?
Willow: No. I mean I'd like to stay and help.... if you don't mind.
Willow turn on full puppy eyes and pouting mode, and Tara couldn't help but grin.
Tara: I'd like that to.
They finally decided on a place and put the tree in the corner of the dorm. Then Willow turned to Tara.
Willow: Do you have any decorations?
Tara: … No.
Willow: Well, I guess we're just going to have to go back out and buy some then.
Tara: Willow.... d-did you see the weather outside?
Willow: Don't worry. I'll just call Xander. Get him to take up to the store.
**********
Inside store.
They finally found a store that was open. With it being Christmas eve, half of the stores in Sunnydale were closed.
Willow and Tara browsed the shelves, looking for just the right decorations.
Willow: You want a star on the top? Or an angel?
Tara: Um... y-you choose.
Willow: Tara, it's your tree.
Tara: P-please?
Willow looked at the smile that played across Tara's face and couldn't help but smile herself.
Willow: Okay. Oooh, Tara! What about this?
Willow picked up the white glass star that had caught her eye. It was beautiful.
Tara: I-if you like that one-
Willow: But, do you like it?
Tara: Yes.
Willow: Then this is the one for our tree. Um, your tree I mean.
Tara: I-it can be our tree if y-you want.
Willow smiled at Tara. Since she and Tara had met that night when the Gentlemen had arrived in Sunnydale, she had been a lot happier. Hell, this was the happiest Willow had been in a long time. Although she was reluctant to tell anyone her reasons for being suddenly happy, she knew what they were. She knew that she liked Tara. More than like her. Of course, it had confused her at first. Made her think if this had happened before. Maybe with Buffy or even Cordelia, but no. She defiantly hadn't had these kinds of feelings before. Not even with Oz.
"Oz."
Just hearing his name, even it was in her head, made her sad. She had gone through so much pain when he left. He'd left her with nothing. A feeling of emptiness that filled her, and tormented her until she thought she couldn't take anymore. There were times when she thought that she had become a nobody. That only with Oz was she an actually person. Who was she without Oz? When Tara arrived and she and Willow began spending time together, she found that question had been answered. She was Willow Rosenberg. A person who had many friends, a mother and father, and everything she could ever wish for. There was just one thing missing. When Oz left.... it was like he took a piece of Willow with him. She felt empty without that piece. It was like there was a hole in the pit of her stomach that need to be filled. She knew what she needed to fill that hole.... love. She needed to let herself love again, or who knows? She might let the one person that would love her forever, slip through her fingers. And she knew she'd never forgive herself if she did.
**********
Back at Tara's dorm: same night.
It had turned late when Willow and Tara had finally finished decorating Tara's tree.
Willow: Well, it took us best part of the night but I think it was worth it.
Tara: Oh yeah. I-it looks wonderful. Especially with the star th-that you picked out on top.
Willow: You like it?
Tara: Yeah.
Tara and Willow locked eyes for a moment.
Tara: I l-like you a lot.
Willow: What?
Tara: IT!! I l-like I-it a l-lot!!
Suddenly the floor became very interesting to Tara. She didn't dare look up. She knew that her eyes would give her away. The feelings she had for Willow went a whole lot deeper than friendship. Way deeper. And she knew her eyes would reveal her true feelings for the other witch. When she had seen Willow in the Wicca group, she had felt something. And when she and Willow and touched hands in the laundry room, she had felt that something again. She had known what she was feeling all along. She knew that she had fallen for the redhead. Who in their right mind wouldn't? She was beautiful and funny, very smart and not to mention caring. Tara sighed. How could Willow ever feel the same about her? She didn't think herself to be any of the things Willow was. With the exception of caring, that is. Tara had always been very caring. But she lacked other things. Or she thought she did. She didn't consider herself to be very pretty or funny. She didn't think she was all that smart either. But maybe Willow thought different. Maybe Willow thought she was pretty and funny and smart. But what were the chances of that? Tara was a girl, and as far as she knew Willow had never had a relationship with a girl before.
"But who's to say this isn't different?"
Tara didn't want to get her hopes up. She put her heart on the line before.... and it had ended badly. She was scared to do that again. If she did, there was a chance that her heart would be shot into pieces and be impossible to fix back together. Especially if Willow was the one who couldn't return the love Tara had for her.
