Fic: Since You've Been Gone

[Forrister]

I loved all the images in this. The music, Faith's despair, Tara in dead sexy gear, the sleazy pick up bar, the dirty dancing, Tara in dead sexy gear (I'm obsessed) ... I could go on and on. (If I haven't already.)

Thanks Chance for another great installment. I hope your real life hassles are small ones and soon over.

Amicus certus in re incerta cernitur.
(A sure friend is discovered in an unsure situation.)

[Puff]

Simply brilliant Chance, I love this fic.

[Bunny]

This is simmering along nicely.

[Ressick]

*big ass grin*

You go girl!!! WOO HOO Chance!!!!

Love ya babe,

Res

[Chance]

I felt bad about taking so long, and this just poured out.

Rating: Probably an R, it'll probably get racy… and it's Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I'm a little kid playing with her big brother's very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I'd be in trouble. But, I'll put 'em back where I found em! And I'll so be careful! (And I don't own 'em, and I'm not making money from this.)
Note: The songs are "Angel's Son" by Straight Up (a tribute to the lead singer of Snot) and Edwin McCain's "I'll Be".

Since You've Been Gone
Chance

Chapter Seven: My Love is Alive and Not Dead

Faith woke up from a restless sleep. There was someone lurking around the outside of the house, her slayer senses were lit up like the sky on the Fourth of July. She was again thankful for the slayer recovery. No hangover. She wouldn't have wanted one right now. She got up, lurking through the dark house. It was kind of weird, being in B's house without B or Mrs. Summers. She was glad Dawn was there though, she had always liked the kid. Willow and Tara had explained the whole "key" thing. Apparently they were as surprised, as she was that the monks gave her the memories of Dawn, but they had, and Faith was willing to still call Dawn Buffy's sister. She even promised that she'd protect her. It meant something to Willow, Tara could tell. She could also tell that Dawn meant a lot to Faith. Dawn, of course, remembered Faith in kind, and was more than excited to see the slayer. Apparently Buffy had never filled in the details for Dawn, only saying the slayer had left town. They had quite the little reunion. And now there was someone lurking outside, and Faith would not have that on her watch. She was going to keep her word, whether she had to go down doing it or not didn't seem to matter to her at all.

Silently she made her way to the front door. She was totally careful not to make any abrupt noise, lest she provoke or frighten the intruder away. If there was someone outside who shouldn't be, they damn well better have some answers for her. She crept to the door, keeping low. She listened, but the door was made of hard wood; it was rather solid. Finally, throwing caution to the wind, she flung open the door. Willow didn't even notice, she was pretty involved.

* * *

Willow had been sitting outside for almost an hour, reflecting. It had been a rough hour, one of the longest in her life. She missed Buffy, she missed her terribly. And there was nothing she could seemingly do to stop the hurt. It just kept going. She knew she was shutting Tara out, and she didn't want to, even in the slightest bit. But it was something she had to cope with before she could let Tara in. She would understand that, wouldn't she?

Tara understood everything. That didn't mean she'd be happy about it at all. Willow began to do the one thing that seemed the most therapeutic for everyone lately. She began to sing.

~ Life is changing, I can't go on, without you, Rearranging, I will be strong, I'll stand by you. You were fighting, everyday, so to hide the pain, I know we'll never say good-bye, I have so much left to say. ~

She paused; her eyes welled full with tears. She did have so much to say. She knew Buffy knew that Willow loved her. She knew Buffy knew that she was proud of her. But she wanted the chance to say it to Buffy's face. She wanted to tell her best friend how utterly and completely perfect her lover actually was. Her faults were just more things that made her better. How Willow herself felt she was changing, growing, maturing, and becoming more responsible. How much Dawn missed her. Willow wanted Buffy to see how well they were taking care of the house and Dawn. It was important to them both, Willow and Tara. They needed to keep that much alive for Buffy. They owed her that much.

~ Oh that soul, given to an angel's son, as soon as you were gone, as soon as you were gone...~

Buffy's soul had gone straight to an angel, she knew it. She could feel it deep within her, and she knew it was true because she wished it. Because Willow wanted it so badly she couldn't breath for the passion of it. Every wish is a spell. If you want something badly enough, and you wish for it long enough, all you're truly doing is spell casting. Most people didn't know that. Willow hadn't known that herself, until Tara one day had told her about it. She thought long and hard, and she supposed it was true. Well, she hoped it was, and she hoped so desperately that her mini spell had worked here.

