Tsk-tsk some people (that means me)just never learn.
------------------
"Eat lot's of applesauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians." Amber Benson
by nika » Sun Dec 09, 2001 9:25 pm
------------------
"Eat lot's of applesauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians." Amber Benson
by Rane » Sun Dec 09, 2001 9:27 pm
by xita » Mon Dec 10, 2001 1:18 am
Love this line:
God Tara don't you miss me like I miss you? Keeping this distance is so hard )
thanks nika!
by nika » Mon Dec 10, 2001 11:10 am
Tara sat in front of the mirror looking through the image of herself reflected on the oval shaped glass, she stared as if trying to look beyond the cristal into the past and the future all at the same time. Her mind wouldn't - couldn't remain silent, there were too many things to think about before eight o'clock, too many questions that had no answers that could satisfy her need to know. How did it come to this? Could they ever go back to how they were before everything had gotten so wrecked? Were there even enough shattered pieces to put their relationship back together again? Why had she said yes to this date? She had been strong enough to walk away and not be there to see Willow destroy herself, but could she be strong enough to not go back before either of them was really ready? She loved Willow, but she had to admit that right now she didn't trust her. Her heart wanted to forgive and forget but never the less still felt the pain of Willow's words and actions.
I'm not ready for this...why did I say yes? It's like starting over instead of going foward we've gone backwards...after all we've been through we're going on a first date? If it wasn't so sad I would say it's downright funny. God Willow, saying no to you... is like saying no to breathing...I have to be strong...I have to be strong...I have to be strong.
Tara repeated those words like a mantra in an attempt to squelch the millions of butterfly-bats that had taken recidency in her stomach.
Willow checked her reflection for the tenth time, she was nervous and fidgety, two sensations that she hadn't experienced in quite a while, two sensations that she hadn't let herself feel for a long time, she had gotten used to being super Willow-scooby replacement boss- mega witch. Before Buffy had come back...had been pulled out of...heaven...by her best friend,by her "I am the lizard king I can do anything complex" best friend.
How could I mess up everything so badly? It's like everything I touch lately I destroy or taint at the very least.
Maybe I'm even being selfish now, I don't think Tara is ready for this, I don't know if I'm ready. I mean I'm ready to be with her always, but am I ready not to mess up and hurt her again? It's not like my days are filled with flowers and puppies, I stil have the urge, I'm still fighting with my worst enemy -me- I still get the shakes some nights and then there are the nightmares...oh, god those are a barrel of monkeys...monkeys with fangs and razor tails from hell that is...if she was in bed with me she would hold me making it better or... I could thrash out so badly that I could end up breaking her nose. This is going to be tough, to see her and not touch her...what was that movie? Far away so close? Yeah this is exactly like that, I know I don't have the right to have her again...not yet. I have to be strong...I have to be strong...I have to be strong.
Both girls felt a whirlwind of emotions swirling within them, they were nervous, excited, scared, thrilled, happy, sad...there were so many questions, so many possibilities...the road ahead looked everything but smooth. They were still in love that much was certain, but sometimes love isn't enough, it's not like in fairy tales, happily ever after is just a myth. If they let anyone go foward a year or two from the ending of the tale they would see fights with the prince about leaving the toilet seat up or Snow white divorcing m.r charming for hunting her little animal friends in the woods.
Love was always a start but never the end, there had to be respect and trust for a relationship to survive. Both Willow and Tara knew this, rebuilding something that had been so fractured was not going to be easy, they didn't even know if it was possible.
They both hoped they could make a new beggining, there wasn't much of a choice they had both changed in so many ways that getting to know each other again was they only possible place to start.
Willow looked at herself in the rearview mirror to check her make-up for one last time, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She walked slowly, clutching the bouquet of sun flowers to her chest, she stepped up to the door and took a few seconds to collect herself before ringing the bell. When she did she realized her hand was shaking as she waited for her destiny to open the door.
[This message has been edited by nika (edited January 31, 2002).]
by Fuzz » Tue Dec 11, 2001 8:48 am
quote:
Originally posted by nika:
God Willow, saying no to you... is like saying no to breathing...
LOVE IT !!!!!!!
quote:by wiltar » Tue Dec 11, 2001 5:17 pm
Patricia
------------------
"What are they looking at?"
"The hotness of you, doofus!"
by nika » Wed Jan 16, 2002 8:52 am
By the way could anyone please tell me, how I can change the title of my thread, since obviously this is no longer a new nor short story?
The door opened slowly and a blonde girl that wasn't Tara opened the door, Willow looked surprised for a moment blinking and letting out a breath she didn't know she had been holding.
blonde girl: "Hi, you must me Willow come in, Tara said she'll be right down"
Willow smiled and went through the door both relieved and disappointed that Tara had not been the one to open the door.
W: "Thank you"
Bg: "No problem you can wait in the living room, have a seat, I'm Julie by the way"
The friendly girl extended her hand and shook Willow's vigorously before letting go."
