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Chapter 8
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Just like her father, her pastor could preach about evil and damnation for hours. Having been secretly raised in Wiccan beliefs by her mother Tara had never really paid much attention to their zealot rhetoric. She feared evil and damnation but she knew she wasn’t evil or dammed. Her mother had taught her about honor and love, but now her mom and her influence were gone. Little by little her father was taking control of his ‘heretic’ daughter’s beliefs and confidence, breaking her down bit by bit. One Sunday, a few months after her mother’s death, her minister preached the story of Elijah. It was a lecture Tara would never forget.
G-d had warned Elijah about a drought that would come to the land and for him to take refuge in a river near Jordan. It was said to not have been a very pleasant spot, a hard and rugged place in the desert. G-d sent him ravens to feed him twice a day and the stream gave him water to drink. He stayed there, sitting alone, day after day contemplating his withdrawal from everything he knew and the life he’d lived.
Tara understood him. She was used to being alone. She was used to the silence that surrounded her since her mother’s death. Like Elijah she too was living on faith, faith that a higher power would guard and take care of her.
Ordinary people could do extraordinary things if they just had faith, and faith was something Tara maintained throughout insults and beatings. She’d been accepted to the University of California at Sunnydale a few hours away from home and even more miraculous was that her father had agreed to let her go. She didn’t understand why she was being given this opportunity.
Kerith was the brook where Elijah was refreshed and fed and set on his feet again. It was the place to slow down, the place to listen, to let go and depend on the source of all power. The Powers That Be had prepared a sanctuary for Elijah by the river Kerith were he was shaped and molded for his true purpose in life. Tara hoped Sunnydale would be her haven. Her Kerith.
Tara remembered that name. Tara remembered the story.
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Willow couldn’t believe what she was looking at. So small and wrinkly and just plain old… beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. It was really real. She was finally here. Months and months of doctor appointments, medicine, yoga… Kerith was home.
“You’re my daughter.” Willow whispered to the sleeping infant in total awe. Tears began to form again. It seemed Willow hadn’t stopped crying since Kerith was born. None of the Scoobies had.
“I need you to be strong for me and Tara.” Willow slowly reached out to touch her tiny, tiny fingers through one of the two large, drop down access panels on the incubator. “Strong like an Amazon, Kerith…”
With quite some speed Kerith clutched Willow’s index finger and squeezed it. Hard.
The redhead chuckled. “That’s some Slayer like strength you got there, honey.”
“What about Slayer strength?” Buffy asked quietly as she entered the NICU where all the premature babies were kept. She cautiously walked over to her best friend.
“Kerith is squeezing my finger.” Willow smiled.
Buffy looked down at the preemie. “Aw! That is so cute.”
Willow’s eyes couldn’t leave her daughters face. “Has Tara woken up yet?”
“No, she’s still doing the deep sleep. Dawn’s with her. She’ll be ok.”
“Good…”
“So, how are you doing? You still woozy?” Buffy asked running a hand through her own hair. She quickly tied it in a ponytail.
After a few seconds, Willow’s green eyes met Buffy’s, “I can’t believe I fainted in there. I can’t even remember the last time I fainted. I remember the last time I was knocked unconscious. I mean I should it was just last week, right?”
Buffy looked over at the little girl and sadly smiled. “Will, I can’t let you do this anymore.”
“What?” she asked not understanding what Buffy was talking about.
It pained the Slayer to have to tell her most faithful Slayerette, “Patrol with me. Tara was right. It’s too dangerous. You have a daughter now you need to take care of and I don’t want you in the midst of a battle again. Ever.”
“Buffy-“
“No, Willow. I’m sorry. I can’t.” The redhead’s light giggles threw her a bit. “What?” she eyed her.
“It’s funny. Tara and I decided to have this conversation with you. I even had it all planned out in my head.” She looked over at her daughter’s precious hand still wrapped around her finger. “I’m a mommy now. I have a daughter and a girlfriend who mean the world to me. I want to take care of them. Protect them. I need to.” Willow held back her tears as she looked over to her best friend. “It’s what I do by being a Scooby, Buffy. If I can’t patrol I want you to know that I will still help with the research. So will Tara. We will always be here for you. And not just Scooby related. Nothing’s changed. You are still my best friend and you are still a wonderful friend to Tara.”