* * *

Tara had felt her lover get up out of their bed. But she always woke up when Willow left her side, without fail. Willow didn't know though. She had been adorably careful in not waking up her lover; Tara didn't have the heart to tell her the truth. Now she was feeling the sorrow from her lover from outside the house, she felt it in a link that connected them both. Willow's sorrow was hers, and vise versa. She knew Willow was being ripped apart, and she felt powerless to stop it. If only she could find a way. She sighed, rising the bed, wrapping a sheet around her naked body, and standing in the window. She was a vision like that -- as if one of the Gods themselves blessed her with her beauty. Her blond hair flowed down her shoulders and onto her back, the sheet covered her form with that hint of what was underneath, and bathed in moonlight, Tara was nothing short of a miracle. She stared out that window for awhile before she could finally respond to it in any way. She chose her way in that soft voice of hers, and filled the room with it's sound. She only ever sang about Willow, and this felt more appropriate than anything else did.

~ The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful, Stop me and steal my breath, Emeralds from mountains, thrust towards the sky, Never revealing their depth, Tell me that we belong together, Dress it up with the trappings of love, I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips, Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above ~

Only Willow could make her feel like this. She loved Willow so much. She sighed, and then continued.

~ I'll be your cryin' shoulder, I'll be love's suicide, I'll be better when I'm older, I'll be the greatest fan of your life ~

* * *

In the meantime, Faith was having a moral dilemma. Did she stop Willow from singing? Did she let her go on? Willow seemed to be having some serious venting time. And to be honest, Faith wasn't sure she should interrupt that. The song was beautiful, the words so perfectly suited to Willow and her pain. She wanted to go give the red head a hug, but was afraid of how she'd react. So she let her go on, and stood leaning against the doorway listening.

* * *

~ I have a new life now, she lived through you, what can I do? ~

Tara was now not only Willow's lover, but also her best friend in the world. Sure, Willow still had Xander, but she needed female companionship as well, even just for friendship. Having her best friend as her girlfriend, now that was just a perk.

~ I feel so alone now, I pray for you, we still love you! ~

We still love you, Buffy. We all still love you, Xander, Anya, Tara, Me, Giles... Faith. Faith, she had been horrible to Faith, she knew. She had known years ago of Faith's true feelings for Buffy, she had never doubted the slayer's love. She had never brought it up to her best friend, though, assuming she knew. Assuming Buffy had dealt with it at the time, but now she wondered if Buffy ever knew. She closed her eyes, letting go of her thoughts.

~ You were fighting everyday so to hide the pain, I'll know you'll never say goodbye, I have so much left to say...~

* * *

Faith took two steps out of the doorway, moving behind Willow. Willow still hadn't noticed, and Faith didn't want to scare her. She just stood quietly and listened, a tear silently forming in her own eye.

* * *

Tara felt the pain pour up through the house. There was so much sorrow that pooled about in these haunted rooms, and Tara felt every bit of it. She wanted to comfort her lover, but she knew she wasn't what she needed. Tara had known and loved Buffy, yes. But not nearly as well or as deeply or to such a great extent as Willow. Faith might have loved Buffy more deeply than Willow, if that was indeed possible. Willow needed someone who could feel the intensity of her pain and respond to it as one who felt likewise. Tara was not that person, but she knew Faith was. She knew Willow would be okay. And she knew Faith would be okay -- Willow had a way of helping even when she wasn't trying.

~ Rain falls angry on the tin roof, As we lie awake in my bed, You're My Survival, You're My Living Proof, My love is alive and not dead... ~

Willow and Tara were proof to each other that their souls and hearts hadn't died with Buffy. They were still alive, they were functioning. They had to keep going. If for no other reason, than for each other, for Dawn, for Buffy, as she'd asked them to.

~ Tell me that we belong together, Dress it up with the trappings of love, I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips, Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above... ~

And now, when the pain was at it's worst, all she needed was Willow there with her. She knew Willow needed her as well. They loved each other, and that love could conquer anything -- grief, jealousy, depression. She would be for Willow what Willow always remained for her, the light to show the way home, the voice that comforts, the shoulder that sustains tears. Tara loved Willow, and that was all she knew.