J: "Wow, you're cute no wonder..."
W: " no wonder what?" Willow asked genuinely curious
Julie let a grin spread through out her face and had a mischievous glint in her eyes before quickly answering "Oh nothing (giggle) Pay no mind to me...sometimes I just say too much...want a soda or something?"
Willow just nodded a no and Julie took off before she could ask again what she had meant by that comment. She was so preoccupied with that thought that she didn't hear that some one was coming down the stairs, but suddenly she felt a rush of energy that made her look towards the staircase and what she saw took her breath away and put an overdue smile on her face.
Tara looked like a princess straight out of a fairy tale, her hair was up showing every bit of her lovely facial features, which were accentuated by the light pastel make-up, her luscious long neck was further flattered by a single silver pendant that hung just above her low cut blouse's line, that by the way left a very good view of what lay underneath. Willow's vision lingered there just a few more seconds than could be considered polite before continuing her trek down the blondes body, she was wearing jeans that really didn't do her legs justice, but that would surely be compensated by the back side view or so thought the mesmerized red head. Just as her eye balls were threatened to bulge out of her sockets Julie came in and whispered from behind "Close your mouth dear or Tara might have to spend the night avoiding stepping on your tongue." She giggled lightly winking at Tara and giving her thumbs up, before sprinting up the stairs giggling to herself"
Tara blushed lightly and stood awkwardly before her ex-girlfriend not at all sure what she was supposed to say or do next. " Hi, sorry I made you wait..." (Goddess she looks beautiful)
Willow willed her mouth to move “That’s o.k, you’re not late I’m early, I guess I was in too much of a hurry to get here (God I sounded like an anxious spaz) not that you know…I was driving irresponsibly or anything, cause now I’m responsible gal, right down to my driving skills, you betcha by golly, plus you’re always worth the wait, you could go back up right now and make me wait some more of you wanted to, or give me a driving test…” (you betcha by golly???? Who the hell says that anymore? And driving test what am I saying?…warning-warning Spaz attack-beep-beep-beep-shutting up now)
Tara smiled, she couldn’t help finding Willow babble absolutely adorable (God I’ve missed that) “ No, no driving test I’d like to believe that you are a responsible driver and I’m ready so there’s no need for me to go back up stairs.”
Willow understood the double meaning of responsible driver and felt a pang of guilt, she wondered sometimes if that feeling would ever go away. She shook it off however, tonight was about reunion and hopefully the beginning of forgiveness and healing for her and Tara, if she dwelled only on guilt and the past they could never move on to the future. So she smiled and looked deeply into Tara’s soft blue eyes trying to convey everything that she was feeling hoping to get through to the woman she loved with something other than words.
“Good…though I want you to know I wouldn’t mind waiting for you…how ever long it took…oh…I almost forgot (turning towards the couch) these are for you”(handing her the sunflowers, thinking…I really hope you like them…they remind of you, I always keep a bouquet of them in the room.)
Another involuntary smile lit up Tara’s face, she brought them up to her nose and inhaled deeply, very pleased both with the aroma and the fact that Willow had remembered her favorite flowers. “ Thank you Willow they’re beautiful, I’ll go put them in water and then we can go.” ( She looks so cute when she’s nervous…God I probably just look like a big dork I hope I don’t spill anything at dinner)
Willow’s heart did a little happy dance with Tara’s smile and it filled with the hope that things could be made better. ( Well…smiles are good start…just focus on that Rosenberg, focus on making her smile for the rest of your life and everything else will just fall into place…I’m so nervous I hope I don’t end up barfing in her lap at dinner…these butterflies are making me very un-hungry and barfing is a definite romantic no-no)
Tara came back with her brown leather jacket in tow, forcing down the panic that was starting to weaken her knees she strode purposely through the living room and to the front door, pulling it open she took a breath “Shall we?” (o.k legs you made it this far now out the door on the count of three…)
Willow raises an eyebrow answering in a playful fashion “oh, we shall, surely shall we…”
The ride was mostly silent but comfortable, each girl thinking of the other and hoping that the night would bring them a real opportunity to start along that road that would lead them towards finding each other again.
Tara was silently hoping that they weren’t heading for Gino’s, that was their special place and it would seem too strange to be there together with their situation so unresolved.
There were too many good memories in that place, Tara bit her lower lip to keep a tear from escaping, she wondered if they could ever get everything that had been lost back, she was really afraid of being hurt by Willow. Sure she was doing better with the magic, but what if she relapsed? What if she chose magic over their relationship again? The joy of seeing Willow had over shadowed these thoughts back at the house, but now they had come back full force and she found herself wondering again if this date was really a good idea.
(Are we ready for this? Are you ready for this Willow? There are no third chances and my heart can’t stand to be broken again.)
