It's not that sad! I've been asked a few times where its from so you've helped me in pointing it out
Anyway, there are about 3 reasons for the name. Little Women was one of the first books I read through by myself when I was about 6 or 7 and my middle name is Joanne (thanks to my sister) and I was born in March.
So then it just seemed to fit when I had to pick a nick.
Ok, Owl was nice enough to finish beta'ing this tonight so here's Ch 6b
Spoiler Warning - It has some spoilers up to Normal Again and you may want to read my previous story as it is set in the same universe. If you don't want to, it's ok too. Just realize that Willow is in a wheelchair and this would be set around two and a half years from start of current US season.
Feedback - Good God! Yes, please.
Disclaimer - All characters, names etc belong to ME. I am just borrowing them for this short while in order to make them do what I want for a change instead of waiting to see what happens every Tuesday.
Rating - PG
Title : Left Of Center
Chapter 6b
Xander had been promoted at work again and was now site supervisor.
When he had gotten the news, his immediate thought was to call Anya and
tell her. That was before their planned wedding and he had wanted to tell
Anya that with his new raise, they could really have a much bigger
affair than the one she had planned. However, Anya had refused to spend
any more of his money, and in the end, they had gotten married in the middle
of the night at the minister's house. It was the most romantic night of
his life, and Anya had never looked more beautiful. He could think about
her forever. He often did, and that led to a lot of ribbing from his
co-workers about his total adoration of his wife. But they could also
see her beauty, and often gave her appreciative wolf-whistles each time
she visited him on site, like they were doing now. Xander
stepped out of his trailer and walked swiftly to where Anya was being
surrounded by most of the burly construction workers.
"Honey, what's wrong? It's too late for lunch... Did something happen?
Is it Dawn?" he babbled while trying to steer her away from Tito's
roving eyes.
Anya was well aware that Xander's co-workers were just teasing, but she
loved the fact that Xander was looking out for her and that he was most
definitely jealous. He would positively jump out of his trailer
everytime he heard any whistles on the site. Tito had told her once
that the guys use to do it just for fun even when she wasn't there, just
to see how fast he was. They had only stopped when Anya had extracted a
promise from them, and that was also only after she had told them about
her vengeance demon days and what she could do to bad men.
She wished that she could summon that courage again.
She wanted to tell Xander about the baby, but she was still afraid. She was positive that he loved her
and that he would always be there for her. However, his fears about
turning out like his parents had never really gone away. She knew that
he still had nightmares sometimes about the visions that he was shown at
their aborted wedding. They were different from the other nightmares he
had - those of seeing Willow shot or Buffy dead. She would hold him and
talk to him until he fell asleep or until it was morning. Perhaps it
wasn't the right time to tell him about the baby. Perhaps she should wait,
or carry out her plan alone.
"Oh no, it's nothing like that. Everyone is fine. Well, Dawn isn't really fine as she's
in the hospital and all. "So I thought we could visit Dawn together and
maybe bring her a present?" Anya replied with false cheeriness.
Xander knew that something was up. Anya was fidgeting too much, and she
was obviously nervous. So he slowly led her into his trailer and sat her down.
He brought her a glass of water and then sat in front of her and waited.
He was a patient man, and due to that, he had gotten the woman he loved back.
He wasn't going to pressure her into revealing anything. He could
wait. So he began to tell her about his day - about the cement delivery
that got inflated from 14 bags to 40. And he listened as she told him how
to make a profit by selling the bags to the other nearby construction
site. He also told her about how he spotted a design flaw in the plans
that the architects had given him. He could see that Anya was beginning
to relax, and that she was interested in his day, so he continued his
story about how he came up with a new design for the archway of the
building.
Anya was glad that Xander didn't push her into telling him the real
reason for her visit. She loved the way his voice soothed her, and she
felt better. Much more calm, and less fidgety. Perhaps Tara and Willow
were right. This was good news and Xander had a right to know. She
trusted Willow, and especially Tara. This would not end badly.