I'll Be your cryin' shoulder, I'll Be love's suicide, I'll Be better when I'm older, I'll Be the greatest fan of your life ~

* * *

Willow's voice cut through the darkness of the late hour, and as she sang, she grew more and more powerful. Every feeling she had poured out into the words as the song drew to a close.

~ Oh that soul, given to an angel's son, as soon as you were gone, as soon as you were gone, oh that soul, I can't believe you're gone, I can't believe, as soon as you were gone, as soon as you were gone, gone, gone...~

And then the weight of it all was too much, her feelings had become overbearing. She crumpled back, falling, but too weak to stop herself.

Faith stepped forward and caught her easily. She pulled Willow into a loose embrace, Willow's back leaning against her front, Faith's arms crossed over Willow's stomach. If she was surprised by the fact that Willow didn't protest, she didn't show it. Willow, on the other hand, was very shocked by her own reaction, but she sank easily into the comfort. And they stood there like that for awhile, one gaining strength from the other.

Faith sighed. "I think it's gonna be five by five."

Willow laughed, despite herself. "Faith, what does that mean?"

Faith smiled too, and shrugged. Willow felt the motion rather than saw it. "I'm not really sure. Sounds good, though."

* * *

Tara was lying back in bed, staring at the ceiling when the knock on the door came. Once again, she wrapped her sheet around her, and opened the door. She was greeted by Faith carrying Willow in her arms. "Is she okay?" Tara asked, concerned but not worried.

"Fine. Fell asleep while we were talking." Faith smiled. "Just figured I'd drop her back off with you." She walked Willow over to the bed, and set her down gently, pushing a strand of hair from the girl's face with a mother's care. She shrugged. "Better to let the love of her life take care of her than me."

Tara smiled, and it radiated over her entire face. "Thank you for making sure she was safe."

"No problem, Blondie. I'll see you in the morning." Faith began to walk from the room, but suddenly felt her hand caught in another. She looked back up at Tara.

Tara leaned forward and kissed Faith on the forehead. "You're going to be okay, too." They shared a smile, and Tara shut the door.

Faith sank down to the floor, the gesture overwhelming her. She sat there for a good long while and let the tears run down her face. She made no move to wipe them away, she allowed herself to bask in the pain. It was all she had left of Buffy, and she was going to cherish that.

* * *

Tara pulled the covers up and over Willow's sleeping form, and sat down on the bed next to her. She sang one last time.

~ I'll Be your cryin' shoulder, I'll Be love's suicide, I'll Be better when I'm older, I'll Be the greatest fan of your life~

She leaned over, brushed her lips over Willow's once, and then settled down for the rest of the night.

[Puff]

Chance this fic rocks, wow that part was just so sweet and sad.

[Forrister]

My guts are all churned up with the hurt and the healing and the sheer beauty of it all.

Thanks for this, it's great.

Dum Fidei est, spes est.
(While there's Faith, there's hope.)

[Brynn]

Hey liking this fic -- but question - whatever happened to the stripper fic - It Could Happen? I was reading past stuff and found that fic ... it went as far as Faith and Willow dancing in the club ... and that was it ... or did I miss something?!?

[Katharyn]

Keep it coming chance,keep it coming

Katharyn

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She's my always

[xita]

Slowly reading the fic on the pens, I am so behind.. but I caught up on this one, lovely. The pain, the love. It makes you feel alive, with feelings. Thanks chance.

[tommo]

Woo, I love catching up on good fic. And this is great. I like your take on Faith and our two girls.

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"Y-you wanna look at the money? I find it always calms me."

[Chance]

Thanks for the positive flow, folks.

I'm working on keeping it coming right now, I had a happy weekend, so hopefull I'll be better equiped for this next piece.

Mmm... as for "It Could Happen", it's funny you should bring that up. I stopped writing it. Personal reasons, it became very difficult to keep up with, to maintain. But I've recently been tinkering with it again, so it very well may pop up on your screen soon.

Back to the drawing board, hopefully the new stuff will be up in a few hours, maybe tomorrow. I'm not really sure what I'm doing tonight yet. Wish me luck.

Chance.

[Chance]

And here it is, as promised...

Rating: Probably an R, it'll probably get racy… and it's Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I'm a little kid playing with her big brother's very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I'd be in trouble. But, I'll put 'em back where I found em! And I'll so be careful! (And I don't own 'em, and I'm not making money from this.)
Note: The song is “True Colors” by Cyndi Lauper, the lyrics might be altered ever so slightly. Other than that, whatever. This is a little fluffy, but hey, could use something a little happier, right?
Dedication: To Xita, who definitely needed a little fluff in her life.