Buffy lovingly hugged the redhead. “Thank you. It means a lot to me, Will. You, Tara and Kerith are so important. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Buffy looked over at the sleeping little girl again. “So, has she opened her eyes yet?”
“No. Not yet.”
“She will.” Buffy assured her. She then sighed as she looked around at all the other incubators in the room. “This place is such a miracle. These babies are such a miracle. Look at how small they are. Think about it, life is so hard to begin with and they begin with a hard life.” Buffy couldn’t help but chuckle. “Did that make any sense?”
“Yes.”
The Slayer nervously rubbed her hands together as she turned to Willow, “Can I touch her?”
Willow beamed. “Of course. Just open the other port.” As Buffy reached over for a stool, getting ready to roll it over to Kerith’s incubator, Willow let out a loud gasp. “Buffy!”
“What?!” She quickly turned to her. “What happened?”
“Oh my god look!” she whispered loudly. “Look!” She said, her eyes never leaving her daughter.
Buffy did. And what she saw made her want to cry again, she could feel a large sob already traveling up her body. Kerith’s eyes were open. Large, grayish, inquisitive eyes staring at Willow. And then a tiny smile. Kerith smiled.
“Oh god.” Willow’s body began to tremble lightly as tears began to run down her cheeks. It was too powerful, the touch of her daughter’s hand curled around her finger and now the connection with her eyes. Willow felt the rush of magick, it reminded her of the night she and Tara met.
Buffy was already crying. “She knows who you are! Look at her, Will. She’s smiling at you. Hi Kerith, I’m Buffy. I’m your godmother.” She cooed as Kerith’s eyes turned to the Slayer.
She let out a squeak and smiled again. Her eyes quickly darted back to Willow and her mouth began to move, but only gurgles and air bubbles came out.
“She’s trying to talk to you, Willow.” Buffy laughed through tears.
But Willow was at a loss for words. This moment, this single moment was leaving her speechless. It was so familiar. This was exactly how she felt whenever Tara would look at her, like her heart would explode. Tara’s touch made her respond the same way. And Kerith was part of Tara. Kerith was made from her. But Willow’s energy was in there too. She could feel it. She could feel her own spirit in her daughter.
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“And then she grabbed my finger and wouldn’t let go!” Willow was too excited to contain her joy. She had been talking a mile a minute ever since Tara had woken up and she and Buffy had joined her in her room.
“Who can resist Willowfingers?” Tara smiled without reserve.
“Oh my god, Tara!” Dawn roared. “I guess your hormones aren’t in check yet.”
Everyone laughed as a nurse came in with Kerith. The little girl was audibly making googley sounds and little squeaks.
Tara grinned, “Already quite the little talker I see.”
“Oh yes,” Nurse Clarissa replied, “She hasn’t stopped moving or talking since Willow left the room earlier.”
Buffy noticed Kerith was wearing only a beanie cap and her diapers now. “Um, isn’t she a bit underdressed?”
Willow shook her head softly. “No, it’s Kangaroo Care.”
“Kangaroo-“ Dawn began.
“What?” Buffy finished.
As Willow began to explain to the Summers sisters what Kangaroo Care was all about, Tara carefully unlaced the blue hospital gown and watched as Clarissa gently placed Kerith against her naked chest. The small baby was resting in the valley of her breasts, and the blonde’s arms holding her daughter intimately covered up her exposed bosoms quite well. She knew her boobs would get bigger but not this big. She chuckled softly thinking how much Willow was going to love this.
Tara had already held her daughter once before, right after she was born. Due to the fact it had been a cesarean birth she had been awake for the full procedure was able to hold her newborn daughter right away. She’d only wished Willow hadn’t fainted so they could have shared this moment together. But she knew there would be so many more to come. Many, many more.
She’d felt the rush of magick when she’d touched her daughter, and the emotions of the last nine months came rushing back to her. It was a miracle, all of this. After her baby was taken to the NICU she cried and cried until exhaustion overtook her and she had fallen asleep.