"So, Richard was saying that maybe I should take a couple of Design Cour...."
"I'm pregnant," she said, looking directly at him, andsaw
his surprise. She also noted his silence. She felt her heart clench, and
she looked away.
Xander hoped that he had heard right. He saw Anya turn away and immediately
knew he should have said something but this was such a surprise for him. Such a great surprise. Anya was pregnant, and he was going to be a
father. He lunged forward, lifted her up, and twirled her around his
small office.
Her eyes were closed, and when he grabbed her, all she could hear was his
laughter, rich and happy. He wasn't angry or shocked. He was happy, but
the twirling was making her feel like throwing up.
"Xander? I'm feeling sick could you put me down?" He slowly lowered her
to the ground.
"Wow! Great googly God! I'm gonna be a daddy?" he was holding her
shoulders, and smiled when he saw her nod. Only then he realized that
she was looking kinda green, and he immediately sat her back down and
gave her the glass of water again. He felt like shouting at the top of
his lungs, and he knew that he was smiling like an idiot, but he didn't
care. Anya was pregnant, and they were going to have a baby. But in the
back of his mind, he could feel his unease. Not because of the baby, but
due to their current predicament. They were still living on the
Hellmouth, and Donny and Rack were out there. His smile didn't waver,
but Anya could see that his mind was preoccupied and she could guess his
thoughts. She was thinking the same thing.
"Xander, I'm scared. Not about the pregnancy, but about Rack and Donny."
Anya saw that Xander's face darkened as soon as she mentioned
those names.
"I know, baby. But I won't let them hurt you." He placed his hand on her
tummy. "Either of you. I'll always be there. They won't have a chance to
come near you."
"I know you will, and I love you for it. But I think we need more. I have
a plan, but I need your help." She hoped he would not ask too many
questions, and when she told him what she wanted, she could see his
demeanor change. He didn't like what she was saying, but he trusted her,
so he held his tongue. It was only when she'd finished that he finally said
something.
"We should visit Dawn and then we can. Anya, I trust you and I
hope you're right. We'll be taking a big chance, but we're all family, and
that should count for something. So, okay. We'll do it."
She didn't know that she was holding her breath until he took her arm to help
her out. Maybe things were going to change. Maybe it was time for them
to catch a break. Anya hoped so. She needed all of them there when this
baby was born. Xander would protect her. Willow and Tara would
teach her love, Buffy would teach her to protect herself, Dawn would be like
her big sister, and Giles could leave her the Magic Box. They were all
so essential.
The day passed rather quickly for the two researching witches. Giles
had called in the afternoon with good news. Due to what Willow had
said - the information she'd provided, Dawn was getting better. Her
new treatment had resulted in an upturn in her condition, and she was awake. She had managed to convince Buffy to go home and shower and change and come back to relieve Giles so that he too could do the same.
The research front didn't yield much information, but that didn't stop
Willow from continuing to copy relevant passages onto a chart she had
tacked up on the wall and highlighting them with different colors.
From what she could decipher, Rack was similar to a parasite. He would
suck out the magic force from individuals, while at the same time
replacing it with his own magic high. But his magic was dark and foul
and would eventually be rejected by the user. The interesting part was
that he was an addict of sorts as well, as he would derive the same high
from the magic he took. That was how he survived. That was why he
survived. He would use people up, take their magic powers, and move on.
Willow shuddered at the thought that it could have happened to her. He
could have used her up.
*No it wouldn't have, honey. You were always stronger than that, and I
wouldn't have allowed him to take you.* * I know, and I would never go back now. I have you. You're all I need. I
would never go back there,* Willow sent back with a smile.
Despite Tara's assertion, Willow always wondered if she would have been
strong enough to stay away without Tara by her side. Suddenly, another
chilling thought struck her as she realized that despite not being the
key anymore, Dawn was still powerful in her own way. Both she and Tara
had thought her how to focus and harness some of her power. Power that
Rack now had. It wasn't enough to open the hellmouth. Not yet. But it
could be used to hurt them.