Since You've Been Gone
Chance

Chapter Eight: Can’t Remember When I Last Saw You Laughing

Willow’s eyes were blurry and sore when she tested them against the morning light. Tara’s weight was still on hers, so immediately she was comforted. What a night it had been, and Faith – who knew? Who knew she could be that gentle and caring? Who knew she could make Willow feel less alone? Tara did, that was for sure. Faith missed Buffy like Willow missed Buffy. It was a complete and utter pain that riveted up and down through their bodies and refused to be quieted. The intensity of it scared Willow, but Faith seemed to be familiar with it. She even imagined that this might have been how Faith felt after she killed that man. It was only speculation of course, nothing concrete. And Willow worked mainly on concrete evidence. Even now, with magic and love consuming much of the way she lived, Willow still demanded upon a certain answer. She didn’t have answers. But she wanted them. She wanted to help Faith and have Faith help her. It was an odd feeling, new, something she was unaccustomed to. But it felt good.

She leaned over and kissed her girlfriend, fully on the lips, and felt the lips first sink and bend to her will. Then, slowly, the lips seemed to be revived, life flowing to them and responding in kind. The kiss deepened, lips opening and tongues sliding, giggles muffled, fingers tickling, yawning stifled. It slowed and eased back, both relenting to the pressing matters of a morning.

“I missed you.” Willow whispered, sweeping her lips over Tara’s ear, taking the beautiful lobe into her ear and nibbling ever so gently.

“Mmmm…” Tara leaned into Willow, pulling her closer. “You couldn’t have been up for even a full five minutes before waking me up.”

Willow smiled, and placed a peck on Tara’s lips once more. “I told you, I missed you. I missed your smile.” Willow’s fingers traced the upturned corners of Tara’s lips. “I missed your beautiful blue eyes.” She leaned and placed a kiss on each eyelid as they fluttered down. “I missed hearing your voice and the low rumble in your throat as you wake up.” She traced a path of kisses down Tara’s neck. Tara responded with the sound Willow so cherished. “And I missed having my favorite girl to talk to.”

“Someone’s feeling better.” Tara poked Willow lightly on her sides before resting her hands on them.

“A little.” Willow’s smile faded slightly. “But I know that this morning I couldn’t wait to open my eyes to see you next to me, and all day I’m going to be happy knowing you’re here.” She rested her head on Tara’s breast, creating a pillow. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“For what?” Tara asked, quirking her head down at Willow.

“For not being here when you needed me.”

“It’s okay. You’re here now.” Tara giggled. “And if you keep waking me up like that, all will be forgiven.”

* * *

Faith had been up long enough to start breakfast. There was coffee brewing, of which she’d already had a cup. She was making her famous western omelets, and she wanted them to be perfect. She was in the middle of a flip when she heard a shriek. “What? What?” She turned quickly, suddenly ready to fight.

Dawn stepped out from behind the dining room wall. “I’m sorry. I kind of forgot you were here while I was sleeping. You scared me.” She looked at the food quizically. “You can cook?”

“Give it a shot.” Faith nodded, handing her a fork. Dawn poked at the omelet like it might jump up for a moment, and finally took a bite.

“Wow.”

Faith smiled. “Thanks.” She turned back to the stove, her back to the door. She remained like that, attempting to fix the now faulty omelet. She was so concentrated, she didn’t hear the witches come in.

“Will! Tara! Faith can cook!” Dawn exclaimed happily, all the while shoving more food in her mouth.

“Really?” Willow asked, watching Dawn, bemused.

“Apparently so.” Watching the proceedings with a grin on her face. It actually felt normal in this kitchen right now, and she was going to hold onto that.

“Give it a shot.” Faith placed two more plates on the table, with forks. “Coffee?”

“Please.” The girls said at once. Faith just nodded. They shared a look, and both took a bite at the same time.

“Wow, Faith, these are great. Where’d you learn to cook like this?” Tara was pleasantly surprised.

Faith ran an arm across her forehead, she was sweating from the heaters. “I had to cook for myself a lot when I was younger. Came in handy, I guess.”

“Very handy. Thank you for this.” Willow made sure to emphasize the thank you. She was making an effort. “You might be stuck with mornings from now on.”