Willow sneaked covert peeks at the blonde who seemed engrossed with the landscape outside her window. The red head could see the warring of conflicting emotions that crossed over Tara’s face, that saying…the eyes are the windows to the soul…Tara was living proof, her eyes were pure emotion and expression, she could say a million things without speaking a word all she had to do was look at you and everything was as clear as spring water. Willow could see the longing, the pain and the doubt…all of them emotions that she had put there, instead of love and trust. (God, I was so stupid and blind…I’m ready to love you for the rest of our lives if you let me Tara, I swear I’ll try to be the person who won’t ever let you down again.)
The red head gathered her courage and outstretched her hand, she took Tara’s in her own and gave it a reassuring squeeze, letting her know it was o.k to doubt, but to keep in mind that she was there and they were going to try to fix everything that had been broken.
Tara felt the warmth of the gesture and saw the love that was shining through Willow’s eyes, her mind still had questions, but her heart was getting all the answers, she took the hand resting on her own and she didn’t let go for the rest of the ride.
------------------
"Eat lot's of applesauce, preferably fed to you by attractive young lesbians." Amber Benson
by mollyig » Wed Jan 16, 2002 9:06 am
I really liked this line:
"focus on making her smile for the rest of your life and everything else will just fall into place"
Good advice to self, there Wills!
------------------
The new Indigo Girls album, "Become You," is in stores Feb. 26, 2002. For
more info, check out Indigo Girls web site at: http://www.indigogirls.com
by Fuzz » Thu Jan 17, 2002 9:00 am
I love Willow thoughts.Very funny ( yeah,sometime I wonder how much going on in there.) And I feel that there'll be lots of good things coming up,right? ( Please tell me I'm right. )
Looking forward to next update.
*Fuzz*
by xita » Thu Jan 17, 2002 11:49 pm
by Rane » Fri Jan 18, 2002 1:55 am
by nika » Mon Jan 21, 2002 10:56 pm
Mollygig thanks yes she has returned, but I fear she may leave soon, that harlot only comes to me for short affairs it seems.
Fuzz I'm honored to be resting within your books.
Xita linda it's always a thrill to get a comment from miss moderator fantastico herself.
Rane corazon gracias por decirme amor, espero que estes bien y que tu madre se recupere pronto.Lot's of love to you.
They arrived at Wong’s palace, Willow had thought it would be better if they didn’t go to Gino’s on this particular evening, it would take some time before they could go there again, the place was too special for both of them, it had seen some spectacular and important moments of their relationship, if things went well tonight and on other nights to hopefully come Gino’s would be the witness to the most important moment of them all.
(There you go getting ahead of yourself again Willow, that’s what got you in trouble in the first, place…this is just one dinner, take slow and easy or you’ll scare the girl…now go open the door for her dummy…you’re supposed to be all romanticky…)
With the remnants o those last thoughts still dancing through her head Willow stepped out of the car and practically raced to the other side to open the door for Tara.
Tara giggled at the unexpected gesture (She’s really trying hard to woo me, woo me? Who the heck says that anymore?) Tara composed herself to give the moment the seriousness it deserved and she allowed the red head to gallantly escort her out of the car.
Tara smiled from ear to ear and addressed Willow in a mock royal fashion almost curtsying “Why thank you dear lady”
Willow smiled back and bowed reverently “ Tis a pleasure to serve thee my ladyship”
Tara grinned at that, Willow was being just too cute “Wow I’m a lady and a ‘ship’ at that”
They headed arm in arm through the door which Willow held open for Tara of course.
Once inside Willow’s chilvarous streak did not subside, she held out the chair for Tara almost knocking over the waiter who was in her eyes trying to deprive her of the honor.
The first shocked an then amused waiter, only smiled and stepped aside waiting for both of the women to settle into their chairs.
“Good evening my name is Lee I’ll be your waiter this evening, here are your menus I’ll be back shortly to take your order.”
Willow lightly blushed, he was so nice she was truly sorry for having practically shoved him out the way when he was going for Tara’s chair and also for giving a dirty look for his troubles. The red head flashed him one of her friendlier smiles and hoped he would understand from her contrite look “Thank you Lee…”
Lee walked away thinking that the pair made quite a cute couple and that if he were the red head he’d probably push and shove anyone he had to for the attention of the beautiful blonde. “Damn all the good ones are taken” He muttered to himself before disappearing into the kitchen.
Tara bit the inside of her cheek trying not to laugh at the whole chair occurrence.
“ Well, that was interesting for a minute there I thought you were going to be starring in a kung-fu tiger kind of scene.”
Willow shrugged and pouted “Well how am I supposed to be all gallant and court you properly if someone else steps in to do all the gallanty type stuff? I’ll have you know that if he didn’t step down I was fully prepared to use these chop-sticks as deadly weapons ”
Tara looked at the girl across from her warmly “You are a nut…a very gallant nut”
Willow’s brain started racing along with her heart and her mouth seemed to conspire “Gallant nut? Which one would that be? The macademia…no that would be more of a dancing nut cause it sounds like Macarena…or the cashew…no that would be the nut for a cold cause of the atchoo…I’m babbling now aren’t I? (Smooth real smooth everything was cool until now, why am I such a dork?)