Tara finally worked up the courage to look at Willow and was surprised to find the other witch smiling at her. Of course, as soon as Willow realised that Tara had looked up, she looked away.
Willow: Um, I better go. It's getting late.
Tara: Y-yeah. I g-guess…. you h-have to be at you p-parents?
Willow: What?
Tara: C-Christmas eve. You probably have s-somewhere t-to be.
Willow: No. I’m just going to go back to the dorm and wallow in my thoughts. Plus, you know, Jewish.
Willow flashed a half smile.
Tara: Oh yeah. B-but, B-Buffy’s not going to b-be there? At your dorm?
Willow: No. She’s with Riley…. something about wanting to spend their first Christmas together…. together.
Tara: Oh.
Willow sighed and put her coat on.
Willow: I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?
Willow turned to leave, but was stopped by Tara’s voice.
Tara: W-wait.
Willow turned and faced Tara. A questioning expression clouded her face.
Tara: I uh…. Since y-you d-don’t have any p-plans for tonight…. Maybe you c-c-could…. Stay. H-Here.
Willow had to control the huge smile that was threatening to show itself.
Willow: I wouldn't want to be a bother....
The disappointment showed on Tara's face and Willow picked up on it instantly.
Willow: But if you're sure.... if you want me too.... I'd like to.... I mean....
Tara smiled. Willow in babble mode was so cute.
Tara: Is that a y-yes?
Willow nodded and smiled back.
Tara: Okay. I'll, um…. I’ll get you something to sleep in.
With a shy smile, Tara walked over to her wardrobe and Willow watched her.
“This won't be so hard. All I've got to do is spend the night. Lying next to her, in her bed, very close.... almost touching.... without kissing her.... yeah, won't be so hard.”
Willow shook her head and Tara came back carrying a pair of pyjamas.
Tara: Uh, th-this all I have spare.
Tara handed Willow the pale blue pyjamas. They had red teddy bears on them and Willow couldn't help but grin.
**********
Tara walked into her floor’s bathroom, and looked around. Once she was sure there was no one in the room but her, she looked at herself in the mirror.
Tara: Do I really ex-expect myself to b-be able to control m-my feelings around her?
Tara washed and dried her face, before sitting on the chair that was stood in the corner of the room.
Tara: Why c-can’t I just tell her how I feel?
A voice in the back of her head, told her exactly why. ~Rejection~ it said. It screamed it at her. Tara pleaded with the voice to shut up, but it wouldn’t go away. ~You really think she could feel the same way about you? Look at you! Why would she want you?! You have nothing to offer her. Nothing. She’d reject you and not even take a second glance.~
Tara wiped away a tear that had managed to escape just as the door of the bathroom opened, and Willow walked in.
Willow: Tara, what’s wrong?
Tara: N-nothing.
Willow: You’ve been crying….
Tara: I-I just got s-something in m-my eye…. I’m fine.
Willow didn’t believe Tara. She could tell that the other girl had been crying. What she didn’t know was why. Tara got to her feet.
Willow: Tara….
Tara: I’m f-fine, Willow.
Tara’s tone of voice was filled with frustration. And although she didn’t realise it, her words and been harsh to the other witch’s ears.
Willow: O-okay.
They stood in silence for a moment, each of them wanting to know the other’s thoughts.
Tara: S-sorry. I-I just…. Have a lot o-on m-my mind.
Willow: It’s okay, Tara.
Willow smiled at Tara who returned the smile, shyly.
**********
Tara’s dorm room: same night.
Willow returned from the bathroom wearing the pyjamas Tara had borrowed her, to find the blonde witch sitting on the chair in the room, brushing her hair. Willow remember a story that Tara had told, about how Tara’s mother used to brush her hair every night before she went to bed. And how her mother would have to do it twenty-five times. Willow stood in the doorway, watching Tara. Her eyes transfix on the other girl. She wondered what the other girl was thinking as she brushed her hair.
“Is there any chance she could be thinking about me?”
Willow doubted it. She didn’t think there was any chance that Tara could have even slightly romantic feelings towards her. Her eye’s still fixed on the beauty in front of her, Willow let out a sigh before she could stop it. Tara stopping brushing her hair mid-stroke, and turned her head to the doorway. Willow immediately pushed herself off the doorframe and walked towards the bed, to make it look as if she had only just returned. Tara looked back and forth between Willow, who had her back to her, and the door.