Willow looked over at Tara as she pored
over yet another ancient text. She could feel the love but there was also
fear in her heart. Fear that she couldn't protect Tara. That her love
and strength was not going to be enough to fight both Rack and Donny.
She had to think of something. She would do anything to ensure her
lover's safety.
Tara had spent most of the day listing all the spells that she
remembered her mother teaching them. She was still surprised that Donny
would use magic. He had always said it was the devil's tool, ever since
he realized that Tara was better at it. But she did remember him
always hanging about when her mother was going over some of the more
powerful spells. Perhaps he had been paying attention. The thought
frightened her. She knew Donny was never that powerful because he didn't have the patience and the emotion to center himself. But what if he
did now? What if hate was enough to fuel his magic? Hate for her... Hate
for Willow...
Willow, sensing Tara's uneasiness again, decided to call it a day. "Baby,
I'm kinda beat. Perhaps we could stop and drop by the hospital?"
Tara nodded. She knew that Willow had felt her uneasiness and was
trying to help, but she wanted to continue with the research. She needed
to find Donny's weakness. She didn't want to imagine what would happen
if Donny or Rack attacked again. She needed to be more prepared, but
Willow looked tired, and she wanted to check up on Dawn again. She'd
felt so guilty when the teenager's voice came on the phone. She had
still sounded so frail. It hurt her heart to think that due to her
carelessness, Dawn had nearly been killed.
As it was nearly dusk, Willow had called for a cab to take them to the
hospital. They would go there and visit Dawn and then make their way home
with Buffy. There was nothing else they could do. So she collected
their coats from the counter while Tara switched off all the lights and
activated Anya's state of the art alarm system.
Xander and Anya still hadn't returned, but Anya had called saying that
they would be back that night. Willow hoped that Anya had managed
to sort out her feelings about the baby and that Xander wouldn't freak
out. He was so grown up now and she had faith in him. She just hoped
he had faith in himself.
To the relief of both witches, Dawn was indeed doing better. The young
woman was propped up in bed, and immediately demanded hugs from them. She told them that Anya and Xander had stopped by earlier and
had brought her donuts and a jigsaw puzzle, and then left again. The
best news was that the doctors had told Giles and Buffy that she could
go home soon. Tomorrow, even. They just wanted to monitor her heart to
make sure it didn't slow down any more. It was good news indeed.
Giles and Buffy had come back a few minutes later, and it was agreed that
Giles would stay at the hospital, and Buffy would accompany Tara and
Willow home. She could then do a quick patrol before relieving Giles.
Tara looked at them. They were all coping, but the situation had taken it's toll.
Giles's suit was crumpled, and Buffy had bags under her eyes. She walked over
to hug the Slayer, to try and convey her love and strength to her. Tara
knew that she and Willow didn't look too good either. They all
needed to rest. She hoped that they would get some sleep tonight. It had
been a long two days.
Getting ready for bed that night, Tara fingered her pendant. 'Mom,' she
thought, 'if you can hear me, please keep us safe. Keep Willow safe...
Away from Donny. Away from Rack.'
She sent up that prayer, hoping that it
would be answered. Both of them were exhausted, and drifted off to
sleep almost immediately, with their hands intertwined.
Something startled Tara - her eyes flew open only to be greeted by
darkness and no Willow. She sat up and looked around. Willow wasn't in
bed with her, but her chair was still in the corner. How? Why? She
needed answers. She didn't want to panic, but Willow was
gone. She quickly got out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans. A
mantra ran through her head. 'she's alright, she's fine, I'll find
her. She's alright, she's fine, I'll find her, I'll always find her...'
She reached for one of the stakes on the dresser next to the window, only
to be surprised at the sight of Willow. She was standing across the
street, talking to someone. Relief flooded Tara's already
tired body. She let out the breath that she was holding. Willow was
whole, Willow was alright. Willow was... standing?