Tara laughed lightly and took one of Willow’s hands in her own “Don’t look so glum, I love Willow speak…(casting her eyes down shyly) I’ve missed it…Don’t tense up on me, you don’t have to try so hard Willow it’s just me.”
Willow places her finger tips softly under Tara’s chin making her look up and meet her gaze “That’s just it, it’s you and you’re the most important person in my life (or rather out of my life now) and this is my second chance to do things right and I want everything to be perfect…but I guess I’m not that great as Prince Valiant or James Bond or whatever, I get nervous around you and I trip all over myself and my babble fest begins and…”
Tara tightened her grip on the hand she was still holding while bringing up two fingers on her free hand to Willow’s lips to silence her gently “ And I love it all, and it is perfect because it’s all so you…don’t you get it even after all that’s happened? It’s you that I fell in love with, the smart girl with a head full of facts who got excited over term papers, the girl who babbles and talks in her sleep about chocolate covered frogs, the silly girl who likes to play dress up with miss kitty…you don’t have to be Prince Valiant or James Bond, you just have to be you. Besides Valiant and Bond aren’t really my type anyways.”
Willow smiled brightly her heart bursting at Tara’s words, but her mind still not grasping them for the full truths they were, somewhere in the back she still thought ( Yes you love all those things, but you also fell for the cool monster fighter and the powerful witch, that’s why you thought I was special) she took a moment before answering “ Well o.k no martini and tux guy…how about a Xena type then?”
Tara knew Willow was trying to lighten the mood but she still answered very seriously
“No, no Xena either just you Willow Rosenberg…although I wouldn’t object to you in leather sometime.” Tara slightly blushed at her own comment, she hadn’t really thought it out it sort of slipped from her mouth. Willow raised her eye brows and stored away the leather information for what could hopefully be future use.
Both girls laughed and really relaxed after having discarded some of what was weighing on their minds. There was a lot more to be said and discussed, but it could wait all would come out at it’s own pace in it’s own time. Right now it was time to enjoy the night in the company of a special friend.
Lee had approached the table and hi-tailed out at least three times now, he had been a waiter long enough to recognize when it wasn’t a good time to interrupt for the mere purpose of handing down a menu or a check. He felt relief after seeing the girls sharing a laugh, he thought (I’d better get in there quick or they’ll never order) as he rushed in to the table and after seeing their first exchanges decided to help them along by suggesting they order some sake. He walked away with a full smile on his lips (If that doesn’t help loosen them up nothing will…hee-hee Lee you’re just an old romantic softy at heart)
They were both a lot more at ease and were now taking in their surroundings
While enjoying their food, Willow’s appetite had returned with a vengeance after seeing Tara dipping her finger in the sweet and sour sauce and then delicately putting it in between her lips for a taste. “This place is nice I’m glad we came here, is it just me or is the best Chinese ever?”
Tara licked her lips and answered “I think it’s because it doesn’t come from a box, it really just dawned on me that I never had Chinese in an actual restaurant before”
Willow was still transfixed staring at the exact spot where Tara had licked an errant droplet of hot sauce, but somehow she managed to swallow and answer “Really, never?”
(Tara you’re killing me, is it hot in here or is it just this sauce? The sake maybe?)
Willow continued to stare intently at every move the blonde made with her full lips and delicate hands, every little thing that Tara did mesmerized The red head to the point of a semi-hypnotic state.
Tara seemed oblivious to the effect she was having on Willow by the mere act of eating and she continued “No, my town is pretty small only two restaurants and they’re more a meat and potatoes kind of place, then there was the diner on the highway they were really original they sold burned meat and greasy potatoes as opposed to the other variety.”
While speaking Tara was attempting yet again to master the chopsticks, not being very handy with them a piece of chicken slipped from her grasp and fell into the inside of her low cut shirt, the poultry landed nicely right in the middle of her ample cleavage. The blonde looked down and apologized in embarrassment while removing the offending piece with her fingers. “Sorry I can’t seem to get the hang of these things. Do you think anybody saw that?”
W: (Oh, my God, Lucky chicken…nope it’s not the sauce…it’s not the sake…it’s Tara, Tara is hot and is making me hot and horny not the demony kind of horn either…is someone speaking to me?)
T: “Ummm…Willow hello? (with an amused smirk on her face) Willow my eyes are up here in case you want to look at me when you finally answer.”
The red head blushes furiously after realizing that she’s been caught in a stare fest and desperately struggles to compose herself enough to at least answer. Finally she just says the first thing that pops into her mind “ Sorry you know I’m a breast gal, how could I resist breast on breast?”
Tara tries to remain serious but with one look at Willow she breaks down giggling and so does the red head. In the middle of their laughter Willow suddenly turns serious and hold Tara’s hands in own gazing intently into the pools of blue that held her heart a willing captive.
Tara is worried by the abrupt change and also stops laughing “What, w-what is it?”