Faith turned to look at the two girls. “Mornings?”

“Well, if you’re going to stay here, you have to start with the chores.” Dawn was happily pointing it out. It meant one less chore for her.

“Fair enough.”

Faith finally came and sat down with them at the table. They were certainly a peculiar group of women, but for the moment, it felt like family. Dawn rose and turned on the radio, the soft voice filled the room, and it felt strangely appropriate.

~ You with the sad eyes, don’t be discouraged, no one realizes it’s hard to take courage, in a world full of people you can lose sight of it all, the darkness inside you makes you feel so small…

But I see your true colors shining through, I see your true colors that’s why I love you, so don’t be afraid to let them show, your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow.

Show me a smile then, don’t be unhappy, can’t remember when I last saw you laughing, if this world makes you crazy and you’ve taken all you can bear, you call me up, ‘cuz you know I’ll be there.

But I see your true colors shining through, I see your true colors that’s why I love you, so don’t be afraid to let them show, your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow.

Can’t remember when I last saw you laughing, if this world makes you crazy, you’ve taken all you can bear, you call me up, ‘cuz you know I’ll be there…

But I see your true colors shining through, I see your true colors that’s why I love you, so don’t be afraid to let them show, your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow.

Your true colors, your true colors, your true colors are shining through, your true colors, that’s why I love you, so don’t be afraid to let them show, your true colors, your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow. ~

Willow and Tara shared a smile as the song ended. Faith shifted in her seat. “Faith, what do you say we go talk to Giles about slayage and whatnot after we drop Dawn off at school?”

Faith smiled. “Sounds good.” And as she jogged up the stairs to get changed, even she felt like her true colors were showing for the first time.

[xita]

Thank you It's lovely, that's such a lovely song, beautiful and so was that waking up scene.

[Forrister]

Thanks again Chance. I'll be humming that song in my sleep tonight!

Amicus verus est rara avis.
(A true friend is a rare bird.)

[tommo]

Ah, I love that song. And it fits Faith so well in this chapter. Thanks Chance. I'm loving the way the friendship is progressing slowly. Powerful stuff.

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"Y-you wanna look at the money? I find it always calms me."

[Warduke]

Great stuff Chance, and the waking up scene...nice

Love that song too.

[Dumbsaint]

What a nice bit to wake up to myself, Chance. Thanks for that.

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"'If we want it to be exactly she'll never be exactly I know the only really real Buffy is really Buffy and she's gone' who?"

"Hoppy toad... heehee-"

"What advice would you give to someone who gets their brains sucked out?"
"Um ... eat a lot of apple sauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians. " -Amber

[Bunny]

Real heartwarming stuff Chance

[Ressick]

What an awesome update to be the last thing I read before I go to bed. *smile*

That's my girl.

Res

[legend]

OMG - That waking up scene was deliciously irresistable! Heartwarming indeed!

[Katharyn]

Mmmmn, lovely. What is it about waking up scenes that make them as special as the going to bed ones?

Katharyn

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She's my always

[Chance]

Here ya go, folks...

Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: The song is Bush’s “Glycerine”. I dunno if anyone would notice, but again, some of the lyrics were changed to fit my purpose. No W/T in this one, but there will be in the next. You may notice, umm… something’s a bit different than canon (Ooo… suspense, pretty…) go with me on it, we’ll see where we can go.

Since You’ve Been Gone
Chance

Chapter Nine: Now I Can Feel

The Magic Shop had proved uneventful. The assorted gang, now composed of Giles, Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara had received her well, and now she was on patrol. Giles had no trouble in putting her right to work, but Faith could see he was still weary of her. Then again, Giles seemed weary of everything. Tara and Willow had mentioned he was taking the whole thing badly, but Faith had never seen the man so defeated. He was a shadow of himself, merely going through the motions, not invested in them. But he had accepted her place in their lives again.

Xander was less than thrilled to have her back, but willing to do it for the world’s sake. After all, what was the Hellmouth without a slayer? And given that Buffy had died, she was the only one around for awhile. She imagined Xander suggesting that they kill her many times, but he was nothing but cordial. Anya, on the other hand, looked ready to slit her throat whenever she glanced Xander’s way. Faith liked her immediately. Anya was not afraid or intimidated by Faith, not if Faith was a threat to her relationship. Faith had no interest in Xander, she regretted ever having slept with him to begin with. He was a decent guy, and actually surprisingly not bad in bed, although Faith had only done it in an attempt to make Buffy even slightly jealous. It hadn’t worked, but she still got off, so… Well, that was the old Faith. This new improved Faith felt bad she used him. She wanted to tell him so, but couldn’t bring herself to manufacture the words.