“So,” Willow finished, “She’s kept warm through skin on skin contact. It’s more efficient that way.”
Buffy nodded. “And you found this on the Internet?”
Willow sheepishly grinned, “Yeah.”
Dawn’s attention had since turned to Tara and Kerith. They were cuddling. Peacefully, adoringly. She could see how Tara’s whole body glowed with love for her daughter as she looked down at her beanie covered head. She saw how Kerith instantly fell asleep over her mother’s chest, one of her hands placed above her mother’s heart. She could see a bit of the gauze around Tara’s tummy that guarded the incision of her birth.
Dawn couldn’t explain how she felt. She sensed her kinship with Kerith. Both were made in a like manner and both were loved so much by those around them. It was overwhelming.
“Dawnie?” Tara asked noticing the young woman hadn’t stopped staring,
“Are you ok?”
Dawn’s reverie was broken. “What?”
“Are you all right?” Her eyes opened wide at a thought. “Are my nipples showing?” She’d tried so hard to be discrete when settling her daughter against her chest.
“No! No. I was just… I was thinking about Kerith.”
Willow and Buffy’s attention had since turned to Dawn, “What about her?” Buffy asked.
“She’s like… me.”
“Whiny and with shiny hair?” Buffy joked.
“Buffy.” Tara admonished quite motherly.
The Slayer quickly apologized. Before Dawn could finish what she wanted to say Doctor Elias came in.
“How’s it going?” she smiled as she noticed a scene that reminded her of the first time she had met this group of young women. Now they had an extra girl in the mix. A peacefully sleeping little girl. “I see Kerith is having a ball.”
“I would too if I were snuggled on Tara’s chest”, Willow said with a smile. Everyone laughed. Her eyes widened. “I, uh, I said that out loud, huh?”
The doctor couldn’t help but laugh right along with them. “It’s ok, Willow. Now that you mention it I did want to talk to you about this Kangaroo Care.” She quickly got back to business. “I must agree all of the unconventional things you and Tara did during the pregnancy worked. I mean look at this, we’ve got a stable and healthy preemie here. It’s very rare. How are you feeling, Tara?”
“It’s actually working. I feel heat everywhere.”
“Good. I’ve decided Kerith should stay with Tara like this two to three hours for three days. After that we can increase the hours and I think it would be beneficial if Willow participated then.”
“Why can I do it right away?” Willow asked.
“Kerith will instinctually reach out to suckle within the first hour.”
Willow nodded. “Right.”
“Kerith’s senses will quickly learn Tara’s touch and smell. Once she registers that she’ll know which mommy is the one with milk for her. If she gets hungry during your cuddle we’ll have a bottle of Tara’s milk ready for you. Any questions?”
“Um,” Dawn tentatively raised her hand. “How will you get Tara’s, you know, into a bottle?”
“There are pumps designed to mimic a child’s suckle.” Doctor Elias smiled.
“Oh.” She replied as she sat down on a chair. “Cool.”
“Anything else?” All the women shook their heads. “Good. Then I think it’s best we leave Kerith with her mommies for a little while. You can come back when the two hours are over.”
Buffy and Dawn quickly hugged Willow and kissed Tara’s temple. It was incredible how much peace and tranquillity Tara radiated.
“See you three later.” Buffy called out as the two sisters closed the door behind them.
Willow sighed as she looked over at Tara and her daughter. It was a angelic sight. “Oh god I love you so much,” she said as she ran her fingers over Tara’s hair, softly caressing.
Tara’s smile glowed that love back. “Lay with me.”
Willow did. She carefully leaned down on her side, cuddling up into Tara’s body. Her arm tucked behind Tara’s neck, hand resting on her shoulder. Her other hand softly stroked her daughter’s back. “This is heaven.” She sighed again.
Tara didn’t reply, she simply leaned over and captured Willow’s lips. Their mouths opened and tongues reached out. A swirl of colorful energy spun around the three of them. They were truly connected.
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TBC....
by witchbitchwillow » Fri May 31, 2002 1:14 am 
no-one's ever said that to me before 
hee hee 
at: 6/1/02 4:54:07 pm
at: 6/3/02 12:14:34 am
I have no idea what you would rhyme truck to