Willow hesitates not at all sure it’s time for it but needing to know she continues “ I’ve missed this…I’ve missed us…I thought I knew how much, but I see I had no idea.
Just being with you here again, I’m hit with the full impact of what I’ve done, what I’ve lost. I had this plan in my head where we take it really slow and I romance the heck out of you, like I didn’t get to the first time cause I was so confused and then a) You just can’t resist and we make up living happily ever after b) I screw it up and you say oh, we’ll be friends and I think o.k I can live with that as long as you’re in my life or c) I really screw up and you walk away forever. I just realized I can’t do this if it’s( b )or( c) I can only do this if it’s( a ), you know? I can’t be just your friend, I love you and want you so much…it’s like a fever running inside my skin and through my veins. I know this is just supposed to be our first date and it’s to see where we can go from here and you don’t need the pressure but I need to know, do we have a chance to be together like we were before?
Tara was stunned to hear Willow ask her this question, it was too soon there were so many things that needed to be said and sorted out. Many emotions were battling for control inside the blonde Wiccan, love for the woman in front of her but also fear and anger, uncertainty,Lack of trust, that last issue was of great importance. Tara took a moment to gather her thoughts and organize her words, she needed to answer Willow. ( How do I answer this without breaking your heart?) She decided there was no soft easy way out of this so she stated simply and firmly “No”
[This message has been edited by nika (edited January 22, 2002).]
by mollyig » Tue Jan 22, 2002 3:06 am
I was all happy with the Willowbabble (which you write really well, btw), and then "No" ??
Oh yikes!
------------------
The new Indigo Girls album, "Become You," is in stores Feb. 26, 2002. For
more info, check out Indigo Girls web site at: http://www.indigogirls.com
by katydid » Tue Jan 22, 2002 4:05 pm
I hope you explain this in the next part...and quickly. You can't let that last line stand alone for too long. You will have some unhappy kitties after you. hee hee
I really like this fic...keep it up.
------------------
"She practically has 'genuine molded plastic' stamped on her ass.
by aladdin » Tue Jan 22, 2002 4:13 pm
by Kilopto » Tue Jan 22, 2002 5:07 pm
And the way you write Willowbabble is adorable! I love it!!!
[This message has been edited by Kilopto (edited January 22, 2002).]
by willow's girl » Tue Jan 22, 2002 6:35 pm
[This message has been edited by willow's girl (edited January 22, 2002).]
by Fuzz » Tue Jan 22, 2002 10:38 pm
quote:
Originally posted by nika:
Tara you’re killing me, is it hot in here or is it just this sauce? The sake maybe?
Oh! adorable Willow!
Um,excuse me " NO " ? ( turn myself into Lee and drop a few dishes on the floor - Sneaky Lee anyway. )
LOVE ALL THIS! GIVE ME MORE !
*Fuzz*
quote:by Rane » Tue Jan 22, 2002 10:51 pm
by nika » Fri Jan 25, 2002 12:40 pm
Rane, Rane, Rane…cariño you know me so well…was it that obvious? I guess I’m not as great as you are with the cliffhangers, you’ll have to teach me sometime.
I need advice from the readers: I think I could leave it here or have just 1 or 2 more parts to wrap it up a little light lovin maybe? I don’t know…what do you think?
As soon as the flow of words left Willow’s mouth, she wished she hadn’t spoken them it was like a ‘this is not the time for this’ demon had taken over her speech patterns, this was one date their first real date in months she was supposed to be going slow, what had possessed her to say these things? The red head was so engrossed in kicking herself she almost didn’t hear Tara answering her, but that word was echoing through her head “No” Tara was saying “No”
Willow couldn’t believe she was hearing this, how could one word and such a tiny word at that destroy her whole spirit in one second? the red head looked like she was on the verge of tears as she asked shakily just to be sure she was hearing correctly “N-no?”
Tara wasn’t any better off, she was on the verge of tears herself and was finding it difficult to speak, she said a silent prayer to the Goddess to give he strength and to help her find the right words. To know your heart was one thing, to explain it with words was another.
The blonde took a deep breath and a sip of water in an attempt to calm down before continuing “ We can’t go back to the way we were before…”
Willow felt like there was no air left to breathe, she swallowed her tears and interrupted what Tara was saying, she didn’t need to hear anymore, she had gotten what she asked for an honest answer ( It serves me right, well better to know now I suppose…) “It’s o.k…you don’t have to say anymore, I-I understand….I caused this, how could I expect you to forgive me and go on if I don’t know how to do that myself? You don’t have to bother with the we’ll always be friends speech either cause…”
Now it was Tara’s turn to interrupt, she took her hand and placed gently over Willow’s mouth for the second time that night, sometimes it was the only effective way to shut the girl up.
“Willow…let me finish please…(the girl nods a bit surprised by Taras actions) or begin for that matter…what I mean is we can’t go back to how it was, ever again because we’ve changed, I’ve changed and I don’t want a relationship like we had, well some parts I’d like to remain the same…but not the things that were happening for the last few months…
What I mean is that no we can’t go back to how it was but we can try to start again.