Xander seemed to miss Buffy of course, as did Anya in her own way. But neither was as bad off as Giles, and even he wasn’t as bad as Willow. And, if she was being honest with herself, which in the spirit of the moment, what the hell? Even Willow wasn’t as bad as her. No one missed Buffy like Faith did. Even Dawn seemed to be moving on, although Faith could tell that she had hidden her grief rather well. Dawn had been so willing to allow Faith into her life, Faith assumed it was for lack of a sister. If Dawn was willing, Faith felt she could be that figure in Dawn’s life now. She felt as if she owed that to Buffy.

Faith turned a bend in the cemetery, surveying the area. She had killed a vampire or two this evening, but she could sense at least three more. She felt them in her bones, and chilling as it was, it energized her. Slaying had become less sexual, Faith noted. It had become more of a therapy than anything else. She now knew where Buffy came from when she said a good slay at the end of a bad day let her sleep well. But the vamps weren’t coming. It was like they were hiding somewhere from her presence, but she couldn’t imagine a vampire being alive who would remember who she was. Buffy tossed them quickly. Early to rise, early to the stake.

She soon came upon a place she had been dreading. The cemetery cut off into woods at this area, and she had been told it was within a clearing that Buffy was buried. She had resisted the temptation to come there more than once. There was a lot she had to say, but she couldn’t imagine actually looking at Buffy’s grave. She feared it would make it too real for her. But she sensed the vamps were in those woods, and she knew she had to slay at least another before she could retire for the evening. It didn’t seem right to leave vamps alive just because they wouldn’t make it easy and come out. So she stalked her way quietly through the wooded area.

~ It must be your skin, I’m sinking in, It must be for real, ‘cuz now I can feel,
And I didn’t mind, it’s not my kind, It’s not my time, to wonder why.
Everything’s gone white, everything’s gray, now you’re here, now you’re away… ~

Before she came across the vamps, she had found the spot. There it was, hidden away in a quiet place, Buffy’s grave. There was a peaceful ambiance to it Faith had to admit. It was a good place to bury a slayer. The solace Buffy had so desired in life she found in… her resting-place. Faith neared the grave, inhaling deeply as if she could smell Buffy’s perfume. She was careful to walk around where Buffy’s coffin lay, as if to step on that ground were to step on something sacred. She knelt before the grave, letting her hands roam over the gravestone; her fingers probe the depths of the engraving. She felt the tears well up even before she opened her mouth. “B,” she breathed. It was a murmur, a whisper. Nothing even her slaying hearing could detect. She cleared her throat. “B.”

“They all miss you, B. I’ve seen them. Xander and Anya. They don’t even know what to do with themselves without you. They’re hurting pretty bad. And Giles looks like shit.” She winced. “Sorry B, but he does. You were like his kid, B, his own daughter. It’s hard on him that you’re gone. He’s way sensitive. He misses you so bad he can’t see. And Tara and Willow… Tara misses you, but she doesn’t want Willow to know. And Willow couldn’t even get out of bed for three days. I had to come and drag her out. But I did it, B. I did it because I owe it to you to take care of them. To make sure they’re okay, y’know? Dawn’s missing you too, B. I don’t think she understands why you left her alone here. Why you couldn’t just let her go. But I get it; B. It would have been too hard for you. You couldn’t have done what you do without her. Things are hard here, B. I miss you too.” Faith laughed, wiping the now free flowing tears from her face. “I want you back so bad. I never got to tell you how much I loved you, B. And that was the real problem. That was why what happened happened. Because I knew that you could never love me like I love you, and it drove me nuts. But I get it now, and I’m gonna make it up to you, even if you never know. I’m gonna take care of them all because I have to. I have to for you. I have to because I have to be able to love you in my own way. And this is how I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna love you by loving them. It’s the only way I can keep you with me. I’m not gonna hurt ‘em, B. I’m gonna take care of ‘em like you would of. I gotta go now; there are vamps to be dealt with. I love you, B. I’ll talk to you soon.”