“Was she…. Watching me?” There it was again. The voice. ~Wishful thinking, Tara.~ Tara tried to ignore the voice, and went back to brushing her hair.
Willow: Left or right?
Tara turned, confused by her friend’s question.
Tara: W-what?
Willow: Side of the bed…. Left or right? It’s your bed. I thought I should ask.
Tara: Oh. Uh, r-right.
Willow nodded and began to take the cushions that were set out on the bed, off the bed. To say she was nervous about spending the night in a bed with the person she didn’t have the courage to tell she was in love with was an understatement. She was heading towards terrified. What if she slipped up and told Tara she loved her? How would Tara react?
“Probably kick me out.”
Willow sighed for the umpteenth time that night. She didn’t know what to do. Meanwhile, Tara was having similar thoughts.
“If I do tell her how I feel…. What would she do?” The voice started nagging again. ~She’d run. She’d run out of this room and you’d never see her again. You know she would. Too bad you can’t have her, Tara. And you love her so much. What a pity.~ The voice was sarcastic, and Tara almost began crying. The pain of loving someone so much, and knowing that they can’t love you back was unbearable. What was she doing inviting Willow to spend the night? Tara knew the answer to that question.
“Hoping.”
Willow got into Tara’s bed and lay down. Her thoughts, for some reason, turned to Buffy and Xander. In a way she envied them. She had to hide her feelings from the person she loved, she had to struggle with the ‘What if?’ questions, while they were content in the arms of the person they loved. Buffy could tell Riley that she loved him, and she didn’t have to fear his reaction. Xander could do the same with Anya. Sure, she was happy that they were happy, but there was still that part of her that wanted what they had. She wanted to be able to tell Tara she loved her and not fear her reaction, and to have Tara say she loved her back. But she knew that she could never have that satisfaction.
Willow rolled over so that she was facing Tara.
“Gods, she’s beautiful.” Another sigh escaped Willow’s lips, and Tara turned around quick enough to see Willow close her eyes and pretend she was sleeping. A smile formed on Tara’s lips, and she put her brush back on the desk and got up. Making her way over to her bed she asked herself the same question that she’d been asking herself for the last couple of weeks.
“Does she feel the same?” Once again, the voice screamed out at her. And every time it did, it sent bolt of white-hot pain through her heart. ~No!~
Tara slid under the covers next to Willow, and instantly felt herself being torn apart by two different feelings: calmness and fear. She always felt an overwhelming sensation of calmness flow through her body whenever she was close to Willow. It was as if the hacker had the ability to calm her in any situation. Whether Tara was upset, angry about something or confused. But this time, even being close to Willow couldn’t block out the feeling of confusion and fear. She was so scared that if she told Willow how she felt, that the other girl would be disgusted and never speak to her again. Tara couldn’t bare the thought of that happening, and the fear that it might happen, paralysed her. Her love for Willow was so powerful she would do anything for her. Tara wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with the other witch, and the fact that she couldn’t was more painful than anything she ever imagined.
Willow mumbled a goodnight, bringing Tara out of her thoughts.
Tara: G-goodnight.
Minute after minute passed and both girls lay in silence. Neither one the least bit tired and both unknowingly wanting to tell the other the same thing.
Willow closed her eyes, hoping this would help her drift off to sleep and make the longing to hold Tara in her arms go away. It didn’t work. It got to the point where Willow couldn’t take it anymore, and she rolled onto her side so that if she opened her eyes, she could see Tara. She kept her eyes closed, and after a while she assumed Tara was asleep. She opened one eye and saw that Tara’s eyes were closed.
“She looks so peaceful when she’s asleep.” Willow noticed the wisps of hair that were covering Tara’s face and tried to fight the urge to tuck it behind the girl’s ear. But she failed, and reaching out, she lightly tucked the hair behind Tara’s ear hoping that the girl wouldn’t wake up. What Willow didn’t know, was that Tara was awake.
“She just tucked my hair behind my ear, it doesn’t mean anything.” Tara continued to lay there with her eyes closed. Doing her best to stay calm. She could here Willow breathing.
“I need to calm down. She probably didn’t mean anything by it, she-” Tara’s thoughts were cut short, when she felt an arm wrap around her waist.
Willow took the plunge and let her arm wrap around Tara’s middle. She still thought Tara was asleep. It was when Tara spoke, that Willow realised she was wrong.
Tara: W-Willow?