I’m a stronger person than I thought, leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way…what I learned from it is that I can live without you Willow, I can stand alone and it feels good to know that (Willow looks like she’s going to interrupt, Tara raises her hand in a motion to let her know not to) Wait I’m not finished and it’s better if I get it all out, you asked for it ( Willow nods yes again)
I’m not saying that I’m happier without you, never that, but I can survive…I guess that part of what I’m really trying to say is that I what I want for us is an equal partnership, the last few months you not only took on the role of Scooby boss, it’s like you took upon yourself to command our relationship as well and that won’t do anymore, do you understand?
Willow remains silent for a few seconds trying to process everything that Tara has told her
“I do, I really do…I know I was wrong to think I could control everything…(in a smaller voice, hanging her head in shame) Including you…everything became about power…I’m so sorry…how can I make you see just how sorry I am?”
Tara sighs lightly and shakes her head
“It’s not just about being sorry…that’s a beginning because at least you recognize that you have a problem and want to make things right, but it is just a start…you’re not big with patience Willow, you showed me that tonight and that scares me. Your healing and mine will take time, I can’t give you a definite answer tonight, can you live with that?
I mean how can you expect us to just pick it up where we left off after all that’s happened?”
Willow squares her shoulder in a defensive stance
“That’s not what I expect Tara…God I’m such a dummy, I knew the moment the question left my lips that I had made a mistake…I know it’s too soon, I mean my mind knows that totally, but being this near you caused me a sort of temporary insanity, my head was going one way and my body and heart decided to go another and I guess my mouth agreed with them, I was so nervous about meeting you and I had so many questions running around that…that I don’t know…I just…I understand…everything…you’re right…I’ve done terrible things you have every right not to trust me, I should feel blessed that you’re even speaking to me…could we just forget that I asked?
Tara looks somewhat upset
“Forget everything just like that?”
Willow looks on the verge of a breakdown taking her head into her hands
“Oh God, that didn’t sound so bad in my head, I just can’t seem to say anything right to you tonight…I’m batting a thousand aren’t I ?
Tara takes pity on Willow after seeing her mortified expression and lightens her tone
“More like a million…o.k I’ll take your plea of temporary insanity under consideration, if you promise me that from now on we’ll really take it slow and you won’t ask me any more heavy questions until we’re both really ready…how’s that sound to you?”
Willow looks out from under her hands
“If it means that you’re willing to try going forward and forgive my foot in the mouth and rushing in when I shouldn’t syndrome…then that sounds like angels singing in my ears”
Tara smiles sweetly and shakes head this time in wonder ( You have no idea how much I’m willing to forgive and forget for you Willow)
“Now that was one thing you’ve said just right…now how about we have some dessert?”
Willow smiles upon seeing Tara smile and relaxes sensing that’s she has been given another chance to make the evening a special one ( O.k Rosenberg, keep it in check an on track no more messing up, that’s one special girl-check that- “woman” you’ve got there, no letting her go and no sending her running for the hills)
“That sounds great…how about some more sake?”
“I don’t know Will, it’s kind of strong…I’ve already got a small fire burning in my belly”
The red head just replies flippantly “You could always give yourself a tummy rub…come on live a little”
“Rosenberg are you trying to get me drunk, take unfair advantage perhaps?”
Willow looks alarmed thinking that Tara is serious she blushes and replies quickly
“Oh Goddess Tara no, I wouldn’t do that…really…well o.k maybe I would, but not tonight, cause you know slow and easy I got it, really I did. I just liked the taste and no more slipping up tonight…no pushing…no pressure and no sake if you don’t want it.”
Tara looks at Willow taking in her nervous outburst with a mixture of amusement and love for the blushing babbling girl (That’s it that’s the girl I fell in love with, welcome back I’ve missed you)
“Willow…please I was just kidding…take it easy and order more sake if you want but if I get a tummy ache you’ll have to be the one to rub the pain away”
The red head lit up and almost instantly frowned at herself in her head because for a few seconds she found herself wishing that her girl would get a huge stomach ache that only she could soothe away.
The rest of the evening was much more relaxed affair no more tricky subjects were touched, they both knew not all had been said but for the night it had been enough.
They both had things to think about, the most important being how to make things as right as possible for the rest of their lives.
The ride home was uneventful they weren’t silent like before, they chatted about silly things and sang along with the radio old 80’s classics.
They were still laughing when they reached Tara’s front door, they both stood face to face suddenly not knowing what else to say the butterflies had returned to both their bellies with a vengeance and speech had become a difficult thing for them both. So they didn’t speak, not with traditional words anyhow, they spoke the ancient language of soul mates and lovers all around the world. Their eyes and their hands, their very body heat said it all.