Tara strained to see - maybe it was Buffy. Willow must be talking to
Buffy. Buffy was the one that had carried Willow outside and was
supporting her. That had to be the case. Maybe they had
wanted to discuss some important matters. 'It has to be Buffy, it just
has to,' Tara repeated to herself, only to have her hopes dashed as Rack
stepped out of the shadows.
She watched in morbid fascination as Rack stepped closer to Willow. She
expected Willow to lash out - to turn and run, but the redhead stood her
ground. Instead of turning away, she leaned into his extended palm.
Tara watched as energy crackled around the pair. She watched as Willow
threw her head back. She couldn't see from her position, but she knew that
Willow's pupils had turned black. She turned away from the window.
Her stomach revolted against the sight. Bile rose in her throat, and when
she could no longer hold the bitterness in, she rushed to the bathroom,
barely making it in time. She fell to her knees and retched until her
stomach was empty. Her eyes were still closed. She didn't want to remember
the sight - the vision of Rack and Willow. Why? Why had Willow done
that? She would never give in. She'd never go back to Rack - Willow had promised her. It was an
impossibility, she told herself. Willow had said that she wouldn't go
back of her own free will. She could feel the rolling in the pit of her
stomach and gagged once again, but there was nothing left in her stomach. There was nothing left inside of her.
'Willow wouldn't have gone back to Rack on her own accord, but...could
she have?' Tara thought to herself, leaning her head against the cool
porcelain bowl. Would Willow have actually made a deal with Rack? Would
Willow have done that to protect them? To protect herself? When Glory had
taken her mind, Willow had gone after her. She had faced a God for
Tara, would she now face Rack as well? All these thoughts and
nightmares fought for a place in Tara's overworked mind. But the
foremost was the fact that Willow had gone back to Rack. She had chosen
the magic option without a moment's thought for Tara.
Tara slowly rose to her feet. She felt unsteady, unsure. She felt
alone. She hadn't felt alone in such a long time. She remembered the
feeling, when her mother had died. The feeling of abandonment and
isolation. She wrapped her hands around her middle and slowly made her
way to the bedroom. She didn't even notice the fact that she was
losing consciousness until her head hit the carpet. She welcomed the
darkness. Her last thought was of pain and betrayal and Willow. It was always
Willow.
*Tara! Tara, baby, can you hear me? Please baby, wake up! I need you
to wake up! Please! * Tara could hear Willow's anxious voice. She struggled to open her eyes. She had to stop herself from answering Willow. She had to protect
herself. She blinked slowly, and Willow and Buffy's faces came into
focus. Willow looked relieved. She was on the carpet next to Tara and
held the witch's hand in her own. Her fingers were slowly tracing
Tara's palm.
Willow immediately knew something was wrong as soon as Tara regained
conciousness. There was no light in Tara'a eyes, just anguish and hurt.
It hit Willow physically. She had to grab for Buffy to steady herself.
Buffy was also feeling unsettled. She had panicked when she heard Willow
anxiously calling out to Tara. She had come up from the living room to
find Tara sprawled on the floor and Willow next to the pale blonde. She
wasn't sure what had happened, but she'd bet it wasn't good news.
"Here..." She gently pushed Willow to one side, and carried Tara back to the
bedroom. After placing her in bed, she rushed back out and carried
Willow in as well.
"Someone want to tell me what's going on?" she asked pointedly. "Did I
miss the memo on the camping out in the hallway?"
"I-I-I think I just fainted" Tara answered weakly. She wanted to look at
Willow to ask her to explain, but she couldn't. She couldn't stand to hear the
excuses again... The false promises... The declarations of love... The
feeling of being adrift and alone was beginning to overwhelm her.