Willow froze. She didn’t know what to do.
Willow: Sorry.
She removed her arm and rolled over so she was facing the opposite side of the room.
Tara: W-why….
Willow: What?
Tara: W-why did you d-do that?
Willow sighed. Was she ready to tell Tara how she felt?
Willow: I…. I wanted to….
Tara: But w-why?
Willow: I…. I….
There was a moment of silence before Tara spoke again.
Tara: W-Willow, look at me.
Willow hesitated and then rolled over to face Tara. She looked at the other girl before closing her eyes again. She still didn’t trust her eyes. She wasn’t ready for them to give her away. She wasn’t ready for Tara to hate her and never speak to her again, which she was sure would happen. She’d never be ready for that. She was all ready for Tara to hate her and kick her out of the room, but when she felt Tara move closer to her, and then felt the other girls lips on her own, she wasn’t ready for that at all. Tara pulled away before Willow could do anything, and got out of the bed.
Tara: I’m s-sorry, Willow. I-I sh-shouldn’t h-have…. I’m sorry.
Tara picked up her coat and ran towards the door.
Willow: No, Tara wait!
But it was too late. Tara had gone.
“Ran out of her own dorm room….”
Willow got out of the bed and ran after Tara. She had to find her, tell her how she felt. At least now there was a chance that Tara could feel the same.
**********
Campus.
It was still raining, and Tara was soaked to the skin. She walked around the campus asking herself why she had kissed Willow like that. She knew the answer of course: Because she wanted too. The same reason Willow had put her arm around her. Tara stopped. Did Willow like her? In the same way that Tara liked her. ~Of course not!~ The voice screamed at her. ~Why would she-?~ the voice was stopped when Tara heard someone calling out her name.
Willow: Tara! Tara, where are you?!
Tara wondered if she should let Willow know that she was there, but Willow noticed her and began walking towards Tara.
Willow: Tara, listen-
Tara: No, W-Willow, I n-need to tell y-you something.
Willow: Well can we at least go inside…. You must be freezing.
Tara: I am, k-kinda cold.
Willow: Come on.
**********
Tara’s dorm room
Tara dried her hair with a towel, while Willow sat on the bed. She knew she had to tell Willow how she felt, she just didn’t know how. Tara threw the towel into the corner of the room and walked over to her bed.
Tara: I um, a-about that th-thing I needed to t-tell you….
Willow just sat in silence. She wanted to hear this.
Tara: You r-remember the time i-in the laundry room? When w-we had t-to move the s-soda machine….
Willow nodded.
Tara: I f-felt something…. a c-connection.
Willow: Me too.
Tara: Willow…. What I’m t-trying to s-say is…. I’m in love with you. I h-have been since the f-first time I s-saw you…. And I j-just had to t–tell you.
Willow thought she’d forgotten how to breathe. Had her ears stopped working properly or had Tara really just told her that? Willow’s mind wasn’t really taking everything in. So Tara did feel the same. She looked at the person who had just poured her heart out to her and saw the love that was concealed in her eyes.
Willow: I…. Tara….
Tara: It’s o-okay, I know y-you don’t f-feel the same….
Willow: But I do!
Willow clapped her hand to her mouth. She’d done it.
Willow: I love you.
Willow gathered up all the courage she could, leaned forward and kissed Tara.
It was as if the rest of world was out of focus, and the only clear images were the two people that were sitting on the bed expressing their love for one another.
Tara let herself be pushed back onto the bed by Willow, their lips never parting. The kiss continued for a while longer, and when Willow broke the kiss, both girls were breathless.
Willow looked down at the one person she knew she’d spend her life with and smiled. She loved Tara more than words could say, and tucking a stray strand of hair behind Tara’s ear, she looked over to the clock that was on Tara’s bedside table. It read: 12:05am.
Looking back towards Tara, she smiled again.
Willow: Merry Christmas.
Tara: Merry Christmas, Willow.
Willow leaned down and kisses Tara again. It was then they both knew that this would be the first Christmas of many that they would spend together.
Without warning, the voice that plagued Tara made itself heard again. Except this time, it was different. It wasn’t accusing or sarcastic. It simply said:
~Okay…. So I could have been wrong.~
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Okay, last question. What advice would you give to someone who gets their brains sucked out?
Um ... eat a lot of apple sauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians.
-Amber in Steppin' Out magazine