Willow’s eyes pleaded for a connection, a bonding that had been denied for far too long,
She prayed permission for it with her body and soul. Tara responded with understanding and an equal need to feel completed even if it was for only a few seconds of precious existence, her eyes fluttered softly and granted her other half’s request and they joined together in a kiss that held unbound love and an unspoken sacred promise.
by Fuzz » Fri Jan 25, 2002 11:37 pm
It's a great update.Again,I love Willow's babbling.
edited to add : Awww,the kiss.The unexplainable feeling.I love it.
[This message has been edited by Fuzz (edited January 26, 2002).]
by xita » Sat Jan 26, 2002 1:15 pm
by willow's girl » Sun Jan 27, 2002 3:56 am
by nika » Thu Jan 31, 2002 1:40 am
Two months had passed since the night of their make up kiss and Willow was beside herself with excitement, many more dates and kisses had come after that night, both girls were enjoying the reconnecting and re-exploring the possibilities that their relationship held.
They had kept busy erasing past pains with the making of new happy memories, not everything had been easy, serious issues had been addressed over the course of these two months. Willow had finally voiced her worst fear to Tara only a week before over a cup of coffee at the Expresso Pump, she had poured her heart out, releasing at last that bit of doubt, that question that always tugged at back of her mind, could Tara- did Tara really love her without the magic? Tara took her time explaining to Willow in full detail how and why the true magic of their love had little or nothing to do with spell casting.
She had admitted that yes that was big part of why they had initially connected, but that after a very-very short while a matter of hours really, it had gone beyond that. The spells had just been an excuse to spend time together, how it was ironic that other spells would later make them spend time apart. Tara had explained why the memory erasing had hurt her so much, it wasn’t only what Glory had done it was what had been done to her by her own family, they had played with her mind for years and after finally knowing the truth she had sworn that she would never let anyone make her doubt what she believed to be right in her heart. She never would have thought that she would have to uphold that promise to herself because of Willow.
But that was the past, in the present after much thought and many lengthy talks, they understood each other better, they never would have thought that was even possible. Before the breakup they had thought they knew each other completely, but with this new time they had discovered a lot of hidden truths, some good, some bad, in the end what really mattered is that they were now as close as two people could get and the trust that had been broken was built again over stronger foundations that would not be easily shaken ever again.
When they talked about all those demons that they carried inside and the betrayal that had torn them apart Willow had wept Tara had wept too, they hurt and had shed those tears not for themselves but for the others pain.
It had been a long and far from smooth road, Willow had even had a small relapse during a cemetery showdown, but this time Tara had been there to help her through it and everyone could see the big difference the blonde made just by standing by her girls side
The Scoobies were more than happy to see their Willow return little by little everyday. She had gone back to her self proclaimed “geek infested roots” resuming her role as top research and hacker gal within the group, while Tara was appointed the official magical consultant. Xander even made her a little plaque with sparkles that read “Top Witch”
Tara had also grown immensely with this experience, she was much more self confident, a lot of questions that had sometimes fueled silent insecurities had been answered. She had always wondered if for some reason or another she and Willow separated, would the Scoobies still consider her a friend? Would they still be her surrogate family? That had been fully settled, she wasn’t only Willow’s girlfriend, she was Anya’s confidant, Dawn’s honorary sister, Buffy’s friend and even a cool monster fighter in her own right.
It was good to know that there was a place where she belonged, a place she could call home. Now it was even better because there was also a person that she could call home too, Willow, her Willow. She really had fought and won one of the hardest battles of her life and Tara was proud, slaying vampires was easy compared to facing all your own fears and that part inside each one of us that can drive us to self destruction.
Both girls had basically found each other again and had again fallen completely in love with one another, with the added strength in the conviction that no matter what they were truly meant to be.
Now if they could only get up the nerve to take that next step again everything would really be perfect. After Willow had almost mucked things up by rushing in head first on their first date, she had shown unprecedented patience and self control around the blonde wiccan.
Everything after that night had gone turtle pace slow, Willow had wined, dined, flowered and fine chocolated Tara for two months without so much as making an indecent proposal.
They shared some heated kisses and at times some light hand play had been involved inside the car or on the couch, but nothing too intimate had happened and both girls were really reaching a point of critical mass. Which brings us to...
Halloween night
Inside the Summers home a red head paced up and down the carpet for the millionth time that night.
Nervously fidgeting with the hem of her skirt “Buffy are you sure…”
Rolling of the eyes “Will for the six thousand and fifty fourth time…you look great…I mean hubba-bubba great…you’re gonna force me to say it…you look so good I don’t think I’ll have to wait up for you tonight…”
Willow smiles hopefully “Really?”
Buffy smiles “Yes really…gosh I still can’t believe after two months you guys haven’t…I mean wow…That Tara sure knows how to hold out. (Mhhm…maybe I should ask her for some advice.)
Willow reddens a little behind the ears “Buffy! Uuummm It’s not really fair to blame her, it’s just that we agreed on taking it slow and after I nearly screwed it up on the first night…well let’s say I’ve been the one to exercise most caution…I just don’t want to scare her off, I’d wait for her my whole life if I had to, I just hope it doesn’t come that…(blushing some) Cause to be perfectly honest I’m about ready to burst.”