~ I didn’t want this, Remember that, I’ll never forget where you’re at.
Don’t let the days go by, Glycerine. I’m never alone; I’m alone all the time,
Are you at one? Or do you rely? ~

She stood, staring at the grave she had just poured her heart out to. She was about to turn to leave, but almost as a second thought, she leaned down and kissed the top of the stone. A quick press of the lips, and then she was off. But it was enough. It was a simple expression of emotion, but enough to allow the tears to flow once more.

~ We live in a wheel, where everyone steals,
But when we rise it’s like strawberry fields… ~

They watched in the shadows, allowing Faith to walk from the scene. They had hidden in haste behind the tree when they heard her approach. They were cautious, the slayer could not see them. That would be the end of the spell. They slipped back out into the night, allowing it to blanket them in the darkness. They set back about their work. The Council members had much to do, and the ritual had to be performed perfectly.

~ I treated you bad, you bruised my face, Couldn’t love you more,
You got a beautiful taste, don’t let the days go by, Could have been easier on you,
I could not change though I wanted to. ~

Faith had been crying for some time, allowing herself to do that openly. Faith rarely ever allowed herself to cry, but it seemed pointless to stifle it. She knew she was upset, angry – hurt. She wanted Buffy. She wanted to tell her what an idiot she’d been, and how deeply she felt for her. How much that feeling had grown and matured inside her, and how she’d learned that love wasn’t what she had once thought it was. She wasn’t evil; she just was never sure how to cope. It drove her to do things even she didn’t understand. She had wanted to do things differently even as she was doing them, but she felt… wrong. She felt displaced, misunderstood. All the things she would have felt regardless of Buffy’s feelings, or the gang’s friendship. But now she knew, and she understood. Now she could learn to live with people to rely on. She was changing, she had changed.

~ Could have been easier by three, our old friend fear and you and me,
Glycerine, Glycerine. Don’t let the days go by, Glycerine. I need you more
When we wanted us less, could not kiss, just regress,
It might just be clear, simple and plain, well that’s just fine,
That’s just one of my names. ~

Faith left the cemetery, no more slaying, not tonight. Her feelings would get in the way; her emotions would get the best of her. She needed to be focused, and she simply wasn’t. She would go home, see how her girls were feeling, maybe make a snack and watch a movie with Dawn. Faith nearly laughed and cried for the beauty of domestication. She was a wild animal tamed, a ferocious beast broken. She couldn’t have been more pleased. Would Buffy have been pleased? Could Buffy have seen how much she had changed? The tears began to flow again. She wished she just had the chance to set things right.

~ Don’t let the days go by… Should have been easier on you… Glycerine. ~

Somewhere else, back in the woods, under the moon hidden with the grave freshly wet with tears, the Council members began the ritual. It was time to get the Slayer back. This time would be different. This time the ritual would work.

[This message has been edited by Chance (edited October 18, 2001).]

[tommo]

Ooooh I like the twist on the resurrection here. And damn, poor Faith. Poor, poor Faith.

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"Y-you wanna look at the money? I find it always calms me."

[Dumbsaint]

It gets better and better, Chance.
Can't wait for the next bit.

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"That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo!"

[Ressick]

That's my girl... messing with canon up the wazoo!!!! Excellent update, babe.

Res

[Forrister]

There's trouble a-brewin' down town. Good thing Faith is about. Someone should give her lots of cuddles and make her feel better. (No Ruth, you can't volunteer.) I keep saying this but it's time to say it again. Great work Chance!

Pax, libertas et suum cuique, per fidem robur.
(Peace, liberty and to each his own, by faith and strength.)

[tommo]

quote:

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Originally posted by Forrister:
Good thing Faith is about. Someone should give her lots of cuddles and make her feel better. (No Ruth, you can't volunteer.)

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Bah. Always spoilin' my fun.

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"Y-you wanna look at the money? I find it always calms me."quote:

[WiccanBex]

good work, chance

i like faith... i'll give her cuddles and make her feel better... you know... since ruth isn't allowed to volunteer...

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"if you throw a stone, something's gonna shatter somewhere. We're all so fragile, we're all so scared."
nocturnal review site

[Katharyn]

Another excellent part... I mean "gosh" you have me feeling sorry for Faith and still totally buying into the fact she IS Faith. Remarkable - the sympathy I mean not that you can do it!

Katharyn

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She's my always