"Tara, what's wrong?" Willow was beginning to get really worried. She had
awakened to the sound of Tara retching in the bathroom. She had hoped
that the blonde wasn't coming down with something, and was determined to
treat her with tender loving care. She decided she would remain awake
until Tara returned and wrap her arms around her until they fell asleep
again, keeping her safe and loved. She had waited for half an hour and then
began to get frantic. In the end, she tumbled out of bed and pulled
herself into the hallway, forgoing her chair. She just wanted to see
Tara. But seeing her love sprawled on the floor was a vision she
would have rather done without. The fact that she wouldn't wake up
caused Willow great distress. She pulled herself to the blonde and began
calling out her name, all the while sending prayers up to the goddess
for Tara's well-being.
"What happened?" she pressed.
"I saw you," Tara replied. "I saw you with him, outside... I know." She had
said those last words with a voice of such profound hurt that Willow was
speechless.
It was Buffy who answered. "Saw who, Tara? Did you see Willow with someone?"
Tara could only nod. Her head ached, and her heart ached. She wanted to
curl up in Willow's arms, but knew that that couldn't happen.
"But... but... when? Who?" Willow sputtered. "I haven't been outside,
who did you see me with?"
"Rack," Tara whispered, not wanting to give voice to that name, but
needing to confront Willow, needing to do this now. She did not want to
keep it in anymore. It hurt so much ? She felt as if her heart was in a
vise.
"But, how? I was in bed with you the whole night... " Willow answered back,
her face a sea of confusion. She could feel Tara in pain, and she had
tried to hug her only to have Tara shy away. She needed answers.
Something or someone had hurt her girl, and that was simply unacceptable.
But Tara wasn't looking at her. Buffy noticed that, too.
"Yeah, Tara... I would have heard if Willow went out. I was crashing on
the couch tonight. No one went out. Least of all Willow. I mean, she
still can't walk," Buffy stated, still unsure of the situation, but
beginning to sense something... Something malevolent.
"But, I-I..." Tara couldn't continue. Her head was pounding. She felt
nausea take over once again, but there was nothing left to throw up.
"What's happening to me? Am I seeing things? Why am I seeing these
nightmares?" she asked plaintively. Instinctively, she reached out and
Willow was there to enfold her in her arms.
But Willow was still at a loss. Clearly, Tara had truly believed that
she had seen Willow with Rack. It had shaken her lover to the core.
Someone had made the blonde relive one of her nightmares. She guessed it
must be Donny, but how? They were going to figure this out. They had to, but
first they needed some sleep.
"Buffy, I think Tara needs to rest now"
"Yes, of course. I'll be downstairs if you need me." With that, the
Slayer turned and left. She hoped that Willow knew what was going on because
she sure didn't. But Willow had that look on her face. The one that
said an idea was forming. She trusted it as much as her Slayer
instincts, so she left her two friends to resume her vigil downstairs.
Once Buffy left, Willow started to arrange the pillows under Tara's
head. She looked so pale, and Willow could still sense pain emanating
from her. So, she kissed her cheek and whispered comfort words - 'love
you... protect you... safe here... always... Each utterance was preceded by a kiss or
a touch. She knew that somehow, Donny had gotten to Tara. Looking over at her
love, she noticed that Tara had one hand clutching her mother's necklace
and the other curled around Willow's arm. Willow guessed that Donny may
have somehow used the talisman to send those nightmare visions to Tara.
Willow knew how much the talisman meant to Tara and couldn't bring
herself to take it away from her. She just needed to think, to come up
with a way to stop Donny from sending the visions again. Maybe they
could do a spell. She needed Anya's help, and wanted to call her right
away but Tara's arm tightened around Willow's and the redhead knew that
she was needed there. So she settled back in bed. She had to protect
Tara. That was her job, and one which she took seriously.
Soon, Willow felt Tara relax in her arms. Her breathing evened out. only then
did Willow let her own guard down and let sleep
claim her as well.
-----------------------------
You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; It will not let you fall
And Death shall have no Dominion
Edited by: jomarch at: 5/5/02 5:55:36 am