Buffy smiles wickedly “Well girlfriend if Tara has one warm blood cell in her body I can assure you that after taking one look at you in that outfit…well let’s just say you’ll probably be doin’ a whole different kind of bursting”
Willow sends a silent prayer to the Goddess so that Buffys words prove to be prophetic “Oh, Tara has plenty of warmth in her body, that’s not the problem…it’s these damn bats that won’t leave my stomach…and by the way this outfit is not a ploy to seduce her, this outfit was your idea remember?
Buffy checks herself out in the mirror “Yes and you can and will thank me later…plus it’s a great idea on many levels, just imagine if we get stuck in our costumes we could wipe out Sunnydale’s nest of evil in one night…I’m being a practical slayer”
Willow gives her friend a more than skeptical look “Uh-huh…and it has nothing to do with
the fact that that ‘Storm’ get-up is a pretty cool costume and you look really hot in it?” (Probably to tease Spike into a second death, but can't I say that cause I'm not supposed to know...like it isn't obvious)
Buffy pouts “What are you complaining about? You got the best of the super heroes costumes, think of it ‘super girl’ is the ultimate in powers”
Willow looks out the window expectantly “ Like we’re ever lucky enough to encounter the same kind of evil that we know exactly how to fight twice…besides the only power I’d like to have now is the power to bend over without exposing my self to all of the campus partygoers”
Buffy answers with a mock tone “Picking up our previous subject…you could work that to your advantage…if I were you I’d bend over repeatedly tonight in the near vicinity of Tara…” (wagging her eyebrows)
Willow nearly groans her answer “Buffy pleeease don’t get my mind started cause my body will want to catch up and this taking it slow is killing me… (Buffy laughs highly amused)
Sure chuckle it up, now that I can’t use my powers to turn you into a frog or better yet a bunny, that would creep out Anya and I’d get two for the price of one (Buffy stops laughing and actually looks worried)…(Willow smiles) Geez I’m kidding…change of subject what are Xander and Anya wearing?”
Buffy looks pensive for a second “I don’t know, I spoke to him yesterday and he told me he was still looking for something that didn’t involve getting his manly parts in tights and who knows what Anya will show up in, her idea of a super hero might be different from ours…what about Tara?”
Willow turns to Buffy while walking to the window again “I don’t know…she was going to the shop yesterday and she had a real busy schedule today so we haven’t spoken sin…(willow goes silent after looking through the window, her mouth hanging slightly open at the vision walking towards the house)
Buffy notices the change and worries “Will what’s wrong, who or what is out there?”
Willow turns with a huge grin spread across her face “It’s Bat girl”
TBC
[This message has been edited by nika (edited January 31, 2002).]
[This message has been edited by nika (edited January 31, 2002).]
by willow's girl » Thu Jan 31, 2002 2:25 am
by mollyig » Thu Jan 31, 2002 2:46 am
------------------
Now that I know there's something to know, I can't *not* know, just because I'm afraid
somebody'll know I know, you know?
by Pixie » Thu Jan 31, 2002 8:56 am
A small comment on punctuation: Many of your sentences have lots of phrases separated by commas. It seemed a little rushed to me. (Although in the case of any Willowbabble that's probably the feeling you're going for.) The thoughts expressed may have more impact if they were separated into sentences.
I'm very much enjoying this story and waiting impatiently for the next chapter! (I haven't grown as much as Willow!)
by Kirk B » Thu Jan 31, 2002 9:35 am
I too have little patience, but for reading like this I am willing to learn.
In fact, it is because of this story that I have changed my mind about the one I've been trying to write the last couple of days. I'm not going to do it now.
Don't take this the wrong way. That's a good thing. The story I was going to write wasn't just angsty, I was starting to think it might lead Willow down a path she and the Scoobies would never be able to forgive her for. And that's not what I had in mind. But after reading your story I realized what I'd been planning to do would actually make things between Willow and Tara even worse than they are now.
So, I'm going to find something else. A more happy story, with a hopefully smoochie-filled ending.
------------------
Kirk B
"A Willow is a tree that weeps, but Tara is firmer and will hold.”
Hear that baby? You're my always.
I got so lost.
I found you. I will always find you.
by Fuzz » Thu Jan 31, 2002 11:38 am
Funny thing is when I was reading the part that Willow saw Tara and went all jaw dropped,my CD changed to " I see you baby shakin' your ass " track and ooooh...it's just in time.So I actually did a little dance to that .
I love this part,I love that Willow got so exciting about Tara.And I love her talk with Buffy and the " bursting " talk
May I add that not just Willow,I did pretty much jaw dropped when I know Tara's Bat girl.
This is getting more and more fun at every update.
*Fuzz*
by katydid » Thu Jan 31, 2002 12:15 pm
------------------
"She practically has 'genuine molded plastic' stamped on her ass.
Return to Novogate Backup Pens
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest